Questions and Answers About Female Sexuality Volume 25: Questions 251-260

Question: This might sound like a really dumb question, but this is about a woman's function when it comes to satisfying one-self. When....... I'm alone and in the mood, I do what any woman does. Depends on what mood I'm in. But I've noticed two things. First off, I notice what (mainly I believe) when I use the bullet on my clit, after a while, a white discharge (I think) comes out of me. It looks like a guy came inside me. It's just a little. Another (and this might be REALLY dumb) when I use a blue dildo (this happens sometimes, not always). After I'm done or when I'm in the middle of it, I see water drops on it. As if I just squirted, but I didn't get anything else wet. Basically, what I'm asking is what does all of this mean? Do you have this info on your site? If so, where do I look? Thanks for reading this.

Answer: The white colored fluid is likely cervical fluid, and the clear fluid is vaginal lubrication caused by sexual arousal, and/or cervical fluid at a different time in your menstrual cycle than when the white fluid is produced. I can't explain exactly why they occur when they do. Perhaps when you use the bullet vibe you are bearing down or experience vaginal or uterine muscle contractions that expels the white cervical fluid. With the dildo you could be causing the white cervical fluid to be diluted by the vaginal lubrication present inside your vagina, they mix together. The vaginal lubrication may allow the cervical fluid to slide out easier when you are stimulating only your clitoris. It is also possible that your menstrual cycle determines when you are in the "mood" for the different types of stimulation, and your menstrual cycle controls your cervical and vaginal fluids at these times.

Please see the information linked to below:

Is it possible to insert a penis into a woman's cervix?

I experience increased wetness without warning, can you explain why? (Addressed spontaneous arousal and cervical fluids)

Question: My wife has had fantasies about being with other women for some time. I was down with it and I still am. However I am concerned that her curiosity is a full blown deep love for this one particular lady. I know if I don't consent to this fantasy she will do it anyway. I found letters and things professing this love between them. A part of me wants to go for ride and another part of me feels like she just wants a big cake to eat. I've come to find out that she has kissed and probably been with several females, yet when it comes to my fantasies there is always an excuse. What can I do to please myself and her?

Answer: I am not sure what your concern is. Is it that she doesn't want to fulfill your fantasies?

She has or wants to have sex with other women to fulfill her needs, it isn't about you. Her female partners may fulfill needs that you and other men simply cannot. Women are different from men, and sex between two women is different than sex between a man and a woman. The physical experience is different, and there could be emotional and spiritual differences too.

Guys like the "idea" of girl on girl sex but don't like it when they find themselves pushed to the side during the actual experience. Most guys are too jealous to permit their partner to have sex with another woman when he isn't the center of attention. If you fantasies center around them fulfilling only your sexual needs you could be in for a rude awakening.

Her partners could be lesbians, or they simply don't find you sexually attractive.

There is usually a big difference between fantasy and reality when it comes to "girl/girl" or "lesbian" sex.

Question: An upmarket sex shop opened a few months ago near where I work, and a group of us went for a look around one lunchtime. In one section there were a number of double dildos - basically two penis's back to back, mounted on a shared base. The base contained controls to make one or both penis's vibrate. I assumed that these toys were intended for lesbian couples, but when I made a comment to that effect, one of the women I was with said that they're often used by hetero couples, i.e. that the women inserts one penis in herself, then uses the other to have anal sex with her partner. When someone commented that she seemed to know a lot about it, she laughed and admitted that she and her partner sometimes use one, and that they both find it a real turn-on.

I'm not sure why, but I found this a turn-on myself, to the point where I'm thinking of calling in the shop again to buy one to use with my husband.

Before I do this however, I wondered if you could tell me how they work physically as far as the man is concerned.

I've read that men can achieve orgasm by having their prostate stimulated via their anus - which is presumably the attraction of these double dildos and of male homosexual penetration. But how does that work ?

