This section of the website has been created to allow women the opportunity to share their sexual experiences with others. They can disclose how they became aware of their sexuality, what they have learned about their sexuality, how they learned to enjoy it, and even hurdles they have had to conquer. Women can present their sexual histories if they so desire. This will allow women to learn from each other's experiences.
If you would like to share your own sexual experiences you can do so here.
Anonymous - Age 25
I am 25 years old and have suffered from schizophrenia for several years. I find the mental illness has affected my sexuality in more ways than one. Like many with schizophrenia I find it very hard to desire or feel emotion towards those around me. Truth be told, I feel little towards those I share my life with. Coworkers. Friends. Family. Anyone. True emotion is simply NOT much a part of my nature. It is a very difficult and hard thing for me. And sad as well.
I have never had a romantic or sexual relationship because of this lack of feeling towards others. A part of me wants sex, but I feel so removed from human intimacy that I shy away from contact with the outside world. I would rather be alone in my "dream world" than out in the real one. I spend most of my time alone in my room. Human contact is simply too mentally unpleasant for me.
As far as sexuality goes, it is very hard for me to tell the difference between what is me and what is the illness at work. I can "imagine anything" because schizophrenia can bend and twist the human imagination into the worst things imaginable. I cannot even go to places that have children because the sight of them brings to mind, for me, the horrors of pedophilia. I become sick and horrified. To the point of making myself ill. This even happens all through out the day for no apparent reason or when ever imagine anything sexual.
From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I go through a sexual hell few will ever know or understand.
People take for granted their own minds. Their ability to feel love for those around them. To smile at another person and actually mean it. To have a sexual thought and know it is THEM and not some horrible disease.
Some of us are not so fortunate.
Raped by a Dream
First off I would like to say that what I'm about to write is NOT something I made up. It is quite quite true. All of it. Even though I feel crazy writing it.
When I was around 14 years old I began to have these awful nightmares of an invisible being that would visit me in my sleep. It would crouch on my chest and crush my body down. As I got older (16 or so) the attacks or "experiences" became more sexual in nature. I'm not saying I always disliked them. But sometimes they can be scary. There are times when I've awakened to find claw marks on my chest or back. Now, I could imagine perhaps scratching my chest in my sleep. But the back thing has left me somewhat puzzled. My vaginal area, back or breast has also been sore on occasion after a "visit."
In real life there have been odd "thumping" sounds inside the house for no apparent reason. And on one occasion the electricity in the living room went out for an entire week. My mother shut off the electrical line to the living room...At which point the lights started the click on by themselves, even though there was no power in the line! I've also awakened to see my bedroom door closing. On one occasion my blankets had been pulled off of me as well.
I remember asking my "little dream lover" what it was. It then proceeded to tell me that it was a MAHR. Curious, I decided to look the word mahr up on line to see if there actually was such a being. To my shock and surprise, there was. It seems the mahr is actually a night spirit that goes to people in their sleep.
And sits on their chests.
I'd like to see a skeptic try and explain THAT one!
It would be intriguing to know if other girls have had these types of sexual "experiences" and what they might mean.
Angela
I simply wanted to write to tell you how grateful I am to you for making this site. Before I came on here, I felt very badly about myself sexually. It has been such a relief to know that other women have had my experiences and that I am not alone in my "fantasies."
I hope you understand what a wonderful service you are providing to women everywhere. And I am looking forward to all future additions to the site. It's a shame that society has shoved the idea down women's throats they are "not sexual like men." And that female sexuality solely entails "giving ones self" to a man. I believe women sexually settle for less than they deserve because they have been told for so long that they cannot and do not enjoy sex the way a man would.
Speaking of sexually settling, just look at the sexual side effects of birth control pills. Which can cause lack of lubrication, yeast infections, inability to orgasm and lack of libido. Now could you imagine a man, ANY MAN, taking a contraceptive with side effects like that? NO. Of course not. HE wouldn't touch pills like that with a ten foot pole. But women are suppose to. Because they're "women."
No women should SETTLE with anything less than their sexuality at its fullest. My advice to all women is to not allow anything or anybody to get in the way of doing what it is they enjoy. Not their family. Not their boyfriends, husbands or doctors. Women have catered to everyone else's needs and advice for far too long.
OUR TIME IS NOW.
