Questions and Answers About Female Sexuality Volume 5: Questions 51-60

Question: I'm almost 13, and my mom still acts like I have no idea what sex is. Even though I have my period, she doesn't acknowledge that I know anything about it. She makes jokes about me to my aunt and grandmother when I'm within earshot, and it's very embarrassing and upsetting. Do you have any advice on how to break that embarrassing barrier?

Answer: This communication barrier can be difficult to overcome. It takes two people to have a discussion so it isn't simply a matter of what you want. Your mother may not be able to discuss these topics with you, because she never had them with her mother.

Has your mother ever discussed menstruation and sex with you? Was she comfortable doing so? Her jokes could indicate she is uncomfortable with these topics.

On the other hand, she could be really comfortable with these topics, more so than you, so she isn't aware of your feelings. To her they may not have the same meaning. It could be "girl talk" to her, and how her mother talked about her as a teen. She may like making you feel uncomfortable to some degree, a little teasing, as a right of passage; it is perhaps something she experienced at your age too.

You should tell her that her comments make you feel uncomfortable. "Hey mom, you know your jokes about me and sex make me feel uncomfortable."

She may also see you as her "little girl" and isn't ready to see you as a "young women." She may not be ready to have a teenaged daughter, as that makes her old enough to have one. She may not acknowledge that a twelve year old girl may be interested in sex, though she probably was at that age, or that you have a need for information on sex. She may see you as a twelve year old whereas you see yourself as "almost thirteen." You are wanting to be an adult and she may want you to stay a child.

She may not want you to know about sex, and if she finds out that you know then she may want to know where you got your information. You may then lose access to that information. It may have to be your little secret. When she makes these comments smile to yourself and say, "If you only knew." :)

Question: I was diagnosed with a yeast infection for the first time last year. I've had probably 4 or 5 recurrences since then. My gynecologist gave me a prescription, which helped a lot the past two times, but I'm really sick of this happening and the Rx is expensive! One thing I've noticed is that it happens whenever my boyfriend and I try something (sexually) that we haven't tried before. I'm not talking kinky stuff; my experience was very limited prior to this relationship, so pretty much everything has been "new" to me. We've been together for 2 years. I'm thinking that the "new" activities change the pH down there or something. But how am I supposed to get an accurate diagnosis? I've moved, so I have to find a new doctor, but no doctor will see me right away; there's always at least a 2-week wait, especially for new patients. I can't predict when I'll have another recurrence, but it seems kind of pointless to go in when I'm not having the problem. Any suggestions?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

When you become sexually aroused the pH of your vagina changes, it becomes less acidic to allow sperm to survive. If your partner ejaculates inside of you that may change your vaginal pH too. It is the normal acidic nature of the vagina that keeps yeast under control.

If you are able to masturbate without a yeast infection occurring then it is unlikely the process of sexual arousal that is the cause. If you always use a condom during intercourse, which you should, then his ejaculate is not the cause.

He may need to be tested to make sure he does not have a yeast infection that re-infects you; men get yeast infections too. The next time you go to the doctor he should go along and be tested appropriately.

If the infection occurs following oral stimulation of your vulva then the information on the following page maybe of interest:

Why does cunnilingus (oral sex) cause a bladder infection?

If your vagina is too tight, you seem to be inexperienced, there may be too much friction during intercourse that irritates your vaginal walls and makes you more susceptible to infection. You might try using a water-based lubricant to see if that helps. If you are too tight, trying inserting a suitably sized and shaped object into your vagina for 15-20 minutes at bedtime to help stretch the muscles. Simply hold the object in place while you read or masturbate. You should also learn and do Kegels so you can voluntarily relax your pelvic muscles. See the page linked to below to learn more about Kegels:

Kegel Exercises

If you are using a water-based lubricant containing glycerin, a sugar, it may act as food for the yeast, allowing them to multiple faster than normal. Most water-based lubricants contain glycerin. Some lubricants that don't contain glycerin are Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff, and Sensual Power.

