Learning to Masturbate
One of the best ways to learn how to masturbate is by reading what other women have to say about their individual masturbation technique(s), and how they went about learning them. Every woman's masturbation technique is unique, so the more methods you read about, the better prepared you will be to discover your own unique way. Another wonderful teaching tool is videos that feature women masturbating to authentic orgasms. Watching another woman masturbate to orgasm conveys much more information than written word can. On the page about sexual arousal and orgasm there is access to a video clip that shows the pelvic muscle contractions of orgasm, this may help you to know if and when you experience your first orgasm. The more information you acquire from this website, and other sources, the better prepared you will be to learn how to masturbate to orgasm. While masturbation is simple in some ways, it is complex in others, so do not fault yourself it does not come easy to you. Simply give yourself time and opportunity to learn.
When you have learned to relax your entire body, and know when you are relaxed, stand, lay on a bed, or sit in a comfortable chair and slowly start to explore your nude or semi nude body. If possible, do so in front of a large mirror. Run your fingers and hands across your body. Massage body lotion or oil into your face and body. Explore your breasts, play with your nipples; if you find them sensitive to sexual stimulation, fifty percent of women do not. Caress your legs and thighs. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles while trying different pressures. Pull and tug on your pubic hair, or if shaven toy with the stubble or explore the smoothness of the skin. Don't head directly for your clitoris. If you are not adequately aroused it may be insensitive or overly sensitive to your touch. You need the blood flowing to your vulva prior to clitoral stimulation, hence the need for sexual fantasy and desire, and a slow approach.
Do not try to experience orgasm. Do things that feel pleasurable to you. If something does not feel good, try something else. Try to wake up those dormant nerve endings. If you feel yourself get tense, stop what you are doing, breath deeply and relax. Do this exercise as often as possible, but only for 15-20 minutes at a time. Do not tire or stress yourself out. The intent of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed. You want to feel a little aroused, but at peace, not compelled to go further. If you do not find areas of your body sensitive to stimulation, then it is likely you are not experiencing sexual desire and arousal. A good time to do this is when you climb into bed at night, but if you can arrange time earlier in the day, say upon waking, that may prove more beneficial.
After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia. Perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. Feel the warmth and firmness of it, when you are sexually aroused. The clitoris of some women does not become erect or is hidden by surrounding tissues so they must guide themselves by what feels the best. Some women may need to locate their clitoris with a mirror, as they may not be able to detect it with their fingers; this is not an unusual occurrence. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even jiggle them wildly over your clitoris. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina, or a dildo if you have one.
Remember to breath deeply. Do a mental check, are you relaxed? If you are not relaxed, stop masturbating and start doing your relaxation exercises. Again, only do this for 15-20 minutes at a time, 30 minutes maximum at this stage. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise. If you are thinking about having an orgasm, you need to slow down, relax, and redirect your thoughts. You do not want your brain to know you are about to have an orgasm.
Try relaxing and masturbating a couple times each session. Relax for 5 minutes, masturbate for 10 minutes, relax for another 5 minutes, and masturbate for another 10 minutes. When you find you can masturbate for 10 minutes without tensing up, do it for 15 minutes, then 20, then 30. If you find your fingers or body are getting tired or sore, stop and rest. You may also be pressing too hard, so trying using less pressure, and perhaps more mental stimulation.
You probably will not experience orgasm the very first or first few times you try these exercises so do not try to. Simply enjoy the pleasures of touching yourself, as if you were a young girl exploring her body prior to knowing about orgasms. If you get to a point where you suddenly find your body is super tense you are trying too hard. Try to enjoy your body and the pleasure it gives you, not orgasm. You want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot, you are probably trying too hard. You cannot force your body to have an orgasm. If you reach this point, stop and relax. If you are frustrated, crying will actually help relax you and release the tension.
