Question: I'm 21, and I've been masturbating for a little over a year and can't seem to reach orgasm. I usually masturbate by just laying down and stimulating my clitoris. Eventually, I get to this point where I start to shake really hard and my clit becomes very sensitive forcing me to stop. Is all of this normal? No one's ever really talked to me about sex before, so I'm having to find all of this out on my own. Please help. I've looked over your site and read about orgasm and masturbation but this is what happens every time. It's very frustrating because if I can't bring myself to orgasm how can I ever expect a partner to be able to do the same.
Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Answer: I would make sure you are not holding your breath, and are staying relaxed. You may be so focused on your clitoris that you are unaware of what the rest of your body is doing. The shaking indicates muscular tension is developing, but not necessarily the type that leads to orgasm. The clitoral stimulation may be too intense so you tighten your muscles, as a means of resisting the sensations rather than allowing sexual tension to build to the point of orgasm. You are trying to race up the mountain to orgasm, but slide back down before you reach the top. You are providing stimulation that is too intense for your mind and body to keep up with. Try a slower approach to orgasm.
The increased sensitivity of your clitoris could indicate you are going too fast and not allowing your body to become fully aroused prior to direct clitoral stimulation, or it could indicate your level of arousal is decreasing. Apply generous amounts of lubrication to your vulva and fantasize about something sexual, as you very slowly caress your vulva, working from the outside in. Allow fantasy to get you aroused prior to stimulating your clitoris. Caress your breasts, thighs, and other body areas to get yourself aroused. Directly stimulate your clitoris only when you are highly aroused. Ensure you are breathing in and out, and not tightening your muscles as you progress towards orgasm. If you are growing tense, stop, relax, breath, and start again. It may help to vocalize, that is make noises as this ensures you are not holding your breath.
Explore pleasure, not orgasm. If it does not feel good, stop and try something else.
You may want to try using a vibrator or water spray when you masturbate, as they provide consistent and intense stimulation that may allow you to overcome the barrier to orgasm.
Please see the Information for Preorgasmic Women for more details.
A reader to the website shared the following information:
As I was reading over your site, I noticed many questions asked about "shaking while trying to have an orgasm".I don't have a question, but rather a piece of advice. You tell the questioners that this could be from muscle tension, however, I disagree. While masturbating myself, this used to happen quite often to me. I would shake, and then become too sensitive to continue on, thus getting the cop-out orgasm.However, I've found that once I start to shake, moving my hand (or whatever other method is being used to masturbate) to a different spot will cure this problem right up. What may feel good initially, eventually becomes too sensitive.So try moving your hand a little bit away from where you are rubbing until you find a more arousing spot. I guarantee this will stop the shaking, and soon after result in a much more satisfying orgasm.(However the sensitivity to the spot is expected after the orgasm.