The-Clitoris.com - The Female Sexual Experience: Shared Sexual Histories and Experiences Volume 4, Part 2

Annie - Age 18

My first real sexual experience happened while I was away at boarding school aged 16- a good Irish Catholic mixed boarding school. I remember distinctly sitting next to my best friend since we were kids, John, during a sex ed talk (he was the most popular guy in my year, the rugby star, the 'hotti',).. I hadn't really thought about sex before then, but this new teacher got so into it, she was talking about positions, lubricant, masturbation, I remember being very aware of John's body next to me, and sneaking a peek at his crotch, as his black uniform trousers were getting tighter and tighter. God I just couldn't take it, the sensation between my legs was mind boggling...I gathered my books and legged it out of there- the teacher must of thought I was upset and left me alone- I had different ideas.

I lay on my bed when I reached my dorm. I was breathing heavily and had this sensation down there that was increasing a mile per minute, I hiked up knee length kilt and slowly inched my fingers under my white cotton panties. I started to feel the coarse curls, then opened up my lips and felt myself, exploring, taking it all in. I found my clit quickly and started to rub it gently and first then harder. I could fell myself getting wet and the thought that I was exposed in a communal dorm and the fact I was ditching class made it all so much more exciting.

I was almost reaching climax wen I heard a noise, I pulled my hands away, legs still open when I looked up and saw John casually leaning on the wall by the open door hands in his pockets openly staring at me a grin on his handsome face. Without saying a word he got on the bed, kneeling, he pushed my skirt up even higher, and then with one hand he pulled down my knickers and with the other hand gently opened my legs even wider. He began to kiss me down there, and then lick and then, oh god, gave me the best lick out I will ever receive. I was screaming and convulsing with pleasure when I orgasmed!! Then I heard a gasp, looking up I saw two of my roommates open mouthed staring at us. John grinned wickedly at me then he gently pulled up my underwear, and my kilt down. He leant over me, kissed me, then said 'c u in geography girlfriend'. I lost my virginity soon after to John (but that's another story!!) And I'm delighted to say two years after I'm still the girlfriend of my rugby star and still having the most erotic moments ever!!

Emily - Age 86

I am a lover of oral sex. The first time it happen I went on vacation with a friend older than I, we had been swimming and went to our room to shower and change (You have to remember I am a lady of 86) she ask me had I ever showered with anyone, I told her I did with my sister, so she said why don't we shower together, my friend was a red head and her pubic hair was also very red in those days; what did we know of shaving. She made a comment about mine as it was very black and full, she ask me if she could run her hands through it for some reason I said go ahead. While she ran her hand through My Lady got excited she noticed it and said nothing and went down on it, I said no, no we shouldn't do this if anyone found out we would really be in trouble, but it felt so good. We were both wet with the shower, she said let me do it to you on the bed. There was no way that I could stop this so we went on the bed, she on her knees, my legs wrapped around her. She was licking all of my ladie, my cuming over and over. All she kept saying how good it tasted. I wanted to find out what she tasted like so I got up enough nerve to try her, Oh was it good, I never tasted anything like that. That was my first experience and I had many after that. I got married years later. I tried my husband and he did me many times. I never enjoyed a mans cum. I did enjoy watching him do himself. He passed away years ago so I found a young girl she is 30 yrs old and just loves women, so she likes to have a woman do her so I don't get enough but its better than nothing.

Emily

Anonymous - Age 17

I'm 17 years old, and my boyfriend and I were virgins until this year. Earlier in our relationship, we'd be in his bed and have oral and "dry sex," which is with clothes on so that he wouldn't penetrate me, since I was trying to preserve my virginity. Later on, he managed to convince me to get naked and basically rub our privates together without the penetration. Then he begged me to let him slip it in. I was scared because he has a huge penis. I was crying from the pain, but he was very considerate and was trying to be gentle, but at the same time he kept thrusting hard because he felt like asserting his dominance. He was kissing me and being affectionate so I felt safe and that I could trust him. When we were through and turned on the lights, we found that I had bled on his sheets and our bodies. It didn't seem to bother him.

Megan

I wanted to write to thank you for making this site. I've seen a lot of women writing in with their fantasies and experiences and it honestly makes me feel so good to see all of this.

