Question: I'm a fourteen-year-old girl and have only just started masturbating. Now, I don’t really feel horny anymore. I just start masturbating when I feel like having an orgasm, but then once I do, the whole day I have to urge to go and masturbate again and it's frustrating having that feeling there for a really really long time afterwards. And when I do orgasm, they're not very strong, and only a few seconds long usually, but after all, I only just had my first orgasm a few weeks ago. How do I get rid of this lingering feeling afterwards, and get my horniness back?!?!Answer: Congratulations on learning this very important sexual skill. As with any new skill it does take time to learn to do it well. You also need to learn your body, which given your age is likely changing all the time; as well as your mental thoughts and emotions. Not to dismiss your questions, which I will try to answer below, but you will likely need to figure these things out for yourself. A woman's experience of her sexuality is a very individual thing. It is great though that you have asked these questions so as to put your mind at rest.
When you masturbate, hormones are released into your bloodstream and cause the physical and emotional sensations you feel, and allow orgasm to occur. While orgasm involves muscular contractions it is the hormones that allow them to occur in the first place. What is likely happening is that when you masturbate, your body produces a lot of these hormones and it takes time for your body to absorb them. Your body may be producing more of these hormones than it really needs too. This is true with most hormones during puberty. It is normal even though confusing at times.
It is also common for women to desire sex the more they have sex. This applies to masturbation as well. What may help with these feelings is engaging in some physical activity like jogging or swimming after you masturbate. You may be high on endorphins and adrenaline and need to use them up. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with masturbating several times a day, if you want too. Just be careful so that you do not irritate your vulva. If this occurs, use some extra lubrication, which is a good idea anyway.
Since you have a desire to masturbate it seems you are experiencing a strong sex drive, you are horny. Masturbation helps relieve some of the hormones that cause you to desire sex so masturbating may result in less sexual desire. Masturbation is a great way to relieve sexual tension. If you want your sexual desire to build up you may need to masturbate less often. Not that this would be a good idea. I would think you would want a constructive means of preventing sexual desire from building up to a high level; it can be distracting.
To help make your orgasm more intense, go slow and allow for a slow build up of sexual tension. Tease yourself. Bring yourself close to orgasm several times without allowing it to happen. Masturbating to orgasm in 5-10 minutes is not necessarily a good idea. Take a full hour and make love to yourself. Take a hot shower or bath, rub some lotion into your body, then stimulate your "entire" body to orgasm.
Her Follow-up e-mail: Thank you very much for your advice. I will try that, even though I sometimes feel guilty masturbating, or like I'm doing something disgusting. Probably because the rest of my friends are sort of that way. I'll just keep my mouth shut I guess and wont tell anyone. But thank you very much.
My Reply: I am glad we were able to help out. Your friends likely have the same feelings and masturbate as well. If they are going through puberty, they most likely are. They may not masturbate even if they have the same feelings. They, just like you, do not feel it is something they should be doing. They feel guilty and weird as well, unfortunately.
Most people do not realize how "sexual" young teens such as yourself can be, even if they do not have sex with a partner. It makes it hard for you then to understand and deal with these feelings. You are perfectly normal but society makes you feel weird.
You might mentions to your female friends when talking to them "individually" that you read most teenage girls masturbate secretly and experience strong sexual feelings. You do not need to admit to doing it yourself, unless they ask. You should not ask them directly as they will likely say no even if they do. They may be too embarrassed too admit to it. You can let them know it is normal without admitting to it. If you admit to it, they may open up and discuss the subject with you. That is why you want to do it one on one so peer pressure does not cause it to become an ugly scene. You may be able to become the sexual mentor for your peers by educating yourself and them about teenage sexuality. You might simply let them know about this website. You can then discuss the information together, again one on one.
There are women who masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, especially when they are young. It is unfortunate that girls are not encouraged to "Jill-off." Do not feel afraid or ashamed of the fact that you masturbate for long periods of time or several times per day if that is what you find is best for you. Some girls’ need or want to while others do not; they are all perfectly normal. It depends a lot on the level of the hormones in your body, something you have no control over. So it is best to go with the flow.