Kim
I just read the article on female ejaculation. I found it very interesting. I've wondered about this subject for a long time. I am one of the small percentages of unknown women who can ejaculate about 16 oz. The article makes it seem like is the most. But there are times when I would swear it is more than that. I don't know if this is of any interest to anyone, but I definitely have a big interest in this and would love to know more and be able to discuss this. Sometimes I think is this normal? Do other women do this?
Fat Chick - Age 25
My name is Alice. I'm 5'4 and 150 pounds. Nobody's idea of skinny. But I use to be around 220 pounds. I don't believe most people could ever understand, unless they've been obese themselves, what it does to a persons sex and sexuality.
I remember back in high school, feeling like a pig, watching all the guys chase after the thin girls. Meanwhile I couldn't have gotten hit on by guys if I was naked and covered in hundred dollar bills. If I was asked out it was usually, okay almost always, followed by a large round of laughter as the guy enjoyed his "little joke" with his cronies. During senior year I started to have deep feelings for a guy for the first time...Only to discover he was only being nice to me to win a bet. I was crushed.
I didn't feel like a real girl sexually. I felt like a pale imitation of one. Just something there for everybody's amusement. I feared that, if a guy ever did have sex with me I'd be so repulsive to him he wouldn't even be able to keep it up. Or that he do the whole thing half heartedly because he wasn't really aroused. I hated myself. I hated men. And I hated the thin girls who could have them when I couldn't. We live in a world that worships the thin woman. A world where people don't even want to look you in the eyes if your fat. In the eyes of the thin nation, you've committed the ultimate sin. The sin of being fat.
I wish I could say I feel better about myself since losing the weight. But, sadly, I do not. Changing the body doesn't really change the mind. You can lose all the weight you want. But you won't lose the memory of being fat. After everything that's happened, I've developed an intense fear of men. I'm scared of them. They were so cold and so fast to reject me before. I'm afraid of it again.. The last time I was in the video store and saw an attractive man I walked to the opposite side of the room just to avoid him.
You can take the fat out of the fat girl. But you can't take the girl out of the "fat girl."
Debbie - Age 45
I should start out by saying I've always had what you might call a "queen sized vagina." It was never really a problem for me. At least, not when it came to sexual pleasure. It did, however, pose a problem for the men I slept with. One partner even complaining that "having sex with me was like using a trash bag." Other men were not so obvious. But it was still obvious my size posed a problem for them. For years I hated myself for the way my body was built.
Than I met Trisha.
I had just moved back to America from my home in London. It was certainly a period of upheaval in my life. Trisha worked at my new office in L.A. When I first met her I felt a spark. And I was certain she felt the same way. Though I had always considered myself a heterosexual woman, when I was around Trisha I wasn't so sure anymore.
We went out to dinner together several times before we ever kissed. It was a very sweet, chaste sort of kiss. And she didn't pressure me to have sex the way a man might. Our first time was very special. I had never been with anyone who knew how to touch me the way I needed to be touched. Who cared so much about what I wanted. And who cuddled and whispered to me afterwards the way she did.
I have been with around three women since Trisha and I broke up. And none of them has cared one smidgen about how large my vagina is. Or even if I've gained a few pounds. It just doesn't seem to be as important to lesbians as it is to men. And I don't feel the same amount of pressure to be perfect around other females as I did with men. I feel more sexually free and content with my body than I ever have before. Much more free to be myself.
Ticked Off Virgin
I would first like to state that I am in my twenties and still a virgin. It seems to be that there is a lot of discussion about the hardships of being a sexually active woman and the ways in which society cruelly labels such women. (Slut, tramp, etc.) But I would also like to share a perspective from the "opposite" side of the spectrum. When you're a virgin, people also assume certain things about you as well. If anything, I've noticed people play this game of "Is she REALLY a virgin?" Once they find out about my lack of sexual history. I have to very careful of what I say or do lest some one whisper behind my back that I'm really a slut lying about being a virgin. (I find other women can be very cruel when it comes to doing this.)
I would like to point out a lot of the myths and some blatant LIES about being a virgin. Partly so that other people will understand that virgins are not sexless hermits who live in caves and pound their clothes on a rock. But also because I'm sick of having to watch everything I say or do for fear of being accused of not being a virgin.
MYTHS AND LIES ABOUT VIRGINS
- Virgins do not have strong sex drives. Otherwise they wouldn't be virgins.
