Old Discussion Forum - From 2005 to 2009
Female Sexuality - 2008 Topics
| Topic ID | Post ID | Post Text | Date & Time |
| 776 | 5245 | & I don't know where to start. It seems I can no longer have an orgasm with my boyfriend when he goes down on me. I've always been easily distracted when he does (maybe because we live with our parents and we don't have a private place to have sex or anything) and when I sometimes couldn't have an orgasm in the past it would bug him. It's been escalating ever since to the point that I'm so unfocused and nervous about whether I'll cum or not I always "plateau" and I lose it. He fears he's not enough for me and he doesn't believe me when I say otherwise. After the last time he tried-and I failed, he stated that he's giving up on trying to give me an orgasm. That upsets me the most. I want to tell him that it's wrong to do that. He has orgasms from sex every time, every chance we get to see each other and now I feel like he's selfish to take so willingly but to give up on trying with me. I still find him very attractive and he's the only guy I have eyes for. He's also good at oral, so that's not the problem. Everytime I tell him it's my nervousness that stops me he doesn't believe that either. I'm sure a vibrator woud help because his fingers are rough sometimes and it would be more comfortable for him but he keeps putting off getting one since he doesn't have a credit card yet. How do I tell him all of this so he doesn't think I'm making excuses? How do I have orgasms again?! I'm only sixteen, this shouldn't be happening! This is getting in the way of our relationship! | 2008-01-02 00:22:53 |
| 776 | 5246 | I think it just goes back to the common problem of you trying to hard and focusing solely on orgasm that it's just not going to happen. I know when my boyfriend and I have all night, we both tend to orgasm quicker than if we're rushed. It takes forever because we sometimes forget and start focusing on having an orgasm rather than the pleasure. Brad discusses this a lot, a quick look through other topics with similar titles should bring up some great advice. In short, instead of thinking and focusing on having an orgasm, try focusing on the moment and what you're feeling and what you're doing. I know sometimes if I stop focusing on an orgasm and focus on how my vibrator is vibrating my hands (which sometimes seem more sensitive than my clit *eyeroll*) and the sensations, I orgasm much faster than when I focus on having an orgasm. [url=the-clitoris.com/f_html/arouse_indx.htm] the-clitoris.com/f_html/arouse_indx.htm That might be of help. :) | 2008-01-02 15:10:20 |
| 776 | 5247 | If your BF is fretting so much over you not having one and letting it be known that he's not impressed when you don't, no wonder you now can't because you're worrying so much about what he'll think if you don't...so you answered your own question there. Your anxiety came from him being bugged when you didn't have one and, sometimes, that happens to everyone. He's there whinging and whining but it was his whinging and whining that started the problem in the first place. He needs to know that his attitude is causing your anxiety which then prevent orgasm. I think he's trying to nurse his ego too much and it gets dented when he can't make you orgasm. If he had not made a big deal on those occasions when you couldn't reach the big& O, this anxiety would never have come about in the first place. There is more to sex than orgasm and if thats all it is about for him, then he doesn't really have the right idea. If he's your age, I'm guessing he still has quite a lot of growing up to do mentally. It sounds harsh but I do feel he's being unreasonable. He should do more research into female sexuality before having partnered sex with a& woman instead of inflicting his ignorance upon them. A lot of older people need to do this too mind. Just because you don't orgasm, doesn't mean you "Failed", either and don't allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. I bet he'll suffer erection problems on occasion during his life. All guys have those times when things don't go as wanted, especially when they've been drinking and, like my therapist said to me, many guys end up with problems due to bad diet, bad lifestyle and drinking too much and then wonder why. Very common problem. I wonder how he'd feel then if his female partner belittled him for it and whinged and whined because she was more bothered about her own feelings and pleasure& and didn't really take his into account. & | 2008-01-02 17:20:57 |
| 776 | 5248 | Both of the previous posts are correct, though Canis is being a bit rough on him if he is in fact 16.& You're both young and ignorant about sex, and I don't mean that in a condescending way.& He may have the will, but not the experience, so he deserves a little leeway as long as he is willing to try to improve.& The simplest thing to do would be to show him this site so that he can see that others are verifying your thoughts on why you are struggling to orgasm. | 2008-01-02 21:35:43 |
| 776 | 5252 | He's three years older than me and has more experience than I do. I already know it was my anxiety creating the problem and I agree with you that he's being unreasonable. Other than our recent problems with this we have great sex. I meant to talk to him about it today but he was frustrated because he needs a job but has no time for one. | 2008-01-03 04:30:43 |
| 776 | 5253 | Yeah, I can be a bit rough and, as for more experienced, in some ways, it seems he isn't more experienced in some ways. He still has much to learn. Whether he'll be open to checking out the main site and reading into female sexuality more is another question. Some people like to think they already know it all and refuse to do anything like that. If he does check it out, it might help enlighten him a little. I'm about to be made redundant from my job and now have to find another after only having had one job in my working life& and been there for nearly 10 years but I wouldn't let that get in the way of something like this even though it is stressful. I'm not sure how he hasn't got the time if he isn't actually working...unless he's at college/uni?!?! | 2008-01-03 07:19:05 |
| 776 | 5255 | He has to babysit his foster brother weekdays all day and sometimes on weekends. It's not that he put it off because he was too stressed I just decided to talk about it at a better time, when he's in a better mood. We just placed an order for a toy yesterday so maybe that will help :D | 2008-01-03 15:20:46 |
| 776 | 5258 | While the toy might kick start discussion and provide a good topic or impetus for change, don't forget that the center of the problem here is lack of understanding and communication (which results in your anxiety). you yourself know that your problem isn't physical, and don't let the toy make your boyfriend think that it's your problem either.& it's a tool, not a miracle cure. | 2008-01-04 00:18:56 |
| 776 | 5259 | Haha, yes I know. I'll try to keep all this in mind. Thank you :) | 2008-01-04 00:57:21 |
| 778 | 5261 | Hi, I'm new to the forum. I'm hoping to get some advice on something that's bothered me for a long time. I'm clinically diagnosed with social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and major depression. I'm 27 years old and I've struggled with this since my early teens. In other words my social life has always been none existent because of this problem. Over the past couple of years my condition has improved and I'm a little more comfortable around other people, I'm begining to form friendships. For a long time I've found myself feeling emotionally lonely due to lack of close relationships in my life. I've never so much as held hands or kissed a man in my life, and because of my age the lack of experience is embarassing to admit. I'd like to start dating. More over, I'd like to enjoy a little of my youth while I still can. However, I noticed finding a man I am romantically interested in seems to be much more difficult than I anticipated. I'm 27... I've been alone for a long time... and I'm torn between two options: either wait for the right person to come along or have a little fun in the meantime; meaning keeping the option open for intimate encounters. I realize the latter isn't a cure for my loneliness, but in the very least it may relieve some of it temporarily. I am still a virgin, which in a way complicates things. I'm assuming most men will not react well to my lack of bedroom experience at my age. Finding a partner who would be understanding and considerate for at least the first time may be a challenge. And I would like to gain some experience at this point in my life. But I also don't want to just sleep with anyone...I'd like to have some sort of connection and attraction to the person. Any advice? | 2008-01-08 18:58:48 |
| 778 | 5262 | I won't tell you what to do, but I'll give you an analysis of your options from my perspective. "Hi, I'm new to the forum. I'm hoping to get some advice on something that's bothered me for a long time. I'm clinically diagnosed with social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and major depression. I'm 27 years old and I've struggled with this since my early teens. In other words my social life has always been none existent because of this problem." Sorry to hear that.& There are members on this forum who share your experiences and whose sex lives have been hampered by anxiety and depression.& One of them posts frequently and will probably post here fairly soon, others come and go with long breaks between visits, but I am sure you will hear from others here too. "Over the past couple of years my condition has improved and I'm a little more comfortable around other people, I'm begining to form friendships. For a long time I've found myself feeling emotionally lonely due to lack of close relationships in my life. I've never so much as held hands or kissed a man in my life, and because of my age the lack of experience is embarassing to admit." Congratultions on your improvements.& I know they can be extremely difficult to overcome, but don't let yourself get overwhelmed and take little steps.& Such is progress, I suppose. First of all, I'll say from the get go that not all close relationships have to be with a member of the opposite sex (or to whichever gender you are attracted), though obviously most of us would prefer it.& Don't be embarassed by your lack of experience.& While I admit that your case is probably more extreme than most, a great many people who have perhaps dabbled lightly in romance may still have not been sexually active, so don't suppose that you are alone in your inexperience. "I'd like to start dating. More over, I'd like to enjoy a little of my youth while I still can. However, I noticed finding a man I am romantically interested in seems to be much more difficult than I anticipated. I'm 27... I've been alone for a long time... and I'm torn between two options: either wait for the right person to come along or have a little fun in the meantime; meaning keeping the option open for intimate encounters. I realize the latter isn't a cure for my loneliness, but in the very least it may relieve some of it temporarily." Good luck with this.& I doubt that you are the type to hit up bars and night clubs as a result of your anxiety, but I will say none the less that such places are really not great places to meet people.& They are places where a lot of desperate, shallow, and/or selfish people tend to migrate (not all people who club are like that, of course, but the atmosphere attracts such people like moths to flame).& They are, in short, meat markets.& There's nothing wrong with that for those who wish to partake, but I simply don't think they are the ideal place for a lot of people.& Sadly, a lot of people who agree with that assessment when the point is made to them seem not to be able to think of other places to look otherwise. You have to look places that take a bit more effort to find interesting people, places like social clubs, church (if you are so inclined), public gathering places that might lean a bit more towards your passions rather than sheer hormonal abandon. You say you realize that intimate encounters aren't a cure for lonliness, well, they don't even really relieve it.& I think if you are honest with yourself, you will find that you are simply horny in those moments, and that masturbation will provide the temporary sexual relief you seek as well as anything. As for meeting the right person, well... just keep in mind that the right person and Mr. Right mean different things.& To look for the right person doesn't mean you should seek perfection; that always leads to disappointment.& Seek someone that fills your needs.& That way, while you may not find the man of your dreams right away, you aren't stuck waiting, nor do you simply throw yourself to the wind and take whatever comes along.& It's a happy medium that gives you some options without making you sift through the throwaways. "I am still a virgin, which in a way complicates things. I'm assuming most men will not react well to my lack of bedroom experience at my age. Finding a partner who would be understanding and considerate for at least the first time may be a challenge. And I would like to gain some experience at this point in my life. But I also don't want to just sleep with anyone...I'd like to have some sort of connection and attraction to the person." Your virginity may not complicate things as much as you think.& To be sure, if you try to have some flings, you most likely will find rejection or acceptance from the least desireable options, but there are a wide variety of men out there with broad tastes and interests.& I'm 27 and male and a virgin in the traditional sense, though I've had girlfriends and some non-intercourse sexual experiences with them.& There are virginsy our age, some with more or less relationship and sexual experience.& There are also non virgins your age who, despite having had intercourse and technically not being virgins, have a low amount of sexual experience.& Some might have had one girlfriend and subsequently been single for long periods of time, others might have had one night stands occasionally, but still be sexually ignorant in the grand scheme.& Other men have a good deal of experience, but are not interested in cheap sex and would be willing to guide you through your first experiences.& The media likes to make us think that all men are sexual predators, but it's really not true.& I've known plenty of both kinds, and not all of them on either side fit the stereotypes. Still, as I alluded to before, the odds of you finding a man that will guide you and/or learn with you through your first steps in a temporary situation are not very good.& You are more likely to find that kind of caring and patience in a relationship rather than a tryst. Anyhow, that's it for now, though I'm sure I will think of more to say later. | 2008-01-08 20:40:45 |
| 778 | 5264 | Hi dts3, I appreciate the response, thanks.:) " Sorry to hear that. There are members on this forum who share your experiences and whose sex lives have been hampered by anxiety and depression. One of them posts frequently and will probably post here fairly soon, others come and go with long breaks between visits, but I am sure you will hear from others here too. " That's good to know. I'm curious to hear what other people who've suffered from anxiety and depression will have to say. "Good luck with this. I doubt that you are the type to hit up bars and night clubs as a result of your anxiety, but I will say none the less that such places are really not great places to meet people. They are places where a lot of desperate, shallow, and/or selfish people tend to migrate (not all people who club are like that, of course, but the atmosphere attracts such people like moths to flame). They are, in short, meat markets. There's nothing wrong with that for those who wish to partake, but I simply don't think they are the ideal place for a lot of people. Sadly, a lot of people who agree with that assessment when the point is made to them seem not to be able to think of other places to look otherwise. You have to look places that take a bit more effort to find interesting people, places like social clubs, church (if you are so inclined), public gathering places that might lean a bit more towards your passions rather than sheer hormonal abandon." Actually, I've thought of attending a few singles events, one of which is a singles pub crawl. The idea is a little intimidating for me but if it helps to bring me out of my comfort zone and meet other people it's probably worth a try. I'm also a student (taking a reduced course load at the moment) and I've considered joining some sort of campus group. I've thought of bars and nightclubs in the past, I've even tried it once, but ended up leaving within five minutes due to anxiety and sensing a lot of what you described about those places. "You say you realize that intimate encounters aren't a cure for lonliness, well, they don't even really relieve it. I think if you are honest with yourself, you will find that you are simply horny in those moments, and that masturbation will provide the temporary sexual relief you seek as well as anything" Yes, being horny is a part of it and I do masturbate to relieve those urges. But I'm never satisfied emotionally. I had hoped that being with another person would at least fulfill my desire of being wanted by someone, instead of feeling isolated, undesirable, and unworthy when I'm alone in those moments. Given the fact that I have no romantic or sexual experience with a guy, I'm yearning to have those experiences. As long as I can distinguish the difference between a fling and the emotional connection I ultimately seek, maybe having a fling or two may help in the sense of not feeling so isolated and unwanted. I am still very conflicted about what to do, though. " As for meeting the right person, well... just keep in mind that the right person and Mr. Right mean different things. To look for the right person doesn't mean you should seek perfection; that always leads to disappointment. Seek someone that fills your needs. That way, while you may not find the man of your dreams right away, you aren't stuck waiting, nor do you simply throw yourself to the wind and take whatever comes along. It's a happy medium that gives you some options without making you sift through the throwaways." I agree. I'm not looking for perfection. I'm fairly easy going and to be honest I don't think I've ever daydreamed about a Mr. Right. Although there are qualities I seek in a partner. "Your virginity may not complicate things as much as you think. To be sure, if you try to have some flings, you most likely will find rejection or acceptance from the least desireable options, but there are a wide variety of men out there with broad tastes and interests. I'm 27 and male and a virgin in the traditional sense, though I've had girlfriends and some non-intercourse sexual experiences with them. There are virginsy our age, some with more or less relationship and sexual experience. There are also non virgins your age who, despite having had intercourse and technically not being virgins, have a low amount of sexual experience. Some might have had one girlfriend and subsequently been single for long periods of time, others might have had one night stands occasionally, but still be sexually ignorant in the grand scheme. Other men have a good deal of experience, but are not interested in cheap sex and would be willing to guide you through your first experiences. The media likes to make us think that all men are sexual predators, but it's really not true. I've known plenty of both kinds, and not all of them on either side fit the stereotypes.& " You have a point. But I also don't think there are many involuntary virgins my age, especially in this society. True there are various people in different circumstances, but I rarely hear about females my age who are virgins NOT by choice. I could be wrong, I suppose, as I don't have much experience with other people. There is more I'd like to say but I need to sign off. Perhaps I'll add more later. Again, thanks for responding to me! Btw, is there a way I can change the topic of the thread? I just notice I accidentally posted an incomplete title, lol. | 2008-01-09 07:59:05 |
| 778 | 5267 | Hello I'm the regular fellow anxious poster that& dfs mentioned. I suffer from general anxiety disorder, have moderate depression caused by it and also suffer from vaginismus and dermatillomania (Obsessive skin picking). Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles whenever anything tries to penetrate it meaning I can't have intercourse even though I did try with my 'One' ex which is how I found out I had it....literally a nightmarish experience.& I can't have a smear test either because of it but I don't need one because& there is no way I can have been infected with the HPV& which is what& nearly always causes cervical cancer.& The spasms are generally caused by messages from the brain stemming from fears of pain, pregnancy,STDs, losing control, belief that sex is bad or dirty and a whole load more reasons...& things the woman might not even be consciously aware of. There is a lot more to it but thats a brief description. I'm fine with socializing generally and people often mistake me for being the confident type for which I most certainly am not. The anxiety is quite crippling for daily life. I can't drive anywhere where I don't know the roads off by heart, can't travel anywhere I don't know on my own either. It's quite embarrassing to admit these things to people and they can't understand it. I'm 28 so a year ahead of you. I understand totally about your fears of what guys will think when they find out somebody of our age hasn't had sexual relations before. Me being the type to have an outgoing personality with other people too, I get the impression they'd automatically assume I was experienced in that department and all the rest because I don't fit the stereotype for somebody who doesn't have the experience. Just the thought of somebody getting too close is enough to make me feel sick with anxiety and it is like an uncontrollable feeling that totally consumes me. I could hardly eat for the first three weeks of seeing my ex and lost quite a bit of weight. I worry about that happening again and so find it easier to just avoid these situations and push them away. I also find that I'm too choosy but I couldn't bring myself to sleep with somebody if they didn't turn me on so I don't know what to do about that. I don't have too much advice to give because I've not really gotten anywhere at this time. just thought I'd let you know that you aren't alone. It's good to finally speak to others who have the same issues. I suffered in silence with the vaginismus for years before finally getting help and telling a few people. Not nice at all. | 2008-01-09 10:34:26 |
| 778 | 5268 | "Actually, I've thought of attending a few singles events, one of which is a singles pub crawl. The idea is a little intimidating for me but if it helps to bring me out of my comfort zone and meet other people it's probably worth a try. I'm also a student (taking a reduced course load at the moment) and I've considered joining some sort of campus group. I've thought of bars and nightclubs in the past, I've even tried it once, but ended up leaving within five minutes due to anxiety and sensing a lot of what you described about those places." If you're a student, then try seeing what kinds of clubs or social groups are available to students at your school.& Even junior colleges tend to have a lot of clubs organized through the student body office.& I think meeting someone with that kind of shared interest is more likely to yield the results you are looking for than a bar. "Yes, being horny is a part of it and I do masturbate to relieve those urges. But I'm never satisfied emotionally. I had hoped that being with another person would at least fulfill my desire of being wanted by someone, instead of feeling isolated, undesirable, and unworthy when I'm alone in those moments. Given the fact that I have no romantic or sexual experience with a guy, I'm yearning to have those experiences. As long as I can distinguish the difference between a fling and the emotional connection I ultimately seek, maybe having a fling or two may help in the sense of not feeling so isolated and unwanted. I am still very conflicted about what to do, though." It seems that way to a lot of people.& However, given your anxiety, I find it rather more likely that after having a fling you will find yourself getting worked up and wondering if you'd been used for sex.& There is a term some guys use "they're all pink on the inside".& Some guys sleep with women because they can, not because they find the woman desireable.& They like drunk women, easy women, etc.& It's possible to find a person who will have a fling and find you genuinely desireable, but you run these risks.& If you want non-committal sex then a friend with benefits might suit you better than a fling. "You have a point. But I also don't think there are many involuntary virgins my age, especially in this society. True there are various people in different circumstances, but I rarely hear about females my age who are virgins NOT by choice. I could be wrong, I suppose, as I don't have much experience with other people." There are probably more than you think.& I've known a few guys who were virgins well into their 30s, and not for voluntary reasons. | 2008-01-09 11:50:34 |
| 778 | 5269 | dear swiftheart, i'm what people call "normal" - quite intelligent, reasonably attractive, physically and mentally healthy, have some sexual experience& - and still it is not as easy for me to make new friends and date with men as you may think. I feel the same anxiety as you do, at least a part of it. I've been single for nearly seven years now... And i ask myself the same questions as you do (and, as i think, a lot of women do): wait for the right person or have sexual relief with somebody - both is not completely satisfying. My advice is: do something you really like. It might be dancing or painting or skydiving, whatever. Join a club or take a course. When you like what you're doing, and you are good at it, it will built up your self-esteem and you will feel much more comfortable amongst poeple, and will make new friends easily. & | 2008-01-09 12:12:17 |
| 778 | 5270 | I think this a wonderful thread because of the first post of swiftheart and the kindness and wisdom of those who have replied. I have nothing to add, really, to what has been written above,& but swftheart, may I confirm what has been written from the stand-point of a 77-year-old man, happily married for 50+ years and a grand-father?& In addition, for most of those years, we were engaged in work with women which gave us some experience. 1. As you have been told above, you are not alone. 2. Be confident, and like yourself.& Think happy. Think sexy. 3. As has been suggested, identify an interest and follow it. Vivacity in a woman is very attractive. 4. Do not 'be embarrassed to admit' to your 'lack of experience' or your virginity. Most men of some maturity, late 30s, 40s, will delight in hearing you admit this and in introducing you , gently, and in teaching you. 5. If I may suggest, encourage your masturbation. On those days when you are not feeling horny, actively encourage the feelings and enjoy relieving them. This is very important. In& my youth, when avoiding pregnancy was so important for both male and female,& many young women masturbated in the bath as they prepared for the outing. This put a smile on their faces, helped relaxation and, after Goodnight kisses and perhaps a little touching on the front verandah, another self-pleasuring capped the evening.& You are to be admired for your coming on here with your problem. Good luck. | 2008-01-09 21:21:33 |
| 783 | 5283 | The following videos demonstate some common gynecological procedures Some of the videos are linked to at more than location. Pelvic Exam: www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8tBdHbTXk0 Bimanual Exam: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhbOELmVkTc&NR=1 www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqegfUGvm68 RectoVaginal Exam: www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yhQbyvy8ZU www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QDaYn_KUwY Pelvic Exam Summary: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp7wip2Uo5k www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij36U_-tbDc Pap Smear: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQeoa_M5TWE Internal Exam: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqRj1BrCo2Y Breast Exam: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c4ET14WcDE www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTFOiRPyjwk www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqesIdR62nA www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8EFN9V_SW8 www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7nHml2mgaA www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOwojbH4KpA www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev4c-9AWFWg www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6qQdm936sY www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciO3LlF0Yro Group Breast Exam, Women's Field Hocky Team: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg1eRCelawo&feature=related Mammography: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkoIFM6Tu08 | 2008-01-13 14:51:36 |
| 783 | 5284 | Oops, I forgot I had created this topic in the past: | 2008-01-13 15:54:25 |
| 785 | 5288 | Hi I have a probleme with my large breasts. I& wear a bra size 36 F. My problme is that i get lots of spots on the under size of my breast which can cause pain. They come& and& go and no matter what i try they wont go away. Does anyone else have this problem or can anyone give me some advice. & thanks | 2008-01-15 14:12:06 |
| 785 | 5289 | What kind of spots? if they are like chaffed skin I did have the same problem becasue mine were DD and of course I got chaffed skin under the breasts and somebody told me to use "BODY GLIDE" it looks like a deodorant stick and you can find it& in any horse riding supplies store and is used for the chaffed skin in the but Good luck Luisa | 2008-01-15 15:26:10 |
| 785 | 5290 | some of them are are some of them are like sport you would get one your face. But i do a lot of sport and i dont kow wether that has an effect. | 2008-01-15 15:34:15 |
| 785 | 5397 | Sorry for the late reply, I went on vacation for a few days after this was posted, and have been doing catchup ever since. We need to consider the possible causes for the irritation that results in the spots, which are presumable acne, i.e. pimples, or simply red blemishes. Either the skin is being irritated, or the sebaceous (oil) glands are being irritated. Acne: [url=www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/acne.html] www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/acne.html [url=www.4women.gov/faq/acne.htm] www.4women.gov/faq/acne.htm [url=en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acne_vulgaris]en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acne_vulgaris Sebaceous glands: [url=en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebaceous_gland] en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebaceous_gland Redness: [url=wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/redness.htm] wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/redness.htm With large breasts, and not so large breasts, you have pressure, moisture, heat, friction, and bras to contend with. You also have to contend with your own type of skin, dry or oily, and your environment, hot/moist or dry/cold, and everything in between. Historically women have not worn form fitting clothing, were that appears to be just about all women are wearing these days, and no, every woman didn't wear a corset when they were in vogue, as they either couldn't afford them or couldn't get any work done if they had. Bras can make things better or worse, it seems to depend on the individual woman. Since you most likely have to wear a bra, first make sure it is correctly fitted. Many women (60-80%) wear the wrong size. Your breasts could be larger than you want to admit, i.e. larger than an F. If your bra doesn't fit correctly it can cause unnecessary pressure and friction. One problem I see with how they tell you to measure yourself for a bra is that you must be wearing a bra when you make the measurements. Well, if you are wearing the wrong size bra you will get the wrong measurements. :? Your bra can minimize or overstate your measurements. You may need a bra that fully supports your breasts, were now you may be trying to conceal them by holding them against your body. You may need a bra with shaping and support rather than a sports bra that holds them against your body. For comfort reasons you may need to show off your breasts rather than trying to conceal them. You probably want a layer or two of fabric between the underside of your breasts and chest, so make sure each breast is fully inside the cup of your bra, and the& chest strap is correctly position at the crease formed by the junction of your breasts and chest. When you put your bra on bend over at the waist so your breasts hang down, then position the cups and chest strap correctly, then stand up, ensuring things stay in place. If things shift after you stand up then you likely have an incorrectly fitted bra. I believe all women are suppose to do the bend over thing to ensure their breasts are actually inside the cups and correctly positioned. Using a powder or lubricant under your breasts may reduce the friction and irritation caused by the movement of your body and breasts, and the fabric of your bra. If you have sensitive skin you may have to find one of these that doesn't make things worse. Baby powder may do the trick. Petroleum jelly may also work, if it doesn't plug the pores of your skin. Wear clothing that allows moisture to evaporate away easily. This includes the bra and outer cloths. You might need to wear one of those special t-shirts that wicks moisture away and reduces friction. I don't know if it is practical, but you way need to wear one of these shirts under your bra, if you can find them with built in cups or that molds to your body. At night you may need to allow things to air out and literally hang out, so when at home go without a bra and make sure things are dry. When sleeping, a position that allows the affected area to be exposed to air and no pressure and friction may be best. So sleeping on your stomach probably isn't wise.& At home you might try wearing a silky shirt, the sport Ts I mentioned above, or simply a form fitting t-shirt that conforms to your breasts, and under your breasts. Links of interest: Fitting: [url=www.biggerbras.com/how-to-fit-a-bra.shtml] www.biggerbras.com/how-to-fit-a-bra.shtml [url=www.fittingtips.com/classes/Class-BraSize.htm] www.fittingtips.com/classes/Class-BraSize.htm [url=www.wikihow.com/Buy-a-Well-Fitting-Bra] www.wikihow.com/Buy-a-Well-Fitting-Bra [url=www.007b.com/bra-fitting.php] www.007b.com/bra-fitting.php [url=www.shopisabella.com/boobologist/bra-fitting.asp] www.shopisabella.com/boobologist/bra-fitting.asp [url=www.shopisabella.com/boobologist/default.asp] www.shopisabella.com/boobologist/default.asp [url=www.barenecessities.com/fit_sizing.asp] www.barenecessities.com/fit_sizing.asp [url=www.onehanesplace.com/webapp/commerce/command/ExecMacro/info.d2w/report?info=brafit] www.onehanesplace.com/webapp/commerce/command/ExecMacro/info.d2w/report?info=brafit [url=www.herroom.com/bra-fitting-advice,901,30.html] www.herroom.com/bra-fitting-advice,901,30.html [url=www.thebreastsite.com/] www.thebreastsite.com/ Plus Size Bras: [url=www.knickersblog.com/?p=613] www.knickersblog.com/?p=613 [url=www.onestopplus.com/plus-size-Extended-Bra-Sizes.aspx?DeptId=14249] www.onestopplus.com/plus-size-Extended-Bra-Sizes.aspx?DeptId=14249 [url=braexperience.com/]braexperience.com/ [url=www.biggerbras.com/] www.biggerbras.com/ [url=www.avenue.com/womens/clothing/plus-size-bra] www.avenue.com/womens/clothing/plus-size-bra [url=www.largesizelingerie.com/mm5/] www.largesizelingerie.com/mm5/ Sports Bras [url=exercise.about.com/od/exerciseapparel/tp/sports_bras.htm] exercise.about.com/od/exerciseapparel/tp/sports_bras.htm [url=www.movingcomfort.com/brasize.html] www.movingcomfort.com/brasize.html | 2008-02-02 11:03:37 |
| 788 | 5297 | Just as the title asks, do you usually make sounds when masturbating? Does the experience differ when making sounds and not? Does your sound differ from masturbating and making love? Personally I learned very early not to make sound when living at home.& So I am good at reaching climax without disturbing anyone:).& And I actually do not really feel any big difference in sensation when making sound and not, even though I do make& more sounds when making love& than when I masturbate. Sound is& in that way much a question of& communication for me. & | 2008-01-20 15:36:07 |
| 788 | 5299 | I'm the same..don't really make much sound...other than breathing. Same reason, learning to keep quiet at home. To be honest, I couldn't do the loud drawn out groans that some women do anyway, especially during orgasm when breathing is too rapid to pull that off. I don't reckon I'll ever be a loud person in that sense. | 2008-01-21 10:14:09 |
| 788 | 5300 | Yes!& Towards the end I become pretty loud and I can't help it :?& It takes way too much effort and concentration to stay quiet. | 2008-01-21 13:51:16 |
| 788 | 5301 | [user=153]Kay[/user] wrote: "Yes!& Towards the end I become pretty loud and I can't help it :?& It takes way too much effort and concentration to stay quiet. " I don't make noise for the same reason, that I have to force myself to concentrate and intentionally make sounds.& The only sound I naturally make is heavier breathing. | 2008-01-21 14:05:06 |
| 788 | 5319 | Yeah, it's the same for me too. Too much effort and concentration would have to go into making a noise and then it would have to be fake because it doesn't happen naturally for me, lol. Just goes to show how different we all are. | 2008-01-22 14:07:17 |
| 788 | 5320 | I don't make any noise when masturbating either. Probably has something to do with how I'd always thought it was kind of silly how men in movies (and porn, of course) groaned loudly and stuff. I've shied away from overblown portrayals of so-called 'masculinity' all my life, realizing that displays of brash, loud, or even uncouth behavior does not make me more of a male than otherwise, and making noise during sex/masturbation kind of fell into that category. Now that I've broadened my horizons a little and am learning all sorts of new stuff through sites like these, I realize that by letting myself be repulsed by that image of stereotypical maleness I was letting society influence me just as much as those who would blindly follow it. I've read that making moans and other noises may actually enhance your arousal and sexual pleasure, but I think I probably have quite a bit of work ahead of me if I want to naturally make those noises. A few tentative (and fake-sounding) moans haven't done much for me so far. Quizer | 2008-01-22 15:16:37 |
| 788 | 5322 | You know, my boyfriend asked me why I don't make any sounds, and I said the same thing as the first two replies---that I've learned to keep quiet at home. Then again, if he kisses my neck or my sides or my stomach (etc.), I can't help making some kind of noise...but even then, it usually incorporates a change in breathing. : ) | 2008-01-22 16:39:29 |
| 788 | 5324 | I agree totally. I find it very difficult to make 'scenic' noises both with masturbation and orgasm during intercourse. I pride myself that no - one else has any idea I'm masturbating, after all it is to please myself! | 2008-01-22 22:28:12 |
| 788 | 5387 | Wow... I'm surprised.& Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I half way expected most of the women to say they do make sounds..& The only time I really had to stay quiet was when my sister was visiting and slept in the next room, I thought I will explode from frustration :) Interesting thing is that my BF mutes the sound when watching porn, says he doesn't care for the sounds.& Then again he get very excited about any sound I make, says he loves it.& How do the men here feel about their& partner's sounds, if any? | 2008-02-02 01:36:14 |
| 788 | 5389 | If a girl I was with made noises, I think I'd definitely find that hot. I'd guess Kay's BF turns off the sound in his porn because it's clearly faked, which can be a major turn-off. I know it's porn like that that helped reinforce my negative attitude towards making noise during sex as a guy. After stumbling over porn where the participants are clearly actually enjoying themselves, I don't want to watch any of that fake stuff anymore. It's so much more hot if you can tell it's real. I've actually made some progress with making noise. I've become less inhibited in my private sessions, and I've found that moaning and breathing in a certain way can cause stimulation just as intense as a touch, although just as brief as well. It was enough to tip the balance when I was hovering at the edge of orgasm, which wasn't quite what I intended... :? Quizer | 2008-02-02 05:20:07 |
| 790 | 5306 | Mine& is a non vanilla type of approach.& I am a D/s minded woman of 49, fit, do my pc muscle exercises, and am comfortable with my sexuality.& There is always room for exploration and I have noticed that some of the posters have mentioned their thoughts on female orgasm and how the G spot can be triggered.& I am most interested and would like to bring this into my life and share this with my lover.& How would I best direct him to find this G spot?& It seems elusive at best... lol.& I have tried locating on my own and grrrrr.& Specifically, My question is:& What intercourse positions have yielded G spot arrousal and orgasm?& I noticed one person said when laid on tummy her man enters from behind his weight on her.& I would like to ask this person and others who have been successful in this to let me know what positions they have been in with their lover when entering or being entered. Also how to stimulate and discover this area in non intercourse ways would be helpful as well, even as far as being at my lovers direction (as well as on my own). Seems odd that I cannot achieve this for I am healthy and do go to extremes to ensure that my sensuality is maintained.... exercise wise, anything beyond pilates and kegels that are beneficial would also be appreciated. LadyR | 2008-01-21 18:37:22 |
| 790 | 5307 | If you are still struggling with it, then intercourse is not the best way to stimulate or find your g spot.& The best would be fingers or a g spot toy where you can localize internal stimulation to specific spots by applying pressure.& You would just methodically explore the vaginal walls looking for specific spots that are highly sensitive.& The typical position is a couple inches inside the vagina on the anterior side (the front, closer to the clit than the anus). However, not every woman has one so to speak.& The current idea is that the g spot is a gland which produces lubrication, which is why it is also sometimes called the female prostate.& & However, due to the variation in female physiology, the gland may not be pronounced enough for stimulation. You just need to explore and see for yourself rather than with a partner.& You have far more control than a partner does. | 2008-01-21 19:17:03 |
| 792 | 5326 | Have you ever been caught masturbating either at home during your childhood or by someone else later? Or have you ever caught anyone else? Tell us what happened... Myself, I was nearly caught by my mother in my early teens. But as I did it in bed I managed to protect myself and cover up. I don´t think she understood...coming from a religious home where these things were not considered& or talked about. | 2008-01-23 04:28:59 |
| 792 | 5327 | Hehe, I rarely ever masturbated in high school. After moving in with my boyfriend, however, he was at work one night so I decided to pleasure myself. It tends to put me to sleep as well. So he came home from work to me sprawled out on the bed with my hand down my shorts, legs spread, fast asleep. ;) Talk about akward! :P | 2008-01-23 09:01:32 |
| 792 | 5329 | & Our Mum had five sons, was a trained nurse so she was accustomed to male hard-ons and cums, thankfully. Mum always knocked but one day, when I was 13, in the shower stroking, an aunt walked in behind me and I was too close to care. When I was coming down and turned, there was Aunt, and I saw her nipples were hard. It was a good start to the day for both of us. | 2008-01-23 23:24:35 |
| 792 | 5332 | When I was seven years old, my dad caught me in the bathtub---he flipped out, and that freaked me out, because I didn't really know what I was doing. : ) Then again, he went to Catholic school, so he reacts pretty intensely about that sort of thing...heheh. *blush* | 2008-01-24 21:11:38 |
| 792 | 5520 | oh yeah lol my pop caught me flogging molly when he came to wake me up for church.... for some strange reason I kept thinking "maybe I should tell him I was giving praise to what the lord gave me" | 2008-02-22 22:06:19 |
| 792 | 5590 | Ah, geez...when I was eleven my father decided to barge into my shower and caught me in a pretty compromising position, to say the least. :?& I'm not sure what he saw or what he didn't see but he got out of there pretty darn fast. & | 2008-03-15 21:45:54 |
| 794 | 5330 | I felt& something hard inside my girlfriends vagina.& It was about& 1 1/2 inches& long& and 1/4 inch round. this freak me out. Can anybody coment on this. I have felt it while fingering her. | 2008-01-24 02:50:38 |
| 794 | 5331 | Ask her to see a Gyno.... | 2008-01-24 09:23:17 |
| 794 | 5550 | [user=6288]JOHN12345[/user] wrote: "I felt& something hard inside my girlfriends vagina.& It was about& 1 1/2 inches& long& and 1/4 inch round. this freak me out. Can anybody coment on this. I have felt it while fingering her." It could have been her cervix, which is kind of "nozzle" shaped. It's not hard like bone, but more like carilage. If it is her cervix, that's a normal part of her anatomy. | 2008-02-29 20:51:26 |
| 795 | 5333 | is it still safe to have sex without protection on the 5th day after period :-/& let say my gf period on 24th.it take 5 days for her period as it end on 28th..is it still safe to ejaculate inside after 5 days as on 2nd of the month..?my gf wish to have sex without condom tat day as she will come back tat day..pls advice | 2008-01-25 05:06:40 |
| 795 | 5334 | Hi, Please see the Q&A linked to below: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_8/qa8_2.htm Brad | 2008-01-25 10:33:06 |
| 795 | 5335 | sex without a condom is never safe. | 2008-01-25 10:40:46 |
| 796 | 5336 | Okay, so it's really unlikely that this should be a concern, but on New Years Eve day my boyfriend and I were pretty close to having sex. However, he has ED, and he couldn't stay hard enough on that particular day. Still, his penis came in contact with me both with and without protection, and if there had been any sperm at all, it could potentially have gotten inside. It was only a couple days after my period, and we did use protection when he tried to enter, so...I didn't think much of it. Now, I don't think it's a real concern, but my period's a bit late compared to last month, and a few days ago I was suddenly so nauseous in the morning when I was brushing my teeth that I had to sit on the floor and wait until it diminished. My breasts are also more tender than they normally are before my period (they're REALLY painful, with pretty much any contact), I have more vaginal lubrication than normal before my period, and the symptoms have been happening a little longer than normal. Of course, I'll wait until I've missed my period to actually worry, but does pregnancy seem like a reasonable assumption based on these symptoms? It is around my period, but I'm being a little paranoid about it, since my boyfriend and I are really young and not sure what we would choose to do if I did get pregnant. : ) ...Wow. This was LONG! Sorry about that! : ) | 2008-01-25 20:29:30 |
| 796 | 5337 | Well, those are potential signs of pregnancy, but not sure signs of it. hormones can always fluctuate and cause these things on their own from a variety of causes.& if there was not penetration and no ejaculation, the odds are slim of pregnancy, though it is technically possible for pre-ejaculate to get that far.& the simplest thing to do is just buy a pregnancy test.& you are sufficiently past the potential date of conception that most tests should show positively if you are.& they are inexpensive, so just go get a few different brands and try them making sure to properly follow the directions.& they can give false positives and/or negatives, so multiple tests are advised to be sure.& or you can go to the doctor and have a more reliable test performed.& better than speculation. | 2008-01-25 21:27:33 |
| 796 | 5338 | Okay, thanks! I was planning on doing that in about a week if I still don't get my period by then. : ) At the moment, it's likely to just be lagging behind a day or two...it's normally regular, but this is still in a pretty close radius. It's just that if I was pregnant...that's not good at this point, to put it lightly. : ) | 2008-01-25 21:32:59 |
| 796 | 5339 | Unplanned prenancy can be a life changer for good and bad, but unfortunately that's the risk you must take for having sex. | 2008-01-25 22:24:55 |
| 796 | 5340 | I know it's a risk...and in this case, it would be pretty bad. : ) I'm pretty sure that I'm just being paranoid about this, but thanks for your comments! | 2008-01-26 12:08:31 |
| 796 | 5348 | You don't mention whether there was penetration of your vagina by his penis. If sperm got on your vulva or the surrounding area there is a small risk of pregnancy. Playing with a penis around your vulva or in your vagina is like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun. There is always a risk of pregnancy, even if you use birth control. Your chances of being pregnant from this event are likely covered in the following statement: "Withdrawal, also knows as “coitus interruptus,†is the removal of the penis from a partner’s vagina before ejaculation, or coming. Withdrawal may be the most common method of birth control since it’s free and always an option for preventing contact between egg and sperm, reducing the possibility of an unintended pregnancy. While withdrawal has been criticized as a non-method, it is 73-96% effective for birth control, depending on the male partner’s self-knowledge and self-control. While 85% of heterosexual partners who use chance are likely to become pregnant in a year, only19% of partners who use withdrawal are." From: www.birth-control-comparison.info/withdrawal.htm But you had the remainder of your fertile time to become pregnant, and if you used a condom: "Male condoms are 85-98% effective." From: www.birth-control-comparison.info/condom.htm Any woman who cannot risk becoming pregnant, which is any girl/woman in school shouldn't be allowing a penis anywhere near their vulva/vagina. I know there is a lot of social and peer pressure to have "sex," i.e. have intercourse, but I have to wonder if the anxiety over possibly being pregnant makes it worth while. "The Pill is 92-99.7% effective as birth control." From: www.birth-control-comparison.info/thepill.htm Which means up to 8 out of 100 women who use the pill during the course of a year will become pregnant. Ideally only 3 out of 1,000 would, but the requires correct usage and a woman's body to work as hoped, i.e. the hormone dosage is correct for her. If your boyfriend is experiencing ED (Erectile Dysfunction) you probably should not be attempting intercourse anyway, until he can sustain an erection and ejaculate through other forms of stimulation. The performance anxiety that goes along with intercourse would tend to make things worse. If you are desiring vaginal stimulation then use something other than his penis. Just my opinion. Brad | 2008-01-26 19:46:56 |
| 796 | 5349 | He used a condom, but there was slight contact before he put it on. That's why I was worried. However, I took a test today, and it was negative. (I'm also PMSing pretty badly, so I'm not so worried anymore.) We didn't choose to have sex because of peer pressure---I wouldn't do that, believe me. Both of us have discussed it thoroughly with each other, I with an adult I trust as well, and it's just something we feel is natural to do in our relationship. It doesn't feel out of place; it feels right. And we did discuss what we would do if I got pregnant; before we attempt anything again, anyway, I'm going to go on the pill, and he'll use a condom for extra safety. We've pinpointed what's causing his ED---it's not extreme, and he's young---and we're working on it, both medically and between us. I know we did a stupid thing on New Years, but we're working to rectify the dilemma of having to bite our nails constantly. Having read the medical section of my school library back to front by the time I was seven, I know how to stay safe and what the consequences of having sex could be. (I've written research papers for school about the subject as well.) This experience has definitely taught me something, but it's not going to steer me away from making love with my boyfriend. We need to be a little less hasty and a little less of stupid adolescents, and though I knew that before, I'll ensure it is put into practice now. Oh, my gosh. I've been preaching again. I apologize, I became a little defensive, and I'm sorry if it seemed as if I lashed out. I know I'm young and did something a little irresponsible about a month ago, but believe me, when I do something wrong, I never, ever forget it. We will be safer. But I'm not going to regret having sex with him. This may only be my belief, but it is my life, and our sexual activity is not a decision over which I will waver. Thanks for your comments, bradf30, and for the previous ones, dfs3. : ) | 2008-01-26 21:21:19 |
