Question: Hi! First of all the website is great. There were so many things I didn't even know or exist... Anyway, I have a problem. I am 20 years old. I am not on medication or anything, just a normal girl. I noticed that just the tips of my nipples are not fully developed. I don't know if that's normal or what. They are not like inverted nipples because they do erect when stimulated. But it's just that they don't seem like they have developed fully. There are ripples and tissues like dead skin all over the tips. And every time when I'm not wearing bras, just the tips of my nipples hurt when they are rubbed with my clothes, dark purple black color can be seen on the tips. So should I wear bras? (Kind of embarrassed) If I should, anyway to find a bra that suits me, or how to know if you have the right/wrong one? Is there anything I should pay attention to, or anything I can do to make things better? Thanks so much! 

Answer: I have seen nipples like the ones you describe, and I don't believe they are unusual or abnormal. The nipples are actually made up of muscle tissue, and become erect when these tissues contract. Since your nipples become erect when stimulated they appear to be in normal working order, but some nipples never become erect, or are inverted, i.e. point inward.

If you are comfortable not wearing a bra, or are having difficulty finding bras that fit correctly, then simply don't wear one.

The sore nipples you experience are called "Joggers Nipples"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/ask_the_doctor/joggersnipples.shtml

To prevent this irritation you might wear a silk or satin camisole under your blouse or shirt, as an alternative to wearing a bra.

It is reported that 70-80 percent of women wear the wrong size bra, so if you choose to wear a bra you should try to be professionally fitted. There are websites that present advice on choosing the correct bra size listed in the links section of this website, and is linked to below.

l_a_b.htm

Question: I have been hearing many things against anal sex, but I am curious about it. A rumor I have heard is that too much anal sex, or one bad time, will destroy the sphincter and you will loose control of bowel movements. Is this true?

Answer: The website linked to below addresses your concerns, and Tristan is somewhat of an expert on anal sex. A couple of her Q&As address your concerns.

http://www.puckerup.com/health_concerns/

If done with care, anal sex can be very enjoyable, and you avoid many of the risks in the process of doing it correctly. Please see the information linked to below:

anal.htm

../phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10

qa_index_anal.htm

Question Part 1: I think I have more than one vagina (well that's what it looks like). I had a look 'down there' the other day just out of curiosity, and I found that I have about 2-3 small vaginal openings. I'm sooo scared. Is this normal. The openings seem quiet small, will this make intercourse for the first time painful or impossible, and I was wondering what the average size of the opening is 'normally, and if I'm normal. I've attached some photos (although blurry, it may give you an idea about what I'm taking about). Your help will be greatly appreciated.

Answer Part 1: Your photos weren't attached, but it isn't unusual to find hymen that have more than one opening in them. Please see the information linked to below:

hymen.htm

loc_vag.htm

Question Part 2: I've attached the photos and hopefully you will get them this time. You say its not unusual to have more than one opening, I was wondering how common is it, and can it cause any problems when it comes to penetration?

Answer Part 2:

Her Follow up : I got a vaginal yeast infection for the first time last week so I went to see the doctor (I've been on antibiotics for 4 months so far and that's what caused it). When she examined my external genitalia (if that's a word :P) she didn't mention that anything was wrong other than having a yeast infection!! So I feel confident that there is nothing wrong with my external genitalia. Thank you for your help and your time :) Your website is really helpful, and I have learned a lot more about my anatomy and female sexuality.

Question: I am a 41 year old woman...I have never had an orgasm...If I did I didn't realize it...I have had three cesarean sections...Is there some chance I had some kind of nerve damage...I have tried everything...I would like to know what I am missing out on....I love your web site I can't stop reading it...Would love to hear any suggestions....

Answer: I do not believe cesarean sections are the common or frequent cause of impaired orgasmic response, or anorgasmia, i.e. absence of orgasm. During a hysterectomy, when the uterus is removed, nerves and bloods vessels may be cut that would impair sexual arousal and sensation to the internal pelvic organs, i.e. the inner two-thirds of the vagina, female prostate (G-Spot), cervix, and uterus. The affected nerves would part of the autonomic nervous system. The clitoris, vulva, and outer third of the vagina are part of the somatic nervous system and should not be adversely affected, and the associated nerves and blood vessels should not be cut during cesarean section.