I've been reading through the site for the past few weeks and I have to say it's really helped me. I am a survivor, I guess that's the best way to put it, of incest and your articles on abuse have helped me so much. For so long there was no answer as to how I should feel, I was made to feel like a victim- when all I felt was guilt and disgust. This happened when I was 8-10 years old with a brother who was 3 years older than me. I now am beginning to understand that it is normal for people to experiment and that the feelings of enjoyment that I had are not weird. I've found it hard to completely open myself up to my partners. For a long time I've struggled with having an impossible time orgasming during sex, it's usually always from oral sex because I can lay back and concentrate on fantasizing. During sex, my mind drifts and disconnects and I feel like I'm playing a role of an entertainer or just there to please my partner. Is this normal for people with a history of abuse? It's very confusing for me, because I didn't feel any pain, it did not hurt and it wasn't forced, but I was made to feel that this should really affect me, and I think at this point after over 10 years (I'm 24 now) it is still an issue for me. I do thank you though, because through reading your site I'm trying to make a conscious effort to improve the way I communicate with my boyfriend during sex. I really want to open up and trust him and completely let go, in hopes that we become closer to finding ways to make me orgasm and stay more in the moment during sex. He knows about my past and is completely supportive of me trying to work past my issues and let go of the past. I find it so helpful to know that so many women have fantasies that are strange and techniques for getting to orgasm that you just don't read in articles or magazines. I usually find myself thinking back to my youth when sexual exploration was fun and I didn't know it was wrong, before the adults in my life told me that what had happened was wrong and bad and it shouldn't have happened. I agree, because it was a lot to deal with, full penetration at age 8 or 9, but from then on sexual experimentation was something I did because it was bad and I used it to rebel. I never had the naive first time, and so taking time to please myself was never factored in.

I'm going to continue reading this website because it's really helping me understand my sexuality and rediscover how I can make it mine again without feeling ashamed or guilty of my past.

Thank you.
Megan

You can read my reply to Megan by clicking here.

Anonymous - Age 14

My sexual interest came up first when I was 5 years old. We were in kindergarten and a boy and I pulled down our pants for a brief moment to show each other what our "private parts" looked like. After that, I've always been curious about that sort of stuff. I started to masturbate when I was 10 (I'm 14 now) but only humping a pillow. Just recently I have discovered more about sex and am still masturbating. I'm fingering myself everyday, and still feel no sexual pleasure from anything I try. Also, it's extremely difficult to get myself wet. I've tried fingering, humping, rubbing, pouring water on myself in the tub and so on, yet I still feeling nothing much at all. I've never been able to cum or get my nipples to harden. My breasts never feel anything from rubbing, caressing, or playing with my nipples and I don't know what I can do to help myself feel anything. Even right now, as I write this, I am masturbating without any luck.

Janet

First I want to thank you for the lovely site. It has answered a lot of my questions and reading the personal experiences has been interesting at the same time as getting me very horny. I wonder if that happens to a lot of your readers.

I was very interested in what Tarryn wrote in the masturbation section about how she likes to sit on a guy and control him by sliding on him. I have always wanted to try that because I am also a virgin and have only really kissed and cuddled with a guy.

I wanted to tell you what happened while I was on holiday with my parents last week because it was really nice and it really worked for me.

I met a really nice guy and while we were sitting sunbathing by the pool he lit up a cigarette. I asked him if we could go somewhere to smoke because my parents don't know I smoke. He said we should go to his chalet because he also had a mini bar fridge there and we could have a drink too.

After we had had a smoke and a drink we got up to go and he came over and kissed me. He is 18 by the way. We hugged and kissed for a while then he moved back and sat on his bed. I decided it was time to try Tarryn's method and so got up and I kneeled over him. He was wearing a Speedo and a tee shirt and I was in a bikini and sarong. As I leaned forward to kiss him some more I pressed myself down on him and could feel his penis hardening against my crotch. I moved slowly back and forth and loved the feel of him warming and hardening more. My bikini bottoms were the kind that tied at the sides so I was able to to untie them and slip them off. When I pressed down again and moved on him again the feeling of his Speedo rubbing on my lips was fantastic. It was sort of rough and smooth at the same time! I could feel I was really wet now.

