Question: How do I give my partner a blowjob?Answer: This is a question I frequently receive but have been reluctant to address on the website. The reason being, teen girls and women are often too willing to give their partner sexual pleasure while expecting and asking for nothing in return. Many teens do not consider fellatio, the formal word used to describe oral stimulation of the penis, to be "sex" and are not apprehensive or reluctant to engage in this activity; it is "no big deal." It may be something she does with a "casual friend" and not just a "boyfriend". For some teen girls, fellatio allows them to give their partner sexual pleasure without appearing to desire sex and sexual pleasure themselves, allowing them to avoid the labels of prude for not being sexual enough and slut for being too sexual, i.e., being desirous of pleasure and orgasm.
Teen girls are often so eager to please their partner and afraid of displeasing them and rejection they will not require cunnilingus, oral stimulation of their vulva, in return. Teen girls should know they do not need a boy's approval to be happy, and trying to fulfill only their boyfriend’s expectations and needs actually can lead to the unhappiness you are striving to avoid, because you are not being true to yourself. In addition, many teen boys and men are not aware of or considerate of their partner's sexual wants and desires, and do not offer to give her pleasure in return; good girls do not after all desire sex. Sex must always be an equal of give and take.
Just as with oral stimulation of the vulva, every person is unique. To find out what your partner enjoys the most you should simply ask them. If they do not know, explore and find out. I know many young women are embarrassed to admit they do not know how to perform fellatio, but their partner will likely figure this out very quickly when they pretend otherwise. I would hope young men are willing to help women learn this skill. As with any skill, learning how to do it proficiently requires practice. While some women may be "naturals," most become good as a result of lots and lots of practice.
Some basic tips:
The reasons why women enjoy performing fellatio vary, but in general they like giving their partner pleasure, the sense of power they feel, the sensitive mouth is possibly a sensory sexual organ for some, and perhaps the scent and pheromones are arousing for others. Just as many men enjoy performing cunnilingus for long periods of time, so do women enjoy performing fellatio.
- While not a "high" risk sexual activity, there is a risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex so it is always wise to use a condom. You cannot get pregnant from oral sex.
- Relax, if you are nervous and tense the experience will not be enjoyable for either. You should feel comfortable looking at and touching a penis prior to putting one in your mouth. Use your hands to explore their penis prior to using your mouth.
- While you may find it surprising, almost everything mentioned on this website about stimulating the vulva and clitoris also applies to the penis and male genitals, so have a look around. A penis is simply a large clitoris.
- While oral sex may be "casual sex" for some, it is important to do it in a comfortable place and atmosphere. A woman should have a comfortable place to kneel or position her body.
- If the man is not circumcised, slide the foreskin back by lightly grasping the shaft of the penis with one hand and gently slide your hand towards his body. As the loose skin slides back on his penis the glans will be exposed. Go slow and be gentle. If you should find an accumulation of smegma or an unpleasant odor present, it is perfectly okay to ask him to rinse his penis with water before you continue.
- While the term "blowjob" implies blowing, one actually licks and sucks on the penis. Blowing on the penis is not enjoyable for most men.
- Think of the penis as a ice cream cone or lollipop. Look into your partner's eyes as you lick their "ice cream cone."
- The head of the penis is often very sensitive. Be careful of your teeth, as they could cause discomfort. Roll you lips slightly back over the front of your teeth to protect his penis.
- Frequently, the underside of the penis is most sensitive to stimulation, particularly where the glans and shaft meet, the frenulum. Use the line, which may look like a scar, running down the underside of the penis as a guide.
- You do not need to take the entire penis into your mouth, the mouth is only about 3 1/2 inches (8.9 cm) deep, for fellatio to be pleasurable for a man. We have a gag reflex to keep inappropriate things out of our throat. Grasp the bottom of your partner's penis with your hand(s) and leave exposed only as much as you can comfortably accommodate in your mouth. If your partner starts thrusting and causing you discomfort simply stop.
- Whether a woman chooses to swallow her partner's ejaculate is up to her. This is perhaps something that should be done in stages. A woman can have her partner ejaculate in her hand so she can smell and taste their ejaculate first, then eat it if she wants. If she is comfortable with this, she can perform fellatio until the point of ejaculation and have her partner ejaculate on her lips or face so she can feel the force behind it and see the quantity of the ejaculate; while ejaculating on the face of women is common in porn movies, it may not be appropriate for many couples. She can then have her partner ejaculate in her mouth without swallowing and then finally swallowing the ejaculate if she is comfortable doing so. Ejaculating in the mouth of a woman who is not ready for it emotionally or physically can be very traumatic for her.
- When your tongue, mouth, or jaw muscles get tired or start to ache, stop. Oral sex should be enjoyable for both partners. If you can only do it for few minutes at a time, simply use your hands for a few minutes and then use your mouth again. With practice you may find you can do it for longer periods of time. Do not try to impress your partner at your own expense, as you may come to dislike the activity altogether.
- "Deep Throat" refers to the practice of taking the penis into the throat and requires a woman to learn to control or over come her gag reflex. This is an advanced skill so the inexperienced probably should wait to explore this activity. While visually impressive it may not be pleasurable for all men. See the links given below for more information.
Fellatio is an activity some lesbian women enjoy performing and receiving, using a realistic dildo in a harness. A woman's sexual orientation does not influence what she enjoys doing or having done to her during sex. Fellatio plays a part in some role playing activities and butch/femme relationships. Its forbidden or counter culture nature makes it highly erotic for some. Regardless of whether a woman is a lesbian or heterosexual, or butch or femme, she may enjoy having a penis and watching her partner give her a blowjob, or giving her partner a blowjob. Many women, regardless of sexual orientation, are fascinated by penises, as a result some lesbians may and do enjoy exploring and playing with them, regardless of whether they are real or silicone. This does not mean they are harboring a secret desire for a male partner, they are simply curious and performing fellatio is very erotic for them.
For more information about performing fellatio please visit these websites:
http://sexuality.about.com/library/howto/htfellatio.htm
http://www.sexhealth.org/bettersex/fellatio.shtml
http://www.sexual-health-resource.org/oral_sex.htm
http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/fellatio.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/incoming/afell.html
http://www.sexinfo101.com/pm_fellatio.shtml
http://www.sfsi.org/answers/fellatio.html