Questions and Answers About Female Sexuality Volume 18: Questions 181-190

Question Part 1: My daughter is three years old and her hood is still fully adhered over her glans. I remember reading, in past Q&A that as an infant boy's foreskin is adhered to his penile glans, so is an infant girl's hood. Eventually, a boy's foreskin releases and can be retracted. When does a girl's hood release? Whenever I wash her vulva, I always spread her labia, talking to her about being clean, so that I can wipe inside, but her clitoral hood remains closed and I don't want her to incur any infections. Is this normal or should I discuss this with her doctor?

Answer Part 1: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general information.

It is my understanding that the foreskin of the penis is normally adherent to the glans of the penis at birth, and parents are cautioned against using force to retract it. Using force causes rather than prevents irritation, as raw tissue surfaces are left exposed. The foreskin and glans typically separate sometime before puberty. I am not aware of a exact age or circumstance. Not until puberty and nocturnal erections is it likely of concern.

Given the similarities between the clitoris and penis, I believe you would treat them the same.

I believe I mention on the website not to use force, and that they are normally fused at birth, in the articles about the anatomy of the vulva and in my advice on hygiene for daughters.

Labial adhesions are common and they are not a reason for concern unless they interfere with urination. I don't know how they form if the labia are being gently spread and rinsed on a regular basis. While an estrogen cream can be used to treat adhesions, the popular consensus today is to leave them alone, as they will go away on their own, when estrogen levels start rising during puberty. I would presume this is equally true for the clitoral hood.

You can read about labial adhesions by viewing the websites that show up in the following Google search:

Google Search: labial adhesions daughter

At present, I would look for signs of irritation or inflammation and not be concerned unless there are, in which case take her to the doctor.

I presume your daughter is too young to understand how her vulva will change with time. I would tell her about spreading her labia but not worry about the subject of possibly retracting her hood for a couple more years. Then you may have to show her your clitoris, demonstrating your anatomy, comparing it to hers, explaining how things will change with time. You should have several discussions concerning hygiene over the course of the coming years, as her body grows and changes, and to account for the way her mind will process the information at the time. As long as you are caring for her vulva, she needs to know less, and will learn primarily from experience. For now she only needs to know she has a vulva and clitoris, and their location, not all of their different parts.

I commend you for taking the time to care for your daughter's vulva, but I want to caution you not to over do it, or unintentionally teach your daughter that her vulva is dirty and needs to be "cleaned." You only want her to know she needs to rinse her vulva with plain water, to keep it "healthy." In time, she needs to know all her different parts, with the aid of a mirror, and that eventually her hood will retract. It is a challenge to teach good hygiene without sending the wrong message. At this point, she likely learns more from how you treat and care for her AND your vulva than from anything to say to her.

Question Part 2: Thank you for such a quick reply... Though my daughter is 3, she has Cerebral Palsy and is still in diapers, hence the frequent cleaning. I teach her that her vulva is special to her and very sensitive and that keeping it clean of urine and bowel movement is healthy. I do not know when she will be in control of her eliminations, so diapers may be a part of her daily routine for longer than typical. She had a urinary tract infection (UTI) as an infant, and I don't want her to have to endure another.

Because of the afore mentioned UTI, I worried that I had not cleaned her thoroughly enough and am now more deliberate while still maintaining a gentle touch. We don't talk about her vulva as being generally "dirty", but we do talk about how she needs to be kept clean for her health.

I didn't realize that the foreskin (and analogously, the c. hood) was adhered until almost puberty. Other than the UTI, her vulva has been and remains healthy looking and she has not noted any discomfort, so I will stop worrying.

Answer Part 2: Unfortunately, we have to refer to care procedures for the uncircumcised penis to have guidance in caring for the hood of the clitoris. The website linked to below is one of those guides.

Cleaning the Penis with Intact Foreskin

The following website states the male foreskin separates from the glans by age five in most boys, but does not occur in some until puberty.

Article removed from referenced website, see above article.