Yeast is normally and always present in the vagina. It is only when the delicate vaginal environment is disturbed that you find yourself with an infection. Many things can cause the environment to become out of balance. Things like birth control pills, washing too much because you are concerned about your scent and taste, douching, and even the stress of exploring new sexual activities and fear of pregnancy. You are also more likely to get a yeast infection at certain times during your menstrual cycle, because of the changes in your hormone levels. Please see the following two pages about hygiene and vaginitis to learn more about these subjects:

Feminine Hygiene: Care of Your Vulva and Vagina

Vaginitis: Inflammation of the Vagina

You may also need to ensure the doctor is treating you for the correct type of yeast infection, which requires them to look at the test results. They may presume you have a common type of yeast so the medication prescribed isn't working correctly. You can test your own vaginal pH to see if it has returned to normal following treatment using special test paper available online.

You can purchase an over the counter yeast treatment, in the USA, but I don't recommend using them unless you are absolutely sure you have a yeast infection, and the selected medication is appropriate. I have heard they can cause harm if used incorrectly or if you don't actually have a yeast infection.

Question: I've found that clitoral stimulation does very very little for me, and me and my boyfriend have learned that G-spot massage has a much greater affect on me. Is it possible that horseback riding has desensitized my clitoris? I have been riding for at least an hour a day every day for the past two years, and weekly before that since about the age of seven.

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

I am not aware that horseback riding causes nerve damage to the clitoris. Bicycle riding may because the weight of the body is pressing on a much smaller area. The nerves for the clitoris run from the back to the front of the body along the pelvic bones. You might ask your fellow female riders if they have experienced the same.

I know other women experience the same and none have mentioned a history of horseback riding. I mention on the website that each woman is unique and that the sensitivity of the clitoris varies from woman to woman. Some enjoy vaginal or anal stimulation more than clitoral stimulation, because their clitoris is too sensitive or numb. It is a simple fact of life.

Please continue to explore to see what works best for you. Don't try to live up to society's or your peer's expectations, as they likely serve only as a hindrance.

You do not mention if you masturbate to orgasm using clitoral stimulation. If you do, then there is no nerve damage. If you don't masturbate at all that could be the problem and you need to connect with your vulva, as described on the page for pre-orgasmic women linked to below:

A Guide to Having Orgasms: Information for Pre-Orgasmic Women

If your clitoris is hidden within its protective hood then you may have clitoral adhesions that prevent the glans from being exposed during sex, or that prevent the hood from caressing the clitoris. The clitoral glans is most often sensitive to frictional stimulation rather than pressure. In a small percentage of cases trimming the hood surgically helps women to experience orgasm during clitoral stimulation, but this should the last option, not the first.

Question: Hello, my girlfriend has been masturbating while using a door similar to many of the people on your website for as long as she can remember. Most recently you posted about it being harder for her to achieve orgasm by other means. She and I are wondering if the lack of clitoral response is permanent since she did it for such a long time, or if she stops will it get better. Please let us know and if there are any ways to help her get off without the door, and used to hands, let me know.

P.S. I love your website. It provides excellent information. I truly believe that it is important to stay healthy, and some of the most vital and most likely to be damaged parts of our bodies lack a proper up to date education. Thanks.

Answer: I am happy to hear you enjoy the website.

The question is whether she has experienced an actual loss of clitoral sensitivity or if there is a perceived loss of clitoral sensitivity, or a lack of an awareness of her clitoris. Other women have reported a lack of clitoral sensitivity but they do not mention a history of using the same or a similar masturbation technique.

