Question Part 1: I've only just begun to masturbate after many years of denial. I have gotten into it with gusto but no matter how much I touch and rub my clit, I can't orgasm. I have seconds here and there of intense pleasure, but never reach the point. I watch porn videos, but fantasizing seems to distract me from the task at hand. I'm beginning to wonder if my clit is just not as responsive? I'm an enthusiastic road cyclist and after a few hours on my bike, I do get sore in the area. Has this form of recreation done any damage to my sensitivity level? Or do I simply need more experience? Please help, as I've rubbed myself to the point of pain and exhaustion. I've also tried the bath faucet method to no avail.
I've experienced orgasm in the past, or come very close to it, while sleeping. I would wake up with explosive feelings and my thighs wrapped tightly together. They were wonderful though at the time I was rather ashamed. Oh, how I wish I could have those moments back.
Answer Part 1: Bicycle riding can cause nerve damage. This is mentioned on the page about Sexual Dissatisfaction.
Since you do not have a baseline, that is you did not masturbate prior to now, it is harder to know if there has been a change, or if what you are experiencing is normal for you.
Things that are important to know are whether your level of desire and intensity of arousal has changed with time. You do not mention your age. Have your tried partner sex and what was the result?
I would recommend trying a vibrator or using water spray, as these are often more intense and sustained than masturbating with your hand. While using a vibrator, you can watch and lose yourself in an erotic video, and allow your body to do it's own thing.
The fact that you experience wet dreams, they are called the same for men and women, is encouraging, as it means you are able to experience some level of arousal, and sexual desire is likely the driving force behind them.
Many women find it challenging to learn how to experience orgasm, so do not feel alone in your experience.
Question Part 2: Thank you for the quick reply. I addressed some of your comments and questions below.
Apparently, I have had an incorrect setup and have too much of my weight in my crotch area. The proper setup is for my weight to be on my sit bones. I'm tweaking the bike to see what I can do about it. After permanent damage, is there any way to reverse the harm done? How about time? I know from other injuries that nerve damage are usually not reversible.
I have noticed that I have not had a wet dream for a long time now. Probably over a year or more. I started cycling (2 or 3 times a week) this spring. But I do get aroused, sometimes to the point of distraction, but am not able to push the feelings to a more intense level. It seems like I'm always at the low lying level of arousal. I am a virgin and have never been sexual with another person. I'm only beginning to discover my sexual side after being brought up in a very strict fundamental religion and aside from religion, culturally my family has very old fashion views on sex before marriage. My parents also had a very stormy marriage that had violence and drug use. My father died in a car crash caused by his own drunkenness when I was a teenager. Though I was never physically or sexually abused, it was emotionally withering.
Do I think some of that may be affecting my ability to enjoy masturbation? Perhaps, but I don't want to rule out the physiological possibility of a desensitized clit, as I feel not quite as sensitive down there anymore. Like I said, it's been awhile since my last wet dream. I also noticed that my breast and nipples are not all that sensitive either. So when I do try to arouse myself, it's frustrating, as all the touching by my hands seem to go nowhere. I find non touching and fantasies in my head are a little bit more stimulating. Though of course not to the point I would like them to be.
I have tried the water method and after awhile, the water pressure just became annoying. I'm trying to not use a vibrator yet, as I don't want to give up the manual technique just yet. I've read the advice on the site about becoming dependent on a vibrator that cannot be duplicated by partner, or your own hands.
Thank you. I do wonder if I'm just overanalyzing my own situation and perhaps what I'm going through is pretty normal.
Answer Part 2: From the book "For Women Only."
"In one study of 282 women... 40 percent of the cyclists reported clitoral numbness... only 11 percent of the cyclists described themselves as competitive riders... The Effects of extensive bicycle riding on sexual function can be permanent if the riding is prolonged over time." This sums up what I know on the subject.
I have not seen the full study or subsequent ones to know how much we know about the effects, short and long term, of nerve damage to the pelvic region. Nerve regeneration is very slow.
With the use of vibrators, normal sensation does return to normal in a short period of time, if a woman stops using one.