| 796 | 5352 | There are a lot of different sexual activities you can explore together without needing to risk pregnancy and STDs. Perhaps you both, and most other couples, need to redefine what you both consider "sex." Women in their 20s, 30s, & 40s unexpectedly become pregnant, so this isn't just a concern that applies to teens. If female couples can have fun and fulfilling sexual relationships without the possibility for penile/vaginal intercourse why can't male/female couples do the same? One of the projects forming in my head is an article about birth control where I will present a list of sexual activities couples can explore without needing to worry about pregnancy or STDs. If couples don't want to reproduce they shouldn't be engaging in a reproductive activity. Which isn't the same thing as saying they shouldn't be having sex, just not reproductive sex. Ideally young couples probably should be practicing abstinence, but realistically they need to have other options available to them. The reason abstinence is recommended is that no form of birth control is 100% effective, STDs and STIs are extremely prevalent in college age women/couples, and while sex can be tons of fun, it does add a degree of complexity to relationships. Life in general is extremely stressful, and we don't need to be compounding it. On the other hand it is hypocritical to expect teens and young adults to practice abstinence when "adults" and the media aren't. As I mention on the website, western society doesn't place as high a value on reproduction as it once did but it still places a extremely high value on a reproductive activity, by defining "sex" as intercourse. That obviously creates quite a bit of a social problem, unwanted pregnancies and babies. Brad | 2008-01-27 10:18:59 |
| 796 | 5353 | I know all that. Really, I do. We have practiced other sexual activities; this is a decision we made together. These are our lives, and I feel like you are forcing your views on me just like you say---and don't get me wrong, I do agree that it's an issue---western society is. My original question was not that of a confused teen wondering if she should have sexual intercourse. I am confident in this decision---and it's our decision, mine and my boyfriend's. I'm not changing it based on your reply because I already know all the information and opinions you presented me with. I was asking a question about a problem that my boyfriend and I knew would come along with having intercourse. Please do not try to dissuade me from adhering to this decision. I have learned a lesson here, but it is to be more careful, because this is a choice that I must be responsible about, and I know it now more than ever. | 2008-01-27 10:44:56 |
| 796 | 5354 | The symptoms of pregnancy are addressed on the websites linked to below: www.targetwoman.com/articles/pregnancy-symptom.html www.womens-health-questions.com/pregnancysymptoms.html www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/earlypregnancysymptoms.html | 2008-01-27 13:00:14 |
| 796 | 5368 | Thank you. | 2008-01-28 21:38:45 |
| 797 | 5341 | I am 47 & 3 years out & away from a very distructive relationship. I love sex & have a healthy attitude about sex & have not, nor have I ever had any sexual hangups. In that 3 year relationship I was in, he withheld a intimate sexual relationship from me for months at a time. Telling me I was too needy & pressuring him. To relax & he would come around. I would try & fondle & give him a blow job in the morning & altho he had a hard on, he would push my hand away. Requesting instead a body massage. When we did have sex it was good, but I found myself shutting down to the idea of it, since it was so painful emotionally inbetween sessions. At times I would masterbate by myself & as always it was good, no problem there. You may ask as why did I stay so long? A combination of low self worth/esteem. And a strong loylty streak, I really thought we could work things out. He had a major problem with anger & I found out much later after our break up, something called borderline personality disorder. I have since done alot of emotional healing & been repairing the parts of me that settled for that kind of relationship. He would always pull me back in with the water works (tears) & promises I so wanted to believe. When it came time for him to start counseling (I had already started) he refused & told me to move out. I had moved out & when I went back 2 weeks later to get more of my belongings I found I had already been replaced... by an ex he & she had told me (6months earlier) he was geting her thru a hard time (bad choice of words, no?) And latter I confirmed he had been fooling around with her and I imagin others most of our 3 year relationship. I thought the reason we parted was becouse of emotional & anger issues he didn't want to deal with/look at. The betrayal I further felt after the trama of the break up, was a major blow to me. All that doing without sex for so long (I love sex) And his giving me a real mind trip about my healthy sexual wantings. While all along he was being sexually satisfied, elsewhere. And all those long massages, and caring I did to comfort him becouse I thought I was going in the right direction. Perhapes a month later after the break up & on my own, I tried & tried & tried to masterbate. Everything was different down there. No feelings, no sensation, it took a long time (with vibrator) & alot of sweat and when I did cum....well it was weak & whimpy!!! Nothing like it was before & forget the endless #'s I could have. 3 years later & alot of reading both online & off I haven't gotten any answers. I found one little blurb that said something about (Emotional Trama) being at the root of orgasm disfuntion in some women. I have done alot of forgiveness work towards him & wonder if my anger now is towards myself. If I have some mental block on my clit that was created by the dinamics of how that relationship went along & ended & what I found out was really going on. I still have a great deal of desire for sex & I'm not jaded, I love men. Can this much stress shut a persons genitals down? Any thoughts would be appreciated... | 2008-01-26 14:00:46 |
| 797 | 5343 | In short, yes.& Stress can destroy the libido for both genders to the point of inhibiting phsyical sensation, and can even cause erectile dysfunction in men. | 2008-01-26 16:47:33 |
| 797 | 5345 | Thanks for your imput...Can you offer any ideas of where to go from here? Who to talk to? Books to read? Ideas to try? | 2008-01-26 17:54:31 |
| 797 | 5350 | your best bet is a counselor or a support group or both, finding people who can help guide you to ask the right questions that give you the right answers to figure out how to get past it. | 2008-01-27 01:18:25 |
| 797 | 5351 | Hi, Have you seen a doctor to rule out an organic cause? Are you in or near menopause? Is your vulva insensitive to all forms of stimulation or just sexual stimulation? You might test the sensitivity of your vulva to stimulation in general. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/nerves_3.htm Since the problem didn't present itself until after the relationship ended then if it is the cause, the problem lies in what you learned about him and yourself afterwards. Where you ever able to masturbate to orgasm after learning he had cheated on you? Do you feel your sexuality betrayed you? You may also be trying too hard to enjoy sex, rather than listening to your body. Are you experiencing sexual desire, or only masturbating for the sake of orgasm/stress relief? If you are stressed, deal with the stress rather than Band Aiding it with an orgasm. You may also need to move forward, and stop living in the past. Perhaps you need to find a partner that arouses you sexually. The circumstances that resulted in you being in and remaining in that relationship wouldn't simply disappear when the relationship ended, and you probably need to remain in therapy and include your new partner in it once you have one, to ensure you aren't going down the same bath. You may need to trust someone before things return to normal. Brad | 2008-01-27 09:49:39 |
| 797 | 5356 | Hi Brad, Thanks so much for your imput. This is a really great thing you have going on here. I appreciate how you & others jump in and offer sugjestions and possible solutions. I will be going soon to have my hormones tested. Just to take that off the list of possible reasons for lack of cliteral sensation. My periods are normal. I have no symtoms of menopause. I still have great desire for sex. About a month before I moved out & that relationship ended 3 years ago. I was home alone, he was out of town. I masterbated for several hours inbetween other actvities. I remember orgasming 20+ times, I kept count just for the heck of it. This was not unusal for me, I have masterbated the same way since 13 or so with a vibrator. The orgasms where strong & as easy to get to as they always had been. I first noticed the almost total lack of sensation in my clit when I tried to masterbate about a month or so after that relatonship ended & I found out he had been having sex with others thruout our 3 1/2 relationship. All the while he was giving me a real head trip about me pressuring him for once in a while sex & his feeling & telling me I was being over sexual. I am very clear now, thru the emotional healing I've gone thru since, that I am a normal woman with a healthy, lusty appitite for sex. A dream come true, it seems for many men who share on here & I believe for most normal males. I was not with a normal male, he had control & anger issues & a few other screws loose. What I kept telling myself was loyaty was really a bad case of low self-esteem/worth as to why I stayed & settled for so little emotional or sexual pleasure. When I attemted to masterbate that month later, it can best be discribed that it felt like there was a cap over my clit. I couldn't find my happy spot, higher up & on the left side of my clit. Never having experienced anything even close to this, I soon became alarmed, angry, fustrated as this is how it went along and pretty much up until now. I could/can eventually cum but they were/are really wimpy & weak. And nevermind about having more than one... Yes I can admit to having had feelings of being very much betrayed by him sexually & otherwise. So much was going on behind the seens of this relationship that I couldn't or choose not to see. I feel I really have moved on. I have had several really good & appreciative lovers since. One interesting note to me, I feel more sensations with their touch then I do by myself. I think it is a case of "It feels better to have someone else scratch your back". And there are all those other wonderful sensations going on that are more stimulating & distracting then solo fun. So I'm not worried as to why I feel more with them. I do have a new wonderful boyfriend of 3 months & oddly enough he is going thru his own challenges with erection disfunction. I will post later for advice about that issue. We both made a new commitment to work on it together to find a healing & solutions. I feel very hopeful. 3 years down the road, I can't say my cliteral sensations have really improved all that much. Altho I get a nice sensation with a product called Zestra & watching porn esp. watching anything with oral in it helps to stimulate me. I have to use alot more imagination and fantacy then I ever did, to work myself up. A few days ago I was able to have 4 orgasms spread out over a period of time. And that was new & wonderful. But strength of actual orgasm still whimpy at best. I am not currently in therapy but I am very hopeful about my new relationship & his openess to explore all avenues we may need to heal. I think the the trust you speak of me needing is currently being developed. Thank you for anymore feed back you may have... | 2008-01-27 16:51:54 |
| 799 | 5358 | Ever since my daughter was eight months and learned how to crawl, she started crawling to partially opened doors in the house, and with the narrow side of the door between her legs, she'd lie on her back, and keep rhythmically rubbing herself forwards and backwards against the door. I wasn't worried at first, but once I've seen it start to consume her where she started doing it a lot I got concerned. She spent a full afternoon just lieing with a door between her legs and masturbating. She starts slowly, but gets more and more powerful as time progresses, so much so that I got worried that the door would break and hurt her, so I had to keep a good watch. Then her breathing would pick up; she would start sweating; and then suddenly just stop, and be relaxed, and even sleep for a bit. Then after twenty minutes of just lieing there, she would start all over again. My first reaction after I noticed how much time she was spending with this was to keep her in her crib all day, in her high chair, or car seat all the time. I did that for a few days in a row, thinking that at the end of the full thing, she'll have forgotten about those doors. But she didn't. Once I let her crawl around again, to my amazement the first thing she did was crawl towards a door.& My next gut& instinct was to make sure all doors in the house were to be always closed, all the time. But she quickly just discovered table and chair legs which made me feel more insecure about the whole thing. I wouldn't want a table or chair to fall on her. I actually started to move her to a partially opened door which I felt would be stronger, since I can't get her to stop. Now since she masturbates anywhere, I'm always watching where she crawls to, as a parent should watch their children, it's just that since I'm watching, I also wish to watch her do something else. It's really hard on me. I'm worried that she won't be developing other things that she should be developping; is she even going to try to learn how to walk when the time comes?? Might she break something or get hurt when she violently rubs against something?? What if she rubs against the door too hard, and part of the wood pokes her or something? I know she's wearing a diaper and some pants as a barier but maybe she could still get hurt. I'm relieved she hasn't discovered using her hands yet, and she makes no attempt to even touch herself when she has a bath or a diaper change, but what'll happen if she does?? How far will this go and when will this stop? And on top of it all, it's embarrassing when I have guests over visiting me. And then there's also the worry, how did she discover this, and why?? She's too young to talk about it. I have no clue where to begin. | 2008-01-27 22:37:28 |
| 799 | 5359 | It seems to me this would be an extremely inefficient and ineffective masturbation method, as her clitoris is unlikely to be stimulated in this position, and the force and weight of her body is directed in the wrong direction. Simply laying on her stomach and thrusting would work better in my opinion. In this position her bottom rather than clitoris is being stimulated. I would say she needs a little more human contact, especially given her age, and other activities to keep her occupied. Brad | 2008-01-28 08:12:23 |
| 799 | 5364 | Dear Audrey, you asked how did she discover the rubbing produced pleasure& I found that baby girls are very prone to have skin irritations and itches in the vaginal area due to sprayed urine and being wet in the crotch and by accident she found that she got relief from the itching by rubing her vulva against the door and later she discovered that also she had pleasure. I'll consult a good childen's doctor to check her genitals for something abnormal that may produce itching or something unusual and if everything is ok ask him/her how to curb this behavior a little allowing her to slow down naturally. Good luck.... | 2008-01-28 13:40:45 |
| 801 | 5375 | Someone posted this in another forum I belong to and becouse I'm not as computer sauvy as I would like to be I am unable to copy it for you. But I can lead you there: Go to "The marriage bed" Click on "Other stuff" on left side. Go to "Top 10" under Donate. Click on article "Oxytocin, the bridge between touch & sex in Women". Here is the link: [url=www.themarriagebed.com/pages/biology/female/female-oxytocin.shtml] www.themarriagebed.com/pages/biology/female/female-oxytocin.shtml My new Bf gun shy from ED had stopped touching me all together sexually. Embaressed & unsure of himself until I got brave & had a talk with him. Finding this article couldn't have come at a better time for both of us. Explains the importance of touch & a Woman & Mens sexual responce. And also explained my growing sexual fustration & starting to feel dread when he touched me sexually or otherwise. Kinda a use it or loose it kinda thing. How simple this concept is and surely something we can both understand and put into practice right away... Lots of other really good articles too. Any thoughts? | 2008-01-30 12:42:52 |
| 801 | 5376 | I also address oxytocin in one of my articles: [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/nerves_2.htm] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/nerves_2.htm Scroll down to the section labeled "The Oxytocin Pathway" Brad | 2008-01-30 19:38:21 |
| 801 | 5377 | Hi Brad, Thanks so much for adding the link to my post & for the other articles on Oxytocin. What was of great interest to me & a possible big piece of the missing puzzle in my sexual relationship with my BF was this Oxytocin connection and touch. What was listed in the article in The marriage bed that was not addressed in your article was this. "A women not recieving enough touch becomes withdrawn & depressed and can become violently opposed to sexual touch. If this continues she can become no longer open to the very touch she needs". Bingo!!! at least bingo for me. My new BF of 3 months dealing with his never had before symtoms of ED & being in a relationship after many years of not being sexually active made him withdraw from most sexual touching becouse of his fustration & embaressment & his own thoughts of not being able to fully perform, that ment certain things to him, we both chose not to address.. He would touch then stop, touch then stop & touch & stop. This was not the kind of touch I needed and kept turning me on & off so to speak. Having my head in the sand too, I didn't know what I was feeling myself or really how to address it. I plugged along enjoying his company, I started to feel like I was hangging out with a buddy pretty soon into it. And altho I enjoyed his company in many ways I was very much starting to feel a dread about his touch as I got to a point where I knew his touch would lead more times than not to feelings & sensations of aggravation & fustration & not pleasure. I have been focused on his ED & being what I thought was being most supportive to him. To back off & in doing so cut myself off further from his touch I so needed to keep this intimate connection alive between us. I find myself as of late, looking & thinking of others, my attentions were turning away from him. I pondered a visit to one of friends with benifits. Then I found this article, it made so much sence in this current relationship & why I have stray in past relationships. I sent him a copy & with our new open comunication was able to pin point with him how his lack of touch or type of touch was affecting me. His Ed was now my ED in a way. And we needed to fully address this touch issues right now! He may not understand it all fully as I don't, but he has a willingness to try & do what ever it takes to get this all going in a better direction. Our plans this weekend include alot of touch sensual & otherwise & exploration, to get both our oxytocin flowin. I will keep all posted as I know sleep will be lost if I don't...Being funny! Thanks again, keep the ideas coming! | 2008-01-31 08:47:12 |
| 801 | 5392 | Thanks, Lovergirl, for coming through with this information about the importance of touch. It's certainly not the first time I've heard about how important touch is in the development in humans, but I haven't seen it linked and explained on a biologic level like this before. Especially the line about hugging and arguments made a lot of sense to me. Maybe people should just try to touch more while they argue? 'Oxytocin makes us feel good about the person who causes the oxytocin to be released' - by this logic it would certainly make sense that one could use touch and/or masturbation to improve their view and attitude towards themselves. I think there are a lot people in our world who have never tried making love to themselves, showering themselves with the sort of love and affection that is usually reserved for a dream partner. Many may not be able to view themselves that way. Only the open and honest information that I found on the-clitoris.com gave me the freedom and inspiration to try this, and it's certainly something different from the monotonous jacking-off I've done all my life! To anyone who never tried this, I heartily recommend aiming some of that affection at yourself and touching yourself with love instead of just trying to get off. Quizer | 2008-02-02 06:17:36 |
| 802 | 5383 | I am a 16 year old girl, and I have been masturbating for about 3 years. Only recently after I achieve orgasm, I go partially deaf for a minute or so. I get an intense ringing in my ears and everything is VERY muffled. Why might this happen? Thanks | 2008-02-01 04:23:50 |
| 802 | 5384 | ask a doctor. | 2008-02-01 11:33:56 |
| 802 | 5390 | A health professional will probably be better able to advise you about this, although they, too, will need more information about that if they are to say anything about it. Does this happen every time, or is it dependent on the strength of the orgasm? Does your head/body move/shake/convulse during orgasm? Does it happen at all outside of orgasm? I have no clue what could be causing this, but I'd definitely be worried. Consider consulting an ear specialist and/or seeking further help, especially if that doesn't yield any results. Quizer | 2008-02-02 05:31:41 |
| 802 | 5398 | As others have mentioned, we can't provide a medical diagnosis, but it would be helpful to know if these symptoms occur only during sexual activity or also during other physical activities. Masturbation is simply another form of physical activity, so most of the same bodily functions involved in it are involved in walking up a flight of stairs, or at least a strenuous workout. A doctor would need to do a physical to determine your overall health and possibly do an exercise stress test. [url=www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4568] www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4568 If you are holding your breath or hyperventilating that may cause some interesting side affects. Are you relaxed or trying too hard to have an orgasm? Ringing in the ear is called tinnitus: [url=healing.about.com/cs/conditions/a/tinnitus.htm] healing.about.com/cs/conditions/a/tinnitus.htm [url=www.mayoclinic.com/health/tinnitus/DS00365] www.mayoclinic.com/health/tinnitus/DS00365 Others have asked the same question on other websites, but I don't know if they got an accurate explanation, so you are hardly alone in your experience. [url=answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071120060848AAgWJuP]answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071120060848AAgWJuP [url=www.zonemedicine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4722] www.zonemedicine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4722 [url=answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080201153808AADuU7h]answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080201153808AADuU7h [url=forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=13284] forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=13284 [url=ehealthforum.com/health/ptopic664872.html] ehealthforum.com/health/ptopic664872.html Of interest: [url=headaches.about.com/cs/triggers/a/ha_orgasm.htm] headaches.about.com/cs/triggers/a/ha_orgasm.htm [url=www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16832762/] www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16832762/ Brad | 2008-02-02 11:27:01 |
| 808 | 5409 | Hi, I've always been interested in the idea of female domination. I recently brought it up with my boyfriend and he said he'd be open to trying it out. However, I have no idea where to begin. I don't really want to plunge right into hardcore whipping and tying up (I'm bad at knot-tying ;)) and whenever I try to "take charge" I feel foolish and unconvincing. What are some good ways to begin, or tips for easing into it? | 2008-02-02 20:06:59 |
| 808 | 5412 | ironbutterfly26,& I have watched only 3 Fem-Dommes whilst they were training but one was in her middle twenties as was the male.& On the first weekend, she obliged him to be nude about the house at all times and to & come to erection whilst looking& at her left breast,& without stroking,& whenever she clicked her fingers.& Periodically, she would have him kneel, would stand in front of him and say, "Serve me", and he would put his head up under her frock and pleasure her. Would this be a beginning for you? & | 2008-02-02 20:47:25 |
| 808 | 5418 | Well, since you are in control then you simply do what you want and control his actions, even during regular sex. Make him please you, without allowing him to satisfy his own needs. Gain control of the situation and then move forward from there. You need to know how he will actually respond to giving up control over the situation and himself, before physically taking control of him, and punishing him. He needs to trust you and know your intentions. Communication is a big thing, as you need to be able to tell him what you want and what your interests are, and vise versa. You don't mention what your interests are, though you appear to be interested in bondage and whipping, so more than simply dominance and control. You need to know what his interests and limits are, and use a safe word. In the beginning you can simply require that he keep his hands behind his back, or have him hold onto something. You can then use items found in your home to secure his hands in place, like the tie for a robe or jacket. You can then acquire hand and ankle cuffs of leather or Velcro to secure him without the need for knots. If he doesn't satisfy your needs, or because the idea arouses you, tell him he is a naughty boy and give his a bare bottom spanking with your hand. The progress to using household items like a brush or ruler. Do you want to leave marks or is the idea of spanking enough? It can help to have some one teach you the ropes so you might see if there are any groups in your area you can join and explore. I went to one in Denver a couple years ago and it was quite and experience. A lot of different scenes, many very intense. They also had classes on different subjects. The situation is more often that of a man wanting to being dominated by his partner and he faces the challenge of getting her too, or finding someone who will. I saw less for women who want to be in control when I just did a search. There are books available for beginners at Amazon.com and the like. It is hard to wade through all the porn to find educational information on the Internet.& :( Some links: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eulenspiegel_Society en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Society_of_Janus www.domsub.info/ collaredncuffed.com/femdom.aspx www.yesmistress.org/ en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadism_and_masochism en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domination_%26_submission_%28BDSM%29 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bondage_%28BDSM%29 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_%28BDSM%29 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottom_%28BDSM%29 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safeword www.scribd.com/doc/47916/Female-Domination www.answers.com/topic/female-dominance www.xeromag.com/fvbdlinks.html www.thethingsiwant.com/item/139396/ Stories: www.89.com/d/?d=stories-female-domination | 2008-02-03 10:46:34 |
| 808 | 5465 | Thanks for the suggestions. I guess what I'm mostly looking for is psychological advice - how& to get into the right "headspace". I feel so silly trying to be all dominant and intimidating. I'm not a very physically imposing person. I agree that good information is awfully hard to find as it's mostly porn. I wish there were more information for women who want to be dominant, as opposed to doing it because their boyfriends feel it would be hot. | 2008-02-11 20:59:36 |
| 808 | 5468 | Hi, You might act out roles you are comfortable with that allow you to be in charge, like teacher, mother, police officer, etc. Dressing the part may help with your self confidence. During vanilla sex make your partner pleasure you, perhaps by giving your a full body massage or oral sex, without reciprocating. It likely takes practice and acceptance from your partner, know they wont reject or leave you for being less and feminine or bossy. If you simply lack the self confidence then tackle and complete nonsexual challenges that allow you to develop self confidence. Brad | 2008-02-11 22:04:38 |
| 809 | 5411 | can any of the other ladies here tell when a guy is thrusting inside your vagina,& when he is about to unload in your vagina? Melissa & | 2008-02-02 20:42:55 |
| 809 | 5417 | As a guy, I think that is fairly unlikely to be felt from sensation alone, unless there are other cues. There aren't any physiological changes that I am aware of that could serve as signs of imminent orgasm. I do have a slightly different question, though: I was wondering whether a woman can feel it when a guy actually 'unloads' inside her, as you put it. Can the orgasmic throbs of the penis be felt? Can the squirts of semen be felt? Can the temperature be felt, or just the impact? Or can't it be felt at all and this is just another common myth that is often seen in written erotica? Quizer | 2008-02-03 03:24:47 |
| 809 | 5420 | Well, I think the question could be a bit more clear.& Is the question whether the woman can tell from the sensation inside her vagina that the guy is about to ejaculate? Or if she can generally tell during intercourse whether he is about to ejaculate? A lot of guys, when approaching orgasm, will have a change in thrusting, a change in breathing, and of course an obvious change of look on their face.& Those are relatively easy signs to read, but it doesn't have a lot directly to do with intercourse.& As for the penis itself, it can spasm right before ejaculation and more so during ejaculation, but I doubt it's pronounced enough in any guy for a woman to differentiate from the sensation of the thrusting and the spasming if its happening at the same time. | 2008-02-03 21:36:53 |
| 809 | 5421 | When younger I had one gf who could feel my "shoot" as she put it.& She said in her life I was the only one.& I have no idea why.& No one else was ever that sensitive.& But then she would orgasm 3-4 times during intercourse as well. | 2008-02-04 05:57:00 |
| 809 | 5431 | I& can always feel when a guy is& coming inside of me, it's like as& if the semen is rushing in.& I had a boyfriend who's urethra i could feel pulsating when he was ejaculating. | 2008-02-07 13:49:02 |
| 809 | 5463 | I can usually feel when my BF cums in me and feel the throb of his penis. Occasionally I can't. The one time he came in me without a condom, I really didn't feel anything, but we'd been at it for awhile. | 2008-02-11 19:26:58 |
| 809 | 5497 | do any guys announce it, like awww here it comes baby or a deep thrust and grunt to let you know they are going to come in that pussy? Melissa | 2008-02-16 18:51:20 |
| 809 | 5518 | yeah I always say "here it comes baby" lol Unless in a porn flick it's very seldom a guy will think of something to say out of the focus of ejaculating. If he does he has a lot of sick thoughts going through his head I suppose. I really never tell a woman unless she's going down on me then it's more a thought of curtousy. I guess it's just my opinion of it | 2008-02-22 21:42:08 |
| 809 | 5538 | Actually, my boyfriend says some things throughout, but it's in a very soft voice...in fact, it's so intimate, I really would like to keep the details to myself. : ) But my point is that some guys do talk; for my boyfriend and me, it's words that make my heart flutter. | 2008-02-28 20:45:21 |
| 810 | 5443 | When I started to experience a lack of cliteral sensation, seemingly over night. I became quite interested in over the counter oils & creams that claimed to improve sensations in the genital area. I first started with a dab of minty toothpaste on my clit after a friend told me she had read about that in some erotica. Sensations, both warming & tingleing where very nice indeed. But I worried about the effects of the other ingredients on those sensitive tissues. I then tried a teeny, tiny amount of pure peppermint oil on my clit. And bing bang zowwie!!! Warming & tingling sensations where very strong & very intense. Not sure everyone or most would like the intensity but I did. And I caution to dilute with some coconut oil which also makes for a nice lube. But I also had concerns could the oil used in this form cause burns? I have had no such problems or irritations of any kind. Then I found Zestra. I liked the over all warming sensation of this oil. The price is very high. I didn't like the foil envelope packaging. Or the skimppy amount of this golden oil contained in each packet. And the fragrance, I can't decide if I can or can't stand it. But for the moment it is my favorite due to the sensation factor. I then tried finally. The price is much lower than Zestra. I like the packaging, a nice tangible amount of product in a small easy to use tube. And really no fragrance, it's very mild. But...I felt no sensation what so ever. No warming, no tingles, no nothing. And so I ask, anyone else tried these or simular products? Do tell... | 2008-02-10 12:32:33 |
| 810 | 5452 | Unfortunately many of these products have never been proven to work or simply contain small amounts of topical stimulants like menthol. Unscrupulous people trying to get rich at the expense of women. I reluctantly sell them because people kept asking for them, but I also state these items have not been proven to work, and may or may not work for the women who buy them. You can and should dilute these stimulates prior to use, and test them on less sensitive places than your clitoral glans to begin with, just in case you experience irritation. :shock: In the shared masturbation techniques and experiences some women have mentioned using various topical stimulants. If you can use it in your mouth is probably ok to use use on your vulva, though I am not positive, but you would want to avoid products with abrasives, ouchy. Loss of clitoral sensation should be investigated, as it possibly means there has been a change in your hormone levels, caused by birth control, medications, stress, etc. Estrogens and androgens influence the sensitivity of the vulva and vagina. Brad | 2008-02-10 17:07:13 |
| 810 | 5454 | I am wanting to have hormone testing but its so gosh darn expensive round here. I learned of some on-line sites that offer hormone testing thru saliva. Still kinda expencive. What type of Doctor should I go to? What should I ask for? Any ideas or recomendations? Thanks! | 2008-02-10 17:24:11 |
| 810 | 5456 | Hi, As I mention in the article linked to below, getting accurate test is difficult to do, and your doctor may not know which tests need to be done. Even if you determine your levels are low, finding treatment can be challenging, especially if a root cause can't be found. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/androgens.htm Brad | 2008-02-10 20:34:06 |
| 811 | 5444 | My favorite lube has become coconut oil, purchased at health food stores. It comes in big 16oz. jar, for less than $10. Stays solid and melts at body temp. Smells wonderful & tastes very good. Makes all kind of sexy esp. oral with hand jobs very tasty & fun. Great for total body massage & after bath moisturizer...Who knew? Does anyone know the effects of cocconut oil on latex or other types of condoms. Doesn't seem to effect them, but I'm not a scientist!!! | 2008-02-10 12:44:32 |
| 811 | 5448 | From: www.infoforhealth.org/pr/j44/j44chap11_c.shtml "Some substances that cause deterioration of latex condoms within an hour of exposure are mineral oil, baby oil, petroleum jelly, suntan oil, olive oil, peanut oil, corn oil, sunflower oil, palm oil, margarine, coconut oil, dairy butter, insect repellents, burn and hemorrhoidal ointments, rubbing alcohol, cod oil, and shark oil. Lubricants that contain these products should not be recommended for use with latex condoms." It is my understanding that anything classified as an oil or which contains petroleum based material cannot be used with products made of latex, .i.e. latex condoms. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coconut_oil A friend told me she had been using olive oil with success and wasn't experiencing yeast infections like she had been when using water based products, which frequently contain glycerin or glycerine, a sugar the yeast fungus can feed on. When I cautioned her against using it with condoms, her form of birth control, she sheeplishly admitted to be alone when she did this. :D Brad | 2008-02-10 16:46:26 |
| 811 | 5449 | coconut isnt a petroleum product, but it does contain oils, and so it probably isnt very good for latex.& you should only use water based lube with latex.& also, i dont know how refined the coconut oil is, but if it contains sugars, internal use may lead to yeast or other types of infections. | 2008-02-10 16:46:51 |
| 818 | 5482 | According the the website linked to below, the population of the US is increasing by one person every 13 seconds. www.census.gov/population/www/popclockus.html | 2008-02-14 04:48:18 |
| 818 | 5483 | The World Population Clock is on the following page: www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html | 2008-02-14 04:50:20 |
| 818 | 5484 | I bet a lot of that is from immigration also mind. In the UK, the& native population wasn't increasing..if anything, we were static to falling slightly with an ageing population. It is mass immigration and the much higher birth rate amongst the new immigrants who come from cultures where large families are still the norm that is making our population swell. I can imagine there is some of that going on in the US also. Still, when there are 60 million people already on our little island and it continues to grow, it is a bit worrying. They say it will reach 70 million in about a decade or so.& They whinge about water shortages and all that and blame people for using too much. They never stop to think that it might actually be down to them letting in too many new people and allowing the population to swell like this. The UK is not large enough for this kind of influx. I dread to think what is going to happen to our country in the next few decades. | 2008-02-14 05:02:28 |
| 818 | 5486 | Locally they are screaming at us all to conserve water but they also encourage people to move here, so there is no net decrease in usuage, only more people spending money and generating more tax dollars, but also generating more pollution. :shock: | 2008-02-14 05:09:53 |
| 818 | 5488 | Yeah, it takes normal citizens to realise things like this because politicians are all too thick and just don't live in the real world anymore to be able to realise it. It isn't rocket science but they try and fob us off otherwise with their fancy bull****. The only thing that politicians can see is pound signs, or in your case, dollar signs. The only time they consider anything else is to appease potential voters and, even then, it's only for their own benefit to help secure their position. Every family in the UK could take steps to reduce their water usage but it still won't solve the problem when there are thousands more homes being built to house immigrants which then need to be supplied with much& more water than what current families have managed to save. Anyway, I'll shut it now cos this has nothing at all to do with female sexuality.:D | 2008-02-14 05:25:39 |
| 819 | 5495 | Does anyone read sexy stories while getting off? Melissa | 2008-02-16 18:34:16 |
| 819 | 5498 | I do a lot of the time when I'm going solo. Or I read the stories then go masturbate. They really help. Haha | 2008-02-16 19:27:32 |
| 819 | 5499 | where do you find turn on stories? | 2008-02-16 19:28:45 |
| 819 | 5500 | literotica.com and also communities on LiveJournal.com if you're a member there. :D Not to mention when I don't feel like reading a whole story but want help facilitating good thoughts, I turn to the-clitoris.com. | 2008-02-16 19:30:54 |
| 819 | 5501 | Lots of things to read at [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/mast_indx.htm] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/mast_indx.htm... | 2008-02-16 21:20:02 |
| 819 | 5798 | Always. Try www.asstr.org. Many many archives. Takes some time to find the right sort of story, though. Also www.nifty.org. | 2008-05-30 22:19:59 |
| 819 | 6669 | That's how I've always masturbated. I've recently been interested in fanfiction - it's great! :) | 2009-06-17 20:07:01 |
| 820 | 5496 | what usually gets a guy to want to pound you? Melissa | 2008-02-16 18:47:18 |
| 820 | 5502 | are you asking guys what we like? or girls what tricks they use to turn guys on? | 2008-02-17 01:54:10 |
| 820 | 5503 | either would be cool.... | 2008-02-17 20:43:26 |
| 820 | 5508 | Good question Melissa i've tried to advise on some from a mans point of view. Snuggling up together under a duvet and gentle foreplay Casual flirting brushing against him and showing part breast or stockings accidently (or so we think anyway) The one what does it for me everytime is a sensual massage around my neck and then asking him to do it back i guarantee the oil will start with good intentions but before long the hand is massaging between your legs. I was skiing last year and had a regular massage afterwards and the girl seemed to work on& my groin area for ages fantastic feeling, i'm sure she got pleasure from also she worked her way up the leg& with gentle brushes against my balls. Unfortunately sex never came with the package.& & | 2008-02-22 08:47:34 |
| 820 | 5521 | Are you trying to seduce a guy that is interested or uninterested? Had this conversion last night with a coworker, and mentioned it was a topic on here. She wanted to know why when she made herself available to this guy he showed no interest. I told her I could not guess at his reasons why, as I'm not psychic, but it isn't that she in unattractive, as she is a slim figured coed. If a guy is interested, then a smile and a hello will do. If the guy isn't interested then there is nothing you can do to seduce him, though if you make yourself available to him then he may have sex with you even if he doesn't necessarily share your feelings. I have told a couple female friends that guys don't need to love them to have sex with them, men can have sex just to have sex. So having sex with a guy doesn't mean he will call you in the morning, or if he does, that he want more than sex. Trying to make yourself more attractive to a guy can be a bit dangerous, though many women do it. They try to become the "perfect" woman but don't know what their perfect or desired partner finds attractive. They may assume on the guy's past or present partners, or what society tells them, what he finds a attractive, (brunette, blond, large breasts, small breasts, slim, full figured), but what actually attracts him to women may have nothing to do with physical attributes. From an article in a magazine of came across this week: "Researchers are uncovering new information about why we're instantly attracted to - or turned off by - certain people. While how much a role pheromones play in our behavior remains under scrutiny, new evidence suggests that they do indeed influence our actions. And the secret is our genes." "... our genes can greatly affect how we perceive an odor." "They sought to uncover why people react differently to the two smells [found in sweat and urine] - why some found it "sweet" and others called it "sickening."" This implies that you can't necessarily seduce everyone of the desired gender no matter how hard you try, as your body scents aren't compatible. Now, if you are wanting to increase the attraction between someone who is attracted to you, that is a different subject, but still depends on what they find attractive. [url=www.cnn.com/HEALTH/women/9906/25/sexuality.scent/] www.cnn.com/HEALTH/women/9906/25/sexuality.scent/ [url=en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone]en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone | 2008-02-23 08:24:09 |
| 821 | 5523 | Okay, I'm a 17 year old female and I have several questions. I feel really weird asking these questions so please bear with me. Okay, I have started masturbating recently. However, many of the things I have read on the-clitoris.com have made me wonder. Okay yesterday, I masturbated and just by rubbing my clitoris I had two orgasms within 30 mins. And I found them to be very violent. Everything I have read says that it takes time to work up to an orgasm, is this normal? Also even though I masturbated last night, I woke up this morning with craves to do it again. Is it normal to have desires everyday? And should I give in? | 2008-02-25 14:52:58 |
| 821 | 5524 | every woman's orgasm is uniuqe.& as long as you aren't causing yourself injury, it's ok.& as for cravings, again, as long as the masturbation isn't interfering with your life and making you less productive, then the time you spend on it makes no difference. | 2008-02-25 15:41:58 |
| 821 | 5526 | I can orgasm within a few minutes when I do a quickie such as to get to sleep but usually like to deliberately work up to it for longer for better satisfaction so you aren't unusual at all. I'm sure as you carry on masturbating, you'll start being able to have orgasms quicker and more of them so long as you don't become obsessed with them. Remember what& I said about deliberately holding off of orgasm most of the time until I'm well and truly worked up& because it is better than rushing to it. I only do that when I want to sleep because orgasms help me to drop off. Enjoy!!!:) | 2008-02-26 10:43:33 |
| 821 | 5527 | You seem worried about what is normal or abnormal in regard to sex, do not worry about, it it if feels good to you and you're no hurting yourself,go for it... Orgasms feel different to everybody and sometimes are very dramatic or "violent" and you can experience more than one and still normal, keep experimenting until you find the right estimulation that works for you. Also you can reach orgasm without too much touching or direct estimulation, it happens quite often for many of us. good luck luisa | 2008-02-26 18:51:48 |
| 821 | 5528 | [user=7156]Tephilas[/user] wrote: "Okay, I'm a 17 year old female and I have several questions. I feel really weird asking these questions so please bear with me. Okay, I have started masturbating recently. However, many of the things I have read on the-clitoris.com have made me wonder. Okay yesterday, I masturbated and just by rubbing my clitoris I had two orgasms within 30 mins. And I found them to be very violent. Everything I have read says that it takes time to work up to an orgasm, is this normal? Also even though I masturbated last night, I woke up this morning with craves to do it again. Is it normal to have desires everyday? And should I give in? " Sure it's normal. You'd actually be surprised how many masturbate (teenagers), not just guys. You'd think, masturbating, that's what guys do. Haha, big eye shocker there! You shouldn't let it interfere, but, it's a good thing for you. You know? I mean, it won't hurt you, unless you do something to damage a "part". Like, you think, your doing something that's bad or you don't see any other girls doing it..it's surprising to hear how many do. lol. | 2008-02-26 20:15:42 |
| 821 | 5537 | I know& lot s of girls& who often masurbate several times a day when they do | 2008-02-28 20:41:46 |
| 821 | 5560 | Don't worry about a frequent desire to masturbate...I could do it all day (preferably I'd be with my boyfriend, but since I can't be...). :D It's not a bad thing, unless it interferes with daily life. But if you have the time, then do it as much as your heart desires. : ) Also, everyone's different, so whether you have a huge drive to do it or very little drive at all, then chances are that it's completely normal. | 2008-03-06 16:02:18 |
| 821 | 5561 | [user=130]melissa malena[/user] wrote: "I know& lot s of girls& who often masurbate several times a day when they do" sometimes i masturbate and orgasm up to 2-3 times a day and some days i dont masturbate at all. its all about your cravings and desires. | 2008-03-10 14:59:15 |
| 821 | 5567 | I agree....do you have a favorite way masturbate? | 2008-03-10 20:44:58 |
| 821 | 5620 | Usually I do one a day, although, there have been days when I'm ridiculously horny and go at it three times in an evening.& Or once in the morning, afternoon, and then at night. Other times, I skip a day or two.& So, how often you do it shouldn't be& a problem unless you're, like compelled to do it and it interferes with your daily life in a negative way. (Just like [user=419]avenuesthroughgreenmountains[/user]& said) | 2008-03-21 00:35:07 |
| 821 | 5621 | & AMEN....! I COULDN'T SAID IT BETTER...JUST DO IT UNLESS IT HURTS SOME OTHER PERSON OR THINGS.. IT IS SOMETHING THAT WAS BORN WITH US....MANY TIMES I DID IT DURING MY BREAKS AT WORK AND COULD WORK RELAXED AND ACOMPLISHED MORE......LUISA | 2008-03-21 13:18:45 |
| 821 | 5713 | [user=19]luisa1[/user] wrote: " & AMEN....! I COULDN'T SAID IT BETTER...JUST DO IT UNLESS IT HURTS SOME OTHER PERSON OR THINGS.. IT IS SOMETHING THAT WAS BORN WITH US....MANY TIMES I DID IT DURING MY BREAKS AT WORK AND COULD WORK RELAXED AND ACOMPLISHED MORE......LUISA " exactly, its been kinda hard for me cause my parents went to church and they thought that children that are texan christians shouldn't masturbate, so they didn't want me masturbating when i was younger. but they kinda just leave the subject alone since they cant do anything about it now that im an adult. sorry about the bad grammar and spelling, im a little tired! | 2008-04-27 17:49:56 |
| 821 | 5714 | how often do you jill? | 2008-04-27 18:41:34 |
| 821 | 5716 | Hi sexyless..I grew catholic and the sole idea of touching the genitals was "perverted", and we didn't learn much about sexuality only experimenting with friends (boys and girls). But once I found masturbation I got to be& a "devotee" :>> To this day still praticing it& and loving it& Luisa & | 2008-04-28 11:21:15 |
| 823 | 5529 | Hi, I recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend and it hurt the first and second time then pain went and now i cant feel anything!! i get wet but i have no sensation or pleasure, i can feel him going in and out but i am completely numb! i wish i could feel the pleasure i am supposed to be feeling, but i feel NOTHING. completely dead. what is wrong with me? we are both quite concerned, but not letting it affect our relationship... anyone have any idea at all why this is? even when i am horny i cant feel anything..i should be able to feel something! please help, any advice/possible explainations& most appreciated thanks! & | 2008-02-27 16:05:13 |
| 823 | 5530 | a doctor would be able to answer this better.& but i suppose it could possible be a result of the pain if you rushed intercourse.& you might have injured yourself, and the numbness could be a result, but that's just a guess.& if it was recent, give yourself some time to heal.& if it doesnt go away, then ask a doctor. | 2008-02-27 17:30:09 |
| 823 | 5533 | You may also be one of those who simply doesn't feel pleasure from intercourse. There was an article in the paper the other day saying that scientists had actually found the G-spot but the bad news is that not every woman has one and found differences in the thickness of the tissue between the vagina and urethra with women who get more sensation having thicker tissue and women who don't having less tissue there. Whether this is true, I don't know. It is true that& many women don't really feel sensation from being penetrated. I feel pain because I have vaginismus but if the object is small enough to not cause pain,& I have the same sensation as you. Can feel it going in and out but otherwise quite numb. It is an idea to be checked to make sure there is no damage but don't assume there definitely is. If you are one of those that just don't get lots of sensation from your vagina, utilize the clitoris more instead and find positions where the clit can be massaged during intercourse. More women than not have to do this anyway. | 2008-02-28 05:10:54 |
| 823 | 5534 | This topic has been addressed prior, please see the discussion linked to below: While there haven't been a lot of participants, the following two surveys address the subject of vaginal sensitivity. www.misterpoll.com/polls/301268/results www.misterpoll.com/polls/301267/results Brad | 2008-02-28 08:14:37 |
| 823 | 5536 | when you give yourself pleasure can you O? | 2008-02-28 20:39:50 |
| 825 | 5548 | A woman in her 50s with whom I correspond wrote the other day that she is always& aroused when she sees a woman with good breasts, or a picture of one , such as Hillary Clinton. My wife has never really been turned on, although she notices good ones. How do other women react, please? | 2008-02-29 17:42:25 |
| 825 | 5549 | I wonder how this woman has seen hilary clinton's breasts.& conservative clothing and strategic undergarments can highly alter reality. | 2008-02-29 20:46:53 |
| 825 | 5551 | dfs3,& re Hillary Clinton's breasts:& & you are correct, of course. The full breasts were not seen, only the decolletage and the fulness of the breasts, more suggested than seen. They were sufficient to moisten. | 2008-02-29 21:41:22 |
