Question: This is very strange. I never had a problem with this until about two years ago -- I'm 26 -- when suddenly the orgasms that I gave myself became . . . dull! All of a sudden, masturbating wasn't what it used to be. I had never had an orgasm with a partner, but I always had great orgasms, satisfying ones, myself.. I became very discouraged. Then, a few months ago, I had my first orgasm during oral sex with a partner-- and it was the most amazing orgasm I ever had by far. However, my personal orgasms are still rather weak! And now, I'm finding it harder and harder to achieve the same strength in the orgasms I have with my partner. They, too, are diminishing in the WOW department. What is going on??

Do I have to do something weird and new and exciting every time now? Is sex and masturbation just going to be boring from now on if not? How is it possible to have such dull orgasms-- they just don't reach the same peak that they used to, or that I reached that first time during oral sex, when I was shaking all over and nearly passed out. That was great! I want that back! Any suggestions?

Answer: My first guess about why masturbation is no longer as fulfilling is stress. Did you start a new job or did your job become more challenging at that time? Having children can cause stress and distraction. Did you start taking any medication including birth control? Did your desire for sex or sensitivity to sexual stimulation change at the same time, indicating a possible hormonal change?

While masturbating, you might try reading some erotica or watching an adult video to see if getting your brain involved helps out. Find something that turns you on. If you are thinking about what you are doing, whether you will have a strong orgasm, or work, orgasm is less likely to occur. Physical stimulation alone may not be sufficient anymore.

The change in orgasms during oral sex could be the result of it not being totally new anymore, and perhaps performance anxiety. It started out great but then slowly started becoming less intense and you perhaps started thinking about it more and wondering what would happen and are as a result unable to relax and fully enjoy it. Your past experience with your orgasms during masturbation would also come into play. You may be thinking about it too much. Find something to entertain your mind while your partner orally stimulates you. Fantasize, watch an erotic video, or look at erotic pictures. If you are thinking about what they are doing or orgasm, you will not be relaxed and will not find it as enjoyable as it could be.