- Virgins do not act overtly sexual towards men. It's just not a virgin like way to be. (Virgins should be shy around the opposite sex.)
- Virgins know very little about sex. If they talk about sex a lot or seem to "know" a lot of facts about sex, then they're most likely lying about the whole virgin thing. (Please! As if a virgin can't read a book and the only way to know about sex is to put a penis in your vagina.)
- All virgins are looking to give their virginity to their true love, i.e. husband. (Virginity means different things to everybody. One girl might want to give her virginity to her true love. Another might want to enjoy a brief fling with her best friend. (Male or female.)
- If a girl hasn't had sex by a certain age, chances are it's because she's ugly. (Believe it or not, I've actually had a guy tell me this before.)
- If a girl hasn't had sex with a guy by a certain age, chances are it's because she's actually a lesbian. (I've had this accusation flung my way. It seems that if you are not sleeping with one gender, people start to assume you're doing the other one.)
- Virgins DRESS like virgins. Which, in most people's books, seems to include a head to toe Quaker get up complete with built in chastity belt.
- All virgins are deeply religious. Not an insulting presumption, but you have to understand a girl could be a virgin for any number of reasons. Not solely religious ones.
- Virgins dislike talking about or hearing about sex. The whole thing makes them jittery. (If you believe this, I also have some prime real estate in the Everglades you might like to buy.)
- Virgins have a highly romantic view of sex. I think this myth goes a long with the idea that virgins are these "pure" individuals waiting to be swept off their feet and made love to on a bed of rose pedals..With a wedding ring on our finger..Behind a white picket fence.
The truth is that virgins CAN be lusty, sexually informed, flirty, and enjoys the attentions of a man just like any other woman.
And cut out the "Is she Really a virgin game?" game. You're getting on US virgins nerves.
Anonymous
Sexuality has always been a difficult thing for me. I became aware of an attraction for girls when I was in junior high. At first I truly believed I was a lesbian. Then I realized that I still liked guys too. In high school I found that I could turn my sexuality on and off like a switch. One day I could walk in and be attracted to girls. The next day I could walk in and like guys. It was something I was very much in control of.
Though it may sound a little crazy to you, I was also not very attracted to either gender at all. Sure, I can "imagine" being with somebody, but when it actually comes to wanting to do the deed in real life, that's a whole other story. The idea of being in a relationship with a guy or girl does not really do a whole lot for me. (I'm in my 20s) The thought of being somebody's girlfriend seems kind of "wrong" and annoying for me. I'm not very girly. And the female role more or less gets on my nerves.
I'm attracted to guys on more of a physical (in fantasy alone, remember) level. I don't really like their personalities or them as people. While other girls look at them and find them so adorable, I can't help thinking how shallow and dumb they can be. And I DO NOT like the way they treat girls. Who wants to be the vagina that "helped a guy get laid?" It's SUCH a turn off.
I like girls on more of an emotional level. But I can't really say I'd ever want to date one. I just don't think it's really for me.
You could say that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I like guys on a physical level. I just don't care for them as people. And I like girls more as people. But I wouldn't really want to go steady with one.
Sometimes I'd just love to be a guy.
I hate all this girl shit.
Over The Hill But Not Buried Under It
I would have to say that my favorite sexual thing is fellatio. If I had a choice, I'd rather have a penis in my mouth than in my vagina. I guess it all started when I was a little girl and found my grandfather's box of porn in the back of his van. I remember seeing this video case of a blond woman on her knees in front of a man, his cock in her mouth. I thought it was so attractive for some reason. I than felt these "tingles" in the pit of my stomach. It was one of the first truly sexual feelings I think I ever had.
Ever since that day oral sex on a guy has always been a turn on for me. There have been times when I wanted that more than actual sex. It's hard for me to imagine NOT wanting to do that. Indeed, when I first see a guy, my first desire is to yank down his pants and go down on him. It's such a strong desire. Kind of like the desire for food. I've never heard of other girls experiencing what I do with this. It seems to me so many women just view oral as a chore.
My suggestion for girls who want to enjoy fellatio more is to understand that it doesn't have to be "just for the guy." It can be for you too. A good starting point would be to get on your knees before a guy and wrap your left hand around his shaft. (This keeps him from going too far down your throat.) Then you start to lick and suck on his shaft at your own pace. After a while you should reach down with your right hand and rubyour clitoris. You could also have in a vibrator as well. Whatever you enjoy. (Though hand work is easier for starters.) As you become more excited, let your moans and words further arouse yourself and your partner. (He'll really enjoy the fuss your making over orally doing him. He'll like the show too.)
