Sexual Histories and Experiences - Collection 1 Part 1

This section of the website has been created to allow women the opportunity to share their sexual experiences with others. They can disclose how they became aware of their sexuality, what they have learned about their sexuality, how they learned to enjoy it, and even hurdles they have had to conquer. Women can present their sexual histories if they so desire. This will allow women to learn from each other's experiences.


Helen's Experiences


Sexy Woman My fifth-grade class was among the first wave in this country to be exposed to sex education. Some education it was! I'd had breasts for years, and I'd suspected that all that stuff between my legs was good for something other than riding a bicycle. My father was a nurse, so while our training on the nuts and bolts of anatomy made sense ("That stuff down there is for making babies after you're married, and here's what it looks like."), my peers had no idea what they possessed "down there".

My sex-ed teacher asked, "How many openings are 'down there'? Hold up fingers." Everyone held up two but me. I felt like a freak, but the teacher said, "She's right! There are three!." Every kid in the class looked at me like I was the one idiot who had the weird anatomy. They recoiled from me in the same way you might shrink back from a man you found had an extra nose growing out of his abdomen.

When the teacher explained the fact that there was a "third hole" they'd never found, all the girls looked positively repulsed. I understood from what my parents told me and the films she had shown ("The male frogs squeezes the female frog until her eggs come out and he squirts this stuff on them that makes them into babies.") that that "stuff" down there had a purpose. Why anyone would use it was beyond me.

I'd been acquainted with the pleasurable aspects of my anatomy, but why it could ever extend to a man eluded me. I knew I had a little button down there that didn't have anything to do with babies. Why wasn't anyone talking about that?

One girl in my class asked about masturbation, and the teacher said, "If a girl touches herself 'down there' she could become very excited." And that was IT! I got excited watching the Richard Simmons show. It didn't mean I wanted to marry the exercise guru! What was she talking about? I got excited watching the dance number before the Oscars. I didn't think this had anything to do with my "unmentionable". The idea that my "fun spot" and babies had any connection was beyond me. I was desperately waiting for SOMEONE to tell me I wasn't the only on who possessed one these things.

I've talked to many women of my so-called "enlightened generation" only to find that all of us at one point stood over a hand mirror, looked down and screamed, "I'M DEFORMED!!!!!!!" The shock of our own genital appearance was terrifying.

As for me, I lost my virginity to an overly-endowed boy on the seat of a pickup truck. The poor boy didn't mean to, but he banged my 15-year-old head into the truck door so hard I nearly passed out. I thought that the pain of first coitus would go away, but it didn't. For years, I wondered why coitus burned like blowtorch. Doctors told me I was crazy or not using the proper lubricant. I felt like a freak!

I ended up with a debilitating case of vestibulitis. Only surgery and marriage to a very sensitive man could cure this painful condition. It is through his and my concerted efforts that I'm able to fully participate in a real sexual life with the give-and-take attendant in that relationship.

It's been a long road, but I'm a fully sexual being. Just how many young girls are we going to sacrifice in our pursuit of the "perfect woman"? Why don't we just tell them what they need to know, give them good reasons for waiting (i.e.: "That boy just needs to put his seed in SOMETHING! It's biological..."), and help them as they grow.

I have an 8-year-old step-daughter. I'm pretty sure she understands how babies are made, but I hope it will be up to me to let her know how women enjoy a sexual life. I don't want one more girl to experience the pain and disgust I went through.


Tiffany's G-Spot Experience


Last week, my boyfriend tried something new on me. He began touching my pussy, then told me to turn over onto my stomach. I did so and he put two fingers inside my vagina. Normally when he put his fingers inside when I'm laying on my back it feels so wonderful, but he cannot get his fingers at such an angle that I get the perfect friction on my G-Spot. With me on my stomach though, oh my god, I was screaming and gasping for breath. He put his fingers in, and massaged my G-spot, my pussy, and my butt. I had to bite the pillow to keep from screaming loud enough for the neighbors to hear. If your lover and you ever want to try something wonderful, do this! It lacks body-on-body closeness, but it feels oh so good! Also make sure when they are inside you, their palm is facing down towards the bed. Happy loving!


