Question:
How do I give my partner a blowjob?
Answer: This is a
question I frequently receive but have been reluctant to address on the website.
The reason being, teen girls and women are often too willing to give their
partner sexual pleasure while expecting and asking for nothing in return. Many
teens do not consider fellatio, the formal word used to describe oral
stimulation of the penis, to be "sex" and are not apprehensive or
reluctant to engage in this activity; it is "no big deal." It may be
something she does with a "casual friend" and not just a
"boyfriend". For some teen girls, fellatio allows them to give their
partner sexual pleasure without appearing to desire sex and sexual pleasure
themselves, allowing them to avoid the labels of prude for not being sexual
enough and slut for being too sexual, i.e., being desirous of pleasure and
orgasm.
Teen girls are often so eager to please their partner and afraid of
displeasing them and rejection they will not require cunnilingus,
oral stimulation of their vulva, in return. Girls should know they do not
need a boy's approval to be happy, and trying to fulfill only their
boyfriend's expectations and needs actually can lead to the unhappiness you
are striving to avoid, because you are not being true to yourself. In addition,
many teen boys and men are not aware of or considerate of their partner's sexual
wants and desires, and do not offer to give her
pleasure in return; good girls do not after all desire sex. Sex must always be
an equal of give and take.
Just as with oral stimulation of the vulva, every person is unique. To find
out what your partner enjoys, you should simply ask them. If they do not
know, explore and find out. I know many young women are embarrassed to admit
they do not know how to perform fellatio, but their partner will likely figure
this out very quickly, when they pretend otherwise. I would hope young men are
willing to help women learn this skill. As with any skill, learning how to do it
proficiently requires practice. While some women may be "naturals,"
most become good as a result of lots and lots of practice.
Some basic tips:
- While not a "high" risk sexual activity, there is a risk of
transmitting HIV through oral sex so it is always wise to use a condom. You
cannot get pregnant from oral sex.
- Relax, if you are nervous and tense the experience will not be enjoyable for
either. You should feel comfortable looking at and touching a penis prior to
putting one in your mouth. Use your hands to explore their penis prior to using
your mouth.
- While you may find it surprising, almost everything mentioned on this
website about stimulating the vulva and clitoris also applies to the penis and
male genitals, so have a look around. A penis is simply a large clitoris.
- While oral sex may be "casual sex" for some, it is important to do
it in a comfortable place and atmosphere. A woman should have a comfortable
place to kneel or position her body.
- If the man is not circumcised, slide the foreskin back by lightly grasping
the shaft of the penis with one hand and gently slide your hand towards his
body. As the loose skin slides back on his penis the glans will be exposed. Go
slow and be gentle. If you should find an accumulation of smegma or an
unpleasant odor present, it is perfectly okay to ask him to rinse his penis with
water before you continue.
- While the term "blowjob" implies blowing, one actually licks and
sucks on the penis. Blowing on the penis is not enjoyable for most men.
- Think of the penis as a ice cream cone or lollipop. Look into your partner's
eyes as you lick their "ice cream cone."
- The head of the penis is often very sensitive. Be careful of your teeth, as
they could cause discomfort. Roll you lips slightly back over the front of your
teeth to protect his penis.
- Frequently, the underside of the penis is most sensitive to stimulation,
particularly where the glans and shaft meet, the frenulum. Use the line, which
may look like a scar, running down the underside of the penis as a guide.
- You do not need to take the entire penis into your mouth, the mouth is only
about 3 1/2 inches (8.9 cm) deep, for fellatio to be pleasurable for a man. We
have a gag reflex to keep inappropriate things out of our throat. Grasp the
shaft of your partner's penis with your hand(s) and leave exposed only as much
as you can comfortably accommodate in your mouth. If your partner starts
thrusting and causing you discomfort, simply stop.
- Whether a woman chooses to swallow her partner's ejaculate is up to her.
This is perhaps something that should be done in stages. A woman can have her
partner ejaculate in her hand so she can smell and taste their ejaculate first,
then ingest it if she wants. If she is comfortable with this, she can perform
fellatio until the point of ejaculation and have her partner ejaculate on her
lips or face so she can feel the force behind it, and see the quantity of the
ejaculate; while ejaculating on the face of women is common in porn movies, it
may not be appropriate for many couples. She can then have her partner ejaculate
in her mouth without swallowing, and then finally swallowing the ejaculate if she
is comfortable doing so. Ejaculating in the mouth of a woman who is not ready
for it emotionally or physically can be very traumatic for her.
- When your tongue, mouth, or jaw muscles get tired or start to ache, stop.
Oral sex should be enjoyable for both partners. If you can only do it for few
minutes at a time, use only your hands for a few minutes and then use your
mouth again. With practice you may find you can use your mouth for longer periods of
time. Do not try to impress your partner at your own expense, as you may come to
dislike the activity altogether.
- "Deep Throat" refers to the practice of taking the penis into the
throat, requiring a woman to learn to control, or over come, her gag reflex.
This is an advanced skill, the inexperienced probably should wait to explore
this activity. While visually impressive, it may not equally pleasurable for all men.
See the links given below for more information.
The reasons why women enjoy performing fellatio vary, but in general they like
giving their partner pleasure, the sense of power they feel, the sensitive mouth
is possibly a sensory sexual organ for some, and perhaps the scent and
pheromones are arousing for others. Just as many men enjoy performing
cunnilingus for long periods of time, so do women enjoy performing fellatio.
Fellatio is an activity some lesbian women enjoy performing and receiving,
using a realistic dildo in a harness. A woman's sexual orientation does not
influence what she enjoys doing or having done to her during sex. Fellatio plays
a part in some role playing activities, and butch/femme relationships. Its
forbidden or counter culture nature makes it highly erotic for some. Regardless
of whether a woman is a lesbian or heterosexual, or butch or femme, she may
enjoy having a penis and watching her partner give her a blowjob, or giving her
partner a blowjob. Many women, regardless of sexual orientation, are fascinated
by penises, as a result some lesbians may and do enjoy exploring and playing
with them, regardless of whether they are real or silicone. This does not mean
they are harboring a secret desire for a male partner, they are simply curious
and performing fellatio is very erotic for them.
For more information about performing fellatio please visit these websites:
http://sexuality.about.com/library/howto/htfellatio.htm
http://www.sexhealth.org/bettersex/fellatio.shtml
http://www.sexual-health-resource.org/oral_sex.htm
http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/fellatio.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/incoming/afell.html
http://www.sexinfo101.com/pm_fellatio.shtml
Article:
Generation X's Change of Head
Article:
Teens and Oral Sex