| 825 | 6187 | And what are BAD breasts?& I love other women's breasts, small or large, all shapes.& Seeing bare breasts is some kind of primitive turn-on.& I really love seeing women hold or grab their boobs, or lightly squeeze their nipples!& This is what I do to mine to get me in the mood under the hood.& :P | 2008-11-02 15:33:58 |
| 825 | 6191 | Mysecret,& & thanks for the reply. I take your point about, 'are there any bad breasts?'& but I think to most men there are 'better ones', shall we say. You are correct about it being arousing to see a woman play with her breasts. For me, it is when she leans forward, has her breasts drop and milks them gently, especially with face cream or some such, drawing out the nipples with each stroke, showing her increasing arousal. Your 'some kind of primitive turn-on' is very interesting, something about which I have wondered& and, I think, it makes sense. Would other women care to comment, please? | 2008-11-03 15:10:53 |
| 829 | 5562 | I received the following question and wondered if others experience the same. I would guess this would be something girls would be reluctant to admit to. "Sometimes--sitting in class or on the bus, for example--I get horny.& It feels as if my big lips are pushing my legs apart at the same time the lips are getting puffy and firmer.& When I finally notice and push my legs together or cross them, I just get hornier...which makes things even more awkward. I feel foolish not being able to figure out how to deal with this.& Any suggestions, please?& On the bus sometimes I feel I'm taking up too much room." | 2008-03-10 15:41:33 |
| 829 | 5563 | My reply to her: & You are experiencing normal sexual desire and arousal so there is nothing you can do to stop these experiences. Well there is, but it involves taking prescription medication prescribed to treat unrelated medical conditions. & Your labia, inner and outer are becoming engorged with blood, which causes an actual swelling and increase in their size. Their increased size results in an increase in sensitivity, so crossing your legs would tend to cause more sensation and increased arousal. The vibrations of the bus may be stimulating too. & Some women have mentioned experiencing vaginal lubrication that makes them feel very wet and uncomfortable, with no solution other than to masturbate and/or change their underwear frequently. & I am sure other girls experience the same, but are reluctant to say anything publicly. I have posted your question to our discussion forum, so others can share their experiences.& & & Solution, wear loose fitting clothing like skirts and dresses, so your vulva has more room to expand. You might also find underwear that fits loosely yet still conceals everything, like boxers or tap pants. & Your level of sexual responsiveness is likely influenced by your menstrual cycle, so you might want to keep a written record of it, so you know on which days it is best to wear loser fitting cloths. & In a survey on this website, 22% of the female participants say they have masturbated in a school building when they were in grades 7 through 12, so about 1 in 5 women have likely masturbated in the school bathroom. 6% have done so in the classroom, between 1& and 2& out of 25 women have done this. It may sound naughty and possibly a little perverted, but sometime you got to do whatever gets you through the day. As long as you are discrete no one will know. & & | 2008-03-10 15:52:47 |
| 829 | 5564 | It is quite common when you feel your labia kind of "swollen" because it is the sign of arousal when the vulva gets engorged and kind of grow bigger; the way I handle the situaiton is to get my panties inside the vulva, touching my clit nad rock my crossed legs to orgasm. This is of course trying no to attract attention. This happened at the malls and at work, and at waiting rooms. Good luck Luisa | 2008-03-10 15:53:56 |
| 829 | 5565 | Luisa, you naughty girl. :shock: ;) :2thumbs Well, since 36% of women, 1 out of 3, admitted to doing this in one of the surveys on the website you are hardly alone. :D Darn, no thumbs up smiley. :( Ok, fixed that :P | 2008-03-10 15:58:43 |
| 831 | 5572 | I was asked to delete the thread with the recent survey and have done so at the author's request. | 2008-03-11 20:10:33 |
| 833 | 5578 | Sexual History (Which may or may not be important) I'm a 19 year old virgin who began masturbating shortly before her 18th birthday.& Ergo, I'm a new hand at this.& It was actually kind of weird how I wound up doing so.& I was actually afraid something was wrong with me when a tampon didn't make me feel good.& I was wondering if something had messed me up, and was absolutely terrified. When I was very young, likely around five or six, my doctor discovered that my genital region was being grown together, which would have sealed off my urethra among other important things.& They had to cut it apart.& Which hurt like hell, I remember that much.& Every few days, my mom had to pry it apart again with a Q-tip until it finally stopped.& Then, I lost my hymen to a bicycle seat that was too high and a jump onto it that was way too spirited. Worried at the failure of pleasure at inserting something into my vagina (the tampon), I asked my mom if there was something wrong with me.& She said no and explained the clitoris and stimulation and all that good stuff.& Well, not in depth, but she told me it was okay to masturbate. I didn't even know what a clitoris WAS until that time, at 18 years old, which shows you how prepared I was for this.& In fact, I was so paranoid at one point in my life about touching "those" parts of myself, I would have to wash my hands if I so much as touched my bra or panties.& Much less my breasts or anything else.& I think it was during my pre-teen and early teen years. My first experiences were bad, since I think I still felt guilty for doing a "bad thing."& I had pain when my muscles contracted, and it lasted for a long time afterwards, at least half an hour or better.& I had to talk to my mother again and she assured me it was fine and that she did it. That's all well and good-ish. I masturbate almost daily, but I am entirely unsatisfied with it.& So disatisfied, I have braved going into a sex toy stores, something I didn't think my parents would approve of, and spending 10 dollars on a bullet and 40 on a g-spot stimulator/vibrator.& Neither of which really helped me. I have been masturbating for over a year now and I have yet to achieve an orgasm.& I thought I had been (and was disappointed by my "orgasm").& I would stimulate my clit until my vaginal muscles contracted, which made me think that was likely it, but I stop feeling any pleasure the very moment the contractions started, and continued stimulation becomes almost painfully uncomfortable.& I feel tired and no longer in the mood for masturbation, but I couldn't believe that was it.& Well, I guess I could, as I did, but I've recently (through a person who recommended this site) discovered this isn't true. So, I'm pre-orgasmic. Now, from what I've read on this site (believe me, I've read), I shouldn't focus on trying to have an orgasm, but just try to have fun with myself.& I'm trying very hard to do that, but it's hard to keep my mind off of it. Especially since I think I might be currently incapable of acheiving an orgasm.& I have 5 different psychological issues; long-term depression, chronic depression, dysthymic disorder, general anxiety disorder, and social phobia.& For almost a decade I've been on medications for it.& Zoloft, Lexapro, Buspar, Wellbutrin, and my latest prescribed medical cocktail is actually a Lexapro and a Wellbutrin once a day.& Wellbutrin has low sexual side effects, but Lexapro, as I've looked up, can be anorgasmic.& There's also a possibility that I am Type 2 bipolar, so I foresee another medication change.& (Bipolar with prolonged downs and small ups isn't really uncommon from what I've read, and it is hereditary, and both of my parents and at least one of my grandparents are on drugs for depression and/or anxiety, while I feel some of the other close relatives should be.)) I'm not sure what to do.& I don't think I can make it without my medications, since when I don't take them, I sleep 14+ hours a day and will cry off and on all day for very irrational reasons.& Even now, with medication, at least once a month I will cry for about 2-4 hours straight. I know there isn't much you can really do about that, but do you have any tips for coping?& Any friends with experiences or your own experiences with depression medications that work well for you?& Maybe even just soothe my anxiety a bit, that could help.& I don't tend to listen to myself when I say/think things, but when I hear them from someone else I trust to know, it's like the voice of God. (Exagerating, but you get the point.) Trying to figure out if it's the medication or my techniques/feelings is really complicated.& I'm also not sure how to broach the subject with my psychologist.& I probably should just be straightforward with "I don't think I can orgasm with this med can we try something else?"& But, then again, what if there is no other medication that I can get to work this well? I guess all I'm asking for is a bit of support, suggestions, whatever.& If you think my problems might have some other cause you've picked out in my history there, I'm all ears.& Really sorry to have such a long "question," too.& It just feels good to have someone to talk to about it, though, I guess. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it. ~Ms Elaneous | 2008-03-13 01:27:09 |
| 833 | 5579 | Hello I suffer from my own set of issues including general anxiety disorder and moderate depression as a result along with vaginismus meaning I can't insert anything larger than a certain size into my vagina and can't have IC. I'm now 28 and still a virgin because of this. Fortunately, I never had a problem with orgasm, mainly because it happened by accident without me every really thinking about it beforehand and masturbation for me was just a means of following urges rather that making it into a chore in order to have orgasm which is what I suspect you may have done. You have deliberately started doing it purely to combat the problem of not really feeling anything in your vagina and so started masturbation for that reason and immediately set about trying to make yourself orgasm. I suspect you know this is why you aren't having one. You aren't masturbating for the right reasons. I only did it because I got urges and something inside just told me to do things, touch certain areas and I just followed that instinct and I was about 18 then. I did it simply because it felt good, not because I was trying to reach some certain goal. It's good that you can speak to your mother openly like you have though. I couldn't talk to mine about these things. She is right about the vagina often not being sensitive for many women. The media and such would have us all believe every woman is supposed to squirm with intense pleasure from having something inside her vagina but it's a load of toss. Not many women get good sensation from it, many feel pretty numb, myself included. Sex toys won't be a miracle cure for these things. If you are having trouble orgasming for psychological reasons, they'll not make that much difference. They can make things much more interesting mind or help those to have orgasm who have trouble being able to stimulate themselves properly with their hands due to maybe not being as sensitive as some etc.. I don't think that is your issue though. You need to try and figure out what feels the best when you masturbate. Start by stimulating areas other than the genital area such as breasts or wherever feels good and makes you feel hornier. Let your mind run away, imagine some sexy fantasy to accompany your masturbation session. This is imperative. If your mind is not on it, you'll get nowhere. The story can be anything that makes you feel horny. Even if it seems disturbing/taboo, don't worry about it. Many fantasies are and thats all they are, fantasies. I have fantasies that I certainly wouldn't want to happen for real. Take your time and really let yourself steam up before going near to the genitals and getting to work there. Just do whatever feels nice and be sure to attach your sexy fantasy to whatever you do at all times. You'll have to do some mental self-exploration as well as physical exploration to find out what fantasy turns you on the best. Experiment. You'll soon start to automatically re-use those fantasies that work best over those that don't. They do tend to change over time because you change as a person. They are one of the most important aspects of masturbation so don't forget them. Remember, you imagine the sexy story and you're the lead character in that story. Allow yourself to get lost in it and enjoy it for what it is and orgasm will most likely follow on it's own accord. Once you've done that, you'll know better what brings orgasm on and then you can concentrate on what makes you orgasm rather than the orgasm itself. I can have over 20 in one session, one after another. I can make myself orgasm within minutes on the odd occasion when I can't sleep because they help me drop off. I wasn't always able to have that many orgasms. It came with practise. after my first orgasm which I wasn't expecting, I knew then what made it happen so I'd just repeat it. Good thing I realised the importance of the fantasy though as well as the manual stimulation. You need to forget everyone and everything& else and concentrate on your own personal sexual fantasy and act along to it on your own body. When you do orgasm, you'll know you did. There is no mistaking it. | 2008-03-13 15:32:10 |
| 833 | 5580 | I really appreciate the feedback, and it was good to get a reply.& I've been talking to my mom and she suggests that I talk to my doctor about the medication.& I agree, since I think that is the largest problem, but if not, the mental barrier may lessen if I think that's the problem.& So, who knows?& If this doesn't work, I'm going to see a gynocologist soon.& I wish there was some sort of sexologist, really, who was all about helping you sexually satisfy yourself, not just about your health.& I don't think insurance would pay for that, though. :D Also, I learned that she is only able to orgasm once a week, or have a more reduced orgasm if she does it more than once.& Is that genetic, do you think?& Or could I possibly work up to being able to orgasm multiple times as you do?& Honestly, I'm a bit jealous, there. :?& Of course, any is better than none. | 2008-03-13 20:28:12 |
| 833 | 5585 | It's true we are all different and some woman can have a lot like me, or even more,& and others can't and are shattered after the one. Still, if that one satisfies you, why have more? Each one is satisfying for me when it happens& but I quickly develop the urge for more which is why I have more. If you're only meant to have the one, just enjoy it. If you don't have the urge for more afterwards, you don't need to have more. It could be partly genetics but I do believe a lot of it comes down to technique and psychological issues in women too. Try not to be jealous either. I could be jealous of women who can have IC and who feel good sensation from penetration. I know it would be a waste of my time being jealous of them mind. I doubt I'll ever have orgasms from vaginal stimulation but I don't fret over it.& You just have to concentrate on yourself and what you do have& and good things will come. Forget everyone else. I only mention me having more Os& as a means of sharing experience and giving an example of how practise can bring these things about. It maybe something you can achieve when you're older, maybe not, but the chance is there. I often find that I might not get an urge to masturbate as often as I'd like...just not in the mood or maybe I just need to expose myself to more stimuli to get me going to start with but there are times when my mind is just that way inclined and this is what makes me seek out visual stimuli which turn me on even more so that I can get excited enough to have a really good DIY session. There are people who post in here who are at it everyday. I wouldn't have the time, lol.:D | 2008-03-14 11:24:37 |
| 833 | 5587 | Okay, thank you very much.& I'm a lot more relaxed today than I was yesterday and the day before thanks to talking about this here and with my mother and a few close girl friends. :)& I've stopped my medication and I'm going to give myself a week or so before trying to masturbate again, to let sexual tension build and to let the medication kind of filter out of my system.& So, I'm actually rather optimistic about trying it once I'm clear of meds.& And I'll have a place available to be alone and spend time with myself, so there'll be no trying to rush it either. ((I don't have SEVERE depression and I'm still on the wellbutrin, but not the lexapro.)) | 2008-03-14 16:10:39 |
| 833 | 5588 | I think that medications are too often used for the likes of depression but they only mask the problem, not solve it. Sometimes they are needed but they are never a cure and other action needs to be taken alongside meds. I never took anything for it and don't want to. We aren't meant to feel happy all the time but there is this notion that we should. It is normal for us to feel the whole range of emotions throughout our lives and depression can be a sign that we need to re-evaluate our lives, change it for the better and so we should listen to it, not stifle it out with meds. Learning how to appreciate things and not striving so hard to be constantly happy which is often what causes depression to start with ironically. You usually find yourself feeling happy when you aren't trying but you don't really notice it. It sort of fleets by...you know the saying about how time flies when you're having fun. It's usually the simple things that make us most happy. Realising what these are and giving yourself more opportunities to indulge is better than any medication. I get a high from doing photography and photographing exciting subjects. I forget about all my troubles, don't care how I look or anything when I have a great subject like& a stunning horse galloping round a paddock& to photograph and I'm there with the camera snapping away and then uploading the images to the computer and seeing how they look large on the screen. I'm in my elements when doing this. Also, when I'm painting, I'm an artist, playing music, seeing to the dogs, looking after my several hundred cacti, you name it. Keeping yourself busy with things you enjoy is always the best way of keeping depression at bay. It's when you're sitting around with a bored mind that you have time to start worrying about this and that, about how you look and all the rest....plus being bored means that time drags and so depression seems to take up most of your life. Hope this helps a little...although it is totally off topic.:D & | 2008-03-14 17:55:21 |
| 833 | 5589 | Well, there is actually the fact that the brain DOESN'T make the proper chemicals.& When I was younger I had irrational paranoia, guilt, and general misery.& I would cry for hours at a time without any good reason at all.& That's when they first put me on it.& It got better. Then it stopped working as well as I got older and dosage change didn't help.& Tried a new one.& Better.& But not quite right.& So another.& WORSE.& Off that.& Another.& Not great, better when it was put with the second one, augmenting both effects.& The second one is the one that is causing anorgasmia, if my suspicions are correct and there is nothing outside of the side effects that is causing this. When I am off medication I feel extremely depressed, or when I'm put on the wrong one.& I've tried going without and safe to say, when I'm crying for hours at a time more than once a week, I need something.& I cannot during that point or after it figure out why I was crying, I just felt the need.& On Christmas day this year I cried for four hours straight without stopping, even with medication.& I was trying straight wellbutrin at the time.& My parents are both on the medications and my dad gets grouchy and nervous while my mom just gets very, very depressed. When I think of depression medications, it's not trying to eliminate ups and downs, it's trying to make sure you're not going up and down at ninety degree angles to extreme emotional effects for no reason whatsoever.& And again, I may be Type II bipolar, which also would require medication to stabilize the mood.& Bipolar needs medication, as does actual depression with no understandable cause apart from biological perspectives.& I've been to therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and after talking to them, session after session, all of them either told me to get my meds sorted out, that I was fine I just needed meds, or prescribed me the meds.& Not all of them were even from the same place.& Some of the therapists I saw were actually therapists that don't charge their clients as a part of my college campus. But nonetheless, over the summer I'm going to try and wean myself off to see if I need them anymore, since I don't experience the original problems I used to.& And I realize doing that will probably involve some serious withdrawals since my body is now very dependent on my medications doing it for me, AKA, much depression.& I'm going to talk to my psychologist again about my meds and potentially going off of them, as well as what effects I'm having on my sexual self. I am also horribly busy, and have a hard time taking time for myself.& I have been feeling ridiculously stressed lately and have taken up yoga to at least combat some of the physical side.& It usually transfers to my mood, too.& Something else to focus on. Thanks for the attempt at helping, though.& It means a lot to have someone on my side to talk to.& I just feel like it is possible for there to be a way the brain isn't wired quite right, as things like bipolar are genetic, hereditary (not necessarily through being raised by that person) and that the doctors believe depression is as well.& If I AM type II bipolar, emphasis on the depressive side, then I probably will definitely need medications of some kind.& But I'm just gonna lay it on my psychologist ASAP (April). | 2008-03-14 23:08:27 |
| 833 | 5658 | UPDATE: I have noticed some positive sexual changes since quitting the Lexapro, however, my problem remains unresolved.& The changes are thus:& I'm more aroused throughout the day.& Almost ridiculous amounts.& Without manual or mental stimulation, I have found I am already lubricated most of the day.& Very much so, in some cases.& On the plus side, stimulation actually does feel better and formerly unsensitive areas seem to have woken up. I'm only on one medication now, and, the accidental attempt to remove it (rather than having some private time during the break, I got sick) from my system resulted in some extremely severe depression.& Not psychotically so, but, holding off crying all day and then just wailing in the shower was not my idea of a good time.& Which means I'm still probably going to need something in that department. I have an appointment with my psychologist next week's Tuesday, so, we'll see what he says about new medications.& I'm not sure if the one I'm on is still affecting me or not, but I'm still unable to achieve orgasm.& So, any suggestions, encouragement, or the like would be much appreciated. | 2008-03-31 01:42:33 |
| 835 | 5592 | I am a sixteen year old female. I haven't ever heard or read of this happening to anyone else. People tend to say they feel carefree, stressfree, and generally happy after they orgasm. Not I. During orgasm& it's great& -- I feel plenty of pleasure then. But it is almost like afterwards I have a sort of "crash," like when you& come down from a (very intense) sugar high. I feel heady and sometimes a bit feverish and then I get into a sort of mild, temporary depressed mood. Nothing I can do changes this. I don't understand why I should be experiencing this. I don't think it is post-masturbation shame or anything, since& I appreciate and exalt my sexuality. Does this& happen to anyone else? Is this normal?& Thanks Andrea & | 2008-03-15 22:11:40 |
| 835 | 5593 | I've heard of people suffering a bit of headache as a result of an orgasm but with all the tension which goes on beforehand, I suppose it is possible for this to happen to some people. We're all different like that. I don't think your temporary down is anything to worry too much about but if you do worry, seeing a doc might help put your mind at rest. Do you just have the one orgasm or do you have several? I have to have a number of them now because one isn't enough. It feels great but my urge quickly returns...like within a few seconds and I feel ultra sensitive with a strong urge to orgasm again and again. This won't go away until I had enough. If I didn't have them, I'd bet left feeling pretty crap and my clitoris would shout at me well and truly for a good while before it gave up. | 2008-03-16 10:59:47 |
| 835 | 5594 | *sigh* I agree with you, Canis Lupess, when you say it probably isn't serious. I don't know if i want to talk to a doctor about it or not. To answer your& question, I& usually only have one orgasm per "session." Usually, after& the first one, I feel so& drained and ultra-sensitive& I& have to wait& about five minutes before& I can start again. And then sometimes, I don't even want to keep going, thanks to the mildly depressed mood I talked about before. I know physical health has a lot to do with how people experience sex/masturbation. Might it I'm not in shape, and that's why I feel the way I do after orgasm? I used to run three miles a day, and I don't recall feeling like this during that time... Could that be the cause? Thanks! :) | 2008-03-16 11:46:18 |
| 835 | 5595 | Hi dear andrea.. Well it happened to me and the most memorable was my first real orgasm that I lost conciousness for few seconds, everything went black while I still contracting and woke up real tired....but happy..& Luisa | 2008-03-16 14:28:23 |
| 835 | 5598 | I believe the information in the thread linked to below may apply. | 2008-03-16 17:34:08 |
| 835 | 5599 | Brad, thanks for the link... Are you suggesting I don't get enough physical contact? From myself and/or from others? I know I receive more than enough from myself: I get off almost daily. Just a bit confused about what you're trying to say :? | 2008-03-16 18:05:35 |
| 835 | 5600 | Hi, Sorry, I was wanting to make you aware of the potential side affects of Oxytocin on your body after orgasm. Brad | 2008-03-16 20:10:06 |
| 835 | 5607 | [user=7580]PulgaDay19[/user] wrote" During orgasm& it's great& -- I feel plenty of pleasure then. But it is almost like afterwards I have a sort of "crash," like when you& come down from a (very intense) sugar high. I feel heady and sometimes a bit feverish and then I get into a sort of mild, temporary depressed mood. This is very interesting. I am a male and I have had similiar difficulties following ejaculation. I have a 'reason' for the difficulty, reading Brads article made me aware of a lot more reasons. This is going back into my past as when I was 27 I was involved in a near fatal car accident and recieved severe head injuries, I am now very like 'normal' (that is a problem as I am glad I'm not normal ;) ) and have overcome many of these tests of nature. Anyway, I used to find that unless I was in a relaxed and not tired state following ejaculation I would have the same depressed moods and often loose control of my temper, I do not have these mood swings now. The way I adjusted to it was to experience 'orgasms', which are wonderful senstions travelling through my body starting at my prostrate and scotrum and having 'electrifying' sensations all the way through my penis. Ejaculation is similiar only more intense for a couple of seconds. I found not ejaculating gave my partner a longer pleasurable intercourse. It provided me with long lasting strong sexual desires and enjoyment, where I could satisfy myself in many ongoing pleasurable, sexual ways. I still prefer this method now as I can masturbate for hours and still feel wonderful. I also never have a 'mess' to clean up. The downside of not ejaculating is perhaps it stores semen in the prostrate and now I am very slow if I do want to ejaculate. Perhaps thats my mid - age. Now back to the start and reading what Brad reffered to with oxytocin sending messages to different parts of the body, it may all relate to our physical well being and mental state. I take some vitamins that include a mind relaxing stimulant and my health and state of mind is very good now. Perhaps we could detail suitable vitamins for all of our needs, I'm willing to share mine with anyone who is interested. Thanks for your post Andrea, it has certainley helped me. & " | 2008-03-17 18:45:09 |
| 835 | 5608 | Thanks for your thoughts, Enjoy...I'm going to try some sort of relaxation exercise before I begin& masturbation and see if that changes the results at all. I also have a hunch that& my chronic& lack of sleep is& starting to affect my health (headaches, frequent colds, etc.) and might very well& be impacting my sex life. It's crazy how much a little extra sleep and a little more exercise can do for you! Enjoy, you say you take a mind relaxing stimulant...can I ask what exactly it's for? Thanks all! ;) | 2008-03-17 21:17:50 |
| 835 | 5611 | I think that would be a very good thing to do, take relaxation exercises. I often meditate which relieves stress from my mind and puts my body in a very relaxed and receptive state. Our bodies do need a sufficient amount of sleep also. People with sleep deprivation can and do act like they are hallucinating from drugs or a re intoxicated from liquor. I think the first step is to get our body’s physical health going in the right direction and this will lead our sexual health to improve also. The dietary supplement helps alleviate stress and tiredness from lack of sleep. It helps moderate our levels of cortisol to maintain our even temperament. I will only give you its availability by you contacting me privately leaving me your contact information. Take Care | 2008-03-18 03:33:09 |
| 835 | 5612 | I agree about the sleep issue. I've been sleep deprived lately added with lots of stresses from bereavements, redundancy and a new job to replace it which I hate& and all the rest, I have a constant twitch in my lower left eye at the moment that won't go away and I have also been lacking in any sexual urges recently too. | 2008-03-18 04:56:07 |
| 835 | 5616 | Lack of sex and lack of sleep are difficult to overcome under stressful situations. Bereavements particularly effect our emotions, we need to really remember the good about the deceased and be joyfull for having been associated with them. Work directions are constantly changing. WE need to look outside the square and find work which is part of our lifestyle, then it will become satisfying. We all need to have pleasurable sexual activity. It builds our inner belief. | 2008-03-19 02:14:46 |
| 836 | 5601 | My girlfriend and I are going to be long-distance for a year or so. We're both 18.& We've been together for over two years, with a few breakups, but that's not really important.& What's important is, she is always saying that she is horny, and sick of it.& And yet, she refuses to masturbate.& I've suggested it a lot, and she always just says flat out "no."& I try to probe it a bit more, but she refuses to really get farther into it than "it's disgusting."& I tell her that everyone is sexual, and everyone needs release or they'll go nuts, but she still refuses. What do you tell someone to get them to try masturbation?& Is there anything?& I've tried to guide her to do it during sex, and it was always like there was an invisible wall around her genitals when her hands got near. I feel like everyone should have the option if they really need it... I'd feel so trapped without the option to have release on my own.& And it must make sexuality seem like a stress rather than a healthy and fun aspect of life. I really am concerned. :( | 2008-03-17 00:16:27 |
| 836 | 5604 | Have you ever pointed her towards the-clitoris.com so she can read and understand it better? I used to have some pretty narrow views on masturbation and this website completely opened me up. | 2008-03-17 10:18:11 |
| 836 | 5605 | Does she let you touch her there during sex?& Not just with your penis, but with your hands or mouth?& If she lets you do it, then wouldn't that make you disgusting?& Unless there's something a bit wrong with her logic, of course... Anyway, that's just a logical process you could use to try to put it into a new perspective. Also, there has to be some other reason other than "it's disgusting."& I realize you try and probe into it, but I doubt that she's this withdrawn about it unless there's something else she's not mentioning... I'm no authority, mind, but that's just my thoughts, along with the thought that you are a pretty awesome boyfriend for wanting to help her out with this.& Hopefully she'll be a little more open with you about why she is so adverse to stimulating herself given a little time and trust. | 2008-03-17 10:52:12 |
| 836 | 5606 | Yes, I pointed her to this website awhile ago, and she was into it, too.& She read up on it quite a lot as far as I know.& I don't know when or why she stopped, but even while she was reading it, she refused to even try masturbating. Ms Elaneous, you're quite right when you say there's something else involved here.& I'm not sure how it exactly would pertain to the issue, but I'm sure it must have some bearing on it.& The fact is, she was raped and molested throughout her life starting from a very young age.& I'm pretty much her first boyfriend who's ever treated her with respect and kindness. :(& We're both 18, btw. Well, I'll direct her to this site again, and maybe this specific topic.& I really want to help her with this. | 2008-03-17 11:27:56 |
| 836 | 5609 | Speaking from a teenage girl's perspective, there might be a few things you could try: Before anything gets physical, you might want to talk to her about it. You've pointed out that you've already tried to talk to her, and she always cuts the conversation short with "It's disgusting." Perhaps try sitting her down and seriously telling her& what you think about the subject; encourage her to be a bit more open about her real feelings/aversions towards masturbation. Have an open& discussion where you both& get to fully express your feelings on the issue -- once it's all in the open, it will probably get easier to navigate through the mess to a& healthy, constructive solution.& Don't just encourage her to check out the-clitoris.com, actually read it through with her, obviously placing emphasis upon the info on masturbation. Maybe you could also try telling her about why you masturbate (I'm assuming you do), and what a fulfilling, healthy experience it is. & As Ms Elaneous asked before: do you touch her vulva and clitoris during sex? Or outside of& sex?& Does she allow you to? If she does, I think this would be a great way to whet her appetite -- at least, it might convince her that being touched& there isn't a shameful, disgusting thing (as she probably believes now thanks to whatever imbecile raped and molested her). Has she seen a psychologist/counselor about the sexual abuse she suffered? I know from personal experience that suggesting a counselor is a touchy subject for many people ("What the& #@%& are you suggesting?! I am NOT crazy!"). But I can also tell you from personal experience that talking to a totally uninvolved third person can help take a load off anyone's chest. If your girlfriend hasn't had the chance to talk to a counselor, etc., you might want to encourage her to do so. Her aversion to touching herself sounds like it's linked to the aftereffects of sexual abuse. Instead of trying to hack away at the symptoms one by one, eliminate the source -- I'm no doctor, but I'm sure this would be much better for your girlfriend's physical and mental health. Concerned, I really& hope this helped, and I apologize in advance if any of the suggestions were way off mark. Best of luck to both of you. & | 2008-03-17 21:50:00 |
| 836 | 5613 | Hi, At this point I would say it is very important for her to feel in control of her body and sexuality, as in the past she wasn't permitted to be. An innocent suggestion on your part may be interpreted by her as you trying to control those aspects of her life. You have provided access to supportive information, beyond that and being supportive yourself there is little you can do unless she is willing. Her prior abuse may result in her strong desire causing greater conflict for her than those who experience equal desire but without the history of abuse, as her body may seem to be out of her control, as it was in the past. You should encourage her to continue to have counseling, or encourage her to seek counseling, while being supportive and going yourself, or joining a support group for partners of victims of sexual abuse. Please see the Q&A's linked to below: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_17.htm#3 www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_26.htm#6 Brad | 2008-03-18 08:36:20 |
| 837 | 5602 | I have enjoyed this site for some years and congratulate you on it. This is my first post and would like to add to the& subject on female ejaculation. My wife of 11 years and I have recently discovered this unique and extremely gratifying phenomena - damn, it's fantastic! from small beginings to the most recent experiences. For us it is a G spot thing, don't be shy about looking for it, it's there, keep looking! This will require a finger inside her and usually my tongue on her clit. Sometimes her squirts are of a large volume, up to six or seven mouthfulls! On these occasions she cannot stop or control the discharge-it is the best thing. For my pleasure, it is my equivalent to& a blow job, it is that good. Girls don't be shy, keep trying. Big squirts or small, they are to be relished and cherished. Recently, while she was on top facing me I could feel her vagina 'massaging' my penis (another recent phenomena) with powerful muscular contractions. With no other stimulation she squirted onto my chest and into my mouth-unbelievable. I have not been aware of many women squirting with a penis inside at the time, initially& I would have to withdraw my finger or penis to allow her to let go.& There is not much more to add at this time, so please be patient and experiment, you will both be delighted. Keep a supply of towels handy so you can be ready, without having to& interupt the pleasantries.& Thankyou. | 2008-03-17 05:18:37 |
| 838 | 5617 | Wow, 39 reads of my first post! Thankyou. I should have asked for comments and replies-feel free, indulge me!! I mentioned the muscle spasms in that post and felt I should elaborate on that. These were the most powerful spasms I have ever felt! Being inside when my wife ejaculated I got to experience just how profoundly strong these muscles are and the power they can exert on my penis. The pressure was felt in different places on my cock suggesting different muscle bundles contracting. leading up to the discharge. Another visually gratifying aspect was the pushing out of the raised 'bumpy' section of the front wall of the vagina (as illustrated in the& photo shown in the section titled 'What is and who has a G spot'-under Female Ejaculation& ). This is something to see and experience!!! That is all for now, please feel free to offer your comments. I would be especially interested to hear from any women& sharing this phenomena (this is not just a guy thing to get off on! I want to learn how to make it any better, because I am also a beneficiary of this fantastic experience. Your pretty fortunate with this one!) Don't give up on trying to replicate this. You have got to try it. | 2008-03-19 02:17:40 |
| 839 | 5622 | well, i was wondering what people's BEST masturbation experience was. if u dont feel comfortable telling it on the board, feel free the private message me. Love, LEXI :D | 2008-03-21 17:33:43 |
| 839 | 5626 | well, I have one with an aerobics routine....e-mail me if you want me to tell you... Melissa | 2008-03-21 22:42:30 |
| 839 | 5627 | sexylexi14,& & I would love to post& a response to both your threads but all& I can see is a red haze before my eyes, after watching those gorgeous tits moving for all of 4 seconds!& Can you please turn them off for a, very little, & while? | 2008-03-21 23:08:36 |
| 841 | 5624 | what do u think of cyber masturbation. i've never done it and i was wondering how to do it and how is it better than regular masturbation? Love, LEXI :D | 2008-03-21 17:37:03 |
| 841 | 5678 | [user=7470]sexylexy14[/user] wrote: "what do u think of cyber masturbation. i've never done it and i was wondering how to do it and how is it better than regular masturbation? Love, LEXI :D " Hi Lex, what I think of Cyber Masturbation? I love it, I find it exciting. Now to being better. I wouldn't say, it's different. And much fun if you find someone who can go along, that's much like in real. | 2008-04-04 20:05:26 |
| 841 | 5679 | sextlexy14,& This may well be far too much information for you, beautiful woman, but your bouncing tits have brought me off frequently since you first opened this thread, so I think cyber is great!, and thank you. | 2008-04-04 20:46:03 |
| 841 | 5682 | Listen very carefully, I will say this only once.... I do not cyber masturbate ever! [-( | 2008-04-07 14:28:33 |
| 841 | 5683 | I much prefer phonefun! & :P | 2008-04-07 14:29:10 |
| 841 | 5688 | The idea of sharing masturbation makes it even more intense & exciting to me. I laugh how this has changed over the years. I think most of us felt, when first begining to masturbate, I hid it, denied it. Normally continued to have my own private moments when with my ex. i went through some hard times where I did not trust men. It was through chat rooms that I was able to come back to life. I still have private time but sharing the thoughts during personal arousal as well as knowing what she or he is also doing is much more exciting then simply living in my own fantasy. Can you tell? Yes I have masturbated while chatting - frequently. | 2008-04-12 14:55:59 |
| 841 | 5699 | My husband and I would live to try this, but the question that I have is - where do I (we) go to find others that are also interested. Help would be greatly appreciated. | 2008-04-16 04:51:59 |
| 841 | 5700 | Hi naughty .....I know a site where you can start looking and chatting and it is free. The name is literotica.com you are asked to register your name, etc. if you need any help please look for my email in the members page and write direct to me..good luck luisa & | 2008-04-16 12:15:18 |
| 841 | 5701 | Literotica is a wonderful site for the most part. the-clitoris also has a section on masturbation methods filled with gal's stories. www.listerotica. com www.the-clitoris.com | 2008-04-16 12:20:15 |
| 841 | 5703 | Thanks a million, should be fun! | 2008-04-17 03:04:09 |
| 841 | 5705 | Hi, went to vipcams.literotica.com/ I do not want particualy to chat/video with models - just& other like minded folk. Are there any other webs sites similar to this. Thanks a million. | 2008-04-17 06:28:12 |
| 841 | 5709 | naughty, would you like to try & & & newbienudes.com You can check the many pics., look up Profiles, PM people interested in cyber chat. | 2008-04-19 23:52:17 |
| 843 | 5628 | Hullo, I posted here a little while back. I'll have to thank the people who responded to my other thread. But I have something else that has been on my mind for quite awhile. It's a bit long though. I've known this guy for a couple of years. We both have social anxiety and depression so we clicked very easily. Over time I found that he would bring me down a lot. I would try to remain encouraging but he would do the opposite. Maybe it was just a part of his personality? I had hoped that we would both be able to encourage and pick each other up when we were down, but it seems the relationship was one-sided in that respect since he rarely did that for me. He would on occasion, but very rarely. I've mentioned it a few times but he never really responded. Later down the road I notice he would always express his dissatisfaction with an older woman he sleeps with. He claims they're "friends" and their relationship isn't merely a FWB kind. And yet he wanted to have a "real" girlfriend. For awhile I'd just add my thoughts here and there, that he shouldn't use this woman if she's not "good enough" to be a girlfriend, ect. But I mostly stayed out of it. As we spent more time as friends I became more comfortable with him and I found myself starting to care. I was confused because I knew he wasn't the type of person who was "good" for me since he wasn't very supportive or encouraging and I often felt things were one-sided. Against my better judgment one day I asked what he thought of us getting together. He laughed and thought I was joking. I assured him I was serious and he began saying things like he'll "think about it", he's "conflicted", "maybe down the road". So I gave him space to consider it while reminding him I was still interested from time to time. Maybe I just completely misread his intentions, but I felt safe presenting the idea because it seemed like something he was open to early in our friendship. Or perhaps I was just naive in thinking we'd be able to encourage and help each other which would lead to feeling better about ourselves. Also he was always complaining about wanting a girlfriend, and yet it seemed like he was turning me down. I didn't think much of it until he mentioned that he was talking to a girl online who lives in another province. He said he wanted to get her to be his GF even though she wasn't interested. Eventually I guess he got threw because she flew down to visit him. Their relationship was odd because it seemed like she didn't want to commit as a couple and become boyfriend/girlfriend, but he kept persisting. And yes, he was still seeing his so called "fuck buddy". My mind said forget about him but I couldn't help feeling hurt: he chose to go after a girl living THOUSANDS of miles away who WASN'T even interested instead of seriously considering my suggestion...and I was right there and willing to give it a try. It made me feel unwanted and hideous... and even though this happened over a year ago, I still feel hurt by it. I'm beginning to think it was because I had reached out for validation and didn't get the validation I needed... and it's what bothers me the most and is the most hurtful. Especially hurtful when he would talk about his problems with the women he screws. He'd get worried if they so much as blink the wrong way at him and would ask for my opinion. It felt like he was hitting me below the belt. But I tried to be there anyway as a friend and offered my thoughts. I think these feelings resurfaced when he told me he was going to Paris with the girl he met online. I've never had a relationship because of my depression and self doubt but since I've improved tremendously over time I wanted to give it a chance, especially since I've been emotionally lonely. I had hoped I would've met someone by now and maybe not feel so hurt by what happened. That if I got the validation I needed from someone, I could put this aside. It didn't happen. So I'm thinking of letting him go as a friend. Sometimes I feel I give more and he takes more and it weighs at my heart. Combined with my hurt feelings that won't go away because of what happened, I don't know what else to do. I just wish he would've said something, that he saw me as only a friend (if that is the case) instead of keeping me guessing, waiting, and feeling like shit by pursuing a girl in another province and boasting about it to me. I'm developing a little animosity toward him. But I'm also afraid to loose the friendship because I still care for him as a person, as a friend... and I'll be truly alone without the friendship... but maybe I'll be better of though? I sent him a txt message before he left for vacation with the girl he met online. I said perhaps it's best for me if he's not in my life anymore. He hasn't contacted me since... no questions, nothing. At first I thought maybe he's still in Paris but he was supposed to be back by now. In the back of my mind I thought "see, if he cared he would've said SOMETHING about my txt" and that maybe I really am better off without him. He's not a bad person and we did have fun together as friends. As stupid as this sounds it's going to be hard to let him go. | 2008-03-22 22:21:42 |
| 843 | 5629 | If there is something inside telling you that maybe you're better off letting him go then maybe you should. I agree that his lack of reply to your text doesn't look too great. If spending time around him is making you feel depressed and unhappy, maybe he is no longer good for you. I have a friend who is constantly treated in this way by a male friend of hers too and she certainly isn't ugly although she imagines she is sometimes. Just because he didn't view you as a girlfriend, doesn't mean he thought you were ugly etc...sometimes, you can meet somebody who is attractive and nice but just not feel that way about them. He might also have liked the chase. The& "Treat em mean to keep em keen" saying didn't come from nowhere. This girls lack of interest in him was probably what fuelled him to carry on trying to win her over. For some blokes, this is what they get off on. Once the girl gives in and gets with them, they often lose interest fairly quickly. It can happen the other way round too. The thought of getting her to fall for him probably helps boost his ego and self-esteem which sounds like it was on the low side. It's not the best way of going about things but it easily becomes addictive. | 2008-03-23 09:32:32 |
| 843 | 5630 | swiftheart,& I am a man so should not be offering advice but,& 1. he is not worthy of you, let him go, time will heal yoir wound; 2.& you are much better than you think you are, certainly much more attractive, I am sure. We are great believers& in a woman arousing herself frequently and nursing the arousal. Not only will it help you cope with this pain, an aroused woman carries an extra attractiveness. Of course, the resulting cums can be intense. Best wishes,& wrad. | 2008-03-23 17:28:23 |
| 843 | 5631 | I appreciate the reponses, thanks. :) I've been so foolish... I allowed myself to be punched in the stomach one too many times and now... in spite of that, I'm still having doubts about what I should do. No, I know what I should do, but in my heart I don't want to. Sometimes I think perhaps he was oblivious to what he was doing to make me feel so awful...but I don't know. I deserve better. It's obvious I should dump the person and move on to better things. I don't want to carry this anymore. If I think back to many situations, I feel disgusted with myself that I just put up with it. No, I won't contact this person. But if he does contact me, it could go either way - resolve things or no. I'm always thinking I'm unworthy of anyone. Perhaps it's about time to think who is worthy of me. | 2008-03-24 03:00:55 |
| 843 | 5632 | Exactly, my dear. There is a good man out there looking for you. Be aware, think well of yourself, be brave. | 2008-03-24 03:48:54 |
| 843 | 5637 | I know how you feel. I feel the same. Having Vaginismus, I feel like no guy will want to stick around with me for very long. I& dread having to tell one about it. | 2008-03-24 11:06:50 |
| 846 | 5645 | I am 30, my dream-man is 34. He used to be a nurse in Ukraine. Now he is with me in Canada. Appeared that he knows about female's anatomy, physiology, and sexuality& much more than me, all my friends, and my family doctor altogether! I think he came to me from heaven, where all girls are happy and all men as charismatic, attentive, strong, insightful, and loyal as he is. Each second with him is infinity. I think about marriage. Before him I didn't like sex, I didn't have many partners, frankly, only a few of them. I was a bit afraid of sex. Now, my life is a& sexual dream and I want it forever. Since we met each other we had no sex for a half of year. I wanted, I offered, we were slipping together, doing everything in bed but intercourse. One happy day he said that it is time. Before him I never had sex without a condom.& We make love 6-8 times a week for almost 3 years. He offered me to have his& sperm inside me for a night once a week. He said& it is healthy for my girl's nature. I trust him. I tried. I don't have painful PMS any more, I feel healthier, calmer, I feel happy, I feel myself like a woman. He said that more than once a week is too much and not healthy for his baby-girl. He told me a lot about hormones, age, and girl's physiology. Does anybody know why it feels so good, and why I& it is not healthy to have it more than once a week? One more thing. He is against me doing oral sex for him. He says that he does respect me and love me& too much not letting& me to take& it in my mouth. Frankly, I am on 100% agree with him. But he loves to do it for me, and I love and enjoy& it. | 2008-03-26 21:23:52 |
| 846 | 5646 | Myhint,& Congratulations. I hope you both share many years together. re his not wanting you to have his sperm inside you more than once each week:& & I am not an expert, only a sex practitioner!, so I am not qualified to comment. re & "He is against me doing oral sex for him. He says that he does respect me and love me& too much not letting& me to take& it in my mouth. Frankly, I am on 100% agree with him. But he loves to do it for me, and I love and enjoy& it." This I can understand, have heard men say similarly on quite a number of occasions over the years.& There are men who very much enjoy being given oral sex by women for whom they have no deep feelings but when they meet the one, & the thought of her doing so demeans her in his eyes and he thinks her too worthy for that. The corrollary is that he could well enjoy going down on you and, since you love it and it arouses you so, have him do it freely, feeling no guilt. I suggest you follow his wishes,& not go down in him, and know that he is honouring you. In years to come, when you have grown even closer together, his love may well allow him to accept the& gift of your mouth. & | 2008-03-27 02:52:39 |
