Question: Hi, I'm so glad I found this website! I've been so worried about this!

Basically, I come from a Catholic background, which means I've been very sheltered about most things sexual. I've had the sex education at school but nothing about fulfilling my own needs myself. I was taught that sex was an act of love that should be saved. I'm 17 and a virgin.

That's not my problem, I've had guys try to use me just for sex and I'm not interested, I'm not ready. But I am worried that I can't seem to masturbate. Sounds very strange maybe but once I get down to my vagina and clitoris, I feel uncomfortable and insertion just doesn't do it for me!

I'm not sure I even know where my clit is!! I get all chills up my spine if I stroke my breasts and tummy because I'm ticklish but nothing particular below.

A few times, I've had the fluid that one of your articles talks about when watching movies that have some graphic sex in but I haven't had an orgasm. I feel stupid and abnormal. Please help me. Has my upbringing lead to me becoming afraid of sex? Will I ever enjoy it? How can I alter things now? I agree with some points in your essays but.... Oh I don't know! Help! I've reached sexual frustration and curiosity and I don't know what to do about it!

Answer: Being that you are a seventeen year old girl, I would say you are pretty typical of other girls your age, and perfectly normal. There are many girls your age who have not yet started to explore their body, even though they may be sexually active with a partner. In that regard, you are more advanced sexually than them. While many girls do learn to masturbate to orgasm as children and young teens, equally as many do not.

Many are taught the same thing about sex and what is appropriate. What you have been taught about sex in not necessarily wrong or bad. You should choose whom you have with sex (intercourse) with great care. Even if it occurs unintentionally, they could be the father of your baby. You do not need to love your sexual partners, but it is not a bad idea. Love is simply another way of saying you trust and respect someone.

I think it is great that you respect yourself and your body and are not going to allow boys to disrespect you and your body. It actually takes more maturity to acknowledge you are not ready than simply to submit to their pressure.

Please examine your vulva with a mirror and identify all the different parts. Have a look at Question 4 on Q&A page 1, and the page on the anatomy of the Vulva in the Anatomy section.

The vaginal fluid you notice when watching erotic movie scenes is probably vaginal lubrication produced during sexual arousal, versus female ejaculation. It is when you feel that wetness that you need to explore masturbation. Using your natural lubrication, saliva, or body lotion, lubricate your vulva and simply caress and rub your vulva gently with your fingers. Explore things slowly. Try to find out what feels good. Watch yourself in a mirror when you do.

You can also experiment by rubbing your vulva against a pillow while you lie in bed. Try it at first with your cloths on, then just panties, then nude. Slowly rock and thrust your hips and see what feels good. Try different pressures and rhythmes.

You can try water spray as well. If you have a showerhead that is on a hose you can aim the water spray at your vulva. If not, lay with your bottom positioned under the faucet as the water flows out at a comfortable temperature onto your vulva.

You can over come your limited exposure to sex simply by exploring it now. It is not too late to become a sexual person with a healthy attitude towards sex, while still remaining a virgin. I would advise you have a good understanding of your sexuality before exploring it with a partner, especially since they likely know little about female sexuality and what they do know is most likely incorrect.