We were still kissing and our hearts were beating so fast! I moved my hips back a bit more and felt that now his penis was straight and very hard. I moved back more and my pussy moved off his Speedo and on to his cock. That really felt nice as it was really hot and smooth. I moved around a bit and was able to get his head to press on my clit. He was breathing so hard by now and I felt him lift his hips and slide his costume down. I was really swollen and could now slide myself all the way up and down his penis. I sat up and kept moving my hips and I was able to watch the head of his penis peeping out from between my lips as I moved. He had his eyes shut and had his hands on my sides. It felt weird because I couldn't stop myself moving on him and I wanted more every time I could see his cock! The head was so wet and shiny from me! I put one hand down and started to rub the side of my clit with my finger. God it was amazing, the feeling of his hot cock between my lips and the feeling of my finger on my clit and the sight of his cock popping out as I moved! I know he wanted to be inside me because he was thrusting too but I didn't let him.

I suddenly felt him tense up and thrust hard and looked down to watch him come. The sight and the sound of him and the feel of everything was too much for me and I came too! God it was the best come I have ever had! My thighs tightened and I felt my whole pussy pulsing and tightening and squeezing. I can now see what Tarryn was talking about when she said how powerful you feel doing that and making a guy come!

I know that I want to lose my virginity next time and will write about that too. I want to be on top for sure!

Thanks again for the site!

A Tragic Love Story

I'm from India so I got married in the traditional way {arranged}. I met my husband just two weeks before our wedding and I developed an instant crush on him. My husband was always very secretive so I thought that it was his nature. But two years after our wedding he eloped with another women. I was so much in love with him I never suspected him. He was also very kind to me. We used to have sex but he never really penetrated me. Whenever I used to say "I Love You," He would hesitate before replying. When he left I was devastated. I spent ten months in a rehabilitation. Eight years have passed after he left but I still remember him before falling asleep. Then a few weeks ago I met him in a mall. He approached me and asked how many kids I've got, and that the women died in a car crash two months after leaving. And then I lost control and kissed him. I didn't marry anyone else so I invited him to my home. There too I lost myself and we had sex. He said he was too ashamed to return to me. But two days after this incident he too died, just when I thought I had him.

Anonymous - Age 15

I have a heartbeat fetish. I'm not sure why, but there's just something I absolutely love about the feel and sound of the human heartbeat. So I like to masturbate (humping a pillow is my favorite method) to the sound or feel of a heartbeat. Ideally, I'd love to be able to masturbate whilst lying on a hot guy's chest and hearing and feeling his heartbeat, but as of yet I have not been able to!! So I find myself using my own heartbeat to arouse myself. My favorite ways of doing this are feeling my pulse point and flicking/circling/stimulating my clit in time to my heartbeat, which is amazing because naturally it just gets faster and faster. Another great method is best used whilst lying face down, humping a pillow: I cup my hands around my chest and breasts, feeling for my heartbeat. As I hump the pillow I tighten the grip, feeling as if my palpitating excited heart is beating in my bare hands. This really turns me on, and sometimes I imagine a heartbeat in my head as if it's someone else's. I find it quite hard as well to hide my excitement whenever I hear a guy's heartbeat as he hugs me and my head lies against his chest! I always orgasm AMAZINGLY when there's a heartbeat sound or feeling involved with my masturbating. A stethoscope would be the ultimate wank tool for me ;) Wow, my heart is racing now as I write this!!! Maybe I should go give myself some "me time".....

Dee - Age 23

Hi! I am a 23 year old lady from Nigeria. One day while browsing I found your site, and since then I've been hooked - every single time I'm online I open this page and read, and read, and read!

This site is SOOO important to women and young girls because I remember always thinking "I wish I had this growing up." So many things would have changed. My mother never even told me about my period, talkless of having a clitoris. Somehow, talking about sex and sexuality is unconsciously looked upon as taboo here, yet everyone either engages in it or has questions bothering them about it...but they can't ask them. A very restrictive society that makes you feel that exploring your body is wrong and looking at your own genitals is unacceptable behavior. Yet sex is probably the most popular extra-curricular activity among adolescents, young men and women! It's sick...and it's sad because the amount of guilt that first assails you when you first masturbate is overwhelming. No-one must ever know; if they know you must not talk about it!! You wonder, "What's happening to me?", "Am I a bad person?", "Is this wrong?", "Does anyone else feel like me?".

