Questions and Answers About Female Sexuality Volume 44: Questions 441-450

Question: I am 20 and I have never had an orgasm. There are only two occasions that I have felt like I was going to climax and both times I was being rubbed through my trousers and I felt a throbbing inside my vagina, but both times I stopped myself climaxing. Now I want to climax but I can't. My boyfriend uses his fingers and tongue and also touches me through my clothes, all are pleasurable but I get to a point where it all becomes too sensitive and I have to get him to stop. Although I really enjoy it I have never had the throbbing and feeling that I was about to climax. Have I created a mental block? Why does it become too sensitive?

Answer: This is a very common experience for preorgasmic women, but to the best of my knowledge no one has found a quick and easy solution that works for them all.

You have to ask yourself, why are you afraid of surrendering control? How much is too much, and is it really too much? You aren't going to break yourself when you surrender control, as your body is designed to experience orgasm, and will survive the experience just fine. Orgasm is a normal body function and experience.

Based on your prior experiences, when you were stimulated through your trousers, please read my article about outercourse, as this information may help you to experience orgasm, alone or with a partner.

Outercourse

Learning to experience orgasm is addressed in the following articles:

How to Have Female Orgasms

Anorgasmia: Absence of Orgasm

The article about the female sexual nervous system would likely be informative too:

Female Sexual Nervous System

There are also several prior Questions and Answers that address this topic:

Q & A: Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm

The quickest solution is perhaps to try a muscle massager, vibrator, or electric tooth brush over your street cloths, or a folded towel, allowing the vibrations rather than pressure or friction to stimulate you. Don't be afraid to thrash about and moan, and perhaps scream into a pillow, if it helps you move beyond the barrier to orgasm. Don't try to be all prim and proper during sex, alone or with a partner.

You might also experiment with your tub faucet:

http://wiki.voyeurweb.com/index.php/Water_masturbation

The following are less traditional, and some might say kinky, ideas to consider, if they are appealing to you and appropriate for your relationship, and the traditional suggestions don't succeed.

If and only if you truly and fully trust your sexual partner, you might explore mild bondage. You can configure restraints that allow you to slip free if you want or need to (create a non-slip loop at the end of a piece of rope). Perhaps you only need to hold onto something with your hands; a headboard, table, scarves tied to a bed, etc. You may want to bite down on a pillow or folded wash cloth, if you fear making too much noise, and screaming into a pillow may help you to experience orgasm, as screaming and vocalizing will help ensure you aren't holding your breath. You should also choose a safe word, to indicate you have reached your true limit:

Wikipedia: Safeword

While restrained in a comfortable position, your partner should provide appropriate, i.e. gentle stimulation, that is pleasurable for you, for sufficient time for you to experience orgasm. This may take an hour, especially if there is a slow teasing buildup, two hours if preceded by a full body massage. Your partner may need to coach (like during childbirth) and tease you, ensuring you are breathing and not preventing orgasm by tightening your muscles. They would also need to know if you are truly aroused, and becoming increasingly aroused, which may take slow and repeated practice to learn the indications of. The use of bondage and a safe word would allow you to fight against the restraints and to verbally resist, but without actually ending the experience and preventing orgasm, unless you really wanted or needed too. If you are afraid of losing control and making a puddle, as some women are, lay down some towels, jump in the shower, or head outdoors.

If you like the idea or feel naughty, a playful bare bottomed spanking might get the endorphins flowing, which will increase your pain threshold. The spanking is meant to be stimulating rather than punishing or physically harmful.

It would likely be beneficial if your partner can keep your brain focused on a sexual theme rather than what they are doing, and what you are physically experiencing at the moment. Watch some porn, talk dirty, have them read an erotic story to you, share sexual fantasies, etc..

A SINGLE glass of wine may help you relax and be more receptive to sexual stimulation, but more than that may have the opposite affect, or if it did work, may cause you to rely on intoxication to experience orgasm, which would be a very bad thing.

Question: I'm an 18 year old female and I'm still a virgin though my mom was very open to me about sex I have yet to find someone that likes or even loves me. I've liked plenty of guys even one right now but they always looked at someone else or thought of me as one of the guys. I find that insulting. To be honest I'm a big girl and a little insecure about my body. How do some of the other girls get guys to notice them? Is there some secret that I don't know. Please help me answer that anyway you can.

