Question: I masturbate often since I was about 14 and now I am 16. I have only reached orgasm twice while doing this. It does feel good while I play with my clit and in my vagina, but I can't seem to experience orgasm. I have tried preferred techniques and techniques offered by others but I just can't seem to reach it. Can you help?Answer: Congratulations on having the courage to ask these personal questions.
Before orgasm can occur you first need to discover what feels good. Get a mirror and a light and examine your vulva closely. Identify your clitoris, hood, labia, and vaginal and urethral orifice. Use some water based lubricant, saliva, or your own natural vaginal lubricant. Touch and caress the different areas and see which areas are the most sensitive to touch. Learn to stay relaxed while doing this and remember to breath. Do not try to have an orgasm, just give yourself pleasure.
You might want to think about the two occasions during which you experienced orgasm. What was different? Was your level of sexual desire or interest higher on those days? Had a boy or girl gotten you sexually aroused? At what point were you in your menstrual cycle?
Try to think of sexual things when you masturbate. Think about kissing a boy or girl etc. Think about having sex with a boy or girl. What would you like them to do to you or what would you like to do to them? Think about a famous person making out with you or making love to you. Do not censor your sexual thoughts, go with whatever pops into your head. Get your brain in the mood for masturbation and orgasm.
Another thing to consider is the environment in which you masturbate. Do you have privacy and can your relax and not worry about being caught? Do you have your own bedroom? Can you lock the bathroom door?
How do you feel about sex and masturbation? Is it something you are comfortable doing or do you feel bad about it? If you do not feel good about your body, sex, and masturbation you may have trouble relaxing and letting go, which means you cannot have an orgasm.
While orgasm can feel really nice, it is still just another form of pleasure. Try to keep your masturbation sessions enjoyable by staying relaxed and by not being concerned about having an orgasm. If your mind and body want to have an orgasm you most likely will. Young girls may masturbate for several years before they experience their first orgasm, so you are not weird or abnormal. You and your body are just beginning to learn to masturbate and enjoy sex. If you have further questions or these things do not work please feel free to write again.
Follow-up E-mail I sent her:
After sending my last e-mail I thought of something else. I had a look at your AOL profile and homepage, I have AOL, and you mention engaging in a potentially strenuous sport at school, competitive swimming.
The female body has built in controls that shut down a woman's reproductive system if she is under constant stress or is under weight. If your body senses it would be harmful for to you to become pregnant, it will often times take steps to prevent it from occurring. If you should have a low percentage of body fat, your body may decrease the amount of hormones produced to prevent ovulation. This is most often indicated by an absence of menstrual periods, or they may occur irregularly and be light. If the stresses of competing are intense your reproductive system may shut down then as well. If your reproductive or sexual hormones happen to be low it could affect your desire for sex and your sexual responses. If this is a potential problem see a nutritionist for advise on a better diet and seek ways to reduce the pressures associated with competition.
Physical activities when not done to extreme usually improve a woman's sexuality. As a result of being more self aware and having a better self image women often times are more sexual and desire sex more when they engage in regular physical activity. In addition, hormones released during physical activity can increase a woman's desire for sex and her sexual responsiveness immediately afterwards. As a result, a good time to have sex or to masturbate is soon after a physical work out. You might try masturbating soon, within an hour or two, after your swim sessions.
Her Response to Me:
Thank you for taking your time to read and follow up on my question. Yes I am a swimmer, a very competitive one at that. I also have been to a nutritionist about my diet because I was once iron deficient and had expierenced an irregular period for an extended amount of time. It's amazing on how all these things factor in sometimes. Thank you for your advice.