Question: I am a seventeen year old girl who has been having vaginal intercourse with my boyfriend for several months. Each time the initial penetration hurts and tears the bottom of the opening of my vagina. It feels like my whole vagina is on fire. Usually afterwards if I look I can see blood and sometimes I think I can see where the tissue is torn. After the initial penetration I enjoy sex. In some positions he can't even enter it hurts too much, so usually I put my legs over his shoulders and fold my body in half. I haven't found any descriptions of sexual dissatisfaction similar to my own and many sites just tell me that I'm not engaging in enough foreplay, but I never attempt sex unless I am fully aroused and wet. I was hoping you could help me fix this problem, it's getting to the point where my boyfriend sometimes loses his erection because he can see that he is hurting me. Or is it just that I have an abnormally small vaginal opening?
Answer: Several Q&As presented on the website address this topic.
qa_index_pain.htm
The many possible causes for pain during intercourse are mentioned in the
article linked to below:
virgin1.htm
virgin2.htm#pain1
virgin3.htm#pain2
Perhaps you have a hymen that doesn't stretch, rather it repeatedly tears in the same place, which happens to be the
weakest point. You need to examine your vulva and determine the state of
your hymen.
hymen.htm
A doctor may need to removed your hymen if it is an obstacle to penetration.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymenotomy
The following article may also be of help.
loc_vag.htm
As stated on the website several times, you should stop engaging in intercourse until
you determine a cause and a solution, as otherwise you may develop
vaginismus, and your boyfriend erectile dysfunction.
Question: Hi, I'm turning 19 in a week and have been having sex for two years now without a single orgasm. I finally invested in a good vibrator and think I have given myself an orgasm, but I'm not sure. Can you guys help me?
When trying it out with my boyfriend, I as usual got intense pleasure (so intense I couldn't take it, and had to be held down), then got the urge to pee. Hoping it was an orgasm, I let it go. I squirted all over the place and felt really good afterward, but I was expecting to feel contractions in my vagina and such, so I wasn't sure. Later while masturbating, I was able to make myself squirt again, but with an even weaker amount of pleasure. Both times I was stimulating my clitoris, and not my g-spot, which I would expect to cause squirting.
So my two questions to you guys are: Do you think I am having (weak) orgasms? And is it possible for girls to squirt almost every, or every time they have an orgasm, without g-spot stimulation? (Even if they are weak orgasms, I am super happy to finally be having them!)
Thanks in advance for the help, and let me remind you that this site is a great recourse, and I love you for making it!
Answer: Congratulations on discovering increased pleasure and learning on how to
surrender control.
Your experience of feeling as if you have to urinate during sexual
stimulation is a common experience, and one mentioned in the article I
recently added to the website. This article also mentions the need to surrender
control, which you appear to have learned for yourself.
anorgasmia_absence_of_orgasm.htm
Female orgasms come in many shapes and sizes. Women don't experience or
perceive them the same. The results of the following survey provide an
indication of the different types of orgasms women experience while
masturbating.
Current Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/185039/results
Closed Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/185040/results
Did you have an orgasm, probably, during partnered sex, as not only was
there the release of fluid but also increased pleasure. Something had to push the
fluid out and cause the pleasure. You may not have experienced orgasm while
masturbating, especially if you "tried" too hard to have an orgasm or ejaculate. Or it
may simply have been a less intense orgasm, if there was less sexual
arousal and tension than during partnered sex, especially if you reach
orgasm/ejaculation rather quickly while masturbating.
Women have different experiences when it comes to their ejaculations,
some say they "cum" then later on experience orgasm, which is to say they release
liquid during sexual arousal, prior to experiencing orgasm, others release only fluid, or
also, during orgasm. A woman about your age mentioned in the discussion
forum that she was just learning to masturbate and was releasing fluid
frequently and in large amounts. It sounded as she was simply gushing as
soon as she started stimulating herself, and possibly when thinking about
sex.
As I mention on the website, orgasms are simply one form of pleasure, not
necessarily the best or most rewarding form of pleasure. You don't want to focus on "orgasm,"
but rather pleasure. You have to value pleasure, not just orgasm.
q_orgasm.htm
As mentioned in the article linked to first, the muscle contractions
associated with orgasm can expel liquid from the body regardless of what
type of stimulation caused the orgasm. Ejaculation does seem more likely when
the G-Spot is stimulated. Some women have to gently caress and stroke their
G-Spot in order to awaken it, and before it produces pleasure. This may take
an investment in time and repetition.
Question: Hi, I'm 19 years old and in an amazing relationship.
