Question: I am a bit embarrassed. Having said that, my question is this: Earlier today I with a guy and he was giving me oral sex and also using his fingers. He was very rough, and I should have told him to be lighter but I was afraid of hurting his feelings so I pretended to enjoy it. It wasn't his fault. When it was over, I went to the bathroom to pee, and noticed my clitoris and that area in general was very very swollen, and a bit sore. It looks about 5 times the normal size, and I can't sit down comfortably. Is this just because of the roughness? Will it go back down to normal after a while? There was a question already posted on your site but it did not say; "If the swelling is due to a sexual activity, it means....". I think it is just irritated and will be all right, but I would like a professional's opinion.
Answer: First, if a guy is doing something wrong, tell him. Yes, it is his fault. Many if not most guys, and gals, have no clue as how to have sex, because no one has taught them. If you do not tell him the truth from the beginning, he will naturally believe he is doing everything correctly. As time passes, you will likely become even more reluctant to tell him the truth.
What many women do not realize is, a man may use and dump you even if you do everything possible to please him. The more you do for him, the longer he may stick around, even if he really does not like you very much, but the outcome is likely to be the same. If a guy really cares for you, he will want to know how to give you pleasure. If he doesn't like you coaching him, you do not want him as a partner, as he wont be a good one.
I would expect the swelling of your vulva to go down quickly, if it has not already. The tissues of your vulva are very sensitive, and have a large blood supply, so they can swell up very quickly, and become very sore, because of the increased pressure on the nerve endings. Gently rinse your vulva with plain water, and afterwards, try to keep it as dry as possible. Wear loose fitting clothing and underwear, like a skirt or dress, and no underwear, taps pants, or men's boxers. If the irritation is severe, there are products available over the counter, in the feminine hygiene section of your local store, that will help decrease the sensitivity and discomfort.
The next time you have sex with your partner, tell him to be more gentle, and consider getting an appropriate lubricant. Depending on the sexual activities you are engaging in, whether a condom will be used, will determine what you can use, and if it is readily available in your home. Have him apply a generous amount of lubricant before you begin. Water based lubricants, like KY Jelly, dry out quickly, keep a small container of water near you and apply a little water to re-hydrate the lubricant.