Question:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, and have not had intercourse. I've never had sex before, but he has. He knows that I've never been intimate with a man before, and it makes him very nervous. We've talked about it, and he's concerned about causing me pain. What he doesn't know is that I bought a vibrator a few months ago and have been experimenting with it. I don't know how to tell him, or how he would respond. We love each other very much, and want to further our relationship but due to afore mentioned hang-ups, we're stuck in neutral. I desperately need some advice from a confidential source. Thank you for your time.

Answer:I do not know if you are using the vibrator for vaginal penetration, or if you explore other sexual activities together. If you have been inserting the vibrator into your vagina then it is less likely you will experience pain when you explore intercourse, if the vibrator is as large as an erect penis. Learning how to insert a vibrator or dildo into your vagina prior to experiencing intercourse is a good way to learn about your body, and to prepare your body for intercourse. If you have not explored other forms of sexual activity with your partner then it is unlikely you are ready to try intercourse.

I would recommend being honest with him about the vibrator and why you got and use it, as you want him to accept you for who you are, not some fantasy girl. This is not about you, but about him accepting the real you. You want him to accept you as a sexual woman. Millions of women have vibrators, so if he has a problem with you having one, it is his problem, not yours. If he cannot handle that you are sexual and do not need him to experience sexual pleasure, it is also his problem. I am sure he masturbates, so why cannot you? If you cannot be honest with him about your sexuality now, things will only get worse with time. You have done nothing wrong for which you should feel ashamed or embarrassed about.

Please see the pages about Virginity for information on preparing yourselves for intercourse, and learning the potential causes of pain and how to prevent it. I would not be in a hurry to explore vaginal intercourse until you have developed your sexual skills together. This too is addressed on the pages about Virginity. You should read through this information with your boyfriend.