Everything a young person learns about sex and sexuality comes from books and close friends. Sometimes, these friends misinformed others and some books, because they are usually religiously inclined or set in traditional values, they say masturbation is wrong and "unclean". This usually forces young girls to go into partnered sex a little too early because they have no over way of getting off. Funny enough, sex is more acceptable than masturbation! Even with HIV/AIDS most rampant among people aged 15 to 24, and STDs circulating faster among these set, masturbation is still frowned upon. They preach abstinence but not masturbation. And even when one has an STD you don't tell anyone because it's shameful so you pretend it's not there and keep spreading it. Being openly HIV positive has become something of a celebrity status, if you're rich of course, but saying you have an STD can get you exiled from your family, at least emotionally. What a world I live in.

I have my own world now, where I can be who I am without fear or shame. Where my rules rule and no one but myself can make me feel guilty about something. I know better now and I'm harming myself with information that hopefully one day I can pass on to my daughter(s).

I remember also trying to think up young girls I could forward this site's name to but...every time, I could see their parents caution me and label me unfit to hang around their children! So I didn't bother. I'm not ready to start activism. Not yet at least.

Thank you so much. Many things I've inwardly worried about and questions I didn't realize I had have been put to rest here. You have helped me to love myself more and I hope more young girls and woman will find this site. It is very, very important.

Yours sincerely,
Dee.

Anonymous

The first boy I consciously remember wanting to have sex with was a classmate of mine, one J. Thomas. He had long hair and a sweet smile, he got excellent grades, and he was musical. I wanted him so bad it hurt. The only time I had any interaction that even vaguely indicated how much I wanted him was when I asked him to dance with me at a school dance. He politely refused, and broke my heart. I'm a year or so older now, still underage, and still want to jump him, but we're at different schools and he'll most likely just be a dream for the rest of my life. Desire has now spread, and I am very attracted to one of my friends (my age, female) and one of my cousin's friends (several years older, male). I've never had the nerve to say anything about it to either of them, but I desperately want a relationship. I don't know what I'm doing.

Anonymous - Age 30

Just found this site through a friend of mine and so far I am loving it. I just read your page about female ejaculation and just wanted to share my experience with that.

When I was about 11, 12 or so, I was at my great aunts house with my mom for the weekend. I masturbated by "humping" a Teddy Bear while fingering myself at like 2 or 3 in the morning. When I finally came to that climax I ejaculated. But, at the time, I thought I had urinated on the bear (I had NEVER heard that women could ejaculate like that). I was SO embarrassed. I tried to wipe the bear off, and hide it until it dried. Well, what I didn't know is that we were leaving the next morning. My mom went to pack up my stuff, and found the bear. She asked me about it being wet. I did not have the courage to tell my mother I had used the bear to help me orgasm, and then accidentally peed on it.... we just did not talk about sex in our household. I learned what sex was from friends and whatnot. So, I lied and told her that I was dreaming, thought I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and hadn't actually. My mom started yelling at me, freaking out. Basically, it was a REALLY bad experience for me.

Fast forward to like tenish years later. My husband and I are having sex. It is going amazing! (That man could give me better orgasms than I gave myself, he just understood my body, and me that good) He is giving me oral, while fingering me. As I orgasmed, I ejaculated. I IMMEDIATELY jumped up, apologized profusely to him. I thought that I had again urinated during the intensity of the orgasm. All of these horrible flashbacks of my mother calling me "retarded" for not getting up and going to the bathroom started flashing through my mind. He just looked at me and kind of grinned. Asked me if that had ever happened before, I did tell him the truth, but without the horrible details. THAT was when he told me that I did NOT urinate. I ejaculated. I didn't believe him at first, thought he was just trying to make me feel less embarrassed. We sat there and talked about it for like 30 minutes, and then he even looked it up online for me, just to show me that he was not BSing me. He even convinced me to smell and or taste it if it ever happened again.

I felt so many emotions all at once. I felt foolish for freaking out, and I also felt kind of sad about the fact that my husband knew more about the subject I did, after all I was 22 years old, had a daughter and had been having sex for 6 years, masturbating for god knows how many years. But he was SO great about it.... from that day forward, I was NEVER embarrassed about "squirting" during orgasm. Now, I really like it when it happens. I mean, all orgasms are GREAT, but those ones are just a bit... more. At least for me they were.

BTW, thank you very much for creating a site like this. It's wonderful!