Some websites recommend applying natural oils to the vulva to reduce irritation in girls and women. Vitamin E and olive oil are two possible choices. This may help provide a barrier between her vulvar tissues and irritating body fluids like urine.

Google Search: Olive Oil Vulva

Google Search: Vitamin E Vulva

Many recommend using vitamin E or olive oil as vulvar lubricant, but the following website states they're use could result in a bacterial infection. As with everything, your personal experience may vary. If there is excess moisture, i.e. water/urine/sweat, then it seems like natural lubricants may provide nourishment for bacteria and fungus (yeast). If true, you want the natural oil to lubricate, but otherwise want to maintain a moisture free area.

Wikipedia: Vulvodynia - Treatment and Disease Management

Question Part 1: Hi. I did a search on the net trying to find out what the hard white stuff that seemed to be beneath the skin on my clitoris (when the hood was pulled back) was. I am 22 and since my teens I have been looking at it and often poking it away with the blunt of a needle or tweezers- I was too embarrassed to ask anyone and thought it was dirty (I am very particular about things being clean and "perfect"). I read that it was smegma and perfectly normal (despite the strange name!) It causes no discomfort but I feel like a freak it being there i.e. not removed and it's more on one side (I am a bit obsessed with symmetry). I don't normally ask for help but I am in tears as I am worried: the white stuff has been there for weeks and I thought it would not budge- I have been squeezing at it (similar to a spot) and it eventually came out last night (I have previously removed it in this way several times). My worry is that the right side of my clitoris is now very red (not quite blood but almost) and there is a line down the middle of it (it seems to be where the top layer of skin on the right has perhaps peeled away from my interfering with it???) I am assuming it will heal as normal ..it is too sensitive to touch or do anything with but there is still some white in there (maybe it is new as I had sex very early today) ... it is as though there is a line along the right side of my clitoris that goes deeper into the skin so that the secretion gets right in there and then hardens from within... I HATE it being there! I tell my husband everything but am too ashamed to share this worry... I feel it is unhygienic (although I KNOW from your sight that it isn't) - it is a stigma I can't get away from....... PLEASE email me back and help me with this (I would say just answer on your site but how would I know where exactly to look??) I find it scary that the medical profession are not so familiar with these things.... Thanks....

Answer Part 1: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

I am guessing it is possible the dried smegma had adhered to the tissue of clitoral glans and pulled it away when you removed the smegma, but the other possibilities are that the dried smegma irritated the area of the glans that it was in contact with because it may act like sand paper on the delicate glans, or the dried smegma protected that area of the glans so it was not subjected to the same frictional irritation that the remainder of the glans was, thus no thin layer of protective skin cells would form. I would expect this area to be painfully sensitive.

The solution is to rinse away the sebum before it collects and hardens into smegma, which requires regular rinsing of the area under the hood with plain water. To soften dried smegma I mention applying a petroleum based products like petroleum jelly or triple antibiotic ointment, as they will lubricate the area and potentially soften any smegma that has formed. Work one of these up under the hood after bathing. I believe if you get in the habit of retracting the hood it will slowly stretch over time making the process easier and make stimulating the clitoris easier if you enjoy direct stimulation.

I believe doctors are reluctant to closely examine the clitoris, as the women may misinterpret what they are doing, especially if the hood fits tightly and is hard to retract.

Question Part 2: Hi... Thanks for getting back to me... The weird thing is that it is not painful or irritable at all it's just that I would look at it, SEE that it was there and feel I had to get rid of it. The hood goes back very easily and I am always sure to wash/ rinse gently inside it every day.... perhaps the solution would be to rinse immediately after sex and not fall asleep?!?! I am relieved to have found your site, it is reassuring that these things are perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of.....

Answer Part 2: I would not expect the sebum to harden overnight so don't see a need to rinse after sex. The sebum is produced all the time, and is not a sexual fluid per say. Washing too often or aggressively may irritate the tissues and glands and increase production. A daily rinsing with plain water should be sufficient.