Before I had sex I was always able to orgasm very easily, but since I've been with partners I've only been able to come when masturbating and even then its very difficult. As I get close I feel this pressure, not in a good way, that hurts my head and then it mostly stops me from coming. My question is basically is this a physical or psychological problem? I have depression and low self esteem and I am on anti depressants (my doctor said they may affect that) but my partner is amazing, he turns me on so much and he went down on me for an hour the other night and I just felt so close the whole time. I always get to the brink but just cant get over the line.
Answer: I would need to know the sequence of events, when you started masturbating,
exploring partnered sex, and then started receiving treatment for
depression to begin to guess at a connection.
Guilt about masturbating when you have a sexual partner may impair your
sexual responses and prevent orgasm while masturbating.
Antidepressant medications are known to prevent orgasm in many individuals,
and may also adversely influence sexual desire. This may explain your recent
experience during oral sex. You can talk to your doctor about trying a
different medication. Some women have had luck using a powerful vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand.
The cause of your experience is likely a mixture of physical and psychological factors at this point.
The medication may impair your sexuality, which lowers your self-esteem, increasing your depression, which impairs your sexuality even more.
Question: I am considering buying my first vibrator. I have experimented with electric toothbrushes and vibrating razors in the past. However, I have not tried a vibrator. The only problem I have is that I will be living in a college dorm where the walls are thin. I'm looking for something quiet (and preferably waterproof). I'm not expecting a vibrator to be silent (I'm not going to masturbate with my roommates in the room), but I do need something quiet enough to not cause suspicion. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for a quiet first vibrator? Thank you.
Answer: I don't know which vibrators are the quietest while still providing the
desired level of stimulation. My general advice is to buy a battery powered
Pocket Rocket style vibe or the electric Hitachi Magic Wand; these
suggestions are based on performance, not noise levels. Unfortunately
neither of these is waterproof.
I just did some quick testing with the I-Vibe Pocket Rocket made by Doc
Johnson, which states on the package that it is, "The Quietest, most
compact." While holding it in your hand it produces a distinctive buzz, and
if you set it down on a bed and walk a couple steps away you can still hear
it quite clearly, but once I stepped outside the room and closed the door I
couldn't hear it, even standing right next to the door. What you can hear
during use may not provide an accurate indication of what others can hear.
You may need to do the same type of testing to determine whether the
vibrator is appropriate for you, and the environment you use it in.
There was no background noise during this test, so having music or a TV
playing softly in the background would mask the sound it makes even more.
The amount of noise produced depends greatly on what the vibrator is
touching at the time, a soft blanket may decrease the noise more than a firm
pillow. Placing a vibrator on or under a pillow, and then pressing your
vulva against it may reduce the amount of sound produced, depending on the
characteristics of the pillow.
On the web page linked to below the I-Vibe Pocket Rocket got a sound rating
of 2, while the Hitachi Magic Wand got a rating of 3.
Web Page Removed
You could also buy a vibrator for each of your roommates and then not
concern yourself about whether they can hear yours. ;-)
Question: I am 28 years old. Until recently I had never had a sexual relationship. People have often asked me why I don't have boyfriend and I have never quite known myself. I figured that I just was not a sexual person and resigned myself to that. Last year however, a friend told me that the pill can reduce sexual feelings. Since I was 17 I have been on the Dianne ED pill for acne. It is similar to the contraceptive pill, but also contains an androgen blocker. I have now been off the pill for nine months after reading on the internet that it can kill your libido. My skin is not perfect but ok, and I think I'm starting to have some sexual desire although I could be imagining it. It reminds me of when I was 17 and I used to laze around in bed and fantasize in my head and touch my body. I didn't realize those were sexual feelings and once I even had an orgasm, but didn't know what it was at the time. Because I stopped having those feelings, I thought maybe they were just silly teenage feelings, but reading your website, I think I was starting to develop my sexuality before I went on the pill. No doctor ever mentioned anything about that. I am hopeful that it's not too late and I can become a sexual person. I now have a partner who I really love. I've only had actually intercourse with him a few times, and it was alright but maybe I'm not really ready for that yet. Can you give me any advice? And do you know anything about other women taking the Dianne pill for many years? How long it takes for your hormones to return to normal? Or if my hopes are false?
Answer: As you know, Dianne ED is one form of the birth control or contraceptive
pill, which can reduce sexual desire in women. Unfortunately, preliminary
research has indicated that if you stop taking this form of medication your
sexual desire may not return to its prior level.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/01/03/health/webmd/main1175547.shtml
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/pill-linked-to-reduction-in-womens-sexual-desire-521505.html
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16942531
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16409223
I'm afraid I don't know anymore than what these studies reveal, as far as
the long term affects. I didn't see any evidence to indicate whether
follow-up research has been completed in the 2 years since these initial
reports.
