Question: When you "finger" or pleasure a woman with other things than your penis, how do you know she likes it besides asking her? I just feel to embarrassed to ask! And also, is it possible for me to make her have an orgasm by fingering her, or only can she do that. And if I can make her have an orgasm how do I know she has had one? I know these are a lot of questions but I really have to know, seeing as I am not an expert on this type of stuff.

Answer: Communication is one of the toughest challenges faced by couples. We do not discuss sexual issues with our parents so we never learn how. We never develop these skills even though they are very important. We only learn how to be embarrassed and uncomfortable with the subject of sex. More often than not, sexual conversations held in locker rooms and at sleepovers are not appropriate in the bedroom with a partner. Couples often go it blindly believing they know what their partner should and does want. This often results in a lot of clumsy and unpleasant sex.

You really do need to ask: "Does this feel good?" "Do you want more or less pressure?" "Do you want me to go faster or slower?" "What would you like me to do?" If you are not comfortable asking these question then you probably are not at a point in the relationship where you should explore sex. You can ask her to hold your hand or arm and squeeze it to indicate if she wants more or less pressure if speaking is difficult.

Do not pretend to know what she wants and likes because she will figure out in a hurry that you do not. While young women may not know what they want, when first exploring partner sex, they soon figure out what they do not enjoy and do not want. They may only engage in these activities expecting they should be enjoying what their partner is doing simply because their partner is doing it. Men are expected to know what to do and women expect them to know, since men are sexual and women are not, so the common belief goes.

Please see the page titled Orgasm: Did She? in the Orgasm section and the section on Massage.