Question Part 1: Hi, I am about 16 years old, and yesterday, I went to my doctor (a family doctor who I have been to since I was born) just for a normal checkup. Now, I was having a slight stomach cramp, so he wanted to check "down there" just to see if everything was alright. It turned out the stomach cramp wasn't anything serious. But, when the doctor saw my vulva, it was kind of wet (I had masturbated right before I came). Also, though he was wearing gloves, his hands brushed by the wet parts, so I know for sure he knew it was wet.

Now, I have no idea what to make of this. He is a friend of my parents, and I don't want them to know I masturbate. And what should I say next time I go for a checkup?

Answer Part 1: There are many reasons why the vulva may be wet so he probably would not presume you had recently masturbated. Even if it was clear vaginal lubrication and suspected you had recently been sexually aroused I doubt he would consider this unusual, as he has likely seen this many times before. He may also attribute any increased wetness to nervous sweating.

His being a family friend does introduce an interesting dynamic, but you must consider the fact that he has seen your vulva many times before and seen thousands of vulvas over the years. I feel you would be justified in asking to see a different doctor in the future because of the family relationship, especially if your mother has a different doctor or OBGYN.

Also keep in mind the fact that 80-90% of your peers have or will masturbate so you have nothing to be embarrassed about. So even if he "knows," you didn't do anything wrong or abnormal. It would be extremely unprofessional of him to say anything about it to anyone.

Question Part 2: Ok, thanks a lot. By the way, you say there are many reasons it could be wet? What are those possible reasons, just out of curiosity.

Answer Part 2: There are also your normal vaginal and cervical fluids that your body always produces. These are addressed on the page about feminine hygiene in the health section of the website. If he was wearing latex or Nitrile gloves, which he should have been, you may have felt wetter than you actually were, because of the extra slipperiness.

Question: Hi I am 20 and currently dating my girlfriend of 3 months. The problem is that I can't seem to allow myself to orgasm with her or in front of her. I had the same problem with my only other girlfriend; where after dating for over a year I still could not orgasm with her, even though she came quickly. While she was very kind and understanding at first, I could tell after a while her feelings were hurt and she felt inadequate, especially because I can make myself orgasm pretty much every time I try by myself alone (alone being the key word). We broke up because of other issues and now I don't want my next relationship to go through the same difficulties. While it is true that the relationships are based on more than getting each other to come, I would be deluding myself to say it doesn't matter at all. The fact that this problem has occurred in more than one relationship of mine points to me being the cause and not my girlfriends' lack of finesse. We have tried masturbating next to each other and I can't even do that, even though I get really turned on and it is easy when I am alone, or when she is sleeping next to me. How can I allow myself to feel vulnerable to another person if I tried for over a year with no success? I think this is my problem even though my best friend who is straight swears that I need to "try out the penis" because she thinks that I might not even be gay. Of course she says this to tease me and see me cringe but I still don't know what to do.

Answer: What are you thinking about when masturbating alone versus with your girlfriend? If you are thinking about her watching you that could be the problem. You likely need your brain focused on sex, not being watched or the other person. So you might tell her your sexual fantasy while masturbating with her.

You might try using a vibrator so the physical stimulation is strong enough that mental stimulation is less necessary. It may also make orgasm unavoidable, if the stimulation is strong enough. Try this, but don't try too hard. If it isn't the quick and easy solution move on to something else.

The other option is to watch an adult video together, and for you to watch it rather than her. You don't want to be aware of her mentally, and she may need to be out of your line of sight initially. Be sure to choose a video that you find highly arousing. You can also read an erotic story you find arousing to yourself or out loud to her.

Another option is to have her lay facing away from you as if she were sleeping, and for you to face away from her. Or try masturbating in another room when she is awake and knows what you are doing. The fact that you can masturbate to orgasm with her sleeping beside you is an important detail, as it indicates her physical presence is not the barrier to orgasm.

