Question: Whilst 'exploring' about 3 years ago I felt a small hole in the front vaginal wall of my partner. After visiting the doctor she was told that her urethra actually discharges into her vagina and explains why she is subject to urinary tract infections following intercourse (treatable by ensuring she urinates after intercourse, and subscription antibiotics to fight infection). My question(s) is 'is this common?' My partner does not climax from stimulation in this area (usually the 'G-spot'). Would this be because her prostrate will be higher up / deeper within the body? This may also because I am reluctant to search for the 'G-spot' for fear of causing damage/infection/irritation to the urethra opening, but would like to be able to provide more pleasure to her without stimulating the clitoris alone. Do you have any advice? I know the real answer is to talk to her and ask her, except that she seems to feel ashamed of this 'abnormality' and if she knows I am thinking of it she will not relax and therefore not climax at all even when I tell her that I am not the slightest bit bothered by the fact that her urethra opening is in a slightly different place. Hey, I cannot hide my big ears that everyone can see. (Maybe I am just rubbish at being tactful what with being male).
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
The opening between her vagina and urethra might be the result of a vaginal fistula. See the information linked to below.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=vaginal+fistula
If the fistula isn't causing problems it may be best to leave it alone, rather than risk further damage to the area, my unprofessional opinion.
To the best of my knowledge this would not significantly alter the anatomy of her prostate gland nor alter the manner in which you might stimulate her vagina and prostate gland.The urinary infections would be the result of vaginal fluids entering the urethra, introducing bacteria into the area, and the friction of intercourse and g-spot stimulation may cause irritation, which allow the bacteria to enter her body. Urinating washes away the bacteria, thus reducing the risk of infection.
As far as the communication, simply ask if what you are doing feels pleasurable, and if the type of stimulation you are providing is appropriate. Don't draw attention to this anomaly.
Question: I'm a seventeen year old female who isn't sexually active (as in having sexual intercourse; my boyfriend and I do participate in mutual masturbation). I have three questions. First, I noticed about a year ago two small white bumps on the side of my clitoris, do you have any idea what they could be? Sometimes they are sensitive, which plays into my second question. I shave down there, but have recently used Nair, and it created a burning sensation and my clitoris is incredibly sensitive to the point where I can't even wear underwear. Is this normal, or was it an allergic reaction? Thirdly, my vagina has been raw lately, and I was wondering if it could be due to the mutual masturbation (not enough lubrication??)
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
White bumps and discharges in the area of the clitoris tend to be sebaceous glands, sebum, or dried smegma. Please see the information linked to below:
adhesio.htm
fluids.htm#sebum
hygiene.htm
They warn against the use of hair removal products like Nair in the area of the genitals and other sensitive skin, as the delicate tissues in these area can experience a chemical burn. I don't know how best to treat this, and you should consult a doctor is it doesn't improve within a day or two.
Others have reported irritation after their partner has stimulated their vulva and vagina. Please see the information linked to below.
qa_7/qa7_11.htm
qa_7/qa7_4.htm
Question: No matter what I try I can't get my girlfriend to come when I insert my finger into her vagina onto her g-spot with the come hither motion. I just tried again after not having fingered her for ages, and as her panting and moaning increased I sped up accordingly which she enjoyed more and more, but I just can't tip her over the edge....
Answer: There are a couple possibilities. She may experience a sensation that is similar to that of needing to urinate when her urethra is being stimulated, which may prevent her from surrendering control and allowing orgasm and ejaculation to occur. Find out if she does, and if she does, reassure her that the sensation is normal, and that you want become upset if she does urinate, but is more likely to ejaculate. Placing a couple towels under her may reassure her that it is acceptable for her to release her body fluids.
Most women generally require clitoral stimulation if they are to experience orgasm, so you may have to provide clitoral stimulation once she reaches her peak during G-Spot stimulation. She may also have to learn how to have G-Spot orgasms, as many women only know how to have clitoral orgasms. You do this my stimulating her to orgasm through only clitoral stimulation, and then slowly introduce vaginal stimulation. In the beginning vaginal stimulation may be distracting, so you may only be able to insert a finger into her vagina while not moving it about, then slowly begin to add frictional stimulation over subsequent sessions.
If she believes you expect her to experience orgasm during G-Spot stimulation there is a chance she is faking some of her pleasure. If you are being too forceful, applying too much pressure, then some of her vocalizations may not be sexual in nature, but the result of discomfort. Continually ask her if the stimulation is appropriate, too soft, too hard, too slow, too fast, etc. Her needs may change from moment to moment.
