Question: I have a quick question. I have a boyfriend but sometimes I fantasize about other men and women. The fact that I find some women attractive confuses me. I can't say that it is always sexually, but my boyfriend once asked me if I would ever have a threesome with another woman and I agreed. What is wrong with me? I love men, but I like to look at women sometimes too. Help me please

Answer: If you read through the masturbation experiences women have shared in the Masturbation section you will find many have fantasized about having sex with other women too, even if they have no desire to do so in reality. What does it mean, perhaps nothing at all. Prior to exploring sex with another women it is important to know if you are sexually attracted to them, which is indicated not only by mental thought but also physical sexual arousal. Looking at a girl and finding her physically attractive, pretty, is not the same as finding her sexually desirable; if their physical presence makes your heart pound and your vagina lubricate then you are sexually attracted to them. Of course you may simple be curious to know what it would be like to have sex with another woman, an academic curiosity perhaps, and this thought process is sexually arousing because of its sexual nature; you are thinking about something sexual so it sexually arouses you. This topic is addressed more on the Fantasy page, and under Sexual Orientation on the Q&A Subject Index page.

Fantasizing about men other than your boyfriend indicates you are a normal curious sexual woman. Having a partner doesn't suddenly mean you are no longer a sexual person or open to other sexual possibilities. It is like window shopping for cloths. Despite popular expectation, many if not most, women can and do find more than one personal sexually desirable. Women look just as much as men, they are simply more discreet about it, because society often frowns upon it, as women are not expected to be sexual desirous. Even if you are committed to one partner for life, fantasy is a safe way of trying sex out with others, and most do. Having a partner who fulfills your emotional needs doesn't mean you can't have one or more who fulfill your sexual needs too, in fantasy or reality.

I personally recommend women explore sex with another women, if they choose to, one-on-one in the beginning and to avoid threesomes. Men like the idea but often become jealous if their partner appears to enjoy it "too much." I have heard of more than one case where the guy gets pushed to the sidelines and this is not the fantasy they have been having, which leads to some friction and jealousy within the relationship. Girl/Girl sex is quite different and has different things to offer than Boy/Girl sex. Having sex with another girl is not like having sex with another guy, there are different physical and psychological factors at play. Both sexual experience may have different things to offer, and some women need all these things to feel sexually fulfilled. In some cases, it is impossible for one person or gender to fulfill all a woman's sexual needs and wants.

Please see the page about Desire, as it may help you to understand some of your feelings too.