Question: I'm 16, I've been masturbating for 6 month but I have never reached orgasm. Every time I get excited I just stop, I can't continue and it bothers me. I was wondering what causes it. Will it make sex for me less enjoyable in the future and is there something wrong with me?

Answer: Are you perhaps afraid to let go and have an orgasm? Are you comfortable being sexual and with your sexuality? What do you believe will happen when you experience orgasm? How do you feel your family and friends feel about your sexuality and your exploring your body? There are many things in a woman's life that can create a barrier to sexual pleasure and orgasm.

The sensations associated with sexual arousal and orgasm can be a bit scary. For many women who have not experienced orgasm, there is a wall they hit but cannot cross. For some it is a fear of losing control, for others they are uncomfortable with their sexuality, and others are afraid they will wet themselves, since the sensations that occur prior to orgasm can be similar to the urge to urinate. You need to have a positive image of your sexuality, and realize the sensations your body experiences are normal and should not be feared. It is okay to be sexual and the enjoy sex.

You need to learn to stay relaxed and go with the flow. Explore pleasure, not orgasm. You need to get your brain involved. You need to think about something that sexually arouses you while you masturbate. If you are thinking about what you are doing, orgasm is much less likely. Perhaps you can imagine you are making love to an attractive boy or girl at school.

I recommend exploring how to make love to yourself before exploring partner sex. Learning to masturbate to orgasm should make partner sex more enjoyable and orgasm more likely since you will know how your body works. Since your partner may not know how to correctly stimulate you to orgasm, not having a means of sexual release can be very frustrating, as you know.

You are young and it does take time and practice to learn what your mind and body needs. Many of your female schoolmates probably have not learned to masturbate to orgasm as well, so do not put a lot of pressure on yourself to experience orgasm.

Please see the Tips for Pre-Orgasmic Women in the Orgasm section of the website.