Question: First off I am 18 and not sexually active. About two days ago I noticed a bump on the inside of my labia minora that I know was not there before, it feels and looks noticeably bigger than the other of the bumps (which I believe are oil glands). It is painful to touch or squeeze. I have tried looking it up online finding no real answer but it does seem common. Is is just an infected gland?
I was just going to try to see if it would go away but it has me worried and I am embarrassed to talk to my mom about it or go see a doctor, though I think I will if it hasn't gone away or gets bigger in the next week.
Any input would really help to put my mind at ease.
Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general
information.
I presume it is a plugged or infected sebaceous gland, which are also known
as oil glands. I can't make a determination as to the cause, only a doctor
can. As with skin on the remainder of your body, minor skin ailments aren't
uncommon in the area of the vulva. If the problem doesn't correct itself
within a couple days, or gets worse, please consult a doctor. On the page
linked to below, look under Bumps and Lumps to read about others who have
experienced the same.
Q&A Index: Anatomy & Bodily Function: Bumps
Question: Hello, have a problem with my clitoris. I can get aroused and really wet, yet for some reason my clit doesn't get big or expose at all. I've had to fake the moans while my boyfriend was giving me oral and rubbing me! It is extremely frustrating, as I am turned on and everything by him, only to be disappointed that I can't feel it. Every time I try touching myself down there, nothing happens! Could it have something to do with the way I have been giving myself pleasure for many years. I squeeze my legs together really tight until I get tired. What can I do to fix my problem of not being able to feel my clit when I'm aroused? I wish I had some pleasure out of it all, haha.!
Answer: The clitoris doesn't generally become larger, at least significantly larger,
or hard for most women, and the hood doesn't retract of it own accord.
I would confirm that you have located your clitoris, especially the clitoral
glans, as that is what is usually the most sensitive to stimulation. If it is small, or hidden with a lot of loose tissue, it could be challenging to locate. Please
see the information linked to below:
qa1_4.htm
A Guide to Locating the Vagina and Determing the Cause of Vaginal Pain
Clitoral Adhesions
You are presuming your boyfriend knows what he is doing, which probably
isn't the case. As long as you continue to fake pleasure, he will continue to do
it wrong. The website is full of information that will aid him in learning your anatomy and needs, but you ultimately must teach him what is pleasurable for you. Here is an article about learning how to experience orgasm.
how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
Some women are able to masturbate to orgasm by squeezing their legs together, as mentioned on the page linked to below:
methods_of_female_masturbation.htm
Women who don't use manual clitoral stimulation to masturbate to orgasm sometimes experience difficulty experiencing orgasm during partnered sex, as discussed in the Q&As linked to below.
Question: Because the first time I got wet with excitement was when I was a young teenager, I've always assumed it was one of the changes that came with puberty. A friend remembers she and her sister getting wet and slippery during sex play at much earlier ages-long before breast development or menarche. At what stage of development does arousal include production of this "lubricating" effect? Are we born with it?
Answer: I'm not positive of the source, but believe it is Masters & Johnson, who
indicate doctors commonly witness indications of sexual arousal in boys and
girls within hours of birth*.
The survey linked to below, the current and archived versions, asks women
when they first recall experiencing sexual arousal. The surveys also ask
women when they became aware the sexual nature of their arousal.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180801/results
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180802/results
Other surveys provide additional insight in when people first become aware
of their sexual responses and sexuality.
Female Sexuality Surveys
* "Many newborn baby boys have erections in the first minutes after birth — often, even before the umbilical cord is cut. Similarly, newborn baby girls have vaginal lubrication and clitoral erections in their first twenty-four hours, so it is clear that the sexual reflexes are already operating at the very start of infancy and probably even before birth." Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving Pg 124.
Her Follow-up: Thanks for replying so promptly and directly. My personal experience is that--roughly from age 5 to 12--the physical arousal I felt was limited to (1) a sensation of the entire vulval area swelling and warming up, (2) a growing firmness above and about the clitoris, and (3) a general light-headedness--even giddiness. But I didn't experience vaginal lubrication until puberty...just as I didn't become aware of hard nipples standing up until puberty. So I thought both were developments associated with puberty...until my close friend shocked me by telling me that she and her sister got "wet and slippery" as young children.