You should discuss with her her motive to experience orgasm through other types of stimulation. Is this something she wants for herself or to please you? Is this about her needs or yours? Are you placing pressure on her to experience orgasm? What level of need does she have for orgasm? How often does she masturbate to orgasm or feel the desire to? Does she need to experience orgasm to find partnered sex enjoyable and fulfilling? You need to consider whether there is a justifiable need for her to learn to experience orgasm through other types of stimulation at this time. How important is this to her? If it would be nice but is not necessary that is different than she is experiencing emotional and/or psychological frustration or anxiety because she cannot experience orgasm during partnered sex, or other masturbation techniques. If she does not feel a need for orgasm during partnered sex, other than to please you, then now may not be the time to try. Blame should not be given or accepted by either partner.

You might do some experimenting to determine the sensitivity of her clitoris, which will likely vary depending on her level of sexual arousal. After covering her eyes so she cannot see what you are doing, start touching and caressing different areas of her body; hands, lips, breasts, nipples, thighs, the surface of her anus, and the different parts of her vulva including the clitoral glans and hood. Use some lubricant, such as a massage oil containing only natural ingredients. Move about her body in a random order. Having her lay on a kitchen or coffee table may provide easier access to her body. Have her lay in different positions, on her back, front, or side. See how much pressure it takes to get her to become aware of your touch. Ask her to tell you when she feels your touch and what if feels like; pleasurable, ticklish, pressure, etc. Try using fabric materials with different textures like wool, cotton, or silk to stimulate her, and even try some ice. Observe her vulva for indications of sexual arousal, lubrication and blood engorgement; indicated by a change in color, increased warmth, and swelling. If she is sexually aroused is she aware of it, she may not be. If she is not sexually aroused, engage in some sexual talk to see if you can get her aroused. If she is not able to become aroused, lubricate her vulva with baby or massage oil and then try different types of stimulation; if a condom will be used later don't use petroleum based lubricants, as they cause them to fail very quickly. Go slow and spend a considerable amount of time doing this, a hour or two, perhaps on several occasions. She needs to be able to relax and feel comfortable. In a medical setting they have a small vibrating device they use to measure sensitivity. While not as precise, you can use a small vibrator to do the same; if battery powered use fresh batteries and make sure the intensity of the vibrations does not decrease as battery power declines. After using your hands, and having a good knowledge of what feels good to her, try using your mouth and tongue on the same areas of her body. At some point you may want to explore the sensitivity of her vagina, inside, but not at first. Perhaps later on you can explore her anus. The purpose of this exercise is to determine what areas of her body are sensitive, what they are sensitive to, and perhaps what results in sexual arousal. Her clitoris may not be her primary erogenous zone, as is the case for other women. If her clitoris is not sensitive to sexual stimulation then you don't want to focus on clitoral stimulation. While the majority of women require clitoral stimulation if they are to experience orgasm there are many women who require other forms of stimulation, and that is normal for them.

In the short term she can share her orgasms with you by allowing you to watch her masturbate to orgasm using her current technique. You can masturbate at the same time. Perhaps you can touch or hold her as she masturbates. She may reach orgasm quickly or she is not strong enough to make this a slow masturbation technique. You can make out and engage in sexual activities together and then have her masturbate using the door to reach orgasm, if she wants to experience orgasm during partnered sex. You want to understand and accept her current masturbation technique rather than labeling it as something bad altogether. You may want to move in a new direction but not make this about good or bad.

She may have to stop using her current masturbation technique altogether if she seeks to learn new ways of experiencing orgasm, if the exercises described above do not help her to experience orgasm through other techniques. She wants some sexual desire to develop and to allow her body to become sensitive to less intense forms of stimulation. She simply may expect too much from other forms of stimulation. The problem may not be the sensitivity of her clitoris but her expectation of the intensity of the stimulation she should experience when it is stimulated. She may have a super sensitive clitoris but has been doing the equivalent of hitting it with a hammer by using the door; a finger's caress wouldn't noticeable to her in this case. She may need to learn to experience sexual arousal more slowly, to get her brain involved, and to allow time for full blood engorgement to occur. No more quickies.

