Question: I was hoping you could answer a few questions for me. You see I'm a virgin and for the first time I just started experimenting with my girlfriend and when she asked me to finger her I started to and noticed that when I put two fingers in that I could feel some lumpy tissue that kind of freaked me out. My girlfriend has also never been with anyone willingly, you see she was raped 2 years ago and I'm terrified that she might have HPV and now from fooling around with her I have it too.
My question is, is having small lumps or something that feels that way inside normal, if she is laying on her back and I put my fingers in pointing up?
Also I attempted to go down on her and noticed a unpleasant odor around her vagina, I didn't want to be rude so I didn't say anything. Is there anything that can be done about that?
Please reply ASAP so I know if I need to get an STD test because I'm making myself sick over this.
Answer: The texture of her vaginal tissues is normal, as mentioned and shown in the article linked to below:
anatomy_of_vagina_1_2.htm#texture
Information about caring for the vulva and vagina, and basic information about vaginal infections is linked to below, which should address your concerns about her scent or odor:
feminine_hygiene.htm
vaginal_infections.htm
Question Part 1: Why can't I ever get aroused?
I am a teenage girl and I can't ever get myself fully aroused. I have watched porn and everything, yet whenever I try to masturbate I don't get any sexual pleasure. Even when I had oral sex performed on me I didn't feel a thing! Am I doing something wrong? Or am I damaged? Can this problem be fixed?
Answer Part 1: Others have experienced the same. I would ensure that you and your partner
have located your clitoris, specifically the clitoral glans. A woman I knew
didn't enjoy oral stimulation until she and her partner learned how to
retract the hood of her clitoris to expose the clitoral glans; her clitoris
was small and tightly hooded. You may also want to experiment with vibrating
devices, such as an electric tooth brush.
Questions and answers on the website address this issue. Look under Arousal,
on the page linked to below.
qa_index_arousal.htm
Locating the clitoris is addressed on the page linked to below:
qa1_4.htm
The following articles may also be of help:
female_sexual_nervous_system_1.htm
perception_of_sexual_arousal_and_desire.htm
how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
Question Part 2: I know exactly where everything is, but even when I touch the clitoral glans, I honestly feel not one thing at all. No pleasure nor pain. I don't know if I did something to damage it or what? Could it be stress or an irregular period, both of which I have?
Answer Part 2: Do you experience sexual arousal at any level? That is, does your vagina lubricate, and does your vulva become engorged with blood? Is there any increased sensitivity to stimulation when you are sexually aroused?
Did you read through this Q&A, that I sent a link to prior?
perception_of_sexual_arousal_and_desire.htm
Yes, stress curtails sexual response, and irregular periods caused by hormonal issues could also influence your sexual response, as could any medication prescribed to treat these issues.
Question Part 3: My vagina does lubricate, but my vulva does not engorge with blood. I will look over the Q&A again to see if I can get more info.
Answer Part 3: Do you experience sexual desire that compels you to engage in sex, or do you go through the motions of sex because you believe you should? Are you sexually attracted to your partner, do you feel sexual arousal when you look at them, think about them? Did your sexual feelings and responses become stronger during puberty?
Question Part 4: I often do experience sexual desire, but that's as far as it goes. When I did have a partner, I did feel arousal, but again, stimulation brought me no pleasure. And yes, my sexual feelings became stronger during puberty
Answer Part 4: The Q&A I linked to prior likely provides the answer, as you need to find some form of stimulation, mental and/or physical, that increases your level of arousal. Don't expect too much too soon. It isn't always like in the movies, with sex lasting a matter of seconds.
You haven't mentioned your age, but it may take time for your body to catch up to your peers. It may not be the answer you expect or desire, but you may need to wait until your early twenties before everything falls into place. Choosing the wrong or an incompatible partner could also impair your ability to experience arousal and orgasm.
Your stress and irregular periods should also be taken into consideration.
Question: I'm 19 years old and have never masturbated. I have always had a phobia about my genitals, touching them myself sends me into a mild panic attack, though this is not the case when my boyfriend touches them, in fact the opposite is true and it's very pleasurable! I have also had problems with the idea of cunnilingus, as I had a bad experience with it once before. Slowly slowly my boyfriend and I have been working on this and we have made real progress to the point where I am not afraid anymore, however the other day I experienced something very odd.
Whilst orally stimulating me I could feel pleasure building up, I felt like I needed to pee and so tensed up having never experienced that before. It went away after a while and I thought no more of it. Reading your fabulous site I expect had I let go I may well have had my first orgasm.
Regardless, my boyfriend and I have since reached this building up of pleasure frequently however after it's just getting to the point where I think 'a little more!' my clit immediately becomes exceedingly sensitive and it hurts when touched, causing my legs to jerk (which is quite embarrassing as you can probably imagine) and means I pull away quite harshly. We don't understand why this is and it's affecting my boyfriend's self esteem as he's worried he's hurting me.
I don't experience any relief from this and I don't shudder or anything, though my legs tense up just before I get sensitive. In fact I usually feel more frustrated afterwards. Is this normal? Or is it just this 'brick wall' I hear women talking about before I get over the barrier and orgasm?
Obviously I know it is difficult to achieve orgasm if you don't masturbate but I truly have such a phobia of it that (despite following your various relaxation techniques for weeks on end) every time I try I dread doing it the next time. Is masturbation truly essential to reach orgasm or can my boyfriend and I achieve it together with time and patience without resorting to masturbation?
I know this is long with several questions in it that you've probably heard before but it's beginning to get me down and worried that something is wrong with me and I don't know where else to turn.