Anonymous - Age 31


When I was ten or eleven (I don't remember exactly when) I touched myself between my legs and discovered my clitoris, a few months later I had found my g spot. By the time I was thirteen, I was masturbating regularly every night and I had seen my vulva with a hand mirror.

I had power over my genitals, under my command they swelled and throbbed giving me unspeakable pleasure for hours on end. Indeed I could masturbate for hours on end, dreaming of pleasures that I only read about in romance novels and my dad's porn stash.

I had been reading romance novels since I was 11, not Harlequin but the bodice rippers. And I had been perusing my dad's porn stash since I was 7, he preferred Hustler, High Society, and OUI with the occasional Penthouse thrown in for variety. By the way, I did this on the sly.

I lost my virginity with very little pain and no soreness since my vagina was nice and flexible and my lover considerate enough to lick my clit first. I read of other women's experiences with first intercourse and I feel a bit sad for them. Since their pussies had been basically "unused", they were like cars that had been sitting in a parking garage for years. They described ripping and tearing, a pain that seared their poor cunts and turned them off to sex. But a penis in my vagina felt smooth and silky even the first time.

During those years of fingering myself, I had fantasies. Though I would never tell my friends I was fascinated with a penises and wondered what one would feel like in my mouth. The first time my lover asked me to (I was too shy to ask then), I took his cock in my mouth and gave him head. Within minutes, I discovered that men love a roving tongue and the sure way to make a man moan was to tickle that spot right underneath the head.

I attribute my sexual openness and enjoyment to over 20 years of masturbating.


Anonymous - Age 21


The first time I had an orgasm it was during intercourse at 16, with a patient, experienced man eager to guide me toward a pleasurable view of sex. I had touched myself before this, and experienced pleasure from it, but had a feeling of taboo against further exploration, thinking that sexuality is something that was shared, instead of a personal thing that can be mingled with someone else's. In fact, despite the intense pleasure gained from experiencing orgasm with intercourse, I didn't have my first solo orgasm for another year or two, and regular masturbation soon followed, naturally. I just didn't think that most women masturbated.

Since then I have approached sex with an open mind, realizing that a lot of "common knowledge" is straight myth. Such as men's vs. women's capability of visual stimulation. I have started looking at porn regularly for the last six months, which has resulted in faster stimulation and stronger orgasms, as well as gaining insight into men's common sex mistakes (lack of clitoral stimulation is evident in a huge amount of porn).

I believe that some encouragement of masturbation in children would result in further development of their unique physical preferences, and the resulting confidence in self-knowledge will prompt the communication necessary with your partner to ensure everybody's happiness.


Katrina - Age 39


After reading your article on female ejaculation I just had to write. I have been able to do this for years. When it first started happening or when I first recognized it I was about 26, I am 39 now. I could never allow it to happen with my husband at the time so I always looked forward to my showers, where I would always pleasure myself. At first I thought it was pee, for a couple of years, I was sure that it was. Now that I am more experienced and knowledgeable about my sexuality, I know that I ejaculate and I cum a lot! My fiancé and I are rather experimental and he always makes sure that I gush. When you are talking about up to 2 cups of fluid, I would have to say that I am sure there have been times when I have expelled more fluid then that. I am multi-orgasmic and can have orgasms that actually last for 30 minutes. We also thought that it would be interesting to catch this phenomena on video so there is my pussy, on tape, gushing and getting really wet. I must admit that this happens with more intensity while my G-spot is being stimulated as well, which is each and every time. I read a lot of the letters about masturbation and thought that it is very sad that some women have been subjected to spankings and verbal abuse by their parents when they were young. Give yourself a break girls, let it go. Your parents were being dumb and just did not know better. Take control of your sexual life and YOUR body. The only way you will ever orgasm or be able to tell someone else how to pleasure you is to know your own body!


Tara-Jade - Age 16


I read your section on female ejaculation and, thank you! I am 16 years old and have the gift of having my vagina turn into a metaphorical fountain at times.