| 847 | 5648 | This is my first post here, so hello hello! I am 19 years old and I have just had my first boyfriend 5 months ago. I lost my virginity after one month of dating and I was happy about it. However I was afraid of getting pregnant because I am now studying at Uni and I do not want a baby to jeopardise my future career. So I started to taking birth pills. I read the instructions and it said that there might be a risk of decrease in sexual desires etc etc. I was worried that it might influence my chances of learning how to orgasm. I am Chinese and was brought up in a rather conservative way. My mum has never given me the sex talk. I didn't know girls/women have a penis-equivalent until recently! Anyway, around 1 month ago, my boyfriend said to me, "I have noticed that you haven't come." My first thought was "Bollocks. Now he knows." And then he continued asking, "Have you mastrubated before?" I answered, "no." Then he suggested me doing so. So I did. But all I got was thighs shaking violently-ish, and sudden urination. Was I not relaxed enough? Or was it a sign of orgasm? Should I just keep on mastrubating till I reach super intense orgasm? Whenever I have sex, I am always nearly there but NOT THERE. I read an article on the-clitoris.com website that birth pills do relate to the chances of getting orgasm. I have heard about the other types of female condoms but I do not wish to use them. Oh what should I do? Should I stop the pill? But I want to reach orgasm, but I don't want to get pregnant...arghhh | 2008-03-27 06:39:58 |
| 847 | 5649 | The pill can have an effect but& I have taken it for some years now for reasons other than contraception and I can have over 20 orgasms in one masturbation session so don't automatically assume it's down to the pill that is causing all your troubles. I think the bigger problem is making too much out of orgasm and forgetting to just enjoy the act for what it is rather than just making orgasm your sole goal. When you start going down that route, anxiety sets in as a result of your fear that you might not have one and worry about what your BF will be thinking and this will make orgasm even more elusive. It's a vicious circle so don't go there. The best way to go is to just experiement with yourself and your BF and be sure to tell him not to "expect" you to orgasm. Just concentrate on enjoying the sensations you do feel and the act itself and orgasm will come naturally on it's own. It won't come when you are trying to "Will", it along in order to impress your BF especially. Also remember that the pill won't protect against sexually transmitted diseases and you need to remember those as much as pregnancy so if your BF has had previous sexual partners, you shouldn't be having unprotected sex with him anyway. Also remember that the pill doesn't always work. I was concieved whilst my mother was on it and I know a number of other women who got pregnant whilst taking the pill and this is even without them missing one& so be very careful. | 2008-03-27 06:52:51 |
| 847 | 5650 | Oh my boyfriend uses a condom everytime. It's just that there might be chances of the condom breaking or slipping out, so I just want to be safer. The question is, though, when do I know I am having an orgasm? Is muscle contraction on my thighs part of the orgasm? Or should one ejaculate to have a 'complete' orgasm? | 2008-03-27 07:10:25 |
| 847 | 5651 | You'll know. You don't have to ejaculate to have a "Full" orgasm. Some women do this, some don't and those that do might not do it everytime. The feeling of going over the edge and the release of tension, muscle contractions and involuntary thrusting of the pelvic region all happen in orgasm& although different women experience orgasm in different ways. Some think way too much into it that they leave themselves wondering if they had one even when they have. It should be pretty obvious. | 2008-03-27 15:27:10 |
| 848 | 5652 | SOMEONE TELL ME THAT WOMEN STOP SQUIRTING AT 40'S I,D TO KNOW IF THAT IS TRUE, CAUSE I LIKE OLDER WOMEN AND I LOVE WHEN A WOMAN SQUIRT ON ME OR IN MY MOUTH | 2008-03-28 09:27:32 |
| 848 | 5654 | Welcome to the discussion forum. Please don't type in all caps, as it is considered shouting, and impolite. I haven't seen anything that would indicate this is true. Some women don't learn how to ejaculate until they are older than 40. Brad | 2008-03-28 21:22:23 |
| 852 | 5656 | ok it isnt easy to tell about and maybe it sounds strange but: i dont know if im a virgin or not! im 25 and had two boyfriends already but penetration was not possible jet...both guys broke up after several tries to have vaginal sex with me..after the 2nd boyfriend left me for this reason i went to my doctor to have a talk about that problem and she said she will try to help me by making a little cut into my hymen(tissue) by a scissor,but i dont really know if it works now and dont want to try it because it is really horrifiing to think that i could fall in love again and could be left because of my hymen..im really getting mad cause i dont know if& i have still my hymen or not,i can insert 2-3 fingers and have "fun" with a dildo which is 11 centimeters in the circumference..i dont know how a broken hymen looks like or how to recognize if its still intact..should i load up some pictures or can i send them to anybody who will tell me the truth?(my doctor doesnt answer to that question if i have still a hymen or not). please help me!!!! | 2008-03-30 14:56:41 |
| 852 | 5657 | Hi, Please see the articles and images linked to below: [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/hymen.htm] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/hymen.htm [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/loc_vag.htm] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/loc_vag.htm [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin1.htm] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin1.htm Since you can insert 3 fingers and a dildo that is 3.5 cm (1.4 inches) across, which about the size of an average erect penis, I don't believe your hymen is the cause. On the other hand, a medical condition called vaginismus is a possibility. [url=www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/] www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/ [url=www.womentc.com/content.php] www.womentc.com/content.php Other women have sent me photos of their vulvas, but unless the area between the inner labia is clearly visible it is hard to know if a hymen is present,& and even then it& is difficult to determine the exact condition of the hymen. Brad Brad | 2008-03-30 16:27:38 |
| 852 | 5659 | honestly these photos cant help me..my "hymen area" looks completely different...i dont want to ask my gyno again ..she thinks its ridiculous i guess.. & | 2008-03-31 06:09:23 |
| 852 | 5660 | Then you need to get a new gynocologist.& If this is about your health and sexual happiness, and it's her job to make sure you're healthy and functioning properly, she darn well better listen to you when you ask things. And again, I have to kind of agree with Brad's way of thinking.& You seem to be really tense about it, very worried.& And when it comes time to "perform," that might be a bit too much pressure to actually have penetration. Also, as a side note, if your boyfriends left you because you had trouble with vaginal sex, they really weren't very good boyfriends.& You should look for someone better, who's willing to stick around and try to help you through things, not just as long as they can make booty calls. | 2008-03-31 08:33:21 |
| 852 | 5663 | Zizi, I can add little to the good advice you have been given above but may we encourage you to think much better of yourself, to relax, arouse yourself frequently durig the day and bring yourself off regularly. Quite probably, with your anxiety, you or a woman,& can give you much more intense& pleasure than can a man. It is important to think sexually as frequently as is possible given your work circumstances. You do not need anybody to tell you that your mind is your greatest sex organ. Use it. You are at a great& age. The next 15 years can be wonderful and the 30 after that even better!, but you must learn about yourself, mind and body. Best wishes.& & | 2008-03-31 21:11:25 |
| 852 | 5664 | I suffer from vaginismus so I know exactly how you feel. It is quite a bit more common than people realise, I think. I'm betting your problem is more to do with that than the hymen to be honest and many doctors and gyns are totally clueless about vaginismus, especially in the US for some reason. I've found them pretty understanding here in the UK. I'd look around for another one...or a psycho-sexual therapist. Because vaginismus is a psychological problem rather than physical, there isn't all that much that gyns can do which is why they are left stumped. I& can give you links to a couple of yahoo groups for women with vaginismus if you want to talk about this with other sufferers also. | 2008-04-01 11:05:50 |
| 852 | 5669 | Just to let everyone know, based on a photo she sent me it appears she has a very thick hymen with a sizable opening in it, but perhaps too small of an opening for an erect penis to enter comfortably. She could insert a dildo but an erect penis may not enter at the appropriate angle, or the friction would be painful. I recommended she have the doctor make some incisions in the hymen, or stretch the opening in the hymen until it was significantly larger than an erect penis, if possible. The tissue may be too thick to stretch. Brad | 2008-04-01 21:59:29 |
| 853 | 5662 | My boyfriend and I have been having sex since February. The first time, there was no pain, except a little around my cervix for about 30 seconds. There was no pain the next time or the next, but the fourth time, when he thrusted really deeply, there was pain every time he did so until near the end (it was around this time that I felt extreme pleasure in exactly the formerly painful place---but that's a different story). Then, today, the pain was so noticeable to me when he went in deep that I had to say something, and he's been extremely, lovingly concerned ever since (he hates that he hurt me). I was wondering about possible causes. My best reason is that we didn't have much time for foreplay beforehand and I was not sufficiently aroused. Now, I'm always pretty turned on---it's just the way I am---but I think it sometimes takes me a while to get enough so as to have sex. The other factor that most likely plays a role is my tenseness when I worry about getting caught (we weren't in the most private place today, and I was always on the alert (but don't judge, we were in a locked room; it's just that other people had keys to the place). Do these ideas seem plausible? Any comments would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much, everyone! : ) | 2008-03-31 21:02:46 |
| 853 | 5665 | It depends on the kind of pain, I would think. If it is a dull pain deep inside, maybe he is just a little long and the tip of the penis is hitting the cervix which can cause pain like this. Positions where you have more control such as you being on top might help here. Also, positions where he can't penetrate so deep might help. If it was to do with the muscles near the entrance of the vagina, the pain would be a more burning/splitting/stretching type& type pain. | 2008-04-01 11:10:26 |
| 853 | 5666 | It was around the cervix. : ) And he is pretty long, but it wasn't a problem before. Maybe he was going deeper than he had previously. I don't know. I still think it might have been that he was like, "Let's have sex," after just a couple minutes of kissing, so even though I was wet, I might not have been relaxed enough. Does that seem possible? | 2008-04-01 14:45:36 |
| 853 | 5667 | Definitely. You can become wet within seconds of becoming excited& but that doesn't mean your vagina has expanded enough for IC. He needs to take a bit more time before IC. Be sure to get this message across to him. There is no bigger no no than a guy who doesn't spend long enough on foreplay where women are concerned. I'm sure from his reaction to your pain when you told him that he'll be willing to extend things a little. Sometimes, you know you're ready because you can get a dull cramp like pain in the vagina as it expands. I get it when I have got the real horn on and doing something thats making it more intense. | 2008-04-01 16:06:31 |
| 853 | 5668 | Thanks! I mentioned it to him, and he says that we officially need at least an hour and a half every time we want to have sex. (Heehee.) He wants to make sure that I enjoy it to its full potential. : ) Again, thanks so much for your help! My boyfriend and I greatly appreciate it. : ) Hope you're having a nice day! | 2008-04-01 17:30:38 |
| 853 | 5671 | Okay, just a followup here : ) : First of all, my boyfriend is going above and beyond in his drive to pleasure me, which is so wonderful, because we both truly enjoy it, as we have every time---he's just making extra sure that I won't be in pain during sex. ; ) Second, we tried a different position today, with me on top, so that I was in control. It was the most amazing sex I'd ever had, and, of course, he loved it too---more so because I wasn't in ANY real pain (just a dull pain once or twice at first---it went away pretty quickly). So yay! I just wanted to relay my success story. Thanks so much to Canis Lupess for her advice! | 2008-04-03 21:38:06 |
| 853 | 5672 | There are many potential causes for the pain you are experiencing. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin2.htm#pain1 www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin3.htm#pain2 A survey on the website looks at what women experience during deep penetration, as far as pain, pleasure, other. www.misterpoll.com/polls/277837/results Brad | 2008-04-04 10:03:20 |
| 853 | 5673 | I'm glad that things are much better for you and also glad to help.:) | 2008-04-04 12:00:34 |
| 853 | 5676 | [user=419]avenuesthroughgreenmountains[/user] wrote: "It was around the cervix. : ) And he is pretty long, but it wasn't a problem before. Maybe he was going deeper than he had previously. I don't know. I still think it might have been that he was like, "Let's have sex," after just a couple minutes of kissing, so even though I was wet, I might not have been relaxed enough. Does that seem possible? " It was around the cervix. : ) And he is pretty long, Yep I know the problem and luckily the cure. I am luckily also very well endowed and I go very deep into a woman. So I noticed that no matter how aroused a woman may be, if I enter her to fast, it will hurt her. The reason is that your inner muscles protect your cervix and they will only relax very shortly before you reach your first orgasm, or at least after you reach your first orgasm.& That's why I have learned to be carefull when I enter a woman. When I reach the point where I feel resistance I don't push further, but stay there untill her muscles relax and let me in. Your boyfriend seems to be concerned about you, so maybe you can talk about this and he can learn to feel this point and just stay there till your muscles are ready to take him in completely. | 2008-04-04 19:36:20 |
| 853 | 5677 | [user=419]avenuesthroughgreenmountains[/user] wrote: "It was around the cervix. : ) And he is pretty long, but it wasn't a problem before. Maybe he was going deeper than he had previously. I don't know. I still think it might have been that he was like, "Let's have sex," after just a couple minutes of kissing, so even though I was wet, I might not have been relaxed enough. Does that seem possible? & " PS. When he waits for your muscles to relax and his head massages your cervix then you will both experience something others will not experience. Obviously, if someone does not have a long enough Penis, they can't massage the cervix. The point is, if it is forced before your body is ready it will put you in pain. If your boyfriend learns to wait, (and from what you say I know he will) you will then experience something special. Have fun! | 2008-04-04 19:41:53 |
| 853 | 5680 | Thank you so much! I'll talk to him about your suggestions, Odlid12. | 2008-04-05 10:05:32 |
| 854 | 5681 | I would like to have& some feedback if there are women who experience that their clit gets less sensitive when having a lot of sex. Me and my boy-friend have frequent sex during the weekends or on vacations (2-3 times/day).& He gets easily aroused and has great feelings every and each time I touch/suck his penis.& He does not feel any change in sensation& when we have sex frequently. I myself feel that the clit gets less sensitive when having sex several times& during the same day.& When I have not seen my boyfriend for a week or so I have great& clitoral sensation and reach orgasm much more easily than& having sex again after 6-8 hours.& It seems to me that my clit needs& a "break" (usually 2-3 days)& to& "regenerate" and build up& great sensitivity again. Do you experience the same? I must also add that I use a strong vibrator when having sex as a need quite a lot of clitoral stimulation to reach the top. & & | 2008-04-06 16:43:30 |
| 854 | 5687 | Fruity,& being male, I have hesitated to reply to your query but here goes. Over the years, we have found& that: 1.& some women, in solo sex, do not allow& themselves sufficient time to come up well and subject& their clits to something of a& 'beating', excuse the awful pun; 2. with a male,& these women are slow to come up, again, & for any number of reasons and allow the man to concentrate on the clit. too early; We have come to believe that such women should prepare for sex some hours before by bringing themselves to arousal and nursing the arousal. Of course, the arrival of the man is dampening for some women, arousal-increasing for others, but nursing the arousal will assist the former, too. 3.& I am not sure that Brad has not told us& his research shows that toys do not dampen the clit response over time. I hope he has not because our experience has us believing& it does if, and it is an important if, the women are pre-menopausal by some years, say 12. Many women in their forties come to look at sex with much more freedom and& a determination to ensure their experiences are intensely pleasurable for them.& Brad and his records are the authority and I would back him against us, if we differ. & & | 2008-04-11 00:16:06 |
| 854 | 5736 | I am male.& Some (middle-aged and older) women with whom I have had sex tell me that using a vibrator regularly has resulted in their taking longer to orgasm from clitoral stimulation. & If you are young, you might want to ask your boyfriend to spend more time on oral sex and see if you can come that way.& He may need to exercise his tongue and facial muscles to enable him to give you oral for extended periods of time (15 minutes +). & Try using the vibrator as little possible.& See how far he can bring you and use the vibrator, if necessary,& as you are approaching orgasm. | 2008-05-03 14:34:11 |
| 854 | 5737 | I believe the women's experiences you mention are the result of increasing age, not the use of a vibrator. Everyone is quick to blame vibrators for sexual difficulties when there is no proof one way or the other. If they were the cause, and given they are commonly used today by women, by 60% according to a survey on the website, there would be even greater sexual impairment than there is. Brad | 2008-05-03 15:37:03 |
| 854 | 5828 | Well I think it is perfectly fine not to be as excited once you've already had sex one or two times before on the same day. I personally find that when I use a vibrator, yes my clit becomes afterwards slightly less sensitive but it's a transient thing.& I think the strong vibrations make it too swollen and unpleasant to touch.& I've also learned that I was using the vibrator too agressively and now, when I do use it, I try not to have it too direct on my clit and I use a panty to make it less direct.& I started out with a vibrator but now I prefer my hands because of all the irritation. I personally think that it is not only the clit that needs to regenerate but also the mind.& Once I've had sex, I need to miss it a bit to desire it again. | 2008-06-06 07:16:40 |
| 855 | 5686 | Well it's always been common knowledge that guys love female models (hehe especially me). I don't mean the explicit kind, I mean the artistic sensual nude modeling. I'm sure most of you came across it some day or another on the internet. Anyway, let me start by saying that the female body is captivating to me, especially the eyes and the hips. I dunno, it drives me crazy. It's beyond sexy and just hot, it's majestic. I want to know if women find some physical aspects about men that they are also captivated by? And that includes nude modeling too. Society represses these types of emotions, urging men to show it and pressuring women not to. I think it should be a different and more reciprocal. To all the women here, do you all find anything about the male physically beautiful and that essentially looks captivating, majestic, and sexy? | 2008-04-10 21:29:22 |
| 855 | 5698 | In general, I'm not turned on by male models, and not by movie stars or singers either, because I need to feel something for the guy to find him sexually attractive. Which means I have to know the man personally. But if I do, a will call him "beautiful", and I can stare at a picture of him for hours. I will find all body parts of him attractive, but what captures me most are the hands. Beautiful, strong male hands are very sexy for me and a big turn on. | 2008-04-15 10:46:21 |
| 858 | 5704 | As you all know, after a few years that good old sex life turns a tad stale so we a few months ago we decided to turn things around and add some spice. We created a list of dares, things to do and new things to try (purely in a couple relationship, no swinging and activities involving other people or couples)..... Our list of fun things goes like this; Be strangers and meet at a bar, but act like you don't know each other (fun, as I was chatted up by a few guys before my husband finally got the opportunity to talk to me - all those faces when we started kissing and left together - lol). Go to a quiet beach and go nude (love this one). Prepare a dinner date at home and make some food that you can eat with your hands. When you eat each morsel, lick it all around first, then suck it; show him/her what you will be doing to her body later on that evening. (great fun and laughter after a few glasses of wine). Going out for dinner, the drive home is made all the more interesting as we have removed all our clothes, this continues as we also have to enter the house in the same condition (hope like hell that there are no road blocks). Go out for dinner with no underwear (old but interesting when mated with the above). When out at night, take a camera into the toilet (cubicle) and self photograph your self (naked), then show your spouse the pics when you get back to the table (he always loves it). Watch naughty DVD'S together (some people like this some do not, but it works for us). And that is pretty much it, this is where our imagination has left us, any other suggestions out there would be greatly appreciated. Please add some of your own (from a girl and guy point of view) Cheers. | 2008-04-17 04:04:05 |
| 858 | 5707 | Hi, What you mention is called role playing.& Basically, you can take any fantasy or story you both find acceptable and arousing, hopefully mutually, and act it out. You can use you own fantasies, or choose from erotica on the internet. The challenge lies in feeling comfortable enough in your relationship to share your fantasies and what sexually arouses you. Here is something to help you and others get started: love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,traceycox_85h53lgt,00.html love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/topics/0,,4tgw,00.html Brad | 2008-04-17 21:59:51 |
| 862 | 5717 | Hello guys! If you like, please share you experience about what really turns you on or fascinates you the most when having sex with a women, e.g. sexual techniques, smell, sexy lingerie, her sexual behavior, parts of her body, how she looks at you, smile, ... whatever! :) Looking forward to your answers! & & | 2008-04-29 16:21:04 |
| 862 | 5718 | Fruity, A very good question and& one difficult to answer because the answers are& so many! For me, if it is my wife, love for her, gratitude, the familiarity and the way she knows how to, and when to, clench all are what bring me off up her. If it is another woman, how she has been moving, speaking, her gestures, her breasts and, now in bed, her mound, how it feels as I push up. Hope this helps.& | 2008-04-29 17:39:49 |
| 862 | 5719 | For me its when my wife is laying there with her nice mound of pubic hair and then we get going.& All the love I have for her and knowing what she likes after all these years and watching her body react just gets me fired up and makes the whole time we're intimate wonderful. | 2008-04-29 20:52:13 |
| 862 | 5721 | I think it is the sight of woman, especially her face, appearance& and body shape,& that fascinates man most. When a man is having sex with a woman, due to& his position, he maybe& can't see the sight that he likes to see. Imagination of some erotic vision& is& often the case& in this situation. Or the man needs to suggest and reinforce himself the notion of "I'm having sex right now".& & The woman alone & is sufficient to turn him on, but not sufficient to keep him being on. | 2008-04-30 05:11:49 |
| 862 | 5735 | I am a senior and& am fascinated by the variety in women's breasts, areolas, nipples, and sex organs.& Experiencing a new woman for me is like a botanist exploring a new field of wildflowers;& I& want to discover not only the uniqueness of the lady's body but also what brings her to orgasm. & Fortunately, I have a variety of sex partners and am able to continue my exploration. ;) | 2008-05-03 14:18:09 |
| 862 | 5747 | What turns me on most when having sex with a woman is the fact that we are having sex. It is a sensational feeling when your partner is showing her love to you by foreplay and kissing. It becomes erotic when 'smooth talk' exchanges happen and the smell, I can't describe it. The final 'burst' is when she is driven to orgasm and fluid is 'pumped' out around your penis. All those things combined with the temperature of her hot vagina surrounding your rigid penis is enough to make you want to ejaculate, I only occupy my mind with other thoughts to prolong the amzing feeling. | 2008-05-10 06:06:25 |
| 862 | 5749 | Thanks for this beautyful and sexy answer! I liked it very much. Fruity :-) & | 2008-05-10 14:20:58 |
| 862 | 5752 | I love the smell and texture of a woman's body.& The smell of her skin as well as the more obvious vaginal secretions is great!& As a girl gets excited and the skin on her buttocks forms dimples...that's great.& As someone else said, the whole idea that you're having sex (while you're having sex) is great. The best for me is the sound a woman makes as she starts getting turned on...& how her vocals progress with increasing arousal.& (I don't mean the overdramatised noise the pornstars make!)& A woman orgasming in my arms is very often enough to send me over the edge & send me there too!:) | 2008-05-19 16:39:58 |
| 862 | 5753 | Thanks for this wonderful answer! :) | 2008-05-20 15:17:23 |
| 862 | 5764 | I am turned on by her enthusiasm. The common thinking (and with some truth to it) that men are the pursuers and women are the keepers of the key (so to speak) leaves us (men) thinking that women do not want or enjoy sex as much as we do. So to be intimate with a woman who desires, who wants, who is passionate, who is enthusiastic, about sex is very exciting and reassuring and makes for a wonderful and fulfilling experience. | 2008-05-24 01:20:47 |
| 862 | 5766 | I understand very much what you are saying and hope that more and more women are becoming enthusiatic about sex! I believe there is still a barrier for many women to be sexual and often culture and society makes it difficult. I also believe that differencies in sexuality between men and women may have lead to that some women have "given up" their needs and just have sex to please the men. They give up to "demand" that their wishes get fulfilled. Thus, as these women not fully enjoy sex, they are not motivated and enthusiatic about sex. If women may read my reply, please comment what you think! & | 2008-05-24 11:36:33 |
| 862 | 5827 | I definetly second the enthusiasm. Since sex is about having a good time (at least, the way I see it!), a playful, open-minded, curious and enthusiastic partner beats anyone ;). I want her to have sex for her own satisfaction. That way, I'm sure she's doing it because she likes to do it, and not because she feels she should be doing it. And usually, pleasing the partner is a part of the satisfaction, so both partners are winners. I would also add that I have absolutely no problem with a girl that would tell me "I don't want to do <Insert sexual related act> because I don't like it", but I'm extremely bugged by one who would say "I don't want to do <Insert sexual related act> because it's bad" (or it's not normal, or empty/generic/socially imprinted reasons like that). | 2008-06-06 07:08:13 |
| 862 | 5833 | Like others stated, it is mostly the participation.& Now surprising your man with some lingerie can do it for some too :P.& That shows premeditation and planning which can mean a lot to a man too. I'm considered a bit kinky, but I'll say it anways. :D& This may not apply to all men, but I absolutely love when my partner touches themself during intercourse.& To me it just displays their comfort in what we are doing.& I LOVES IT! | 2008-06-06 12:37:23 |
| 862 | 6132 | Her arousal. Her juices. Her moans. Her multiple body / valley orgasms. But if she has none of that, and I am being teased, light soft slow finger tips all around my genitals. Then the sensitive area at the front of my penis on about 1cm down from the glans (knob). | 2008-09-29 10:48:28 |
| 862 | 6166 | I am new in this discussion, I am here to get a good knowledge from other people fron their experience, i am 34 years married male from India. well i do not know but i get really excited when i fine that a woman never wears underwear/panties. i lik women with big breasts and ass. (hope my reply is not offensive) | 2008-10-13 03:01:25 |
| 862 | 6176 | It's really a turn on when she takes a little control instead of me doing it.& I also love the smell and taste of her and when she moans while I am eating her out.& That's really gets me going. | 2008-10-18 18:52:25 |
| 862 | 6178 | I find that my biggest turn on comes from the woman enjoying herself as much as I am enjoying myself while we are making love. I cannot even maintain an erection if she isn't fully into it. Another big turn on is knowing that we are simply using sex to express our love for one another in a physical manner, no strings attached sex does not work well for me. Her moans, her responses to my movements and her orgasm are all it takes to send me over the edge myself. | 2008-10-21 16:43:32 |
| 862 | 6966 | It's mostly images for me - seeing a woman's open mouth when her head is thrown back in ecstasy...I'm a sucker for stockings of any color, lingerie, garter belts, white gym socks (for some reason)...if a woman gives the impression that something is happening that she's never experienced before with someone else...also, a girlfriend once had the habit of asking, as I was reaching a climax, if I would climax for her, which must have tapped into some hidden desire I have to be told what to do to give someone pleasure, because I really enjoyed that idea. Especially when a woman's asking you to do something for her that is so pleasurable to you as well. Sounds: soft moans, occasional dirty talk - I've noticed that some "nice" girls feel like a guy will think less of them if they really get into it. In actuality, knowing that you've made a "nice" girl let down some of her inhibitions is a major turn-on. | 2010-01-02 05:26:07 |
| 863 | 5722 | i verey recently came across the term AFE ZONE. do anyone has an idea about it? plz give all the information which you might have. thanx. | 2008-04-30 05:39:31 |
| 863 | 5725 | nicenimu, the AFE Zone is a roughness on the back wall of the vagina, as against the G-Spot being on the front wall. Stimulation is extremely pleasurable for many women.& & As with locating the Spot, you should arouse yourself highly before searching, when the Zone will be more easily located.& Again, for many women, caressing the lubed anus before searching helps, too. Hope this helps. | 2008-05-01 01:40:44 |
| 863 | 5729 | thnx a lot. will giv it a try. | 2008-05-02 00:51:55 |
| 866 | 5738 | I'm 17 and I have a crush on my female gynecologist. I fantasise and have sexual dreams about her a lot. Last time I had a check up with her, I felt a little sexually aroused just by her looking at me down there. Can she tell?? | 2008-05-03 19:44:34 |
| 866 | 5739 | Hi , well, what you're feeling is not bad, and she being a trained Gyno can see the sexual arousal in your vulva; remember that when we get aroused the nipples get hard, the labia get kind of engorged and redish because of the extra blood flowing, the clit hardens, and we start lubricating (besides some other subtle clues. What I feel is risky is making a pass at her without knowing for sure she is bi or les You can ask her if feeling aroused at the sight of other females is wrong and start the conversation there. Good luck Luisa | 2008-05-04 15:38:02 |
| 866 | 5743 | myribbonisblue, I have not responded earlier because I do not know if you wish& a man's opinion& but I agree with luisa in that your having& a crush on the woman and being aroused as she examines you is not bad but quite normal. It is being recognised in our Western culture, at long last, that women are highly sexual people, every bit as much as men, and your showing is to be applauded. During the 18th C, in Western Europe, women felt much freer than they did during the 20th C. luisa is correct too, I believe, in advising you not to make a pass at your doctor. As a professional, the doctor will have seen aroused women under her hands many times but her ethics will prevent her acting. Please do not feel badly about your arousals. Rather,& take pleasure in them, nurse them, but act and speak prudently.& Yours is a wonderful age. Good luck. | 2008-05-08 20:02:19 |
| 866 | 5744 | This video clip kind of sums it up. [img]/sexforum/images/emoticons/16.gif[/img] www.youtube.com/watch?v=bahArCVeNjE Brad | 2008-05-08 22:50:44 |
| 867 | 5745 | Dear female readers! Please share your experience if you have tried any substance to increase genital sensation. What& change in sensations did you get, where did you buy the products, any products you can recommend? I exercise a lot and I'm in good shape, so that's not an "issue". :-) Many thanks for your responses! & & | 2008-05-09 13:34:13 |
| 867 | 5771 | Gosh...I was really looking forward to reading a bunch of replys to this question, as I too have been doing my own personal research & finding no such product that added any more zip! or zing! to my cliteral & genital area than my ol' standby "peppermint oil". A friend had told me several years ago about a blip she had read about in some erotica. About a Woman using a dab of toothpaste on her clit for added stimulation. Well I ran home & straight for my Ultrabright & vibrator. And "hell yes" there was a lot of added sensation. A mixture of a mild pleasurable heat feeling & a more than mild tinglies. Having added this to my routine, I soon begain to wonder if the abrasive qualities & other ingredients in the toothpaste could be harmful. I then changed to pure peppermint oil. *I CAUTION HERE* I used the teeniest, tinniest amount of the pure oil at first. It is very strong in it's pure form & can burn like hell. And once you have applyed too much, difficult if not imposible to wash off. The intensity will ware off tho. But what an uncomfortable wait it is! Take my word for it! : ( So less is definatly more when useing this product. You can also make a wonderful smelling & tasting clit lube by adding a few drops at a time in 1/4 cup melted coconut oil & testing it on yourself. This coconut oil comes solid & melts easily with body tempature. I keep mine in a pretty lil' jar by my toys. I haven't done the research as to how this lube would feel on my partners penis or on a penis inserted in me. As my exploration has been more of a solo mission with this peppermint oil on my own genitals. I would say, use some common sence. Do not apply this oil liberally anywhere. Espescially not on sensitve genital tissues, male or female. I have tried all the over the counter products of this type. I was agravated at the high cost, the tiny amount of product the containers had in them. The containers that did not really lend themselves to being reclosed. The scents not pleasent to downright icky. All taste bad so a chance for further oral during playtime...not happnin! And the sensations...This gal, just not feelin it! I also add several drops of peppermint oil to all my lip gloss tubes. I like the flavor & the tingles on my lips. And my Boyfriend likes my minty, tasty kisses. : ) | 2008-05-26 10:51:48 |
| 867 | 5816 | L-arginine does work, with a big BUT! ;) I'm a weight lifter, so I take it because of how it helps there.& It does also increase sensation, at least for a male.& It also increases blood flow which is one of the reasons weight lifters take it. Okay, here comes the "but".& It works, BUT you must take it on an empty stomach and take it as directed which is usually mulitple times per day...EVERY day.& Taking it with a meal completely wipes out it's potential.& It will not help to take a dose one time before it's intended purpose.& It works off of saturation and you must take it like I mentioned for your body to be saturated. Hope that helps some even though I'm a man in a female section :-D | 2008-06-04 13:52:35 |
| 868 | 5754 | Hello, I guess the best way to start this is to tell a little about me and what is leading to the question. I am 14yo and have a 16yo sister and consider us both attractive. We both have boyfriends and both are virgins. We both are straight A students. We come from a fairly well to do family and live somewhat in a remote area with lots of land so we never had that many friends or neighbors. Because of this, my sister and mine relationship is like best of friends, we are very close. From the time we were little, we've kind of explored. We started out with the game of "doctor". We looked at each other and stuck small things in ourselfs. Slowly things faded out but from those days I masturbated. Sometime when I was like 12 years old she asked if I wanted to play "woo-woo". She explained it was like are game of "doctor". I was learning sex ed in school and my sister had developed guite well and I was curious, so I quickly agree. We did some minor touching of the butt and boobs, but again was mainly looking. After a couple times, she started quizing me about masturbation. After confessing and opening up, she told me different ways which I would later learn came from this website. Our next time was much more open, she turned me on to 2 websites, one with lots of stories and one with all kinds of pictures from real ones, to porn, to lez, to bondage, to about any form of sex and always updated. Soon we were naked and looking at pictures. That night we took turns watching each other masturbate. This would become the norm for our game of "woo-woo". Our dad has to travel with work and now that we are older, mom travels with him. Our game last longer and on some weekends when they are gone we spend almost all weekend naked or just about. Our game of "woo-woo" is getting more involved. We play model and take pictures of each other stripping and stuff. We have used stuff like candles and small brush handles when we masturbate for the other. The other night she asked to bathe me. We went to our parent big walk in shower and she bathed all of me with her hands. She spent a lot of time on my bottom and boobs and for the first time bathed my private area. It was the first time either of us had touched the other there. She didn't asked if I wanted to bathe her, but turned the shower off and dried me off. We went to her room and she said she wanted to cover me in body lotion and massage me. I laid on my belly and she did my back and legs first and spent lots of time with my butt. When I turned over she worked my boobs first and then my legs. When she got to my private parts it became much more involved. She explored inside me and rubbed my clitoris till I had an orgasm. When she was done, she said mom and dad would be home soon and we better quit. Nothing has happened since that night but I want to do the same for her. My question is, Is this normal or are we going to far and should I& start bringing this to an end? Also, I still think about boys alot, but enjoy my games with my sister. Will this cause me to like girls instead of boys, because I really want to marry and have a family. Thanks for any advice. | 2008-05-21 15:06:14 |
| 868 | 5755 | Hi Branch look for a private message | 2008-05-21 17:10:19 |
| 868 | 5757 | While I suspect the authenticity of this post, I will answer. Two teenagers exploring their sexuality together is normal. But what you are doing as sisters is called incest. And incest is not normal. It is actually illegal. And two years from now, when your sister is 18 and you are 16, and assuming you two are still exploring sexually, then an adult would be molesting a minor. That is also illegal. I would try your best to stick to masturbating on your own. You and your sister should have completely separate sex lives. | 2008-05-21 20:19:12 |
| 868 | 5759 | According to a survey on this website, 4 percent of teens/women report they have engaged in some form of sexual activity with a female sibling. That is 1 out of 25 teens/women. One of my reference book states the percentage is 0.7, based on a survey published in 1974. The percentage may depend on what the participants in the survey consider "sex" and what is otherwise simply child's play. As a young child I witnessed siblings engaged in show and tell, involving at least one set of sisters. So I don't believe it is all that uncommon, at least prior to puberty and adolescence. To me it sounds like innocent sexual exploration and experimentation. If you live in a rural area you may not have access to others to go through the process of sexual development with, though you both likely experience sexual desire. Is it consensual and beneficial? There could be very negative consequences if your family, friends, and classmates should find out, and you could find yourself totally alienated as a result. While legal proceedings are a possibility, given your close ages little would likely come of it, but it would likely still wreck havoc on your lives and family. It is very unlikely the law enforcement personnel and prosecutors would have a good understanding of "normal" sexuality. I don't know if sex between sisters counts as "incest," as historically incest focused on penile/vaginal intercourse. The laws vary from one locale to the next. It may fall under "sex abuse," rather than incest. While many may get bent out of shape with the scenario presented above, they would be ok with these sisters having male sexual partners and risking pregnancy.& The same applies to if it was two unrelated females, or "underage girls" using sex toys. Society has an extremely hard time acknowledging and accepting female sexuality and desire, and as a result teens have little in the way of constructive guidance and opportunity.& Ignoring female and adolescent sexuality doesn't simply make them go away. My 2 cents worth. Brad & | 2008-05-22 09:45:32 |
| 869 | 5756 | I often hear about how men want women who know what they're doing in bed, rather than someone inexperienced and new to it. I was wondering what counts as "experienced" to people. How many sexual acts do you have to do and with how many people to be counted as experienced? It seems like no matter what I do, I don't feel experienced and I'd really like to. | 2008-05-21 20:13:35 |
| 869 | 5758 | I have to wonder if what men really want is an easier time in bed, which they believe is more likely to occur if she is "experienced."& They want sex to be like it is in the movies, to execute like clockwork. They don't want to have to ask questions and learn new things, just do it, and everything ends up being great in the end. They don't want their own inexperience and awkwardness to show through, and if it does, it is easier to blame her than themselves, and generally speaking women are very willing to accept the blame. Unfortunately, experience can be detrimental to women, if the "experience" means she has a number of past sexual partners, and this becomes common knowledge. What women should want is confidence in bed, which comes with learning and experience with a single partner, or even practicing alone. Watch a video on fellatio and then practice with a dildo, or the like. Get a dildo with a suction cup base and practice being on top, perhaps after watching a video show the same.& Practice talking, vocalizing, giving directions and encouragement& during these activities. As they say in sports, practice makes perfect, and increases your confidence. If you want to see what "real sex" is like, hunt down some of those "celebrity" sex videos that were never meant to see the light of day. Then you can see that real sex isn't like it is shown in the movies, mainstream or porn. Regardless of what you think of the celebrity, look at how these "famous people" have sex. Sometimes you have to watch between the lines and consider whether these women are having fun, experiencing pleasure and orgasms, or simply going through the motions of sex. Just because they are famous or infamous doesn't mean they have good sexual skills, or their partner has a clue about fulfilling their needs. Here is a link to a list of celebrities having sex videos: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrity_sex_tape The actresses I have seen: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Severina_Vu%C4%8Dkovi%C4%87 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keeley_Hazell en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_Hilton Brad | 2008-05-22 09:14:57 |
| 869 | 5805 | As is the case so frequently, I agree with Brad, especially in his first paragraph. I am surprised though, ironbutterfly26, that you 'often' hear that men want& women experienced in sex. We have dealt with women always so are not expert with men but our male friends all have shown their preference for 'teaching' women. Probably, I have written before, here, of the need to teach& young men how to pleasure a woman.& How it could be done is, of course, the stumbling block but, were it done successfully, thousands upon thousands of women in our culture would have& much& happier lives. Women can& be intensely sexual creatures. formed by Nature to be so but, unfortunately, are denied frequently.& & It is not for me to suggest but, if I may, perhaps you should change your men! | 2008-06-01 03:54:48 |
| 869 | 5807 | Usually I hear that men want experienced women in the context of discussions on virginity and waiting for marriage and such. The implication seems to be that if a woman hasn't done everything and been with everyone, she's a blushing virgin who's never experienced sexual desire and never looked at her genitals. I'm not either of these women so I don't know where I belong. I agree that men should be taught things but it goes both ways. When I was first becoming sexually active with another person, I was very bad at giving handjobs. My boyfriend had to show me how. He was very nice about it but I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't know how to do this thing and I think that's when I started to want to be more experienced. | 2008-06-01 19:58:52 |
| 869 | 5810 | Men tend to be hypocritical, or at least poor communicators about what they want, because they generally say that they want a woman who is "experienced", i.e. can please them in bed, but once you start talking about how many partners a woman has had, there is no acceptable number of former partners except 0.& Experienced is relative anyway.& You could say person A has had 10 partners while person B has had only one, and that makes person A seem more experienced.& But if A's 10 partners were all one night stands in bars, and B's single partner was a 3 year relationship with sex three times a week, person B is suddenly more experienced, but in a different way. And not all men want experienced women.& Religious men don't want anything but virgins for example.& Rather than simply trying to feel experienced, spend some time pondering what you look for in a partner and what that partner is probably looking for in you then try to achieve that particular kind of experience or lack of experience. For example, a guy into BDSM isn't going to care about a college girl who has banged all the frat boys when she was drunk.& That kind of experience isn't relevant.& Other guys want a certain mindset. You don't have to be "experienced" to know what you're doing either.& A big part of this is your confidence.& I think what a lot of guys mean when they say they want an experienced woman is that they want a woman who doesn't have a lot of sexual hang ups, who isn't going to be shy in bed.& You may be inexperienced, but if you are eager to learn and go out on a limb to try new things, that goes a long way. The reason guys want this and/or experience is because they are socially expected to be the aggressor and to know how to please a woman like its second nature.& We feel pressured to always make the first move and know exactly what you're thinking.& This is the same reason why you always hear guys saying they wish women would approach them for once, because we aren't any more or less experienced or knowledgable than women when it comes to romance and sex.& If you are confident, but not aggressive in a way that seems impatient or dismissive, it will make a huge difference. | 2008-06-03 01:56:40 |
| 869 | 5812 | I know that not all men want experienced women, but the ones who really want virgins seem to mostly be very religious and think all extramarital sexual activity is bad. I'm not religious and have had sex outside of marriage so I don't think& we'd get along. In contrast, saying you wouldn't have sex with a virgin (which I've heard plenty of people say) is seen as liberated and& being in touch with your sexuality. And if men want someone without sexual hang-ups, why don't they just say that? If I'm not experienced, how can I be expected to be confident? Why would I be? How am I just supposed to automatically know what I do and don't like? I think the good girl/bad girl division is still very prevalent today. Both sides have their supporters, but I don't fit into either mold well. What does that make me? | 2008-06-03 17:05:34 |
| 869 | 5814 | You can be inexperienced and confident by being open minded and adventurous and not taking yourself too seriously.& Be comfortable with the fact that when you try things for the first time, they might be awkward, but it's ok to be awkward. With your handjob example... it's ok that you didn't know what you were doing.& & The difference is in the mindset.& If the topic had come up, and your boyfriend says he'd like a handjob, you can approach it two ways.& Either way you're inexperienced.& From my perspective the inexperience is not the issue.& The difference is, when the issue is brought up, how you react to it.& You can react negatively by acting timid and afraid, which makes the guy feel like you aren't interested, or you can be eager to learn, which is positive. One way to get around this, assuming you are in a relationship with the guy, is to discuss your feelings before hand and to establish some trust.& If you let him know you're not experienced but you're eager to learn, and he is willing to teach you and not be judgemental, that relieves your nerves (in theory).& & You sound like you need encouragement.& It's not just a matter of whether he will show you how.& You need to establish how you feel about each other's sexual needs before hand so you have an understanding. There are more than just good girls and bad girls, after all.& Everything has shades of grey.& You need to figure out what you want and find someone who can give it to you. | 2008-06-04 00:57:12 |
| 869 | 5822 | Speaking for myself (and maybe for other men), I can tell you that the only thing I want from a partner is for her to be curious, to have fun with sex and to be open minded. In this context, experience is only additionnal icing, but is in no way a necessity because if she is interested and curious about sex, and if she's having fun, there will be enough room for the sex to grow. In other words, I would rather be with a girl who never even had a partner but is enthusiatic about sex than being with someone who had sex in every possible way in the last 10 years without being interested or having fun doing it. | 2008-06-05 09:36:43 |
| 869 | 5825 | Thank you so much for your encouragement. You make it all seem so much less black and white than I previously felt it was. It's not so much that I was worried about coming off as inexperienced to my partner (he's very kind and we were each other's firsts in everything) as I just felt like I wasn't living up to some general standard of womanhood. | 2008-06-05 21:08:09 |
| 869 | 5830 | What men want or at least what this man wants is ENTHUSIASM and a willingness to TRY NEW THINGS. It isn't the experience - its the passion. | 2008-06-06 07:44:58 |
| 869 | 5832 | I agree with a lot of what's been said.& I myself think what they really mean (if they ever say it) is a partner that is confident and does things without being asked.& It's not at all necessarily exclusive to a lot of experience, but rather confidence imho. | 2008-06-06 12:31:22 |