Question: I am experiencing a small problem while making love with my girlfriend. After stroking her vagina and getting her aroused, I turn to touch her anus with my fingers. First, I give her a buttock massage and she really enjoys it. Then I tell her to turn around on her stomach on the car seat to get a better view of her buttocks and what lies within. I separate her buttocks slowly and she really enjoys it. However, when I touch her anus with my middle finger, she tells me that she is not getting aroused. I am not interested in making anal sex with her... just with the fingers. I never used any lubricant and the anus is very dry. I am a bit worried about the fact the she doesn't feel anything when I touch her anus, contrary to what she feels when I touch her clit. What shall I do? Thanks for your help.
Answer: The sensitivity of the anus varies from woman to woman, but in general it is a sensitive area. The absence of lubrication could be the cause of her lack of sensation. When I have introduced anal stimulation to women it has always been during the course of a full body massage, while using massage oil. I also caress and stimulate their buttocks and thighs before touching their anus. It is a slow teasing process.
When your girlfriend is still on her back spread some of her vaginal lubrication to her anal area. You might then cup her vulva with your hand and allow the tips of your fingers to caress her anal area. You can use the palm of your hand to stimulate her clitoris as the same time, while moving your hand in a small circular manner. When her anus becomes dry, move the tips of your fingers up to her vulva/vagina to get them wet again, then move them back to her anus.
If you can't spread her vaginal lubrication to her anus when she is on her stomach then you can always use saliva.
Alternative lubricants you can use, as long as you wont be having intercourse and using a condom afterwards, are vegetable or baby oil. They are inexpensive and readily available. You can't use "oils" with condoms because they cause them to break down quickly and fail.
Doing this in a car isn't the best place to be doing it, so try to find a secluded area and have her lay on a blanket, if you don't have access to a bed. You can also get a blow up air mattress. You can also have her wear a short skirt or dress with nothing on underneath. If you positions your bodies correctly it wont be obvious what you are do, and you may even be able to do this on a park bench, it will only look like you are making out.
Question: I was just wandering if it's true that a woman's breasts get bigger after having sex multiple times. I have heard this from many sources but I'm not sure. My boyfriend claims it is true and believes that my breasts are bigger but like I said I have doubts.
Answer: I personally have never heard this. Birth control pills may cause the breasts to become larger, but not sex. I suspect women tend to gain weight with increasing age, which results in slightly larger breasts.
If what you said was true, prostitutes would all have huge breasts, wouldn't they? There also wouldn't be a desire for breast implants.
Question: I'm 18 years old and have been dating a wonderful young man for the past 6 months. I genuinely believe that we are truly in love. When I was 13 I came to be in a really bad sexual situation that left me emotionally broken and fearful towards my sexuality. It lasted only several months, but it was still devastating. My current boyfriend has helped me enormously, and I could not be more comfortable or in love with him.
When I was 12 I developed a terrible, irrational fear of pregnancy. I was not sexually active when it began, but every month, my irregular period made me terrified of having somehow become pregnant. This fear lasted me until I was about 14 or 15.
Now I am with my boyfriend, and while we have not yet had intercourse, I fear that this anxiety may be returning. A while ago we very briefly dry-humped, me naked and he with his boxer briefs on. He had not ejaculated, but I worry that somehow pre-cum sperm may have gotten on from the inside of his underwear to the outside and gotten onto my vulva and subsequently inside me. I'm not sure if I was fertile at the time or not, I may have been.
My periods have always been really irregular, but now it is almost two weeks off. How likely is it from the scenario that I could be pregnant? If I prove to not be pregnant, how can I relieve this tokophobia? I'm always otherwise a very reasonable and collected individual. Any help you can give me is appreciated!
Answer: Please see the Q&As linked to below for information about the likelihood of conception. In your case I believe it is extremely unlikely.
qa_21.htm#3
qa_8/qa8_2.htm
Many women share your anxiety about pregnancy.
Girls who don't understand what sex is and how pregnancy occurs sometimes fear they will suddenly become pregnant, perhaps as a result of religious messages they receive about the Virgin Mary. Families are sometimes very vocal about warning girls, who have just had their first period, about the negative consequences if they should become pregnant, even if they have never explained how they could become pregnant. Girls may also believe that since they have had their first period and can now become pregnant they will now become pregnant, especially if they know little or nothing about sex and conception.
To resolve excessive anxiety you have to understand the cause. The more undesirable it is for you to become pregnant the more anxiety you will face, if you explore partnered sex. Some anxiety is normal if you simply don't want to become pregnant, and significant anxiety will exist if there would be major negative consequences, as in your parents don't know you are exploring sex and wouldn't approve, or a pregnancy would interrupt your education, career, plans, etc. So what do you perceive would be the consequences of you becoming pregnant, and are they realistic? If they are realistic then you need to reduce the risks of conception. If they are unrealistic you need to acknowledge that fact.
