Question: Um, I know this sounds weird, but my Mom doesn't talk to me much about sex so its been a huge relief to find your site. I recently asked my parents if I could get a dildo, but I'm a virgin, am I making the right decision? And what type should I get?

Answer: Having access to a dildo could be beneficial for several reasons, even if you choose not to insert it vaginally. When you start exploring partner sex you may not have the option of slowly exploring and trying new things, you partner may dictate the pace and sequence of events. Having a dildo will allow you to explore things when and if you are ready. You can do things like exploring its structure and feel, if it is realistic, practice putting on a condom, performing fellatio, simply holding and playing with it, and perhaps hold it against your body to explore what it may be like to have a penis. This may help reduce the anxiety of doing these activities with a real penis when the time comes. You may also want  to have a penis of your own, to explore at your leisure, so you don't have to borrow someone else's.

It is unlikely one dildo will fulfill all your needs, throughout your entire life. You will probably want at least two different diameters to start with, so you can slowly stretch your vagina or practice fellatio with something that fits a little easier into your mouth than an averaged size erect penis. Get one dildo that is about 1 inch in diameter and another that is 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Get dildos that are long enough to allow you to hold on to them, if possible, though 6-8 inches will do. While not required, getting ones that are realistically shaped may help you feel more comfortable when it comes time to handle a real penis. Many dildos come with a flat base that may make holding onto them easier; the flat base is sometimes used to hold them in place when used with a dildo harness.

What may help stretch your vagina slowly are toys designed for anal penetration. Many of these taper from a small diameter to a larger one. These are generally called "butt plugs" and come in three different sizes, small and medium being the best for beginners. While using plenty of lubrication, they can be used to gently and slowly stretch the hymen and pelvic and vaginal muscles over an extended period of time, if necessary.

Dildos made of silicone would be the best choice of material, though perhaps more expensive. If taken care of, silicone products  they will last you a lifetime. They come in many colors and shape so let your imagination go wild.

Please see the pages about Virginity in the Intercourse section for information about preparing your body for intercourse.

Note: It is perhaps unfortunate that persons under the age of 18 or 21 often do not have access to sex toys, as laws prevent their being sold to them, in the United States anyway. Which is strange since they can usually legally engage in sexual activities with a real penis, but not a fake one; you would think it would be the other way around. Certainly many teen girls would benefit from having access to items like dildos and sexual lubricates when they explore their body and sexuality. It may also decrease the pressure or desire to explore vaginal intercourse prior to being ready. Parents may want to review the laws in their area to see if it is appropriate to make these items available to their sons and daughters. You can give them a gift certificate they can use online or mail in if your want to provide some privacy, if there is a communication barrier.