Question: Hi, I'm a 17 year old male and I am currently involved in a relationship with a girl whom I like very much. Many friends have told me that she wishes to engage in oral sex. She has not talked to me about this (although friends tell me she wants me to know but she is just too scared to tell me) and she is very shy period, not to mention anything having to do with sex. I have never pleasured a girl before nor seen a vagina in real life and I am a bit nervous about what could happen. She has never participated in anything like this before either but I am afraid that if I do something wrong the first time, she might not want to partake in the activity again. I want her to like what I am doing and I am sure that she will feel uncomfortable about telling me what to do while I am in the act. I would try talking to her about it but because of her shy personality, I'm thinking that me asking her, "Hey, how would you like me to make you orgasm?" would totally weird her out. Any advice you could give me?

Answer: Since you are both just starting to learn how to have partner sex, ask if you can give her a back massage. Then ask if you can caress other areas of her body. Ask if she will undress partly or fully. Take turns giving each other a massage. Ask if you can caress her breasts, then later her vulva. Go slow, do not try to do this all in one night. When you are both comfortable touching and exploring each others bodies, explore oral sex.

Please see the pages about Virginity in the Intercourse section for information on sexual development and first sexual experiences.

Be careful that your friends are not misleading you about her desires.