Part of the problem may be all the failed attempts during your first relationship, and performance anxiety is now the barrier to orgasm. You fear not being able to experience orgasm so you cannot. If this is the case you need to explore pleasure not orgasm. You would also need to accept that you are not alone in not being able to experience orgasm with a partner. Many women cannot experience orgasm alone. So don't put yourself down. If orgasm is to happen it will need to be a surprise.

Some verbal exercises are for you to have the following conversation with your girlfriend while you masturbate together and are highly aroused.

You "I feel so sexy masturbating in front of you"

Her "I love watching you masturbate."

You "I love the shape of your breasts" or compliment something else about her

Her "You have beautiful breasts" or she compliments something about you.

Or tell or exchange sexual fantasies until you feel close to orgasm then say.

You "I would like to have an orgasm."

Her "I would like you to have an orgasm."

You "I give myself permission to have an orgasm"

Her "I give you permission to have an orgasm"

It may be an oversimplification of the problem but it also may work.

I would try the things mentioned above before considering other possibilities.

If you are physically, sexually, and romantically attracted to your girlfriend and enjoy giving her sexual pleasure and receiving sexual pleasure from her then your sexual orientation shouldn't be the cause. You need to ensure you are sexually attracted to her versus only finding her physically attractive. If you are emotionally intimate with her then this too should not be a barrier to sexual pleasure and orgasm. If you are in anyway uncomfortable with the idea of sex with another woman then this is a possible cause. Do your friends and family know your true sexual orientation and are the supportive?

Question: I am going to be marrying my girlfriend of five years next summer. We have an awesome sex life neither of us wanting for anything. We are somewhat kinky, mostly in the verbal form. Always talking firty to each other, talking about our nasty deep down fantasies. There is one thing that makes me really really wonder. Her deepest dark fantasy is to watch me and her best friend have sex together. Its not that she wants a threesome, she has told me that she did not even have to be there. She just wants to know that her friend and I have had sex. This is not just fantasy talk or a passing statement. She is adamant about it.

I do have to admit, she is bisexual, her and her friend do have sex on occasion. I am ok with that, I know the feelings she has for a woman sexually are things that I can never provide for her. I was aware of her feelings towards women before we got together. It is something I am comfortable with and willing to live with for the rest of our lives. I just do not understand her yearning for me to have sex with someone else. Especially her best friend. We have talked about threesomes and are interested in trying one. None the less what would instill this drive in her to have me be with her best friend.

I hope you can help me with my question, shed some light on my situation. I also wouldn't mind feedback from readers if that is at all possible.

Answer: Women tend to need a strong emotional component in their sexual relationship(s) so she is more likely to have a sexual relationship with a friend of either sex rather than a stranger. So she would tend to be friends with a woman before or after engaging in sex with her.

She may want to share you with her friend and visa versa and merge these two relationships that now exist in two separate areas of her life. If you two marry and live together she may want and need to have you more involved in, not necessarily sexually, and supportive of her relationship with her girlfriend. There is already a triad relationship, but at present she may feel she is in two separate relationships and doesn't like it. She may want to wake up in the morning with both of you in bed with her, for emotional reasons, not just sexual motives.

She may want your full support of her relationship with her girlfriend, and visa versa. She may want the three of you to do things to together, as couples normally do, not just on a sexual level. But, some women want the separation between these two relationships.

For this to all work you need to like and possibly be friends with her girlfriend, or conflicts will inevitably arise, especially once the marriage dynamic is entered into. You may be marry two women rather than one, depending on the dynamics of their relationship.

I would not recommend you engage in sex with her girlfriend if you do not like her or do not find her sexually attractive, or are uncomfortable with the idea or reality of it. While the idea of a sexual threesome may sound appealing most men are probably too insecure to share their partner with another, emotionally let alone sexually. It may be hard for you to watch them engage in sex and realize she is not reliant on you for sex, or her sexual responses are more intense with her girlfriend. Can you sit back and watch your girlfriend have sex with her girlfriend and not feel jealous and angry? Men like the idea of being in the middle of a threesome but not the reality of finding themselves on the sidelines from time to time; I have heard of guys basically getting pushed to the floor when the girls connected and concentrated on each other. Society generally does not prepare the average person for the reality of sharing their partner with others.