My first experience of ejaculating was when I was about 15. I was masturbating when I felt a warm, pleasant 'gush' and I automatically thought that I had urinated, the main problem being all over my blanket! I was at the time, too embarrassed to ask my mother just what the HELL had happened incase I had urinated. The second incidence was when after my boyfriend and I had had sex. I wasn't quite satisfied afterwards and so fiddled around a bit (we are very close and have been together for a number of years, but was too embarrassed to tell him either) and felt my mouth drop as I had that warm, pleasant gush again, this time all over HIS bed!

I found the answer to my mystery fountain vagina in a tacky old set of bad wimmins magz that my grandmother owned. "FEMALE EJACULATION" in bright glossy writing was the answer to my unanswered in common speech. But I still did not know everything about it, all I had was a warm gush and a name. It has been hard to find any information, without having to enter a pornography site.

My boyfriend prefers to give me oral sex after I have ejaculated as it is tasteless and he finds it arousing, I guess I nabbed a winner. I myself can ejaculate in quick succession, it becomes harder to achieve after the 5th time. If I do push down with it, as you suggest, the sheer force can be explosive. I have conversed with older postmenopausal wimmin who can ejaculate over a 3-metre distance.

Sadly for me, I have not experienced orgasm yet (even by myself) and so cannot comment on ejaculation and orgasm.

Ejaculation is just something that my body does, wonderfully enough. It takes clitoral stimulation, sometimes not much if I'm already incredibly aroused. Once, I ejaculated without clitoral stimulation. Just the feeling of having hard fingers inside my vagina after months of an absence of anything sexual, was enough to make me burst.

So thank you for all the useful information on an area that little research has been done in. I was always mind-boggled by whether I was squirting urine or 'something' else. It is nice to know that I have a clearer view of the whole experience now. I thought I'd write you this letter in gratitude and give you some background info on my experiences in case you needed some, especially from someone from a teenage age group, as I doubt that female ejaculation is a hot topic around the shopping mall for young girls. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and thanks again!


Crystal


I've previously written in some of my masturbation techniques, and have now tried sex with a guy for the first time. It felt pretty much like I thought it would. I did it mainly to get it over with, and to find out what the big deal was about men! So many girls seem to think their gods gift to women or something, lol. Not being able to understand this concept, I tried sex myself and I have to say....it was exactly what I expected. I didn't achieve orgasm, it just didn't turn me on to have a penis inserted in me. Maybe I'm gay I dunno, but that was my first time and maybe next time I try it, it'll be better. We actually fucked for a good 20 or 30 minutes straight. He was determined to give me an orgasm, and postponing his! Eventually, I got tired of it and told him to go ahead and get his. I got bored, lol. Maybe it would have been different if I would have had feelings for him, and therefore sexually attracted, but seriously I have to say, I've only felt that way about one person, which is a woman. Just thinking about her quickly turns me on, and I get wet fast. I've never had strong feelings for a man, does that mean I should just go for women? I'm scared if I feel strongly for a man, it'll change my feelings for women, and I don't want that to happen. Anyway, I just had to write about this. Later:)


There are a several things young women can learn from this experience, and the similar one shared below. Do not go through the motions of heterosexual sex, i.e. intercourse, just because you feel you should or are pressured to by a partner or peers. Sex will often live up to your expectations; be sure your expectations are realistic and positive before you give it a try. Acknowledge and accept your sexual desires and orientation. If you are not sexually attracted to men, do not have sex with them. Not finding men sexually desirable does not automatically mean you are a lesbian, but it does mean you are not ready for sex with men at that point in your life. Vaginal intercourse will not be enjoyable unless you are properly prepared for it mentally and physically. Experiences like these are the reason for the advice I provide on the pages about virginity. It is interesting to note that I received both of these experiences on the same day.


