Question: I'm 15 and have been masturbating for about three years. However, I started using an electric toothbrush while standing up; because I got quick and powerful orgasms. Standing up made my thighs lock and it made my orgasms feel better. Now, though, I can't have an orgasm without using an electric toothbrush and standing up. Any ideas as to how I can fix this?

Answer: It is wonderful that you have learned to give yourself sexual pleasure and orgasm. As an adolescent it is important to have a means of releasing the sexual tension and energy you experience as your sexual hormones start exerting control over your mind and body. It can be very frustrating and confusing when you do not have a constructive means of doing so. It also helps you to recognize when you are sexually aroused so that you are less likely to confuse these sexual feelings with the emotional state of being in love. It is far better to release this sexual energy through masturbation than by seeking out a sexual partner before you are ready; especial since they may not know how to stimulate you to orgasm. You also do not need to rely on a partner for your sexual pleasure. As a result, you should feel very proud of yourself for having developed this important skill that will serve you throughout your life. Your current masturbation technique does create a couple potential barriers to experiencing orgasm with a partner though.

Your electric toothbrush vibrates and creates potentially intense stimulation. Many girls and women have discovered the pleasure of pressing one against their vulva and clitoris. The problem is that the stimulation it provides may be far more intense than anything your own or a partner's fingers can provide. Your mind and body may have become conditioned to this type and intensity of stimulation and is unable to respond to any other. It is not that you become addicted to the vibrations, it is more that is just what you are most familiar with. It is kind of like being accustomed to driving down the highway at 75 mph and then one day only being able to do 40 mph. The problem is not the toothbrush so much as the fact you probably will not be able to bring it with you when you have sex with a partner. Plus, it is nice to be able to reach orgasm as a result of your partner's touch. I would not recommend a girl, teen, or woman learn to masturbate using a vibrator for this reason, except when all other methods have been tried but failed. Vibrators are great, but not the best starting point.

My first suggestion would be to throw the electric toothbrush in the trash. This eliminates the temptation to use it when your try a new technique and it doesn't work right away. We all tend to rely on whatever technique works best; it is human nature. The problem with this suggestion is that given your age you may not be able to buy another in the future, if six months goes by and you have not found a new technique that works. This would make matters much worse because you would likely become sexually frustrated and emotionally depressed. You may as a result go in search of a sexual partner before you are really wanting too.

What you might try is weaning yourself off the intense stimulation slowly. You do this by decreasing the amount of stimulation your clitoris receives from the toothbrush. At first this may mean wearing a pair of panties when you masturbate. Then place a washcloth between the toothbrush and your vulva. Then double up the washcloth or towel. Then start each masturbation session by using only your fingers. Use a lubricant; saliva, a water-based lubricant, or hand lotion. Using your fingers slowly caress and explore your vulva. See what feels good. Do it with your fingers for increasing amounts of time before switching to the toothbrush. At some point though you may need to use only your fingers even if you do not reach orgasm. You do not want the toothbrush to become a crutch. If you can go an extended period of time without using the tooth brush your sexual tension and desire will build up and you may be more sensitive and responsive to stimulation from your fingers as a result. The main thing is to stay relaxed and enjoy to yourself. Remember to breath.

Many women use thigh tension to increase sexual pleasure and to produce orgasm. Many young girls discover the pleasure of thigh tension when climbing ropes and poles at school. They notice a pleasant sensation when they engage in these activities and may do so repeatedly. There are women who sit with their legs crossed and rhythmically squeeze their thigh muscles until they reach orgasm. The problem is that it is hard to engage in partner sex when you need to keep your legs straight and ridged during orgasm. This is because it limits access to your vulva; you cannot keep your legs spread to permit a partner to manually or orally stimulate your vulva. Experiencing orgasm during intercourse is even less likely to occur, especially in positions that require the woman to keep her legs bent. As a result, it is beneficial if you can learn to have orgasms when your leg muscles are relaxed.

