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Question: There was a question that is similar to mine but not quite the same. I am unsure whether I am heterosexual or bi-sexual. I am attracted to men a lot of the time but at times (maybe 1 out of a 1,000 women I meet) I will feel very attracted to a woman. I find naked women very arousing and when I masturbate I think about women a lot of the time. Until recently I have never told anyone this but recently I told a friend who has a friend in another state who is a lesbian. She called me and we have talked several times. The last time we talked and we both masturbated. It was a little awkward for me but I enjoyed it. I think I would like to go and visit her but I am not sure that I really want to have sex with a woman. How do I know the difference between being curious and actually being bisexual? I am afraid I will go there and we will be about to have sex and I will change my mind. I am 36 but I feel that it has only been in the last year that I have really seriously thought about my sexuality.

Answer: My believe concerning a person's sexual orientation is that their orientation is dependent on what their needs are at the time, and who is available to fulfill them. Your needs may be different now then when you were younger, and you may be more comfortable with your sexuality.

Fantasizing about sex with another woman does not make you bi-sexual or lesbian in of itself. Being attracted to a woman you meet in public increases the likelihood. It is hard to deny a physical response. Finding a woman physically attractive is not the same as finding her sexually attractive. Looking at and finding a girl attractive is not the same as becoming sexually aroused when you look at her.

Was your masturbation experience with your friend awkward because it was the first time you did it with a woman, or the very first time with anyone? Since you enjoyed it, why not try it again.

As long as you are honest with your friend about your feelings, you should not have to worry about the end result. Make it clear you are curious but unsure. Take the time to get to know her in person, go out on a date. Talk and make sure she is one of those one in a thousand women. If there is no spark, do not have sex with her. As when you were a teen, start with holding hands and a kiss. Tell her you want to be in control. Then explore body massage, then sexual touching, and then perhaps oral sex. Go slow and do not have any false expectations of yourself or the experience. Make sure she does not go too fast for you.

Be sure that you really want this and are ready for the reality that you may enjoy it and perhaps even prefer it to sex with a man. Some women try it but deep down hope they will not enjoy it and the experience turns out badly.

While her being a woman increases the chances she will know how to make love to you, be aware that lesbians are not automatically great lovers. Just because things do not click with her does not mean you will not enjoy sex with another woman. Do not base your entire sexual identity on this one experience.