One of the surveys you listed has a question about whether lubrication increases or decreases by age. That was interesting...but could you please ask readers at what age they first felt a flow of lubricating fluids?
Here is the survey: http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/521438/results
Question: I have many questions concerning my body and my sexual health. Firstly, I am only 16, but as of right now, I have not used a tampon. Although I have had difficulty inserting them, the harder part, I believe is taken it out. Do you have any tips? Would you suggest "slender" tampons? I have tried using lites but I think I might need something even thinner. Also, I have been trying to stick my finger in my vagina, just to get a feel of inserting a tampon, but I am still sort of scared. Another concern I have is the outside of my private part (I believe it is called the labia? I could be wrong...) One side of the outside of my vagina is bigger and fleshy, and sort of droops, while the other side is normal. I don't understand why this is and I am starting to feel self concious, as if that is not what it is suppose to look like. I would really appreciate all of your help, thank you so much
Answer: The articles linked to below should address your concerns and experiences.
A Guide to Locating the Vagina and Determing the Cause of Vaginal Pain
Clitoral and Labial Size
If you are having trouble removing a tampon, then your menstrual flow may
not be sufficient to create enough wetness to allow easy removal.
Experiencing sexual arousal, perhaps while masturbating, may help provide additional wetness. There is a
chance you may only be able to use pads, if your flow is always light. The following Q&As and article will provide additional information on the use of tampons.
qa_3.htm#q4
qa_52.htm#q2
A Guide to Using Tampons
Question: I'm only 15, but I'm really self concious about my nipples. They look like they haven't developed even though I'm already a B cup. It basically just looks like an aerola, and a really lumpy one when they harden. I've seen my mother's & aunt's and theirs look like a soften nipple (which I would consider normal). Will they finish developing so they actually look like a nipple, or will they always be like this?
Answer: There is a wide range of "normal" when it comes to size and shape of nipples
and areola. The photographs on the page linked to below demonstrate that
diversity. I believe adult women also have nipples of the shape you
describe.
natural_breasts.htm
The web page linked to below states, "Breasts go through five "stages" of
growth over the next five to six years, until their full maturity is reached
by age 17 or 18."
http://www.teengrowth.com/index.cfm?action=info_article&ID_article=1320
Something to consider, your mother, and possibly your aunt, have given
birth, and pregnancy influences the size and shape of the breasts and
nipples.
Question: I wanted to ask a question about female ejaculation. Is it possible for a female to ejaculate without having an orgasm? When my wife ejaculates I stop stimulating the the G-Spot. She explains the feeling as her water breaking when she had our child. Should I continue to stimulate the G-Spot after she ejaculates to bring her to orgasum?
Answer: In the survey results mentioned towards the end of the information linked to
below, 40% (2 out of 5) of women indicate they experience female ejaculation
during sexual arousal, prior to orgasm.
anatomy_of_vagina_2_2.htm#sensitivity
This is a subject that is addressed in the discussion forum and Q&A section:
../phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3
qa_39.htm#q3
As far as orgasm, what does she want? If she desires to experience orgasm,
then perhaps you should continue to stimulate her G-Spot. The reason I say
perhaps is, I don't know her wants and needs at that point, only she knows.
In general, many if not most women require clitoral stimulation if they are
to experience orgasm, since vaginal orgasms are much less common. You may
need to stimulate both her G-Spot and clitoris to produce orgasm and
ejaculation at the same time.
Some related information is presented in the article linked to below.
Anorgasmia: Absence of Orgasm
Question Part 1: I'm a woman who hates to orgasm. I get overly sensitive to the touch. Is there a way to get over it? It's a real problem because my other problem is that I orgasm way too quickly. It makes me dislike the whole sexual experience. Even when I am not attracted to my husband and not in the mood for sex, I mentally focus my mind to get myself in the mood and then I orgasm too soon. Please help!
