Question 1: Hi, I've written to you before (and you helped a lot with your answers by the way) but since you probably forgot, here's the whole picture again.
I (22, female) started to masturbate around 7 months ago (I am a virgin). At first I used a muscle massager and got dependent on that very strong stimulation. I never gave myself the time to learn masturbation properly, with the fantasizing, etc. Manual never got me anywhere, I guess I was desensitized. I decided to quit the massager (which basically works like a vibrator and warms itself up too), and start using hands. But nothing happened, I got depressed, thought I was pre-orgasmic and moved on to the showerhead, with the head screwed off, which is even stronger. At the same time bathing in warm water, used to work perfectly and give very intense orgasms. I did that for a couple of months too. Then I finally decided to quit that too. I really thought I could never achieve orgasm with my hands, but kept trying a few months, in vain. Until I read on this website that stiffening the muscles (leg, butt and vagina) and tightening them produces tension and helps in orgasm. And it worked!! At first it took me a long time, but now I can climax within 10- 15 minutes. Yet I don't want be dependent on this "muscle tension" since it will be hard to do when I sleep with my boyfriend. So now that I've gotten so far, what can I do to orgasm without it??? Can you help? The other thing is that I am wondering why only my left nipple is sensitive, and if there is a way to improve the sensations in the other breast too??
Thanks a lot! I would really appreciate it! I know that orgasm is not the most important thing, but I would like to try out different positions etc, which is not working at the moment. Thanks in advance!
Answer 1: I believe it is a matter of putting the pieces of the puzzle together. You know how to experience orgasm using three different methods, but perhaps place too much pressure on yourself to do it in a manner you deem more acceptable or rewarding. You appear to want to experience orgasm as a means of proving something to yourself rather than for the simple pleasure of it. You should give yourself credit for discovering three different techniques for masturbating to orgasm.
Part of it may be learning to listen to your body rather than trying to control it. This mainly deals with understanding and accepting your present level of sexual desire, and its rhythms. Without sexual desire orgasm will be more difficult to experience, if not impossible. You may want to experience orgasm because it feels good and helps you to relax but your body is not truly ready if you are not experiencing sexual desire at the time. The frequency of your sexual thoughts and dreams will provide an indication of your current level of desire. If you don't think about sex throughout any given day orgasm is going to be harder to achieve that night. Sexual desire usually needs to precede sexual arousal and orgasm.
How you experience orgasm during masturbation may have no bearing on your orgasmic potential during partnered sex. Orgasm may be easier to achieve with a partner because their touch may be more intense or erotic and you may be physically and mentally more aroused during these activities; there is likely more emotional involvement too. While being able to masturbate to orgasm increases the likelihood of orgasm occurring during partnered sex there is no guarantee your partner will know how to provide the appropriate stimulation or that you will be in the necessary state of mind, regardless of your masturbation technique. You will want to explore pleasure with your partner, and orgasm is simply one form of sexual pleasure.
You know what works, so perhaps you need to mix it up, versus dropping one method that works to try another, as this only increases the pressure and frustration. Use water spray one day, the vibrator the next, and the following day use thigh tension, or use them together during a single session. If there is one thing you may need to learn it is patience.
It is possible you need intense physical stimulation to experience orgasm, and you have no control over this. Do not forget that some women require the use of a vibrator or water spray to reach orgasm. This is normal for them. All women are not the same when it comes to sexual responsiveness. Having a skilled and caring sexual partner does not guarantee a woman an orgasm during partnered sex either.
What may help, and has helped others, is plenty of mental stimulation. Get your brain involved, as I have likely told you in the past. Get yourself aroused, vagina lubricated, clitoris erect, and vulva engorged prior to initiating physical stimulation. Do not rely on physical stimulation, but use it as the trigger. Search through some erotica or porn to find something that really pushes your buttons, sexually arouses you. A woman who wrote to me with a similar situation found mental stimulation was the key to orgasm, not physical stimulation. Don't censor your fantasies or erotica, the more taboo or naughty things are the more erotic they usually are.
Allow more time for the sexual tension to develop when masturbating with your fingers. Use light caresses rather than firm pressure so your fingers don't tire so quickly. Use your mind rather than your fingers to get yourself aroused. You may expect things to occur too rapidly. It will likely take much longer when you use your hands, compared to using the vibrator or water spray, as they are simply more intense forms of stimulation. Plan an hour to make love to yourself, not a ten minute quickie.
I do not believe the difference in sensitivity between your nipples and breasts is unusual, as indicated on the survey that looks at female sexual arousal. Some women find neither of their nipples sensitive; fifty percent of women report they are dissatisfied with the sensitivity of their breasts. What may help increase the sensitivity of your right nipple is simply stimulating it on a regular basis, perhaps while you masturbate. You may be able to awaken and develop the nerve pathways there through use and familiarity. Usually the left breast is larger than the right, and this dominance may explain the difference in sensitivity.
Keep in mind with only seven months of experience masturbating you are still very much a beginner and just starting to figure things out. Do not beat yourself up simply because others seem to be more orgasmic, or experience orgasm in other ways. Many are in the same situation as you, or have not yet learned how to experience orgasm. Even though you are twenty-two, you are further along in your sexual journey than others.
Question 2: I am just wondering, do you really think that larger breasts are more sensitive? Mine are both pretty small, but you said that might explain the left side. I thought that the increase in size is due to merely fat tissue?? Do you think breast massage and pumping can really increase breast size? I don't want a dramatic change, but a minor natural approach would not hurt.
Answer 2: There has been a miscommunication of information. I read in a book written by two doctors (For Women Only by Dr. Jennifer Berman and Dr. Laura Berman) that small breasts are more sensitive than large breasts. I suspect all breasts have the same number of nerve endings, but they are distributed further apart in large breasts resulting in less sensitivity. I was suggesting your left breast, being more developed/dominant, may have more nerve endings than the right one. The sensitivity of your breasts is not directly related to their size.
I am not aware of anyway to enlarge the breasts naturally that is permanent. Taking the Pill may, but then you may have other concerns, and may not want to take it forever. Estrogen based creams may cause an increase in size, but only while the product is being used, and they are too expensive to use endlessly. Breast pumping does draw blood into the breasts and result in a temporary increase in size, but again it is not permanent. I do not know if it is safe to pump daily, as would be required to achieve permanent growth, if it is even possible.
You should know breasts mean less to the average man than woman. I have never known of a woman with small or tiny breasts who had trouble finding a boyfriend or husband. The differences in size of your breasts may at most be of amusement to them, if they even notice.