Women experience two different types of sexual desire, primary and
secondary. Primary sexual desire is an innate force that compels some women
to seek out sex, it is frequently hormonally driven and cyclic. Secondary
desire becomes apparent after the onset of sexual activity, it compels women
to want increased pleasure, orgasm, and/or intimacy. In the second case, sex
results in a desire for sex, perhaps as a result of the hormones produced by
sexual arousal, or simply because of the immediate reward being experienced.
You need to explore whether you experience either type of desire, by
monitoring your sexual cycle, and exploring masturbation and perhaps
partnered sex. The absence of desire is more of a problem if it presents a
barrier to sexual activity, or is combined with impaired sexual arousal and
orgasm. If you enjoy sex but don't necessarily actively desire sex that may
not be a problem, though your partner may need to know they must be the
one to initiate sex, and hope you are in the mood and aren't fatigued when
they do, or you simply schedule "date nights/afternoons/mornings" during which sex
is an option.
desire_indx.htm
flowchart_6.gif
The pleasure you do or don't experience during intercourse may have nothing
to do with your desire for sex, or the use of this medication. While some
women love intercourse and others enjoy it, others simply could live without
it, even those who have never used oral or prescription birth control. You
may need to discover what types of sexual activity are pleasurable
for you. This isn't necessarily an easy task. I can only recommend that you
pretend to be a young teen who is beginning to explore her sexuality rather
than a 28 year old women with a sexual partner. The Q&A section linked to
below addresses the process of exploring your sexuality. I wish I had a
short and easy guide to discovering your sexuality, but I don't, no one
does. While perhaps a slow process, please read through the Q&As linked to, and
consider the advice presented and how it may apply to your and your experiences.
qa_index_puberty.htm
The following may be of interest to you, published 5/31/08:
"The 1999 practice guideline 'Acne vulgaris' from the Dutch College of
General Practitioners has been revised. Benzoyl peroxide and local retinoids
are first choice in local treatment of acne. When treatment with oral
antibiotics is indicated, doxycycline is first choice. Use of minocycline is
not recommended in general practice. It is recommended that both local and
oral antibiotics are always combined with local benzoyl peroxide or a local
retinoid. Oral contraceptives are only recommended in women with acne who
also desire contraception. Use of oral contraceptives containing cyproterone
acetate is no longer recommended in women with acne, because they are not
more effective than other oral contraceptives. Treatment with oral
isotretinoin may be given by the general practitioner, as long as the
treatment guidelines are carefully followed."
Source:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18590061
Question: I looked online for a site like this, but this is much more informational than I expected. I really enjoy that this site is completely open about, well, anything. But I do have a few questions. Well one is that if I masturbate, will that affect my period? See, I do masturbate but I have not started my period yet. But I feel like, if I didn't masturbate I would already have my period. And on other sites, it says common indications for your period are discharges, cramps, pubic hair and fuller breast. I have all of those. Is there something wrong? Should I stop using a vibrator? Should I stop masturbating? I'm thirteen years old.
Answer: Many girls start masturbating prior to experiencing their first menstrual
period, so I am sure masturbation isn't the reason why you haven't had your
first period.
The hormones responsible for the development of your breasts and the onset
of menstruation are different from those that cause sexual desire and
increased body hair. The following article addresses this subject.
androgens.htm
In the surveys linked to below you can see that many girls (27%) begin to
menstruate at the age of 13 and older.
Closed Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/176342/results
Active Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/176341/results
The amount of body fat you have is thought to control when your have your
first period, which is mentioned in the article linked to below. If you are
under weight this may delay your first period.
weight.htm
I don't believe it would be beneficial for you to stop masturbating.
Question: First off, your website is a wonderful resource, and I have learned a lot from reading it. I am writing to ask about two things.
Vaginal length:
Since I started exploring my vagina at the age of 14 or so, I have noticed that the tip of my cervix is only about 1.5 inches from the exterior opening. This shortness is so pronounced that it actually makes it difficult for me to wear most brands of tampons, which are frequently a bit longer than that. I know vaginal intercourse isn't the be-all and end-all of sex, but as a virgin I can't help but worry about what might happen if/when I want to attempt intercourse. I have tried penetrating myself (in an aroused state) with a clean hairbrush handle that is 5 inches long, and even then I could feel the tip painfully forcing my cervix upward and ramming against the end of the vaginal passage. Is this a common problem?
Lubrication:
I masturbate every day, always resulting in orgasm, but I have never felt any wetness inside or outside my vagina, even when my heart rate increases and I have a pronounced clitoral erection. Is there anything that might be preventing me from getting wet?