| 873 | 5780 | I'm a girl and I'm 15. I really would like to have a boyfriend but I think my body is weird. I would be really embarased if& a boy& would see my vagina. My vagina lips are really long and are really brown and my clit sticks way out. It is almost as big as my thumb. My older sister showed me how to masturbate when I was 7 or 8 and my clit has been getting bigger. I think my cilt is so big because I mastrubate 2 or 3 times a day. My sister thinks I'm silly and says my clit and lips are real sexy. Her vagina does not look like mine and my sister that's 11 does not look like me. I really like masturbating and having sex with my sisters and I have really great orgasms but I would really like to have a boyfriend. Theala | 2008-05-27 13:29:26 |
| 873 | 5781 | Dear Tea...I understand your concerns about how you look, I think we all went thru that "uglyness" feeling whne we were teens, I'm much older than you and have seen many vulvas and clits and for your peace oof mind I haven't seen 2 alike, you are blessed that& you have a clit bigger than your sister(that means that your is more sensitive perhaps)also big vaginal lips could be an advantage to you in case you want to use an earring (?). Don't see it& as a curse having your vulva different; the important& part is that you have normal sensations and reach orgasm easyly. & Donot worry about a boyfriend yet, you stillyoung and willhave the chance to pick a boy you really want; remember that boys still quite ignorant about sex during puberty and you may find it unfullfillling. Good luck if you want towrite check my address in the members section & love luisa wrote: [indent] Female Sexuality > Masturbation & big clitoris From: Teahla Date: 2008-05-27 13:29:26 Reply: www.the-clitoris.com/sexforum/reply.php?topic_id=873 I'm a girl and I'm 15. I really would like to have a boyfriend but I think my body is weird. I would be really embarased if a boy would see my vagina. My vagina lips are really long and are really brown and my clit sticks way out. It is almost as big as my thumb. My older sister showed me how to masturbate when I was 7 or 8 and my clit has been getting bigger. I think my cilt is so big because I mastrubate 2 or 3 times a day. My sister thinks I'm silly and says my clit and lips are real sexy. Her vagina does not look like mine and my sister that's 11 does not look like me. I really like masturbating and having sex with my sisters and I have really great orgasms but I would really like to have a boyfriend. [/indent] | 2008-05-27 16:44:53 |
| 873 | 5782 | Teahla, This is a female question and you may not want a man coming in but I wish to assure you that boys and men are very rarely put off by the appearance of a vulva. Males are not good with detail, they see the whole. As luisa has written,& there& is no& need to rush into having a special boyfriend. Have& many friends who are boys. You are doing the right thing by masturbating frequently.& | 2008-05-27 18:42:34 |
| 873 | 5789 | As a middle aged guy I feel a bit odd about responding to a post by a 15 year old girl.& But here goes.... Women's bodies are delightfully different.& Big breasts, small breasts, lopsided breasts, breasts with moles, puffy nipples, nipples in different positions, etc.& They are all wonderful.& The same is true for vaginas.& & The lips, the clitoris, and shape of the mons - all different and all wonderful.& The clitoris isn't supposed to be all neat and small - it is supposed to be as different as the women who possess them. Please please set your mind at ease about this.& Your partners will be lucky to be with you and will be happier with a woman who likes or loves her body and is comfortable with it.& If you are so self conscious this will be the problem, not the size of your clit.& | 2008-05-29 06:49:47 |
| 874 | 5783 | Well, I am determined to be able to have orgasms whenever wherever and as fast as I want. Three years ago I had my first orgasm via a vibrator, soon afterwards I learned to come by hand and then integrated that into sex.& It took a while for me to come but I would eventually.& & At the end of last year, I had a sudden bout of confidence, I was coming quicker during sex by stimulating my clit, and on more than a few occasions I was coming from intercourse only (which was incredibly fun because that freed my hands).& Every good sex just fueled the next! Unfortuneatly, after several crappy sex episodes , the new found confidence quickly dwindled easily and I am scared I'm slipping into "will she orgasm?" issue a lot of women have. I want to be so confident about this that I know it is not a hit or miss thing anymore.& My aim is I will become so good at giving myself pleasure, it'll be second nature. I'm starting to work on my masturbation and I guess I'm looking for tips from the more experienced people here:& my biggest hurdle is not physical, it is mental.& & I wish I could literally rip thoughts like "am i taking too long?" out of my head.& This has nothing by the way to do with my partners... Any actual tricks or personal tips on how to relax, let go and just focus on the pleasure?& Anyone went through this?& "Just relax and let go" is so much easier said than done. | 2008-05-28 10:51:28 |
| 874 | 5784 | Hi dear..congrats on finding how to orgasm faster..I think many women have gone thru the same frustration including myself; I only have a short advicce : when you feel relaxed and willing to have a sex session don't think on having an orgasm, just focus on exploring and the arousal of every inch of your body, the orgasm will come& naturally. Take your time is your body that you are pleasing.@};-& :-X& luisa | 2008-05-28 12:26:32 |
| 874 | 5785 | Even better, instead of trying to have an orgasm quicker, try to put it off as long as possible whilst you "Warm", yourself up. Even when you feel yourself coming close to the edge, stop the stimulation causing it and go to something lower key for a while and then go back and keep doing this for a while and just enjoy it. The build up is just as good as the orgasm itself after all and it makes your session last longer. Also, if you do this, when you do have an orgasm, man will it be explosive because of all that tension that built up. If you try to have them as fast as possible, they aren't going to be as good. Doing this will teach you how to take your time in these things rather than being in a rush. After all, blokes coming too quickly& is generally seen as undesirable so why the rush for women? | 2008-05-28 16:52:05 |
| 874 | 5809 | Sounds more like a general confidence issue to me.& The trick, I suppose, is being comfortable with yourself out of bed (or wherever).& If your confidence is inhibiting orgasm it suggests some issues in the way you think about sex or masturbation.& In the midst of either act is not the place to tackle confidence issues because it puts too much stress on you to open up your mind.& Do your "soul searching" at other times and deeply explore how you feel about sex to find if you are confilicted about anything, and if you are tackle it emotionally and intellectually before trying to deal with it physically. | 2008-06-03 01:41:26 |
| 874 | 5826 | Thanks guys for the replies!& I know I have some confidence issues but they're generally not about my physical appearance.& I love sex and desire it a lot.& My problem is two fold, one during sex and the other during masturbation: & I was raised in an atmosphere (and society) that is quite patriarchal, and though sex is not seen as sin and women's desire is more or less accepted, the general attitude is that men desire it a lot more often, have less control over their desire so it is women's duty to satisfy them.& All in all, men are aggressive, and women highly value their attractiveness to keep the men from "straying". I KNOW that is simply not true.& I've succeeded in stepping out of that atmosphere. For anyone who ever tried to go against what they were raised to, it is very difficult yet doable.& While consciously I accept that I'm not obligated to please the man, once I'm in bed with a partner, sometimes I slip into this state of mind that I'm not "performing" well.& In the midst of it all, it is very hard to step out of it.& I reason with myself, tell myself to relax, let go.... sometimes it works but more often than not it does not :(& I need to find a way to ingrain that in my head. As to masturbation, I love it and the orgasms I have are amazing.& It is just I hate the 30 minutes or so at the begining where all kinds of mundane thoughts keep interrupting me.& Then I have 5-10 minuites of pure pleasure.& Once I get to the pleasure zone I can barely keep it together and I come quite strongly.& I don't want to rush at all, I just want to skip the begining part :S | 2008-06-06 07:04:14 |
| 875 | 5796 | Hi everyone, This is my first post but I really enjoy this site and it's given me a lot of insight regarding my own sexuality.& I've been trying to find an answer to this problem I'm having so any comments are appreciated. I'm 27 years old, single, and started really exploring myself sexually when I was about 15 or 16.& My best friend and I would find these erotic drawing of our favourite cartoons on the internet and look for more.& The things we would look up were always of women, and sometimes lesbian scenes.& My friend is bisexual, and would sometimes make small advances at me although nothing ever became of it.& I would masturbate to orgasm thinking about these pictures and the lesbianism which was so taboo to me.& I've been getting myself off thinking about women like that ever since, but I'm definitely straight - I only feel attracted to men, but at the same time am only really sexually stimulated thinking about women.& It becomes a problem when I have sex with my boyfriend, because I can never orgasm unless I really force it - it takes a really long time and I have to block him out and think about some kind of lesbian scene.& Men do turn me on, I enjoy sex a lot but in order to reach orgasm it just doesn't seem to be enough. I've been thinking about ways to teach myself to masturbate "normally" without these thoughts, but it's tough to change these ways now.& Any suggestions??& It seems like there are a lot of women who post on this site who think about girls, as well. | 2008-05-30 18:15:42 |
| 875 | 5797 | Littleredsuitcase,& there are many here much more qualified than I to respond to your question but I shall have my turn. I believe some late investigations are concluding that many women are bi, can get off on watching women or reading about lesbian scenes as well as responding to hetereo scenes. It appears you are one of many, therefore, and can be& at peace, enjoying your sexuality which you cannot change. I do not see anything wrong with what you are imagining when you are with your boyfriend. Many, many people, men and women,& indulge favourite fantasies& during hetereo intercourse. Too, I am open to correction, but I believe frequent masturbation helps us progress. | 2008-05-30 19:21:55 |
| 875 | 5804 | Dear littlered...I think you're trying to find a "faulty you" when there is none, don't feel strange for having erotic feelings for women, you're completely normal and maybe you're punishing yourself. My humble opinion is that you could give yourself some latitude and explore bisexuality with the friend you mentioned, if your friend is an educated and mature woman will understand your needs and feelings and by exploring it doesn't mean you are "lesbian". Just my advice lots of luck...love Luisa | 2008-05-31 12:05:21 |
| 875 | 5811 | You say that lesbianism was so taboo to you.& Perhaps you are a lesbian (or bisexual) but beacuse of your upbringing you cannot admit it to yourself.& This is very common given the way society treats homosexuality.& Lots of gay men, and probably a lot of gay women as well, marry and have children and families to try and hide their homosexuality, often to hide it from themselves as much as anyone. If you have to block out your boyfriend and strenuously think about having sex with a woman in order to orgasm during intercourse, that's a pretty strong signal.& If you are looking for a "fault" to fix, it's not to learn how to find something new arousing, but to learn to realize that what already turns you on is not a fault that needs to be fixed in the first place. | 2008-06-03 02:05:32 |
| 875 | 5824 | Thanks for all fo the replies!& OK, well I did wonder if I was a lesbian but I don't think that I am because I don't find women attractive - by that I mean, I can't pick a woman out of a crowd and say "hey, she's cute".& & I have bi friends who do that, so I think that I can't be like them.& I only seem to get turned on by them when I think about them sexually. I know it seems like I'm trying to fix myself and the whole theme of sexuality that we keep talking about is that there is nothing to fix, that everyone should feel free in their sexuality.& From my point of view it's more an issue& because I can get off to my fantasies more than I can when I'm actually with someone - THAT'S my main problem. I do want to explore and see what actually being with a girl would make me feel like, but I also feel a bit weird about it.& That friend of mine is married now, so she really isn't an option anymore.& So...yeah, I guess that's it :P Any more suggestions are appreciated. | 2008-06-05 17:10:45 |
| 875 | 6310 | Hi Littleredsuitcase, Due to imprinting, our first sexual experiences really stick with us.& You learned to fantasize and masturbate about lesbian and female stimuli.& So that is what continues to turn you on. Hey, whatever works!& There are many women who can't come at all during sex, so if you find something that works while you are making love to your guy, go ahead and indulge!& If you could sell it you would make millions!! Sometimes I think of other women during hetero sex.& Sometimes I have to suck my thumb in order to cum!& Who cares, if it works, use it!& I can fight the thumb sucking because I think it is weird and embarrassing, but then I can't cum, and that is no fun. The more you fight your fantasies, the more you will feel guilt.& Just go with them, and soon you will find your fantasies branching out into other realms.& Whatever facilitates your orgasms, what could be wrong with that, unless it causes harm to someone it is OK !!! So the next time your guy is stimulating your Little Red Button, go ahead and use your lesbian fantasies to& have powerful orgasms, and tell him little white lies that he is the best lover! & ;D | 2008-12-21 17:28:15 |
| 875 | 6319 | I read somewhere that straight women might like to see other women being pleasured, or have fantasies about a woman pleasuring her, because a woman would be most likely to know what feels good on a woman.& You don't necessarily have to be a closeted lesbian to enjoy a 'lesbian' fantasy. | 2008-12-29 07:16:06 |
| 875 | 6330 | Hi Littleredsuitcase .. this is my first post also ... :) I think one thing to remember is that fantasizing about something doesn't necessarily mean that you want to do it for real. If you fantasize about women, maybe you really want to do it or maybe not, but fantasizing by itself& doesn't make you bi or lesbian. And besides, I have a problem with those labels anyway. What does "bi" really mean? You& have probably hugged and kissed women, or touched their breasts. That& doesn't make you bi. | 2009-01-01 13:09:56 |
| 875 | 6331 | Happy New year...I do agree with you, touching another female doesn't make you a lesbian neither looking at a naked female, I do look and enjoy the beauty of the female body and get aroused. I do like the sexual tone of the women as men also but I keep it in different "compartments", where they don't collide and I don't understan why some women are so terribly afraid of enjoing sex(fantasies, touch, masturbation, etc)& with another female. Sexuality is so personal that we can't compare two persons or want to look or do exactly as other people do luisa | 2009-01-01 13:28:31 |
| 875 | 6348 | Very good point, luisa :) | 2009-01-05 21:30:00 |
| 875 | 6964 | You might try, if you haven't already, sharing this fantasy with your boyfriend, as the odds are that he has the same one! In this way, by letting him into the fantasy (he can either add himself into the scene or maybe just imagine watching it, which many guys would love to do) perhaps that would help you to slowly include him in the fantasy that excites you. If not, I'd say it's not too big a problem unless there is a lot of guilt involved. In that case you could bring it up to him and see what his response is. Personally, and speaking for whatever percentage of men are similar to me, I might be a bit jealous of my wife fantasizing about another guy during sex, but if I found out she was thinking of a woman, I'd be pleased as punch and would welcome whatever details she felt like divulging during the whole experience. | 2010-01-02 05:11:50 |
| 877 | 5838 | I just want to know how ye women think about men's nipples? We all know that the culture stress the beauty of female breast and makes it a model of sexiness, but male breasts are totally neglected. Could ye female reders give some opinions on this topic? | 2008-06-07 02:35:16 |
| 877 | 5857 | I love carressing my mans round fleshy, firm, covered in dark hair breasts & suckling his tender pink with a slight button, nipples. I myself don't go by or relate much to what the culture stresses is the modle for sexiness. The 8 billion or so people that walk this earth are not part of my sexual experience while I'm experiencing it. People are fickle & what is sexy to all those poll takers will change as quickly as the wind. I dunno about the male breasts being totally neglected vs. Womans for I never neglect my partners. And in doing a Yahoo search for "mens breasts & sexuality" I found 100,000 listings, so it seems quite a few aren't neglecting them either, or at least the topic. On a simular note, I have found some men enjoy the sensations of attention to their breasts & nipples as I do & some feel nothing. But all love, ok one didn't...love the attention. For the ones that didn't recieved the actual pleasure sensation that I enjoy, it wasn't the action, but the (visual) action & the attention to them, that turned them on & added to the sexual experience in a very good way. | 2008-06-14 13:42:53 |
| 877 | 5860 | I like mans nipples a lot. For me it's very sexy when they become hard and in my experience man enjoy that too. I also like nipple piercings in men. | 2008-06-15 11:12:00 |
| 877 | 5871 | I do like male nipples. I've heard somewhere that some men feel uncomfortable about nipple stimulation because they feel it's not "manly" and I think that's a shame because from what I understand it's very sensitive there and can feel great when stimulated. | 2008-06-16 20:22:02 |
| 879 | 5845 | I am a female and I recently found this site and I find that is very informative. I am 22 yo. I find that I feel different sensations while I am aroused depending on the situation. Can the other women here relate? Like, if I am intimate with my current partner (and in the past with other partners) or alone fantasizing it feels like a fullness in my whole crotch area (I can feel this fullness with or without touching myself) and it feels tingly and warm. It feels "electric". Emotionally, I feel great and have strong desire for sex and intimacy. Sometimes, I watch porn or read erotica and I feel more of a pulsing or throbbing sensation almost immediately. I don't feel so much of a desire for intimacy, but rather I just want to "get off". I feel fine emotionally (not ashamed or whatever), yet I feel rather empty. I don't understand why the sensations feel different, why I feel pulsing or throbbing just with porn? Is the pulsing or throbbing a sign of weaker or stronger arousal or is it just a variance? | 2008-06-08 19:37:56 |
| 879 | 5848 | Hi I have my own experience and when the momentum has been buildingup I feel thhat fullness sensation and I believe it is caused by the extra flow of blood in the genital larea that makes& the labia engorged and sometimes dark red and the clit hard; but how I said before it is after some time of foreplay diferent from the "tingly sensation" that comes and goes swiftly after maasturbariton and caused by different stimuly. | 2008-06-09 16:44:00 |
| 879 | 5895 | hi anony-mouse, i experience this "different forms of arousal" as you do - the desire for my partner, which is a mixture of sexual attraction end emotional longing, and the "non-emotional", horny feeling when i watch porn. | 2008-06-23 12:11:37 |
| 879 | 6222 | I know what you mean.& Different things turn me on in different ways, and& my orgasms vary also depending upon what type of fantasies I am indulging.& Sometimes they are just pure horny pleasure, while other times I have a "sweet one" where if I'm thinking about a girl or someone I love.& It actually feels different. Or sometimes my arousal and orgasm feel different from thinking about something "naughty" or forbidden, taboo.... point is& I do think that these are different, separate& types of arousal.& & & | 2008-11-06 14:30:30 |
| 879 | 6225 | Hi Mysecret....I understand you because I reach orgasm by squeezing my legs together "look ma no hands" lol.specially at work I used to remove my panties and play with the jeans seam inside my vulva, rubbing the clit and leave my imagination fly....it was a real pleasure for me.....today I still doing it at malls or walking around the supermarket or stores. I seen other women, young and older, doing it in different places and& get me started lol luisa & | 2008-11-06 15:22:29 |
| 879 | 6234 | [user=13678]Mysecret[/user] wrote: "point is& I do think that these are different, separate& types of arousal.& & & " Hello Mysecret... ... any Idea what to do if I only experience one of these types - the pulsing type, not the (ful-)filling type - do you think it is possible to experience both types by masturbation??? | 2008-11-08 01:16:42 |
| 879 | 6238 | As young as you are, it's very possibly a simple lack of experience.& If you're young, inexperienced, and have only recently started masturbating to orgasm, it may take a long time of exploration (physical and psychological) before you really flesh out your knowledge of your own body. | 2008-11-08 01:37:36 |
| 879 | 6242 | alexa girl,& What to do if you only have one type of orgasm?& Enjoy it! I get the different types from masturbating. | 2008-11-08 02:55:19 |
| 881 | 5853 | I'm a 19 year old girl who's recently become comfortable with my sexuality. That is to say, I come from a household that is very religious, and for the longest time I held a negative view of sex. I've recently start worrying about the possibility of having clitoral adhesions that are somehow responsible for my anorgasmia. Yep, I don't think I've ever had an orgasm, and it's very frustrating. I feel as though right when I'm about to peak, the stimulation becomes too intense, and actually uncomfortable. I also notice that after the "peak" there are some mild involuntary vaginal contractions, however there is no pleasure associated with them. What is going on here? Could my inability to achieve orgasm be somehow related to the presence of clitoral adhesions? I feel like masturbating isn't even all that pleasurable sometimes, almost as though my clitoris is insensitive to touch. Also, I have to admit I'm not all that aroused when I masturbate, mostly because it's hard for me to "get in the mood"..could this also be connected to my anorgasmia? | 2008-06-10 15:57:54 |
| 881 | 5855 | [user=9894]kat14[/user] wrote:& " I feel as though right when I'm about to peak, the stimulation becomes too intense, and actually uncomfortable. I also notice that after the "peak" there are some mild involuntary vaginal contractions, however there is no pleasure associated with them.& " While I am no psychologist or psychiatrist, it almost seems like you are at that moment and something is not letting you feel the pleasure.& What you explain sounds just like an orgasm (at least what I've noticed with my wife) except for the "no pleasure" part.& I just have a hunch that it could be mental.& Maybe you have buried guilt left over from what you've overcome already.& I'm not sure. Don't carve my words in stone, but just maybe consider them.& When I was younger I felt the same for the same reasons as you.& Although I'm sure it's different for men.& Women seem to need to have the perfect state of mind (sometimes).& And maybe there is buried guilt that is keeping that from happening. It is my opinion that sexual pleasure is one of God's greatest gifts given to us.& It's free, it's easy, can be enjoyed by yourself or with someone.& There's just really nothing like it.& There does not ever need to be any guilt (if that's the case). Hopefully if this doesn't help, someone else can offer something more insightful.& Dont' give up. RB | 2008-06-14 10:52:45 |
| 881 | 5887 | RB makes a good point, there could quite possibly be resonating guilt considering the environment you grew up in. Might I also suggest taking more time with yourself. Perhaps you're trying to go too fast. If you're clitoris is not responding/feeling pleasure, you're probably not aroused enough. Fantasies and other mental processes are incredibly vital to your physical pleasure. If it helps, set the mood. Make sure you're in a comfortable, safe place where you can devote as much time as you need without fear of interruptions. Light some scented candles if you wish. Many women tend to like those; and incenses. This other issue when you "peak" sounds remarkably similar to my girlfriends issue with anorgasmia. The sensations become too intense and she has to stop stimulation. Again, to me it seems as though you're just not giving yourself enough time. Of course, I could be wrong. Not to sound like a pervert or anything, but perhaps if you can go into more detail (by no means should you if you're uncomfortable with it). | 2008-06-21 12:32:34 |
| 881 | 5888 | I did some research on clitoral adhesions, and it doesn't sound like that's your problem. I think the primary cause is insufficient arousal and lubrication. If you're having trouble fantasizing, books by Nancy Friday are excellent. For lubrication, perhaps invest in some KY warming lube. | 2008-06-21 16:48:52 |
| 884 | 5866 | Hey there, i was just wondering how many of you bled your first time? did it hurt? im was just wondering because i'm not sure if i still have my hymen or not. thanks for answering. | 2008-06-16 13:51:42 |
| 884 | 5869 | Hi, This is a subject that has been addressed in the survey section of the website: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/poll_first.htm www.misterpoll.com/polls/239042/results Brad | 2008-06-16 18:07:05 |
| 885 | 5870 | Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, we get out of rhythm when thrusting fast and have to stop and start over. This has happened in several positions.& Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do about it? | 2008-06-16 20:20:17 |
| 885 | 5874 | I have experienced the same, but haven't found a solution. Perhaps more practice? [img]/sexforum/images/emoticons/16.gif[/img] In porn movies, doesn't only one person actually move? I am sure they edit out any slip-outs and bloopers. Brad | 2008-06-17 09:52:12 |
| 885 | 5876 | That seems awfully boring for the person who isn't moving. | 2008-06-17 15:37:10 |
| 885 | 5880 | LOL!& Well then like Brad said...more practice! :D | 2008-06-19 14:30:51 |
| 886 | 5881 | I've been with this guy for two years and for fun I measured him, he was almost 6" long but not much girth,it was just over 4" around. Lately I've been seeing this new guy and his penis is much larger, probably 8" but much thicker, it's 6" around. Now my question is, even though my current boyfriend is suspicious about my infidelities, can he really tell the difference when he is inside me? He has mentioned that I don't seem as "tight" as I used to be. Thank you! | 2008-06-20 02:22:58 |
| 886 | 5882 | Hi Star....don't worry about any man being able to tell if you have sex with somebody else, to start the vagina is the most flexible part we have, it stretches and goes back to its original size so I say he is bluffing.I don't know if it will stretch a little if you use 'oversized dildoes several times a dday and every day', theanus can stretch because it is a muscle. Enjoy the one you like the best and if he continue saying that telling maybe is his penis getting skinnier lol. good luck Luisa | 2008-06-20 17:35:17 |
| 886 | 5883 | And watch the STD situation! It's the worst present one can give. | 2008-06-21 04:35:17 |
| 886 | 5890 | The vagina is indeed flexible, but it does take time to get back to normal.& Frequent sex does lead to some lesser degree of tightness (not the same as looseness) when compared with a woman who experiences penetration infrequently.& So the penis size may have little to do with it, however, if you and your boyfriend have sex infrequently and you don't masturbate (or don't use penetration when masturbating), your vagina may return to its rest state due to the time between sex. The point is this: if for example you have sex, say, once every two weeks and don't masturbate with penetration, your vagina will have two weeks in its rest state and will have to be warmed up accordingly.& If you have sex with this new guy the day before sex with your boyfriend, or earlier in the day, your muscles haven't had 2 weeks to settle into a rest state.& & So yes, after 2 years, it's possible he may be able to notice that it doesn't seem the same. | 2008-06-22 07:03:43 |
| 887 | 5885 | Well first off, let me say that I'm a male, posting on behalf of my wonderful girlfriend. She's 18, and has never had an orgasm. We've been working together, doing lots of research, and coming up with different ideas and what have you. I think she's made excellent progress. At first, she was unable to really stimulate herself, now she's getting quite close. The problem is, she explains that when she gets close, it's "too much." Her body goes almost into a spasm, tenses up a lot, and she has to stop stimulating herself. I suggested that perhaps she's not giving herself sufficient time to build up to such intense sensations. I've noticed that she'll touch and massage her entire vulva in myriad ways, then go straight to intense clitoral stimulation. I told her this is great, if it feels good, but perhaps she needs to gradually increase clitoral stimulation before going right to "orgasm strokes." Because, as I mentioned, the sensations are too much and she has to stop. I looked around this site quite extensively, as well as others, but haven't come across anything similar to this, so I was wondering if anyone here might have had some experience with this, and would be able to shed more light on this. Perhaps offer more advice on what to do. P.S. We're long distance at the moment, so there's nothing I can do physically for now. | 2008-06-21 11:38:26 |
| 888 | 5889 | I'm a 17 year old girl. Last night I think I had an orgasm during sleep. The dream itself was not sexual, I was in an exam. The more stressed I got, the more I sense my clitoris pulsating. Then, I remember coming to a powerful orgasm in my exam and I started screaming. As it was a dream, it's a blur to me whether the orgasm actually occurred or not. But if it felt very real in the dream, could it of actually happened? And why did it happen if the dream wasn't sexual? Thank you | 2008-06-21 22:21:49 |
| 888 | 5891 | Hi....female nocturnal orgasms are rare, they happen but no frequently...maybe what you experienced was an "image represantation"of a situation that you related to a powerful orgasm and as you say the dream didn't have any sexual content.. I will expect to find some signs of sexual arousal and orgasm rsults like wetness or some kind of discharge if you really had an orgasm. Usually sexual dreams very seldom have to do with sex in real life Love Luisa | 2008-06-22 13:48:59 |
| 890 | 5898 | I have had this problem with every sexual experience and partner. I have never been able to orgasm during sexual intercourse or when he rubs me, only during mastubation. I have had an orgasm and knows what it feels like, and this is leaving me frustrated. I AM and WAS sexually attracted to them but could never get them to give me an actual orgasm. I can also only get an orgasm by rubbing this certain part of my clitoris and it isn't even near the vaginal area. Any advice is appreciated. I really need help =] | 2008-06-26 04:43:37 |
| 890 | 5899 | It varies depending on the statistics you read, but somewhere between 75 to 90 percent of women are unable to orgasm through intercourse alone. It's simple biology. If you're one of those people, you need additional clitoral stimulation. When you say your partner "rubs" you but you still can't orgasm, I'm assuming you mean he's rubbing your clitoris. You need to teach him where and how to rub it properly. Try different positions. Missionary is very difficult to do this. Whenever my ex and I got her to orgasm through intercourse, she also need extra clitoral stimulation. We were able to accomplish this with her lying down at the edge of the bed, while I stood up. Another one that should work for easy clitoral access is kneeling on top and leaning back. Those are the only two I can think of right now, but there's probably a lot more. Just look up positions, and try the ones you think would give you and/or your partner easiest, most comfortable access to your clitoris and you should be just fine. | 2008-06-26 11:44:02 |
| 890 | 5901 | Some of my female partners have used a vibrator during intercourse. It's kind of fun for me as well. That's another way. I don't think I've been with a woman who could achieve orgasm during intercourse. | 2008-06-26 16:51:47 |
| 890 | 5912 | Boy do I know the feeling here!! I cannot orgasm through intercourse unless I or my boyfriend plays with my clit. Otherwise he cums then will continue by eating my out and then I'll orgasm. It also can depend on the excitement level. If we had been making out and doing other playful things before sex, then I'm more able to have an orgasm while having sex. | 2008-07-13 18:22:42 |
| 890 | 6778 | LOL well be thankful that you are even getting that. Sometimes my partner rubs my clit and I orgasm (which is very rarely - like once a month), other times he cums and we roll over and hug - i'm still left feeling horny and have to finish myself off later....:? [user=116]Ladybug[/user] wrote: "Boy do I know the feeling here!! I cannot orgasm through intercourse unless I or my boyfriend plays with my clit. Otherwise he cums then will continue by eating my out and then I'll orgasm. It also can depend on the excitement level. If we had been making out and doing other playful things before sex, then I'm more able to have an orgasm while having sex. " | 2009-08-18 09:18:37 |
| 891 | 5909 | Hi Everyone, I haven't been on here in a long long time and saw that people still post in here, even though not very recent. Anyway... I have been having trouble talking to my mom about people that we know are bi-sexual. She does not believe in it at all! Little does she know that I am bi-sexual, this being, I cannot tell her because then she would think I'm gay and I am not. I know everyone is allowed to have an opinion, but I always feel she pushes me down every time we have this discussion or we talk about someone I know is bi. What am I to say? I guess I pretty much wrote this post as a vent because it makes me so angry. | 2008-07-13 06:35:03 |
| 891 | 5910 | Hi lady, nice to hear from you... You're right in being mad, I've been too because the older generation was raised to believe that sex was only to procreate and any 'feelings or emotions' involved were "unatural and sinful" and to say the least emotions between the same sex; all of that is ignorance and fear, this older generation don't take the time to educate themselves about sexuality and they will have "a cow" if they know that many animals are bisexuals& (monkeys, girafes, whales, etc). I try to enjoy what I have and ignore those comments and don't try to discuss them. & Good luck...Luisa If& you have something too talk privy feel free to write....:-X& @};- | 2008-07-13 11:49:42 |
| 891 | 5911 | Thanks Luisa! You're definitely right. Another reason why I brought this up was because last night as I was babysitting there was a documentary on people coming out of the closet as well as their family and how they reacted. It was quite interesting. I remember my dad telling me that when I was younger that if I was gay he would kick me out. So I know if I were to tell them that I also like women that I'd pretty much would be out on my own, since in their eyes there is no such thing as it. You either like men or you like women. Sometimes I joke and say I'm sexually selfish. Also. I consider myself bi, but I never have really been with a woman. I would love to though, someday. I have kissed a girl before, but nothing more. My boyfriend almost slipped in front of my sister saying that I've kissed one of my friends before. All heck would have broke loose. | 2008-07-13 18:19:03 |
| 891 | 5913 | Hi lady....it is so refreshing to know that there is another people that have gone thru the same things we've gone thru because we try to acknowledge our sexuality. The idea of "being kick out" was the sole respnse there was to the "shame"& of having a sexually diffferent& relative or having a pregnant daughter out of wedlock. If you analyze it what is the difference& between kissing a boy or a girl? NONE only in the eyes of some people, also what is wrong with sex with either one ofthe sexes? Myself I had all my feelings represed for so long to the point that I enjoy the secrecy of sex, lol. luisa | 2008-07-14 09:55:13 |
| 891 | 5914 | Unfortunately a lot of people can't be reasoned with.& If you don't feel like they would change their minds and would have a strong negative reaction to your telling them about being bi, I would wait at least until you are at least independent of them, if you aren't already.& The big question is: why do they even need to know now?& It's your business.& If you had a girlfriend and wanted to bring her home, that would be a different case, but since you've only ever been attracted in your mind, I don't see the point of bringing it up.& As long as you're comfortable with it you shouldn't need to seek the approval of others in regards to your own sexuality. | 2008-07-14 12:30:15 |
| 891 | 5937 | [user=374]dfs3[/user] wrote: "Unfortunately a lot of people can't be reasoned with.& If you don't feel like they would change their minds and would have a strong negative reaction to your telling them about being bi, I would wait at least until you are at least independent of them, if you aren't already.& The big question is: why do they even need to know now?& It's your business.& If you had a girlfriend and wanted to bring her home, that would be a different case, but since you've only ever been attracted in your mind, I don't see the point of bringing it up.& As long as you're comfortable with it you shouldn't need to seek the approval of others in regards to your own sexuality. " You make a great point Dfs. I don't plan on bringing it up at all to my parents. Hopefully when I do get out on my own, I will be able to give some more thought to exploring. Until then... | 2008-07-20 17:09:25 |
| 891 | 6335 | this older generation don't take the time to educate themselves about sexuality I think you should be careful about making such generalizations. To think that "the older generation" isn't educated about sexuality is just as narrow-minded, and just as wrong, as someone thinking that all bisexual people are "perverted". I am one of the "older generation" that you speak of.& My children were not raised to think that sex is "sinful" or "dirty" or anything of the kind. If one of my daughters informed me that she was bi or whatever, it would not change my love for her in the least. What matters to me is that she is a good, decent human being ... her choice of sexual partners is her own business, not mine. I am sorry if you were raised in a very restrictive environment. It says a lot for your courage& that you are able to grow beyond it. But I think you should be careful about falling into the same trap of narrow-mindedness yourself. | 2009-01-02 00:30:54 |
| 894 | 5928 | I hope these questions do not make me sound too immature. I was thinking that this would be the place were I could get some answers. I wanted to know if most people had oral sex without a condom or is it just perceived like that in the media? Is it more pleasurable with or without for the man? Do women need to wear a condom before& performing cunniligus? Do most people& have oral sex& without a condom? I was just& curious about this whole thing& because I heard that oral sex without a condom can cause diseases. G. | 2008-07-17 22:27:39 |
| 894 | 5929 | As a general rule, oral, vaginal or anal sex should be considered equaly as far as diseases are concerned. That is, in case or any doubt, a condom should be used. When diseases are not a worry (both are sure to be fully healthy), preagnancy cannot occur from oral sex, so it becomes a question of preference. For example, my girlfriend is completely grossed out by the idea of sperm in her mouth, so a condom is the only option if I am to recieve a fellatio. For the cunnilingus, a condom cannot really play a protective role against diseases since in oral sex, the outside of the vulva is stimulated while the condom protects the inside of the vagina. There exists somthing called a dental or vaginal dam which consists of a thin sheet of latex material that is put over the vulva so to protect both partners for oral sex. [img] www.bygirlsforgirls.org/2002/images/dentalpackageb.jpg[/img] As for the amount of pleasure, I'd say it is more pleasurable without since the condoms and dam smoothes the texture of the tongue and mouth, resulting in a little less sensation. But then, even with a condom, it is highly pleasurable. The question about how most people do it is hard to answer, I really don't know, but I guess that in long term relationships they would tend to do it without with the only exception being if the giver is grossed out by sperm/taste/odour... | 2008-07-18 08:02:38 |
| 894 | 5930 | Thank you so much! That really helped me a lot. :) | 2008-07-18 20:43:44 |
| 894 | 5931 | Do they?& Probably.& Should they? No.& | 2008-07-19 00:39:30 |
| 894 | 5932 | So you're saying you don't have to wear one? | 2008-07-19 12:44:15 |
| 894 | 5934 | Your chances of contracting an STD through oral sex is 1/10 that of vaginal intercourse and 1/50 that of anal sex. But, still, it exists. The best idea is to have oral sex (and any other kind, for that matter) only with someone you know reasonably well. If you don't know them, then use a condom or dental dam. | 2008-07-20 02:39:30 |
| 894 | 5935 | I was responding to the question of whether more people engage in oral without protection.& The answer is yes, more people probably neglect to use protection for oral sex, but they should not do so.& Oral sex is still a possible disease spreader, though less likely for reasons of chemistry, and care should be taken. | 2008-07-20 06:20:39 |
| 894 | 5960 | I& have given (most of times) and recieved (always) oral sex without protection, because i knew my partners well. I fully agree that you should never have unprotected sex of any kind with a partner you don't know or trust. I must admit that& i didn't know about those vaginal dams - maybe they are not available in Europe... Anyway, i definitely prefer oral sex without a layer of plastic in between ;). Because it's not just about touch or pressure, the main point is to feel and taste and smell all of it, the skin, the fluids... for me, it needs a lot of trust to give and recieve oral sex, it is a sign of intimacy If a person doesn'd like it for whatever reason, he/she should say so and the partner should never force him/her to do it. | 2008-07-31 13:31:29 |
| 894 | 5966 | Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments! | 2008-08-01 10:21:32 |
| 895 | 5933 | I would like to hear from women, what kind of talk during intercourse turns you on?& Or would you rather not hear any talking? Do you like whispered (whatevers) with his lips touching your ears?& Give me something to go on here please. | 2008-07-19 19:31:58 |
| 895 | 5936 | Hi lady it is me again...I like to hear some sexual praise of my body, how eager I look, how wet I am, about my nipples, my butt and close to the climmax some dirty sexual talk using slangs and some dirty words but no "violence comments" they turn me off. That'sabout it. PS whenever is possible I love noisy sex | 2008-07-20 11:52:59 |
| 895 | 5973 | Be more specific about the word you accept as dirty talk are they such as -& fuck,cunt arse tits pussy and cock | 2008-08-06 05:39:28 |
| 895 | 5993 | I personally like light talking. A little moan there, or a "that feels good," "just like that," "mmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Just to name a couple. I don't like full out convos like, "Wow, I really love it when you lick my nipple that way!" I'm not all for, "Do you like it how I spank your butt like that?! huh? Do ya? Do ya?!" Not my cup of tea.& I'm a softie, what can I say? ;) | 2008-08-18 15:57:02 |
| 898 | 5940 | I'm 20 years ago and a virgin to intercourse, and I've always been scared to look at my vulva. I finally got up the courage, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was actually very intrigued by what I found. Even though I've seen tons of private parts on the web, I can't seem to figure mine out. I can't tell the clit from the hood, the lips from...well I can't even see my inner lips. My question is, is there any place where I show a picture of my vulva and have people help me identify things? I know that's such a weird request. But I'm not ready to go to the doctor, my friends aren't open enough. I just want someone to tell me I look okay. Well anyway, thanks for reading. | 2008-07-25 09:12:07 |
| 898 | 5941 | Might I ask, since it happens often, what is scaring you about looking at your own vulva ? It is a fear that I have difficulty understanding why it happens, but that is frequent in girls. For the picture... maybe you could ask Brad directly, he might be able to help you with your picture without having to put your parts on the internet for everyone to see... | 2008-07-25 11:27:50 |
| 898 | 5942 | Well, first of all, keep looking and touching so you become more familiar with your own body.& The more you do this, the less you will fear yourself.& The more fear and unease you have about your body, the harder it will be to feel comfortable with a partner and enjoy any sexual encounters you may have.& Have you looked through the non-forum parts of this site?& There is a whole lot of information about anatomy here.& I'm sure brad will come along and give you a link to a gallery full of vulva pictures of all shapes and sizes that may help you. Finally, unless you're worried about "looking okay" from a health point of view (which only a doctor can tell you), it's important for you to like how you look more than anyone else.& As I said before, vulvas come in all shapes and sizes, and different people like different looks.& No one will agree on whether one certain look is better than another, so it's best that you learn to see what's best in your own before worrying about how others feel. | 2008-07-25 11:39:05 |
| 898 | 5943 | [user=9754]Tomtom[/user] wrote: " For the picture... maybe you could ask Brad directly, he might be able to help you with your picture without having to put your parts on the internet for everyone to see... " Self-made pictures are not allowed here anyway if I remember correctly.& Even if she posted a pic, I'm sure brad would delete it. | 2008-07-25 11:40:38 |
| 898 | 5944 | I was rather thinking sending him through email, not posting the picture on the forums ;) | 2008-07-25 12:35:11 |
| 898 | 5947 | Hi, I have labeled photos for other women. There are examples of this in the Q&A and Body Image sections of the website. There is a place here in the discussion forum for R rated images, so photos of your vulva would be permitted as long as they don't show some form of sexual activity. You can also email them to me.& Here is the link to the contact forms on the main website. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/contact.htm Brad | 2008-07-25 17:28:37 |
| 898 | 5948 | As far as I know, fear of looking at one's own genitals is not unique to women; I remember a time not too long ago when I was scared to look at my own penis. I must guess that this is because I got a lot of messages to the effect that the naked human body is shameful, although I only remember a few incidents offhand. | 2008-07-27 17:08:20 |
| 898 | 5949 | [user=9754]Tomtom[/user] wrote: "Might I ask, since it happens often, what is scaring you about looking at your own vulva ? It is a fear that I have difficulty understanding why it happens, but that is frequent in girls. For the picture... maybe you could ask Brad directly, he might be able to help you with your picture without having to put your parts on the internet for everyone to see... " I'm not sure what has been scaring me. It's probably just fear of the unknown. My inner lips don't stick out at all and I really have to spread my outer lips out just to see any "pink". So my whole life I've never looked inside, I just thought there was the labia majora and a hole. When I got older I discovered I was supposed to have so many more things. I knew they were there, I knew I felt pleasure that they bring, but I just never looked at it. As time went on I kept putting off looking down there, and I got some sort of anxiety about it. Just imagine...I'd be seeing major body parts that I've had for 20 years for the very& first time. But I'm getting over that now, and my picture was labeled and I'm really starting to understand more things about my body. | 2008-07-28 18:55:59 |
| 898 | 5951 | The photo of Lynna's vulva can be accessed through the link given below: Brad | 2008-07-28 20:08:07 |
| 899 | 5945 | Reading some topics on libido problems on another forum, a question came to my mind.Let me explain : I'm a man. I feel that my need for sex is somewhat similar to hunger or thirst. If I'm horny and want sex, it is because.... I'm horny and want sex, period. My partner and the situation with her might have an effect on the how, where and with whom i want sex, but it definitely has no effect on me wanting sex or no. That is, whatever the situation with my girlfriend, I will feel a hunger for sex now and then. The desire for sex comes from me, not from my surrounding... If for some reason I'd not want sex with my girlfriend, I'd still want sex, be it by masturbation. Now, I've seen often the following story about women who had no libido whatsoever with a partner for X years (not even wanting to masturbate). Then they break up for some reason and end up with someone else with whom they have frequent and satisfactory sex for many years. Now, I don't understand how can this be that these women have no desire at all with someone but high desire with someone else. If the first one was a jerk, wouldn't they at least feel a need for sex and masturbate since the thought of sex with their man doesn't turn them on ? Why do they explain their lack of desire by their partner. I can't understand that since for me the libido comes from the inside, not the outside. Anyone to add feedback and help me understand? | 2008-07-25 14:59:23 |
| 899 | 5946 | A) Female chemistry is different from male chemistry which would explain some of these cases. B) In western society, men are socially pressured to engage in sex, women are socially pressured not to.& In many cases women succumb to these pressures so completely that their libido is entirely blocked by shame and guilt.& For many of these women, it takes a certain kind of person to help them overcome this social conditioning. | 2008-07-25 16:47:11 |
| 899 | 5952 | According to some accounts, males and females have different functions in reproduction. One difference is that males usually don't physically breed offspring, only females do.& Another difference is that the more a male engages in coitus, the more offspring it has; while the offspring of a female are not determined by the quantity of coitus it engages.& The third difference is that the loss of a male is less disadvantageous to the existence of a species than the loss of a female, this is also because only females breed. Therefore, if& a male start to have sex as& many as possible due to the mutation of some genes, its offspring who also have this gene will outnumber males without such gene. As time elapses, the former kind of male will become the mainstream. As to females, the number of its offspring is not determined by the numbers of sex actions. So a female has a& possibility to choose certain males and discard others, which doesn't affect the numbers of its offspring. If a female start to have sex only with males who have "better" physique and refuse to have sex with other "inferior" males due to the mutation of some genes, its offspring will get the same gene of "caviling" as well as have "better" physique therefore more "adaptive".& As time elapses, more this kind of females will be retained in this world. As to why males& only manifest& loving more coitus with& females,& and& why females only manifest having sex with males& they like, I don't know the reason.& It's a genetics thing.& And not all males and females belong to the mainstream. Deviation always exists. | 2008-07-29 06:19:14 |