Become an Explorer
Not having an erect penis to contend with allows women to masturbate fully clothed and in public. If you are having trouble masturbating to orgasm by touching your genitals directly, leave your cloths on and start walking about your home and press and rub your genitals against everything you see. Try rubbing against furniture, appliances, beds, pillows, and your favorite stuffed animal (big ones work great). You name it, try it. Cool metal against bare skin may provide a pleasant shock. Try to picture yourself as a young girl who is realizing it feels good to press her vulva against things. When you find something that feels good, do it for a short while, stop for a few minutes, and start again or try something different.
As a young girl, it is unlikely you would press your vulva against something for the first time, realize it felt good, and continued until orgasm in one session. You would keep going back and do it over and over again, until one day it felt really really good. Always stay relaxed, you want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. Remember, a young girl has no concept of orgasm even if she experiences them.
You may want to try this wearing only panties, a nightgown, or even nude. Try wearing panties of different material, to get the right amount of friction. Placing a really thick maxi-pad or a small folded washcloth in your panties may recreate the feeling and padding a diaper provided as a young girl. Also try applying lubrication to your vulva, make it slippery, so your labia and clitoris slip and slide. You might try straddling a pillow while lying in bed, rocking your hips slowly, and sucking on the your thumb, role playing the part of a young girl in bed.
Vibrators
If you enjoy touching yourself with your fingers and can orgasm that way wonderful, but even then there may be times when you may want to experience the quick release a vibrator can provide. If you are trying to learn how to experience orgasm but your fingers get tired before you do, then try a high quality electric vibrator, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand. Not one of those cheap plastic phallus shaped vibrators, not that they are not useful at times, because they probably wont serve you as well as a $50 investment. While not always true with sex toys, in general you get what you pay for. Inserting a phallus shaped vibrator or dildo may not do anything for you, but on the other hand, inserting one into your vagina and/or anus may be the key to orgasm for you. Also consider trying a dildo as some women are sensitive to only vaginal/G-Spot stimulation, or need a combination of different types of stimulation. Other women require anal stimulation so consider experimenting with anal toys, and if your nipples are sensitive you may want to try nipple clamps, yes kinky but effective.
If you are worried about going numb or becoming addicted to your vibrator, then use it on a low setting, and keep your pants on or place a folded towel over your vulva to soften the vibrations. You may not orgasm as quickly, but you will not condition yourself to intense sensations either. There is certainly nothing wrong with turning a vibrator on high and having a quick orgasm if you so desire. Keep in mind that many women are able to experience orgasm only while using a vibrator, they are not addicted, they simply know what works best. If something works, you use it. Vibrators were originally designed with the intent of stimulating women to orgasm, as manual stimulation was time consuming, or did not provide stimulation that was sustainable or intense enough to bring many women to orgasm. Vibrators were created as a labor saving device.
An Orgasm is an Orgasm is an Orgasm!!!
No matter what you find you need to do to experience orgasm, that orgasm is equal to one given to you by stimulation caused by your partner's penis, which in general is very unlikely. If you judge the cause or nature of your orgasms you are doing yourself needless harm. If you need your stuffed animal or vibrator to reach orgasm, then bring them to bed along with your partner. You are not abnormal, but rather like millions of women just like you. Never fake orgasm, this only tends to backfire. By faking orgasm you are telling your partner they are doing everything correctly, which is probably opposite what you should be telling them. While you may give them an ego boost, your own self esteem is perhaps lowered. This makes experiencing orgasm more difficult to experience.
No Orgasm: No Intercourse!
If you are pre-orgasmic, do not engage vaginal intercourse with your partner, at least not on a regular basis. The reason being, the majority of women do not experience orgasm as a result of vaginal stimulation alone. It is an activity where your partner is more likely to experience orgasm than you, and may cause you to feel left out and resentful. If participating in intercourse makes you feel good, womanly, and close to your partner, then engage in it occasionally but not always. If you engage in intercourse, ensure your clitoris is directly stimulated by you, your partner, or a vibrator, if you desire orgasm. Absolutely never fake an orgasm during intercourse.
