Female Sexual Arousal and Orgasm

Survey Results: Jane Magazine, June/July 2004

Based on 2,137 responses to an online poll this is what their readers had to say about their frequency of experiencing orgasm during sex:

I have an orgasm (or five) every time I have sex 43%
I've had "the moment" a few times 38%
Still waiting for that one 19%

"It's happened twice to me. But if you ask my boyfriend, it happens every night." -Savana, 18, Niagara Falls, NY
"Not intercourse, but all the time in outercourse." -Lola, 28, Merced, Calif.
"Sheet, I am a one-minute man." -TJ, 24 Cincinnati
"Only if one of us is double-clicking the mouse." -Christen, 21, Leola, Pa.

To be honest, I am surprised 43% report experiencing orgasm every time they engage in sex, which for some could be masturbation, but on the other hand, the 19% who have not experienced orgasm exceeds the 10% usually reported. I suspect Jane magazine has a young readership, which may explain a better success rate during partner sex and higher than expected pre-orgasmic rate. Many young women don't learn to masturbate to orgasm until in their late teens or early twenties, often times after being sexually active with a partner for several years. Young men today have access to the Internet, which may provide some enlightenment on how to please a woman, versus prior generations who read Penthouse. The 38% who experience orgasm irregularly, and some of the 19% who have never experienced an orgasm, may have inexperienced sexual partners and/or experience the reality that every woman isn't going to be in the mood or able to experience orgasm every day of her life, which brings the 43% into question, but perhaps this later group only engages in sex when in the mood, or they are always in the mood; being young and all. Overall, the data and comments provide some insight into how varied women's experiences with orgasm really are; one size does not fit all.

Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm

Female sexual arousal and orgasm is a complex process involving the entire woman, mind and body. The human mind receives in sexual stimuli from the body, processes it, and based on past learning and experience causes the body to respond to it. The brain may start the sexual arousal process in response to thought (sexual fantasy), visual stimuli (seeing a partner nude), audible stimulation (hearing a partner's voice), olfactory stimuli (the smell of a partner's body), and taste (the taste of a partner's body). The body may start the arousal process as the result of a woman, or her partner, touching her genitals or breasts, the feel of air flowing across her exposed skin, or her cloths stimulating her breasts or genitals. The mind and body while able to experience sexual arousal separately, cannot experience orgasm separately. Orgasm requires both the mind and body to work together. Mental thought alone may result in orgasm, but you still feel the orgasm in your body. All the sexual stimulation and arousal may originate in one or the other, but orgasm takes place in both.

At birth we respond to sexual stimulation based solely on instinct. If we feel safe and our basic material needs are met, we will most likely respond to sexual stimuli very easily. This is perhaps why the simple acts of nursing and exposing the genitals to air results in sexual arousal in infants. At birth we are very sensitive to sexual stimuli, and our minds have not learned "appropriate" sexual response yet. As a result, at birth, orgasm is probably controlled more by physical stimuli than mental thought processes. Orgasm is a simple physical reflex response at birth.

By the time puberty rolls around we have already been taught "appropriate" sexual response. We perhaps know that any sexual response is bad. We may have been so isolated from our physical sexual self's that we are not even aware of it when we are sexual aroused. This is more true of girls than boys, as boys experience a tell tale erection. We know what "good girls" and "bad girls" are. We know who a suitable mate is, even if we cannot think of them in sexual terms. Teenage girls, and adult women, may not permit themselves to be in situations that result in them feeling sexual, if they categorize those feeling as bad. They may perceive sexual arousal as "being in love." They may tune out any sexual feelings, denying they occur, or they may respond so negatively to sexual stimuli that sex itself is impossible.

Some women do not have many negative feelings toward sex and are openly sexual. They enjoy being aroused and seek out sexual stimuli freely. They do not care who or what causes them to feel aroused, they just enjoy it. Of course society views these "sexual girls" and "sexual women" negatively and labels them "sluts" and "whores." In our confused society, the girl who shuns all sexual feelings is considered more "normal" than a woman who is openly sexual. This is less true than it was twenty years ago, but still very much true.

