The Female Sexual Experience: Shared Sexual Histories and Experiences Volume 1 Part 2

Anonymous - Age 43

I have considered sending this message several times, but have been concerned over privacy issues. For whatever reason, I have decided that this "thank you" is worth any risk...Obviously I prefer that this correspondence be confidential. However, I would not object to sharing information anonymously that could be of benefit to other women...

I am a 43 year old female, married 22 years to a wonderful man. However, due to personal insecurities with regard to my sexual anatomy, I have always been an extremely backward and shy person sexually, not ever being able to fully open up to my spouse or other lovers because of embarrassment. Ever since I was old enough to compare and realize differences between other girls/women, I have been mortified, realizing that for some unknown reason, I had been born with a larger than average clitoris. Due to extreme embarrassment, I never asked questions, and my mother never offered explanations or comfort. (I would assume that she was never educated about this). In my mid 20's during an exam with a new female gynecologist, I was made a spectacle of. The doctor, upon seeing my clitoris, vulva literally went running from the room, gathering all the other nurses and even the receptionist to "come and see this!" I live in a very small community and know most all the women who worked in that office, who now are aware of my previously well kept "secret". Talk about embarrassing! The doctor asked me dozens of questions, and continued telling me she had never seen or heard of "such a thing". (I knew before my appointment that this doctor was from, and had received her education and license in South America.) Anyway, by the time I was able to gather my belongings and my composure and leave the office, I was feeling as if I should be running off to join a circus! Unfortunately, this doctor's actions have created a much larger problem for me. As a result of her actions, I have never gone back to her or any other doctor for the necessary pelvic exams and tests that I should be getting for my usual health care. Hopefully, with the help and understanding obtained via your website, I can gain the confidence necessary to take a chance on a new doctor/gynocologist without fear of being exploited. After this "doctor's appointment from hell, I continued my life, now more self-conscious than ever before (nearly 20 years now). I so very much wanted answers to my questions; actually, now, I HAD to know - how much of a freak am I, why am this way, what causes such a freak of nature, etc., but I had no idea who to turn to in order to find my answers. Who could I confide in? At the risk of being embarrassed again, I decided I would have to find these answers myself. However, all I was able to find was confusing medical terms, clinical studies, stories of horribly disfigured people, some of whom were nothing more than Guinea pigs for medical studies and experiments. I was not willing to take a chance on becoming involved like this for my answers - but I just didn't know where I fit into all of this. Was I the freak I felt I was? Were there "others" out in the world like me? How ashamed must my parents be...

Shortly after the first of this year (February 2002), I somehow stumbled across your website. This has proven to be one of the very best days of my life. After reading the information in your site, looking at pictures and illustrations of female anatomy, etc. I have found that I am not a freak! As near as I can tell, although not extremely common, my clitoris is larger than some (and smaller than others). I have never seen another women with similar anatomy, but I have always dreamed of meeting another woman, hoping somehow to be able to find answers to my lifelong questions.

Thanks to your website, I can honestly say my life has changed SO MUCH for the better. I am no longer as sexually withdrawn and self-conscious. I still have a long way to go, but at least now, I don't feel as if I belong in a circus tent! Thank you, and also those who support your site, for having the courage and concern for others to research and report information such as this. Please don't lose site of people such as myself that are living their lives, secretly feeling ashamed and too afraid to let themselves be the sexual beings they are capable of.

However, now I have an additional request that I hope you can also help me with. I would love to find additional information, photos, etc. or chat with other women, or read of their stories. Can you recommend or refer me to other sites that would provide such information? Are there books available? I would love to know statistically, for instance, how common it is for females to have large clitoris' and to know how these women are accepted and viewed by their male or female sexual partners. Have other women shared stories similar to mine? I cannot begin to express my gratitude to you for providing the information that has changed my life. My only regret is that I did not come across this information earlier - it could have prevented so much unnecessary anxiety and embarrassment. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who is loving, patient and understanding and has never seemed to be at all concerned over these "things" that have plagued my mind for most all my life. Please, please, can you provide links to similar sites with information? But most of all, again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Hayley - Age 17

From the age of 8 or 9 I have masturbated regularly, and can remember as far back as when I was 3 or 4 ‘playing' with myself, but of course at the time I had no idea what sex was or anything about the subject for that matter. I was first told at the age of 8 by my mother the physical side of sex and how babies were made, I was fascinated and told all my friends at school!