Anonymous


I lost my virginity about 2 months ago and here's the story. I was with a guy I've known for a while, and we decided to go to his house to watch a movie. Well we were laying on his bed talking about random stuff, and I told him that I like girls, to see his reaction. After that I asked him if he would have sex with me. I'm a very pretty girl, and every guy I meet wants to sleep with me, so it was no surprise that he said yes very quickly. I pulled off my shirt and laid back. He then got over me and undid my bra, and pulled off my jeans. I was now in my panties. He then pulled off his shirt off and his boxers, I slid my panties off and he touched me down there startling me, I asked "what are you doing?", he then said "checking to see if you're wet". I said I was, and he crawled on top of me. When he first inserted his penis a little bit it felt fine, didn't hurt, then he told me was gonna stick it in all the way, and he pushed in all the way and I gasped in pain. I was freakin, but thought to myself "you have to go through with this", so he pounded and thrusted for about 10 minutes before he asked me to get on top, so I did, but I couldn't do it really well, and he thrusted up into me for a little while. Then he finished and we got dressed and I went home, by now it was like 3:00 in the morning. So, that's it! Thought I'd share....thanks for letting me:)


Janet


I really love your website - I grew up in a very conservative and Catholic home and it is only now in my thirties that I am beginning to enjoy my sexuality and sex with my partner. He is very open and we discuss things a lot. For so long I felt very repressed and couldn't orgasm with men I had sex with and then I had an experience while I was working in Africa which changed my sex life forever. I have always been heterosexual and never thought of myself in any other way. I was a good friend with a Scottish girl who was living there. One evening I was around at her house and we had a few drinks and she kissed me. It happened so suddenly, I caught me unawares and despite all my Catholic upbringing I was excited, I kissed her and my mind couldn't believe what I was doing. But is felt strange and good, like the sort of thing girls in boarding schools get up to sometimes but we were in our twenties at this stage. Hands searching for each other, t-shirts ripped off and breasts kissed in a slow gentle way that made me want to cry. She reached down between my legs and I felt myself shudder, her hand was warm. How was this happening and why. I was hot and wet and suddenly for the first time ever in my life I was coming. It was like waves, hot and blissful. After several quick encounters with me it was her, one of my best friends who showed me all the fuss was about. Then she took her hand away and went down on me, I could feel her tongue inside searching for my clitoris and she found it and I could feel it growing larger and greedier for more stimulation. I still get excited when I think about that day - it was like losing virginity really as all previous experience until then had been groping around in the dark. I was so overcome with the joy of it all that I was screaming and I didn't care that the front door was open. We lay for a long time completely naked under the cooling air of the overhead fan - our bodies glistening with sweat and arousal. We are both still really good friends and both in relationships with lovely men. We don't talk about what happened that day but I don't think it was strange or weird, just a long over due sexual awakening and the fact that it was a girl doesn't bug me, she just knew all the right places to look. I enjoy sex lots with my boyfriend but if I masturbate I tend to fantasize about reliving that day again - that precise moment when I felt like the whole world was imploding inside me and the clitoris was everything and everywhere.


Chrissy Z


Hello,

I am writing this in response to the gentleman who wrote in a question about his girlfriend's five-year-old daughter. I do not know how long ago he posted his concerns but I am hoping to give him some insight, as an adult woman who was raised similarly to the way that little girl is being raised.

I grew up with both parents and a brother and sister (twins 3 years younger than me). My parents were originally from Australia and I don't know if that had anything to do with how we were raised, but my mother has told me that public nudity is not offensive "down under". We were raised as home nudists. When we were home as a family, we were often naked, it was never a big deal. We did not close bedroom doors or bathroom doors, unless company was over. I owned swimsuits but rarely wore them, and I only wore pajamas to bed when we had a sleep over guest. I don't ever recall specifically being told, but I always understood that we were not like most other families. There were a few occasions when both my mother and father used themselves as models to give us anatomy lessons, and showed us where everything was on our bodies, as well as each others. I recall being handed a mirror to look at my own vulva and was taught the proper names of every thing I had. I remember being about thirteen and using the word clitoris to a friend, and she had no idea what I was talking about, so when I tried to explain, she didn't know what labia or vulva meant, but she know the word pussy and just called everything by that offensive word (sad).

I was also taught about sex. As a young child I was told that making love was a very wonderful and beautiful act between two loving adults. I was taught that it was very special, and natural, but it was a very personal and private thing and although as I said we rarely closed doors, if I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and overheard my parents making love I would quickly sneak past their room to the bathroom. But I wont lie and say I never peeked as a child, but if I was caught I was never really scolded, just told to go back to bed.

