Question: Hi, I'm an almost 16 year old girl who just got my period like 7 months ago. I know it's normal to not have a regular period for a year or two but I'm kind of concerned because I have been getting my period every 13-18 days for about 4 months and each time it lasts between 5 and 8 days. It seems like I've barely stopped before I've started again because I usually only have a week (sometimes 8 or 9 days) in between my period. Am I just worrying needlessly?
Answer: Please see the Q&A linked to below. The websites it links to address your concerns.
Question: I have great relationship with my girlfriend. We are both really happy and the sex is just amazing. Only thing is, I just found out that she actually never came, not even in foreplay. She also told me she never had an orgasm with her ex.
She tells me it always feels really good, she gets really wet and stuff, and she really likes it intensely (the scars of her nails on my back can prove it), but when she is about to come, and she is almost on on that moment, she says that it suddenly goes away.. She is really upset about it because she really wants to come and she keeps telling me that it's something with her self, and that I'm doing it perfectly.
The way I let her enjoy is playing with my finger by her G-spot, with the ''come here'' sign with my fingers. I always start slowly and then charge up the speed, and some other variations by the G-spot.
She doesn't really like oral, it doesn't get her really excited and she doesn't really like the idea of my licking there (told her many times that I actually like it but she just dislikes it).
Clitoris isn't an option, because it's oversensitive. When ever I touch it for like 5 seconds, she pulls my hand away.
So does anyone know what the problem is? I really want her to come and she wants it too. I already told her to relax, use imagination, try to flex some muscles there etc. Can you help me?
Answer: You and your girlfriend's experience isn't as unique as you may believe, but there may not be a quick and easy answer.
You don't mention whether she can masturbate to orgasm, and that is a key part of the puzzle.
The quickest and easiest solution may to buy her a vibrator or muscle massager, for her to use when alone and with you.
As far as her clitoris being too sensitive, perhaps she isn't sufficiently aroused when you attempt to stimulate it. Be sure to go slow with other forms of stimulation, physical and mental, prior to approaching her clitoris. Have you tried using a lubricant? If you aren't going to be having intercourse and using a condom, then vegetable or olive oil will work. You can try covering her vulva with a layer of plastic food wrap, perhaps after first lubricating her vulva. Stimulate her through her underwear, or try outercourse.
Stimulating her G-Spot can result in a new problem, as it often makes girls feel as if they have to urinate, which may cause her to be reluctant to surrender control and have an orgasm, because she is fearful of urinating.
Additional resources are linked to below:
how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
Q & A: Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm
Question: The author requested that her letter not be posted online, so to summarize: a young woman has at times been sexually attracted to other women, and has recently been flirting and sharing physical affection with a woman.
Answer: It is hard to guess at her intentions, because many heterosexual girls are
curious, physically attracted to the female form, and horny, but not
romantically attracted to other girls, or fearful of the morale
implications.
A survey on the website indicates many heterosexual girls play at sex with
other girls, but never go all the way. It is a very slippery slope. Seems to
me, if it was meant to happen, it already would have, as the opportunity has
been there. I don't believe you progressed to French kissing or second base,
but many girls do. Why didn't you, why didn't she?
You have to decide whether the potential benefits outweigh the risks. In
some peer groups it is no big deal if girls fool around, I don't know if
this is true of yours. If you go off to college then you can form a new peer
group or at least not risk alienating your current peer group.
Your attraction to her could be the result of the taboo that exists, rather
than a true attraction. Once the taboo is broken, the attraction and
relationship may evaporate. Can you kiss, and more, and still be friends?
Would you be friends if not for this physical attraction?
If you are wanting to experiment it might be better to pick up a stranger at
a party or club, but even then there is still the risk for a broken heart.
I wish I could provide a more concrete answer, but I can't.
Question: Hello, I was wondering about something...there is a piece of skin stretching over a section of my vaginal entrance and I was wondering if I can cut it. That way it will go away.
Please and thank you because that skin does not make me feel attractive and makes me feel deformed.
Answer: The tissue you see is likely your hymen.
The Mysterious Hymen Revealed
A couple wrote to me in the past and mentioned they had cut her hymen but I
don't recommend this, as you may accidentally cut something you didn't
intended to. I wouldn't expect the remaining to tissue to dissolve on its
own. As mentioned on the page linked to above, the hymen doesn't magically
disappear after the first experience of intercourse. The cut remnants would
likely remain until worn away by stretching and friction.
