Question: I have had an okay number of orgasms since I started masturbating (approx. 2 months ago). Yep, I'm a beginner! I have tried to have an orgasm by masturbating in my vagina. It doesn't work for me. I get really frustrated sometimes.

My friend fingered herself and said that there's a "spongy" feeling like at the top of her vagina. Not for me! I don't know what she's talking about, or if there even is any "spongy" stuff!

I've read the section of techniques on how to masturbate. Most of them I can't do. I don’t have the right showerhead, I don’t have a vibrator, even though I want one really badly! There's no way I could have one because I can't have it show up on my door step and have my parents open it or ask me what it is! I don't have any access to a store or anything that would sell them either.

I just basically massage my left labia I guess I'd call it, which I think massages my clitoris. I get orgasms, but they're not all that strong, and last for maybe 2-5 seconds. It's sometimes disappointing, and I often wonder what I could do to make things feel better...but nothing seems to work.

Also, I have this really big issue about not having a boyfriend. I have never had a boyfriend, and I feel so ugly. Even though I get compliments a lot saying that I'm pretty, I just don’t see it. I know people say to just believe that I am beautiful and everything, but if I just don't see it, then how would I know I'm beautiful?!?! This probably sounds really mean and immature, which it is...but the only people that have ever asked me out are really ugly, and most of them are geeks. I know that it shouldn't matter what "status" they have at school, but seriously, in today's world, it seems like that makes all the difference. Even if they weren't geeky, I still thought they were...well..not attractive! It I guess makes me jealous when girls find guys that like them, and the girls find their boyfriends attractive as well! Why can't I have that?!?! It has really been getting me depressed over the past year. I talk to my parents about it, but I don’t think they understand the realness of it! They say "why do you think you are ugly, you're really pretty" ya da ya da ya da. Ya know how that goes?

Well, I just seem like there's no way out! I want to go back to Australia more than ever now, because I'm not feeling good here. I've tried everything, even going into the exchange program, in my own country!, but then there's money involved in that, and so on. I'm really feeling bad. I talk to friends, but it makes no difference. Can you help?

Answer: The spongy tissue your girlfriend is talking about is her G-spot. It is the tissue that surrounds the female urethra. Please read the page about Female Ejaculation in the Orgasm section.

In regard to masturbation, to have more intense orgasms you need to tease yourself and build up to orgasm slowly. You need to get your brain involved. You do this by fantasizing, reading erotic stories, or watching sexy shows on TV. Also, remember to breath and stay relaxed. Strengthening your pelvic muscles by doing Kegel exercises will also help as well. There are links to information on Kegels on the Links page.

Often, it is the most attractive women and teens who are the most insecure about their body. Why don't your believe your friends? Being found attractive by others is more an issue of self-confidence than actual body shape and size. If you feel confident and attractive, that is how others see you.

My recommendation is to ask the boy out. If you find a boy attractive and interesting, ask him out. It is no fun to be turned down, but then neither is staying home. Most boys do not have the self-confidence to ask an attractive girl out. Many girls who are thought to be beautiful by their peers actually date less than the average looking girls for this reason.

The other thing to do is to join clubs or become a member of a team at school

Isn't dating a geek better than staying home alone?