For many years I masturbated using the technique of rubbing my pussy against a pillow or cuddly toy, my clitoris is way to sensitive to stimulate directly so this is one of the only ways I can ‘get myself off'. I can have a guaranteed orgasm every time I masturbate, and keep doing it again and again. The most orgasms I have had in one sitting is about 25. I always find the first one most powerful and if I insert a vibrator I can feel myself pulsating around it.

Just recently I used another technique which may other women have written about and that is using the water stream from a showerhead.

I first experienced sexual intercourse when I was 16, I had felt ready for sex since I was 15 but as the law is in the UK I waited till 16. Once I turned sixteen I actively searched for a boyfriend, for the sole reason that I wanted sex. I met a guy over the Internet, he lived a long way away but we still met. On the 2nd time I met up with him, (we didn't have sex even though we had planed to) we just engaged in loads of foreplay and oral sex, which I did enjoyed. So finally on the 3rd time we met I had sex with him. After meeting him the previous times I had no physical attraction to him, which has left me feeling very guilty about having sex with him. I treated sex cheaply and I will always regret it. On the 3rd occasion he came to pick me up and took me back to a hotel near his house there I lost my virginity to him, it was painless and a complete disappointment. I only did it out of duty because he had traveled so far to collect me, and I had promised him sex. It left me feeling empty and unhappy. We did meet one last time and had sex but no matter how hard I tried I could not find the physical attraction I needed to be able to stay with him, so I broke it off.

Two months later I met my present Boyfriend, he is amazing and a great lover. I love and enjoy having sex with him; it's a pleasure to share my body with him because I love him. The worst thing was having to tell him that I had been with someone else before, but he made me feel good by saying that he felt privileged that he was the second and that after a bad experience I trusted and loved him enough to be open about my past.

I can't go back on my past, but I want to say to other young women out there: don't ever feel you have to have sex with someone out of duty and don't do it just because you want to know what its like…sex is amazingly better when you are with someone you love.

Hayley's experience demonstrates the importance of sexual desire in a relationship. In the absence of desire, pleasure is much harder to achieve.

Anonymous - 70s

Now in my seventies, I have masturbated ever since I can remember. I lost my virginity at 17, a very distasteful experience. The boy barely got his penis into me when he 'shot his load'. He drove me home and I masturbated to orgasm in my own bed. I married at 19 to a man three years older and he had no problem with the fact that I masturbated regularly. Before we were married we had confessed to one another that we masturbated. If anything, he encouraged me to continue the practice and we often masturbated together. For my 21st birthday he presented me with my first vibrator. It was a very noisy thing but I could really orgasm quickly with it. He would kneel beside me and masturbate watching me. Then we would have sex. (I still find it difficult to use the "F" word).

Over the years, each of my birthdays brought another 'toy' for me and I now have a very extensive collection which I use. He is gone now but I still enjoy myself on a regular basis.

Holly

For your women's experiences section.

I've been masturbating since childhood. I can't remember how or when I started, but I remember it always being very good. I used to just touch myself with my fingers, squeezing my nipples and breasts, rubbing my clitoris, and sliding a finger inside my vagina. I would start slowly, then rub harder and push deeper, until I reached a climax. I would do it at night, or in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet (sometimes even whilst urinating). I never really thought or fantasized about anything in the early days, but I do now.

Later, I discovered the ecstasy of rubbing and penetration with things other than my fingers. I began using pens and the rounded handle of a toothbrush, then graduated to bigger things like candles and bottles. I like to push one of these things deep inside my vagina, and rest my electric razor against it, as it causes the object to vibrate inside me, driving me wild with excitement. Recently, I started using carrots, sausages and other food to get the pleasure. The feeling is amazing, especially with the large, rounded end or a good firm carrot. Talk about flying to the moon. Sometimes I find myself wondering around the grocery store thinking how each item would feel inside me, tightening and loosening my vaginal muscles as I walk to get me in the mood for that sort of thought - by the time I'm home, I'm so horny I have to run to my room to ease the strain.