Answer: Perhaps the greatest aphrodisiac is self confidence. Those with good self confidence, perhaps as a result of knowing their own physical attractiveness (real or perceived), tend to achieve more in life, and acquire material possessions and social status others find attractive. Some shy people do succeed, but this is usually the result of having a skill valued by others, musicians and smart people who become wealthy, being a couple examples.

You may be considered "one of the boys," and as such, off limits to your circle of male friends. You may have to look outside your circle of friends for a boyfriend and sexual partner.

Making yourself sexually available to the boy you find attractive could be risky, as many boys don't need to like or love a girl to engage in sex with her. If you like the boy and want a romantic and emotional relationship with him, develop that relationship before exploring sex. To initiate that relationship, send an email, text message, or convey your interest through a trusted 3rd party. Or simply ask them if they want to hang out Friday night, as some/many guys like the girl who goes after what she wants.

Consider online dating to find someone outside your peer group to be a new potential partner. Just be honest, though positive, about yourself, and be sure to only meet in a public place, for safety reasons.

Is your physical size the issue? You say you are a "big girl," which perhaps means you are overweight, but could also mean you are tall or have a large frame. In any case, boys find girls with different physical attributes attractive, and some aren't concerned so much about the physical. I know of large women who date and who are married, so this physical attribute in of itself isn't a total hindrance to dating. Yes, we tend to glamorize skinny petite women, but not every guy finds these women attractive. Considering Americans are becoming increasingly obese, being skinny can't be a significant factor in attracting and keeping a partner.

I would work on improving your self confidence. What would make you feel better about yourself? Would weight loss improve your self confidence? What goals would you like to achieve? Set achievable goals, rather than those you know are well beyond reach. Find a new job, make a new friend, take a new class, lose 5 lb by changing your diet and eating habits rather than by "dieting."

I advise against using sex to gain attention or to feel attractive, as this would likely backfire in the long run, perhaps leading to sequential partners and decreasing self confidence. Don't be in a hurry to give your virginity to someone, especially if you believe this alone would indicate you are popular or attractive.

Question: Hi, I am 24 and have never experienced and orgasm until possibly recently. I have never felt comfortable masturbating. I have only had sex with one partner, my boyfriend of almost five years. I really enjoy sex with him and not being able to orgasm hasn't been the end of the world, but has definitely been frustrating for both of us. When he would stimulate my clitoris it would sometimes feel like I was close to orgasm but then it would either just go away or my clitoris would become painful or hyper-sensitive so we would have to stop. We are now doing long distance and I have not had sex for too long so I decided to finally bite the bullet and try masturbating. With a swift back and forth motion over my clitoris I was fairly quickly able to reach a new level that felt a lot closer to orgasm but I don't know if it was an orgasm. I've put having an orgasm on such a high pedestal that I may be expecting more than it will actually be. But basically there was a deep feeling behind my clit that spread down to my vagina and kind of felt like an opening or an expulsion but right before what I was sure would be the climax everything became super sensitive and I couldn't even touch my clitoris without extreme sensation/pain and body jerks. When it first happened I thought oh, I just had an orgasm and then was very disappointed but now I'm not sure and would like some advice on weather or not I have had an orgasm and if not what I can do to have one.

I should also mention that I have hyperthyroidism and because of that my hormones are out of whack and I am on a bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. (If the hormones are the problem is there any chance that when/if my body can take over it's own hormone rhythms that I will then be able to have an orgasm?)

Thank you so much for the help. I would really like to be able to figure all this out for my sake and for the sake of my relationship.

Answer: You certainly are not the first to ask this question, or have this experience, but it is one that is extremely difficult to answer, because the experience of orgasm is so subjective, especially for women, as they don't always or typically ejaculate at the same time like men do, though some do. Some of the prior Q&As are linked to below:

Questions and Answers: Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm - What Does an Orgasm Feel Like?

We can have unrealistic expectations of what female orgasms are like, as I believe all examples of female orgasm in the mainstream media are faked, as well as most in the adult media. As I mention in one of my articles, we teach young women how to fake orgasm, not how to have orgasms, and consider it harmful if they should be exposed to real female orgasms. If you are going by what you have seen in mainstream movies, yes, you may have unrealistic expectations of the typical female orgasm.