By the age of forty many secondary causes for impaired orgasmic response are possible. Pregnancy and birth control pills can result in reduced desire for sex, as an example. Parenting and life experiences are other factors to consider. You have to consider all the changes that have occurred to your sexuality since puberty, and their possible causes, to know if there are potential secondary causes for your experience. Everything that occurred prior to your first attempts at orgasm, alone and with a partner, are possible primary causes. The adverse side affect of antidepressant medications on orgasmic response indicates there is a possible chemical cause for the inability to experience orgasm.

The Q&A linked to below addresses a experience that is similar to your own, and presents my advice on the subject.

qa_22.htm#q1

The following is a medical article summary that says cesarean sections may reduce the occurrence of short term, they only evaluate the women six months after delivery, sexual dissatisfaction in women.

"Abstract  The objective of this paper is to evaluate the effect of mode of delivery on postpartum sexual functioning in primiparous women. A total of 248 primiparous women were recruited into this study. One hundred fifty-six delivered spontaneously with medicate episiotomy and 92 had elective cesarean section. Sexual function was evaluated by the Female Sexual Function Index, a validated questionnaire separately evaluating desire, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and pain. Subjects were questioned relating their pre-pregnancy experiences during the first antenatal visit when the pregnancy was not more than six gestational weeks. The test was repeated 6 months postpartum. Statistical evaluation was carried out by SPSS for Windows v.11. In the vaginal delivery with mediolateral episiotomy group, there were significant decreases in the scores 6 months after delivery when compared to scores before pregnancy (p<0.001). In the cesarean section group, no difference was observed between pre-pregnancy and postpartum scores (p>0.05). When the two groups were compared, there was a significant difference between 6 months postpartum scores (p<0.001). Not only pain, but also other important aspects of sexual function, such as arousal, lubrication, orgasm, and satisfaction are affected by performing mediolateral episiotomy during vaginal delivery, well beyond the puerperal period. Concerning its effects on postpartum sexual functioning, a policy of restricting mediolateral episiotomy use should be adopted."

I hope this information and the website are of help to you.

Question: I'm not sure where to ask this question, and I'm too scared/embarrassed to ask it to anyone I know. I realize this is going to be a case by case recommendation, but I have a decent parental relationship with my daughter, and she knows she can ask me anything. She recently (and a little embarrassed) asked if I'd buy her a vibrator. I was surprised, yes, but I took it seriously. I didn't want to just say "No.", but I also didn't want to just say "Yes." without asking someone (your site is an AMAZING resource for both women and men, I love it).

I didn't have one until after I was 18 and I could buy my own. That's not to say I didn't want one earlier in my life, though...So that's the part of me that really understands her request.

So, what age is it appropriate for a girl to have a vibrator? Thank you in advance for your candid advice.

Answer: I am very happy to hear that you enjoy the website.

I haven't heard of any professional recommendations concerning when it is appropriate for teenage girls and women to start using vibrators for sexual pleasure. All I can offer is an educated guess.

In general, laws prevent access to items intended for sexual use until the age of eighteen, or older, if not completely, in the United States. Though I did visit Spencer's in the local mall and they had vibrators on sale as novelties, and I didn't see an age restriction on their purchase.

These laws don't apply to muscle massagers, electric tooth brushes, and water massagers sold in your local department store and pharmacy. Since they are designed primarily for nonsexual purposes anyone can buy them, and presumably give them as gifts.

The survey on the website that addresses vibrator use indicates 25 percent of the participants had used a vibrator or vibrating device prior to the age of 15. I was surprised by this number, and would have guessed at less than half that. The percentage increases to 48 by the age of 19. In another survey, 63 percent of the women of all ages had used a vibrator while masturbating. These percentages don't apply to the general population, only to teens and  women who have access to the survey, and were motivated to participate. The percentage are likely lower for the general population.

The reason so many girls and teens are able to experiment with vibrating devices at a relatively young age is because they are commonly found in their childhood homes. They frequently have access to vibrating toys, electric tooth brushes, vibrating pens, muscle massagers, and even their mom's sex toys. They even produced a vibrating broomstick a couple years ago and parents started taking the batteries out after it dawned on them why their daughter enjoyed the toy so much. I believe girls and young teens are more intelligent, intuitive, and curious than adults give them credit for, which results in them figuring out and exploring more than their parents would like to admit. They also have access to women's magazines that simply make this information common knowledge to anyone who can read. Therefore it is possible your daughter has already experimented with a vibrator and simply wants one of her own.