| 899 | 5959 | in general, i agree with dfs3 - women are often educated not to feel sexual desire, at least not to show it. Fortunately, i wasn't brought up like that. My need for sex is a part of me, it is an instinct like the need for food or sleep. And it is always there, albeit its intensity varies during my monthly cycle. It comes from inside of me, it makes my masturbate, and it's& a sheer physical thing. The need for sex with a partner is more emotional - i'm horny, yes, but there is more, the wish to show my emotions, to give something, to make my partner happy and satisfied. This need can not be fulfilled by masturbation or one night stands. And it is very frustrating and demoralizing if it is not fulfilled& - i can imagine that such an emotional rejection kills sexual desire& a woman completely. Was that of any help? | 2008-07-31 13:05:54 |
| 899 | 5965 | [user=223]miss doolittle[/user] wrote: "It comes from inside of me, it makes my masturbate, and it's& a sheer physical thing. The need for sex with a partner is more emotional - i'm horny, yes, but there is more, the wish to show my emotions, to give something, to make my partner happy and satisfied. This need can not be fulfilled by masturbation or one night stands. And it is very frustrating and demoralizing if it is not fulfilled" It's exactly how I feel it as a man, and yes, it is frustrating when the interaction and playfullness cannot be shared with a partner because she's almost never enthusiast about sex... | 2008-08-01 09:45:54 |
| 899 | 6308 | Um... maybe it has to do with the skill level of the male as far as getting a woman in the mood! Also females subconsciously decide which males would provide her the best genes for baby, so that is a factor whether she feels horny for that particular male or not. For me, it is definitely a need.& I need sex.& Masturbation or with my man.& I love to cum!& However, if I am mad at my man, my desire for him lowers, although I could still go to other room and take care of my own needs! And of course there are countless other factors such as work, stress, bills, kids, chores, etc that will affect both male and female.& It is a lie that men want sex every moment of the day.& It's a nice fantasy though. | 2008-12-21 17:06:12 |
| 899 | 6333 | My partner and the situation with her might have an effect on the how, where and with whom i want sex, but it definitely has no effect on me wanting sex or no. Are you saying that it's not your gf or wife that makes you horny? And you'd be horny anyway, whether she was there or not? | 2009-01-01 15:29:07 |
| 899 | 6349 | Yes, indeed, that's what I'm saying. In a hunger context, it would translate to the fact that I don't need to see a served meal to feel hungry. The meal might have me not wanting to eat it, but I'd still be hungry. I wouldn't stop being hungry because the served meal is onion and anchovies ice cream. Thus, when I get hungry, I might start to cook a great meal and then eat it and be happy. My question was, how come does it seem that some woman never seem to be "hungry" for sex before being served a satisfactory meal, thus never wanting to "cook" for something but only wait for something to be served before feeling any need to eat. | 2009-01-06 13:22:23 |
| 899 | 6359 | how come does it seem that some woman never seem to be "hungry" for sex before being served a satisfactory meal I think because a man's body continously makes sperm, and when your testicles fill up to a certain point, you feel the need to ... umm ... empty them. A woman's body doesn't work that way. So our horniness is more situational than yours is. That's not necessarily 100% true all the time, though. When I'm ovulating, I get kinda all dreamy and touchy-feely like, and if there's a man around that appeals to me I will want sex. I don't think it's exactly the same as your horniness build-up, however. | 2009-01-07 17:28:36 |
| 899 | 6363 | Well, I'm female and I feel the same as Tom Tom that I'd be horny and want to get off regardless if I had a partner or not. I guess I have a rather male libido. :P | 2009-01-07 18:07:26 |
| 899 | 6366 | [user=14311]LolitaLynn[/user] wrote: "Well, I'm female and I feel the same as Tom Tom that I'd be horny and want to get off regardless if I had a partner or not. I guess I have a rather male libido. :P" Well, there you go. We're all different :) | 2009-01-07 19:10:03 |
| 899 | 6372 | I read that was a theory but there is no evidence for it. Some guys don't masturbate at all and don't even have nocturnal emissions. The fluid just gets re-absorbed. Testosterone may be the reason guys are usually have larger libido....I have wondered if horny women usually have a clitoris that rubs the right way LOL | 2009-01-08 22:53:15 |
| 899 | 6373 | Well I am one of those "horny women" and my clitoris is a strange animal. It's very small, tiny and likes to stay hidden in its foreskin. Sudden intrusions feel painful and sharp and I find I get the best stimulation rubbing it against the clitoral hood. It does not become erect. It has a wide range of sensations during orgasm and don't think I'm lacking in that area, but until it reaches the near orgasm stage of arousal it's not all that sensitive, yet over sensitive to direct touch (like hitting a nerve). I am far more likely experience unexpected tactile arousal from my nipples. Something might brush across my chest, or I brush up against something and the tingling starts and there's a very good chance I may end up wet and have to do something about that. :shock: I almost never wear a bra. My breasts are rather small but well-shaped and they enjoy freedom so much I don't see any need to. I also get aroused and horny having sexy fantasies (One of my favorite is gay men. That really turns me on) or reading stuff like this that gets me into the sexually open state of mind. | 2009-01-09 01:02:24 |
| 899 | 6390 | Now, I've seen often the following story about women who had no libido whatsoever with a partner for X years (not even wanting to masturbate). Then they break up for some reason and end up with someone else with whom they have frequent and satisfactory sex for many years. Now, I don't understand how can this be that these women have no desire at all with someone but high desire with someone else. If the first one was a jerk, wouldn't they at least feel a need for sex and masturbate since the thought of sex with their man doesn't turn them on ? Why do they explain their lack of desire by their partner. I can't understand that since for me the libido comes from the inside, not the outside." Hi TomTom, I'm a Woman & from my view... Here's a few of the 100's of possible reasons, the Woman in your story had that experience. The Woman in your story, could have been like me at one time. She had low self esteem & stayed in a 3 year sexless relationship, with a very angry man, who would push her away, when she made sexual advances. Telling her she was too needy, that way. So she shelved her sexuality. I masturbated tho, often. Maybe she had less self esteem than me? She could have lost a fair amount of weight? Started working out. Got a makeover & some new sexy clothes... That would cause any Man or Woman to feel more energized, attractive, sexy & sexual. She let herself go, then she found herself again. And those dreaded hormones... maybe she got her outta wack ones, back in wack. I love the kinda full throttle, libido you speak of, when I have found it in my lovers. And to you it feels normal. Anything else & I know you would feel the presence of missing something. And you sound like the kinda man, who would be looking into it rather quickly. And thats a good/great thing! I don't think my Boyfriend has experienced your kind of libido & the kind I have experience with many other Males. I think if he ever had it, he would surely miss & realize it, if it were gone. He says he thinks about, likes it, wants it. Its just not happening, a year into our relationship. He has difficulty getting & keeping an erection. He really doesn't seem much interested in sex. We spend a great deal of time together. I wonder, are there men with high libidos, who have erection disfunction? Please, anyone out there with this exact condition, please share. That would help me greatly on the topic of libido. Enjoy your Libido! You are blessed... :} | 2009-01-14 22:17:49 |
| 901 | 5953 | I have been married to my beautyfull wife for 9+ years now.& For the last year or so she has been on many different types of depression medications.& This as put her sexual desire at 0.& The depression came on after my son was born 5 years ago and rescently about a year ago diagnosed with depression.& She reassures me that it's not me and she loves me and i'm not the reason why she's not wanting sex but it's because of the medication.& It's not just the sex it's the lack of intamicy all together and lack of affection. I don't know what to do.& I feel like the only time we do make love is when she's got some alcohol in her or if i beg.& It is causing problems because of the lack of sex drive but we don't know how to fix this.& The doctors just prescribe something else for her depression and guess what?& It has sexual side effects too. & Is there anyone out there that is having the same problem or who has had the problem and resolved it? | 2008-07-29 14:46:49 |
| 901 | 5954 | if it makes you feel any better (and i already know your answer), there are thousands more out here with the exact same problem. you don't mention any age, but willing to bet 30's or early 40's. the only chance i see is her getting off the meds. good luck. wish i had more info, but i'm in the same situation myself. only difference is, i'm 20-30 years older. | 2008-07-29 22:03:37 |
| 901 | 5955 | If she can't agree to get you off from time to time then she should agree to allowing for a "massage with a happy ending" from some local establishment. Even if she has no desire she could easily give you the occasional or regular handjob. Just how much effort does that take? Also, studies are showing that Viagra works for women, too. There's also the option of testosterone injections. Wishing you success. It isn't a happy situation, I know from experience. | 2008-07-30 10:14:46 |
| 901 | 5956 | Hi all...the problem is that the sexual apetite is gone due to the fact that the drugs diminishes& depression but stop the dessire, and there is no a drug that doesn't have this SIDE EFFECT. I'llsuggest to try natural antidepression remedies, they may work....Luisa | 2008-07-30 13:02:13 |
| 901 | 5958 | Antidepressants can also impair or prevent orgasm, on top of diminished or absent desire. There is no easy answer to this problem. Brad | 2008-07-30 23:22:00 |
| 901 | 5963 | Yes, a friend of mine has told me she can't orgasm now that she's on anti-depressants. | 2008-07-31 18:41:00 |
| 901 | 6309 | That happened to me.& Was on antidepressant which made orgasms hard to come by !!!& & Pun intended.& It took 30+ minutes to come, and required extreme effort. My doc switched my med and problem solved.& You need to try other drugs until you find the right one or combinations that work for you. Even then,& after long-term use, you may need to change meds later on for one reason or another.& Keep working with your doctor and tell her everything honestly.& Believe me, it is so worth it to have sex life back!!!!!!& | 2008-12-21 17:12:17 |
| 903 | 5961 | 2008-07-31 13:42:07 | |
| 903 | 5999 | I've been passing for the same thing for all my live. My husband love to talk when we're making love, he loves to talk about me having sex with a strange persons and some times with some friend(I love it), but I'm not sure if I can trust him, so I allways say to him that I don't like the stories cause I'm romsntic and he is my only love. But sometimes I use a shrot bluse and some friends can see my niples(down bluse) and when I sow some of then looking to me I feel very hot and use to think in this guy when we are making love. It's realy turn me on. But he will never no. Nina Sorry, for my english. & | 2008-08-19 17:10:48 |
| 903 | 6000 | Nina...no te preocupes todas vivimos de fantasias si quieres escribe a mi correo buscalo en members....luisa | 2008-08-19 17:52:31 |
| 903 | 6001 | sounds like she could use some therapy, both for her childhood issues with her mom and also for her sexual communication issues with you. If after 25 years she still doesn't& open up to you and even ignores your questions, it sounds like there are some fundamental communication issues going on. | 2008-08-19 19:25:53 |
| 903 | 6003 | Well..I disagree with one of the responses. She is a willing participant, you have sex more than most couples I know, and she isn't big on foreplay - something most men would be delighted with. So she won't talk dirty and she has not fantasies. I'm not sure that is so unusual. The Kinsey Institute reports: Men's sexual fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women's; women's fantasies tend to be more emotional and romantic (Zurbriggen & Yost, 2004). In one study, men's fantasies mentioned a partner's sexual desire and pleasure more frequently than did women's fantasies (Zurbriggen & Yost, 2004). 54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994). 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994). This says that women think about sex less than men. Therefore, they must also fantasize less. I don't think my own wife really has any fantasies. I see the problem with her lack of communication during sex. It seems to me the obsession with fantasies is your own issue and the lack of interest in communicating AT ALL during sex is yours. She isn't the only one who needs help. counseling counseling counseling | 2008-08-21 03:09:03 |
| 904 | 5964 | au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/4843472/designer-vaginas-blacklisted-gynos | 2008-08-01 08:40:57 |
| 904 | 6022 | Interesting. | 2008-08-23 21:42:01 |
| 904 | 6045 | I agree it shoud be banned. | 2008-08-24 08:06:19 |
| 904 | 6055 | When the surgeons who perform the surgery does it more for the money and not the well being of the patient and causes unbelievable damage and harm then I choose to say for such delicate surgery that is unwarranted it should be banned I don't thin I am being narcissistic when it was demonstrated the highly damaging results! | 2008-08-25 02:40:45 |
| 907 | 5972 | I feel the the words 'Knickers' and 'bum' are much more sexy than Panties' and 'but' and I am sure my male partners do. One American gent said he found it more sexy when in a passionate moment I said" get your hand& into my knickers". Do American Women use the words knickers and bum. I find that vocabulary us helps me determine if the contribution was from USA or UK | 2008-08-06 05:22:39 |
| 907 | 5986 | I wouldn't say I use those words. I think that knickers and bum probably sound a lot sexier from someone with an English accent rather than my accent.& :) | 2008-08-09 23:44:54 |
| 907 | 5987 | There are obviously some Americans who say knickers and bum, but generally speaking we don't.& I don't find what the words describe sexy rather than the words themselves. [user=116]Ladybug[/user] wrote:& " I think that knickers and bum probably sound a lot sexier from someone with an English accent rather than my accent.& :) " I agree.& It would seem out of place for an American to say it, but natural for a Brit.& | 2008-08-10 06:05:14 |
| 907 | 5988 | Yes! Just like hearing someone from Australia talk and have them say "wicked," *sighs* accents are a weakness of mine. I think the Americanized accent is downright ugly. Nothing really sexy about it. Unless he's a cowboy. lol | 2008-08-10 17:52:40 |
| 907 | 5991 | Want to try my yorkshire accent then, haha. Yes, I'm broad. Sound less like the queen than what you Americans do.:D Anyway, being a Brit, I use the terms& knickers and bum... | 2008-08-18 12:33:42 |
| 907 | 5992 | That is so cute!!! :) I can't think of any words that we Americans say that sound sexy... anyone's ideas? | 2008-08-18 15:54:28 |
| 907 | 5995 | Hi Lady...you made me realizethat the intimacy words in english don't exist...the real acepted terms are so cold and devoid:& "panties, bra, breasts,buttocks, etc", the slangs sound sexier to me when making love:-/..lol Iprefer some of the words used in Europe | 2008-08-18 19:08:12 |
| 907 | 5996 | "I can't think of any words that we Americans say that sound sexy... anyone's ideas?" Depends on the person.& Lots of people find southern accents sexy, and that typically includes slang from that region.& I'm sure other people find other regional American slang and accents attractive as well, but as is the nature of accents, you really aren't typically aware of the accent you have. " you made me realizethat the intimacy words in english don't exist...the real acepted terms are so cold and devoid: "panties, bra, breasts,buttocks, etc", the slangs sound sexier to me when making love" Are those really intimacy words, though?& They are factually correct and accurately descriptive words, but not words many people use in intimate situations.& I'm sure some people use those words in intimate situations, but I imagine those are the people who are too prudish to really enjoy the sex in the first place, so the point would seem moot.& most women, at least among themselves, seem to call their breasts boobs (guys tend to use boobs and tits pretty equally as the preferred words), and butt or ass is typical instead of buttocks.& I don't think there's anything cold or unsexy about phrases like "grab my ass" or "touch my boobs".& From a male perspective, the fact that slang is being used shows that the woman is comfortable enough with herself to speak frankly about her body and what she wants, and that's really a turn on far more than the actual word itself. As for panties and bra, again, I don't see anything cold in those, especially since the accurate "official" word for those tend to be something like underwear, undergarments, brassiere, etc.& Also, the tone of voice matters a lot as well.& Say what you will about the word panties itself, to paraphrase the OP, to hear "get your hand in my panties" has a totally different effect when it's stated blandly (or read on a screen) than when you hear it in a breathless whisper between moans and whimpers.& When I hear that tone of voice, I basically don't care what's being said :D | 2008-08-18 19:51:26 |
| 907 | 6004 | Dfs, I guess you're right! It all depends on the situation and how it's being said. I just can't picture me using them, nor have I ever. Time for me to explore a bit more I guess. lol ;) | 2008-08-21 18:52:11 |
| 914 | 6011 | Is G-spot orgasm and squirt only an male myth?Any girl can tell me? | 2008-08-23 18:12:21 |
| 914 | 6027 | No its not a myth. You can find more info on it on the site. | 2008-08-24 02:25:02 |
| 914 | 6039 | But betty dodson says that she doesn't believe in G-spot ,nor is she interested. | 2008-08-24 03:02:12 |
| 915 | 6012 | Somebody say that girls can sexually be divided into two kinds:the clit-girls and the viginal-girls ,is that true? | 2008-08-23 18:22:07 |
| 915 | 6021 | I don't think its that cut and dried.& & What about ones that are both?& I can orgasm with just my clit being stimulated and its good, but its even better if I have something inside me as well but I can't just have something inside me and have one...yet...need more practice :P | 2008-08-23 21:37:43 |
| 915 | 6028 | Then why not try stimulating your G-spot ?Isn't it as sensitive as the clit? | 2008-08-24 02:25:03 |
| 915 | 6030 | When? | 2008-08-24 02:28:54 |
| 915 | 6034 | Any time you want ,I think. | 2008-08-24 02:40:08 |
| 915 | 6037 | I can, but it takes awhile and I don't have time and my hands give out.& Besides, its not exactly weird that most girls get more out of clit stimulation. | 2008-08-24 02:45:57 |
| 915 | 6042 | Why not have a try and have a G-spot orgasm ,it is said it's the most intense form of orgasms. | 2008-08-24 04:51:54 |
| 915 | 6043 | You can have your partener help you to achieve one. | 2008-08-24 04:52:41 |
| 915 | 6048 | From England....right. | 2008-08-24 13:10:27 |
| 915 | 6087 | Us girls can also be divided into ones that don't achieve orgasms all the time too! As for the c and v girls, eh, I'm not sure what to think. Depends on how much my sexual arousal state is for me to orgasm vaginally. Most of the time I need both, but I can be considered a c-girl, I guess. | 2008-09-09 19:10:40 |
| 916 | 6013 | I read from this website that ,almost all the girls fantasize about girls in their masturbation ,and when they watch porn ,they always watch lesbian porn,it seems that men simply doesn't turn girls on .Why?I think according to nature's law ,woman should have sexual desires toward men. | 2008-08-23 18:26:26 |
| 916 | 6020 | No not every woman is attracted to other women.& I am but only certain types.& Some are absolutly grossed out at the idea of being with another woman.& | 2008-08-23 21:34:45 |
| 916 | 6023 | I doubt that what you read is true. I suspect it is a rarity. Women would more likely watch the porn their husbands watch since men usually initiate such an activity. This would include SOME lesbian porn but also other varieities. Most porn oriented towards women is heterosexual and romantic with a real storyline. There are some companies who specialize in this. | 2008-08-23 23:07:07 |
| 916 | 6025 | If this is the case,then why so many (90 percent +) women in the "visitors' masturbation experience" section said only girls make them horny?It can easily creat an illusion,or is it an illusion? | 2008-08-24 02:20:26 |
| 916 | 6026 | But is that a good cross section of every woman that there is, or just the ones that happened onto this site? | 2008-08-24 02:23:19 |
| 916 | 6029 | I know.Maybe only lesbians and bisexuals are more interested in the word clit and search it in google than heteros. | 2008-08-24 02:28:05 |
| 916 | 6031 | Could be true, or it could be someone who has questions. | 2008-08-24 02:29:47 |
| 916 | 6049 | [user=678]dragon[/user] wrote: "I know.Maybe only lesbians and bisexuals are more interested in the word clit and search it in google than heteros." I do not believe there is any data to support this assertion. | 2008-08-24 18:33:55 |
| 916 | 6050 | [user=9152]scarbowl[/user] wrote: "[user=678]dragon[/user] wrote: "I know.Maybe only lesbians and bisexuals are more interested in the word clit and search it in google than heteros." I do not believe there is any data to support this assertion."I agree (just didn't phrase it that way :P ) | 2008-08-24 19:25:43 |
| 917 | 6015 | Why do women moan during orgasm?Is it invulentary and uncontrollable? | 2008-08-23 19:52:07 |
| 917 | 6019 | A little of both, You have to let him know you like it ;) | 2008-08-23 21:30:43 |
| 917 | 6041 | If you masturbate alone ,do you also have the urge to vocalize?As a man ,I haven't the faintest desire to moan.Women's moaning seems uncomprehendable,does she just to please her partener? | 2008-08-24 04:48:21 |
| 926 | 6072 | sex in my passion.i used to do it twice wid my g/f using condom.i normally suck her boobs a lot but there is no traces of milk,although it is mammary glands but why there in no drop of milk.whats your thoughts, well do a girl like to be sucked or she just like kissing | 2008-08-28 21:53:57 |
| 926 | 6073 | Do you like having your nipples suckled? It varies as much in women as in men. Men generally love suckling breasts - socialization or otherwise. Milk results from certain hormones that occur primarily during/after pregnancy. | 2008-08-29 05:23:11 |
| 926 | 6074 | Any woman (and men) have thee potential to produce milk, there is a treatment for women who never been pregnant or even had intercourse to make them to rpoduce milk.& Some women volunteer as "wet nurses" breastfeeding abandoned babies in hospitals. & | 2008-08-29 14:28:13 |
| 926 | 6075 | if a women is unfertileand cant go through reproduction process ,can she still produce milk in her breast.or the milk results from satisfactory sexual relation????? | 2008-08-30 10:24:07 |
| 926 | 6076 | Hi, milk production inthe breasts is a natural thing independent of sexual activicty or fertility; first the breasts nad the glands and the nipples, next hormonal stimulation and physical suckling& and in 3 to 4 months milk start filling the breasts. Once the milk start flowing it will keep doing it& as long the breasts keep being sucked on; there is a lady in a Canadian farm that still breast feeding her 9 yrs old thru the 2 yrs old luisa | 2008-08-30 12:54:18 |
| 926 | 6077 | so it means once milking starts it goves on forever your life& if u keep sucking it????? | 2008-08-30 21:39:15 |
| 926 | 6078 | A little bit too far...!no all life but long time...and also breastfeeding is a good contraceptive...there are a lot of advantages like it helps us to go back to almost normal body after birth, helps with postpartum depression, etc. luisa | 2008-08-31 12:20:26 |
| 926 | 6079 | breastfeeding is not an effective contraception, it is still possible to fall pregnant while breastfeeding ( an adult or child :D) Jazzy x | 2008-08-31 18:05:44 |
| 926 | 6080 | [user=481]mehreenusman1[/user] wrote: "if a women is unfertileand cant go through reproduction process ,can she still produce milk in her breast.or the milk results from satisfactory sexual relation?????" Milk production does not result from "satisfactory sexual relation." It normally is a result of the hormones produced during pregnancy/delivery and dependent on on-going stimulation. (There are always exceptions, of course.) But sex - in and of itself - does not result in milk production no matter how "satisfactory" the "relations" might be. :) | 2008-09-01 02:19:09 |
| 926 | 6081 | how much milk can a women produce in a day is it in many liters or just a small amount.is there is limit of producing milk | 2008-09-03 12:05:21 |
| 926 | 6082 | The following webpages should provide the information you seek: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_lactation en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_milk_banking_in_North_America Brad | 2008-09-03 13:16:22 |
| 926 | 6083 | [user=481]mehreenusman1[/user] wrote: "how much milk can a women produce in a day is it in many liters or just a small amount.is there is limit of producing milk" supply and demand nature at its best! | 2008-09-03 14:39:17 |
| 926 | 6086 | [user=481]mehreenusman1[/user] wrote: "so it means once milking starts it goves on forever your life& if u keep sucking it?????" How do we get milk on our shelves? Cows are constantly milked... so if you milk yourself, then you will produce more milk. :) | 2008-09-09 19:07:54 |
| 926 | 6088 | [user=116]Ladybug[/user] wrote: "[user=481]mehreenusman1[/user] wrote: "so it means once milking starts it goves on forever your life if u keep sucking it?????" How do we get milk on our shelves? Cows are constantly milked... so if you milk yourself, then you will produce more milk. :) " You know what happens to the cow once it stops giving milk, don't you? In such a case, you wouldn't want to stop, either! :) | 2008-09-10 04:40:12 |
| 929 | 6100 | So what are u guys oppinions on waiting for the right one? Is it worth it? I personally cant help but feel I might be missing something. | 2008-09-16 21:42:16 |
| 929 | 6103 | It all depends on what you want as an individual. Some people want to save themselves for "The one". Others want to just have a play around with other willing partners.& As long as you're not hurting anyone and take proper precautions, then it doesn't really matter in this day and age. | 2008-09-17 20:46:05 |
| 929 | 6104 | Thanks Cannis, I know i was a little sparse in my post. But i have came to the same conclusion myself. As I see it life is short and I want to enjoy it as much as I can. Everyone I have talked to has said to wait though. I just wanted to hear more on the subject to make sure I got it right. thank you much for your post! | 2008-09-17 21:15:20 |
| 929 | 6108 | I have always believed there is no such person as the "right one". If you enjoy another's company and are genuine friends, then you can, in time, fall in love with that person. I met my wife when I was 17 and she, 16 years. We were friends from the start, thought we were "in love",& but after 65 years we have larned what love really is. Sex can be enjoyed with virtually any compatible person, but you may not want to set up a permanent home with them. So I suggest you don't wait for some form of magic to help you decide. It has been well said, that a person may finally neet with Mr Right, but when found, find that Mr Right is himself looking for Miss Right, and their "hitting it off" doesn't happen; they were not "right" for each other Never look for perfection in another; the perfect human has not been born. Just be happy with someone you're comfortable with, and have their respect. | 2008-09-18 21:25:20 |
| 929 | 6111 | thx Frankie24. im glad for your response. I have come to find the same view. Obviously not everyone is perfect! lol I think I' m ok. Ill keep an eye out | 2008-09-19 20:32:56 |
| 930 | 6101 | Hi, I have a rant/issue. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months now, he is my first boyfriend (i'm 20 years old) and is older than me, he's 33 and from a different country (i'm english) although his english is very good.He's been here two years and doesnt need a visa, this isnt about "is he using me to live here" I 've never had a boyfriend before and so arent sure about the proper behaviours or anything, but i have common sense.I've noticed these things for awhile. For example, he has a terrible temper. It doesn't take much to set him off, a little mistake, a misunderstanding, and he sulks, then the nasty comments, then shouting. He always proclaims we're finished, tells me to leave, if i cry he ignores it, or carries on, saying he doesnt care that i'm crying or never cared about me, that he doesnt love me. then two minutes later its all "sorries" and i didnt mean it& ect. this morning, i run a bath for myself. he says can i make him a coffie, i say my bath is getting cold but ok, (before i got in) He says i dont have to do it but i say it's ok but my bath is getting cold. i ask him to open the jar as its stuck. He goes "ok" and stares at the computer. I ask again. Nothing. I say if he wants the coffie he has to help me now as i'm not running a second bath or sitting in a cold one while his coffie is being made. Nothing. So i say fine, i'm getting my bath now. He claims that he won't make me any tea in the future or help me, pick me up if i'm in town or anything. I say nothing. Later it's sorry. He wants to know who calls me, if i mention a male name i'm asked who is it. I'm always having to be careful what i say to him even if it's a joke in case he gets upset or sulks or angry. He tries to tell me what to wear, or if something has a stain on it he tells me to get changed (i'm still young, if its got a stain and you cant really see it, i'm afraid i couldn't care less) He says on his days off he can lie in bed all day, if i do the same, I'm "wasting time" and should get up. We had an argument the other night, because something in his bathroom went missing, a tweaser or something. He asked me wear it was earlier i said i hadn't seen it. Later he found it, started screaming at me that I'd stolen it and put it back again that night. (Turns out later on that he'd forgotten he'd found it earlier) He's screaming at me that i stole it, checking my bag for more stolen items, I say i didnt, why would i, i wasnt even in his flat that day. He says i'm disgusting, that we're over. I get angry, I don't lie or steal so i start yelling. He always tells me never to shout at him, but i dont care. He then raises his fist at me as if to hit me, but instead grabs me and shakes me. I start crying, eventually he calms down and says sorry, but that i need to forget about it, forget about the hitting. Don't even get me started about sex. First, i'm the opposite of his ideal woman, (black, tall, long dark hair) so why he's with me i dont know. When we do have sex, his idea of foreplay is: Toutch tits, arse, blowjob & same possition, if i want anything after i'm told to "do it myself." & So what does he sound like to you? Abusive or is this normal | 2008-09-17 07:15:24 |
| 930 | 6102 | This isn't normal. If I was you, I'd get away from this bloke. I don't know what country he is from but in some cultures, treating women in these ways can be too common and accepted in a way it wouldn't be in the UK and if he has grown up with that type of attitude instilled into him, it will be hard to change him if not impossible. If he is like this now, he'll never change and he could get worse so get away from him. You deserve better. | 2008-09-17 20:42:16 |
| 930 | 6106 | Ah, deserve better. Thats debatable.& I read on another post, men who love their girlfriend dont like blowjobs from the girl because its demeaning and they respect the girl. So does that mean then that if your boyfriend loves blowjobs he doesnt love you. | 2008-09-18 18:56:55 |
| 930 | 6107 | Don't think that you don't deserve better than a guy like that. Blokes like him use insecure feelings like that to make women stay with them and put up with that treatment. It is very common for victims of domestic violence to think they don't deserve better and that no other bloke will want them...this is how their abuser keeps her with him and he'll keep battering her self confidence with nasty remarks to make sure she doesn't develop the guts to leave him and go elsewhere. It is he who is even more insecure though. I'm not saying you are a victim of domestic violence so to speak...just saying that this is how bullying guys operate in general. As for blowjobs...well, I have heard that myself and some guys feel that way but not all. Some guys like blowjobs but still have respect and love for their partner but no guy should make a women perform this if she doesn't want to. I don't think your current BF falls into that category though. I'd get yourself away from him as soon as possible. | 2008-09-18 19:04:37 |
| 930 | 6109 | [user=12831]tillyemerald[/user] wrote: "Ah, deserve better. Thats debatable.& I read on another post, men who love their girlfriend dont like blowjobs from the girl because its demeaning and they respect the girl. So does that mean then that if your boyfriend loves blowjobs he doesnt love you. " That totally depends on if the guy sees a blowjob as demeaning, which many don't.& Some guys see it as demeaning and don't want to get them, others see them as demeaning and get off on it being demeaning.& Plenty of guys see it as just another form of sex.& Some of those don't like them because they feel awkward not doing anything, but others feel like it's a treat to have all the focus on them.& If they're willing to give a girl oral sex, they probably don't see a blowjob as demeaning. | 2008-09-18 21:30:20 |
| 930 | 6110 | [glow=yellow]KICK THE SOB IN THE ASS "PRONTO"[/glow] | 2008-09-19 19:00:13 |
| 930 | 6112 | thing is, i do love him, i also aware that if i'm without him i hate it, i just hate more the way he treats me, and he refuses to change. | 2008-09-20 11:02:24 |
| 930 | 6113 | Unfortunately, he doesn't sound like he feels the same way. If he did, he wouldn't treat you that way. I don't think I could love a guy who treated me that way. I'd still get out and find somebody better if I was you. Plenty more fish in the sea. If you do and find a much nicer guy, you'll be glad you did it. Still, in the end it is your choice but, you're right, he won't change and things will get worse....it's such a common pattern. | 2008-09-20 13:04:35 |
| 930 | 6114 | Hi dear you don't love him...........you're a "codependent" the best thing is get away from him and go to a support group for addictions, you're more valuable thatn you think, you're a person for god's sake...luck and love luisa | 2008-09-20 15:57:32 |
| 930 | 6115 | [user=19]luisa1[/user] wrote: " KICK THE SOB IN THE ASS "PRONTO" " I agree... Maybe invite him to leave the country. you don't need jerks like that in your life. | 2008-09-20 19:54:02 |
| 930 | 6117 | Do you know ongoing un-happyness, unsatisfied sexually or otherwise, disrespected with words or actions or being taken on one too many circular conversations are all very good reasons for ending a relationship? What makes you stay? Without the "I love him" part, which are only words, why do you stay? | 2008-09-22 12:41:00 |
| 930 | 6119 | The only other excuse I heard is "he/she will change "(never happens) and the abuse will continue. Remember nobody has the right to abuse a human being.. Luisa | 2008-09-22 13:13:04 |
| 930 | 6120 | i stay because i need him, and when hes nice he is so nice. | 2008-09-22 20:39:46 |
| 930 | 6121 | nobody needs an abusive boyfriend, and being nice sometimes doesn't make up for it either. | 2008-09-22 21:30:22 |
| 930 | 6122 | As my Father, used to ask me "Is the screwing your getting, worth the screwing your getting". He used to apply this wisdom to business matters, but I think it applies here as well. And I'm not even speaking of the "sexual" aspect of your relationship. This "Fello" has given you, one really good mind f*** tho, now hasn't he? You need him why? finacially/emotionally? After only 5 months? You say "when he's nice" as if that's more often not the norm. Is that what your implying? Is he more often quick to rage , over small stuff? He keeps you on edge emotionally, as you try & scamper verbally to to calm him & keep things calm. I would strongly sugjest typing in "Border line personality disorder" into a search engine. And read about that type of person & the Partners they attract. I think it will really open your eyes as to what your dealing with here & how you have attracted this into your life. Also a great Author & book on verbal abuse (continually, ignoring you when you ask a question is abusive behaviour) is Patricia Evans book "The verbally abusive relationship" (how to recognize & respond) And her other book "Controlling People". Also there are many on-line Yahoo & otherwise groups that make this issue their focus. Just type in Abusive relationship or verbal abuse. Did you know that's what your involved in? Ya wanna know how I know all this? Your story is my story... Only I had to spend another 25 years doing the research. When you don't love yourself this is what you attract. When you love yourself, you don't allow others not to. You don't allow others to devalue & disrespect you, because you will no longer allow that from yourself. I am 3 years now away from the last emotionally abusive relationship I will ever be in. I took the focus off "them" & started understanding myself. I also got a hold of a movie called "The Secret". All I can say is "check it out"! I am happy in a new relationship, with a Man who treats me like a Goddess. Makes me Coffee & Breakfast every morning, when I spend my Weekends with him, hands me my towel when my shower is finished, even dries my back & talks to me like I am precious to him. Hear my words, at the very least educate yourself. I know after just thumbing thru the first book I recomended you will have clarity. I wish I coulda listened a couple of decades earlier myself. But I had to find my own painful way out & away from such distructive relationships. I wish you all the best. :} | 2008-09-23 11:17:54 |
| 930 | 6123 | Hi, just a question...you said "I need him", what for? what is that he provides that you can not find anywhere else? Money ? love? companionship? support?....just ask yourself and write down the one thingthat you can not get with a "real human being" no an animal like him and I bet you won't find it. good luck& luisa | 2008-09-23 12:09:50 |
| 930 | 6124 | The only reason he'll be nice when he feels like it is just one ploy to keep you with him. It certainly is not reason enough to want to stay...or why would you put your concerns here in this forum to start with? There are guys out there that will be really nice, if not nicer without also being nasty and abusive at other times. Go find one of those instead of settling for this one you have at the moment. Further down the line, he could get physically violent and there have been plenty of stories where women were even killed by abusive partners who showed all the early warning signs that yours does. These women and those who survived all came out with the same comments as yourself to those around them. Ask yourself if their partners really loved them...to kill them or land them in hospital...then ask if yours really loves you. All of these abusive men would have periods of being overly nice...sort of playing with those womens heads. Also, these women were usually frightened to death of their partners but would still say they loved/needed them. Bit of a contradiction if you ask me. | 2008-09-23 14:38:23 |
| 931 | 6105 | My earlier posts told of our solution to the fact of my erectile dysfunction. Members may recall that after bypass surgery and mitral valve repair, I suffered Type II diabetes, which led to increasing difficulty gaining and retaining erections. We came to depend on a dildo for my wife who still retained a strong libido, together with a vibrator applied to her clitoris. At 82 and 81 years respecively, my performance is unlikely to improve, but I gain great emotional pleasure from serving her very successfully. But the situation has raised an issue for us. My wife asks me for satisfaction two to three times a week, and, when using a vibrator, feels the need for penetration as well. If I leave her, a very likely possibilty at my age and health history, she would be left without a "server", so to speak. History tells us that she is not likely to find a male partner at her age, widows in their 80s not regarded as desirable by younger men who retain their libidos, and men her own age are more likely to want only a caregiver. Thjis situation is a very common one, and it got me wondering if women in a similar situation to that I have suggested might be better served in parterning up. They would not only find companionship, but also be able to meet each others' sexual needs. The sex drive of elderly people, especially women, is not given serious consideration. I would appreciate the thoughts of the girls on this site. Would they seriously think my suggestion would work. | 2008-09-17 22:39:01 |
| 931 | 6128 | Hi Frankie24, Well first off you sound like a keeper! And the poster Boy/Man for the ultimate caring for his Partners needs (all of them) till the end. I found value in your story & appreciated your candor. So many subjects like this, are pushed to the side. Shame & embaressment, stop most from sharing. I applaud you for seeking advice & ideas. I don't share well. And if the tables were turned & I couldn't satisfy my Partner sexually, because of reasons like yours. I couldn't see staying in the relationship & him going to another for sex & me being emotionally ok with it. But the 2 of you have some years on me (I'm 48) and my answer & opinion could change down the road. Would the 2 of you be emotionally ok with it? Thats the big question for the 2 of you as I see it. And I am sure there are many other questions I don't know to ask. A "Sex Therapist" may be of great value to the 2 of you. Since you are so up front & clear about your challenge. Cutting to the chase with a Therapist & finding other options may be easier, than you may think now. Bottom line if the 2 of you are open to this getting "serviced" idea, then go for it! It is your lives & your business. You might do some searches on-line for Mature dating sites, Mature dating Groups, Mature sex. Also add the word "Married" to your searches. Maybe try a Senior Swinger site. You don't have to jump in, just check those topics out, maybe find other's in your same boat to share & exchange ideas. And who knows, maybe have some wild & crazy fun with your Wife & another. You can do this anyway the 2 of you decide. And you can be part of it all, or wish her a fun afternoon, as if she's going off, to get her nails done Know this...Your not alone! But finding those sexy Seniors may be tricky but not impossible. Most 20 year olds, look at me as a Senior, with exception, the 20 something year olds, I have had great fun with in recent years. Age is a number, you are proof! Bless you & your wife"s heart! Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that your answers & solutions come to you quickly. Also what I tell everyone, is to watch a movie called "The Secret". It's not about "sex" per say. But it will teach you about how your thoughts create your reality. Peace, :} | 2008-09-26 10:39:33 |
| 931 | 6133 | Thank you, Lovergirl. I suppose I have felt that senior, elderly sex, is regarded more with amusement than taken seriously, and often portrayed as caricatures. My wife remains beautiful, and I regard her continuing libido as a blessing for us both.& I have to say she would rather be with a person with whom it would be a spontaneous, mutual attraction.She does not find swinging an exciting possibilty, whether they are young or mature. In the past, we have had some experienceswith threeway and even fourway sharing. Oddly, it has been other women who have intitiated the action. That was many years past, and the action was more between the ladies than any deep involvement from me, although they didn't ignore me lol. But my first post in this thread was an exploratory one, as it seemed to me that the possibility that elderly, post-middle aged women were more likely and practical to find sexual solace with another woman than find a "working model" male. Your other suggestions are noted, and I will not be igoring them. And I will remain interested to learn from others how they cope with the demands of senior libidos. It remains, for many, an important issue. | 2008-09-30 21:57:27 |
| 931 | 6138 | " I suppose I have felt that senior, elderly sex, is regarded more with amusement than taken seriously, and often portrayed as caricatures". I live in the USA & it may be our cultural thing, but every generation seems to make fun of the next one or the previous one sexually & otherwise. Older ones make fun of teenage boys, who can shoot their load, just looking at a set of large knockers. Then there is, the "over the hill" gang I've heard of, that I'm getting close too (48) Must be time for me to check out all those "walkers" & "adult diapers" mentioned on greeting cards. Then there are those "wacky "seniors" still trying to have sex. It's not what "they" think, it's what you think. Your there, in your own experience, you know different! "I have to say she would rather be with a person with whom it would be a spontaneous, mutual attraction". And to this I say "who wouldn't". How is it, she has thought of making this happen? "Honey, I'm off to the market for some egg's, milk & perhapes one of those spontaneous, mutual attraction thingy's". "If that happens I'll be home a few hours late". "Don't worry Dinners in the Crock pot"! I dunno about you, but I don't share well. And if you can do it with the Woman you have shared all these decades with & still deeply love & are attracted to & emotionally wired to. Then send her off to the market or where ever, with a smile. I dunno that I could do it, but I'm not in your shoes either! "But my first post in this thread was an exploratory one, as it seemed to me that the possibility that elderly, post-middle aged women were more likely and practical to find sexual solace with another woman than find a "working model" male". Anything is possible, even your above example. It's not in any plan I have going at the moment. Since the 2 of you seem to be pretty open about talking about this, I would recommend going to a sex therapist. Even if just for a few visits. Where you might find more options & be able to discuss all the emotional factors of all the actions you may take, alone or together. That the 2 of you may or may not of thought of. You gonna be emotionally ok, when she's off for a few hours with "Bob" or "Jim" or "Steve" or "Susan" or "Donna" a couple of times a week having her "spontaneous, mutual attraction event? How does just thinking about it feel? "It remains, for many, an important issue". Hey we're all heading that way. Not just many, but all of us. Thanks for giving me some things to further ponder. Your story inspirers more thought to this topic. I hope young & older will chime in with their thoughts. | 2008-10-05 13:11:12 |
| 931 | 6334 | This is an interesting thread :) I'm 43 and this is a meaningful subject to me because I've dated men in their 60's and so I know firsthand that "senior or elderly sex"& most definitely should be taken seriously! I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "partnering up", though. Do you mean with other women? Or younger men? Or something else? You commented that women in their 80's are not as desirable to younger men and maybe that's true, but judging from the number of younger men who hit on me, I'd bet she wouldn't have much trouble finding a younger man. | 2009-01-02 00:14:29 |
| 931 | 6339 | Thank you, Lovergirl and Honeysuckle. Your comments are appreciated for the serious consideration of the issues. I believe I did not make myself clear in my original post. I am in the situation of having erectile dysfunction because of my health and medication. On the other hand, my wife retains the same strength of libido at 82 years, that she did 30 or more years ago. My situation as a male is not unusual: I have prostate cancer, which is slow moving which may not necessarily kill me; I am diabetic, for which I take medication orally; I also have heart disease, medication for that does not help my erectile problem. So, when I get turned on, my penis will swell and I receive all the other feelings of being horny. But the veins in my penis are damaged by my condition and the effect is that the blood flows out and the erection collapses before it can harden. I have consulted my GP and Urologists. I have trialled Viaga and similar drugs, to no avail. They don't close the venous valves in my penis. My wife has no such problems, and I understand her needs. I attend to her, and she is so open with her sexuality after so many years together, that I am more than happy to attend to her needs digitally. I love her deeply, but I do not own her. Love does not manipulate, so it can never be a matter of "sharing her"; she's not mine to share. But my original question was to do with the sexual loneliness of widowed and separated women, who retain their libidos. They can, of course, masturbate, but they cannot receive intimacy from masturbation. My wife and I have that, and I have made the discovery that, although I can get very horny when I share the progress towards her orgasms, I truly rejoice in the intimacy it gives us. So the question was: with there being more elderly women than men with sexual needs, and the number of women who confess to having "bi" thoughts, can some of them develop friendships that could meet both their physical and sexual needs? My wife doubts she could foster such a relationship, but the option remains when I am gone. She was much admired by young men in the past, but at 82 she doesn't see herself as a "cougar". It's a rhetorical question, but one that may provide answers for many who are in need. | 2009-01-03 21:19:28 |
| 931 | 6461 | Frankie24: In the context of your question, I qualify as younger, being 63, and fortunately, awaking every morning with a hard erection, and unfortunately, without a live-in female companion. (I periodically take Levitra, which has had the pleasant side-effect of making me thicker.) I have to believe that I am not the only guy who has an interest in "older" women.& Perhaps mine is rooted in an experience when I was about 12 years old and, unfortunately, my hormones had not yet kicked in.& My widowed grandmother called to me while she was taking a bath.& I entered and she asked me to scrub her back.& I did so and was able to observe the side of one of her pendulous breasts.& It did not occur to me to try to do anything more than what she asked.& I should add that when I spent the night I usually slept in her bed. I often wonder even now what opportunity I might have missed to be "educated" by an older woman. I have considered visiting senior centers in the hope of finding an older women who would like companionship.& You might try doing the same to find a younger fellow for your wife.& While probably most women are "bi-curious" I wonder if your wife might consider it to be somewhat late in life to try even if she had been curious earlier. Have you discussed any of this with her?& You are to be commended for being such a loving and understanding husband.& & | 2009-01-25 07:42:13 |
| 931 | 6464 | Frankie24 At last the elderly person brave enough to talk about& their sex drive. Why do the young think the desire for sex and a good orgasm disappears after 50. I'm turn 80 and my darling wife is in her mid 70s We all our life until our late 60s enjoyed very active sex life. Right from our early& marriage& my wife stated she wanted more from our in relationship than her just lying back and think of England. Hence we did many of things discuss on this website, like mutual masturbation we found the clitoris very early on and we indulged in oral sex. We did have children but we also enjoyed our sex. My wife libido is strong The problem is since reaching the 80s& I find more difficult to move and once in bed& difficult to even turn over whilst the desire is still there the mobility is not. I sure my wife misses mutual masturbation as& when she thinks I'm asleep she quietly masturabates and some afternoons when I'm on the computer& I can hear the vibrator in the next room an sometimes her& orgasmic sounds. Are there any positions or suggestions that would enable my to again enjoy mutual sex & | 2009-01-27 07:57:58 |
| 931 | 6519 | Thank you to all who have contributed to this thread. I consider all of you under 60 years as young, but then your "active" age has very little to do with the accumulation of years. It does, however, have much to do with personal acceptance of yourself, and the rejection of those feelings of guilt that was inculcated with virtually any discussion about sex. Approaching 83 years of age, my mind remains intensely interested in sex, although my diminishing hormone output, due to health issues, confines me to dreaming. But I remain committed to my lovely wife, whose sex drive remains strong, and with whom I can still have delightful times of intimacy. I can, for example, drive a dildo with some degree of satisfaction, while I am orally engaged with her nipple. I personally enjoy giving cunnilingus and the feeling that I am bestowing on her one of her favourite methods af achieving orgasm.& So I have no orgasm myself, but the post coital glow is shared equally between us. So, as I tried to point out in my earlier posts, with the strong drive that many elderly women retain, sex should not end with the loss of a partner. There are others who share the loneliness and the loss of intimacy. Perhaps, if they could only trust themselves and others, there are those with whom their twilight years could be enlightened.& | 2009-03-04 22:19:02 |