Question: I have met other women and have been part of an ongoing discussion on the labia minora of women. I finally found a website of women who like me, have no labia minora. This website maintains that all women have a labia minora. However, yes I have been to the doctor, and talked with many women who don't pocess one. They are not deformed, or in any way abnormal. Simply, different. I would like this website to please include a discussion, or forum, or even pictures of a vagina that doesn't have a labia minora. I think it's important to these women because we've been put down for years by not having extra skin in that area. All books, and medical pictures always show and present a normal and healthy vagina with a labia minora. However, there are a large majority of us who don't have them! I just want to help women with body issues understand that they are not alone, and having no labia minora doesn't make you deformed or abnormal. Thank you!
Answer: I mention some women don't have inner labia, in my article about the anatomy
of the vulva, linked to below.
Anatomy of the Vulva: Labia Minora
I'm believe there are photos of vulvae with tiny and absent vulva in the
Body Image section of the website.
Female Body Image - Subject Index
Question: Hi! I know that submission and all that gets me really turned on and I'm glad I found a thing. I know I am so not alone with being into that sort of thing, yet when I watch things like the movie Secretary and get hot and all that I feel sickened! Why is this and how can I get over my after feeling of disgust?
Answer: I'm afraid I don't know how to address feelings of guilt, which is what I believe drives your feelings of disgust, presumably at yourself. Here is an online reference that may be of a little help.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt
Something else to consider, on the website linked to below, 28,300 people admit to watching the movie, and it has a ranking of 7.1 out of 10. About 3 out of 4 people like the movie. So, apparently you aren't alone in enjoying it, and perhaps feeling varying levels of guilt as a result. You may have to consider why you may feel guiltier than most, and this is probably related to your upbringing and moral believes, or simply expectations of yourself. Are your expectations of yourself realistic and appropriate?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274812/
And even Roger Ebert gave it 3 thumbs up.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20020927/REVIEWS/209270303/1023
The solution is to see your reaction to this movie and subject matter as normal, and to acknowledge society is likely responsible for it, as well as the guilt. You are the lucky one in the middle.
Another thing to note is that what you see in the movie is all an illusion. It is a visual fantasy, not real life, in this instance.
Question: I'm a female, 17 years old and I have bodily issues. From all that I have researched and observed from my group of friends, I seem to be naturally hairy. I have hair all over my body. Arms, legs, face (lips, chin, cheek, forehead, sideburns that go down to my jaw, even little hairs on my nose), neck, full back, stomach, chest (nipples, on breasts, in between breasts), pubic area, and butt (cheeks, and around the anus going up). Is there something wrong with me? My parents aren't even hairy like I am. Is it a hormone imbalance? I know I should get it checked out, but I'm really embarrassed by it. I used to shave most of it off, but it grew back darker. I wouldn't really mind if it wasn't so noticeable, but it is! I can't even talk about it. When I get my face threaded, it grows and becomes noticeable in less than a week. Is there a medicine I could take? What about herbal remedies? I don't want to wax/thread/tweeze/shave the hair nor do I want to get it removed with lasers (due to the price). Do you have any suggestions? Also, I'm not hairy like the family in South America that people consider as werewolves. I'm just hairier than the average 17 y/o female (and even some males).
Answer: I'm not aware of any home remedies for excess body hair in women. The
medical term for the condition is "hirsutism". Here are links to information
about the condition.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003148.htm
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/hormone/210.html
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/skinandhair/204260.html
Question: I love your web site. I have never found such an open and honest discussion of sexuality. As a man, I thought I had paid lots of attention to learning about women and how to stimulate their pleasure, but there is always more to learn, even after 30 years of sexual experience!
One subject that is absent from your web site is infidelity. I know that it is a big topic and there are other sites dedicated to it, but I would really like to see it approached from your perspective - a perspective of women's sexuality. I am currently having an affair with a married woman. It is terribly difficult, especially for her. She is a moral person and believes that it is wrong and she really doesn't want to hurt her husband. But she can't stop seeing me either, and she is torn apart by her feelings. All of our assumptions about morality and infidelity turned out to be wrong - we didn't seek out a relationship, it happened because we found each other by accident and by the time we realized what was happening it was too late. We can't just stop seeing each other -every time we try it is too painful.