I have arbitrarily selected the age of sixteen to be the minimum age for vibrator use. By the age of sixteen girls are generally fully grown physically, so no harm could be done to their developing body, and they would likely have several years of experience masturbating using less intense forms of stimulation. While we may see her as a "girl," she is for the most part a "woman," by the age of sixteen.

There were three or four exceptions that might reduce this age: 1) You knew she was a skilled and experienced masturbator and was simply ready to progress to something new. 2) She experienced menstrual cramps and needed a quick and natural way of reducing her discomfort, but may not have the energy or desire to masturbate manually. 3) She was  experiencing intense sexual desire yet was not able to experience orgasm, and was becoming sexually frustrated, and perhaps agitated. A forth exception might be intense sexual desire that required something more than manual stimulation to address constructively, as in she had more sexual energy than her fingers and hands could address on their own.

Which is more desirable, having your teenage daughter masturbate with a vibrator or participate in partnered sex, potentially risking STI's and pregnancy? I don't know if the use of a vibrator would have an affect on when a teenager began to explore partnered sex, but it may, especially if it helps address her sexual desire. In a survey on this website women indicate that by the age of eleven 22 percent had experienced sexual desire. This means that by the age of 18 nearly 1 out of 4  women have been addressing their sexual desire for seven or more years. While we keep increasing the age at which we want teens to be experiencing partnered sex, their body is telling them exactly the opposite, beginning at a relatively young age.

At present, I have not seen any evidence that indicates using a vibrator is harmful, regardless of age. Studies addressing numbness from vibrations concern the use of industrial construction equipment, not muscle massagers and sexual vibrators. Vibrators used for sexual pleasure are generally much less powerful and used for short periods of time, lessoning their potential risks. The survey on this website is the only one I have seen that addresses this concern, and a very small percentage of women have said that using a vibrator decreased their sensitivity to sexual stimulation. We don't know for sure the cause of this loss of sensation, and there are many possible causes. Their vibrator use may have been coincidental.

Even so, I would say it is beneficial for girls/women to explore their body with their hands and fingers, and water spray, before progressing to a vibrator. They should learn to experience orgasm from less intense forms of stimulation first, if possible. This is because their future sexual partner probably will not be able to provide the same type or intensity of stimulation, but this does not appear to adversely affect women's pleasure during partnered sex.

Most parents probably do not want to know the details of their daughter's sexuality, to know how experienced and ready she is for a vibrator, and it would still be an arbitrary decision on their part even if this did occur. There probably wouldn't be any discussion beforehand, a vibrator would simply be placed on her bed, or wrapped up as a gift from mother to daughter, aunt to niece, etc.

If there is a discussion prior to giving her a vibrator, your daughter should know her future sexual partners, if she has no experience with partnered sex, cannot provide the same type of stimulation, and may not be able to stimulate her to orgasm as quickly. She should also know some women can only experience orgasm when a vibrator is used, and/or only while masturbating, perhaps with their partner present. I don't believe masturbation or vibrators are the cause for this, or at least not so much as not masturbating earlier in life. Vibrators may raise her expectations of partnered sex, perhaps too high. If she knows it is acceptable to use the vibrator during partnered sex then perhaps it may delay when she starts experiencing vaginal intercourse, as it provides an alternative, and parental support for this choice.

A vibrator probably will not affect a teen's or woman's desire for physical and emotional intimacy, nor necessarily quell their sexual attraction to others, so there may still be an intense desire for physical contact with others, perhaps sexual contact. A vibrator probably will not influence peer pressure. If she desires, a vibrator may help her postpone partnered sex a little longer, but in general, probably not that long. Though any delay is probably better than none.

If you are able to provide advice when presenting her with a vibrator, you might suggest she start out using it over her cloths, over pants and underwear, or a folded hand towel, so as to reduce the intensity of the stimulation. She should explore pleasure, not just quick orgasms. I don't believe it would harm her to use the vibrator directly on her body, but a gentler introduction might be better. If she wants to know how to use the vibrator, you can share your experience, or find advice online. It might not be wise to assume she will know how to use it, though like you, she can probably figure it out on your own.

You may need to find out what she meant by "vibrator." Many women incorrectly believe they want something they can insert vaginally, not realizing vibrators generally work better externally. She would in general benefit from a Pocket Rocket style vibe, Hitachi Magic Wand, or an equivalent available at your local department store, rather than a phallic shaped item. An electric vibrator would eliminate the need for her to ask for more batteries, a potentially embarrassing situation, especially if she uses it frequently. If she was wanting something to explore penetration with that brings up another topic, though one perhaps less complex, dildos or their equivalent.