My only major concern over the idea of you having sex with her girlfriend, especially without her being there, is this could be a test to see if you would cheat on your girlfriend. Would you cheat on her with her best friend? Do you feel her sexual relationship with another person justifies you having sex with another woman, or man? If you try to have sex with her girlfriend she is likely to know one way or the other. My advice is to have her bring her girlfriend into your relationship rather than you trying to enter into theirs. Since you are getting married to her then your relationship is likely the primary one, so you need to bring things into it rather than take them out of it, in my opinion.

I believe you need to sit down with your girlfriend outside the bedroom and a outside a sexual context and discuss these three relationships and what each expects of them. You also need to include her friend once the two of you decide so everyone is on the same page. What does her girlfriend expect? What if her girlfriend has a partner? What if her girlfriend is a lesbian or isn't sexually attracted to you?

A triad relationship is potentially very rewarding, but also more is at risk. There isn't one relationship at risk but three. The failure of one could cause all to fail, and problems or jealousy in one can affect them all. The benefit is you have three people supporting each other and their relationships. I would caution you not to see it as only an opportunity to have sex with two women, as that would be detrimental to you, them, and your relationships with them.

Just my unprofessional opinion.

Question: Can a history of irregular periods effect the results of a pregnancy test? I am 18 years old, I started having menstrual cycles at age 12, but they never became regular, only for about 2 or 3 months at a time. Now I think I might be pregnant because its been at least 5 or 6 week (not sure) since my last period. I have taken 2 pregnancy test over the past two weeks about a week between them, both came out negative. But since in states on the package hormone levels my very, (I was thinking especially so in my case) weather or not that might mean their wrong. Can you please tell me how likely it is that I may or my not be pregnant? And how long should I wait to take another test? Since I do not have health insurance going to the doctor just isn't an option right now. Please can you help.

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

The pregnancy test looks for a hormone other than what is normally found in a woman's body so your irregular periods would not influence it's accuracy. Please see the following linked to information:

Linked to article was removed from website.

Question: I'm 33 and about 3 months ago I started inserting objects while masturbating. Then two weeks ago I purchased a vibrator. The first time I used it, I bled a little afterwards so I didn't use it for a week. Then two days ago, I used it again. And again when I was done, I started bleeding. I actually had to use a pad/panty liner that day and the next because of the bleeding. Then today I got my period so I tried to use a tampon. I was bleeding so much I had to take the tampon out. The blood was a different consistency than menstrual blood and it seemed to come from a different location. I'm not sure what was causing the bleeding while using the vibrator and I don’t know if the bleeding while I tried to use a tampon was because of the vibrator.

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

You do not mention whether you have prior experience with inserting objects into your vagina or with vaginal intercourse. Is the vibrator larger in diameter or harder than the other objects you had inserted while masturbating? Is it possible your hymen was torn by the vibrator and then re-injured yesterday when you inserted the tampon? Sometimes opening an old wound resulting in more bleeding than was initially experienced. The only other cause of bleeding that I can think of that could be attributed to the vibrator would be a cut. I would closely examine the vibrator to ensure there are no sharp edges. Wash your vibrator and use your fingers and then your lips to ensure there aren't and rough or sharp edges.

You need to know the source of the bleeding, whether it is from your hymen, vagina, or uterus. Since the tampon was not absorbing the blood then the likely source would be your lower vagina or hymen.

Any unexplained bleeding should always be brought to a doctor's attention.

Sorry that I cannot be of more help.

Question: I really enjoyed the article about female ejaculate and how to stimulate the G-spot to orgasm. I really learned a lot on what to do to please a woman.