During partner sex you want to ensure stimulation of your clitoris and/or other erogenous areas is the main event. Hug and kiss, give each other a full body massage, masturbate, engage in mutual masturbation, explore oral sex, and give anal stimulation a try. Consider engaging in non-penile forms of vaginal stimulation, perhaps use fingers or a dildo for G-Spot stimulation. Ensure your clitoris or erogenous areas receive as much, if not more, attention than his penis or her clitoris. Make sure your partner explores and stimulates your entire body, not only your clitoris. They will need to arouse you prior to stimulating your clitoris. Make sure you engage in periods of physical intimacy where orgasm is not the intent for either of you, do not confuse intimacy and sex.
If your partner, male or female, is able to experience orgasm when you are unable to, it is not unusual to feel left out and jealous, it is only normal. You may even become angry if they have an orgasm and you do not. Why do they get to if you cannot? You may feel they should go without too. If you do not experience orgasm, is it fair for them to go without, and would you want them too? On the other hand, who said life is always fair? While trading orgasms is not wise or realistic, your partner should probably go without at times too. They should focus their efforts on you, not themselves. While you do not need to have a fixed schedule, you certainly can take turns when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure. You both do not need to experience orgasm during every sexual experience to be happy or enjoy sex. Giving pleasure can be as enjoyable, if not more enjoyable, than receiving it. One day you can give them pleasure, the next day or time they give you pleasure. Take turns giving and being selfish.
If you face major challenges to experiencing orgasm, partner sex may not be an option. If you are uncomfortable with physical intimacy, looking at or touching your body, or with masturbation, it is more difficult to enjoy sex with a partner. You simply may not be ready for partner sex at this point in your sexual development. If you have not explored and discovered your own sexuality, trying to with a partner could provide confusion rather than a solution. You are not responsible for your partner's sexual pleasure so it is certainly appropriate to tell them they must rely on masturbation to achieve their sexual pleasure. If they are truly concerned about your well being they will be understanding and supportive. If they feel they have a "right" to have sex with you, they simply do not deserve to have sex with you.
Clinical Holistic Medicine: Teaching Orgasm for Females with Chronic Anorgasmia using the Betty Dodson Method
The objective of this study was to test the Betty Dodson method of breaking the female orgasm barrier in chronic anorgasmic women. The aim was sexual and existential healing (salutogenesis) through direct confrontation and integration of both the repressed shame, guilt, and other negative feelings associated with body, genitals, and sexuality, and the repressed sexual pleasure and desire. We conducted a retrospective analysis of clinic data from holistic sexological manual therapeutic intervention, an intensive subtype of clinical holistic medicine (CHM). The patients received 3x5 h of group therapy, integrating short-term psychodynamic psychotherapy (STPP) and complementary medicine (CAM bodywork, manual sexology similar to the "sexological examination"). The therapy used the advanced tools of reparenting, genital acceptance, acceptance through touch, and direct sexual clitoral stimulation. A clitoral vibrator was used. Participants were 500 female patients between 18 and 88 years of age (mean of 35 years) with chronic anorgasmia (for 12 years on average) who were participating in the "orgasm course for anorgasmic women"; 25% of the patients had never experienced an orgasm. Our results show that 465 patients (93%) had an orgasm during therapy, witnessed by the therapist, and 35 patients (7%) did not. Postmenopausal women were as able to achieve orgasm as fertile women, as were women who never had an orgasm. No patients had detectable negative side effects or adverse effects. NNT: 1.04 < NNT < 1.12, NNH > 500. Therapeutic value: TV = NNH/NNT > 446. Our conclusions are that holistic sexological manual therapy may be rational, safe, ethical, and efficient.
You can read the entire article by clicking here. (PDF File)
Betty Dodson's techniques are demonstrated in her DVDs, which are available on her website.