Anonymous

I just wanted to say that I LOVE the fact that you have mentioned fisting on here. It is something that when I first heard about... it was something that only "loose sluts" did. Then, a couple of years later, my husband and I were talking about it, and decided to try it. It HURT at first. Hadn't been stretched like that since giving birth. But once I was able to relax.... omg, it was so wonderful. It ended up being something that we both enjoyed doing. Not something that we could do very often though, was usually pretty sore afterwards.

So, thanx again!

I Was That Child (For the Parents, From the Child) - Age 21

I know there are a lot of concerns about young children being sexual in anyway, and I would like to tell you that I AM that child. Some of my earliest memories are of being in my crib, rolling up my blankets, and using them to masturbate with by humping them. My parents were at first, unconcerned, and didn't seem to mind at all, I didn't know what I was doing, or what that feeling was I got afterwards. I just enjoyed it, it was relaxing, and it felt good. As I got a little older, around 4 and 5, I realized that if I did that when I had to pee, it would make the need to pee go away. So for a long time, I associated it with the need to urinate. As a child, some of you may remember, toilets are scary. They make a loud sound when you flush them, and monsters could be hiding in there. I HATED using the toilet, I hated flushing even more. So I would avoid using the bathroom as much as possible. I would do this all the time, during the day, before bed, on the couch, in front of everyone. Why? Because I didn't know anything about what I was doing. It was perfectly normal for me for a long time.

One day, when I was about 9 years old, I was humping on the couch when my mom walked in and yelled at me. "ERIN! don't DO THAT OUT HERE!" She scared me, I felt like I was doing something wrong. They had never said anything before, so I had no idea why she was mad. I would still do it in the living room, and whenever she caught me she would get really mad at me. So I started doing it in my room only, or when no one was home. I was ashamed, I thought I was doing something bad. My mom called it humping, HUMP was a bad word. I still do not like saying it today, it feels wrong.

When I was about 13, I still didn't know what I was doing was masturbating. I still felt ashamed by it, and told myself I had to stop. I would TRY to stop, but alas, every night it happened again. I LIKED it. I didn't WANT to stop. I thought it was a bad habit, something only little kids do, and that when you are older, its something that will go away. I thought, well, by the time I am 14 I probably wont do it anymore anyway. So I didn't let it bother me. I thought this because I related it to other things that you grow out of... like sucking your thumb or picking your nose. Eventually, as you get older, often the habit just drops off.

However, my 14th birthday rolled around, and I found myself still doing it. Even though we had had sex talks in school since I was in 5th grade, even though I had my period in 6th grade, and even though I had begun high school, and KNEW what masturbation was... I STILL did not relate what I did to masturbation. I still associated it with the need to urinate, and I though masturbation was only internal, I did not yet know what the clitoris was. And I thought to myself again, well, I KNOW that by the time I'm 16, there is NO WAY I would still be doing this.

But 16 rolled around, and by then, I knew what I was doing. I thought back to when I was 13 and 14, and remembered what I had thought. I knew I was masturbating now, and now, I was mad. I was mad at my parents for making me feel so bad about doing something that, as it turns out, wasn't wrong at all. It was perfectly normal. But it wasn't until I was 18 that I found out just HOW normal it was.

My best friend and I were at the library, doing what silly teenagers do, and looking at Kama Sutra books, and laughing at the pictures, but mostly at the fact they had those kinds of books in the library. She came across one that talked about childhood masturbation, and as she read the paragraph out loud, I suddenly felt a sort of relief. I wasn't the only one. I had been SO embarrassed about it, I had never told anyone. And as she read this page of a book, I realized that I was not the only child who did it. I was not abnormally horny or sexual. I was perfectly normal, just like the 51% of children (a statistic in that book) that it said had signs of sexual behavior from very early ages. My friend was astounded when reading this. She couldn't believe that young kids did that. I finally got up my courage, and told her. I DID IT. and that was the first time in my life I had been able to tell someone. I was SO embarrassed that I hid it from everyone. My parents thought I stopped even. And as embarrassed as I was, my friend only said "Really? Well it's apparently pretty normal." I felt so relieved. I wasn't bad. I wasn't wrong. I wasn't weird. I wasn't strange. I wasn't a nympho, I wasn't even different. I was normal.

I am now 21, and open about my sexuality. I talk to people about it, when I know they are uncomfortable, because I felt that embarrassment once too. I am happy, healthy, and I still masturbate. I am confident with my sexuality, and I am content with it. I am no longer embarrassed about anything sexual, and am more open about it than most people. However, I will never forget that feeling of thinking I was BAD.

