Question: I just recently heard of female ejaculations. I am 52 and have always required lubricant during intercourse. For the last few months, my partners have told me that I have an ejaculation and the bed is wet underneath me after sex. Could it be possible that this is bladder incontinence? Wouldn't I know it if I had a vaginal ejaculation?
Thanks for any information you can share with me.
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general
information.
If you are experiencing incontinence then I would presume you would
experience loss of urine at other times, like when you coughed, sneezed,
laughed, lifted heavy objects, etc. If it occurs only during sex then it
could be female ejaculation. Some would say that if the fluid comes out
during sex then it has to be female ejaculate, but I wont be so bold. During
incontinence and female ejaculation the fluid exits the body through the
urethra, which makes the cause a little less obvious. If the fluid is clear and doesn't smell like urine then it is
presumed to be female ejaculate. If it smells like urine, well then it is
probably urine.
If your partners aren't complaining about the wetness, and perhaps even if
they are, I wouldn't worry about it unless it starts occurring at other
times, as mentioned above. I am a little more open minded perhaps than many and don't care if it is
urine or ejaculate that is being release if the woman experiences pleasure
during the event.
Some women ejaculate during sexual arousal, others during orgasm, and others
during both. Many women are only aware of the increased wetness after the
fact, as initially they are only aware of the orgasm or increased arousal,
not the release of fluid. If a woman is already wet with lubrication
increased wetness may not be immediately obvious.
You might do some exploration while masturbate in front of a mirror to see
if you can figure out what is happening.
I wish I could be more specific with my answers but we simply know very
little about female ejaculation, and female ejaculation has been mistaken
for incontinence in the past, according to some.
Question: I am 19 and male, my partner is 18 and female. She is a virgin and wants to have sex but I believe that she is nervous about sexual intercourse or feels that something might go wrong during sexual intercourse that might be embarrassing or make her feel uncomfortable. What can I do to make her feel more comfortable about her first sexual experience and maybe more fun?
Answer: I recommend you both read the article linked to below:
virgin1.htm
She may also find the Questions & Answers linked to below of interest;
sexual development is addressed too, not just puberty.
qa_index_puberty.htm
The surveys linked to below explore what the first experience of vaginal intercourse was like for teenage girls and women.
poll_first.htm
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/239042/results
Question: I want to ask if too much masturbation by a man can effect on his health, and what are the side effects of masturbation on the body and health?
Answer: Your body has built in safe guards that tend to result in self-preservation.
If you are masturbating too often you either irritate the skin of your penis
and foreskin or you wont be able to get an erection. Your body is
continually producing more sperm, but they can only be produced at a certain
rate. This means the volume of ejaculate and the number of sperm contained
in it will go down if you ejaculate frequently, which is a problem only if
you are trying to get a woman pregnant.
I have heard, but don't know if it has been confirmed, that men who
ejaculate regularly are less probe to prostate cancer.
If you don't ejaculate often enough then your body tends to experience
nocturnal emissions, wet dreams, and expels the excess ejaculate anyway.
Masturbation can be used to help teach men better control over their
ejaculations and thus extend intercourse. Always ejaculating quickly may
result in you ejaculating too quickly during partnered sex. Masturbating
prior to intercourse may delay your ejaculation so you can extend the length
of intercourse, though if the idea of intercourse is highly arousing to you,
you may ejaculate quickly no matter what.
Ejaculation is a normal bodily process required for reproduction, I have no
idea how people came up with the idea it was harmful to you, or depleted
your body any more than any other normal bodily function and process, like
running longs distances.
Question: My husband bought a pussy pump cup for me in order to enlarge the lips of my vulva just before we have sexual intercourse. We have used it once and during the pumping process I have really enjoyed the sensation. My lips did increase in size, while the cup was around my vulva area, but as soon as we remove it the lips decrease to its normal size immediately. Do you perhaps have any tips on how to use this device to achieve maximum results? Thanks in advance.
Answer: The body tends to return to it normal resting state in a relatively short
period of time. Given the structures of your vulva are normally smaller than
they are after pumping they would tend to return to their normal smaller
state quickly, as the tissues aren't elastic or accustomed to being
stretched. To maintain the increased size for longer periods you would need
to maintain the suction for increasing amounts of time, so your tissues
become accustomed to their increased size and volume. I would recommend
light suction for increasing periods of time, then slowly increasing the
amount of suction. You would also need to pump on a regular and frequent
basis. You will not achieve your desired results in a short period of time,
and risk injury if you are too aggressive.