Answer Part 1: Does your entire body become hypersensitive, or only part of it, perhaps your clitoris? Does this also occur after masturbating to orgasm?
Question Part 2: Entire body. Not so with masturbation.
Answer Part 2: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general
information.
This is not an experience I'm familiar with, and what follows is the end
result of my contemplating and thinking through the possibilities.
Has the hypersensitivity increased over time? Did it exist at the onset of
the relationship? Did it exist with other partners? Has your aversion to
partnered sex, at least the consequences of sex, intensified over time?
The reason for these questions is, I wonder if both the easily obtained
orgasms and resulting sensitivity are stress and tension induced. Would you
say you are a relaxed or tense person? Would you say you are relaxed or
tense at the onset of partnered sex, and after orgasm? If you are
increasingly averse to partnered sex, I would expect you to be less than
relaxed.
At the onset of partnered sex, I would try doing some basic relaxation
exercises, deep breathing and the like. Perhaps your partner can give you a
relaxing non-genital body massage. Ask your partner to avoid your primary erogenous zones. You might even consider engaging in outercourse, rather
than receive oral sex or engage in vaginal intercourse. This way you can
place your genitals and vagina off limits during the experience. You can use
other body areas and sexual techniques to bring your partner to orgasm, that
don't involve genital stimulation for you. While not a solution, it would
permit you to engage in sex with your partner without being worried about an
adverse outcome. If you desire to experience orgasm, you can masturbate to orgasm, alone or with your partner. Here is a link to my article about outercourse.
Outercourse
You might try taking an over the counter pain reliever beforehand, in an
attempt to reduce your sensitivity. This requires you to plan for sex, but would
help you determine a cause and possible solution. The following article
indicates you should take a pain reliever 30-60 minutes in advance, as that
is when they begin to work.
Bad Link Removed
The following article explains how pain relievers work.
http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/qa/ibupro.html
While reading the article linked to above I noted the mention of prostaglandin,
which led me to the following articles.
Note: I don't consider the two websites linked to below to be of high value,
meaning consult a doctor before accepting their statements and carrying out
any of their suggestions.
http://cure-erectile-dysfunction.org/persistent-sexual-arousal-syndrome
Which says "Excessive prostaglandin E2 and oxytocin down there will keep
your sexual system inflaming and very sensitive all day long, which will
tickle your orgasm responses [m]any times" and "Prostaglandin E2 and
oxytocin initiate orgasm." While the article is directed at men, persistent
sexual arousal syndrome exists in women too.
Here is an article that addresses PSAS involving a woman.
http://www.herballove.com/article.asp?art=562
If their assertions regarding prostaglandin are correct, try the pain
reliever to help with a diagnosis, then consult your doctor and ask that
they test your prostaglandin level.
Here is something else to consider:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_function_of_prostaglandin_in_semen
Do you use a condom during intercourse? If not, try one and see what
happens.
I apologize for not being able to provide a definitive answer.
Question: I have a black raised "pin point" sized dot on my frenum? It's like on my clit really low, very hard to see, it's sore and I've tried scratching it off but it's very very sensitive and seems to have a light burning sensation to it. Do you know what it could be?
Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general
information.
I can't be sure what it is. There are a lot of oil producing glands within
the inner labia, and perhaps this is a typical "black head."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackhead
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebaceous_gland#Locations_and_morphology
Note: Oil producing sebaceous glands are called Fordyce Spots when there is no associated hair follicle. They present as "small (1-5mm), slightly elevated yellowish or white papules or spots that can appear on the glans or shaft of the penis, labia of the female, inside of the cheeks and on the lips." If they appear on the penile glans then they also appear on the clitoral glans.
These glands are mentioned in the article linked to below:
Anatomy of the Vulva: Labia Minora
Similar things are mentioned in the Q&A section, under Bumps & Lumps:
Q&A Index: Anatomy & Bodily Function: Bumps
If the problem doesn't get better or worsens please consult your doctor
Question: I'm Dee, 19, and I'm a girl, even though some people think I'm a guy because of my name...
Okay, so...
There's good news & there's bad...