I fantasize a lot now too, mostly about having sex with other women - which is strange, because I've never thought of myself as a lesbian. My favorite fantasy is that my female doctor is examining my breasts, and suggests a full examination. I lie on my bed, smacking and rubbing my clitoris as I picture her sliding my small panties over my thighs, parting my legs and "examining" my clitoris expertly with her ungloved fingers, rolling her fingers from side to side, and squeezing my hard pea between them. I slide my finger into and out of my vagina as she progresses to a "digital internal exam" in my fantasy, her long fingers probing my ripe vagina in search of my g-spot until I am gasping, and groaning with delight. I usually cum hard and fast as I think of her mouth closing over me, her tongue caressing my hard, wet, aching knob, licking me exquisitely until I shudder with the most fantastic orgasm.

Something wonderful happened last week though, something to top all that fantasizing. I was alone in the house, laying on the floor in my bedroom, in front of the big mirror. I was so hot and wet, enjoying unrestrained stimulation, when the door suddenly opened - my room-mate had come home without my hearing. I had always imagined I would be mortified if caught, but I was halfway to heaven and too far gone to stop, so she just stood there watching as I groaned and rubbed and rocked my way through several thrilling orgasms (almost certainly intensified by the presence of an audience). I thought she'd be horrified and never speak to me again, but instead, she came and lay beside me on the floor, and began to kiss my breasts. I was shocked at first, but she was gentle and warm and it felt comfortable and right. Before I knew what was happening, her hand was between my legs, probing and caressing me.

We spent almost two hours exploring each other, kissing, fondling, fingering, stroking, rubbing. It was heaven. She even penetrated me using a polish sausage. I lay on my back, with my legs spread wide and my feet flat against the floor, and she watched me intently as she slide it in and out, and teased my clitoris with the tip until I was almost screaming with the beautiful agony of it, begging her to make me cum. As I did, she lowered her head, and kissed and licked my firm little knob and oozing vagina as I throbbed with the most wonderful resulting orgasm.

I'm thoroughly enjoying the experience of masturbating with another woman. It's exciting and alluring and sooo erotic. We frequently do it two or three times a day, on the floor, in bed, in the shower, in the hot tub, on the couch. We can't seem to get enough of each other. Sometimes even when we are just talking about anything, she will sit close, and her hand will wonder slowly from my knee down the inside of my leg, and I'll find myself melting onto the floor to feel her on and inside me. It's great that she likes to dominate, the feel of another's fingers on my clitoris and inside my vagina is orgasmic. She often just uses a single finger to trace letters and words on my clit, whilst sucking my breasts, until I cum. I've tried that on my own too, especially using erotic words or the names of people I'd like to be with, and that is a fabulous stimulant.

I'd highly recommend mutual masturbation, whether you are straight of gay, or whatever. It's wonderful and exhilarating to be able to share it, and twice the fun. It's making me throb just thinking about it. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom!

Holly.

Roz

Having masturbated all my life I have always been very sexual and very open about sex in general. As a child and teenager I was very curious about sex. My parents had taught me about 'making babies' when I was very young, and about sex being pleasurable but obviously I still had questions. When I was 12 I began masturbating using my vagina instead of just rubbing my clit. I was fixated with the claim that when you lost your virginity your hymen broke, you bled and it hurt. I was determined that my first time would not be like that, so I 'tested' myself with a variety of objects. There was absolutely no pain or bleeding - I found it all very easy and of course great fun! However, I was worried. I knew what a penis looked like, but not when it was erect. I thought 'Blimey - erect dicks must be HUGE if they cause you to break and bleed' I wanted to speak to my parents about my worries but I knew it would involve admitting that I masturbate which I was too embarrassed to do (They know I do now, as I'm no longer ashamed, and it doesn't bother them in the slightest).

At about 16, I persuaded a friend to show me his erect penis, just so I could figure out whether or not losing my virginity would hurt. He kindly obliged and on seeing it I said - 'Hey, that's the same size as the plastic bottle I use when I wank' I was thrilled!