It is possible for muscle tension in her body to be the cause of her current orgasms, and her clitoris plays no part at all in her orgasms. If her clitoris is not pressing against the door then this is likely true for her. What she needs to do then is work on discovering her clitoris and the pleasure it can provide.

If she has to stop using her current masturbation technique then she should consider herself to be pre-orgasmic. While she knows what orgasm feels like she doesn't know how to experience one, in a desired way. The information for pre-orgasmic women on the website will then be of use to her. It is linked to below:

A Guide to Having Orgasms: Information for Pre-Orgasmic Women

Women who are pre-orgasmic are advised not to engage in partnered sex. This is because they need to focus on themselves and their needs. They need time to themselves. A partner becomes a distraction. It may take her a considerable amount of time to learn a new masturbation technique. She will need you to be a supportive partner during her journey, and to be open to what she discovers about herself. If you cannot be supportive or are insensitive to her needs you are more of a burden than a help. You can still do things together but sex is simply not an option.

There are a video and book titled Becoming Orgasmic. They may provide additional information, though the video follows closely my own advice page. Watching another woman engage in the recommended exercises may help a woman in her own journey. There is also information about looking at a woman's sexual history and prior experiences in the book and video, whish are not addressed in my advice.

Helpful Articles:

Anal Sex: Explores the Areas Women Find Sensitive to Stimulation in Addition to the Clitoris
Female Sexual Nervous System: Different Ways of Stimulating Erogenous Zones

Question: Is it absolutely necessary to use female protection during oral sex on a woman?

Answer: It is recommended but.... I don't believe anyone knows how great a risk there is for the transmission of disease through oral stimulation of the vulva. I am not aware of any documented cases of it occurring. There is a risk, but the risk is not as great as with vaginal or anal intercourse. The risk is likely significantly less; see the magazine article linked to below. The greater the likelihood of there being blood present during a sexual activity the greater the risk. Anal intercourse is considered high risk because of the increased likelihood of small cuts and tears to the anus during this activity. If during vaginal intercourse a woman is menstruating and her partner has an open cut or abrasion on his penis there is greater risk than when she is not menstruating. If a condom is used during anal or vaginal intercourse bodily fluids are less likely to be exchanged, and this is why their use is highly recommended.

There are many different Sexually Transmitted Infections, HIV is only one of many. One partner must first have the disease for the transmission to occur. If you are both virgins, healthy, and each is your first sexual partner then the risk is relatively low. The greater the number of sexual partners you and your partner have had the greater the risk. Some infections, like yeast, HIV, and hepatitis, you can transfer to a partner even if you are both virgins. Keep in mind many people lie about their sexual histories.

The thing that complicates the issue is that you may not know that you or your partner have a STI, this is the reason why annual gynecological exams are necessary for sexually active teens and women. If you are engaging in any sexual activity with a partner then you are considered sexually active, even if you are a virgin. I know a couple of my female friends have contracted STIs from their partners, but they did not know this until they received the test results following their annual exams.

Here is a link to a website created for lesbians, which I believe would the best source of information on this subject:

LesbianSTD.com

Question 1: Hi, I'm 17 years old, and my clitoris is big. It comes close to some of the pictures but its a little bigger. I've read that its normal and everything but I'm really self-conscious. Its like the whole thing is out, instead of a little bit. My self-esteem is low about it and I haven't had sex yet. please help me.

Answer 1: There are photos of clitorises of different sizes and shapes on the pages linked to below:

Female Sexual Anatomy: Clitoral & Labial Size

Female Sexual Anatomy: Clitoral & Labial Size

Photographs of the Vulva: Revealing the Normal Diversity that Exists

Female Sexual Enhancement: Enhancing the Vulva and Clitoris

I can't find my girlfriend's clitoris, can you help me find it?

Clitorises do come in many sizes, at times being about one inch (2.5 cm) in diameter and 2 1/2 to 3 inches (6.4 to 7.6 cm) in length. In addition, even if the clitoris is not large the hood can be, and it or both may project significantly beyond the outer labia.