The information I provided above is based on posts I have see on the
discussion forum linked to below.
http://forums.newart.com/phpbb/forum-2.html
Question: I have noticed that I am extremely wet during oral sex and sexual intercourse. There are certain positions that cause a "gurgling" sound in my Vagina (knees up by my ears). It is extremely embarrassing when my partner is down there and this happens!
Answer: Please see the Q&A linked to below:
qa_3/qa3_12.htm
More in the article linked to below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatulence
Question: Me and my girlfriend engage in oral sex regularly. She is usually able to make me cum after a while but I have found that I have not been able to give her a orgasm. I think I doing what she likes judging by her physical response but am not sure. She is very reluctant to tell me what she likes and communication is something that we are lacking. Anyway when I am going down on her and have been down there for a while and going as fast and as hard as she wants me too when she is starting to experience heavy pleasure her clitoris suddenly becomes ticklish and she loses all the momentum built toward orgasm. I don't think she minds because she has never experienced an orgasm but it bothers me because she is able to pleasure me and I cannot do the same for her. It really eats me up inside for some reason. I really want to give her an orgasm so we could share something else really special. So if you could help me and maybe tell me why she is becoming ticklish when she nears an orgasm would be really helpful. And maybe tell me something I could do to give her one would be really really really helpful I know every woman is different and likes different things but if there is something I could do when that is happening I would be really grateful for your help. I love this site it is so great I think every man should read it, because women really deserve the best men can give them.
Answer: If she has never experienced orgasm you are fighting an uphill battle. She
should learn how to give herself an orgasm, as she could unknowingly be
fighting against your efforts to give her one. Please see the following
article:
tips.htm
If your face is pressed against her vulva and she is fearful of losing
control, and as a resulting ejaculating or urinating she wont permit this to
happen, and thus prevents orgasm.
In a survey on the website, twenty-five percent of women report manual
stimulation of their clitoris resulted in their first orgasm during
partnered sex, compared to fourteen percent during oral stimulation.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/315895/results
This means you might have better luck with clitoral massage than oral
stimulation of her clitoris.
massage.htm
You need to ensure she isn't holding her breath and/or tightening up as she
nears orgasm. Since she doesn't know what an orgasm feels like she may
actually resist the process. If the stimulation is too intense her hands
will clench and her body will tighten up. You could be misinterpreting her
response. Ask her questions and get replies to ensure she isn't holding her
breath. Periodically ask her is she wants lighter or firmer stimulation, faster or slower
movements. When she is aroused ask her to tell you what she wants you to do.
You might try orally stimulating her vulva through her underwear or covering
her vulva with a layer of plastic food wrap to decrease the intensity of the
stimulation. You might also explore internal vaginal stimulation, and
alternate between oral and vaginal stimulation, and/or external anal
stimulation.
Giving her a long, 1 to 2 hour, full body massage will help her to relax and will reduce the pressure she may experience if you always try to stimulate her to orgasm as soon as a sexual experience begins. You don't want performance anxiety to become a factor for her.
Question: What is process to cure premature ejaculation?
Answer: Please see the information linked to below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premature_ejaculation
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premature-ejaculation/DS00578
http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic643.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/premature_ejac.htm
http://www.webmd.com/sex/premature-ejaculation
http://menshealth.about.com/cs/stds/a/premature_ejac.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001524.htm
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/premature_ejaculation.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=63987
http://www.umm.edu/ency/article/001524.htm
Question: I cannot thank you enough for having this site. You helped me a lot last time I sent you a question, and I hope you can enlighten me this time as well. I'm a 23-year-old female, raised in a very conservative and very Catholic family. I've had two sex partners. First, my boyfriend at the time, in the context of a serious and long-term relationship. Secondly, with a "friend" of mine, after a long dated sexual and romantic tension. Both of these relationships were, in the sexual aspect, terrific, amazing and extremely pleasurable. Yet, in the emotional aspect, both of them left me with a low self esteem and untrusting feeling towards men. Now, I'm single and maybe due to my traditional and religious upbringing I don't feel quite comfortable having a sexual relation with someone I don't care about emotionally. Besides, (and I know this might sound stupid) I fear of having a sexual relationship because I might be falling in love right away! Nevertheless, I'm feeling quite horny lately. It's been 7 months since the last time I had sex, and honestly, I like masturbating and all, but I'm CRAVING some partnered sex! I made a small trip to another country recently and one night i met this incredibly gorgeous guy from Italy. He was the hottest guy i've seen in my life, and I was determined to get him. I have had a couple of drinks, so I seduced him shamelessly. We were kissing all night long and at one point, we went to this private area in the club to have sex, we got partially naked, he touched me, I touched him, and when it was about time, I could not do it, I wasn't feeling it at all, I was so "physically closed" down there he could not penetrate me! It was as if I were a virgin all over again. I got so ashamed, confused and turned off I ran and left him there with his erection.