Orgasm may be more of a mental perception than a physical experience for women, more so than it is for men, as the result of the greater sexual restrictions placed on women. A man's ability to achieve an erection and ejaculate is a symbol of his manhood, a woman's sexual arousal and sexual enjoyment may be seen as "out of control" and "wanton." This is perhaps why women are often times less orgasmic than men as one has to speculate that both are equally orgasmic at birth.

Much More Than A Physical Response

The traditional view of female sexual arousal, presented below, has focused on the physical changes associated with a woman's genitals. It was believed that sexual desire led to physical sexual arousal and orgasm. Studies have found that sexual desire is not one of the major reasons why women say they engage in sex. Women were also believed to be acutely aware of the physical changes that occurred in their genitals during sexual arousal. Additional research has shown a low correlation between when a woman believes she has experienced sexual arousal and when she has actually experienced the physical changes associated with sexual arousal. Women are not necessarily aware of when vaginal lubrication and blood engorgement of their vulva has occurred. A survey that looks at female sexual arousal on this website indicates the majority of women are very aware of what it feels like to be sexually aroused, but it appears their brain may filter this information out at times leaving them unaware. A woman's perception of sexual arousal appears to be very much dependent on context, whether her brain believes it is appropriate and desired. So instead of a simply linear or straightforward concept of female sexual arousal with a beginning and end there is now a much more complex circular concept with a lot of possible factors involved. I have created a flowchart that tries to present this concept in a manner that is easier to understand than what is presented in the medical articles I have on the subject. The flowchart is in the form of a GIF file that is 143K bytes in size. To see it please click here.

The Physical Changes of Sexual Arousal

There are two physical changes the body must under go if a woman is to experience orgasm. The first is "vasocongestion," the pooling of blood in the breasts and genitals. This results in the breasts and genitals becoming larger, the body feeling warm or hot to the touch, the change in color of the breasts and genitals, and vaginal lubrication. The second is "Myotonia" or "neuromuscular tension," the build up of energy in the nerve endings and muscles of the entire body. Myotonia is the "sexual tension" I refer to in my masturbation advice for pre-orgasmic women. Myotonia is not "bad tension" experienced as the result of negative feelings. You may experience strong myotonia as the feeling of fullness or tightness in your body prior to orgasm, the point of no return. Some women when confronted with strong myotonia cannot allow themselves to go over the edge, let go, and hence they do not experience orgasm.

It should be noted, that any disease, drug (prescription and non-prescription), or illness that affects the blood flow, muscles, or nerves can restrict or prevent myotonia and vasocongestion. If you cannot experience myotonia and vasocongestion, you may not be able to experience sexual arousal and orgasm. If you have a disease or illness that directly affects the circulatory, nervous, or muscular systems, you may experience orgasmic impairment. If you have been diagnosed with one of these, please see the health and disability pages for more information. If you feel you are not able to experience sexual arousal, or only in a limited way, seek a doctor's advice.

Click on image to see it full size.

"Three representational variations of female sexual response. Pattern 1 shows multiple orgasm; pattern 2 shows arousal that reaches the plateau level without going on to orgasm (note the resolution occurs more slowly); and pattern 3 shows several brief drops in the excitement phase followed by an even more rapid resolution phase."

From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 58
Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.

Sexologists have broken the sexual response cycle into four phases, excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. These are arbitrary definitions and a person is not likely to be aware of their body experiencing each individual phase. The amount of time a person spends in each phase, and even the order in which they experience them may vary. A woman on a date may become sexually aroused several times, even without her knowing it, without her ever reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and the plateau phase during an intense session of dancing, but return to her un-aroused state during the ride home. Once home she may quickly experience arousal and orgasm as the result of direct genital stimulation without experiencing the plateau phase. The manner in which a person experiences each phase is unique to them, and even this will change depending on their mood and who they are with.
Arousal may be accompanied by these physical
responses to mental and/or physical stimuli:

Vaginal lubrication begins first, within 10-30 seconds.

The inner two thirds of the vagina expands.

The uterus and cervix are pulled upwards.

The labia majora flatten and spread apart.

The labia minora increase in size.

The clitoris increases in size.

The nipples may become erect as the result of muscle contractions.

When highly aroused the breasts may increase in size.

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From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 62
Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.