Perhaps the most well endowed woman, in a way we don't expect women to be well endowed, I have seen, posted the following photos of herself on the Internet several years ago, before photo manipulation became so common.

Photographs of Layla: Exhibiting an Unusually Large Clitoris

Once you know you are not alone and are normal there is little that can be done to help you accept yourself if you are unwilling to. It is much the same for attractive women with small breasts who insist on getting breast implants because they don't see themselves as desirable. No matter how many people tell them they are attractive, have nice breasts, are sexually desirable, they cannot accept that fact.

You should know I receive letters from women wanting larger clitorises and men wanting to meet women with large clitorises. There are websites that are devoted to women with large clitorises. There are men and women who would love to be able to see and touch your clitoris because it is so unique. These men and women would love you for your large clitoris.

To help you accept your clitoris you might undress in front a mirror and spend some time looking at and exploring your clitoris. Consider all the things you can do with your clitoris that most other women cannot. In what ways can you masturbate that others cannot? What are the visual benefits of having a large clitoris? Ultimately, how much pleasure can and does your clitoris give you? If you don't already masturbate using your clitoris you should, and develop some skill and experience doing so. If your clitoris gives you intense pleasure you may find you value it more than if it does not. You can even imagine you are a guy playing with his penis. Don't dwell on changing what you have, see what you have can do for you.

There are parents who have their daughter's clitoris removed or reduced in size if it is considered too large, an arbitrary determination. When these girls grow up they are not necessarily happy about this fact, because they cannot experience sexual pleasure or their parents changed them in a way they did not and do not approve of. If you visit websites that address intersexuality you will be able to read these women's comments.

Will a guy reject you because you have a large clitoris? I would tend to believe not. I don't recalling hearing about any instances of woman being rejected by her partner because she had a large clitoris; one woman has written recently to mention her large clitoris did result in some very negative reactions from some of her male partners. If anything, a guy will be very curious. You probably will need to educate a partner beforehand that you have a large clitoris, and that you are normal and that others are like you. You want him to know before he sees or touches your clitoris so he isn't surprised. If he really cares about you, he will accept you as you are. Even if he doesn't accept you he may be curious to see and experience sex with a woman with a large clitoris.

While you may not engage in sexual activities with a partner because of your large clitoris this doesn't need to be the reason you give your partner for not engaging in sex. All you have to tell partners is that you are a virgin and are not ready to explore sex with a partner, which is true. You do not need to disclose your true motive. When you do become involved in a long term relationship and feel comfortable in that relationship and less vulnerable you can tell them why you are truly reluctant to explore partnered sex. If they seem open to the idea then you can engage in some non-sexual, making this clear before you begin, show and tell. Undress and let them see and touch your clitoris. I suspect this will be a much less significant event than you fear. If they do react negatively, first they simply don't deserve to engage in sex with you and secondly there are many more people who wont react negatively that you can choose from. It is not a matter of you making yourself into what others want, rather others accepting you for who you are.

At seventeen I don't believe you should be overly concerned about not having a partner or not experiencing sex. Keep in mind many of your peers are in the same situation, for many different reasons, mainly because they are not ready.

I hope this information helps. If you need talk about this some more feel free to write again.

Question 2: Thank you so much for giving me information on this. You've made my self-esteem go up and I'm not as self-conscious. now I have a another question. I don't have any scents but some times it starts to itch and when I scratch it, I get stuff on my fingers. Its not slimy or anything and you can't see it until I scratch it. Does it have anything to do with maybe a yeast infection? Or soaps? Please fill me in. Thanks

Answer 2: I am happy to hear I was able to help you feel better about your body.

