The Truth About Size: Is Bigger Always Better?

Yes Virginia, size does matter.* This having been said, one must not forget that there is more than one size. If you have not already guessed, we are talking about the size of man's penis, or a woman's dildo. A question that is frequently asked is whether bigger is better. The answer to that question is, sometimes bigger is better while other times smaller is better.

The size a woman desires or prefers may dependent on her present situation or the activity she is contemplating. If she is considering vaginal intercourse for the first time any penis may look large and intimidating. If a woman is contemplating anal intercourse she may make her decision based on the size her partner's penis, the perceived discomfort it may cause. If she would like to orally stimulate her partner she may prefer a small penis, because a large one causes her to choke or makes her jaw muscles ache. A woman's penis preference is therefore not necessarily set in stone.

Is there a physical bases for some women to prefer a large penis? The answer is yes. This may have little or nothing to do with the length of a penis but with its girth. A large penis is often large around in addition to being long. While men may pride themselves on the length of their penis, its circumference may be of greater importance to women. A woman's sensitive genital tissues are located around the perimeter of the vagina. These sensitive genital tissues are her clitoris, and its outlying structures. Even a woman's G-Spot, if she has one, is located within a couple inches of the vaginal entrance. The more pressure that is exerted on these structures the more enjoyable vaginal intercourse may be for a woman. On the other hand, pounding on a woman's cervix may not be pleasant at all for her, and can be painful for some.

Note: Our surveys, which don't necessarily reflect women in general, only those who participate, indicate women may enjoy deep penetration. Sixty-five percent of women say they enjoy deep penetration, with thirty-two percent saying it is "yummy," but eleven percent or 1 out of 10 do not, or find it painful. Interestingly enough, a "large penis" isn't required for "deep penetration," as the average vaginal-vulvar passage is only 4 to 4 1/2 inches (10-11 cm) in length.

As a result of the desire to be filled, a vaginal ache, which many women experience during sexual arousal, some do desire and enjoy the sensation of having something large stretch and fill their vagina. The larger the object, the more filled and satisfied they feel. This is why some women choose to use large dildos and engage in vaginal fisting. As a result of experimentation and experience some women find their orgasms are more intense when their vagina is filled to capacity. They may start out with a single finger or small dildo but find they do not fulfill their desire to be filled as much as something larger. In some of these instances, even the largest of penises is not large enough to fulfill their needs.

Some women prefer a large penis for psychological reasons. Since a man with a large penis is often seen as more manly, the woman who attracts his attention is often seen as more womanly and desirable. A woman may perceive her position in society is better if her partner is well endowed. She may feel she has bested her peers. A woman may find the sight of a large penis visually stimulating too. Many women are fascinated with penises, not because they necessarily want one, but because they do not have one of their own. Their fascination may have nothing to do with size. Many women enjoy seeing and feeling their partner's penis becoming erect in their hand or mouth. Some lesbians are fascinated with penises, they may not desire their partner to have a real penis, but some do seek out male partners to fulfill their curiosity. One must keep in mind the brain is after all our largest sex organ.

Other women prefer a small penis. As mentioned above a large penis may cause a woman to experience discomfort when performing fellatio. A woman may desire to perform fellatio immensely but finds it is too taxing when her partner has an averaged sized penis, let alone a large one. The physical discomfort outweighs the emotional pleasure and benefit. Women in general enjoy performing oral sex less than men, perhaps in part for this reason. Some women will only orally stimulate their partner's penis when it is flaccid or in the process of becoming erect. A large penis may also cause discomfort during anal and vaginal intercourse. A woman who enjoys anal intercourse may prefer a small penis as it is easier for her to accommodate within her body. Women who are afraid of losing some of their vaginal muscle tone, commonly called becoming "loose," may not want a partner with a large penis. As can be seen, larger is not always better.

Some argue that size does not matter. If this were the case, what happens to all those giant sized dildos sold in adult novelty stores? Do adult mail order businesses stock a product that does not sell? While some of these are bought as gag gifts for soon to be married women, many likely get used for their intended purpose. In Dickinson's book Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy there are illustrations that depict old dildos that are up to three inches (7.6cm) in diameter. I believe simple curiosity compels many women to seek out objects larger than your average size penis. It may be the rumors of the increased pleasures that pique her curiosity. For some it is the challenge of finding out if they can actually insert something so large into their vagina, a means of testing the limits of their body. While it is curiosity that motivates them, pleasure is what keeps their attention, at least for some women.

In the end does the size of a man's penis really matter to his partner? The answer is no, at least for the vast majority of women. Most women do not choose a partner based solely on the size of his penis. Very few women place penis size on the top of their list when choosing a partner, even those who prefer a large or small penis for physical or psychological reasons. After all, how does a woman know how large a man's penis is when she chooses him as a potential sexual partner?

We have a survey that asks women about their size preferences:

Survey: Vaginal Sensitivity and Size Preferences (Archived)

Survey: Vaginal Sensitivity and Size Preferences (Current)

For additional information please see the articles about Sexual Stimulating the Vagina and Anatomy of the Vagina.

* For those not familiar with American movies, there is a movie about Christmas in which the statement, "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." is made. This movie is based on a letter that appeared in The New York Sun in 1897.