Is it okay to ingest female cum? I had a woman some years ago orgasm into my mouth. I had no idea that women ejaculated. I had allergies at the time and couldn't smell anything. We were both drinking heavily and the night was a blur. I do remember the enjoyable analingus and cunnilingus I provided her.

When I got home the next morning, my sense of smell and taste started to come back. I noticed a funky fishy taste in my mouth. I was kind of hung over too. There was thick pasty film in the back of my throat. I even scooped some out and examined it. I said, "what the hell...."

I then realized that this was female jizm. It wasn't another dude's either! The funky fishy taste didn't turn me off either. Her jizm was delicious. Unfortunately, I never got anymore, as I never saw her again.: . o (

I have always wanted to find a woman who could do what she did to my mouth that night. Yummy!

But is it safe to swallow female cum and urine? What about rimming a woman's asshole? If she has no disease or parasites is there anything else to worry about ? I do love performing this task immensely.

Answer: It is my understanding that ingesting female ejaculation poses no more risk than ingesting her other vaginal/vulvar fluids. Ingesting her ejaculate probably poses no more risk than ingesting her vaginal lubrication. If a woman is healthy then ingesting her urine is not harmful. If you shouldn't or don't want to exchange body fluids, as in safe sex, then any fluid poses some risk. There is no such thing a "zero risk" but there are "high risk" activities. Anal sex is high risk, because of the risk of injuries that result in blood flow, and oral sex is a "lower risk" activity.

I don't believe female ejaculation should taste or smell fishy, perhaps musky, and is not as sticky or pasty as you mention. This woman may have had an infection, or what you describe was the combined result of sex and too much alcohol.

Analingus is addressed on the following web sites:

Puckerup.com: Ass-to-Mouth

Go Ask Alice: Does a good washing before anilingus remove bacteria?

Because there are so many variables involved it is impossible to predict the exact risks associated with every sexual activity that occurs between couples. Obviously, if someone has an infection the risks are much greater than if they didn't. If neither has an infection then the risk is zero. Sex in of itself does not cause disease. Individuals also have different levels of immunity and susceptibility to infection.

Question Part 1: I'm having concerns about my six year old daughter. She's been curious about herself for a while now and so long as she's by herself in her room I don't mind if she masturbates. But she has for the longest time had some kind of fascination with my socks. She steals them from my shoes or from the hamper and hides them in her room. Usually I find them in her bed or under the pillow, but recently I've been catching her putting them down her underwear.

Why does she do this, and is it harmful? I don't want her to hurt herself, nor do I want to cause potential psychological harm by forcing her out of this habit. I'm afraid that she'll confuse my intentions, and think that she's in trouble for masturbating when I'm really concerned about her doing that with socks.

If it won't hurt her I'll let it be however if there is an easy way to break her out of it I am open to suggestions. Also for my own curiosity, why does she go after my socks and not her father's?

I appreciate your help.

Answer Part 1: I am not a doctor or anything so I am making an educated guess with the following advice.

Assuming she likes the feel of your socks against her vulva and masturbates with them for this reason my suggestion is to buy her some of her own, perhaps of the same fabric but of a different color, and be sure to wash them periodically. If it isn't the fabric that she likes then the subjects potentially becomes a lot more complex, but getting her her own should tell you if there is another reason. No need to cross that bridge unless you need to.

My only concern would be health related if she uses your dirty socks. The bacteria and such that like the warm moist places between our toes might like the warm moist places of her vulva.

Given her age and the fact no harm appears to be done I would not make a big deal out of this. If it wasn't your socks it could another object, like a stuffed toy.

A woman I knew kept finding Pick-Up-Sticks in her daughter's bed and she couldn't figure out why until she learn she had been inserting them into her vagina.

I added some questions and answers about childhood sexuality that may interest you.

Question Part 2: She does have her own socks, but she likes mine for some reason. I have not seen her play with her own or my husbands.

I'm a physical trainer and I wear a variety of socks, at work I use athletic slouch socks usually because they are more absorbent but around the house I have anything from casual socks, to knee/thigh high socks. She seems to be picky with what pair she takes as far as style. But I'll keep a closer eye on it.