I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

The itching could be caused by numerous types of irritants. Anything from washing too much, tight clothing, soap, infection, etc. The substance you scrap off could be dead skin cells or normal sebum production. Please see the pages about hygiene and vaginitis linked to below. With your vulva and vagina it is important to examine them frequently so you know what is normal for you and what is not. A lot of different things are normal, it is when there is a change that you need to be concerned. What are your normal scents, fluids, colors, etc.? This are things that are essential to know.

Vaginitis: Inflammation of the Vagina

Feminine Hygiene: Proper Care of Your Vulva and Vagina

Question 3: The sites are helping me out a lot and I thank you again. The fluids I sometimes get are white/clear but I think its normal? So I'm not to worried about it. The other stuff I was talking about, I cant really explain it but its like you said, it could be dead skin or something. but how much dead skin can a person really have? I mean I don't have A LOT of it but lets just say at night I wake up and I'm irritated. Do you think at age 17 I should go see a gynecologist just to check up or should I just save the money and hope everything is okay? Thanks Bye

Answer 3: The clear to whitish fluid is normal and all women experience this. The amount, addressed on the page about feminine hygiene, varies from woman to woman. It may change from watery to sticky during your menstrual cycle.

I had a twelve-year-old girl mention to me she experienced an increase in vaginal fluids at night, this concerned her. The amount of fluid may not increase at night but rather because you are not walking around your clothing may not absorb or wipe away the fluids that are produce. You also aren't urinating and wiping at night so that may result in some accumulation.

Are you experiencing itching or sexual arousal? Are you perhaps experiencing sexual arousal and you are mistaking the increased sensation for itching?

Are your bed cloths rubbing your vulva as you sleep? It is recommended that you sleep bare bottomed so your vulva can breath, that is so excess moisture can evaporate away. Sleep nude or wearing a simple night shirt. You may have sex dreams that result in your rubbing your vulva against the bed, your clothing, or bed linen, resulting in some irritation.

You might examine your vulva at bed time with a mirror and then if you wake up itching have another look. You will want to keep a small mirror near your bed. Also note your scent and how it changes. Musky or woodsy is normal, unpleasant not.

If you suspect an infection then I recommend seeing a doctor. Based on what you have said I can't say one way or the other. It could be normal or it may not be.

Question: I really like this site.... It was very helpful to my other questions I had. But the real question I have is... I'm 16 and I don't have an orgasm, or have any fluids come out like when I have sex (cum). I was having sex with my boyfriend the other day and my right leg started to quiver and shake. But then he ejaculated, and I was wondering if I was about to have an orgasm? Also, I am on some medication... Depakote, Risperdal and some birth control. Could these medications have anything to do with me not having my orgasm? I would highly appreciate if you don't mind replying.

Answer: I am happy to hear the website has been able to answer some of your questions.

I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

Sexual side affects were not listed for Depakote but were for the Risperdal. Risperdal may cause difficultly with orgasm, diminished sexual desire, and erection and ejaculation problems in men (or the equivalent in women). The reason's why these two medications are often prescribed would likely affect a persons sexuality too. Risperdal is an antipsychotic medication. It works by changing the effects of chemicals in the brain. Depakote affects chemicals in the body that may be involved in causing seizures, migraines, and mania. The birth control pill may also decrease sexual desire in some women.

Have you tried masturbating to orgasm? If you cannot masturbate to orgasm you are less likely to experience orgasm during partnered sex.

The majority of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse on a regular basis, if at all. Only about 25% of women regularly experience orgasm during intercourse.

According to the survey that looks are female sexual arousal that is on the website at least 33% of women have never experienced female ejaculation during orgasm. Those who have do so at varying frequencies.

The leg twitching could indicate muscle strain from the position of your legs rather than sexual tension. If you learn to masturbate to orgasm you will know more about how your body works and experiences sexual arousal and orgasm. This will help you understand what is going on during partnered sex.