If the laws in your locale permit, you might set a price limit and allow her to pick out an item from an online store or mailorder catalog, and order it on her own, without your knowing what she is getting. Though she is perhaps relying a little on your expertise and experience by asking you to buy one for her.

I hope this advice is of help to you and your daughter.

Question: I am 41 years old and have a problem that I don't know what to do about so I'm hoping you will be able to give me some answers to this problem .

What can I do or what can I buy to make my clitoris from being so ticklish? It is so ticklish that I can't handle to be touched there or even close to it. If I use a desensitizer then I become numb and don't enjoy anything. Is there anything that I can buy or that my Doctor can prescribe for this ? me and my husband have tried everything we can think of including vibrators but that tickles to much to, any info would be greatly appreciated..

Thank you for your time...

Answer: Is your clitoris ticklish to your own touch and stimulation? Do you stimulate your clitoris when you masturbate?

Have you tried having your clitoris stimulated over your underwear and/or pants? Have you tried outercourse, that is rubbing your vulva against objects and your partner? Have you tried covering your vulva with a layer of plastic food wrap, perhaps applying a coating of lubricant to your vulva first. Has your partner ever worn latex or nitrile surgical gloves while providing manual stimulation?

outer.htm

From an anatomy perspective, can you retract your clitoral hood to expose the glans, is it normally exposed? Or do you have a tight adherent hood? The hood can trap irritants. A yeast infection can affect the clitoris without affecting the vagina.

adhesio.htm

"Cleaning" your vulva can cause irritation, which would possibly make you overly sensitive. You could be cleaning your clitoris too well, or not well enough.

hygiene.htm

The ticklishness could be a conditioned response now. You expect to experience this sensation so do. After many years of experiencing this the problem could be partly psychological, even if it started out having a purely physical cause. During a woman's first sexual experiences ticklishness often indicates she is nervous, not relaxed, and probably not sexually aroused. You may now tense up prior to clitoral stimulation. Prior to clitoral stimulation ensure you are relaxed and sexually aroused. Your partner may need to give you a relaxing massage first, and then slowly work their way towards your clitoris, rather than going directly for it. You never want them to "attack" your clitoris, but rather approach it slowly, once you are aroused. You should be surprised to realize they are providing clitoral stimulation, not know they are, even before they begin.

Here are links to additional information that may be of help to you.

nerves_1.htm

massage.htm

I have presented more questions than answers, but hopefully they will help narrow down a cause and solution.

Question: I'd like to know if going down on a woman can make my mouth stink. To rephrase, can the composition of the vagina affect the cleanness of the mouth.

Thank you.

Answer: Only if she has an infection or STD or STI.

Something to consider, why are men frequently willing to put their penis in a place they are unwilling to put their mouth? Don't you value your penis and aren't you concerned for the health of your penis? Should you put your penis somewhere you are unwilling to put your mouth? Don't you touch your penis and then later touch your mouth?

Since the majority of men have performed oral sex on women, at least in the United States, the majority of them would have dirty mouths, if your concern was valid.

Perhaps you should be concerned with how dirty your mouth is:

http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/explain/docs/mouth.asp

http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/mole00/mole00546.htm

If she has an infection or STD:

http://brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/sexually_transmitted_infections/oral_sex_&_STIs.php

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Archive/OralSex/Q89392.html

Question: Hi, I'm 21 years old, and I just found your site, and I have a couple of questions regarding health and sexuality. Earlier this year, about four months ago, I found a bump. I looked at the pictures on your site, and it looks like it is on one side of the clitoral glans.Its the same color as the surrounding area. Over a few weeks it grew bigger, to the point where I couldn't walk comfortably, then I believe it burst and drained because there was some fluid mixed with blood in the approximate area on my underwear and the bump had gone down. I assumed it was some sort of abscess, but lately I've felt it again in the same spot.

Also, the last time the bump drained, I took antibiotics for a week, which I think gave me a yeast infection; I felt burning and itching. My mother gave me a pill which worked for a few weeks, but the burning and itching came back, and it has been fairly off-and-on for the last few months. I'm worried that both of these problems will continue repeating each other, and I'm not sure if the problem is severe enough to warrant a visit to the gynecologist (I've never been before).

Another problem I've been having is that my boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex. We are both virgins. We've tried a few times, but it hurts me too much before he gets very far in, he says. None of my friends are sexually active, so I'm not sure who to ask about how much pain is normal the first time.