| 932 | 6118 | have u ever experienced threesome ????? what is& your opinion about it | 2008-09-22 12:47:07 |
| 932 | 6125 | I had a girlfriend once who wanted to experience a threesome. She had a female friend from her home town who was going to be visiting and decided that she would be the best choice for this. They knew each other, liked each other (as friends), and her friend did not live in the same town. So...she invited her over and we all went into the bedroom. Her friend says "Let's take off our clothes" and there we began. I was able to "experience" both of them and they would interact with each other as well - just the two of them and also when I was involved with one of them. It was great for me. My girlfriend enjoyed it, too, as it was her first (and maybe only) experience with another woman. I messed up a bit, though, after the three of us slept together for the night and then my girlfriend went to work the next morning I made love with her friend. My girlfriend was pretty mad though she said she knew it would probably happen after she left. But it was wrong of me. In short, it can be wonderful and it can be complicated. If you are thinking of this please talk it out thoroughly and what you will do if someone's feelings are hurt, someone get angry, etc. | 2008-09-24 04:32:40 |
| 932 | 6126 | threesomes, either mmf or mff are very complicated. more to it than just the sex. a lot of feelings are involved and it doesn't take a lot for things to go wrong. it takes a special person (or persons) to say 'sure, that sounds like fun. let's try it' and to then follow through without a big lot of planning and discussion. be careful! make sure that all three are ok with it and not just talking the talk. | 2008-09-24 22:20:16 |
| 932 | 6127 | I've been involved in a couple threesomes, mmf, though I'm not bi. As others say, there are complex emotional issues as play, and not all of them good. Most people are too jealous or insecure to live with the results of these experiences. Sometimes the motives of those involved aren't healthy. Others respond badly when their partner "enjoys it too much." As the one experience here reflects, sometimes one partner has a narrow expectation of what is appropriate, and you wont know when you have crossed a line until after the fact. Brad | 2008-09-25 13:06:34 |
| 932 | 6144 | i had two threesomes, both ffm. In both occasions, the other woman was my friend and none of us had deep emotions for the man,& so it had no negativ side effects.& In the second, i felt sexually attracted to the woman (although i consider myself as heterosexual). It was exciting and i don't regret it, but since there were no emotions involved, it didn't touch me as deeply as sex with a loved partner. Since i like to watch gay porn, it came to my mind that i could like a mmf... | 2008-10-08 13:35:07 |
| 932 | 6146 | Well I can tell about a 3some mmf and I enjoyed it maybe because I felt all the attention focused on my needs and desires and I experienced terrific orgasms; the males enjoyed a brief encounter(mostly touching and oral )& while I rested and there wasn't any comments, positive or negative afterwards. | 2008-10-08 18:28:51 |
| 932 | 6147 | i would like to know if in the above mentioned threesomes, if the three were friends or if they knew each other, were close friends or were strangers. all friends? all strangers? some part of it a stranger or strangers? | 2008-10-08 22:05:26 |
| 932 | 6149 | ok, i will go more into details: on the first occasion, the man claimed to be in love with me, but couldn't& keep his hands of any girl he met, and once i visited him together with a friend of mine, and when i came out of the bathroom, he was kissing her...and so it started. We continued this "game" for several months, going out together and shocking people... for the second one, i was going out with a colleague and we picked up a guy. We were all quite drunk. | 2008-10-09 12:23:18 |
| 932 | 6157 | i've often thought of getting into a three way, but am having trouble with the part of doing so with friends or strangers. i can see benefits and problems from both situations. i've been to one where it was a married couple (both were strangers to me) and me, a second male. the act itself seemed to bother the wife a little, but not the husband in the least. is this normal? as far as friends, i can't think of any of my friends that i would feel comfortable with or COULD do it with as far as that goes. | 2008-10-10 21:13:20 |
| 932 | 6967 | I fantasize about a threesome with me, my wife and another woman quite a bit. In fact, I think about it quite a bit during sex with my wife, which feels better to me than fantasizing that my wife is someone else during sex. Often the idea that another woman is in the bed watching us and getting off on that is enough of a fantasy for me. Two problems with this: we've talked about this sort of thing enough so that I think she knows that I have this fantasy, but she's rather not discuss it, as we've only been married about 2 years and I think she is a bit threatened by the idea that I could fantasize about other women and still be attracted to her. She knows I do it but I think she'd rather not be reminded of it during sex. Therefore I don't share this fantasy with her at the time, even though I'd like to be able to. The second issue is that I'm positive that she's never want to have a threesome in real life. I'm pretty sure that even after 20 or 30 years of marriage, when she has much more stability and trust in the marriage, she still wouldn't do it. Luckily for me, I'm pretty secure in the feeling that, for me, the idea of it is probably better than the real thing would be. As a fantasy, it's much less complicated emotionally, health-wise, etc. Any thoughts are appreciated! | 2010-01-02 05:34:27 |
| 932 | 6970 | I agree that the fantasy is probably much better than the reality, in things like this.& Keep enjoying the fantasy as long as it works for you... at least you have something that works for you! I like to think of myself grinding with another woman, while I'm having intercourse with my guy.& I also like to play with his nipples and pretend it's a woman's beautiful round bare breast with a hard nipple.& These things turn me on and they really "work" for me - they enable me to have a very satisfying orgasm.& Yet I do not believe I would ever be able to actually do anything in reality with another female.& So I enjoy my fantasies as much as I can! | 2010-01-04 17:00:52 |
| 933 | 6135 | Why do women wear black underwear knickers and bra in particular? | 2008-10-04 11:44:05 |
| 933 | 6136 | [user=57]Lightouch[/user] wrote: "Why do women wear black underwear knickers and bra in particular?" If this is a serious question, the most serious answer I can offer is: It must be the same reason I wear my pink or red or white or my skimpy purple ones with lavender lace on any given day. Things I consider are... Look, feel, comfort, mood I'm in, mood it inspires in me, mood I think it will inspire in my partner. The color black seems to imply sexiness, as it passes on down thru the years. Everything is a personal perception. Why do you think Women wear black underwear & knickers & bra in particular, Lighttouch? Call me a control freak, but I like it when a poster on here asks a question, but gives their opinion too. Gives me a little more to chew on... Do you like it? Not like it? Why to either? | 2008-10-05 11:17:27 |
| 933 | 6139 | Women also often wear specific colored underwear to match with whatever they are wearing on top, simply so it will match.& Or sometimes so it doesn't match and becomes obvious like a black bra under a tight white shirt *shrug* | 2008-10-05 17:37:37 |
| 933 | 6140 | I find it very sexy | 2008-10-06 05:54:27 |
| 933 | 6143 | [user=57]Lightouch[/user] wrote: "I find it very sexy" And why do you find it very sexy? | 2008-10-07 10:47:14 |
| 933 | 6195 | Black is sleek... it makes you seem sleek and it goes with anything... especially when your not wearing anything else! :D& ♥♥♥ Plus its her opinion! ♥♥♥Kay | 2008-11-03 22:40:23 |
| 933 | 6263 | I usually wear black underwear when I wear black pants. I keep getting my pants caught on things at work and ripping them. No one can tell if my underwear matches. | 2008-11-20 03:36:56 |
| 934 | 6141 | I think I have a thick hymen I tried to stretch it with my fingers& it's near a year now and I still can't insert more than one finger I know I have stretched it a little bit since I couldn't insert my finger at first I want to know if it's possible that some part of my hymen is thicker than the rest and can I still stretch a thick hymen or do I have to simply remove it? | 2008-10-06 09:30:30 |
| 934 | 6142 | Hi, You need to look at your hymen to determine if it is the cause for the restriction or if it is your pelvic muscles. While it can be challenging to do so, you can use a mirror to examine your hymen, as it is located at the opening to your vagina, not inside your vagina. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/hymen.htm www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/loc_vag.htm If there was a weak point it should already be stretching or tearing at that point. You may also need to find a suitable object to insert, as your fingers are rather blunt. You need something that is more tapered in shape. You may also need to use additional lubrication. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_7/qa7_4.htm Brad | 2008-10-06 11:42:13 |
| 934 | 6161 | Wow thanks brad that helped me because I had was wondering what it was too | 2008-10-12 05:05:31 |
| 934 | 6164 | thanks brad but I have read most of the stuff on the site before .I looked with a mirror a lot of times and I'm pretty sure it's my hymen preventing bigger things.and inserting anything other than my finger makes me scared and I can't relax enough.So can thick hymens be strechted as well (I'm not in a hurry)? | 2008-10-12 12:44:54 |
| 934 | 6165 | Hi Lucy, as far as I know the hymen can be either stretched or removed almost without any pain. In sex reasignment surgery they create a vagina with leftover skin and stretch it little by little by inserting plastic cilinders like dildoes, you can ask your gino or look in the internet under "sex reasignment" good luck luisa | 2008-10-12 13:40:51 |
| 934 | 6168 | [user=19]luisa1[/user] wrote: "Hi Lucy, as far as I know the hymen can be either stretched or removed almost without any pain. In sex reasignment surgery they create a vagina with leftover skin and stretch it little by little by inserting plastic cilinders like dildoes, you can ask your gino or look in the internet under "sex reasignment" good luck luisa "thank you for your response. | 2008-10-13 09:26:36 |
| 937 | 6155 | have you ever finished without either of you orgasm?is it more Common for a man to have an orgasm& to indicate the end. | 2008-10-10 14:08:19 |
| 937 | 6160 | [user=12845]lucy[/user] wrote: "have you ever finished without either of you orgasm?is it more Common for a man to have an orgasm to indicate the end.[/quote I don't think you will find many, that will answer "no" to your first question... As to "is it more common"? Only if it is common in your current relationship. It may not be common in the next. To some men I have had the joy to experience, orgasm didn't indicate the end of anything, but just the beginning of many hours of fun & more erections & more orgasms... Maybe I don't understand your question. Why do you ask? | 2008-10-11 22:24:28 |
| 937 | 6162 | In my current relationship, it has been more common for my wife to have an orgasm and me not to than the other way around. (She experiences pain during intercourse so we cannot do that for very long. I always get her off orally but I don't always cum from her giving oral or a hand job. Sometimes we will lay together and talk afterwards. Sometimes we will take a nap together. Or sometimes we'll go take a walk. | 2008-10-12 06:17:42 |
| 937 | 6163 | I'm a virgin I have never done anything sexual with a man and I have no idea of sex between two people I've seen porn and it always finishes when the man comes so I was just wondering how much of it is real I'm also living in a country that talking about sex is not common | 2008-10-12 12:38:45 |
| 937 | 6180 | "it always finishes when the man comes so I was just wondering how much of it is real I'm also living in a country that talking about sex is not common" & According to my observation in my society, it seems the case. After orgasm men's glans usually too sensitive to rub, so they want to quit, but this is not a problem that cannot be solved,& if people can learn& sufficient& correct knowledge about sex. | 2008-10-22 08:50:39 |
| 937 | 6182 | ;]& I actually find that my ability to remain erect and to continue making love isn't based on the level of sensitivity all that much, but more on whether my partner seems interested in continuing. If she is still able to continue and not feeling let down because I have orgasmed, I am normally able to maintain my erection and work past the sensitivity by continuing slowly. On the other hand, if she is satisfied or disappointed either one, I am unable to continue as& I will notice the sensitivity more accutely and lose my erection. | 2008-10-23 23:16:57 |
| 940 | 6185 | www.orgasmicbirth.com/ | 2008-10-29 19:01:23 |
| 941 | 6196 | Hi everyone, this is my first post here, but I've been reading the boards for a week or so. I hope you're all used to relatively long-winded first posts by now, because I fear this may be one of them.:D First, some background information: I am a female college student in my early 20s, I'm a virgin, and I've never had a boyfriend. I've only kissed someone once and I hated it.& I don't have any reservations at all& about sex (I was never taught it was gross or dirty), but I've never felt sexual attraction to another person. I know I'm not gay (not that it would bother me if I was), as I am aroused by men in porn for example& while women have the opposite effect on me. For the sake of simplicity, like when guys are hitting on me all the time,& I usually describe myself as "asexual", even though I masturbate and orgasm at least once a day. I was reading some articles on this site and I sort of had an "Ah-ha!" moment when I read the following text on [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_6.htm#4]this page: "Some women do not experience primary sexual desire that motivates them to seek out sexual experiences but rather secondary sexual desire that results from sexual activities they participate in... Once the sexual activity and stimulation commences their sexual arousal results in a desire for more sexual activity and increased arousal and orgasm. Their responsiveness to sexual stimulation may be an indication of their sexual desire at the time." I think this is my problem. Reading on here it seems like most people have a "hunger" for sex that increases the longer they go without orgasm, but I don't have that feeling at all. I do masturbate on a daily basis, but it is exactly as described in the above text - before I actually start doing it, I am not the slightest bit horny. I only do it because orgasms are best feeling in the world, not because I have some sort of instinctive craving/hunger for sex.& For example, when I am travelling with someone and don't have the opportunity to masturbate for a week or two,& there is still absolutely& no urge that makes me want to engage in sexual activity. I really want to change that.:(& I hate having to go "from 0 to 60" every single time, because it takes a long time for me just reach the "plateau phase" of arousal - we're talking anywhere from 30-50 or more& minutes of constant visual and genital stimulation each time. I wish I had the slightest bit of desire to give me a head start, because after so much stimulation (especially if I masturbate more than once in a single day) my clitoris tends to get sore. It takes so long just to produce enough lubrication& to rub myself with that for the first half& hour or so I just use my spit (is that bad?).& On the plus side, once I am finally& adequately aroused, I generally have no problem acheiving an& orgasm (or two). I've masturbated for most of my life (mostly out of habit), but I never orgasmed until back in May when something mysteriously happened that allowed me to experience this pure euphoria& I had always heard so much about (actually, I experienced it about five or six times that day :D). The next few days were heavenly - I actually had a sex drive. If I saw a good-looking guy anywhere& I would start getting wet and horny, and it felt great! I remember the day after I first learned to orgasm I went to a small get-together at one of my friend's houses, I was sitting on a chair, and I almost had an orgasm just from watching one of the guys play video games! I seriously had to look away and distract myself to prevent it! I was afraid other people were going to notice how heavily I was breathing, but I think I got away with it, LOL. After a few days, though, that feeling diminished and ever since then I've been back at square one (only with the ability to orgasm though). What I think happened is that first learning to orgasm and then having about five orgasms that first day somehow& caused a& huge spike in my testosterone levels, because I had all the other signs that would go with it - I had a major acne outbreak on my face, started driving more aggressively than usual, and my menstrual cycle was sort of messed up that month. As my hormone levels returned to their pre-orgasmic levels, that wonderful sex drive completely disappeared, and I miss it. After that experience I did lots and lots of thinking, and started wondering if I have low testosterone levels, which would explain my nonexistent sex drive. It makes sense to me... I never had bad acne even as a teenager, and my clitoris is also really small - small enough that for years I was actually thinking that the wrong thing was my clitoris. I haven't actually measured it, but I think it would be somewhere around the border of "small" and "normal" in [url=www.the-clitoris.com/x/anatomy/clits1.jpg]this illustration. The only problem is that since I am so young no medical professional will even consider the possibility that I might have hormonal issues... A few months ago I went to a gynecologist because I was having strange pains in my uterus, and she didn't know what was causing it so she just told me to start taking the pill. I had already taken hormonal birth control in years past, and while it did help with my cramps slightly, the side effects (headaches, moodswings, weight gain, etc) just weren't worth it. I told her I would prefer not to take hormonal birth control, because it lowers testosterone levels and sex drive, and her response was something like "You're not in a relationship, why would that matter?". I was telling her that I thought I might already& have low testosterone levels, and she quickly dismissed that idea by telling me that I was too young to have anything wrong with my hormones and started urging me to go back on birth control (I refused again). I hate how doctors just& hand out hormonal birth control like Halloween candy! So, yeah, now I'm on here because my frustration with my sexuality (or lack thereof) has started getting the better of me again. My feelings were "dormant" for the past few months, but now my lack of sex drive is starting to bother me again. I would do almost anything to feel the way I did after I learned to orgasm, and I get jealous when I read/hear about people (male or female)& having normal& sex drives and actually feeling attracted to other people. What can I do about this? All the doctors I've talked about this problem just dismiss it by saying I'm too young to have problems or I'm just not "mature" yet (what is that supposed to mean?). Should I talk to a psychiatrist about my problems? What if by some miracle I do manage to get my hormone levels tested, and they all come back in the "normal range"? Am I destined to live my entire life without a sex drive?:( Thanks in advance for any information/advice, and congratulations to anyone who actually read this whole post, hahaha. & | 2008-11-04 05:03:45 |
| 941 | 6199 | Also, I'm wondering if it's possible& my past use of prescribed medications have negatively& affected my sex drive permanently... I took various SSRIs (for anxiety and depression)& basically from the time I was in middle school up through my first year of college, which would be from ages 12/13 to 19. I was also prescribed hormonal birth control from ages 15-19, as treatment for extremely painful periods. I know both of these types of medications are libido-killers, and I'm wondering that since I was on them for several& years at such a young age, if they could have permanently altered something while my body was (presumably) still developing. I hit puberty when I was a 11 and have basically been the same height since sixth grade, but would I have still been maturing during the time I was on those medications? Have any scientific studies been carried out on the potential long-term sexual effects of SSRIs or hormonal birth control on adolescents? If not, why do they prescribe these medications for such young people? All the studies I have seen on the subject have been on older adult patients. :( | 2008-11-04 19:42:41 |
| 941 | 6201 | Hey Charina, I am so glad that there is someone in the world having similar feelings like mine ... honestly I even fall asleep sometimes while masturbating in the evenings. Okay it is a fine way to fall asleep - but as I recently learned what happens if it comes to a good end (better than I could have imagined ever before :P) I hate to be so "unaroused" when I start it ... the only exception is: Sometimes I have "sexual" dreams at night, & waking up still in some kind of "plateau" ready to start it all over again... ;)what makes it more difficult for me is that I don´t even get aroused by pictures or by imagination of people making love or of anotherone making love to me - I am selfish enough just to masturbate for myself and the only thing that makes me aroused is the anticipation of the good feelings that are waiting for me when I do it... kinda selfish, isnt it? The idea that some guy will put his privates into my body is still annoying to me - okay I am age 13 now so I guess that´s something that might change when I get older ... but still there is the question: Why do some girls have orgasm in 3-5 minutes and others in 30-50??? That´s not fair!!! >:) | 2008-11-04 22:48:37 |
| 941 | 6202 | Hi, The information linked to below is relevant to this discussion. www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/health.htm#pill www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/qa_37.htm#5 www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/health.htm#anti1 Brad | 2008-11-04 23:33:08 |
| 941 | 6203 | Yeah, it does seem like we are in pretty similar situations. :)& Do you take or have you taken prescribed medications that are known to have a negative effect on sex drive? SSRIs and birth control are a couple, but I think meds for other problems like hypothyroidism or diabetes can& also cause a decreased libido. I'm so frustrated about having to spend at least 30 minutes working past a completely dry vagina every night, and I'm so envious of women (and men) who are just ready to go instantly and can orgasm in under 10 minutes of stimulation, or people who can orgasm just from their thoughts alone. Although, I do recognize that some anorgasmic women might be envious of someone like me because at least I can actually have orgasms, even if it takes forever. I know what you mean about being annoyed about the thought of having sex with someone... In my current state, the very thought of me having sex even with someone who would be considered "attractive" to others is completely off-putting. I think I may be a bit worse off than you, though - in addition to being older, I also have to admit I've never had a single sexual dream in my life. | 2008-11-04 23:46:09 |
| 941 | 6204 | Oops, thanks for the reply, Brad! I'll definitely read through all those links. Do you have any suggestions for how to get a doctor to take my problem seriously? So far I've talked to three -& my GP, a gynecologist, and a psychiatrist - and all of them immediately dismissed my issues by just saying I was too young to have have anything wrong with me. I know this situation isn't normal. And I know it doesn't have to be this way, after I experienced those few wonderful days were I actually felt like I'm supposed to. I'm the only woman in& her 20s I know who has never been in any sort of relationship and doesn't (currently) have any desire to be in a relationship. | 2008-11-04 23:51:27 |
| 941 | 6205 | The more I read on the subject, the more discouraged I get and the angrier I feel about being given so many& medications at that age. :( | 2008-11-05 03:44:56 |
| 941 | 6210 | When they make these types of comments, ask them how much formal training they have had in female sexuality. Most doctors have little to no training on the subject. It isn't generally taught in medical school. The reality is that they and we know very little about female sexuality. Beyond that, you need to do your own research to find medical literature that supports your claim, and then present it to your doctors. That said, even if you get them to run the tests, and they have to be the right tests, you still may not be able to get treatment. The reason being, no reliable results have been found when it comes to treating female dissatisfaction. In the past, doctors have prescribed testosterone to treat decreased desire, but prescribed dosages intended for men, not women. While the women may have experienced increased desire they also experienced undesired side affects. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/androgens.htm www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/andro_ab.htm I know some women in their twenties who were equally frustrated with their horniness. Horniness may gain you nothing if you don't have a partner to fulfill your needs. I too am concerned they are prescribing these medications to girls and young women. The problem is, they don't have any other options. The parents and girls want an instantaneous solution. Birth control pills and antidepressants have become the placebo of choice when treating many emotional and reproductive issues; a recent news headline said 40% of family physicians prescribe actual placebos. When they originally developed these antidepressant and birth control medications they weren't concerned with sexual side effects, but with treating the illness or preventing conception. Brad | 2008-11-05 10:31:30 |
| 941 | 6212 | Alexa...don't think you're "selfish", sex is a very personal event in our lifes and my opinion is that we don't "have" to do or feel as Jane Doe. What you're doing is terrific, you are pleasing yourself and if you find somebody exciting and arousing do it together. Masturbating before going to bed is relaxing and don't need sleeping pills& lol, having an orgasm during labor is very helpful, before going to school or work is terrific but by any means you have to have a "convulsing orgasm" every time you masturbate. Congratulattions on your way of thinking, very mature& & Luisa | 2008-11-05 12:42:34 |
| 941 | 6213 | [user=19]luisa1[/user] wrote: "Alexa...don't think you're "selfish", sex is a very personal event in our lifes and my opinion is that we don't "have" to do or feel as Jane Doe. What you're doing is terrific, you are pleasing yourself and if you find somebody exciting and arousing do it together. Masturbating before going to bed is relaxing and don't need sleeping pills& lol, having an orgasm during labor is very helpful, before going to school or work is terrific but by any means you have to have a "convulsing orgasm" every time you masturbate. Congratulattions on your way of thinking, very mature& & Luisa " Thank you Luisa... one question ... what is the reason you think of why do I HAVE TO HAVE a "convulsing orgasm" (whatever it is, compared to a normal orgasm or just happily falling asleep before it comes to an orgy...)??? | 2008-11-05 15:01:36 |
| 941 | 6214 | SORRY.... thousand apologies it was a typo..what I wanted to convey is the opposite...we don't have to have a convulsing orgasm to be fulfilled, sometimes we need the comforting feeling of arousal, that's it& SORRY AGAIN GETTING RUSTY lol& luisa | 2008-11-05 15:16:02 |
| 941 | 6215 | Ooooooooooooooookaaaaaaaay, you really got me in trouble by just forgetting the NOT ... but don´t mind - getting RUSTY is a good proof that there´s MOISTURE in your life :P so let´s get RUSTY all together :D & | 2008-11-05 16:06:37 |
| 941 | 6216 | Alexa don't forget to checkk your private mail& & luisa | 2008-11-05 19:11:04 |
| 941 | 6217 | I didn't read the links Brad provided, but in response to the effects of long term medication, yes, sometimes anti-depressants and hormonal birth control can have prolonged effects and side-effects well after you stop taking them.& As for whether or not they are permanent, I don't think the research is anywhere close to conclusive on that. My first inclination was the ask about your weight or use of anti-depressants, as both of these are known to impact normal hormonal levels (or in the case of weight, sometimes to be a symptom of things like thyroid problems). I see that you live in California.& As modern as this state is supposed to be, a lot of small-to-mid-size town doctors are pretty worthless.& My family and I live in the San Joaquin Valley, and every single one of us has had problems with serious misdiagnosis at some point or another.& If you live in southern California, the Sacramento area, or the Bay Area, you should have access to a good medical school (you may attend one of these as a student).& If you're concerned about hormonal issues, a GP and a gynecologist are not really specialized for those areas, nor would be a psychologist.& If you do have access to a medical school, try finding an endocrinologist, or possibly someone who specializes in hormonal impact on sexual behavior research. If it's not hormonal, you may have a unique sex drive.& I don't think it's necessarily a problem if you don't have a sex drive when you're not in a relationship.& As a young virgin who's never had a relationship, you honestly haven't had a robust enough set of experiences to say one way or another if you've got a problem.& I think many people, particularly women, have perfectly normal sex drives under certain circumstances.& Many women don't respond at all to physical attraction, but may respond strongly to emotional or psychological stimuli.& In the right relationship you might find that you have a very strong sex drive that stems from the emotional bond rather than the primal physical aspect. You seem well spoken, patient, and analytical, so I'm going to assume you're a pretty intelligent person. I know this seems elitist and/or arrogant, but intelligent people frankly seem to have more sophisticated (or perhaps nuanced) tastes in relationships than your average Joe.& I know that isn't the case 100% of the time, but in my experience I've found it to be the case often enough.& Perhaps you'll find when you meet someone that challenges you in the right way that you've worried for nothing.& Personally, I'm not in the same situation as you in terms of basic sex drive. I do respond to attractive women when I see them (regardless of their state of dress), but I've still found that the degree to which I'm attracted to a woman is generally magnified or diminished by certain character traits that don't directly have anything to do with sexuality for most people.& For example, a pretty girl who speaks intensely about politics would appear much more attractive to me than an identical girl who talks about how wasted she got last weekend at the bar (and an otherwise gorgeous woman with a cigarette in her hand doesn't move me at all).& You might find you're in a similar situation, except that you don't respond on the physical level at all.& I don't have numbers to back it up, but I believe from anecdotal information that this is much more common in women than in men. Just some things to think about. (And yes, we're not new to long posts here.& Frankly, they make for more interesting reading.) | 2008-11-05 21:39:34 |
| 941 | 6227 | Wow, thanks everyone for the helpful replies! Brad: Bringing in some medical articles is a good idea... When I have my next physical I will have to try that and ask for some recommendations. About having a partner, I agree that being super-horny all the time and not having a sexual partner might not gain me anything, it's just that right now the thought of having a partner is completely unappealing to me right now, no matter who it is. What happened back in May was sort of the opposite extreme, where I felt attraction to a lot of the guys I saw, and I think ideally I would like to have a desire somewhere in between, what would be regarded as "normal" for a woman my age. While I don't have any desire to be in a relationship right now, I'm definitely extremely curious about what it's like to experience that sort of desire. I feel so "left out", sort of like I did before I learned to orgasm, and it's disheartening when I think about how none of the medical professionals will take my problem seriously, while if I was a male and had concerns about my sexual desire they would be all over it immediately. dfs3: I'm in the Bay Area, so it shouldn't be impossible to eventually find a worthwhile doctor... I'm sorry to hear about your misdiagnosis experiences - that must have been extremely frustrating. I'm pretty sure my weight isn't affecting my sexual desire, as I have a normal BMI of about 22. I do agree that women are more likely to have higher sex drives under specific circumstances (like having a parter they love), but something just doesn't feel right to be aversive to the idea of having a partner all the time. Feeling like this, I just don't see how I could ever experience attraction to& someone - several times I've had guys that other girls would go crazy for tell me that they like me, and I just can't help but feel kind of disgusted. I hope my problem is just that I'm picky, and that under perfect conditions I might just be able to feel sexually attracted to someone, but so& far I haven't had any indications that might be the case. It would be nice if when I go to grad school I'm suddenly attracted to guys there, and that all those years prior I just hadn't met the "right one". Even if that's the case, though, I would probably still be put-off about being in a relationship, simply because it's something I had never experienced before. I will have had no "practice" whatsoever and would have no idea what to do, not to mention that (even though I'm a woman) it would be extremely embarassing to admit not only that I was a virgin, but that I had never even had a boyfriend (unless guys would find that hot, I don't know :P). | 2008-11-06 15:55:57 |
| 941 | 6228 | Related article on CNN: www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/11/06/healthmag.testosterone.patch.sex/index.html Related Q&A about virginity: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_20.htm#9 Brad | 2008-11-06 17:25:22 |
| 941 | 6240 | [user=13710]Charina[/user] wrote: "dfs3: I'm in the Bay Area, so it shouldn't be impossible to eventually find a worthwhile doctor... I'm sorry to hear about your misdiagnosis experiences - that must have been extremely frustrating. I'm pretty sure my weight isn't affecting my sexual desire, as I have a normal BMI of about 22. I do agree that women are more likely to have higher sex drives under specific circumstances (like having a parter they love), but something just doesn't feel right to be aversive to the idea of having a partner all the time. Feeling like this, I just don't see how I could ever experience attraction to& someone - several times I've had guys that other girls would go crazy for tell me that they like me, and I just can't help but feel kind of disgusted""I hope my problem is just that I'm picky, and that under perfect conditions I might just be able to feel sexually attracted to someone, but so& far I haven't had any indications that might be the case. It would be nice if when I go to grad school I'm suddenly attracted to guys there, and that all those years prior I just hadn't met the "right one". Even if that's the case, though, I would probably still be put-off about being in a relationship, simply because it's something I had never experienced before. I will have had no "practice" whatsoever and would have no idea what to do, not to mention that (even though I'm a woman) it would be extremely embarassing to admit not only that I was a virgin, but that I had never even had a boyfriend (unless guys would find that hot, I don't know :P). " Well, have you asked yourself why you're disgusted?& What are your criteria for "guys that other girls would go crazy for"?& Holding yourself to others as a standard is not often a good idea.& What turns others on may not turn you on at all, and in that respect I never like it when people talk about being "normal".& Perhaps you're apathetic because you don't know what you like and you don't know where to look to find out. You also mention a fear of being put off about the prospect of starting a relationship due to your lack of experience.& & It's possible this fear is imposing itself on your libido or sense of attraction.& A lot of people suppress their fears, low self esteem, or whatever specific personal problems they may have with themselves by externalizing onto the potential objects of their affection to protect themselves from the threat of having to expose those flaws to another person. You obviously know you can be aroused by men, because you've watched porn and experienced the arousal.& You also do have a sex drive, although you may not see it as such.& You masturbate daily, correct?& You enjoy the sensation and try to experience it frequently.& It's not a primal instinct, but it's still a drive. Perhaps you're not disgusted by the idea of a relationship, but instead you're disgusted by the idea of a "normal" relationship that follows the outline of the people around you.& I don't think there's anything wrong or worrying about wanting something different from those that surround you, but I may be biased since I'm basically the same way.& I see pretty girls often, see other guys flirting with them, and basically just roll my eyes.& I've never been comfortable with the idea of approaching a girl just because she's pretty; it always seemed tacky to me (as if anyone ever really knows why someone strikes up a conversation).& It doesn't really do me any good, because where I live, there's no place I can go to socialize around any point of interest except alcohol and physicality, but it is what it is.& It's kept me single for longer than I like to say at this point :D As for the lack of experience, that is (like all things in the realm of attraction) entirely dependent on the guy in question.& Some guys find innocence and/or virginity attractive, others don't.& The central fact of the matter is that if a guy's primary concern is whether or not you're a virgin, he doesn't have enough interest in you as a whole person for you to be worried his reaction anyway.& In my mind, both sides of the coin have positives and negatives. | 2008-11-08 02:15:52 |
| 944 | 6221 | Hi I would like to know if anyone else fantasizes about tribadism.& Rubbing yourself against your partner's body, any part of their body, clothed or unclothed.& I think about humping a girl's leg while she humps mine.& That really gets my clit pumping! one time we were in a cave and when the ranger turned off the lights for 5 minutes& to demonstrate total darkness, this friend of my niece's started kind of pressing her crotch into my hand and then my butt.& We were standing up, she behind me.& She was about 13-14 and I was 28.& Oh my it super turned me on!!!!!& I never said anything to her after it but I knew that she knew that I kind of pushed back into her while she was frotting me! She turned out straight, and I was already married, so I don't think it was a lesbian thing, just a pleasure thing.& And boy, was it ever!!!!! :-X | 2008-11-06 14:22:04 |
| 944 | 6235 | [user=13678]Mysecret[/user] wrote: "one time we were in a cave and when the ranger turned off the lights for 5 minutes& to demonstrate total darkness, this friend of my niece's started kind of pressing her crotch into my hand and then my butt.& We were standing up, she behind me.& She was about 13-14 and I was 28.& Oh my it super turned me on!!!!!& I never said anything to her after it but I knew that she knew that I kind of pushed back into her while she was frotting me! :-X " ... is it a fantasy or did that really happen?? Now you got me ... never fantasied about girl-girl before, but reading that lovely& story& did "turn out to turn me on" lol& ... but I still hope to "turn out" straight in the end :D& (never& been in& love so still don´t& know exactly...hehe...but as I´d like to have family one day being straigt& may be& the easier way of life...and lazy as I am ... why making things more difficult than necessary...:P)& | 2008-11-08 01:24:45 |
| 944 | 6243 | It really happened.& I'm not good at thinking up fantasies. It still turns me on when I think about it from time to time.& Glad it turned out to turn you on!!!!! | 2008-11-08 02:57:47 |
| 945 | 6230 | Hi, hello. First post -- yaay. Been lurking for a few weeks. I have a question. Im 20 years old and still a virgin. I masturbate on a regular basis, but Iv never been able to bring myself to orgasm in any way other then direct clitoral stimulation. Im a bit worried that when I DO eventually have vaginal intercourse, that I wont be able to orgasm. Iv put fingers inside of me before, and while it feels a bit good sometimes, its never something I could get off on.& Iv tried to find my "G-spot" but I dont know, I havent felt anything. What can I do? Iv read that girls can be waay more orgasmic then just what Iv experianced, and experiance many different types of orgasm... is this something I need to discover with a partner? Or am I just never going to be able to "get it". Iv talked to people who& say that theyv been with girls who could orgasm on command... nothing but an order from& their partner& and they could just do it.& Also heard of orgasms that feel like.. waves going over a persons entire body... my orgasms are always felt just in and around my clitoris. Its never something full body. Am I missing something? How can I tap into this? | 2008-11-07 02:20:38 |
| 945 | 6231 | I'm a male now 50 years old. Before I married I had intercourse probably with around a dozen women. Since then, only my wife. I was never with a woman who could orgasm strictly from intercourse. Oral sex is highly reliable in that department. During intercourse each required some stimulation - her fingers, mine (though difficult), or a vibrator. i don't think this is unusual. I think it is much more uncommon to be able to actually orgasm from intercourse alone. | 2008-11-07 03:51:12 |
| 945 | 6232 | Hello Tember youre not alone... what you write is exactly my situation too - with the only difference that Im age 13 ... I dont think "orgasm on command" is anything more than an urban legend :P& ... but "convulsive orgasm" (like referred to by luisa1 in& another thread)& is something I definitely would like to feel some day (or better... some night :D) ... and honestly I don´t& like the Idea& I´ll probably have to wait for it for years until I luckily meet a partner :X... Africalex | 2008-11-08 00:52:05 |
| 945 | 6237 | Thanks for the replies... Alexagirl, I assure you, orgasming on command is not an urban legend!! If I could reach that I could reach full sexual satisfaction ;) Iv heard a lot of reports from very reliable sources... although I realise that as a random person on the internet, I am not such a reliable source to you. But I feel confidant in persuing the elusive command induced orgasm (a man who could have that much power and control over my orgasms would have me forever!) | 2008-11-08 01:35:10 |
| 945 | 6239 | Yes, orgasm on command is not a myth, but it is a pretty specialized case that would require a lot of special conditions to fall into place to make it possible. | 2008-11-08 01:39:33 |
| 945 | 6245 | speaking of those "special conditions" to make such a thing be possible, the context in which I have heard about it is always in lifestyle BDSM D/s relationships, the Dominant being able to illicit such control over the submissives orgasms. Being that I have never heard of any other sexual practises that promise such results, is there then a connection between the giving up of control to another person, and increased abilities to orgasm? Also as for my original question, I understand that clitoral orgasms are the most common, and that its not just a problem with me that I cant seem to figure out other forms.... but my delema is that I would really RATHER be able to experiance multiple different types of orgasms... I dont feel as though I have reached my full potential and I would like to... so, any advice? | 2008-11-08 15:46:42 |
| 945 | 6249 | [user=13752]Tember[/user] wrote: "speaking of those "special conditions" to make such a thing be possible, the context in which I have heard about it is always in lifestyle BDSM D/s relationships, the Dominant being able to illicit such control over the submissives orgasms. Being that I have never heard of any other sexual practises that promise such results, is there then a connection between the giving up of control to another person, and increased abilities to orgasm? " It depends entirely on the person.& If you mean is there a connection with being able to orgasm on command, then I think the obvious answer is yes.& At least, I think being turned on by being given orders would be necessary to orgasm on command, though that doesn't exactly imply giving up control.& Obviously for a person to get off on being submissive, there has to an opposite person who gets off on being dominant.& Each person has their own idiosyncrasies that enhance their sexual experience. "Also as for my original question, I understand that clitoral orgasms are the most common, and that its not just a problem with me that I cant seem to figure out other forms.... but my delema is that I would really RATHER be able to experiance multiple different types of orgasms... I dont feel as though I have reached my full potential and I would like to... so, any advice? " Well, orgasm isn't really well understood in terms of the pleasurable sensation.& We understand how the muscles contract, but sensation is essentially a subjective experience.& Really, is an orgasm something that happens in the body, or something that happens in the mind?& You can explore your sexuality further, but there's no list of steps you can follow to get a certain kind of orgasm. You can explore different kinds of physical stimulation to see if you can discover any different erogenous zones or different ways of stimulating the ones you know of.& You can also explore different kinds of fantasies, either in your head or with a partner, to see if you respond to different situations in a stronger fashion.& For some people, the right psychological stimulation can increase physical sensitivity. If you're looking for specific suggestions, I'm sure people can suggest some here, and you can also read through parts of this site for ideas (i.e. in the masturbation stories section), or try to find some in erotica/porn. | 2008-11-09 06:13:36 |
| 945 | 6252 | Hi Tember, as far as I know most woman can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation and not with intercourse alone - so don't worry!! You are still young an unexperienced, there so many things you can and will discover. Sexual intercourse with another person is different to masturbation (at least in my opinion). So, even of you don't feel much when you put your fingers into your vagina, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't feel anything if somebody else does it, and a penis agains feel different. So, my advise is to be patient, find the right partner and try it out!;) | 2008-11-09 14:19:36 |
| 945 | 6254 | You're so right Miss Doolitle but I want to add& ; as you say the vagina is no the most sensitive part of the genitals but don't forget your brain at the time of sex it is the best sex organ we have and we have read here from the& ladies that orgasm "on command" (using the brain). luisa | 2008-11-09 15:33:00 |
| 945 | 6262 | From another website Here are some surprising facts about women and oral sex& there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris?& More than on the head of a penis or any other part of the human body?& With something that sensitive, you better know what you’re doing before you go poking around, especially with your tongue.& 88% of married women say cunnilingus is their preferred form of sexual activity?& 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from cunnilingus, versus only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration?& only 60% of women say they enjoy vaginal sex at all?& only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm?& That’s over nine out of ten women who do experience an orgasm when their lover understands a woman’s body and how to drive it to new heights of ecstasy | 2008-11-15 02:50:22 |
| 945 | 6289 | I'm pretty much the opposite.& & I'm a g-spot gal, I suppose you could say.& My clitoris seems to be pretty much non-existant (too tiny to grasp when erect, and kind of lost), and I find external stimulation to be annoying more that pleasurable, except in the area just outside the vagina. So, when I masturbate, I just use a dildo and don't touch the outside of my body at all, because that just detracts from the experience.& Too much information, I'm sure!:D& & Just shows to go ya, we're all different.& & What you describe seems to be more the "norm", from what I can tell. | 2008-12-08 17:40:56 |
| 946 | 6251 | My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months. Though neither of us have ever engaged in actual sexual "intercourse"...we've& been fooling around with both manual and oral sex for a while. Though I'm the first person she's shared these experiences with, I have physically been intimate to that degree with about 5 other women before i met her. Anyways...my question is this Is it possible for a 17 year old woman to not have developed a clitoris, or at least one that is visible? Now don't think I'm an idiot, I know what a clitoris is. I know where it is...i know what it looks like. I have (without any doubt) given two of my previous "partners" clitoral orgasims when engaging in Cunnilingus. But for whatever reason, i just can't seems to find that sweet spot. I gave up on seeing in visually, even when the lights are on it just seems like that sweet pea-size organ of pleasure just isn't there. I've tried watching her while i do it, and though she does enjoy it (Who wouldn't?) I can't really get her to that next level. I want my girlfriend to enjoy this as much as possible, and she's slowly figured out the problem and though we discussed it briefly neither of us have any idea what to do to "fix" it. Am I an idiot? Is this possible? Would more stimulation help it swell? Ideas _Jason | 2008-11-09 12:11:58 |
| 946 | 6253 | I haven't heard of any cases of adult women not having a clitoris, unless it was removed sugically or as a result of female genital mutilation. Please see the information linked to below for advice on locating the clitoris: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_1/qa1_4.htm www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/loc_vag.htm Brad | 2008-11-09 15:22:45 |