Question: I have a few questions that hopefully you can answer... while I was dating my boyfriend, over a course of about 9 months, it really hurt when we began to have sex. Sometimes even right throughout.. Usually it was only when his penis entered me and the first few thrusts. We tried lubrication and extra foreplay, but nothing seemed to work. Sometimes it hurts slightly when I put my fingers inside of myself. The pain is at the opening of my vagina, and I used to feel almost a bump or fold of skin. I saw several doctors and they saw nothing, and everything seemed to be normal. But still the pain continued. That was problem number one. Then I started losing interest because the pain got worse and worse and I no longer even wanted it.

My second problem is that now we've broken up. We had been together for a long time. I've gone without sex now for quite a while, ever since we broke up. My days are getting worse and worse and my sex drive has increased to abnormal levels. I'm really missing sex! I masturbate several times a day, but cannot fantasize about anyone but my ex. Nor for that matter, can I have sex with anyone else. I've tried, and I just can't seem to find any interest past the point of simple attraction. sorry, this is rather long-winded. In simple terms, I'm having a sexual appetite of a rabbit, but when it gets to the point of being intimate with someone my emotions are blocking me from going any further, leaving me completely dissatisfied. I know this relates directly to emotional advice and realize this may not be the right place to come for advice, but I'd really appreciate it if you could help, with both issues.

One more question...since breaking up, I stopped using birth control. This has decreased my breast size drastically, and my breasts are no longer even the same size as each other. Before using birth control they were. What's happened?!

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

It is important to find a cause and solution for the pain you experience during intercourse, as this will either deter you from finding a sexual partner or the new relationship will be adversely affected, as was your prior relationship.

The pain may be caused by your hymen, which may still be partially intact, or vestibulitis, a generic term that applies to inflammation at the entrance to the vagina. The many potential causes of pain during intercourse are described on the pages about virginity linked to below:

Causes of Pain During Sexual Intercourse

Did you mention to the examining doctors that you were experiencing pain during intercourse, or presume they would automatically see that there was something wrong. Conditions that cause pain may not be obvious to a doctor, they spend very little time with you and probably touch your vulva as little as necessary to complete the internal exam. It is easy for them to overlook something that is bothering you. If the specula entered without you indicating there was pain they probably would not look for a potential cause.

You need to spend some time with a mirror examining your vulva and vaginal entrance. Determine if your hymen is still intact, even though you have engaged in intercourse, and/or the location of the pain. At 5 and 7 o'clock are Bartholin's glands that may become infected. If the pain is located in the tissues at the entrance to the vagina, or just inside, then please see the links that address Vulvar Pain in the Links section of the website. Here are the links to information on the hymen and vulvar pain:

The Mysterious Hymen Revealed

Links: Subjects Q - Z

If your hymen is still intact, or the opening in it too small, minor surgery may be necessary to enlarge the opening. Inflammation may occur, as a result of small tears and abrasions that occur during intercourse. You can stretch your hymen by inserting an object of suitable size and shape, like a penis sized dildo, at bedtime for 15-20 minutes each night. You can do so while relaxing, reading, or masturbating. If the opening is small you may need to start with a small object and then switch to objects of increasing size over time. Repeat this exercise until you can insert and move in and out an object of appropriate size. Don't do anything that causes pain.

I would not recommend engaging in intercourse again until you find a solution, as the emotional toll will only get worse. You will likely develop an aversion to partnered sex.

The physical pain may have resulted in you developing a condition called vaginismus. When you learn to fear pain during intercourse your body may automatically contract your pelvic muscles to prevent penetration and pain. The muscle contractions can be so strong they cause pain, and when your partner attempts to insert their penis the pain only becomes worse. For this reason, pain during intercourse should never be ignored or accepted.

If you engage in partnered sex in the future don't engage in intercourse until a solution for the pain is known. Tell a partner that you cannot because you experience pain, you are a virgin, or because you are no longer on birth control and don't want to risk pregnancy. You can certainly engage in other types of sexual activity that don't cause pain.

