Question: I have come up with a couple of questions, but first I would like to tell you a bit about my relationship with my girlfriend (context may mean something)
I am my girlfriend's first boyfriend. She is 17 and I am 18.
I was also the first person to kiss her (SHOCKING) and the first person to have intercourse with her. She is very attractive and when I ask her why she didn't date anyone before me, she simply says there was no one she really fancied.
She has heard quite a lot about sex from her friends and she seems to know a fair amount about it. She isn't inhibited but I guess a bit shy in some respects.
She told me she had masturbated before and when I asked her if she ever had an orgasm she replied -of course-. Because she is inexperienced, my fear is she won't tell me if she doesn't like something and she won't object to anything I try with her even if I ask. It's always ME telling her what positions to have sex in, and she complies..... She doesn't have initiative to try new things or to change positions or whatever. I think she is shy...
We have (from my perspective) a good sex life, and we have sex regularly. My concerns are mainly about her pleasure. I can reach orgasm quickly if I want to (I am also able to delay it to a certain extent) but with her I have always concentrated on trying to give her pleasure first. I always stimulate her digitally and sometimes orally before sex (as foreplay I guess). The reason I do this is because I am aware that through intercourse I will reach orgasm before she does.
1.- After kissing and touching, and feeling she is wet, I always go straight for the clitoris and quite quickly (maybe after about 30 seconds) she starts contorting her body and moving her pelvis (like trying to escape form my fingers - but not asking me to stop). She also moans a bit and breathes heavily. She also blushes all over her body. This can go on for about 4 or 5 minutes but the contortions and movements remain the same. I never know if she reaches orgasm. I don't want to ask her mainly because I don't trust her answer -she'll say of course-. I have read through your page with great interest, but I really don't know if she is simply remaining in her "plateau" all along. I guess the question you're expecting is obvious, but just to leave it open... what can you comment on that?
2.- As I said, I concentrate on her clitoris and usually my finger makes full contact with it. It isn't dry (my finger), however I know this can cause discomfort (If movements are to violent, etc..). She would find it hard to tell me if this was the case... but as she seems to enjoy it and shake and stuff, I can just assume she is asking me to keep doing it. Although she sometimes guides me through the process, I am still afraid I'm hurting her. Is it possible she likes it "rough"? Even when we are having intercourse she likes it "hard", and specially when I slam my body against hers.
3.- Recently I asked her if she had a G-spot. She said she didn't know, so I pointed out to her where it usually is. I "tickled" it with my finger and she said it felt good. Does this mean she DOES? Does the G-spot prefer tickling or tapping movements? Is it possible my penis doesn't touch her g-spot during intercourse? I thrust upwards while facing her frontally with her legs raised. Will this help? (this is as far as my imagination and creativity goes)
4.- One of the first times we had intercourse, I asked her if she had come and she said she hadn't. I appreciated her honesty but have not dared to ask her since. What she said next is "what boys don't understand is that its good anyway [having sex]"
C'mon... this can't be true. If she know she CAN have an orgasm and supposing she sometimes DOES, she must feel frustrated when she doesn't. Unless of course, women have many pleasurable feelings during intercourse that are not necessary "orgasmic" (but close maybe? -don't think there is such a thing for guys, either you DO or you DON'T)
5.- I promise it's the last one... I've looked on the "positions for intercourse" page but I can't figure things out... maybe a bit too .."pictorial".
What positions are good for a woman to achieve climax? Through G-spot?,
Through clitoris?, Through both???
When she is on top making rocking pelvic movements... Is she experiencing pleasure herself?
6.- I promise it's the last one... I am aware my girlfriend's interest in sex has just been awakened... Probably in dating too, since I'm her first boyfriend.
I am not ugly -at least not to my girl-, but I know there are better looking guys out there. I just have the feeling that no matter how much my girl likes me, she will always have curiosity to experiment with other men -or women???, (if she experiences with dildos, good for her)-.
I may be paranoid, but it seems obvious to me she will go out and look for a guy with a bigger dick, taller, more handsome, etc... you name it. This I understand and it would seem natural to me at least.
Imagining she really DID like me a lot, and I DID satisfy her emotionally and sexually...
From a woman's perspective: do you reckon she'll want to gain sexual experience with other people anyway? Will this mean she would leave me for someone better in bed? or would she come back if I am OK in bed but she liked me for other reasons? I'm just curious of a woman's way of seeing this.
Sorry for bombarding you with questions. I know your time is limited and you probably have to read loads of e-mails every day. Anyway, any answers/comments, etc... would help me so much.
If you did get this far in my e-mail, I appreciate the time you took into reading it.
Congrats again! and I send you my best regards... a keen admirer A.
Answer: First, allow her to be in charge, don't tell her what to do. For starters, ask her to apply baby-oil or lotion to your entire body so she can explore at her own pace. During oral sex, ask her to sit on your face so she can control what you do. Compliment her if she does something on her own, or expresses her needs. Tell her, "Tonight is for you." and simply wait for her to tell you what she wants. If necessary, have her write down her wants and needs if she is too shy or embarrassed to tell you verbally.
She may have very simple needs that do not include orgasm. If all she wants is an orgasm she can stay home and masturbate. Men tend to place too much emphasis on the mechanics of sex, orgasm, but women seek to experience more on an emotional level, which isn't to say they wouldn't like to experience orgasm in the process.
You can also ask her to masturbate with you present so you can see what she likes and what she looks like during orgasm, as you do the same.
You could be stimulating her clitoris before she is fully aroused causing the stimulation to be too intense, and this may be why she moves about so much. It could also be an expression of her enjoyment of it. Stimulate the lips of her vulva and spread her vaginal lubrication around before stimulating her clitoris, then only stimulate the hood. The stimulation may be too intense if your touch the clitoral glans directly. Tease her rather than trying to bring orgasm about quickly, it is not a race to the finish line. Many women require twenty or more minutes of continuous stimulation to experience orgasm so you may be ending the clitoral stimulation too soon. Why not make it the main course? You don't have to engage in intercourse. You may be trying to do too much during your time together, especially if either of you are inexperienced or don't know what the other wants and needs.
Since she told you once she did not experience orgasm, I doubt she lies to you. But, it is clear she is not as focused on this as you. Remember, orgasm is only one form of pleasure.
I too have trouble telling when a woman experiences orgasm at times, especially if they move about a lot etc. Simply sit down and tell her how you feel. It is okay to tell her you do not know, that she looks likes she does, but every woman is different.
You can learn about the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation by reading the page that addresses the subject in the Orgasm section of the website. She may not be ready for G-Spot stimulation yet, emotionally or physically. You will need to discover what works best for her, it depends on the individual woman. All you can do is experiment and explore. There are no details instructions on how to stimulate woman that works for all women. You need to invest the time and energy to find out what works for her. To stimulate her G-Spot with your penis it may be necessary to guide it with your hand, to get the angle right.
If you have a look at the survey results provided on the first page of sexual positions you will see that women don't have one specific position that works best for them all. Again, you need to figure out what works best for her.
She may be pressing her vulva and clitoris into you when she is on top and is rocking rather than moving up and down. She may enjoy this more than the stimulation provided by thrusting. Keep in mind that intercourse is not equally enjoyable for women. Some like it, some don't. Their enjoyment may have nothing to do with orgasm.
Is she curious about other guys, of course she is, she is only human. Being curious does not mean that she will, but she is young and may want to explore the world and the people around her. She is 17, and not likely ready to settle down. If she finds a new boyfriend that does not mean they are better, only different.