Question: I guess before I ask my question I should give you a little background about my situation. My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two beautiful children ages 6 and 4 years old. We have shared a mutually satisfying sexual relationship up until just after our second child was born. My wife was diagnosed with Graves disease and I think this is probably when our problems began. I'm not sure if the second childbirth didn't rearranged her clitoris to where it wasn't getting stimulated the same as before, or if the Graves disease caused some type of problem. But, before this point we didn't even know what vaginal dryness was and she experienced an orgasm every time we had intercourse. I couldn't understand why the same thing that worked for years before was only working some of the time now. So, I took to the Internet. This is when I found your site. The vaginal dryness was easy to overcome. However, regaining full control of her orgasms has been somewhat of a challenge to say the least. We tried different positions but the only one that she says does anything for her is the missionary position. Is this possible or is she just embarrassed or maybe not willing to put forth the effort? She will let me give her clitoral massage and perform orally, but usually stops me before she orgasm, because she prefers to orgasm from intercourse. The problem is that most of the time when I stop massaging and have intercourse, she doesn't have an orgasm. For about the last year she has had more orgasms than not, however, things look like they are turning back around again and now she has fewer and none. I am beating my head against the wall trying to figure out what the problem is. When I ask her, she just says I don't know why I cant have an orgasms. Is this true? My question is should I just drop the issue, give up and not care or keep trying? Its seams that it is a bigger deal to me than her. Should I insist that she discusses it with me to find out if its because I'm 10 pounds overweight and she isn't attracted to me. Should I just have sex and not care if she orgasms or not? If you have any advice I would really appreciate it. I am starting to feel like I am making a bigger deal of this than it really is.

Answer: As I mention on the Health page of the website, thyroid conditions can negatively affect a woman's sexuality. I do not have additional information on the subject, other than what I present there. I would recommend that she insist on a doctor testing all her hormone levels. She may need to be prescribed testosterone in a low dosage.

Having one child may be very taxing on a woman, and two children twice as much. Women tend to do more than their share of taking care of the children and household, in addition to their "job." Be sure she is not over doing things. Make her take time for herself, away from you and the kids. Mothers frequently do not have the close circle of mothers, aunts, and grandmothers available to assist them, that they once did. She may simply be too tired to be sexual.

There are women who believe that a "mother" is not sexual, she is maternal, that mothers do not have "sex." You might want to find out what role she feels sex should play in her life now that she is a mother of two children.

There are women who insist on having vaginal orgasms, believing everything else in immature. You might tactfully ask why she prefers her orgasms to be vaginal. She may find her clitoris too sensitive when she is near orgasm to permit its direct stimulation. If this is the case, have her leave her panties on or cover her vulva with a layer of plastic food wrap. Engaging in outercourse is a possibility.

What you might try is buying a dildo and inserting it into her vagina while you orally or manually stimulate her vulva. She may enjoy her orgasms more if her vagina has something to grasp.

You may want to get the whole family involved in a physical activity, like walking or swimming. This will be good for your health and family bonding. Changing your diet will help as well. More fruits and vegetables and fewer sweets. With kids around we tend to keep more sugary snacks around, which is not good for us, or the kids.