Question: I am a thirty year-old healthy women and have had numerous wonderful relationships with men. With some I have had orgasams with just penetration and with others it takes clitoral stimulation; whatever works is fine with me. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful guy who will do anything for me. The problem is is that I can't have an orgasam with penetration alone and he or I can stimulate my clitoris until the cows come home and nothing happens or it takes a very very long time. He has a hard time coming if I haven't come yet. Until anal sex! I've had it in past relationships and it was okay, but now when we have anal sex it takes me about 10 seconds to orgasm and I can have multiples. Why is this? I know he prefers vaginal sex but will have anal because it's so reliable but can get a tad messy. I've read alot to try to have easier orgasams, but anal seems to be what my body wants. If you have any answers I'd appreciate them.

Answer: We all change with the passage of time. There are many things that can effect what is sexually stimulating for us at any given time. A partner's technique; even subtle changes can have a major affect on our sexual pleasure. As can be type of relationship you have with them, wild or calming. Your emotional state can also influence things; work stress etc. As a result, a woman's sexual needs are constantly changing; what works today may not work tomorrow.

A woman's hormone levels are influenced by many factors and can start to decrease long before menopause, if they were not already low following puberty. If by chance the sensitivity of your vulva and clitoris have decreased you may need to see a doctor about having your hormone levels checked, primarily your testosterone level. Estrogen levels are harder to measure as they are constantly changing because of a woman's menstrual cycle. You did not mention if you masturbate or if there has been a change there as well. If you are less sensitive to your own touch, see if there is a medical cause.

You are not the only woman who prefers or is only able to experience orgasm as a result anal stimulation. There are even lesbians who prefer anal stimulation and intercourse. This is because a woman's genitals may not be as sensitive to sexual stimulation. This can have biological causes such as low nerve ending densities or varying hormone levels and sensitivities. It can also be the result disassociation. Many girls are not permitted to explore their vulva; it is something they should keep hidden, even from themselves. They may never find their clitoris or suppress the sensations it produces. When they become sexually active they may find it hard to make a connection with their vulva. If a woman does not feel good about her vulva it is harder to enjoy having it touched. If a woman is not comfortable with her female identity she may not be at ease with her female sexual and reproductive organs. Their vulva is just a place where urine and menses exits their body.

The anus on the other hand is usually very sensitive to stimulation. Women are much more likely to find anal stimulation too intense or unpleasant than to feel nothing at all. In addition, women may be more familiar with their anus as a result of having daily bowel movements. They may not have good feelings about their anus but they are more aware of it.

Prior to engaging in anal sex climb into the shower and wash your anus and slip a finger inside to see if your rectum is empty. If not, lubricating your anus may allow you to have a bowel movement and empty your rectum without straining. You can also buy a disposable enema bottle, i.e. Fleet enema, empty out the supplied contents which are too harsh for sexual purposes, and fill it with plain warm water. Empty the bottle into your rectum and then have a bowel movement. Afterwards you can check your rectum once again to see that everything has been expelled. Allow several minutes to ensure all the water has been expelled prior to initiating sex.

Using an enema bag or syringe and more water may not be advisable, but some people do enjoy erotic enemas. If you do use a larger amount of water allow one or more hours before engaging in intercourse to allow all the water to work its way out of your body. If you do not, anal sex may get very messy.

Something you can try to meet both your needs is inserting a butt plug into your anus prior to vaginal intercourse. Perhaps the combination of anal and vaginal stimulation will allow you to experience orgasm. You will want to buy a small and medium sized butt plug to start out; they are usually 1 inch and 1 1/2 inches in diameter respectively. You can lubricate your anus and insert the plug prior to engaging in sex with your partner. Get flexible silicones ones if possible; they are more expensive but work well and are easier to clean. It is still a good idea to put a condom on the plug as it makes cleanup faster and simpler. Choose plugs with a base that will permit vaginal penetration when they are inserted; some have round bases while others have rectangular bases that fit between the butt cheeks better. They also make vibrating butt plugs for a little added stimulation.

You can also try using a vibrator on your clitoris during vaginal intercourse. Try a wand style vibrator such as the Hitachi Magic Wand or the small but powerful Pocket Rocket. The first has a power cord but the second is battery powered.