You said it shouldn't hurt her if they are clean but what if she starts inserting them?

Answer Part 2: She is old enough that you should be able to explain to her about "clean vulva" and "dirty socks". Tell her how your dirty socks have very tiny "bugs" living in them that can make her sick if they enter her body through her vulva. Clean sock are okay, same as clean underwear, but dirty socks are not.

You can ask her what type of socks she would like you to buy her to see if she has preference. She may be experimenting with different textures and your socks are a convenient size.

If you by chance use sanitary napkins, or she knows about them, she could be playing at being an adult woman, but then you would expect her to experiment with the pads, unless you only have tampons in the house.

If she prefers socks that have been worn then she may like your scent, which isn't a bad thing even if it sounds odd, and may have some health risks associated with it.

I would not expect her to be able to insert the socks into her vagina because of their size and friction and her small size. If she tried something and it caused discomfort or pain she would naturally stop, short of there being a major emotional or psychological issue. I recall mention of a girl inserting a washcloth into her vagina, but I would guess that is a very unusual occurrence, as other objects would be much easier to insert.

It may just be "Kids do the darndest things!" and we cannot explain why.

Question: Hi. I have a question about sexual arousal and sexual orientation. I feel that I get aroused by men and women but it feels somewhat different and I am not sure why.

With men, it is by experiences, fantasies, and dreams - usually with me kissing and sexually exploring his body and pleasuring the man and emotionally I feel very passionate and close to the man and my vagina feels warm and swollen with a nice pressure that builds up. Does the vagina actually grow when aroused? Because that is how it feels when I am turned on by a man. Usually, my feelings are for men that I know and want romantic relationships with, at least at the time.

With women, I feel a pulse feeling in my vagina if I look at naked porno pictures of women. I don't seek out these pictures, but sometimes you see them unexpectedly and it I don't know if this makes me a lesbian or bisexual. I read in your website about throbbing, but I don't know if mine is really throbbing since I will feel like a few contractions down there and that's it. It is not a steady throbbing feeling. It does feel good though. But I don't feel anything for women that I come in contact with, nor have I felt drawn to actually have sex with women or have a romantic relationship with a woman. If I do not see these types of pictures, I would not feel anything for women. I have had dreams where I have felt aroused by women as I described above but it is to porno pictures that I find in my dreams and the weird thing is that when I wake up, I am not wet at all. If I was truly sexually aroused in my dream, enough for my vagina to pulse or throb, wouldn't I wake up at least somewhat lubricated? I don't think that I have a problem with lubrication.

I understand that bisexual people can feel arousal and sexual desire for both sexes, but I don't understand why my arousal for both seems to feel different. Does sexual arousal usually feel a certain way, or can it feel different depending on what the stimulus is? Which of my feelings that I described above seems more consistent with what most women feel when aroused?

Answer: My guess is that your response to porn featuring women is not sexual even though you are aware of changes in your vulva and/or vagina. It may be like a nervous twitch, not a sexual response. In a Q&A on the website, linked to below, a woman's physical responses to other women appears to have been the result of or caused by anxiety not true sexual attraction.

You seem to be uncomfortable with erotica featuring women, perhaps fearing that if you looked at it, liked it, or responded sexually to it that would make you a lesbian or bisexual, which isn't the case at all. My suggestion is to search out some erotica featuring women and look at it until it doesn't affect you anymore, or you discover it doesn't or does sexually arouse you. Even if it sexually arouses you that doesn't mean you are a lesbian or bisexual, you may be responding to the sexual theme, or like many women, have been conditioned to see the female body in a sexual way by society.

The experiences of other young women are presented in the Q&As linked to below:

Questions and Answers: Female Sexual Orientation

I don't mean to minimize your experience or concerns but you are perhaps reading more into this than you should, and that is the cause of your experiences rather than something of a truly sexual nature.