And to all the parents out there who are worried about your children, I have this message for you; they don't know what they are doing. All they know is that it feels good. They don't know its inappropriate to do in public, or in the living room. They are NORMAL, just like I am. And its OK. And please, never make them feel like its not ok. Never make them feel bad. When they are old enough to understand, calmly explain to them why they shouldn't do it in public, or in the living room. Tell them what it is, and that it is ok to do it in private. Tell them WHY... because there is nothing worse than feeling like you are bad, and that you are doing something wrong, and not knowing why, and being too embarrassed to ask. Don't get mad at them... they don't know. So teach them. Don't yell or tell them no. Because for me, it made growing up very hard. For 6 years I thought I was bad for doing it. It made me very confused about sexuality, it made me very self-conscious It made me afraid to be myself, and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone how I felt.

I am a normal, happy healthy young adult. I was not sexually active until I was 19. I am now 21, and I am still with that same man. We plan on getting married. It didn't turn me into a nympho, or make me super perverted, or anything like that that might scare you.

You have voiced many concerns as parents... so as the child, now you can hear my story, and see it from our point of view. I hope this helps.

Anonymous

I have been recently dating a guy, after seven weeks of being way from each, because I was on holiday, we met up and went to the park. He found a spot in between the trees, he grabbed me by the waist and passionately kissed me. I eventually slid my hands down his trousers and brought out his hard cock, he was so aroused, he couldn't say much, he quiverly said 'put it between your tits' so I did, I was so aroused I would do anything he asked me. Then I put his cock in my mouth and sucked gently, then I went faster, he screamed 'Suck it, you dirty bitch' we were lucky enough that nobody heard us and I love when he calls that, eventually he had a orgasm. We laid down on the grass, he looked at me and I knew we weren't finished, so we continued. He smelt my perfume and kissed my neck, I could feel him breathing heavily on my neck, he then pulled down my top, kissed and sucked my nipples, I wanted him in every possible way, he whispered in my ear 'I want you so much, tell what you want and I'll give it to you' he removed my wet panties, then put his fingers inside my wet pussy, I moaned with great pleasure. 'Let me make it up to you' he said, then he slid down and started to lick my clit, within moments, I was screaming, all the sudden my head was spinning, I knew I had the best orgasm ever. He said 'I love you' then we French kissed continuously and stared into each other's eyes.

Melissa - Age 23

I'm 23 years old and I've had only two sexual partners in my life.

My first one was my boyfriend, who was kind, reliable, patient, understanding, and we were truly in love. I cannot recall a specific day we had sex for the first time, we tried it so many times before he actually penetrated me, that eventually when he did it, I didn't feel much pain. It was done. Soon after I discovered what a great fun thing sex is, so we did it everywhere, in the kitchen (with my parents in the living room), in the elevator, in the car, in the front yard, at the beach, everywhere. I realized the most the dangerous the place, the more I enjoyed it. I had my first vaginal orgasms when we were kissing goodnight, (with my family inside) and we got so aroused that he quickly entered me from behind and I felt like I was in heaven.

But when we were in private, safe places, I could only come with direct stimulation to my clitoris. Except for one time, that we were alone in his apartment but we were high on pot.

We used to make love, tender, softly, romantically, kind of like in the movies. Those sex scenes in films, just like that. I always had an orgasm, but very rarely these would be from penetration alone. After a couple of years, our relationship turned sour, we started fighting a lot, and with time, I didn't feel as sexually attracted to him as I did before. Around that time, I met my second partner. He was the total opposite to my boyfriend. A free spirit, mysterious, sharp funny, not interested in commitment, playing to be just my friend, but at the same time flirting with me constantly, and we had this strong powerful chemistry together; it's like the rest of the world disappeared when we were together. But I never cheated on my boyfriend. I held my self back; despite how much I desired him, and how much he tempted me. I continued with my boyfriend, having this lame relationship with lame sex, once in while sparkled with sexual pleasure and desire. I thought of the other guy all the time. And my boyfriend could tell, he was dying in jealousy. I dreamed about him almost every night, wet dreams. I daydreamed about him constantly, what it would be him touching me inappropriately? How would it feel his kiss on my lips? How would I feel with him inside of me? But even though we emailed each other flirtatiously from time to time, things remained platonic. About 9 months later, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called my second partner, he was there. I wasn't completely sure of what I wanted. When he leaned towards me and tried to kiss me, I left. I freaked out, and then I thought, this is IT, this is what I've been waiting for so long. And I came back to him, and then we kissed, softly, very smooth, and I could feel every inch of my body squirm, I was shaking with pleasure, I haven't felt like that before. I remember my first kiss with my boyfriend, as a kiss of happiness, emotional pleasure, satisfaction, as a kiss of I finally found "the one". But this kiss was different; it was a kiss of pure passion, of physical pleasure, and of course, it led to him touching me everywhere and me touching him too.