I understand that normally men experience the sensation of orgasm in the head of their penis, accompanied by ejaculation. If a man is stimulated to orgasm via his prostate, does he still ejaculate and experience the orgasm in the head of his penis? Or does he experience the sensation of orgasm in or near his prostate, without any particular sensation in his penis, or any ejaculation ? And if it's the latter, could a man who masturbated his penis at the same time that he was having anal sex experience both an anal and penile orgasm, either simultaneously, or one shortly after the other?

Answer: You might want to read my reviews of the videos Bend Over Boyfriend 1 & 2 to get an idea of what this is all about. My advice on anal sex applies equally to men and women. The male and female prostate glands are both fed by a different nerve than the clitoris and penis, and stimulation of either can result in orgasm, and these orgasms may feel different from one another. My information on the female sexual nervous system applies to men too, for the most part. I am not familiar with the male experience of anal intercourse, you may have to consult web sites for homosexual men to find detailed information on this subject. Regardless of the reasons why, many men enjoy anal stimulation and intercourse, and this enjoyment has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

DVD Review: Bend Over Boyfriend

Anal Sex and Intercourse: Exploring the Pleasures of Anal Sex

Orgasmic Pathways

Additional information:

Wikipedia: Anal sex

Wikipedia: Pegging (sexual_practice)

Take-it-Like-a-Man.com

About.com - Sexuality: Bend Over, Boyfriend

About.com - Sexuality: How To Find and Stimulate the Prostate

Question: One of my family members had a clitoral "head reduction" for cosmetic reasons. The results are devastating and now she is seeking a physician that can treat the complications, restore the damage or help send her in the right direction.

She is currently addressing the psychological reasons leading up to her decision and therefore what she needs from you if possible is help finding medical help if you have any advice please send me an e-mail.

Answer: I am afraid I can only refer you to the information I have on Female Genital Mutilation, as this is the extent of my knowledge at this time. She might get assistance from groups that assist Intersexed individuals.

Questions and Answers: Female Genital Cutting

The doctor whose website is linked to below may have the skills necessary to do corrective surgery.

GaryAlterPlasticSurgeon.com

Based on a medical article I read on the consequences of clitoral reduction surgery, most often done on infant girls, all the women experienced impaired orgasmic response.

Additional information:

Wikipedia: Intersex surgery

The Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS) Support Group Australia: Clitoral Surgery

The New York Times - New Debate Over Surgery On Genitals (May 13, 1997)

Question: My lover and I cannot be physically together as often as we would like. I recently started viewing an amateur video site while masturbating and have no difficulty having an orgasm. My friend has just left after a very nice visit of enjoying one another - for the first time in 3 weeks - and I was unable to orgasm. I had been anticipating being together and fantasized about what we would do. I'm hoping that I was putting too much pressure on myself, but can't help but wonder if the porn viewing has somehow affected my ability to achieve orgasm without it. Is it possible? Suggestion? Thank you!

Answer: I don't believe it was caused by watching porn or masturbating.

You don't say if you have ever experienced orgasm during partnered sex, or during which activities orgasm didn't occur.

If the sex wasn't enjoyable then orgasm is much less likely to occur.

It was likely the result of placing too much pressure on yourself to perform as expected in the limited time available. You may have had performance anxiety. You may have fantasized about the experience and had great expectations of the experience and yourself, which can make for a dazzling experience, or result in you expecting too much of the experience. It either works as you had hoped, or it doesn't, but can't be forced.

In the future, either don't have sex, or slow down and just engage in something simple, like mutual masturbation. Explore giving each other pleasure rather than orgasms.

Women in general do not experience orgasm during penile/vaginal intercourse on a regular basis, if at all. Based on a survey on the website, women as a whole report they experience orgasm only about 37% of the time without added clitoral stimulation and about 60% of the time with added clitoral stimulation. Some women always experience orgasm, and others never experience orgasm. Women also report that on average they only experience orgasm about 50% of the time during all their sexual activities, but we don't know if they desired or attempted orgasm during all these activities.