Answer: I believe your first question is addressed in the Q&As and information
linked to below. I don't know how common having a short vagina is, but you
aren't the first to ask this type of question.
qa_3.htm#q4
qa_9/qa9_9.htm
qa_6/qa6_4.htm
loc_vag.htm
The cause for the shortness of your vagina may be a Tipped or Tilted Uterus.
The page linked to first says this may cause a problem with inserting
tampons.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/womenshealth/tippeduterus.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retroverted_uterus
Objects that are inserted into the vagina usually need to slip in alongside
the cervix versus pressing directly into it; they need to enter the vaginal
fornix. You may be inserting the tampon and hairbrush at the wrong angle, or
as a virgin your pelvic muscles may simply be too tight and don't allow the
objects to go where they should.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_fornix
Vaginal lubrication is dependent on increased blood flow to the pelvic
organs and particularly the vagina.
"Transudation refers to the production of vaginal lubrication because of
sweating of vaginal tissue engorged with blood during vasocongestion"
Vaginal lubrication is fluid that comes directly out of the blood, it isn't
stored in glands or the like. The web page linked to below mentions possible
reasons for decreased vaginal lubrication:
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1212843&displaytype=printable
Clitoral erection may occur without there necessarily being increased blood
flow to the pelvic organs, as erections are caused in part by the relaxing
of the associated blood vessels and blood engorgement. Envision how a limp
balloon becomes firm when filled with air or water. Neither the balloon,
air, or water are ridged by themselves, but when the internal space of the
balloon is filled with water or air it becomes ridged; the greater the
pressure the firmer the balloon becomes. Clitoral and penile erections are
triggered by the release of the chemicals Nitric Oxide and cGMP. I would
presume that firm erections would be dependent on increased blood flow to
the penis and clitoris, but perhaps not, especially given the smaller size
of the clitoris.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erectile_dysfunction#Pathophysiology
Clitoral erections and an increased heart rate would seem to provide
evidence to indicate there is increased blood flow to the vagina, but there
is still a chance it doesn't occur. There could be an anatomical deficiency,
scaring from surgery and injury, medications that restrict pelvic blood
flow, or the presence of a disease could impair pelvic blood flow.
In the survey linked to below, 40% of the women said they experience vaginal
lubrication after a period of time, 51% experience it immediately. If you
experience orgasm quickly you may not be experiencing full sexual arousal.
You may need to experiment with delaying your orgasms, to allow increased
arousal and lubrication to occur. The following survey also addresses how
much lubrication women experience.
Closed Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180802/results
Open Survey
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180801/results
I hope this information helps answer your questions.
Question: I'm 15 and recently found this website, which has been a great help to me on discovering my body. I didn't realize a woman's body could be so different. Recently I have tried to stick one finger down into my vagina. But I'm not sure what to do. I put it in but nothing feels good and everything feels really bumpy and its tight. My vagina sort of curls inside and all I feel are bumps and that's it, there's no big opening area...just this tube almost and I'm forced to follow the path. Please help me, I'm at a loss. I don't know how far to stick my finger in and then I try to explore the inside but all I feel is really hard curvy surface. I think I'm going about it all the wrong way :( I don't want to hurt anything in there.
Answer: Please see the information linked to below for the answers to your
questions:
loc_vag.htm
cervix.htm
qa_9/qa9_9.htm
Question: My husband is uncut and ejaculates in 1 or 2 minutes after inserting his penis into my vagina? Would circumcision increase the duration of intercourse?
Answer: The article linked to below states that circumcision results in delayed ejaculation, but also that circumcision isn't a cure for premature ejaculation.
http://men.webmd.com/news/20040202/adult-circumcision-affects-sexual-performance
The following article states that "a survey by Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s demonstrated that three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration in over half of their sexual encounters," and "Premature ejaculation...is the most common sexual problem in men, affecting 25%-40% of men. In the first article it states that 77% of American men are circumcised, which means at least 2 to 17 % of them must experience premature ejaculation, so circumcision doesn't prevent premature ejaculation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premature_ejaculation
Additional information on this subject is presented in the following Q&A:
Question: The question is that.. there is a watery substance that is coming out of the clitoral glans that is not a lubricant, but mostly watery... What can it be? Can it be a sexual transmitted disease?
Answer: The clitoral hood doesn't normally produce a fluid other than sebum, which is
white and cheesy in constancy. To the best of my knowledge the clitoral glans produced no fluids. If there is a watery liquid present then a
doctor should be consulted. The article linked to below mentions the
production of sebum.
adhesio.htm