It is possible you have experienced orgasm, but given that you are still holding back and not surrendering control every time, it also seems possible that you have not. The following article addresses the subject of surrendering control, though admittedly from an unusual perspective.

Anorgasmia: Absence of Orgasm

The subject of learning how to experience orgasm is addressed in the following article:

How to Have Female Orgasms

Orgasm involves involuntary contraction of your pelvic muscles, the muscles you squeeze to stop the flow of urine from your body, and when doing Kegel exercises. Locating and gaining control over these muscles, and using them regularly, will help you to know more about your body, and perhaps if you are experiencing orgasm. Below are links to information about Kegels. It is very important that you truly learn control over your pelvic muscles, as some women mistakenly contract their stomach muscles, or other muscle groups. You may want to insert a finger or two to see if your vagina is contracting, while using your other hand to ensure your stomach muscles remain relaxed at the same time.

Wikipedia: Kegel Exercise

Mayo Clinic: Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women

This topic, and watching women experience real orgasms, has come up recently in the discussion forum.

Discussion: Orgasm Help

Discussion: Online Orgasm Sites

Some medications like antidepressants do impair orgasm without necessarily negatively impacting sexual desire and arousal; you can be hyper-sexual yet preorgasmic. Based on your comments, I don't believe your hyperthyroidism is the problem, though it is certainly a possibility. Hypo-thyroidism, that is decreased hormone production, is linked to sexual problems, as indicated in the articles the following word search identifies.

Word Search: Hypothyroidism

Don't forget your brain is the largest sexual organ, you really need to keep it focused on something that is sexually stimulating, rather than what your body is or isn't experiencing. If you focus on your body, orgasm is less likely. Try to find some erotica or porn that is extremely arousing for you, before you provide physical stimulation. See how aroused you can become without physically stimulating your body. If you experience impaired arousal, that is a separate concern. Once you start the physical stimulation, the mental arousal must continue at the same level.

If your fingers aren't providing the necessary stimulation to experience orgasm, consider trying water spray from your tub faucet or a hand held shower massager, or a vibrator, or vibrating device. Using your fingers is great, but at some point you may want to see if something else will work better, rather than doing what doesn't work repeatedly.

http://wiki.voyeurweb.com/index.php/Water_masturbation

You may also find the information in the article about Outercourse of interest, as it mentions how young girls may go about learning about masturbation and orgasm, without ever using their hands and direct clitoral stimulation. This may allow you to avoid the problem of being too sensitive too continue. I don't recommend this as the first option, but when fingers and partnered sex don't work, time to try new things.

Outercourse

Don't forget about your other erogenous zones, when your clitoris becomes hypersensitive.

Question: I have the following question:

Is it possible to reach G-spot without breaking the hymen? The anatomical diagram provided by you doesn't show the relative position of G-spot and hymen together. Can you please provide me a 3D diagram of this?

Answer: I can't provide 3D images, but the illustrations provided in the new article about the Anatomy of the Vagina show the hymen in cross section. The G-Spot can be located anywhere along the top or front wall of the vagina.

Anatomy of the Vagina

You would need to know the shape of the hymen, and the size of the opening in it, to know if vaginal stimulation is possible without causing changes to it. Seems to me, vaginal penetration of the type necessary to stimulate the G-Spot would place tension on the hymen, thus enlarging the hymeneal opening, and possibly tearing the hymen.

The Mysterious Hymen Revealed

If you are concerned about altering the hymen, then stimulating the G-Spot through the anus is another possibility, but one also requiring care and skill.

Anal Sex and Intercourse: Exploring the Pleasures of Anal Sex

Some women experience female ejaculation during anal stimulation even if they don't during vaginal stimulation, because of the angle of the rectum in relation to the vagina. The reason why is illustrated in the illustrations linked to below, though admittedly it isn't very clear. Observe the angle of the anus and rectum in relation to the position of the front wall of the vagina.

Illustration: Pelvic Floor Support

Here is another illustration:

Illustration: Cervical Fornix

Question: Hello I just stumbled across your site today and I'm loving it.