You are only human, so you can't expect your body to work like a preprogrammed machine.

Her Follow up: I agree, I had put a lot of pressure on myself. We joked about it afterward. He put a lot of effort into using his fingers. When I lamented that I should have asked for oral sex he agreed and thought I was crazy for feeling the slightest bit inhibited with him after a year and a half as lovers and nine as friends. I hate it when he's right!:)

That afternoon was all about exploration and mutual pleasure. Intercourse was not included. Thanks to you and your website I have stopped expecting to orgasm during intercourse, and am fortunate that my lover makes every effort (sometimes too much) to please me.

I have learned so much from The-Clitoris that has helped me along the path of my own little sexual revolution (at the age of 40, married w/2 kids), and for that I am grateful.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my question. I was hoping that the porn viewing had not dulled me to the efforts of a wonderful man.

Question Part 1: After orgasming, my fiancé often experiences discomfort in her stomach and bowels. Feels sort of constipated and generally uncomfortable. So much so that it makes her sometimes not really want to orgasm at all. Which is a bummer for both of us. And even though she often ignores the consequences, it's annoying to get sick after getting off.

I have never heard of this before, nor has she, and we tried to Google it to see if we could find information, but to no avail. Please let us know what might be going on and, most importantly, what can be done about it.

Answer Part 1: I haven't heard of this either, but it would be helpful to know additional information before I offer advice.

Does this occur when she masturbates to orgasm?

In what body position(s) and sexual activities does this occur?

Does she have any known digestive tract problems, like irritable bowel syndrome?

Would you say she is relaxed or tense during partnered sex?

Has this always occurred, or is this something new? Did it occur when she first started masturbating or engaging in partnered sex?

Question Part 2: Sorry I can't provide more information than this. She just recently told me about it and we haven't done a whole lot of experimenting, so the information below is all I'm able to provide.

Thank you for any insight you can offer.

Does this occur when she masturbates to orgasm?

She does not masturbate much, and when she has she generally goes to sleep right afterwards, which means no movement occurs. Movement is generally what makes one notice stomach discomfort. So it's hard to say.

In what body position(s) and sexual activities does this occur?

Well, I guess I should say that we have never had intercourse. But it happens however. Outercourse, whether she or I am on top, cunnilingus, and clitoral massage. For the latter two activities, I think she has always been lying on her back.

Does she have any known digestive tract problems, like irritable bowel syndrome?

Her mother suspects that she (mother) has IBS, and my fiancé would not be surprised if she, too, had it, though neither have been tested (though her mother is a certified nurse, so it's not just random speculation). Also, my fiancé strongly suspects that she has endometriosis, though checking for this requires probes through the bellybutton and generally little can be done for it other than what's being done already, so she has never been tested for it. But she's done a lot of research on it and there's reason for concern.

Would you say she is relaxed or tense during partnered sex?

She says she consciously tries to relax, though she is in general a tense person. She often tenses up without thinking about it, in any situation.

Has this always occurred, or is this something new? Did it occur when she first started masturbating or engaging in partnered sex?

As far as she can remember, this has always occurred. She does not remember if it happened the first time she orgasmed, but she thinks it has been happening for most (if not all) of her sexual life. Though she seems to be guessing somewhat.

I should also mention that she is on Seasonale, a four-periods-a-year birth control. We suspect that this has other adverse effects on her sex life, such as killing her libido, though we started becoming sexually active about the same time that she went on it. As memories before this are hazy as to whether she got sick after orgasming, perhaps it is an adverse effect of Seasonale. She seems to think it has gotten worse with time, and as far as both of us can remember, there seems to be one instance a couple of months before she went on Seasonale when she was very energetic right after orgasming and then we went and ate, both of which don't happen anymore. She feels very full after orgasming, now, and only lays low until the sickness passes.

Answer Part 2: I am not a doctor so I can only provide basic information on sexual technique, not diagnose medical conditions.