Is all of this normal? What is the bump? Did I have a yeast infection or something else?

Sorry for the lengthiness. Thanks for the site and all of the great info; it's helped me a lot.

Answer: Only a doctor can answer your particular health related questions, as someone needs to examine you and test you for an infection, and determine the cause for the painful lump.

The use of an antibiotic does increase the risk for a vaginal yeast infection, as the antibiotic kills the bacteria that normally control the yeast that is also normally present in the vagina. The pill your mother gave you may not have cured you, or the infection has reoccurred.

hygiene.htm

vaginitis.htm

In regard to the pain you are experiencing during your attempts at vaginal intercourse please see the information linked to below:

loc_vag.htm

virgin2.htm#pain1

virgin3.htm

poll_first.htm

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/239042/results

Question: Hey I really enjoy your site, it has helped me out a lot with questions that have  pondered me about being "normal" ha ha well there is just one thing I have yet to see on your site that can help me.

I'm 16, lesbian and a virgin. I just started having sex about 3 weeks ago or so...about a month you could say. My girlfriend hasn't popped my cherry or at least we don't think so, because I have not bled and I don't think I have popped it in physical activity, because I haven't been active as a child, but I am now physically fit but still no spotting or anything...so yea the first time she fingered me and it hurt a lot but no blood..she has done it a few times more, it doesn't hurt but when she tries it feels like she is pumping me up with air? If that makes sense I get no pleasure what so ever though when she fingers me? We don't understand why ..we are willing to try a dildo but we are just waiting a bit. That's just one problem though. Ok in the beginning when she rubs my clit I got to that point [orgasm] at an okay time but now I have been going really really fast its really bugging me, and her, she feels like she can't satisfy me, but the thing is she can, I just go really fast is there something wrong with me or her? She also says my clit is big and already hard when she goes down there  and she said with her other girlfriend's it got hard as they were cumming or getting to that point?..is there something wrong with my vulva? Please help me please any advice would be great thanks so much.

Answer: As mentioned on the website, you may not have a hymen even if you are a virgin, and have not experienced the insertion of fingers and objects that are equally as large as an erect penis, about 1 1/2 inches (3.8 cm) in diameter. You and/or your girlfriend need to look to see if you have a hymen, and how large of an opening there is in it if you have one.

hymen.htm

As indicated in the surveys linked to below, the sensitivity of the vagina varies considerably from woman to woman, and depending on the size of the object inserted. Some women simply have a vagina that is insensitive to stimulation, it is a fact of life.

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/301267/results

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/301268/results

The vagina can trap air, and your partner's fingers and their movement could push air into your vagina, at least a little.

qa_3/qa3_22.htm

qa_3/qa3_24.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatulence

If your vaginal and pelvic muscles are tight, or at least not flexible, you may experience discomfort when objects are inserted into your vagina. If your bladder and/or rectum are full this too may also lead to discomfort. I would recommend exploring vaginal penetration on your own, to learn more about your body, and to stretch and strengthen your pelvic muscles.

virgin2.htm#kegels

Perhaps your girlfriend needs to stroke and caress your vaginal walls rather than "fingering" you or trying to simulate penile/vaginal intercourse. She needs to slow down and experiment, not attempt to bring you to orgasm immediately. Many if not most women are not orgasmic from vaginal stimulation alone. She should perhaps try to locate and stimulate your G-Spot or female prostate gland. She or you perhaps need to stimulate your clitoris while she is stimulating your vagina.

ejacula.htm

Your girlfriend shouldn't be comparing you to her past partners, as each woman is unique. Just because you are different from them doesn't make you abnormal. If anything, her actions and comments indicates how little she knows about female sexuality, even if she is "experienced."

The size of the clitoris varies considerably from woman to woman, and their firmness and erectness also varies. Some become erect, others only firm or enlarged without being firm or erect. You are what you are.

c_size.htm

Question: Is It safe to have anal sex for person having piles, i.e. hemorrhoids?

Answer: According to the information I found in the Google search linked to below you can, but you must exercise even greater care so as not to irritate the Piles, i.e. hemorrhoids. So even more lubrication, time, relaxation, etc are required. Discomfort and pain during anal stimulation and penetration should always be avoided, and not accepted as normal, and this is even more true when hemorrhoids are present, as you do not want to irritate or cause injuries to them.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=hemorrhoids+anal+sex

General information on hemorrhoids:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=hemorrhoids+more%3Acondition_symptoms

Information about anal sex:

anal.htm

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