You must know that this is a very common scenario, but no one wants to talk about it openly and honestly. This woman desires two men in her life. People need help to understand that this is not abnormal or wrong, but a difficult situation that needs to be handled with respect for others as much as possible.
Answer: Your and your partner's experience is likely very common, more common than people and society want to admit. I'm aware of relationships in which the primary partnership doesn't fulfill all the woman's needs, her emotional, intimacy, and sexual needs. In some cases the woman's primary partner is simply incapable of fulfilling them, even if they love each other. Contrary to common social expectation, love does not conquer all, nor is love always enough. We all have basic needs that must be met, and social morality can't change that.
We all have diverse needs and finding one person who can fulfill them seems more a fantasy than reality, especially as we change over our ever increasing lifetimes. In the past women had an extended family she could turn to to fulfill all her different needs, today, families are small, have busy schedules and work in different locations. In the past women also formed close social circles for support, and while they exist today, I'm not so sure they are always as extended, supportive, or as community orientated. It may be groups of needy rather than supportive individuals.
Keeping a relationship exciting and stimulating over the course of several years or decades takes quite a bit of effort, on top of all the energy required for daily living. After a day or week of work, who wants to work at their relationship, their family? Who has the energy for it? Society says we should work at it, but is this realistic?
Affairs are easier because they don't take work to make or keep exciting. They may take effort to conceal, but that is also what makes it exciting, adventures. They are stimulating simply because they are taboo, and involve risk. As I mention on the website, a little fear can enhance our sexual experiences, as it stimulates our autonomic nervous system. We also want to feel attractive and desired, throughout our lifetime. On a reproductive level, while a male may want to protect his blood line, there is a benefit to a woman bearing children from multiple partners, as it creates genetic diversity, and greater adaptability.
People don't want to accept these realities. Even when everyone knows there is one of these complex extended relationships involving more than two people, the participants can't admit to it. We have to ignore the obvious, which is a strain on everyone.
These affairs or extended relationships are about more than sex, and need to be more than about sex. If they are only about sex, they are likely destructive. Even if they exist because the primary relationship doesn't and can't fulfill the woman's sexual needs, there is also an emotional component that needs to be fulfilled. Women do have flings and brief affairs, which can have positive aspects, but they are destructive if there is a series of them. Because at its core, this is about reproduction and raising a family, and what doesn't benefit the family, doesn't benefit the individual. What many find hard to accept is, a family doesn't need to be centered around one man and one woman to be beneficial, they can be quite diverse and extended, involving many mutually supportive relationships. Now, Utopia is more fantasy than reality as well, meaning every relationship has its challenges.
Question: I am 18 yrs old and I have never had an orgasm, not when masturbating or with a partner. I've only had sex with one guy, he was my boyfriend of one year. It wasn't very satisfying, as he did many things wrong before, during, after sex. Such as refusing to give me oral sex and refusing to cuddle with me after sex because I was sweaty. I think he didn't make an effort to please me at all. And when I masturbate I can't ever get myself to orgasm at all, I've tried a lot of things like a vibrator (which broke) and the showerhead. Nothing seems to work. Is it possible that I can't orgasm because I've never had a partner that never even tried to fulfil my sexual, and emotional needs?
Answer: Generally speaking, women who are unable to masturbate to orgasm are much less likely to experience orgasm during partnered sex than those who have, as they don't know how to have an orgasm. Your experiences with your boyfriend certainly wouldn't have been beneficial, but it doesn't change the fact that you hadn't learned how to masturbate to orgasm prior to these events. You might consider the reasons why you did not learn how to masturbate to orgasm at a younger age, and the possible impact this has had on your sexuality.
Have you tried rubbing your vulva against objects? Please see the article about Outercourse linked to below.
The following articles and information may also be of help:
how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
Q & A: Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm
Question: My question is regarding the clitoris. I have a very large clitoris..about 2" in length. I wanted to know if it is possible to shorten the length...as what probably should have happened during birth..and if it is possible, would it have any impact on the urethra or cause any other damage I should be aware of? Also, how would I go about looking for a doctor to do such work?
Answer: Please see the information linked to below:
qa_25.htm#q4
qa_26.htm#q10