You need to determine if the discomfort is caused by the tightening of her voluntary stomach muscles or changes within the organs of her abdomen, that is, muscles and organs she doesn't have conscious control over. She could be tightening her stomach muscles and not realize it. Stress and anxiety could adversely affect her autonomic nervous system, that is her internal organs. You both may want to read about the sexual nervous system in the article linked to below.

The Female Sexual Nervous System

If endometriosis or IBS was the cause, I would assume she should experience the symptoms following masturbation as well as partnered sex, assuming there is no penetration involved. Penetration would tend to disturb her internal organs more. She may need to masturbate and then get up and do something afterwards to see if the symptoms occur then too.

You may need to encourage her to masturbate alone when she feels the need too, and basically give her permission to, not that she should need your permission. You want her to feel comfortable doing so, and that she isn't denying you anything in the process. She should do the same for you. Of course you both should truly mean what you say, or nothing is gained by doing so.

At this point I can only recommend that you monitor her stomach muscles while you provide sensual and then later sexual stimulation. Avoid orgasms for the short term and learn how to give her relaxing full body massages, i.e. gently apply a body lotion, or massage or baby oil to her entire body and help her relax. You should be able to buy or get from your local library a book on massage. A book on regular massage may serve better than one specifically about erotic massage. Don't use pressure or knead her muscles, as that may simply cause her discomfort. You want to caress and lightly stimulate her skin, not massage the muscles. I would try to allocate 1-2 hours to each massage, even if it is only once a week or every two weeks.

One or both of you can monitor her stomach muscles during the massage, by placing your hand lightly on her abdomen; have her intentionally tighten and relax her stomach muscles so you both know what it feels like. Also monitor her breathing and ensure she is comfortable throughout the massage; make sure she isn't holding her breath or getting cold. Frequently ask if she is comfortable and if what you are doing feels good, and if the pressure is okay.

When she has learned to relax start incorporating sexual stimulation into the massage. In the beginning, this may simply mean nipple or thigh stimulation. If she can remain relaxed and doesn't experience the abdominal discomfort then try more intense forms of sexual stimulation, like clitoral massage. If she tenses up, stop the sexual stimulation and use sensual stimulation to help her relax again. Continue for as long as time allows without trying to achieve any goal, i.e. orgasm. You may have to provide a few seconds of sexual stimulation and then switch back to sensual stimulation, tease her, rather than trying to give her an orgasm in one go, if at all.

Explore pleasure rather than orgasm. I would hold off on oral stimulation and outercourse until she can have a relaxed orgasm and not experience discomfort afterwards. The reason being, she is more likely to tighten her stomach muscles during these activities. Don't feel pressured to give her an orgasm, or place pressure on her to have an orgasm. If she needs to have an orgasm to release sexual tension then encourage her to masturbate alone. Once you have helped her relax during a massage, you might allow her to masturbate at the end if she wants or needs too, but try to ensure she stays relaxed. In the beginning, it may be best if you leave the room. This entire process may take months rather than days, so don't set any goals. Try to look for progress during each massage. In the beginning, helping her to relax is what you seek to experience, not orgasm.

She might in turn learn to give you the same type of massage, and learn to remain relaxed during it as well. If she isn't having orgasms it may be best if you don't too. You don't want her to feel as though she is required to give you orgasms, especially if she can't have them during partnered sex. If she does want to give you pleasure and isn't doing it out of guilt, she should perhaps perfect her hand job skills, and again work on staying relaxed during the activity.

Mutual intimacy is going to be real important at this time, as will be open communication about your feelings, experiences, and frustrations. Discussions should occur outside the bedroom, or where ever you give the massages, before and/or afterwards. You don't want potentially emotional discussions occurring in the space set aside for intimacy and sex. Instead of watching TV go for a walk and talk things over, your plans for the next massage session or experiences during the last massage session. You don't want the relationship experiencing unnecessary strain and tension because of her physical discomfort, it isn't her fault, so neither of you should blame her.