It is a positive sign that you do on occasion experience intense desire and arousal. Factors that may affect it are stress and low body weight. If you have low body fat that could affect your sexual function, and reproductive health. Regular menstrual periods generally indicate adequate body fat, but if you are missing periods or they are irregular, you could be underweight. Women who engage in competitive or strenuous sports are more likely to be underweight and experience problems with their reproductive and sexual health. Problems at work or school could be a problem too.
The hormonal changes of a woman's menstrual cycle often cause her level of desire to be cyclic, desire may increase after ovulation and/or during menstruation. You are not likely to be horny day in and day out. Your lack of wet dreams may be more the result of denial of your sexuality than physical causes, though I suspect you are no longer going through puberty, so your hormone levels have likely started to decline to some degree. You are under stress, this may cause your wet dreams to disappear or become less frequent.
Overcoming your childhood experiences could be challenging. First, you need to acknowledge you are a sexual woman who has a right to her sexual pleasure and enjoyment. You have to want to be a sexual woman, and give yourself permission to be so. You have to take control of, explore, and learn how to enjoy your body. This applies to your entire body, not just your breasts and vulva. It is standing in front a mirror while undressed and looking at and exploring your body. It is slowly apply lotion to your entire body. It is observing your vulva in a mirror as you explore and caress it, while applying lubricant. You may want to read about other women, women who are sexual, to get some guidance, as to what a sexual woman is and what she enjoys. While it can be a challenge to reclaim your sexuality, it is not impossible.
It is normal for women to find their body insensitive to sexual stimulation if they are not aroused, so use fantasy to get yourself aroused prior to physical stimulation. The more aroused you are prior to physical touch, the better. Many women underestimate the important of fantasy, mental stimulation.
Only about 50% of women find their breasts and nipples sensitive to stimulation, so this may be normal for you. You may enjoy touching them because they are "your breasts," but they may not be overly sensitive to sexual touch. The main thing is to explore different types of stimulation and pressure. Their sensitivity is dependent on many things too, like where you are in your menstrual cycle.
Your experience with trying to learn to masturbate and discover your sexuality is shared by many women, and is a common topic I receive questions concerning, you are not the only woman I am currently exploring this topic with. So do not feel alone, or weird. You are "normal" given your circumstances.
With the water spray, I suspect sexual fantasy was the missing ingredient. Set the water to the appropriate pressure and force, lie back, close your eyes, and think only about your fantasy. It may help to move your hips, but do not think about your body, just focus on your thoughts and staying relaxed and breathing. Limit your masturbation session to 15-20 min., or stop as soon is it no longer feels good. You cannot force yourself to have an orgasm.
I would recommend getting a copy of the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson and possibly her video "Selfloving." The book is full of great advice on claiming your sexuality and the video will allow you to get advice, and share the experiences and orgasms of other women. You can order these through this website or visit her website at http://www.bettydodson.com
Until you have reclaimed your sexuality it probably would be wise to avoid partner sex. Partner sex would likely complicate things.
While it may be too soon now, at some point in the future you may need to try a good vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand For now go with your instincts and try going without.
Question Part 3: Thank you for your reply and suggestions, I appreciate your time and consideration. Reading the website has me rethinking on many issues regarding my sexuality and body. I'm sure the sources you cited will help me further down the path.
One suggestion I picked up right away was to explore with a mirror. I wasn't sure at first, but it looks like I have a hooded clitoris. I'm going to see if masturbating and gentle tugging will eventually retract the hood. I can't remember if I went through any trauma that may have led to this situation, but as of now, I don't feel any pain or itchiness because of it. I do wonder if it may have something to with my level of enjoyment though.
Answer Part 3: Your hooded clitoris is likely the results of genetics, and not retracting the hood when rinsing your vulva. I do not recall if I mention it on the website, but with a hooded clitoris you may be able to insert a lubricated cotton swab, Q-Tip, under the hood and free adhesions and explore the hidden structures. Lubricate the cotton swab with antibiotic ointment or Vaseline first.
Be sure to schedule time for yourself to explore your body and sexuality. That is, make time for yourself.