Answer: I am happy to hear I was of help to you in the past, and I am hopeful I will
be of assistance once again.
The experience in the club resulted in you possibly experiencing what is
referred to medically as "situational vaginismus," which simply means your
pelvic muscles contracted preventing his penis from entering your vagina in
this particular setting. I don't believe the religious values and believes
you learned as a child and teen were the cause for this experience, as you
experienced successful penetration with two prior partners. You were able to engage in intercourse with these two men even though
those sexual relationships probably weren't acceptable to your religion and
family, as you weren't married to them. I am also guessing that you had
no trouble experiencing sexual arousal prior to the attempt at intercourse.
I believe the more likely cause for your inability to experience intercourse
is how you now feel about your relationships with the two prior men, and how
they made you feel about yourself, and men in general. If you are untrusting
of men you are less likely to permit them the intimacy required of
intercourse. You would also want to protect yourself from further emotional
harm.
I wouldn't attach too much significance to this one experiences of being
unable to engage in intercourse, as it was only one experience, and there
are many potential reasons why your mind may have said no to intercourse in
this situation. Your mind was simply trying to protect you from harm, both
on a physical and emotional level. As exciting as this experience may sound,
there were certain risks and dangers associated with it that your
subconscious mind may have wanted to protected you from. Your religious
believes would certainly come into play, but they wouldn't be the only
factors to consider.
The solution is to develop a trusting relationship with a man prior to
attempting intercourse again, and this you may already know. The problem
with this is your immediate need for sexual release, and perhaps even more
so your need physical intimacy. Masturbation provides for the sexual
release, but not physical and emotional intimacy. It may help then for you
to act as if you were a virgin, without claiming to be a virgin, and explore
partnered sex without permitting intercourse. Find a man you are attracted
to, feel free to make out, but perhaps watch each other masturbate rather
than permitting intercourse and oral sex. If the need is purely for physical
intimacy, make this clear to your partner(s) and let them know sex is not
possible, and possibly why.
Unfortunately, once a woman has engaged in intercourse with one partner she
often assumes is must always occur with all future sexual partners, even if
this believe isn't beneficial to her and the relationship. To assume that
intercourse must always occurs results in some degree of physical and
emotional vulnerability, especial for women, as they risk pregnancy.
I should caution you that setting limits on what sexual activities are
permitted during a relationship doesn't work so well when the drinking of
alcohol takes place, as it decreases your inhibition, and makes you less
able to fend off unwanted sexual advances. If you have to drink to get
beyond your personal believes then that will likely result in guilt after
the fact, meaning you experience emotional harm. If you can't engage in the
sexual experience sober, then you probably shouldn't engage in it at all.
Women may seem like a less risky means of fulfilling your sexual needs, and
need for physical intimacy, but the restrictions you have placed on such a
relationship pretty much rule out that possibility. If you are unwilling to
have a emotional, physical, and sexual relationship with a woman then the
relationship will likely be harmful to you, her, or both. Emotions always
come into play in sexual relationships, even if those emotions aren't
directed at the other person, only yourself. You want to have physical sex
without all the emotional risks, but if anything, that is less likely with a
woman than a man. If you are unwilling to date and develop a relationship
with a woman then I would advise against pursuing a sexual relationship with
her, as even if you start out that way, it may not end that way, resulting
in greater risk of emotional harm, especially if there isn't someone in your
life who is fulfilling your emotional needs.