First, try learning to orgasm without the toothbrush then work on the thigh tension. Another way of producing thigh tension that does not involve keeping your legs straight is to bend your legs at the knees and to place the soles of your feet together. Your legs should form a diamond shape. Caress your vulva with your fingers and slowly raise your knees off the floor or bed. Keeping your feet together slowly bring your knees towards each other, stopping when they are a few inches off the floor or bed. Hold this position while you continue to caress your vulva. You will likely feel your legs start to shake as the tension develops in them. This technique allows you to keep your thighs spread while allowing tension to develop in your thighs. Once you learn to do this, raise you knees a little less each time and for a shorter period of time. Get to a point where you only need to do it right at orgasm and then decrease the amount of tension you require prior to orgasm.

Another technique you can try is water spray. Turn your tub faucet on so the water is a comfortable temperature, lay with your vulva under the flow of water while your legs are spread wide or place them against the shower wall. If you have a handheld showerhead try using this. Experiment with different water pressures and temperatures.

Techniques you will want to avoid are those where you press your vulva against your hand or other objects. Do not lay on your stomach either. This is because these techniques often employ thigh tension and restrict access to your vulva as well.

The main thing you should learn is to relax and enjoy yourself. Do not try to have an orgasm every time you masturbate. I know this is easier said than done. Try to schedule time for your self-exploration and masturbation sessions. Once a week spend an hour exploring your body and making love to yourself. Take a long shower or bath, rub lotion into your entire body, and sit in front of a mirror and explore your vulva. Look at your vulva and play with it. Explore your vagina and anus. Apply a generous amount of lubricant and massage your vulva. Caress and tweak your nipples. Think about making love to someone. Have fun and explore the pleasure your body can give you. Do not try to have orgasms quickly, stay relaxed and remember to breath.

In the end, do not lose sight of the fact that it is far more important that you be able to give yourself sexual pleasure and orgasm than it is to be able to experience orgasm while using another masturbation technique. It would be better that you continue to masturbate using your current technique than for you to forgo sexual pleasure and orgasm all together. You are not harming yourself by masturbating as you do. There are women who are only able to reach orgasm when they use a vibrator; their body is simply not sensitive to less intense forms of stimulation. There is nothing wrong with them; it is just how their body works. I say this because you may find you are one of these women. When you are a little older you may need to buy a vibrator and teach your partner how to use it. Even at fifteen you can go to your local department store and buy a muscle massager if you so desire. Do not be afraid to use a vibrator with a partner if that is what you find gives you pleasure. Do not allow others to dictate too you what you should find sexually pleasurable.

Site visitors may wonder why my advice here conflicts with advice given elsewhere on the website. I do encourage women to use vibrators, but they are no the best starting point when women and girls are first learning to masturbate. It is better to use your own fingers, as that is what naturally occurs during infancy and childhood. If you reach your late teens or early twenties and have tried using your fingers and hands, and they do not work, consider using a vibrator. Many women find that once they learn to have their first orgasms with a vibrator they soon discover other methods that work just as well. Vibrators often help women to break through the barrier that prevents them from having an orgasm. Vibrators are important sexual aides for women, but they are not a replacement for the intimacy of human touch. I would not recommend that women ALWAYS use their vibrator when masturbating or during partner sex; even if that is the only way they can experience orgasm. Orgasm should not be the primary or only goal of masturbation or partner sex.

Rubbing the vulva against objects is also a normal part of sexual development but one would hope a girl would at some point roll over and learn to use her hands to caress her vulva to orgasm. This is more likely to occur if she does not feel the need to hide her masturbation sessions from others and is encouraged to explore her vulva with a mirror. There is nothing wrong with this common technique, it is just hard to employ during partner sex. Women who are only able to reach orgasm with this technique can still share their orgasms with partner, by masturbating with them present and perhaps masturbating beside them. Engage in other techniques if they are pleasurable; even if orgasm does not occur.