If you read through the website you will see I mention several times that women and couples need to value pleasure, and not just sexual pleasure and orgasms, as that can actually be a barrier to sexual enjoyment. I mention this in the article linked to below:

Did She Experience Orgasm?

Additional information that may be of use to you is linked to below. Don't go by the title of the articles, but read through the content and see how it applies to your relationship and situation.

How to Have Female Orgasms

A Guide to Losing Your Virginity or Deciding if You Should Keep it Safe

You should have a long future together so you shouldn't feel the need to experience everything in the early stages of the relationship, or during your sexual explorations together. There is always tomorrow. The worst thing you can do is compare yourselves individually and as a couple to other individuals and couples, and attempt things together before you are ready. Progress sexually at your own pace.

You may also have to work together to reduce her overall stress, so she is more relaxed in general. If she is stressed during the day it is hard for her to relax and enjoy intimacy and sex at night, or whenever you choose to have it. You have to determine whether the cause of the stress is worth the rewards if any. Is she working too hard or taking too many classes? Is there unresolved conflict between her and her family, or between the two of you? Are wedding plans stressing her out?

I hope this information is of help, or if nothing else helps rules out some potential causes for her discomfort.

Question: Hi, I've been doing a lot of research on hymens, trying to figure out if I still have mine or not. And I'm still not sure. My boyfriend tried fingering me but he couldn't because it hurt me too much. Recently I tried stretching my vagina out by using a banana, I could get it in some but then when I got to a certain point, not that far in, it hurt too much to go on. I've read that the hymen is on the outside of the vagina and not the inside, if that's the case I don't know why it's painful to put anything in my vagina. My boyfriend and I are trying to figure this out because he wants to be able to finger me and have it feel good and he doesn't want me to be in too much pain when we have sex on our wedding night. I'd appreciate any help I could get because I've looked everywhere and this is something I really don't want to ask my doctor. Thank you.

Answer: Please see the information linked to below. If you should still have questions then please feel free to write again.

The Mysterious Hymen Revealed

Locating the Vagina and Determining the Cause of Vaginal Pain

Preparing the Vagina for Intercourse

Causes of Pain During Sexual Intercourse: Part 1

I am an 18 year old girl and I'm worried about the depth of my vagina

Question: I use to have a very nice, almost fragrant scent-especially when I was pregnant and celibate, and celibate for 7 years afterwards. Shortly after engaging in intercourse with my new husband, which includes him ejaculating inside me since he has had a vasectomy, my flowery feminine scent turned to stench. When I was sexually active prior to my years of celibacy I wasn't as nice smelling, but never as bad smelling as I am now. Even though it is very hard for my husband to reach climax with the use of any kind of condom, we tried using them for quite awhile to see if his ejaculate was the source of my scent with no prevail. I am almost positive his ejaculate is the source of my bad scent, seeing as how I've ruled out the fact that I began having orgasms with him, because I had daily orgasms via masturbation the whole time I was celibate. I have tried the female ph balancing over the counter vaginal cream and that hasn't helped. Do you know of any other reason why I now have this scent and what I can do about it? Is there any chance I can gain back my fragrant aroma while still having equally satisfying intercourse with my husband?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

It is my understanding that scents and odors are the result of bacteria. If your scent has changed then you have acquired a new bacteria, or a prior bacterial population has increased sufficiently for you to become aware of it. A bacterial infection involving the vagina is called Bacterial Vaginosis, and is addressed in the article linked to below:

Vaginitis: Inflammation of the Vagina

The infection could be the result of a prior change in the pH of your vagina, or it has caused a change in your vaginal pH. A bacterial infection is usually indicated by a less acidic environment, as indicated in the article linked to above. A doctor can test your vaginal pH, or you can acquire the test on the Internet. We and others sell pH test paper.

It is possible that you acquired the bacteria from your husband, or if you started using a new form of birth control at the time it could have changed your vaginal pH, which allowed the infection to develop. Stress during the time you started engaging in intercourse with your husband could have decreased your immunity.