As mentioned above, the vagina lubricates as the result of vasocongestion of the vaginal walls. Moisture "seeps" from the vaginal walls as the result of increased blood pooling there. The process is called "transudation". Small droplets of moisture form within the vagina, as the result of this seepage. These droplets may collect together and flow out of the vagina, resulting in the vulva becoming moist. The amount, thickness, and smell of a woman's vaginal lubricant varies between women, and with the same woman depending on many factors, including her current menstrual state, and what she has eaten. The presence of vaginal lubrication does not signify that a woman is fully ready for intercourse, nor does the absence of it indicate she is not sexually aroused. Some women produce very little moisture and require the use of water-based lubricants, such as K-Y Jelly. (The use of petroleum-based lubricants can result in vaginal infections.) While it may be perfectly normal or temporary, if you experience a problem with vaginal dryness during intercourse, bring it to the attention of your doctor. Other women produce so much moisture they get everything soaking wet, which can be embarrassing when it occurs in a public place. This too is normal, and is just the result of variations in women's bodies.

Click on image to see it full size.

From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 66
Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.

During the Plateau phase a woman may experience:

A marked increase in sexual tension.

Increased vasocongestion in the vagina causes the outer third of the vagina to swell, resulting in the vaginal opening decreasing in size, perhaps 30%.

The inner two thirds of the vagina balloons out. A woman may experience a strong desire to be filled, a vaginal ache.

The amount of vaginal lubrication may decrease during this stage, especially if prolonged.

The clitoris becomes increasingly erect, the glans moves toward the pubic bone, becoming more concealed by the hood.

The labia minora increase considerably in thickness, perhaps 2-3 times.

The increased size of the inner labia may spread apart the outer labia resulting in the vaginal opening becoming more prominent.

The color of the labia minora change considerably. Going from pink to red for women who have not given birth, from bright red to deep wine in women who have. The actual colors may vary, but not the marked change in color.

The areola, the pigmented area around the nipples, begin to swell.

The breasts may increase in size 20-25% for women who have not breast-fed a child, for women who have, there is less or no increase in size.

50-70% of women experience a "sex flush" on their chests and other body areas resulting from increased blood flow near the surface of the skin.

The heart rate increases, perhaps beating noticeably.

There is a marked increase in the amount of sexual tension in the thighs and buttocks.

A woman's body is now fully ready for vaginal intercourse.

Masters and Johnson report they never observed a woman experience orgasm who did not first experience the dramatic change in labial coloration. If a woman did experience this color change, she was more than likely to experience orgasm.

If you look at all the physical changes in the internal and external sexual organs, you can see that women are not fully prepared for intercourse until late in the plateau phase. A woman's body signals her readiness by opening up her vulva, exposing her vaginal opening. Vaginal wetness alone does not indicate readiness. This perhaps indicates that women need prolonged mating rituals prior to vaginal intercourse(*).

Click on image to see it full size.

From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 67
Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.

During the Orgasmic phase a woman may experience:

Rhythmic muscle contractions occur in the outer third of the vagina, the uterus, and anus. The first muscle contractions are the most intense, and occur at a rate of a little more than 1 per second (0.8 seconds). As the orgasm continues, the contractions become less intense and occur at a more random rate. A mild orgasm may have 3-5 contractions, an intense one 10-15.

The "sex flush" becomes even more pronounced and may cover a greater percentage of the body.

Muscles throughout the body may contract during orgasm, not just those in the pelvic area.

Orgasm also takes place in the brain, as indicated by monitoring brain waves.

Some women will emit or spray some fluid from their urethra during orgasm. This is often called female ejaculation. While the jury is still out on whether it is urine or female ejaculate that is expelled, the source of the fluid is not of great importance, women often report very strong orgasms when it occurs. That should be all that really matters, women's pleasure. No one questions male ejaculation, even if it too is messy.

Myotonia may be evident throughout the body, especially in the face, hands, and feet. A woman's facial expression may indicate that she is in pain when she is having a pleasurable orgasm.

At the peak of orgasm the entire body may become momentarily rigid.