I got my first boyfriend at 18 and after two weeks we had sex (we were both virgins). I assure you I didn't lose my virginity at 18 out of choice - it was just circumstances. I spent most of my teens feeling sexually frustrated, but was far to nervous to ask anyone out. I new that first time sex was unlikely to be wonderful as I was right, but it was still nice to be doing it at last. However, sex with that particular young man continued to be less than I'd hoped, and I blamed myself. I couldn't orgasm and was convinced I was defective in some way, and got so upset that I spoke to my parents (this was when I admitted to masturbating). I couldn't understand why sex was such a let down when masturbation was so great. They said practice makes perfect, which is certainly true, but I quickly learnt that my boyfriend was not the most considerate of lovers. His idea of foreplay was to grope me for a bit, then sex was when he lay on me and jiggled about for 10 minutes until he came. He loved me to give him oral sex, but was disgusted at the thought of returning the favor, so I lost out in that department too. Towards the end of the relationship (it only lasted 4 & 1/2 months - luckily!) he couldn't be bothered having sex most of the time and I just became a 'giving head machine'. I decided that I would probably never enjoy sex very much but I still had masturbation.

Sine then I've had a one night stand - no orgasms but great fun anyway; and a brief fling with a friend I visited for a few days. He was quite adventurous if not a little clumsy (he was a virgin) and he will probably be a damn good lover for somebody one day. I still couldn't come, and also quite quickly realized I didn't fancy him but it was an experience I'm glad I had.

I've been with my current boyfriend for over a year now and sex with him is fantastic. To begin with, I was still convinced I couldn't come, but it wasn't long before this was disproved. Also, one of the first things my boyfriend did was to give me head - something that I thought men hated. He said he loved it!

Now we have sex in a variety of different positions, all with different benefits. I love to go on top as I can rub my clit on him at the same time and usually I come quite quickly. He also comes easily in this position too. Recently I've started coming when he lies on top of me as again, my clit gets the correct stimulation. My other favorite position is when he's standing and I'm lying on the bed with my legs up on his shoulders. I can't come with my clit in this position, but I have discovered that I have a brilliant G-Spot! This position gives me great G-Spot stimulation and multiple orgasms so intense that I often scream. From behind and fingering produce the same effects. My boyfriend is a wonderful and considerate lover and now I love giving head because he doesn't demand it like my first boyfriend did, and he'll always return the favor. We even have sex during my period, providing it's light - when it's heavy not only does it make a lot of mess but the amount of liquid makes it too slippery and we both lose sensation. During that time we touch each other and have oral sex (I wear a tampon). All in all I have a great sex life, though I still continue to masturbate frequently.

Sandra

Being 68 yrs old I find I am becoming more sexually active and use a vibrator at least once a week. I use the Dr Ruth vibrator. I also am searching to see if there are other women my age who are experiencing the same feelings. I am becoming more open in telling my husband what I like and for him to research my body more. It is interesting how men of our generation do not have the vaguest idea of where the clitoris is and the G-Spot. He is becoming more attentive to my desires and not just a wham bam thank you maam time. With all that I am having more orgasms than before and am enjoying sex a lot more but then again I always did enjoy sex.

Sandra

Rachael

Salutations :)

I am a huge fan of the-clitoris.com. I first became aware of its existence last year, when my boyfriend sent me the link. At first, I was skeptical. I thought it was a joke (a random porn site, or something) and I refused to click the link! But, as he said, "It isn't what you think it is."

And it wasn't.

For six years I was terrified of sexual intercourse. Most of it originated from the nightmarish recounts my friends had divulged about their own sexual encounters. They told me about instances of pain, abuse, rape and/or boredom that had resulted from highly disappointing sexual episodes. Many of the stories were repetitive and I started to wonder if I, too, would suffer the same fate. Naturally, I vowed to avoid placing myself in any negatively sexual situation. I clung ruthlessly to my virginity and secretly invented a world with virgin rituals and bleeding boys. I did not physically harm anyone but, needless to say, my quiet perception of sex was not healthy.