Many women, and men, simply live in denial of their fertility, falsely believing it wont happen to them, that conception is a miracle that seldom happens. Others acknowledge their fertility and take steps to prevent it. Social and peer pressures, and biological sexual desire, tend to counter a woman's logical desire not to become pregnant.
You need to consider your birth control options, and decide what combination of sexual practices and/or birth control will work best for you.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_control
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/birthcontrol.html
Question: When I rub my clit it makes me pee. More so after I have sex or after I masturbate. Sometimes I'm afraid if I rub it while I either have sex or I masturbate I'm going to pee. Is this normal?
Answer: This a common and normal experience. Please have a look at the Q&As mentioned in the section titled "Sensations Associated with Arousal and Orgasm" on the page linked to below:
qa_index_arousal.htm
Also see:
ejacula.htm
The survey linked to below reveals how common this experience is.
Closed Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/301268/results
Open Survey:
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/301267/results
The article linked to below also has relevant information.
anorgasmia.htm
Question: I have just discovered your site and a have some question as a mere male 1) What is the difference between vulva and vagina? And where does cunt and pussy, fairly worldwide slang, fit in.. Being crude during sex to tell a woman she had a lovely vulva wouldn't go down well!! 2) How come women have only in modern times discovered their clits. After all it is pretty obvious when a women is aroused. Or plays with herself. Mind you I don't suppose blokes pointed it out!! Do you think men are a bit more thoughtful these days I think there will be a different response from a girl or a bloke to this question!! Nice to have been in touch.
Answer: So many questions. ;-)
The vagina is the muscular passage that extends between the vulva and uterus. Most people incorrectly say a girl/women has a "vagina," but in reality she has a "vulva." Her vulva is what you can see with your naked eyes. Men have a penis, a woman had a "clitoris" or "vulva".
To me, pussy and cunt are the same as vulva, are a woman's external genitals. For me, it is easier to say, "You have a pretty pussy," which I have done, than to say you have a pretty vulva. They both means the same thing. What is appropriate depends on the individual woman, as many find "cunt" derogatory.
In the past a woman's entire vulva was placed off limits to her, if she was caught exploring it or masturbating she was severely punished. Women basically learned to disconnect from their vulva, becoming oblivious to what occurred "down there." Now, throughout history some girls and women have found their clitoris, as did their partner, and clitoral stimulation occurred, but this practice were not socially acknowledged or accepted, it was very taboo.
Actually women are not always aware of when they are sexually aroused, they don't "perceive" that they are, even if they are. Women, unlike men, don't have a six inch (15 cm) erection that signals when they are sexually aroused. This is a subject addressed on the website.
qa_6.htm#4
While there is certainly more social pressure on men to fulfill a woman's sexual needs today, basically to give her orgasms, there is a significant lack of knowledge about how to go about achieving this goal. Yes they are suppose to, but no one has taught them how.
Question: Um... this is really embarrassing especially as I am a very private and shy person. I am 21, still a virgin, and quite sexually inexperienced. But I do masturbate on a regular basis. Either from hand stimulation or from inserting something like a dildo. The problem is is that when I masturbate, one of two things sometimes happens (as in it doesn't always happen). Either I end up with bloody discharge afterwards, or sometimes I end up uncontrollably releasing my bowels. Not much, very little, but enough for me to notice and be worried. Is this normal? Am I in trouble? I have never been to a gynecologist because I'm too embarrassed and shy, but I'm starting to wonder if I stand a chance of cervical cancer or something.....
Answer: Please see the information linked to below:
qa_33.htm#6
tampon.htm#pelvic
qa_8/qa8_17.htm
qa_1/qa1_9.htm
qa_16.htm#7
Question: The other day my boyfriend and I were performing oral sex on each other in a sideways 69 position. I could feel him sucking quite hard on my clit which felt slightly uncomfortable. He pulled back for a second and noticed that my clit had swelled up quite a bit. After leaving the area alone for 15 minutes we noticed the swelling had gone down quite a bit. Is this something normal that happens? Could there be any consequences if it happened again and he doesn't stop?
Answer: It sounds like your boyfriend basically did the same thing as is done during clit and pussy pumping. During clit pumping you use suction to draw increased blood into the clitoris and vulva, causing temporary swelling. The resulting swelling goes down with time.
Please see the following information:
enhance.htm#pump
qa_4/qa4_23.htm
qa_8/qa8_4.htm