Women who have never experienced orgasm, and women who are not sure if they have, often ask, "What does an orgasm feel like?" This is a hard, if not impossible, question to answer. Imagine trying to explain to someone what it feels like to sneeze or yawn. Not easy to do. How our senses and brain interpret physical stimuli is subjective, that is dependent solely on the individual's perceptions. While we can measure the physical stimuli, we cannot measure how a person perceives it. Even if a woman is connected to monitoring equipment when she experiences 15 strong orgasmic contractions over a 10 second period of time, how do we know she experienced it more intensely than another woman who only has a 5 contraction orgasm lasting 4 seconds? The woman having the ten-second orgasm may be wondering why her orgasms are so weak! If a woman has experienced some form of nerve damage, she may not be able to tell if she has had an orgasm.

Here is Masters and Johnson's description of female orgasm: "Women often describe the sensations of an orgasm as beginning with a momentary sense of suspension, quickly followed by an intensely pleasurable feeling that usually begins at the clitoris and rapidly spreads throughout the pelvis. The physical sensations of the genitals are often described as warm, electric, or tingly, and these usually spread through the body. Finally, most women feel muscle contractions in their vagina or lower pelvis, often described as "pelvic throbbing.""

While all orgasms are organically the same, varying only in strength and length, a woman may not experience them all the same. How a woman experiences an orgasm during masturbation is usually totally different than how she experiences it during partner sex. In fact, women often report their most "satisfying" orgasms occur during masturbation, perhaps because they are the center of attention, and not worrying about or distracted by a partner. A woman may experience an orgasm totally differently if her vagina is empty than when a penis or hand is inserted. She may be more aware of her vaginal contractions when her vagina has something to clamp down on, or when it is empty and contracts on itself. Women experience total body orgasms, clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, and uterine orgasms. While electronic gadgets may say they are all the same, women will beg to differ.

Masters and Johnson, and others, feel all healthy women are capable of experiencing orgasm while being stimulated by vaginal intercourse alone since the thrusting penis will push and pull on the inner labia, resulting in there being indirect stimulation of the clitoris. Other sexologists do not agree with them. While it may be technically possible, it seems practically improbable.

If women's masturbation habits are any indication, vaginal stimulation is less likely to result in orgasm than are activities that directly stimulate their clitoris. Ninety percent of women who masturbate do so by stimulating their clitoris. Only ten percent of women stimulate their vagina while masturbating, and even they usually stimulate their clitoris at the same time. When a woman masturbates, she is almost guaranteed an orgasm. Even if a woman's clitoris was not her primary sensory sex organ, habit alone may dictate that she is most orgasmic from clitoral stimulation, not vaginal stimulation. Is it reasonable to believe women masturbate in any way other than what works best?

As I mentioned above, a woman's body is not fully prepared for intercourse until she is highly aroused, and at the plateau stage. If a woman is highly aroused then it seems possible that indirect simulation of her clitoris, combined with vaginal stimulation, could result in orgasm. If there is a strong emotional bond between a woman and her partner during intercourse, that psychological stimulation alone may result in an orgasm, if she is highly aroused. The same may not be said of a woman who tries to go from a low degree of sexual arousal all the way to orgasm by means of indirect clitoral and vaginal stimulation. If a woman's vagina is numb to penile thrusting she may find indirect stimulation of her clitoris alone is not enough to push her over the edge even if she is highly aroused. It is reasonable to expect women to need direct clitoral stimulation to prepare them for intercourse even if they do not need it during vaginal intercourse to achieve orgasm.

During the Resolution phase a woman may experience:

If sexual stimulation continues, a woman may experience one or more additional orgasms.

The vaginas, and vaginal opening, return to their normal relaxed state.

The breasts, labia, clitoris, and uterus return to their normal size, position, and color.

The clitoris and nipples may be so sensitive that any stimulation may be uncomfortable.

The "sex flush" disappears.

There may be heavy sweating, and breathing.

The heart may beat rapidly.

If orgasm does not occur, a woman will still experience most of what is listed above, but at a much slower rate. The blood trapped in the pelvic organs, not having been dissipated by orgasmic muscle contractions, may result in a feeling of heaviness, and pelvic discomfort.

If a woman experiences one orgasm, she can usually have many more in one session, as long as adequate stimulation continues. Some women will have one orgasm right after another, for as long as the stimulation is continued. Practice seems to make this more probable. The clitoris may be extremely sensitive after the first orgasm, requiring a very light or indirect touch. A woman may need only to slip a little ways away from the point of orgasm before she can have another. In this case, deep breathing may help a woman recover more quickly, enabling her to move onto her next orgasm. Most multiple orgasms occur during masturbation as there is nothing or no one to distract a woman from her pleasure, and a vibrator is more likely to be utilized. An electric vibrator does not get tired, unlike a woman's own hand, or that of her partner. A male partner who has himself experienced an orgasm may find himself incapable of continuing his stimulation of his partner. If a partner wants to bring their female partner to multiple orgasms, they will probably have to forego their own pleasure, at least temporally.