We didn't have sex that night though. We got together again, the day after, in the park, and it was funny because as soon as I saw him, my body "recognized him"; as he walked towards me I felt everything was getting wet down there, my nipples erected, everything was as left the night before. Then we went to his place and we did it. I vividly remember those seconds in which he actually entered me for the first time. After a long physical foreplay (about an hour), and even a longer emotional foreplay (9 months!!!), I remember the moment in which he entered me the first time, as the greatest pleasure I never knew I could experience, it was the release of sexual energy I never imagined I had, I had an orgasm right away. And I screamed, I moaned, I twirled, I had to contained myself to not to cry. While he was penetrating me, he never touched my clitoris, neither did I. We made positions I never tried before. He was aggressive (opposite to his soft kissing). Very aggressive, rough, animalistic. I enjoyed it every second, even though at times the pleasure became pain. It was that rough. But I had like 5 vaginal orgasms. So different from the others. When I come from the clitoris, is usually like electricity, right there, in the spot and spreads to the rest of the body. It's feeling your alive, oh yeah, so alive. Is often so intense, I cannot embrace it fully, and I cannot stay there, I have to go. But vaginal orgasms to me are smoother, yet extremely pleasurable feelings. It's like your entire body is having an orgasm, you don't want to go anywhere, to be more precise, in my own words, it is like dying a little bit. Well we had sex for about two hours, he only came once, I came I don't even know how many times. To this day, I treasured it like the best sexual experience I've ever had. And this proves the theory that the main sexual organ is the brain, the mind. Because I can tell you, I don't think he is a better lover than my boyfriend (my boyfriend was the most generous, hard worker, selfless lover I can imagine) but we had wanted this for so long, that when we actually did it, it just exploded. I also think the fact that I had just broken up with my boyfriend, the feeling of the forbidden, the emotional infidelity, the betrayal made it hotter for my kinky dangerous sex perversion. Now, months later, when I think about it, I still have a one-second orgasm, and I wonder if this happens to other people as well. I feel an orgasm, a quick tiny yet vibrantly intense orgasm as if it were happening again.

Roxanne - Age 18

My first sexual experience with a boy was when I was babysitting a neighbor. I was 14 at the time and had been masturbating for several years but never let anyone know what I was doing in the bathroom for so long.

Tommy was 6 or 7 years old at the time and like all boys, never ran out of energy. One time it got real quiet and so I went to find him and there he was in his bedroom with his pants around his feet and he had a very stiff penis.

Without being embarrassed Tommy said "Look it's hard". Well I did look and although surprised and embarrassed I could not look away.

I felt my pussy twitching after a few moments and so I asked him if he knew what the difference was between girls and boys, when he could not answer I took my clothes off.

At first he was scared and his penis got soft and very small but after we were both naked I asked him to touch me and we touched each others bodies all over, it took little caressing to make him hard again and I showed him that it felt good to rub his penis between my fingers, he knew this already and showed me how he did it with his fist wrapped around it. I must have turned bright red.

I showed him what my pussy looked like when I spread my lips, then I pointed out that I could put my finger inside the hole I had down there. It took little convincing that he should try to put his penis into the hole and when he did I had my first real orgasm before he began pumping me. This went on for about 4 or 5 minutes I think and then he just stopped and said he was tired.

I made sure he got dressed and then I got dressed and went downstairs. I was trembling with fear and excitement, what if he told his parents or what if I had got pregnant, I know now that it was impossible but at 14 I was not so sure.

Well Tommy never told his parents, I told him that we could do it again sometime if he could keep it a secret and he did. and we did, about a hundred times that year and the next. But just before my 16th birthday we moved to another state, that was two years ago and I never saw him again but I have a boyfriend now and we are going to get married but my fantasy is to see Tommy again and relive the first time we got naked together.

Rox