The good news is...I have a new boyfriend, James. He is really nice and is the dream guy. When I first met him (a year and a half ago) we were both virgins but about 11 months into the relationship, he popped the question that i hadn't been brave enough to ask him.
That night we had sex and it was great. We exposed each other by putting a blindfold over one person's eyes while the other explored, touched and looked at every bit of their body.
But about three weeks after the first night of sex (with lots inbetween), James got a call from his team, asking him to go up north somewhere really far away for two weeks of training and games. he accepted it.
The bad news is...
Two days after James had left, some other guy from school, Henry, that I liked for years contacted me and asked me out.
What could I say???
So..., after dinner he asked me to give him a lift and invited me round to his place for the night cause it was about 12 at night---(we were talking about our lives) I accepted this offer.
I feel really bad about what happened when we got to his place. He suddenly was telling me that he had liked me at school and started me and somehow we got into his bedroom, got undressed and I was cheating on James.
And, I hate to admit it, he was kinda better than James...
There is still about one and a half weeks until James comes back and I'm wondering what to say and to tell James. Could you please recomend something?!?!?!?
Also, I am having dreams about Henry cause he turned on a button inside of me that I can't turn off. I feel really bad about all of this and I am kinda wishing to be back in bed with Henry (or maybe James) cause he was so great.
I am sorry about the long message but would appreciate it if you could help me out?!?!?!?
Answer: I'm perhaps not the best person to ask for relationship advice, but here it
goes.
It seems you are young and exploring relationships and your sexuality.
It doesn't appear to have been an accident that you engaged in sex with
Henry. Were you interested in Henry because James doesn't fulfill all your
needs, because of a strong physical attraction to Henry, a desire to explore
sex with another person, you were horny and James wasn't available, or
simply because you were flattered by Henry's long term interest?
It is possible Henry was better at sex, or the associated forbiddenness of
the act made the experience more sexually arousing. If you were James' first
sexual partner, it may simply be that Henry has more experience, and James
will come up to speed, if he is willing to learn.
You said, James "is really nice and is the dream guy." Generally guys know
they are doomed if a girl says he is "nice." He may be a "dream guy," the
question is, is he your dream guy, or someone else's? Since you slept with
Henry... You don't mention "love," which means you likely don't "love"
James, or Henry.
Do you risk it all, to have the forbidden fruit, or stay with James? Will
the forbidden fruit still be as tasty when it is no longer forbidden? You
may have "liked" Henry for years, but this doesn't mean you are compatible,
only that there is an attraction on your part, and he may be attracted to
you, or he may only have known about your attraction to him; he could be a
player.
The real challenge is, you don't know the end result of your choice, no
matter which one you make. Do you play it safe, or risk it? Do you juggle
two intimate relationships? I suspect James is a bit serious, if you have
been together for this long, unless you are both settling for what you've
got.
I've likely given you more to consider rather than provide the solution or
answer you were hoping for.
Question: Background:
I am a 28 year old girl and I'm had a bit of a chequered past with regard to relationships. Growing up my parents marriage was unhappy, they used to shout and my father was physically violent towards my mother. When I mimicked this behaviour towards my sister he was violent towards me in order to stop me. As a child I had only a few friends, I didn't fit in at school, but sexually I did learn to masturbate,and my parents were ok with that. The violence settled down after the age of 10 but my parents still bicker and I experience my mum as manipulative sometimes, and she puts me down sometimes. As a teenager I went to a girls only school, and stayed at home with my parents almost always when I wasn't at school. I did not know any boys and experimented very little.
At university there were boys, but I didn't know how to talk to them and I was still living at home so I was afraid of what my parents would say. I got a boyfriend aged 21, and lost my virginity to him. My mum seemed to disapprove - she shouted at me the first time I stayed over at his place and in earlier years she had made fun of me for having bought "sexy underwear" when I gave her my things to be washed.