I'm a 37 yr old and I have been masturbating since I was 5yrs old. I was only using my fingers until about 10 years ago. Then I purchased Pollenex High Intensity Power Massager, similar to the Hitachi Magic Wand but bigger. I use to use it almost everyday and then I tapered off to about 2 or 3 times a week within the past 2 yrs. I've never in my life had a problem with climax by clitoral stimulation until about a month ago. I notice a strange sensation around my clitoral area, somewhat of a numb feeling and general irritated feeling. I since have not been able to reach a climax by clitoral stimulation. I've tried my fingers, my massager and I've had my partner perform oral sex on me and still nothing (he's never fail me before).

The numb sensation has gone but now it just doesn't feel as sensitive as it use to but everything else feels that same. I'm worried that I may have cause some nerve damage or other injury. Is nerve damage reversible? What can I do about this? Please help... I'm at wits end trying to get back to normal.

ALSO: I'm not sure if it matters but around the same time I was also diagnosed with Urinary Tract Infection (was treated) and I also I have Hypothyroidism but wasn't taking my meds as I should have been.

Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general information.

It is important to know more about the sensations you were experiencing in the area of your clitoris. It appears they were superficial sensations involving the tissues you can touch, rather than the internal structures of your clitoris. Differentiating between the two is important in discovering the cause. Deeper sensations involve the erectile structures or numerous muscles and ligaments that anchor to the pubic bone in the area of the clitoris. Pelvic muscle strain may influence your clitoris, indirectly. The illustration linked to below shows some of the deeper structures in the area of your clitoris.

Illustration: Muscles and Ligaments that Attach to Clitoris

We can't actually feel "numb," rather only an absence of sensation. If your clitoris was producing a sensation then it wasn't truly numb. We must clarify exactly what you were experiencing. Normally the clitoris doesn't produce any sensation during the vast majority of your daily activities. It is there but you aren't aware of it. When you become consciously aware of your clitoris, then it is producing a sensation. Differentiating between the different types of sensations you experience can be a challenge. The types of sensations we experience are addressed in the following article. A doctor would want to know if there was an absence of sensation, true numbness, or the experience of a new and abnormal sensation.

The Female Sexual Nervous System: Stimulation and Sensation

If your clitoris was producing unexpected sensations then it was likely irritated, possibly by an infection, or just mild irritation caused by fictional irritation, soap residue, or tight clothing. Antibiotics, prescribed to treat the urinary tract infection, increases your risk for vaginal/vulvar infection, as antibiotics kill off the good as well as the bad bacteria in your body. The hood of the clitoris may permit and conceal a yeast infection, and other forms of irritation.

The androgens in your body most likely have been declining since you were in your twenties, as possibly indicated by the decrease in your frequency of using the vibrator. Decreasing androgen levels may also influence the sensitivity of your clitoris. Androgens are addressed in the article linked to below:

Androgens and Female Sexuality

Hypothyroidism is linked to impaired female sexual function:

Female Sexual Health: General Health Concerns

And this Q&A:

Could my possible thyroid condition be the reason why I have trouble becoming aroused and seldom have a menstrual period?

This Google search turned up many references:

Google: Hyperthyroidism Female Sexual Function

Testing the sensitivity of the clitoris to stimulation is a challenge, even within the medical community, as very few doctors have the necessary training and equipment. The following article addresses the evaluation of sexual dissatisfaction and function.

Female Sexual Satisfaction

You might be able to determine the sensitivity of your clitoris in relation to the rest of your body by having your partner stimulate different areas of your body, while you are lying down with your eyes closed or blindfolded. The idea being that you don't know which area of your body they are stimulating, until you experience a resulting sensation. You may have to lie on the floor or table, so they have full and easy access to your entire body, without you being aware of where they are located and stimulating you. You would want to be relaxed and comfortable, not hot or cold. They then use different methods of stimulating your body, as described in the article linked to above about the nervous system. Using a small pointed vibrator may be a good evaluation tool. The diagram shown of a woman's body, indicating the level of sensitivity for each body area, may be a good reference. Comparing the lips of your mouth to the different areas of your vulva may provide good points of comparison. You would want to do the test more than once to see if the results are repeatable and consistent; your menstrual cycle and resulting level of sexual desire may influence the results.

You would also want to determine your ability to experience sexual arousal, which is likely influenced by your level of sexual desire. What is your daily level of arousal now, compared to the past? Do you still experience the same level of arousal and desire as you did 10 and 20 years ago? Do you simply need to explore new types of sexual stimulation, because sex is now boring? Remember, the brain is the largest sexual organ. With the economy as it is, what is your stress level?