At this point I recommend seeing a doctor to rule out a possible infection.

Additional information on this subject is presented in the article linked to below:

Feminine Hygiene: Care of Your Vulva and Vagina

Question: My hubby loves it when my period starts, he loves to go down on me and lick, or eat me out. When I let him the heavier the flow the better he loves it. Can that hurt him ? I would like your advice please. Thank you.

Answer: The only risk that I know of concerns blood borne diseases. Once you are fluid bonded, as you now are, and don't contract one of these diseases from someone else in the future, then there is no increased risk associated with the activity. It might be a little riskier than oral sex when you aren't on your period, but the risk is likely equal to anal intercourse without a condom, as injuries that result in blood flow are more likely during anal intercourse than vaginal intercourse.

Blood borne diseases are addressed in the article linked to below:

Wikipedia: Blood-borne Disease

Question: My question has to do with my 5 year old daughter who is constantly masturbating. It first started when she was just a few months old and she would push herself forward in her car seat over and over. I ignored her and let her be since she was so small and I figured she'd grow out of it. Eventually, she started touching herself whenever she'd have her diapers changed to which I simply moved her hand away and also ignored the activity. Then she started touching herself down there whenever she was naked, whether that be when taking a bath (she will sit on her hand and bounce her vulva over it for several minutes -- something I've always let her do and ignored and never bothered me till now), when changing out of her clothes for the night or changing into them in the morning, and also after using the toilet she likes to stand up and rub for a few minutes before re-dressing.

Lately her behavior with this I think has gone beyond acceptable. In addition to doing it during all the times listed above, now at home she does it every few hours in between everything else and she takes her time and gets bothered if something comes up and she has to stop. These episodes start off with her in a routine sequence walking around the room with one hand between her legs touching and rubbing her vulva for a few minutes. Then she gets onto her stomach and places both her hands between her legs and humps them getting for several minutes. Then she sits up and gets on the couch and straddles the arm of it and leans forwards and backwards, faster and faster, harder and harder,until she quickly gets off and lies on her back this time and starts rubbing her clit directly with one hand and then two, faster and faster till she orgasms. Her breathing gets louder, her face gets red, and she starts sweating. This whole process takes her thirty minutes to forty-five minutes to do.

Recently when she was doing this one evening, I tried to get her to go grocery shopping and told her that she had to come with me now. She said not till I'm finished. But after telling her over and over she wouldn't listen and was way to much involved in her activity. I tried to get her then in between her changing from one position to another. When she got up off her stomach and was headed towards the couch I said ok you are finished now, let's go. But she said wait and started humping the couch. And then I tried again after she was finished humping the couch but she still went on her back to continue. Finally, twenty minutes later when she stopped I got her to wash her hands and took her to the grocery store.

On another time, we were shopping for new clothes, and in the fitting room when she was trying new pants on, she insisted on standing there and rubbing before changing back. It was embarrassing and I couldn't do anything about it.

And during her sleep at night, I can hear her masturbating in bed several times. I check up on her and she is indeed asleep and not aware of what she is doing.

Is there anything that can be done? If she was only masturbating in the bathtub or at mornings or something I wouldn't be so concerned but she seems so caught up in it. Setting limits and rules about when and where this can be done has not worked. And that's when I started to worry.

Answer: I don't believe what your daughter is doing is abnormal, as other girls do the same, even though it is frustrating for you at times. As with adult women, the frequency at which girls are motivated to masturbate appears to depend on the individual, and no fixed rule applies to all. As long as she isn't masturbating to the point of causing physical injury, the frequency isn't an indication of the stress she is experiencing, she doesn't refuse to engage in other childhood activities, or it is the only way for her to gain your attention it probably shouldn't be a major cause of concern for you. She may not outgrow it, but other activities will likely take up more of her time, resulting in less opportunity and need.

