Question #1: I am 25 years old, have a loving boyfriend who tries to bring me to orgasm, but whatever he does can only be explained by it feels like "its too much." I have only recently (in the last year or so) been able to bring myself to orgasm thru use of a clit stimulating vibrator, or manually, but always only when watching porn. I've masturbated (by rubbing against things) since I was very young, and it always felt really good, but I fear I may have caused my pubic bone to become misshapen? I guess I have a few issues, the main one being, why can I get off to porn, and not my boyfriend? Why does it feel different when I do it (either hard or soft) but when he does it just feels like its "too much" and I can't handle the sensation. And because I have brought myself to small orgasm through manual stimulation, he thinks I should just let him continue and that I'm just holding back and need to let go. But it really gets to the point where I need to pull his hand or mouth off me because it becomes almost an unbearable amount of sensation? And for alone time, how do I bring an orgasm from baby level to fireworks level? Help :)
Answer: The porn likely gets you aroused and provides mental stimulation to enhance your physical stimulation. The simple solution may be to watch porn during partner sex. Explain to your partner that you need mental stimulation in addition to physical stimulation. Other women have experienced the same. For them, they may need to fantasize, look at erotica, or talk sexy to their partner.
The extreme sensitivity during partner stimulation is usually an indication of low arousal, your mind and body are not ready for sexual stimulation. Watch porn, fantasize, talk dirty, look at sexy pictures, etc., to get yourself more aroused prior to physical stimulation. Your partner should not go directly for your clitoris, but get you fully aroused first. It is also possible you are not relaxed or are holding your breath, so do a mental check to ensure you are not.
It is normal and common for girls to rub their vulva against objects to experience pleasure and orgasm. This can generate intense stimulation, that is also indirect because the clitoris is protected by the surrounding tissues and anything they are wearing. They may also develop thigh tension that aides in orgasm. You did not damage your body by doing this. It is hard though to reproduce this type and intensity of stimulation during partner sex. You might lubricate your vulva really well, and your partner's thigh, and rub against his thigh to see if you can have an orgasm that way. You can also rub against his knee and other body parts. Do not be afraid to take your partner into the living room so he can watch you rub against the furniture, while he masturbates too. You can also rub against a pillow in bed while talking with your partner in a manner that arouses you both.
You are normal and it is important to let your partner know that many women are like you. You and they can only experience orgasm as a result of certain types of stimulation, and many can only experience orgasm during masturbation. This has nothing to do with him or his level of skill and knowledge. It is a simple fact of life.
If you experience orgasm quickly, as a result of using a vibrator or direct clitoral stimulation, there is often insufficient time for significant sexual tension to build up so your orgasms are weak. See how many times you can come close to orgasm without going over the edge during each masturbation session, before you allow orgasm to occur. Make love to yourself by taking your time and stimulating your entire mind and body. Inserting something into your vagina may provide something for your pelvic and vaginal muscles to grasp, resulting in greater sensation. Learning and doing Kegel exercises can enhance orgasm too.
Another thing to acknowledge is the role of sexual desire in your sexual responses. In the absence of desire, sexual pleasure and orgasm are much more difficult to achieve.