I recommend exploring sexual arousal and your other erogenous zones, totally ignoring your clitoris. Alone and with your partner, explore mental and physical arousal, and mental and physical stimulation. Don't focus on orgasm or your clitoris, but pleasure and intimacy, and perhaps relaxation. Go away for the weekend, possibly watch some erotica or porn, act out a sexual fantasy, and/or explore sexual teasing and getting yourselves really really turned on, while avoiding clitoral AND penile induced orgasms. If your clitoris comes alive again, then explore its sensitivity rather than reaching immediately for the vibrator; your clitoris may require a change of pace. Remember to remain relaxed, mentally focused on sex, and don't focus on orgasm as a goal.

Another factor to consider are hormonal changes, as a result of normal aging, disease, and surgery. The tissues and vulvar/vaginal environment are very sensitive to estrogens and androgens. Other topics to consider and perimenopause and menopause.

Question: My clitoris no longer becomes enlarged, engorged, or aroused during masturbation or sex. I still desire sex and have no problem with lubrication. I had a hysterectomy two years ago, due to uterine fibroids, but the problem started about 5 years prior to the hysterectomy.

I had problems with this years before, but when I started on the pill, the problem corrected itself and I had gone 15+ years with no problems.

I am able to have G-Spot orgasms, but I miss the clitoral orgasms.

I have been to several doctors about this but received no help.

Please give me your input.

Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general information.

There are numerous variables to consider that may cause or exacerbate your symptoms. Everything from the passage of time to medications and surgery are factors that must now be considered.

Some variables that you didn't disclose that must be taken into consideration are whether you experienced adequate clitoral function during your youth and adolescence, and whether you have been pregnant and delivered vaginally, after starting the Pill and achieving satisfactory clitoral function. Are you still on the Pill, and is it the same type and dosage that you took originally? Are you being treated for any additional health conditions?

Clitoral erections in part require adequate blood flow. The arteries and veins that supply blood to the clitoris are different from those that supply the vagina and uterus, at least in the immediate vicinity of these organs. This means blood flow to the clitoris can be inadequate while still being sufficient for the vagina, and vaginal lubrication. This applies equally to the nerves that supply these organs and the G-Spot. Diagrams showing the blood supply and nerves of the vulva and pelvis are linked to below:

Female Sexual Anatomy: For Women Only

The nerves supplying these organs are addressed in the article linked to below: If your pudendal nerve has been compromised, this may adversely influence the function of your clitoris, but not your internal vagina and G-Spot. Pelvic trauma and childbirth may injure the pudendal nerve.

Female Sexual Nervous System: Nerves & Erogenous Zones

Female Sexual Nervous System: Orgasmic Pathways

When you started taking the Pill, the blood flow and nerve supply for your clitoris were adequate. After that, surgery and other variables like heart disease and vaginal delivery may have adversely influenced the blood flow to and sensitivity of your clitoris, as mentioned in the article linked to below:

Female Sexual Satisfaction: Pelvic Surgery & Trauma

Taking the Pill would have altered your hormones levels, causing them to be relatively constant throughout your menstrual cycle, rather than the prior cycling up and down. Your overall estrogen level may have been decreased while on the Pill, which may have decreased the level of the hormone SHBG in your body. SHBG binds to testosterone, making it ineffective, effectively lowering your testosterone level. This is mentioned in the article linked to below, in the section titled "Androgen Deficiency," subsection "Low androgen levels may be caused by":

Androgens and Female Sexuality - The Hormones of Sexual Desire

Depending on the hormone combination and dosage of the Pill prescribed, it could have decreased rather than increased your level of engorgement and sensitivity, as mentioned in the article linked to below:

Female Sexual Health: The Birth Control Pill

If the function of your clitoris had always been unsatisfactory prior to you taking the Pill then perhaps your androgens levels were always a little low and the hormones in the Pill altered your body chemistry just enough for things to work as desired.

In the article about androgens linked to above, it mentions how your androgen levels start declining in your twenties. If your androgen levels were always low or marginal, only made slightly better by the Pill, then normal aging would have caused the symptoms to reappear, even if you were still taking the same Pill.

