Question: I am very concerned about my daughter’s behavior and I do hope you may be able to answer a few questions for me in order to put my mind at rest.

Janine is only 8 years old and I have caught her masturbating on many occasions. I thought at first or rather I hoped at first she was just relieving herself of an itch but my worst suspicions were acknowledged when I was able to have a closer look some time later.

The first time I mention was when she was sitting at her desk doing her homework wearing just a nightie and no underwear and I observed her rubbing herself between her legs. Another occasion was when she was in the indoor spa and I was again able to observe through the open door that she was enjoying the sensation of the water and air coming out of the side jets as she guided her private parts over the sprays.

I have always encouraged my children not to close doors fully as a safety precaution and never have locks on their bedroom doors. Janine’s door is always slightly open and as I became more curious about her antics I checked on her regularly.

I now know she masturbates. I am sure of it, but I cannot understand why? I mean I was at least 16 before I had the need to do it. As a mother of two (I also have a 4 year old boy) I may be a little old fashioned but nevertheless not totally in the dark with regard to such matters but surely an 8 year old girl does not receive sexual pleasure from masturbation at that age.

I have watched her and most weeks I have observed her on 3 or 4 occasions usually at night in her bedroom rubbing herself between her legs. If she is wearing underwear I can clearly see her fingers moving underneath the material. I also notice she closes her eyes during this procedure.

Please help me. Is she developing far too early for her age? Is it possible for her to have an orgasm at her age? Should I bring her to a doctor? I am ashamed to discuss this with my friends who have daughters her age or anybody else, but I am really worried and would welcome your advice. Should I talk to her about it? Heavens know how long she has been doing it or why. What age can a girl have a first orgasm at? Please help me I am desperate and very worried.

Answer: Your daughter is perfectly normal and healthy. Keep in mind the nerves that are sensitive to sexual stimulation are present and functional at birth. Her clitoris works the same as yours. It is then not unusual for girls to masturbate from birth onward, and experience orgasm while doing so. Many girls do not learn until puberty or later. Learning before puberty will mean she has a constructive way of addressing her sex drive when it develops. She may experience orgasm, but she may do it simply because it feels good and relaxes her; homework can be both boring and stressful, even for an eight year old. While I understand you concern and curiosity, I would recommend respecting her privacy, just as you probably would not want her observing you masturbate.

Many people say you should teach children about "private touch" and not to touch their genitals in public or where others may see them. Young children often have no privacy so it is difficult concept to explain to them. I have seen several girls explore the sensitivity of their genitals or masturbate in public. It is my understanding that it isn’t all that unusual to see if you spend any amount of time around children. Earlier this year, I observed a girl of about eleven discreetly teach another girl of the same age to kneel facing the jets in the Jacuzzi at a pubic gym, with several adults present. I would use your own judgment as what is appropriate for you and your daughter.

There are age appropriate books that you can buy her that discuss masturbation, sex, and puberty.