Question: I am a bit embarrassed. Having said that, my question is this: Earlier today I with a guy and he was giving me oral sex and also using his fingers. He was very rough, and I should have told him to be lighter but I was afraid of hurting his feelings so I pretended to enjoy it. It wasn't his fault. When it was over I went to the bathroom to pee and noticed my clitoris and that area in general was very very swollen and a bit sore. It looks about 5 times the normal size and I can't sit down comfortably. Is this just because of the roughness? Will it go back down to normal after a while? There was a question already posted on your site but it did not say; "If the swelling is due to a sexual activity, it means....". I think it is just irritated and will be all right, but I would like a professional's opinion.
Answer: First, if a guy is doing something wrong, tell him. Yes, it is his fault. Most guys, and gals, really have no clue as how to have sex. If you do not tell him the truth from the beginning, he will naturally believe he is doing everything correctly. You will get in a situation were you are even more afraid to tell him the truth. What many women do not realize is, a man may use and dump you even if you do everything possible to please him. The more you do for him, the longer he may stick around even if he really does not like you very much. If a guy really cares for you he will want to know how to give you pleasure. If he doesn't like you coaching him, you really do not want him as a partner.
I would expect the swelling of your vulva to go down quickly, if it has not already. The tissue of your vulva is very sensitive and has a large blood supply so it can swell pretty quickly and become very sore. Gently rinse your vulva with plain water and try to keep it as dry as possible. Wear loose fitting clothing and underwear, like a skirt or dress, and no underwear or taps pants or men's boxers. If the irritation is bad, there are products available over the counter in the feminine hygiene section of your local store that will help decrease the sensitivity and discomfort.
The next time you have sex with your partner tell him to be more gentle and consider getting some water based or silicone lubricant. You can get KY Jelly at your local store or other water based and silicone lubricants, only those intended for sexual use, at your local adult store or mail order. Have him apply a generous amount before you begin. Water based lubricants like KY Jelly dry out quickly so keep a small container of water near you, apply a little water to re-hydrate the lubricant.