I don't believe you are open to sex with just any woman, which means there
has to be some form of attraction and connection, meaning a relationship
would already exist prior to there being any sexual contact. Short of you
going to a sex club, one for women only, and making yourself available to
any woman who approaches you, your ideal girl/girl experience isn't likely
to occur. Even so, you can't rule out a connection with them even in this
situation.
I know some "heterosexual" women have tried to have casual sex with women,
but their fear of being a lesbian or enjoying it too much prevented it from
being a rewarding experience.
The internet probably offers you the best means of meeting another woman for
sex, if you choose to do so.
At this point it may be safer to hang out with your girlfriends, ask them
for an occasional hug, and possibly share the same bed at the end of the
night, to full your need for physical and emotional intimacy. You may be
able to do the same with male friends, but they may simply be looking for an
opportunity to have sex with you, even if they claim otherwise. If you
clearly define the rules that may help, but horny guys can be very
persistent.
Question: My partner and I sometimes indulge in anal sex and I wanted to ask, after inserting a finger or my penis into her anus am I correct in believing it is not advisable to insert the same finger or my penis into her vagina for reasons of hygiene?
Answer: The bacteria present in her rectum could cause an infection when introduced
into her vagina, as the vagina may not have the means of fending off this
particular type of infection. This is why women are advised to wipe from the front to
rear after a bowel movement, so as not to spread fecal matter from their
anus to their vulva and vagina. During sex, you should change condoms, use
condoms on your fingers, wash your hands, change surgical gloves, etc. when switching between
anal and vulvar/vaginal stimulation.
Given that women typically wear form fitting underwear and the anus is
located only an inch (2.5 cm) away from the cleft of their vulva I not sure
of how much of physical barrier actually exists to the transfer of bacteria
from their rectum/anus to their vulva/vagina. Actively transferring fecal
matter on your fingers or penis would though eliminate any natural barrier
that may exist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feces
Question: Hello, I'm so glad I found this website, one that helps women (well and men) that have concerns about the female genitalia. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Ok, to the point. I have two questions. During/after the menstrual cycle is it common for the clitoris to be even more sensitive than it already is? I ask this because I have experienced this on several occasions, during/after my period I realize my clit become even more sensitive. Another question is: is it normal for the clit to ache? It may sound 'weird' but after my last period about 3 weeks ago, what started as my clit just being 'extra sensitive' became pain! I've never experienced this before and I'm a little worried to what it could be. I've never had sex by the way so I'm not particularly worried about it being some kind of std/sti. It only hurts for example if I try masturbating or putting lots of pressure on it (not TOO much pressure). What do you suppose this is? I hope you can help me!
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general
information.
The hormonal changes associated with menstruation may result in an increased
risk of infection during this time, as your estrogen levels have decreased,
possibly reducing the acidity of your vagina and vulva. A yeast infection
can involve only the clitoris, as the hood and labia can create a warm moist
environment around the clitoris. A doctor's exam is required to rule an
infection out as the possible cause for your experience.
The use of sanitary napkins, a tampon removal string, and other feminine
hygiene products used during menstruation may irritate the vulva and
clitoris. This irritation may result in physical irritation, redness and
sensitivity, and as a result of a breakdown of the body's natural defenses,
increase the risk for infection. The use of a natural oil, like vitamin e
oil or olive oil may reduce the friction and irritation experienced during
menstruation, and throughout your menstrual cycle, but oils are not
compatible with condoms made of latex, and cause them to degenerate quickly.
Please see the information linked to below for additional information.
About 1 in 5 women experience increased sexual desire during their menstrual period, this may explain the increased sensitivity of your clitoris during this time. The hormonal changes associated with this desire may result in your clitoris being more sensitive, and perhaps more likely to tingle and throb. You would also tend to experience increased vaginal lubrication at this time, which may go unnoticed if it is absorbed by a tampon or sanitary napkin.
Some women may also mistake the sensations associated with having an engorged or erect clitoris with something else, like increased sensitivity caused by irritation or infection. Your clitoris may ache if you are experiencing sexual desire, particularly intense desire. The more familiar and accepting you are of your body and sexual feelings the easier it will be for you to distinguish between things that are normal or abnormal.