The one thing in he talked about that I was a bit concerned about is the fact that this little girl grabs at his crotch. Its just my opinion that this child is not being taught that even in an open family there are still personal boundaries. She should be taught about body ownership. I believe I was about seven or eight and I remember sitting on the couch snuggling with my parents and I tried touching my father's penis. I wasn't thinking any sexual thoughts, I just wondered what it felt like. I was told that it is impolite and inappropriate to touch another's body without permission. I was taught about good touch/bad touch and that it was unacceptable for anyone to touch my body without my consent. I know my brother, sister and I used to fondle and caress each other, which on a few occasions led to mutual masturbation, but we outgrew this by the time we were in our early teens.

The one thing you must keep in mind is that this little girl isn't having sexual thoughts or feelings. She is just doing things that she has discovered "feel good". To her it has no more sexual meaning than you taking a nice hot shower after a long day at work. Its soothing, relaxing and feels nice.

I just want to say that as adults, my siblings and I are very healthy and well adjusted. I did not lose my virginity until I was married, my sister is still a virgin and I never asked my brother, but I'm sure if I did he wouldn't hesitate to tell me. My brother has told me that he has no interest in the strip clubs a lot of his friends go to, he says big deal. breasts, LOL. As an adult, I don't equate nudity with sexual feelings, to me sex is about intimacy not nudity.

Thank You,
Chrissy Z


Anonymous - Age 19


Dear Clitoris.com,

An online friend, who researches topics on religion and human sexuality, off-handedly gave me a link to the-clitoris.com in a recent chat session. I was curious and read through several articles, since several topics such as masturbation and different facets of virginity are taboo in today's culture and never talked about in a frank, informative way, as on your site.

I have always been uneasy with my sexuality, which might just be the result of my mother never really going into detail on the variety of changes during puberty, natural urges, and so on. I read on your site about the variety of women's clitoral and labia size--how size and color vary and is perfectly natural. That set years of self-consciousness about my body at ease. I wasn't weird or deformed, just different like every other young woman.

During childhood I happened upon self-exploration at about six years of age. Maybe once or twice every several years I seemed to rediscover clitoral stimulation. Then at age 15 I masturbated for the first time, and later on knew how to gratify myself without vaginal penetration. It wasn't long after that I accidentally tore, during clitoral stimulation/vaginal penetration, what I later came to know as my hymen. I knew it was close to my monthly cycle, but the excessive bleeding that night after coming to orgasm scared me. I had run to my mother and had told her that I was experimenting, which resulted in bleeding. I don't think she knew how to react to this, her being brought up in a strictly religious fashion. So she just answered my near frantic worries about virginity with occasional shrugs, and a stern send off.

Denial followed the following week as my cycle came without much consequence, and I buried my self-doubt and guilt deep inside, but that would resurface later on as I soon overcame my fear of that night and continued regular self-gratification in the following few years. My mother and I never spoke, referred to, or brought up that night, so it just seems like a far off dream--obscure and nearly faded.

Now that I read your article on "Who is a virgin?" I have finally reached a sort of inner peace. Other young women *do* masturbate in the same fashion, as much, or as little as I have. I have long subscribed to the religious belief that once sexual awareness has been reached, and the mechanics were achieved through self-stimulation (pain of the first time, bleeding, etc), that I was no longer a virgin. But no longer being a virgin also meant being with a man, right? So was I still a virgin even though I had bled that night?

In "Who is a virgin?" the explanation that, "Virginity is a spiritual attribute, not a physical one," really set my mind and heart at ease. I'm only 19 and just starting out in life, with college, and work. Now I feel as if I have less personal baggage to carry along with me, and can be more free with my sexuality instead of bottling my thoughts and feelings inside, in order to adhere to some archaic belief that seems to still prevail: that women are not sexual creatures, and should be discounted as weird or mentally sick if they are open with their sexuality.

Okay, I've think I've basically written my heart out to someone I don't even know, and I know why: your website inspires honesty and freedom. It's wonderful that someone had finally put a variety of issues on female sexuality online in a meaningful, well-informed way. Clitoris.com is a unique and extremely helpful site that more women should discover. In one night, I feel better about myself than I have in a long while.