My boyfriend listened to each of my worries, fears and inhibitions about sex. Nothing quelled my terror. I dove deeper into a hatred for sex and tangled further into my confusion as to why anyone would submit to it. By chance, my boyfriend found the-clitoris.com and sent it to me. I read article after article and my goals about intimacy grew clearer. The most important thing that I learned from the web site is that I am NOT obligated to endure any pain during intercourse. The sheer elation in that concept had me floating for weeks. The web site provided me with step-by-step instructions to eliminate pain and create positive and satisfying experiences for both parties involved.

For the next year I proceeded cautiously yet steadily toward self-exploration. I'd masturbated since infancy but I hadn't ever tried a dildo, which was a novel idea from the-clitoris.com. It's logical and so obvious; if I expand my vagina on my own time, by my own terms, then intercourse will be easier. A simple and sensible concept; why hadn't I thought of it? I continued to read the articles on the web site, specifically the article on virginity which offered advice that I'd found nowhere else, not through family or friends or other literary sources. I read the article numerous times, took notes, discussed it with friends and my partner, took more notes, ruminated and meditated, bought toys of varying sizes, stretched my body and mind, and when I felt ready, I told my partner.

I engaged in intercourse for the first time on the eve of my twenty-first birthday. I had the toys, the condoms, the lubricants, and the physical and mental preparation for it. The actual experience itself was exactly what I thought it would be. It wasn't the beginning and the end of the world, and that is one quality in particular that I admire about the-clitoris.com: it doesn't pretend that sex is anything more than what it is.

Most importantly, the web site reminds its readers that communication between sexual partners is vital to experiencing any sort of sexual gratification. This piece of advice was directly responsible for my joyful memory regarding my first time. I encountered minimal pain during intercourse that day, which vanished the moment I told Steven to stop and allow my body to adapt to him. I feel fortunate and proud that my first experiences with sex are happy ones, and I am wholly convinced that the-clitoris.com provided me with insight that prevented me from suffering an entirely different outcome.

Throughout my childhood I read many books on sexuality, and found them all to be interesting and entertaining but never as honest as I'd hoped for. The-clitoris.com never let me down. To this day, it remains the most informative and helpful guide I've read on sexuality. The illustrations of real women, the nitty-gritty and honest information, the personal stories, the graphic photos; it is profoundly beautiful and concise, and my life is enriched because of it. Thank you.

-Rachael

Anonymous - Age 27

I recently stumbled across your site, and needless to say I love it! It is very informative and reassuring. There should be more resources like it for women who are afraid of or unfamiliar with their sexuality.

I am a 27-year old woman, and I was raised in a very religious community in the United States. From an early age, I was taught that self-exploration and feelings of desire were inappropriate and sinful. Abiding by these principles was a constant struggle for me, because I am a very emotional and passionate person. Masturbating seemed so natural, but I was disciplined and punished for doing it! Eventually, I liberated myself and began expressing my passions and exploring my sexual identity... But I was a virgin until I was 22! ... There have definitely been times when my upbringing affected my ability to enjoy sex... Even now, I occasionally have difficulty reaching orgasm because I'm so inhibited--it's so hard to let go and simply enjoy the moment... But with the help of a couple of caring partners, I've slowly overcome that problem!!!

I'm just writing to share a fabulous experience... I recently had a one-month fling with a fantastic Aussie. The first time we had sex was so incredible that I nearly passed out twice! To begin, we had at least 90 minutes of foreplay... He was in charge, and he spent the entire time pleasuring me--he kissed me, caressed me, massaged me, nibbled on me, performed oral sex on me, etc... But he refused to even allow me to unbutton his pants!! After I had countless orgasms, he actually made me get dressed so he could take me out to dinner!! ... After dinner, we resumed where we left off... After more foreplay, we had incredible sex for at least an hour... When we were done, he kissed and cuddled with me the rest of the night! He was completely unforgettable...

I just wanted to give an example of how great and passionate sex can be with a worthwhile partner! It wouldn't have been as great if he hadn't made me feel so confident in my own skin (for example, he said he loved the way I tasted, which is something that a lot of us worry about excessively!).

Cheers!