| 947 | 6264 | [url=www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1859937,00.html] www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1859937,00.html By [url=javascript:void(0)]Laura Fitzpatrick Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2008 On the youth sex-education website [url=www.scarleteen.com/]Scarleteen.com, dozens of teenage girls can be found commiserating about their labia. "i REALLY h8 mine! They hang really REALLY low and r SO long!" reads one comment. Meanwhile, on MakeMeHeal.com, a consumer site that sells special bras and other gear for women recovering from plastic surgery, women of all ages submit photos of their nether regions and ask for feedback on whether they should get nipped and tucked down there. Welcome to the strange new world of female genital cosmetic surgery, where body insecurity issues are fueling a small but growing Western market for such procedures as labiaplasty, clitoral un-hooding, G-spot augmentation and hymen reconstruction, a.k.a. "revirginization." Appalled at the popularity of so-called designer vaginas, a grass-roots organization called the New View Campaign staged its first-ever protest on Monday outside New York City's Manhattan Center for Vaginal Surgery. Two dozen women — ranging in age from teenagers to, ahem, sexagenarians — handed out index cards and held up orange poster boards with the message "No Two Alike," while two members of the group donned giant cloth vulva costumes. New View, which was created in 2000 in response to the introduction of Viagra, is trying to fight what it calls "the medicalization of sex," the idea that there is a physical right and wrong when it comes to all things sexual. Says the group's leader Leonore Tiefer, a sexologist and psychologist at New York University: "Promoting a very narrow definition of what women's genitals ought to look like — even for those women who don't want surgery, it harms them." The number of women getting genital cosmetic surgery is still relatively small, with as few as 1,000 women in the U.S. going under the knife each year and 800 in the U.K. But the pace is accelerating: in the U.S., the number of women getting these procedures, which often cost upwards of $5,000 at clinics from Texas to Kansas to California, increased 20% from 2005 to 2006. In the U.K., the number of surgeries more than doubled between 2002 and 2007. And for the first time, a U.S. medical textbook on women's reproductive health to be published in 2009 will include a chapter devoted entirely to female genital plastic surgery. The media have been doing their part to get the word out too. Post-op patients regularly extol their newly improved sex lives in women's magazines. Dr. Robert Rey, star of E!'s Dr. 90210, is big on vaginoplasty, and this fall NBC's Lipstick Jungle featured an episode about G-spot enhancement (via collagen injection). Dr. Susan Kolb, a plastic surgeon in Atlanta who has noticed a 20% increase in demand for female genital plastic surgery every year since 2004, says for many of her patients, most of whom are professionals in their 20s and 30s, the surgery is about gaining control over their sexuality. "In my experience, it is a healing procedure," she says. Because long labia can cause pain during sex or exercise, labiaplasty is sometimes covered by insurance. Data on these procedures is scarce, but Dr. Michael Goodman, a gynecologist who has a private practice in Davis, Calif., is preparing to submit to peer-reviewed medical journals a study on female genital cosmetic surgery. He says the study — the first to include more than one surgical center, with more than 250 patients in seven states and Canada — will show that in follow-ups ranging from six months to 3 1/2 years after surgery, women are overwhelmingly happy with the results. "Virtually always, it has improved their sexual relationship," he says. But critics say the surgeries are more dangerous than the glossy advertising and glowing testimonials suggest. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued a committee opinion last year warning that women may experience scarring, chronic pain, obstetric risks or reduced sexual pleasure; a similar statement was issued in July by the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Which is why the New View Campaign — with the endorsement of dozens of sex educators, doctors and psychologists from around the world — is demanding new regulations that would require the Federal Trade Commission's consumer protection division to monitor the ads. At the Manhattan protest, New View members chanted "More research, less marketing." The group is also calling for a moratorium on the procedures until monitoring and guidelines are in place. In addition to the physical risks, critics cite the more insidious psychological ramifications, whether women get the surgery or not. "Before" and "after" photos that juxtapose normal, healthy bodies alongside surgically streamlined ones — readily available online — promote the impression that so-called aberrations are abnormal, when in reality genitals are as diverse as faces or fingerprints. The focus on a quick fix, which is epitomized by the search for a female Viagra, is an oversimplification that puts even more pressure on women's sex lives, says New View's Tiefer. And if research on another type of female plastic surgery is any indication, that post-op happiness may be short-lived. A 2007 study published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery found that 10 years after women get cosmetic breast implants, a disturbing trend emerges: they are nearly three times as likely to commit suicide as other women. With the even more intimate genital surgery, says Tiefer, the potential long-term consequences are troubling. "[Women] are projecting their anxiety about sexuality onto this one thing: 'If only I could get this fixed, then I would feel confident to be sexual,' " she says. "This is a complicated issue." The growing popularity of female genital cosmetic surgery could have troubling ramifications beyond the effects for individual patients. Broadly speaking, these surgeries may meet the World Health Organization's criteria for female genital mutilation as "procedures that intentionally alter or injure female genital organs for non-medical reasons." This kind of cosmetic surgery can interfere with advocates' ability to fight forced ritual mutilation in places like Africa, where the practice is still common, says Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of international women's rights watchdog Equality Now. Designer vaginas "are considered reasons for not throwing stones, so to speak, at other cultures," she says. Even in the U.S., by promoting a narrow definition of what is normal, the surgeries may discourage women from grappling with a morass of cultural and personal forces shaping their body image and sexual identity. After all, one of the most common reasons women cite in seeking the surgery, some doctors say, is a negative comment from a disgruntled sexual partner. By contrast, women in steady relationships, according to a study published in the December 2008 issue of Current Sexual Health Reports, are far more likely than their single peers to feel comfortable with their natural appearance below the belt — and that comfort translates into higher scores on six separate measures of satisfaction between the sheets. In other words, says the study's co-author, social worker Laura Berman, of Chicago's Northwestern Memorial Hospital, who has a PhD in sex education, the best way to start enjoying your body could be far simpler than surgery: "You may need a new boyfriend." | 2008-11-20 14:05:56 |
| 948 | 6266 | Do you moan when you masturbate? | 2008-11-22 11:21:54 |
| 949 | 6267 | How hard is the clitoris when it's in erection? | 2008-11-22 11:22:56 |
| 949 | 6268 | Hi "O" mine gets stiff enough to pinch it between two fingers or between& a partnner& lips.and yes I moan sometimes louder than others....luisa | 2008-11-22 13:13:56 |
| 949 | 6276 | "How hard is the clitoris when it's in erection?" Generally not as hard as erect penis, because it needs not penetration. | 2008-11-24 22:27:43 |
| 949 | 6277 | Depends on the clitoris and the degree of arousal of the woman to whom it is attached. | 2008-11-25 02:39:14 |
| 949 | 6287 | Mine dosnt get erect or hard& when Im aroused at all. | 2008-12-04 20:52:42 |
| 949 | 6329 | good. | 2009-01-01 08:15:22 |
| 949 | 6353 | Sometimes I feel like I have a giant boner because when aroused, my pussy feels SO good!& & But when I look,& my clit is so small it doesn't look erect, even when totally aroused! | 2009-01-06 14:30:18 |
| 949 | 6361 | Mine apparently isn't all that easy for men to find. Which is strange, cause I don't have any trouble at all! | 2009-01-07 17:49:34 |
| 949 | 6362 | I can't feel mine at all. It seems to be part of the clitoral hood with little distinction because when I've looked at it, opened the slit all the way up to the top, all there is is pink skin that is extremely sensitive to the touch, sometimes painfully so if touched directly. I have some kind of clitoris though because I orgasm from it, quite intensely I guess. | 2009-01-07 18:05:11 |
| 949 | 6386 | maybe you haven't found the right man to look for it yet.& lol | 2009-01-13 20:07:11 |
| 949 | 6701 | Hey, When I am arroused my clit definatly expands you can see it quite clearly peaking out between my lips and I can dammed well feeeli it between them, if I am walking etc. | 2009-07-16 10:16:08 |
| 950 | 6269 | Why do so many women fatasize about women when they masturbate?Why do so many women prefer lesbian porn ?Who can tell me why?I thought women must fatasize about men or watch men's penis when masturbate.Who know the reason?Are men less sexually attractive to women? | 2008-11-22 13:51:27 |
| 950 | 6270 | This subject is already being addressed: | 2008-11-22 21:54:50 |
| 951 | 6271 | Does female animal have a clitoris?Can it have orgasm? | 2008-11-24 15:51:41 |
| 951 | 6274 | You can watch Olivia Judson's "Dr Tatiana", many female animals have orgasms. To my knowledge placental female mammals all have clitorises. | 2008-11-24 22:09:12 |
| 951 | 6281 | The presence of the clitoris in a female animal - a rat, for example - does not mean the rat has an orgasm. The clitoris may serve another function. In most animal species, it seems that the female goes into estrus (heat) in order to be fertilized and bear young. The male gets to ejaculate - necessary from a biological standpoint. But the female remains in heat until pregnant or the season ends. An orgasm is not biologically necessary in a female animal. Therefore, it isn't as likely. | 2008-11-27 00:16:59 |
| 951 | 6282 | We should not think all animals are like humans. Successful ways of reproduction are not unique. As long as they successfully bequeath their genes,& any possible& reproductive method will get retained, including ones in which orgasm is unnecessary. Maybe& for cuttlefish males need not orgasm. & I see males send packets of sperm with hectocotylus into females' mantle cavities. It seems that the& males needn't move hectocotylus back and forth in order to rub it. (I'm not an& expert of this topic.& Someone else may know how exactly cuttlefish copulate.) | 2008-11-27 22:13:42 |
| 951 | 6283 | yedda.com/questions/animals_enjoy_intercourse_humans_5180127816841/ home.planet.nl/~gkorthof/korthof71.htm Read descriptions and reviews on following page: www.amazon.com/Case-Female-Orgasm-Science-Evolution/dp/0674017064 Much of the study into human sexual function involves experiments with rats. ajpregu.physiology.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/5/R1276? I believe the motive to have sex is hormonal in nature, and orgasm for either partner is an added bonus. Even if men didn't experience pleasure, but rather pain, during ejaculation they would still be driven to reproduce. Women experience orgasm much less often, during intercourse, but they still engage in the activity, in part because of sexual desire, and a vaginal ache, a desire to be filled. Recreational sex is not the same as reproductive sex. Most animals simply don't engage in recreational sex, meaning orgasm isn't the primary motive even for them. Brad | 2008-11-28 12:20:35 |
| 952 | 6284 | This is a wonderful site. It helped my sex life enormously. But... & I've been surprised not to see a section here that gives attention to the utmost importance of exercising PC muscles (Both for women and men), how much good it does to one's sexuality, and sexual life. Perhaps I missed something? Can you recommend a good reference? | 2008-12-01 04:31:00 |
| 952 | 6285 | Hi, It is mentioned briefly in several articles and Q&As, but the main references are on other websites. [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin2.htm#kegels] www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin2.htm#kegels [url=www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/virgin_2.htm#kegels] [url=en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise]en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise Brad | 2008-12-02 00:43:00 |
| 953 | 6288 | I'm 41 years old.& I don't have the best body image in the world, but one of the the most uplifting things a sexual partner ever said to me was how pretty my genitals were.& At that time in my life, at age 19, I had no idea that mine looked different than anyone elses.& & I knew I had a sticky-outy thing, which I assumed (wrongly) was my clitoris.& It's actually the labia minora on the right side, which becomes the "hood" of the clitoris, I suppose you could say.& & On the other side there is nothing.& & When I was a small child, the labium was a little bump, and when I asked my mom what it was, she slapped my hand away and said, "Don't touch that!" but didn't answer. It's a lot more than a small bump now, on the right side at least, and is easily visible if I'm just standing regular with my legs together.& & Well,& & I like my genitals, except sometimes I wish the right labium didn't protrude so much, because it's very sensitive, and it can feel annoying if I brush it with my hand or something, and I'm not aroused.& & I decided to do a google search to see what other people has to say about assymetrical labia, mostly to see how common it is. I was dismayed to see result after result of articles and plastic surgeon sites about how it's ugly, undesirable, a deformity, and how women "suffer" from it, and should want to have it "corrected." & It's really sad to see that. When I was 13, I read an article in a magazine about how your breasts are officially "saggy" if ----, and mine fit the bill even at that age.& That did a world of harm to my self-imagine.& I can only imagine how terrible it would have been if I had gotten the idea that my genitals were deformed!& So, if anyone out there is like me, (assymetrical) and reading this...you are beautiful and unique, like your own special kind of& flower.& & That's why I chose "orchid" for part of my username.& Don't let any silly, stupid websites or magazines tell you otherwise.& | 2008-12-08 17:14:33 |
| 953 | 6290 | Its really aggravating to see that kind thing, how our society and media have such a narrow view of what the "norm" is. Yeah, your breasts are "saggy" if they dont pass the "pencil test" (put a pencil under your breast and if your breast can hold it there-- you loose!) but on the same account if they are that perky they are probably much too small to ever be deemed attractive. Gah it makes me so angry that these are the messages we get about our bodies. For the longest time I was insecure about my breasts because I have very large areolas, much much larger then anything Id seen in any pornographic images or anywhere else for that matter. As an artist I draw nudes often and when Im not working from a model, I tend to draw breasts much the way mine are... and I cant tell you how many people look at my drawings and say "huh.... um.. why are her nipples so big? thats weird" which makes me sad because thats the way MINE look. I also used to be insecure about my genitals because I have a rather "puffy" clitoral hood which when Im standing makes it look like I have three "lips"... I always wondered why my shape was so different then all the nude art photos Id seen which didnt have that "puff" in the middle. Anyways you are absolutly right... all of us are different and its a wonderfull thing! I wish there were more positive messages being sent to girls but I just dont see it happening soon :( | 2008-12-08 19:40:47 |
| 953 | 6291 | Variety is the spice of life, they say.& The good news is that the media is wrong.& In reality, for every physical variation in a person's body, there is someone out there who will find it attractive.& Whether or not the attraction is mutual is a different story, but I guess there has to be a little challenge in life. | 2008-12-08 20:50:55 |
| 953 | 6292 | Hi Tember....you can be more right, the picture of the perfect body is far from perfect; one of the& things that could help is that we teach our daughters to admire their bodies and to love them As you& say many of us "hate" our nipples, the areolas, the pubic hair,the breasts (every minute detail) but I think we must remember that out there is a person that will be turned on by the way you look; your breasts "they sag so naturally", your areolas look so inviting around those big dark nipples"; your labia is so arousing "cause you can see the bulge thru the panties" and you can suck them...just think of something negative and there will be a complimennt from somebody....just leaf thru millions of sex& surveys and there is no consensus of the perfect arousing body luisa PS:It is too much& to ask for a copy of one of your drawings for my desktop? thanks..........love luisa xluisax2005& & in yahoo.com & | 2008-12-09 13:48:41 |
| 953 | 6294 | luisa1, I fully agree with you. Note I said I used to be insecure about these aspects of my body. Im fully comfortable with them now and I belive my body to be very beautifull dispite its unique qualities. Being an artist is what allowed me to get over such things as poor body image. That said, my drawings can be found here: [url=www.geocities.com/eruanna] www.geocities.com/eruanna | 2008-12-12 20:10:36 |
| 953 | 6295 | Hi Tember thanks for the message, the site is superb ! it conveys somekind of peaceful state of mind and some of the darwings are so complicated in their simplicity. Congrats and many success in life. PS Forgot to tell you the last time that I don't agree with any kind of body mutilation (like engorging the vulva) Luisa happy holidays | 2008-12-12 20:38:47 |
| 953 | 6302 | those life drawings are very good. the lines are nice and fluid and capture the pose of the model well.& if you don't mind my asking, though, it seems like you went back to do some embellishment on the bodies, but most of the heads and especially faces& seem to be untouched and often just faint pencil.& is there a reason you avoid the faces? | 2008-12-20 03:30:29 |
| 953 | 6312 | [user=374]dfs3[/user] wrote: "those life drawings are very good. the lines are nice and fluid and capture the pose of the model well.& if you don't mind my asking, though, it seems like you went back to do some embellishment on the bodies, but most of the heads and especially faces& seem to be untouched and often just faint pencil.& is there a reason you avoid the faces? " & There are a couple reasons I guess. For one thing, faces are to me a lot more complex then bodies, and given that the most time I get with one pose is half an hour, and usually more around five or ten minutes, I just dont feel I have time to touch on the face. If I were to spend time putting a face on, I would then run out of time perfecting other body parts, which to me is more the reason I do life drawing.& In my own spare time artwork, I focus on faces a lot. I love faces, I could spend hours drawing them. So when I do life drawing, I want to give more focus to bodies and perportions. Thirdly, I feel if the image dosnt resemble the model, that in some way the drawing is a failure. But that dosnt really become an issue if I didnt include the face. I do do portrait studies as well, as a seperate excersize, but I just feel that for the purposes of figure drawing I benifit more from focusing on anatomy. (I dont usually post my portrait studies online though because not everyone I do a portrait of wants their face on the internet) | 2008-12-25 03:25:10 |
| 953 | 6462 | Orchidwanda: I sent you a PM. | 2009-01-25 08:14:20 |
| 955 | 6303 | i have never had sex but i want to. i am not on birth control and i dont really want to be. will a condom do the trick or should i take the pill? | 2008-12-21 02:14:48 |
| 955 | 6307 | It's up to you.& No birth control is 100% effective.& What kinds of birth control you use depends on how seriously you wish not to get pregnant.& A condom, when used correctly, is about 92% effective.& When used improperly, the success rate drops sharply.& Birth control and spermicidal jelly are closer to 99% effective when used properly.& All three used together are about 99.9999% effective when all the instructions are followed perfectly, but you can still get pregnant.& You just have to ask yourself what is more important to you. | 2008-12-21 06:44:59 |
| 955 | 6311 | The website linked to below lists the failure rates for the different forms of birth control and contraceptives. Condoms fail 14% of the time, the pill 5% of the time. So in normal use, birth control is nowhere near being perfect, but using no birth control at all means you have a 85% chance of getting pregnant over the span of one year; you don't know if you will become pregnant the first or last time you have sex during that year. [url=www.fda.gov/Fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html] www.fda.gov/Fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html If you can't risk pregnancy, then consider sexual activities that don't risk conception, like phone sex, cybersex, and watching each other masturbate without touching, and outercourse, oral sex, and manual sex when one partner remains fully clothed. Sexual activities that result in the exchange of body fluids, saliva, vaginal and vulva fluids, semen, precum, ejaculate, and blood can result in the spread of STIs even if conception isn't possible. There is preliminary research that indicates using prescription birth control may have non-reversible effects on some woman's bodies. & Brad | 2008-12-21 19:22:54 |
| 955 | 6317 | My experience with the pill wasn't good. It made me feel extremely ill.& & But there are different types of pill and everyone reacts differently. I'd go for the condom myself.. | 2008-12-29 01:44:16 |
| 956 | 6304 | Heyaa =3 I was just wondering.. I masturbate face down using one hand ( or sometimes one on top of the other ) to kind of apply pressure on the clitoris and the vagina and my fingers would like rest on my bottom and i would kinda hump my hand in a way.. I find that afterwords it hurts a bit.. Is this all normal? Many Thx =3 :) | 2008-12-21 03:14:49 |
| 956 | 6306 | There is no wrong or right or normal way to masturbate.& I've heard of probably 50 different techniques or variations on techniques that women use, and the only thing that matters is whether or not it works for you. | 2008-12-21 06:39:25 |
| 956 | 6354 | Sometimes I hump my arm or my hand(s), or my heel, so there's at least one other person who masturbates your way! | 2009-01-06 14:32:29 |
| 956 | 6364 | I've done it your way when I was on a surface too soft to give me enough friction. I prefer to put something under my cunt or to do it on the floor so my hands can be free and I can move easier. It's also great to do it shirtless on a firm bed and let your nipples be stimulated by dragging over the sheets as you thrust. Happy humping! | 2009-01-07 18:11:10 |
| 956 | 6371 | I love to hump my mound on a pillow and wiggle till I come mmmm | 2009-01-08 22:36:02 |
| 956 | 6388 | Yes, the way you masturbate is normal, for you. As normal as "your" finger prints. I think no blood shed is normal, but I could be way off.. And I ask you to consider, how could it not hurt afterwards? You rub any part of your body, with as much friction & time, as "you" do when masturbating & I betcha it will be sore too. Consider the thinness of the skin down there too. We all find our own ways, to are own pleasure. Like ice cream, other flavors are good too. But I have my favorites. :} | 2009-01-14 20:47:34 |
| 956 | 6668 | hi! I was so glad to read your post, as this is exactly the way I masturbate. If I do it for a long time, i also get sore- sometimes it's an ache, or sometimes its a sharp sting. But it usually goes away after a day or so. :) | 2009-06-17 19:50:18 |
| 958 | 6315 | I'm just wondering if there exists any woman who enjoys lactation for its own intrinsic pleasure and who would enjoy sharing that experience with an adult male. It's something I want to experience before I die. I am drawn to it in the most honest way, without any games. But I do wonder if such women exist because all my efforts to find a sincere lady to share something so special have been unsuccessful. I think I am the only man in the world who feels this way. Any feedback, please. | 2008-12-28 12:42:34 |
| 958 | 6327 | Im sure theres someone. Its& a fetish that Iv heard of before so your not the only one out there interested in that. Good luck to you. :) | 2008-12-31 17:20:32 |
| 958 | 6328 | it's a moderately well known fetish that can be seen sometimes in porn.& not my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat. | 2008-12-31 17:31:50 |
| 958 | 6374 | It's one of my favorite fantasies and something I would love to do for pleasure and health reasons. But I am not seeking any new sex partners at this time so I wish you the best in the search. There are many women who enjoy their nipple sensations immensely and would like to use the full function of their breasts. | 2009-01-09 01:16:51 |
| 958 | 6375 | It's not a fetishism.& There's a mechanism of reward of lactation. When a baby mammal sucks the mother's breasts, she may feel a sex pleasure, and& this reinforce her the tendency to feed baby with her own milk. If& my memory is right, a section of this site has told us this. | 2009-01-09 07:08:21 |
| 958 | 6377 | [user=8277]plurabelle[/user] wrote: "It's not a fetishism.& There's a mechanism of reward of lactation. When a baby mammal sucks the mother's breasts, she may feel a sex pleasure, and& this reinforce her the tendency to feed baby with her own milk. If& my memory is right, a section of this site has told us this." People define "fetish" very broadly nowadays... yes yes, I know the dictionary definiton, but its not that uncommon for any kind of sexual practice or preferance that is not "mainstream" to be considered a "fetish". Anyways, your comment only addressed the women who enjoy this. It would defonatly, I think, be a fetish for the men who are interested in female lactation. But why does it matter either way? Whats so bad about a fetish that you have to automatically say "Oh this isnt a fetish though", as if "fetish" is something horrible you dont want to be associated with. Goodness, I think fetishes are perfectly healthy. I have quite a few myself. | 2009-01-09 19:50:46 |
| 958 | 6379 | Just so I understand ... you're talking about suckling a woman's breast milk yourself, correct? I think this is probably fairly common ... my husband did it a little when I was nursing my children. There is some very powerful symbolism involved ... But I think if you're looking for a woman to do it, it might be difficult. You'd have to find a woman who was nursing and who presumably didn't have a man around (unless it was their fantasy to have another man involved, I guess), and who was willing to allow a strange man to suckle her. | 2009-01-09 20:46:59 |
| 958 | 6460 | Most women who have never been pregnant can lactate, though it may take a lot of effort.& Massage, pumping, herbs, and drugs are ways of achieving lactation.& There are several Yahoo groups and websites for men and women interested in ABR/ANR (adult breastfeeding relationship/adult nursing relationship). I have been looking for a partner for a year; found a lady close enough for it to be practical, but did not feel a "connection".& Because almost daily dry nursing or pumping is necessary to bring about lactation, it is easiest when the lady and her partner are living together. Some links: [url=www.anrspace.com] www.anrspace.com& [url=www.landofmilkandhoney.com/] www.landofmilkandhoney.com/ [url=groups.yahoo.com/group/Mysticism_Magick_and_Lactation/]groups.yahoo.com/group/Mysticism_Magick_and_Lactation/& (The above& group is the most active and has the most information; to join one must be female or be recommended by a female member. It is for information, not "hooking" up) [url=groups.yahoo.com/group/ANSL]groups.yahoo.com/group/ANSL INDUCING LACTATION WITHOUT BEING PREGNANT: [url=www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/ induced_lactation/gn_protocols.html] www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/ induced_lactation/gn_protocols.html & | 2009-01-25 07:08:02 |
| 959 | 6316 | but i'll try.. Okay this will sound odd to most of you, and i'm not sure if this is the right forum for this. My name's Nicole and I have believed since the age of about 7 that I am transgendered (i'm 16 btw). I can't really explain it, I just should've been born male, it's the true me. When i'm 18, I plan on& having my name and gender legaly changed,& have my thighs, tits and ass reduced and have my reproductive organs removed. My question is about "T".& I know that it enlarges the clitoris more the younger you are. The thing I want to know is how long would it get, roughly, & if I started taking it at about 18?? Does anyone know? I've read about it and searched online and haven't found out =( If anyone is going to judge me please don't respond to this, I just want to know the answer to my question.. & Thank You x & | 2008-12-29 01:37:05 |
| 959 | 6320 | The answer you seek probably doesn't exist, that is why you can't find it. The article linked to below shows two examples of clitorises that have increased in size as a result of the use of prescription testosterone; half way down the page. I don't know if they are typical or not. www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/enhance.htm Resources for FtM transsexuals are linked to below. www.google.com/search?q=ftm Another Resource: answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080606162120AAMFJDj Brad | 2008-12-29 20:17:57 |
| 959 | 6322 | You're right, I don't think there is a rational answer to my question.& But thank you, those links& gave me an even& better understanding. | 2008-12-30 01:41:49 |
| 960 | 6318 | I've posted here before about my lack of orgasm, but, it seems there are more variables to consider now than there were before.& We attributed my inorgasmia to the depression medications that I have been on for 10 years, having tried for many years to quit and only becoming extremely depressed again each time.& I have a permanent chemical imbalance that I cannot correct without medication. I've tried so many different medications and I've finally found one that works well on my mood, and has increased my sexual pleasure, but still denies me orgasm.& I've also tried various sex toys, positions, stimulation points, arousal materials, anything I can get my hands on.& At first I'm always hopeful it will work, but, it's become very discouraging over time.& I'm beginning to feel rather hopeless. I've been trying to take different medications, but many do not work and there's always a risk for permanent, negative side effects (such as constant shaking, 'pill rolling,' involuntary lip-licking or mouth movements, and many more that have actually occurred in a friend of the family). My family and I are both scared to try any more, and they are tired of my unintended, but self-inflicted, psychological abuse each time I change medications and become more depressed until I switch back. My mother claims that when I 'fall in love' and have intercourse things will be completely different.& That when a person falls in love their brain chemistry changes and I shouldn't worry about not being able to achieve orgasm.& This, however, doesn't seem to be in line with anything I've read and I am still ill at ease.& Does it seem possible, to anyone's knowledge here, that she might be right? I am so discouraged at this point.& I am worried that not only will I never be able to experience a good sex life with my future husband, but that it will be a burden on him.& It wouldn't be his fault, of course, but that may not help him to feel any better.& It also won't help that I may very well cry if things don't work out, just from disappointment if nothing else.& What should be a very intimate and happy moment looks as though it's already ruined by things beyond my control.& I'm just so stressed about it, which I know doesn't help, but I have nothing to help support me and help me to calm down.& I used to keep a very positive outlook at this whole situation, always hopeful, but I just feel defeated these days. Any encouragement, if there is any to be had, would be appreciated. EDIT:& After talking to her again after we were both calm, she says that she meant to say that if I do have a problem when I am married, there are ways to work around it.& Medicating the side effects, not changing medications.& Which makes me feel a little more hopeful but I do wonder why my doctors have not mentioned this to me whenever I tell them /why/ I'm switching meds... | 2008-12-29 06:53:29 |
| 960 | 6321 | "I've tried so many different medications and I've finally found one that works well on my mood, and has increased my sexual pleasure, but still denies me orgasm. I've also tried various sex toys, positions, stimulation points, arousal materials, anything I can get my hands on. At first I'm always hopeful it will work, but, it's become very discouraging over time. I'm beginning to feel rather hopeless." For now focus on the fact that your sexual pleasure has increased.& I know that with depression it may be hard to take an optimistic stance, but think of the improvements you've made rather than what you haven't yet achieved.& Hopefully it will at least give you some reassurance in regards to your feelings of hopelessness. Also, one of the topics often discussed here is the over-emphasis of orgasm.& Orgasm feels good, naturally, but many people (whether or not they are in your precise position) often obsess with orgasm to the point that they are unable to enjoy the sexual pleasure they do experience, and sometimes to the point that they are unable to orgasm for psychological reasons. Both of these are short term patches, I know, but that doesn't mean they aren't worth trying. "I've been trying to take different medications, but many do not work and there's always a risk for permanent, negative side effects (such as constant shaking, 'pill rolling,' involuntary lip-licking or mouth movements, and many more that have actually occurred in a friend of the family). My family and I are both scared to try any more, and they are tired of my unintended, but self-inflicted, psychological abuse each time I change medications and become more depressed until I switch back." All I can say is good luck with whatever you find that works. "My mother claims that when I 'fall in love' and have intercourse things will be completely different. That when a person falls in love their brain chemistry changes and I shouldn't worry about not being able to achieve orgasm. This, however, doesn't seem to be in line with anything I've read and I am still ill at ease. Does it seem possible, to anyone's knowledge here, that she might be right?" It is possible, though I wouldn't say it's likely since every person is unique.& Some people are unable to orgasm, no matter how hard they try, until they find some special partner that "unlocks" them.& Some times people fall in love and their priorities change.& You may find that you enjoy your time with a special partner so much that you just stop caring about orgasm. "I am so discouraged at this point. I am worried that not only will I never be able to experience a good sex life with my future husband, but that it will be a burden on him. It wouldn't be his fault, of course, but that may not help him to feel any better. It also won't help that I may very well cry if things don't work out, just from disappointment if nothing else. What should be a very intimate and happy moment looks as though it's already ruined by things beyond my control. " If you're looking for intense emotional intimacy, you're likely going to end up with a patient husband who won't see you as a burden. That includes crying and frustration. "I'm just so stressed about it, which I know doesn't help, but I have nothing to help support me and help me to calm down. I used to keep a very positive outlook at this whole situation, always hopeful, but I just feel defeated these days." I've known a few others in situations similar to your own.& I find that people in your situation tend to let their minds run away with dire possibilities that seem insurmountable.& I think it would help to try to take a step back and reassess your situation, looking at the progress you've made and what is immediately in front of you rather than what lies far down the road. " Any encouragement, if there is any to be had, would be appreciated." I can't give you any hard medical encouragement since I'm not qualified to do so, but I will at least assure you that there are men out there who would be incredibly patient and nurturing and who would not shy away from you or see you as a burden. " "EDIT: After talking to her again after we were both calm, she says that she meant to say that if I do have a problem when I am married, there are ways to work around it. Medicating the side effects, not changing medications. Which makes me feel a little more hopeful but I do wonder why my doctors have not mentioned this to me whenever I tell them /why/ I'm switching meds..." Who can understand the motivations of doctors?& As much as we trust them, I've found that they often know little more than we do.& I've seen so much misdiagnosis just within my family that I really have little trust for doctors.& Add in the greedy insurance companies who care more about their bottom line than the health of their clients and the scene looks pretty grim.& There are some exceptional doctors out there, but you really have to look hard to find them. | 2008-12-29 21:04:04 |
| 960 | 6342 | Dear Ms Elaneous, Maybe I can be of help. I'm not sure how you are trying to masturbate but I have a technique that I learned when I was three years old that still can give me an orgasm in less than a minute (if I'm horny). All you do is lie down on your belly somewhere comfortable like a bed, couch, etc. Wherever you feel comfortable. You can be naked or clothed, whichever you prefer. Sometimes I put a towel down (or wear a maxi pad if clothed) because I get really wet. (A maxi pad actually adds stimulation if using this method.) I prop myself up on my elbows and kind of center my weight on my cunt. Then begin rocking back and forth on your pussy. If the bed is too soft you may put something under you, small firm pillow, hardcover book, etc. to press your puss into. If it takes you awhile, don't worry, just enjoy it. Try not to HAVE an orgasm, just welcome it should it come to you. If you need more stimulation you can go from your elbows to your hands, grinding your genitalia under your weight. Hope this helps. Also I found some information on anti-depressants that may be of help to you. Best wishes. LL Antidepressant Drugs Antidepressant drugs have become a big business, the promotion of "depression" as a illness, treatable with drugs has become a scandalous enterprise with little or no merit. Antidepressants were a hard sell until recently. Although many drugs in this class modified the behavior of patients, their slow action and many side effects were negative features. The introduction of a new class of antidepressants that increase serotonin activity, led by Prozac changed the market for psychotropic drugs. The effects of Prozac on personality were widely publicized and drug companies advertise indirectly and, more recently directly to the consumer, relegating physicians to the role of middleman. The patient now demands the prescription and the doctor complies. The consumer hopes that Prozac and related drugs can increase energy, confidence and assertiveness. Shy people were added to list of potential customers. Although writers such as psychiatrist Peter Kramer (Listening to Prozac) suggested that the patient's interest in personality changing drugs was a new market force, nothing new really happened; it is the same old interest in psychotropic drugs but the names, the players and the prices changed. Cocaine outsells Prozac, but the profitability of prescription antidepressant drugs is outstanding. In Canada, three similar antidepressants were among the top-selling drugs; these are Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft.. Lauren Slater call Prozac the "Big Mac of Medicine" because of its popularity and the faddish consumer appeal based on the futile hope that a drug could resolve human suffering. She described the dramatic and brief benefits of taking Prozac: "those first few mornings were fairy tales, tall tales, replete with all the bent beauty of a New World." Her story is not simple, however and the long-term effects of taking the drug are mixture of benefits and negative effects. The initial recovery from depression is not sustained and a three or four phase sequence can often be discerned, beginning with an initial improvement that occurs in the first 2 to 4 weeks. The statement the first time was the best time" applies to most, if not to all psychotropic drugs. In Slater's experience, Prozac removed her sexual drive, blunted her creativity and reduced her appetite. The underlying problems are many and begin with the lack of specificity of the drug. Prozac blocks Serotonin re-uptake and in stage 1 of its activity, probably increases serotonin receptor activity in all areas of the brain. Serotonin synapses are not all conveniently arranged just to alleviate depression and a whole complex of unrelated functions are affected. The brain is not passive and changes to offset or accommodate the drug activity; the effects then shift to an adapted state, different from the initial drug-dependent state. The person taking the drug has also shifted in terms of behavior and learning and may be learning new skills and, at the same time, coping with new problems such increased anger, loss of libido and blunted feelings. Human Brain in Health and Disease Goodman, Chair of the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Psychopharmacologic Drugs Advisory Committee made a public statement in 2006 that claims in drug monographs and advertising that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants work by normalizing serotonin levels are not based on scientific evidence and should be prohibited. Moynihan and Cassels described the drug industry's marketing tactics. "With obscene profits from drug sales; a drug company can afford to control the naming and perception of diseases by physicians, government, and consumers. They create drug demand by advertising to consumers and doctors at the same time. For example, Cohn & Wolfe Healthcare, SmithKline's PR firm created social phobia disorder treatable with Paxil, which became the world's best-selling antidepressant, earning US$3 billion annually." Antidepressants are chemicals that are added to a dysfunctional chemical mix that caused dysfunction and dysphoria in the first place. Few patients make any effort to alter their disease-causing lifestyle and few physicians make any effort to investigate and improve the patients chemistry overall. Prozac is added, mindlessly to the dysfunctional chemical mix and its effects merge with other drugs, coffee, alcohol, the chemistry of food and contaminants, sugars, food allergy and airborne neurotoxins that act on the brain. New problems added by the prescription chemical may suddenly emerge such as unexpected bursts of anger and aggression or increased tendency to have violent suicidal thoughts. One young woman reported to me that after taking Prozac for two weeks, she had threatened her live-in boyfriend with hammer, chased him into the bathroom and attacked the closed door, smashing holes in the door until she more or less recovered composure. Her boyfriend fled the apartment and never returned. The boyfriend was domineering and sometimes verbally abusive, as boyfriends sometimes are, but the pre-Prozac young woman was compliant and never had a violent temper. Her Prozac rage is an example of chemically triggered behavior. Prozac may provoke agitated preoccupation with suicide or violence directed against others. The drug facilitates the rage response, as do most of the drugs that suppress appetite. Up to 73% of patients taking antidepressant report sexual dysfunction, such as diminished sexual desire, delayed sexual arousal, and muted or absent orgasm. Fisher suggests that these drugs blunt emotions and interfere with forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. When men and women take serotonin-enhancing drugs and fail to achieve orgasm, an important feature of pair bonding fails. You would not be surprised to learn that a woman taking Prozac decided to divorce her husband, stating that she no longer loved him. After she stopped the drug, she loved him again and stayed married. Colin Meek. SSRI ads questioned. CMAJ " March 14, 2006; 174 (6). doi:10.1503/cmaj.051634. [ii] Ray Moynihan and Alan Cassels. Selling sickness: How the world's biggest pharmaceutical companies are turning us all into patients: Greystone Books, 2006 Toronto; ISBN 1-55365-131-6 [iii] Fisher, H.E. Do Sexual Side Effects of Most Antidepressants Jeopardize Romantic Love and Marriage? Sex, Sexuality, and Serotonin" symposium | 2009-01-04 00:23:42 |
| 960 | 6630 | Hi, Anonymous Girl 3, I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've been on Zoloft for about 5 years now. I became sexually active only a few months before going on Zoloft, and I hadn't masturbated much before that. I didn't know my own body very well yet, and then I got on the pills. Well, 5 years later, I still don't experience orgasm in the ways I feel like I'm "supposed" to. I don't even know if I've ever orgasmed at all. And it doesn't help that people say, "Oh, when you do, you'll KNOW." Because people can perceive orgasm differently. Anyway, I finally allowed myself to say that I'm not innately "broken" or "defective"; the medication is simply making it more difficult for me to cum. It's easy to assume that, because you need a pill to fix your chemical imbalance, there must be other parts of you that are sub-par or need fixing, as well--like aspects of your sexuality. I'm here to tell you that this is not true. I REALLY ENJOY sex--fireworks, or no. I also DO NOT want to get off antidepressants because I kind of fear that they're what's keeping me alive. I don't want to feel the way I did for years before the Zoloft ever again. I'll keep trying to orgasm for the rest of my life and enjoy the process, successful or no, because it's worth it to me to stay sane with those meds. That said, I recently told my shrink that I was fed up with this no-cumming situation and asked her to put me on Wellbutrin, as well, which has been shown to counteract the negative sexual side effects of Zoloft. At this point, I've been on Wellbutrin for a month. I'm not squirting and feeling explosive yet, but there have been improvements in my sexual response when I've masturbated or had sex. And, as an added bonus, it feels really good, mood-wise, to have a second antidepressant working on other chemicals in my brain. I'm sharing all this just to say that I can totally relate to what you're going through. I'm not giving up on myself yet, sexually speaking, so don't you give up! I'm committed to the process of exploring my sexuality, either on my own or with a partner, and enjoying every healthy experience. As long as you're having fun, no one can tell you that you're missing out on something. I mean, a lot of times, personally, I could care less whether or not I'm having some sort of mind-altering, transcendent orgasm. I'm feeling great and having a good time, and that's really what matters most, anyway. Moreover, who's to say that, since my natural threshold of happiness is lower than that of much of the world's (i.e. due to dysthymia, a.k.a. chronic depression), my sexual response isn't more subtle, as well? Sometimes I wonder whether the things my body is doing during sex would feel phenomenal when perceived by someone with a normal balance of chemicals in her brain. I mean, maybe I AM orgasming (my vagina DOES contract and stuff on occasion), but because the chemical imbalance in my brain causes me to experience less general happiness in life, perhaps I experience orgasm to be less mind-blowing than it seems for "normal" people. Not sure if this is making sense to you...but, for me, it explains in part why I prefer somewhat rough, more vigorous, and very intense sex. Maybe that's just what it takes for someone like me (and maybe you, too) to feel a level of intensity that most people feel with less stimulation. In short, try not to be discouraged! Just keep having fun, and know that you're ok just doing whatever feels good to you. There are no expectations. Life's too short for that. Hope this helps. :-) | 2009-05-09 19:32:23 |
| 961 | 6323 | & Hello, I am very happy to have found this! I am 18 years old and have only recently tried to masturbate. I didn't even know girls could do it till I was 16.:( But I can't seem to find my Clitoris. I didn't even know I had one till this month! I spent an hour searching and it seems to been hidden or covered I thought I found something that looked like it but it hurt to touch. I tried to rub other places but felt no pleasure. Is it because I was not aroused? I used to bee really sensitive and as a young girl all I had to do was rub my foot against the carpet and the vibrations in my legs would cause a great sensation. And I would lean against vibrating things or the massaging chairs in the store but of course I didn't know what the feeling was or even that it was sexual, but I have known about& sex& since I was 5. When I was 13 I had something unfortunate happen to me. I guess it was rare because the doctor said he had seen nothing like it. My pubic hair got caught around my labia and it filled with fluid and I had the hair removed and it caused a lot of excess skin to stay their. Is that my problem? Also, I am very behind sexually. I haven't even been kissed. And I have cold feelings when it comes to liking someone because I have had too many experiences where I liked someone but they only wanted to use me for sex. And left me. So I feel attraction but never a strong sexual desire. Is this a psychological thing I need to get over? One more thing, I looked at my vagina and it is covered by some white slimy tissue. Is that my hymen? Or is it skin? | 2008-12-30 15:57:03 |
| 961 | 6324 | [user=14280]Alexandra18[/user] wrote: "& Hello, I am very happy to have found this! I am 18 years old and have only recently tried to masturbate. I didn't even know girls could do it till I was 16.:( But I can't seem to find my Clitoris. I didn't even know I had one till this month! I spent an hour searching and it seems to been hidden or covered I thought I found something that looked like it but it hurt to touch. I tried to rub other places but felt no pleasure. Is it because I was not aroused? """ Arousal does make a big difference, especially when you aren't very familiar with your body.& Your clitoris may be too sensitive to touch directly, and the other parts of your body may not be sensitive enough.& What a lot of women need to do is indirectly stimulate their clitoris.& Don't try to move the flesh out of the way, but just press right through it onto your clitoris (you do have one, the clitoris is bigger than it looks).& This will help diffuse the pressure so it won't be as sensitive. """ & I used to bee really sensitive and as a young girl all I had to do was rub my foot against the carpet and the vibrations in my legs would cause a great sensation. And I would lean against vibrating things or the massaging chairs in the store but of course I didn't know what the feeling was or even that it was sexual, but I have known about& sex& since I was 5. When I was 13 I had something unfortunate happen to me. I guess it was rare because the doctor said he had seen nothing like it. My pubic hair got caught around my labia and it filled with fluid and I had the hair removed and it caused a lot of excess skin to stay their. Is that my problem? """ I don't really understand what you mean, but if there is scarring from this, then scar tissue does has reduced sensitivity.& However, this would probably affect the sensitivity of your labia, not your clitoris.& The fluid issue, I suppose, may have done something internally, but I'm not a doctor and I don't really understand what exactly happened to cause it, so I'm just speculating. """ Also, I am very behind sexually. I haven't even been kissed. And I have cold feelings when it comes to liking someone because I have had too many experiences where I liked someone but they only wanted to use me for sex. And left me. So I feel attraction but never a strong sexual desire. Is this a psychological thing I need to get over? """ I don't think this is a problem.& Lots of people are in your situation.& I think the majority of your problem is simply that you don't have much experience masturbating.& It takes longer than you might think to learn what things your body responds to the most, as well as the things that turn you on.& At 18 you're not as behind as you think.& My big recommendations for anyone trying to learn what they like is to be patient.& Also, don't compare yourself to other people.& Everyone is unique.& Find what works for you and don't be in a hurry.& Also, don't obsess with orgasm.& Just explore what you like and orgasm will come on its own. """ One more thing, I looked at my vagina and it is covered by some white slimy tissue. Is that my hymen? Or is it skin? " If you mean literally your vagina, as in the anatomical entrance, then it probably is your hymen.& If it is elsewhere, it may be scar tissue from the problem you had when you were younger.& It may also just be the coloration of your skin.& The inner parts of your vulva will tend to be slick and moist, and the color varies from person to person. | 2008-12-30 21:33:39 |
| 961 | 6325 | These articles should help: www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/qa_1/qa1_4.htm www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/loc_vag.htm Brad | 2008-12-30 23:01:25 |
| 961 | 6326 | [user=14280]Alexandra18[/user] wrote: "But I can't seem to find my Clitoris. I didn't even know I had one till this month! I spent an hour searching and it seems to been hidden or covered I thought I found something that looked like it but it hurt to touch. I tried to rub other places but felt no pleasure. Is it because I was not aroused? " Hidden or covered and hurts to touch it directly? That sounds like your clitoris and is perfectly normal. If Im not aroused I cannot touch mine directly, so try massaging it through the hood (the skin around it) [user=14280]Alexandra18[/user] wrote: "Also, I am very behind sexually. I haven't even been kissed. And I have cold feelings when it comes to liking someone because I have had too many experiences where I liked someone but they only wanted to use me for sex. And left me. So I feel attraction but never a strong sexual desire. Is this a psychological thing I need to get over? " I really, really would not worry about that. 18? Your not behind at all, dispite what you may think. | 2008-12-31 16:47:29 |