You should learn to associate oral sex with YOUR OWN PLEASURE. Not just that of your man.
A note of caution though: Never orgasm with a guy's penis in your mouth. An orgasm can cause your mouth to clench shut....OUCH!
Anonymous
I have found that mental pain and anguish are very exciting to me.
It's kind of my little secret.
It all started, or at least some of it, back in high school. I was gawky and ugly to boys. They use to pick on me and stuff. But I loved being picked on. By both guys and girls. I would often dress and act in ways that I thought would encourage teasing. I knew that if someone said something nasty to me I'd feel the wonderful pain of it for a long time. I found that the mental stimulation was better than nothing at all. And I would feel very bored if people left me alone. I would sit there, waiting to be verbally attacked, hoping it would happen soon.
There is the pain, of course. But also a rush as well. I never feel more alive than when I am in pain. Bad. I know. But I am trying to do better.
I also enjoy physical pain, though I have stopped mutilating myself.
Love Behind Bars
I have found that being learning disabled has kept me from having sex. Guys can be pretty turned off by disability.
They just shy away from me and stuff. I also don't have the freedom other girls my age have.
I can't drive.
I have a fifth grade math ability. So I have to ask for my own money that I get from work. I can't buy any "toys" for myself, really, without my mother knowing. (She doesn't like that sort of thing.)
I don't have ID so I can't get "adult" things.
I have no privacy. I can't masturbate because my mom loves to walk into my room whenever she wants. She's even threatened to have the door removed so I can no longer close it.
I can't drive to an adult store to buy myself anything, I can't send away for anything (My mom gets all the mail). I can't look at adult things on the internet (My mom would find out) I can't date. (To show her displeasure my mom even threatened to have my tubes tied without my consent and I know she would make my life hell if I dated.) I cannot discuss things over the internet because my mom looks at all emails. She would know if I was talking to somebody. And I cannot call anybody because she goes over phone bills.
Even though I'm in my twenties, I'm pretty tied down.
There are organizations that help individuals with disabilities in situations where their basic human rights are being denied:
National Disability Rights Network (NDRN)
Sexuality And Disability: Education, Advocacy & Support
Women with Disabilities - Links
RVM
Mmmmm, wow, I just found this site, with all the women talking about someone going down on them. This is heaven for me when someone does that. I have been sexually active since I was 7. I had a teenage cousin who liked to sit me on his lap and play with me. I liked it, had no idea it could be deemed wrong. I have had two females and a few men at different times in my life. The first time a guy did that to me, I was 15, we were at an abandoned train stop station. He pushed me up against a wall in the building and knelt down in front of me, took my pants down and began to lick me. Ooohhh, I moaned with delight as I came. It really didn't take too long. The first time a female did that to me, we were 12, and were doing 69 on her bed at a sleep over. She writhed with pleasure as I helped her to achieve orgasm. I am now 52, a widow, and have a very good male lover at the present time, who's face fits well between my legs. His tongue stops and goes on me till I moan in ecstasy.
Cock Eyed
I was in the bookstore a while back when I came across this mammoth book about sex. As I was flipping through it, I came across this photo of a handsome man laying on his back. A thick, little dark penis rose up from between his legs. He wasn't a large guy, maybe only four inches if that. But I thought his penis was so cute and adorable. And I couldn't help imagining it inside of me. Climbing on top of him and riding his stubby member.
I LOVE SMALL DICKS. Maybe because its because I've never had one inside of me and think a smaller one would be less painful. But I also believe that I just find them more visually appealing than huge dongs. Like I said before, small dicks are just so more adorable to me. I would think having oral on one would be so much easier.
I hope that my first lover has a small, or at least somewhat average penis. I have no desire for a big male. The thought of being with a well endowed guy is NOT a sexual fantasy of mine. I just want any guy reading this to know that not all girls are aroused by big dicks. And some of us would just LOVE to get our hands on a beautiful, thick little stub of paradise. You just have to know where to look.
For other women who share my love for "normal" sized males, I would suggest getting Surrender Cinema's film, Femalien. It's not hardcore porn and also appeals to female viewers as well as men. The men and their parts are well worth the price of admission.