It is perhaps more of a "problem" because you have allowed her to masturbate openly and she doesn't feel a need to hide her activities from you, and she shouldn't. If you had raised her to feel bad about these activities or that she had to hide them from you then you may have more control over her today, but at the expense of her sexual development and future sexual pleasure. It is difficult to know when it is too much of a good thing, if that is possible in this case.

You perhaps have the luxury of setting aside time to masturbate uninterrupted and know how to experience orgasm quicker than she can. If you could not do these things isn't it possible you wouldn't want to be interrupted for extended periods of time too? You may have learned greater control over your sexual feelings and needs, which isn't necessarily a good thing, and know how to address your sexual needs in a more timely and "appropriate" way, but as a result don't share in her luxury of extended guiltless pleasure. Since she hasn't experienced puberty her sexual responses may not be as rapid as your own, as you benefit from increased hormone levels.

Perhaps it is time she knew about her clitoris and that it is the cause for the pleasure and possible orgasms she experiences. You may also want to provide her with a bottle of lubricant, a small bottle of vegetable or olive oil will do, and a bathe towel on her bed. The idea being to encourage her to masturbate in her room in a potentially more enjoyable way. Explain to her that applying the lubricant to her clitoris and caressing it may result in more pleasure than humping, and shorten her masturbation sessions. You don't need to show her, only provide the knowledge and means. If you feel comfortable doing so, you may want to explain how you masturbate to orgasm, if you use your fingers and direct clitoral stimulation. You don't need to provide details, only acknowledge that you do.

You can also place furniture, pillows, large stuffed animals, or bolsters in her bedroom that would allow her to engage in these activities there, rather than in the common rooms of the house. She may still like to do it in different rooms, as a means of exploring different sensations and techniques, to demonstrate what she has learned, or simply because she doesn't want to be alone; she may want companionship even during her solitary activities.

In the process of showing, or re-showing, her her clitoris you might check to make sure she isn't experiencing clitoral adhesions or trapped smegma that irritates her clitoris, or is experiencing some other form of vulvar irritation. Basically, check the health of her vulva to ensure the motive behind her lengthy and frequent masturbation sessions isn't simply physical pleasure. She is old enough that you will want to ask for her permission prior to examining her vulva. There probably isn't a health problem, but it may not hurt to ensure this is true. You may want to talk to her about caring for her vulva and provide an opportunity to talk about her vulva, so she will feel more comfortable doing so in the future. Taking her to a doctor to have her vulva examined could be traumatic, and best avoided unless you know there is a problem.

Clitoral Adhesions

Consider the following: Does your inconvenience justify changing her habits? Does it really matter that you couldn't go to the store exactly when you wanted to or couldn't leave the dressing room when you were ready? Doesn't she have to wait on you at times? I am simply trying to change the perspective, I am not saying you are being a bad parent. Is the problem her actions or your decreased freedom? Is she simply demonstrating her increased independence? Is she testing her limits?

Your daughter needs to learn she can't always have things her way, but this applies to all aspects of her life, not just masturbation. The same rules must apply to all her actions, and apply equally to masturbation. What is going to happen when she attends school if no one can distract or interrupt her masturbation sessions? A friend who is a teacher had this experience with an 8-year-old girl, who has had a history of masturbating in class; I suspect the teachers are more aware and concerned than the other students.

I suggest consulting experts on childhood behavior in general, as it applies to getting children to do what they are being asked to do rather than masturbation specifically, to see what they have to say. If she is otherwise a well-behaved child then it may be best to take these episodes in stride, keeping in mind she is a 5 year old child and not an adult. She still has no concept of sex or sexual pleasure and probably wont for several more years, no matter how much you may try to explain it to her.

Here are some resources that could be of help:

How Kids Learn to Follow Directions: 13 Easy Ways to get Your Children to Listen -- and Mind

Helping Your Child Follow Directions

If you haven't already done so you may want to read through the Q&As about childhood sexuality on the website.

Q&A Subject Index: Childhood Sexuality

A visitor to the website sent me a letter last night, and you might find it of interest. Read letter.