Is orgasm necessary for female sexual happiness? While it is true that there are millions of women who have lived happy and fulfilling lives having never experienced an orgasm, their lives probably would have been more enjoyable if they had. Orgasm is a normal bodily function. If a woman does not experience orgasm, she may find herself feeling very uncomfortable after sex, because of the excess blood trapped in her pelvic organs. Some report, women develop back pains and other health problems as a result of this unreleased sexual tension. Doctors in the past used vibrators to bring female patients to orgasm as a means of treating female health problems. While orgasm is not necessary for female happiness, it does make life more enjoyable.

For women who are pre-orgasmic, and for those who experience orgasm only with great difficulty, achieving a balance between their desire for orgasm and their sexual happiness can be a challenge. Lets face it, there is a lot of social pressure on women to have orgasms these days. The mass media is full of references to the joys of orgasm. Women want to experience orgasm not only for their own benefit, but to make their partner happy and to be like their peers. To a certain extent, orgasm has become a chore, versus a simple pleasure, for some women. When women try too hard to achieve orgasm, sex becomes unpleasant and frustrating, for them and their partner. You cannot force yourself, or a partner, to experience orgasm. If you become too preoccupied with the mechanics of orgasm, you can loose out on the intimacy of sex.

It is usually easier for a woman to learn to orgasm while masturbating than it is for her to have her very first orgasm as the result of partner sex. It is for this reason that pre-orgasmic women may want to have partner sex simply for the pleasure and intimacy of it without trying to have an orgasm, at least part of the time. Saving their attempts at orgasm for masturbation sessions, when they are alone and able to think only of themselves. Women usually are not capable or willing to be selfish enough to make themselves the center of attention during partner sex. They try to fulfill the needs of their partner at the same time they are trying to fulfill their own, but their own needs usually end up falling by the wayside.

Faking orgasm is definitely a bad idea. What starts out as a means of saving face in front of a new partner, and as a means of giving a partner a morale boost, usually ends up being a permanent way of life. Women tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, so their inability to orgasm is their own fault, so they pay the price. Women are afraid to tell their partner they have been faking orgasm because it will upset them, so they do not. When you have faked orgasm, and decide to tell your partner, you have to admit not only to not having had orgasms, but you must admit to lying to your partner, to hiding something from them, and to fooling them. Women who fake orgasm face becoming so frustrated by their inability to orgasm, and their partners lack of skill, that they soon find themselves avoiding sex altogether. When a woman experiences an orgasm, real or faked, she is indicating to her partner that they have done a good job, that they do not need to do anything differently next time. A woman who fakes orgasm is telling her partner that they do not need to change their sexual technique, which is totally opposite of what she should be telling them.

Glamour Magazine, October 2000

Based on 1,500 women's responses to an online poll at Glamour.com

In response to the question, "How often do you fake orgasm?" the women responded:

I never fake it 45%
1%-25% of the time 34%
26%-50% of the time 10%
51%-75% of the time 7%
76%-100% of the time 4%

When the majority, fifty-five percent, of women admits to doing something they are not supposed to be doing, that is fake orgasm, it indicates a serious problem. In this case, the problem is that society is leading women to believe they should always have an orgasm during partner sex, and that there are negative consequences when they do not. An orgasm is no longer just an orgasm. Orgasm has become the benchmark by which we measure the quality of our sexuality and even our social standing within our community. Society leads us to believe "normal" women always have orgasms, and her "caring partner" always stimulates her to orgasm. In the past we ignored female orgasm, today we perhaps place too much emphasis on it. It is important for women to realize this is a social problem, not a personal one. No woman is going to have an orgasm every time she engages in partner sex or masturbation. This is just the way it is. Making orgasm the sole goal of sex can actually make sex less enjoyable and even boring, if not extremely frustrating. If you want to experience intense and prolonged sexual pleasure, try not having an orgasm.

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