In retrospect I was not ready to have sex with this boyfriend, but I was curious, and after the initial few times I enjoyed the experience of having sex with him. Mostly I had orgasms except when under stress from the rest of my life and I was able to tell him what i liked most of the time. Unfortunately he was older (26) and wanted to be a lot more adventurous than me sexually, like trying different games and positions that I wasn't ready for. The relationship also suffered because we weren't totally compatible in our interests and habits. We started to argue, and then we broke up after a year and a half.
Not long after that I moved out of home and then had two brief sexual relationships which were less emotional and committed than with the boyfriend, and I never told my parents about them. If they asked what I was doing over the weekend, I just lied to them. I have moved away from my hometown since, but never had any more relationships or even sexual encounters. I still masturbate but it is hard living in close quarters to get the privacy.
Question:
I think I am ready to try again with a relationship, but I am worried because I am 28 and quite sexually inexperienced. I would like to take it slow with a future partner but I worry that modern men will not like that. I also want to know what impact my family upbringing and attitudes has had on my sexual development. Can you advise me what I can do to help myself?
Answer: I'm probably not the best person to address your concerns, as I'm in much
the same situation.
As you are probably aware, bad habits we learn from our parents can be
detrimental to our adult relationships. The biggest hurdle is perhaps not
knowing how to communicate in an effective manner with our partner, and not
having the self confidence to express our true self and feelings. While your
parents likely had insecurities which led to the violence, and belittlement
of you, they likely didn't know how to communicate, which resulted in the
arguments.
I don't address communication on the website, other than to link to websites
that do, which is done on the page linked to below. I don't know if there
are communication classes or therapy for singles, but perhaps there are, at
your local college. Taking a speech class may help with your confidence and speaking skills. Some business classes may also help with communication skills.
sexual_communication.htm
As far as the sexual inexperience, I'm sure there are many men in the same
situation, or who aren't concerned with a woman's inexperience. A recently
published survey in the U.S. indicates for people age 25 to 29, 86% of men
and 87% of women have engaged in intercourse during the past year. This
means, more than 1 out of 10 people in your age group haven't engage in the
activity within the past year. This means you are not alone.
Something that is important to note is, just because others engaged in sex
doesn't mean they engaged in good and fulfilling sex. The number of faked
orgasms and level of sexual dissatisfaction reported by women would tend to
indicate there is significant lack of knowledge and skill, even if there
isn't a lack of experience. Generally, folks appear to either do it
correctly or incorrectly, over and over again, not necessarily learning from
their experiences, in part because of lack of communication,
insecurities that lead to faked orgasms, and not admitting to not knowing
what to do, or enjoying what is done.
I would suggest internet dating, or at least chatting. The thing to be aware
of is, people are motivated to sell themselves, so are likely presenting
themselves as they believe others want to see them, which isn't any
different than traditional dating, just easier.
Work on the communication. What are you hopes and fears? Not being face to
face may help you to feel comfortable expressing yourself.
One problem I see with our sexual interactions today is, the presumption
that once you have engaged in vaginal intercourse you must subsequently
always engage in intercourse. The problem is, we still engage in sex as if
it were solely a reproductive activity, when in most cases it is a
recreational activity. This isn't beneficial, as it leaves out the whole
concept of sexual development and learning, and presumes all individuals are
the same, and as a result all sex is the same. In truth, even experienced couples should take it slow.
After you have been in a relationship for while, first online, then after
meeting face to face, set clear boundaries about what you want and don't
want sexually. Talk about sex before engaging in sex, which is likely
something most don't do, especially if they jump into bed soon after
meeting. You may even want to write this down, and have your partner do the
same. Remember, is isn't just about what the guy wants, but also what you
want.
If you make it clear from the beginning that you aren't interested in
jumping into bed, the men who are only interested in this will likely go
away, as they don't feel motivated to invest the time and energy. This may
help weed out unsuitable partners. You should put this into your online
profile. I would indicate you are interested in sex, as some men simply aren't
interested in sex. Indicate you want friendship now, sex later. You may also
want to express a desire to attend a communication workshop or therapy,
which may help you locate a guy willing to learn how to be a better partner.
Sorry that I can't provide more than general advice, but as I indicated
above, this isn't my area of expertise.