The frequency of sexual thoughts and wet dreams would provide an indication of your hormonally derived sex drive, during the different periods of your life, which is influenced by the level of androgens in your body. It seems possible to have sufficient androgen levels to provide desire, but not satisfactory clitoral function. It may depend on the quantity of the different types of androgens present in your body that determines your level of desire and clitoral function. It may be possible to have one without the other. Perhaps the hormone responsible for desire is sufficiently high, but the hormone that controls clitoral function is too low; there are five different types of androgen hormones.

At this point, I believe you need to have all your androgen levels evaluated, as described in the article linked to above. It is also important to know what affect the Pill you took initially may have had on your hormone levels.

In the article about Sexual Satisfaction linked to above, it mentions the use of the prescription drug Viagra to help with diagnosing sexual ability. If taking Viagra has the desired result, then we know the blood supply and nerves of your clitoris are still adequate. If not, then perhaps the chemical(s) necessary for achieving an erection are absent. Viagra doesn't cause erections, rather it inhibits the chemical that turns erections off. You need to know if the "on" switch still works, by inhibiting the off switch.

You may also want to discuss with your doctor the idea of trying a testosterone cream on your clitoris to improve sensitivity and function. I recommend monitoring your androgen levels closely if you choose to do so. The articles about androgens and sexual dissatisfaction addresses this subject.

I hope this information is of assistance. I know it doesn't provide a definitive answer, but hopefully it will help guide you in finding an answer.

Question: Why does my pubic area itch and I don't think it could be a STI because I'm still a virgin and I don't have a boyfriend but it itches in the hair area and it is really annoying some times, I was thinking that maybe is for the hair but I read and found out that the skin in that area is sensitive to shave so what can I do?

Answer: Pubic Lice are a possibility, even if you are a virgin. You can get this from shared bed linen and bath towels.

English Language Websites:

MedLine Plus: Pubic Lice

CDC: Parasites - Lice

Spanish Language Websites:

Piojos púbicos (ladillas)

Piojos Púbicos (Ladillas) y Embarazo

The itching may also be the result of irritation caused by perfumes and soaps. Ideally, the only things that should be coming in contact with the vulva are air and plain water.

Noninfectious Vaginitis: Common Irritants

Feminine Hygiene: Care of Your Vulva and Vagina

Question: I would like to ask you something about clitoral/vaginal stimulation.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 1 year and a half. We are both sixteen. I discovered this website and used in order to obtain as much knowledge as I could about female sexuality.

Some months ago for the first time my girlfriend and I were alone in a private place. So we started kissing and after sometime we were both naked. I started caressing her body moving from her neck to her toes. I ended up stimulating her clitoris, and licking her labia minora. I could hear her climaxing, and at some point she started asking me to insert my fingers inside her vagina. I teased her for a while and then did so. I tried to stimulate her g-spot (not sure if I succeeded though) and licking her clitoris at the same time.

In a short period of time (she was lying down on her back originally) she raised her back and started looking at me, then closed her legs and tried to move away from my fingers. I stopped licking and stroking her and asked her if had caused her pain or made her feel uncomfortable she moaned "no". She told me to hold her tight, and I did. While I was holding her I noticed she was shivering, and went on for about half a minute. During that time she was pretty much unable to talk, she just pressed me on her chest held me tight. Later on when she was past that phase she told me that she enjoyed it a lot and that I was wonderful.

However I was not sure if she said that because she felt that way or to please me. It's been a long time since then and every time we meet she asks to caress her and she always ends up shivering. Most of the times she tells me she enjoys it and that I am perfect or something in that sense.

Could it be really that I am causing her pleasure or is she just becoming just too sensitive and can't stand me touching her or maybe she just wants me to stop because she doesn't eel comfortable continuing?

Answer: Interestingly enough I have not heard of this type of experience before. A Google search indicates others experience the same after orgasm, but browsing through the discussions didn't provide a clear indication of the cause. Her body is likely releasing muscular tension, tension not released during orgasm.

Google: Shivering after orgasm

I posted your letter, minus your contact information, in the discussion forum so others may share their experiences and comments.

Discussion: Shivering After Orgasm?

In the discussion forum I also mention that an adrenaline rush and anxiety may result in shivering.

Question: In order to explain it all perfectly, I better start off by saying I'm 19. I started masturbating when I was about 14, but brought myself to stop for religious reasons and haven't done it since just a few months ago.