Your sexual desire may have increased in part because you are no longer on birth control, which can reduce sexual desire. Many young women experience intense desire. They may masturbate frequently as a result. There is nothing wrong with experiencing intense desire or masturbating frequently. In a survey on the website 30% of women report they masturbate one or more times a day. A couple women in their early twenties have written in to ask about the sudden onset of intense and insatiable sexual desire, so this may be a common experience for young woman, one that is not related to your personal experiences.

You may fantasize about your past partner because you still have feelings for him, or fear becoming intimate with a new partner because of the possibility of experiencing pain. Since the same intimacy does not exist with another partner they are not an acceptable candidate for your fantasies. Continue to use him in your fantasies but work on finding a new partner, but you should perhaps find a cause and solution for the pain first.

While a difference in breast size is normal I cannot comment on why they are of a different size after you stopped using birth control. It may have to do with the amount of glandular tissue in each breast. The hormones in the birth control may have caused more glandular development in one breast than the other. It probably is not abnormal even though it causes you some anxiety.

Question: The day after I end my period, my vagina is always itchy. I had checked to see what if there was some pubic hairs irritating me, but I found some tiny bumps a centimeter [ 1/2 inch] below my clitoris. They always appear after my period and last a couple of days. Is that normal? Do you have any idea what it is?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

The cause could be hormonal or chemical irritation. Your hormone levels are at their lowest at the end of your menstrual cycle. The vulva requires a proper balance of hormones to keep it healthy and free of infection. If you are taking medication or are on prescription birth control they could adversely affect your hormone levels. The vulva is very sensitive and anything other than air and water that comes in contact with it could be an irritant. The sanitary napkins or tampons you use during your period could be the cause of the irritation. If you use pads switch to a different brand or try reusable cotton pads. If you use tampons try pads, a different brand, or tuck the removal string just inside your vagina so the string isn't perhaps moving about as you walk. If your vulva is becoming dry at this time try lubricating the mucous membranes with vitamin E oil or another natural lubricant. Apply a thin coat each morning after your shower or bathe, and as needed throughout the day.

In the area around your urethral meatus, opening, can be several paraurethral glands, part of the female prostate gland. See the page about female ejaculation linked to below to learn more about them. There are numerous sebaceous glands, sweat glands, that populate the vulva that may become irritated and plugged too.

Female Ejaculation, the G-Spot, and Female Prostate Glands

Proper care of your vulva is addressed on the page about hygiene linked to below:

Feminine Hygiene - Proper Care of Your Vulva and Vagina

Question: Hi. May I just say that your site is a God-send. Without it I wouldn't know half the things I do about my body, and I would have been too embarrassed to ask. I have a very embarrassing problem, and the best way to say it is just to say it I guess. My breasts are completely different sizes. One developed normally, and the other one, the left one, developed years later, settling to about a cup size difference between them. This has plagued me ever since I was about 13. I feel uncomfortable in bathing suits, wearing only one-pieces in black to take attention away from how different they are. I don't understand why this happened, or if it's happened to other people. Will it ever even out? Or am I doomed to be lop-sided forever??

Answer: I am happy to hear the website has helped you to feel better about your body.

It is normal for one breast to be larger than the other. Some women have breasts that are quite different in size. There are photos of women with different sized breasts on the page about Anatomy of the Breasts and Body Image linked to below:

Anatomy of the Breasts

Natural Breasts

Your anxiety is understandable, as society gives us the impression and expectation that women should have two full round breasts that are prefect in every way; more like basket balls than living flesh. This is frequently not the case. This is why some women get breast implants, unfortunately.

The only way to get breasts that are about the same in size would be through plastic surgery, implants. I don't feel it is necessary but it is an option available to you. I know some women use padding or silicone prostheses.

I would hope others have more important things to worry about than the size of your breasts. A sexual partner should feel fortunate to get to see and touch your breasts regardless of how they look, it is very unlikely that they have a perfect body either.