I simply wanted to write to you and thank you for your wonderful site. Many years ago, back when I was still a virgin, I went and saw my doctor about some bumps that I had noticed on my clitoris. Hidden way up under the clitoral hood. As you can imagine I was quite distressed about this. I thought I had either an STI or a growth of some sort that was sure to disfigure my vagina in some way.
My doctor, who was female, told me the bumps were simply a case of me having enlarged glans. Well, like most people, I thought, "Who am I to question a doctor?" and I went away still unhappy about having those bumps, upset that I would have these white bumps on my clitoris that future lovers may come across.
So, over the years I've had issues with receiving oral sex, forever concerned that these white bumps might be discovered.
Now tonight, I was doing some random web-surfing. And I found a link to this website, saying that this site had lots of information on the clitoris. So, I clicked. I was secretly hoping that after all these years those little white bumps weren't permanent. And guess what? They're not. After going through your site I found that those little white bumps my doctor told me were permanent and part of my glans were actually dry smegma. That was it.
And with a long hot bath and some very gentle massage they're all gone. Just like that. I find it somewhat disturbing that my doctor didn't know what it really was on my clitoris. I actually got up on that little bed and pulled back my hood so she could see exactly what I was talking about. So it's not like she couldn't see or was too uncomfortable to ask me if she could have a look, as I showed her directly.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for the great site. You have no idea how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders. While the world may not be able to see our vagina's while we are out about during the course of an average day, how a woman's vagina looks has as much effect on her as her hairstyle or breast size or anything else that is visible to the world.
Krista
I'm about 13 and I found this website link on a website called Gaiaonline.com. My friend said it was very interesting I should see. Well that's how I'm here.
I was pretty young, five six maybe, when I had this friend Piper and we would play and things. We would play games when no one was around. Like I would be the girl and she would be the guy. We would date and stuff. Then we would go to her house (In the game) and we would well have sex. (What we did to pretend to have sex was we would have her lay on top me and she would hump me although we were both girls it was still fun) We always had our clothes on! But one night I slept over and I was supposed to sleep on a cot next to her bed. I waited until her parents were asleep then I would sneak up next to her in her bed. "I'll take off my shirt if you take off yours," she said to me whispering. "Okay," I took off my shirt and put it under the blankets a little. She dunked her head under to see me. I saw her exposed starting of boobs (She was older than me I think, she was a lot older.) Soon we were taking off our pants and examining each other. Soon we took off our panties being completely naked. She scooted closer and we sort of hugged for awhile.
Anonymous
Since this website deals so much with relationships and personal interactions as well as sex, I wanted to write in and discuss something I know all too well. EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSE. I believe there are many women and young girls who stay in abusive relationships because their romantic other does not hit them. There for all the other acts they do are somehow "okay."
I don't believe movies and TV always do a good job of showing the different types of abuse either. Often the abuse itself is very obvious and blatant. With the aggressor being the obvious "bad guy." In real life emotional abuse can start out rather harmless looking at first. Not something you would really notice under the heat and strong emotion of being in love. Besides that, emotional abusers can be very, very charming. Remember that they make a life out of controlling and having power over their victims. They are often the type of people you would never suspect of being abusers. Everyone often loves them and will even defend them till the bitter end.
Another little known fact about abusers is that they see their own actions and motives reflected in everybody else. Because they want to control you, they assume those around you are trying to do the same. And because they see you as a sex object and not as a real person, they also assume other men do as well. Everybody in your life becomes a threat to an abuser. This attempt to control your social life can be a very subtle thing at first. Whenever you become close to somebody else, your mate might suddenly have some sort of "crisis" that requires your immediate attention. They might accuse you of abandoning them in their moment of need or not needing them any more. As time goes on these acts of control will become more and more obvious. Even absurd. But in the end it becomes easier to simply be alone than to deal with the abusers wrath. And, in an ironic twist, the only person you have left to cling to is them.
It is important to understand that an abuser has a very idealistic view of both you and themselves. They are also very afraid of being alone. They will tear you down to nothing to make sure you will not leave them for anybody else.
Abusers can be spouses, friends, family or bosses.
AND THEY WILL NOT CHANGE.
They may put you on a pedestal. But they will bind and gag you to keep you there.