Some months ago I started backslidding, I don't personally want to do it, but sex is addictive, so it's been a back and forth thing. That aside however, I was...very ok. Sex wise, I'd experience great pleasure, get lubricated, etc. however, the other day...something rather scary happened.

I was masturbating again and, although I recall it feeling pretty good, I did notice it taking an awful long time to climax. Like I just couldn't reach it. Now mind you, I had briefly stopped a few times during this, once even getting up and going into another room for a few minutes, so I'm pretty sure that sure didn't help, but it scared me to death and I tried to force myself into climaxing. It took awhile, but it did happen, but it just didn't seem to feel as great...

Later that day, I was worked up and scared maybe I wouldn't ever be able to reach orgasm again, so I went and did it. Although it seemed to take less time than before, I did reach it, so I was happy, and although it did feel more intense that the other one, it seemed to cut up pretty abruptly. Either way, I decided I must be ok.

Well tonight I tried and just...it's not like I'm enjoying even the playing with myself. At first I thought maybe it was gonna be ok, but I didn't seem to be getting real wet, or aroused and touching myself didn't seem to be bringing up a lot of pleasurable feelings. Which in turn made me stress out more about what if I wasn't ever going to feel pleasure again. Eventually I gave up, but now I'm real concerned. At first I thought "maybe it's just stress" and you do say stress can prevent climax, let alone any pleasure. However...then I read something else.

You mentioned the bike seat? Some days ago while masturbating, I chose to masturbate on rather...weird and probably not great surfaces. Like the corner of a table or sink. Although I did apply some pressure to the clit during this, during most of it, I had it off the furniture because it was easier to stimulate with my finger, but now I'm scared. Even though I'd say it only happened...sheesh 15 times max, is that enough to cause damage to something and prevent pleasure? I know one day in particular, I sat on something to masturbate and felt a real uncomfortable pain in around my legs and vagina (from sitting in an uncomfortable position for too long), I had my legs and stuff spread out pretty bad so it hurt and I figured not to do that again, but now I'm scared, what if applying the pressure so badly that one time did it? I'd assume it would take more than one really bad situation, but...oh, is this situation mostly caused by stress or what?

Because of my age and health, I'd assume stress sounds most probable, especially since prior to this, feeling pleasure was NO PROBLEM, but I'm still so worried. That time I sat down and got that uncomfortable feeling was a day or so before this occurred, so I'm still more worried I damaged something...though that didn't feel like anything severely damaging.

Answer: As you state, a good part of the problem appears to be a general level of stress or anxiety, which is likely unrelated to the masturbation, but worsened by guilt about masturbation. Masturbation only helps relieve light to moderate tension, but wont help with tension of a level that is in of itself a distraction or physical impairment. An orgasm may help you relax sufficiently to fall asleep, but a high degree of nervous tension or anxiety can impair the process of arousal and orgasm, as your mind and body are in a defensive state.

Wikipedia: Anxiety

You may also have over done things a bit physically, but your body should recover in a few days. Other women have reported temporary loss of sensitivity after getting a bit carried away, but normal sensation returned after a short break. Your loss of sensation likely added to the preexisting stress/anxiety, adversely affecting your overall emotional state.

Physical exercise may help with the stress, but anxiety will have to be addressed directly, as should ideally the cause of the stress. Getting caught up on rest and relaxation may also help

You may also have been thinking too much, and need to focus on sexual and erotic thoughts, images, or porn, to keep your brain focused on and aroused by sex.

If one erogenous zones isn't working so well, explore others, and new ways of stimulating them.

Female Sexual Nervous System: Nerves & Erogenous Zones

The Female Sexual Nervous System: Stimulation and Sensation

Question: Good day, Thank you for your most informative site. As a man, I've certainly learnt a lot more about the opposite sex. I've just started a new relationship and my new girlfriend is into Urethral insertion, but I know nothing about it.

Can you please direct me to a web-site that will give me further information about urethral insertion and urethral play, as I don't want to do anything that will hurt or harm my girlfriend.

Answer: The following information addresses nontraditional sex practices, and activities for which the body isn't truly designed, and for which there are medical risks. I'm not recommending them, simply acknowledging that people engage in them. Urinary tract infections and perforation of the urethra are a possibility.

A visitor to the website sent me the following link:

Urethral-Play

There is also this discussion group and thread:

Female Pee Hole Stretch