Many thanks, I anxiously await your response!
Answer: Your experience is very typical of women who have not experienced orgasm.
The jerking of the legs has been frequently mentioned by young women, though
I can't explain why this occurs. Perhaps it is a system overload. The
increased clitoral sensitivity is frequently experienced after orgasm, but
also occurs during sexual arousal. I recommend women and their partner adapt
a less intense form of stimulation until this sensitivity passes. When it
becomes too much, ask your partner to stimulate your inner or outer labia or
thighs. Once the sensitivity passes, they can stimulate your clitoris once
again. Perhaps they should stimulate your vulva through your underwear, or a
layer of plastic food wrap.
The good news is, there are at least three methods of masturbation that
don't require you to touch or look at your vulva. They are rubbing your
vulva against something, as described in the article about outercourse,
water spray, as in using a hand held shower head or tub faucet, and lastly a
vibrating device, such as a vibrator or electric tooth brush. Once you learn
to experience orgasm on your own, your mind and body will be less resistant
to the sensations experienced during sex with your partner.
outercourse.htm
What you and your partner must understand is, for women in your age group,
only 50% are experiencing orgasm during partnered sex, as mentioned in the
article linked to below. While I can understand your frustration, your
experience is very typical. What you are experiencing is normal, at least
for you, so you need to accept it.
sexually_stimulating_vagina_2.htm#penis
When your legs start to shake, there are a couple options, clamp down on
your partner, with his prior knowledge and consent, or secure your legs to
something with soft rope or scarves. Don't torture yourself, but provide some
form of resistance for your legs to press or pull on. You might also assume a different body position, kneeling or bent over a piece of furniture, perhaps your bed or couch.
The feeling of needing to urinate is very common, and is addressed in the
article linked to below:
anorgasmia_absence_of_orgasm.htm
I hope this information and reassurance is of help to you and your partner.
Question: Well, I'm 15 years old. And my problem is that my clit isn't sensative... at all. If I just touch myself, I don't feel any pleasure what-so-ever from touching my clit. I only seem to get pleasure from penetration. I'm jealous of my friends who tell me they can have orgasms just by rubbing their clits and I can't. My boyfriend (I am sexually active) can't even seem to pleasure my clit. Its frustrating when he wants me to orgasm, but I just can't. I've never had an orgasm, and I only get pleasure from him penetrating me, but that still has never given me an orgasm.
Another thing I'm concerned about it this fluid that comes out of me. Its white in color, and its kind of thick, and dries flaky. It usually comes out a lot at one time, and my boyfriend has asked me about it, but I have no idea what it is.
My question is; is this normal at all? Is there any reason why I'm lacking sensitivity in my clit, and is there a way I can try to fix it? And is there anything my boyfriend can try that would give me a better chance of getting an orgasm? Is the white fluid coming out of me normal?
Answer: Are you and your partner able to locate and stimulate your clitoral glans?
Some women find that if their clitoral glans isn't stimulated, they don't
experience pleasure. A woman I knew wasn't able to experience orgasm during
oral sex until she and her partner learned they had to retract her clitoral
hood, which fit tightly around her small clitoral glans.
As indicated in the beginning of the article about anal sex, the clitoris
isn't always the most sensitive area of a woman's body.
anal_sex.htm
The Q&As linked to below address the sexual concerns of young
women such as yourself.
qa_index_puberty.htm
The article linked to below acknowledges that all women don't have a
clitoris, or one that is sensitive to stimulation.
female_sexual_nervous_system_4.htm
The vaginal fluids you and your partner observe are probably normal, but could be an indication of infection, especially if your vaginal fluids have recently changed. The articles linked to below describe what is normal, and what is not.
feminine_hygiene.htm
female_body_fluids.htm
vaginal_infections.htm
I hope this information is of help.
Question: Do you have any advice for a woman who has had a double mastectomy and a total hysterectomy, including the cervix and ovaries? I am now 53 and haven't had an orgasm during sex in six years, since the hysterectomy and last breast removed. This was elective surgery, due to a genetic predisposition to breast cancer. My breasts were always pretty central in getting me stimulated and I stimulated my nipples to achieve orgasm during oral sex or clitoral stimulation. Now I can only have an orgasm using a vibrator, but the orgasms are pretty unfulfilling. Is there a type of vibrator that works best, preferably with a partner? I tried the we-vibe and it's just OK. I can only use it when I'm alone and it just gets in the way with my partner. I will try your exercises - they look good and the thing about urination is interesting (though I never have a problem peeing). I'll try to make it more erotic. The doctors didn't discuss the sexual repercussions of these surgeries and at the time I was too panicked to think about it. Now I kind of regret doing it, or before doing research into nipple sparing surgery. No one even mentioned that at the time. Thanks if you have ANY advice.
Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general
information.
It sounds like the removal of your breasts has impaired your ability to
experience orgasm, as a result of a loss of a primary erogenous zone, and
the removal of your internal organs has dampened your orgasms.
The pelvic surgery could have resulted in damage to the nerves and blood
vessels that supply your remaining pelvic and genital organs. This is
mentioned in the article about female sexual satisfaction. While I
believe the common believe is that the removal of the uterus should not
adversely affect a woman's orgasms, I know women have reported otherwise. I
haven't heard of anyway of recovering those lost orgasmic sensations.
female_sexual_satisfaction_2.htm#hyst
Viagra, prescribed by a doctor, may help increase pelvic and genital blood
engorgement, if the surgery impaired pelvic blood flow slightly. This may
help increase genital and vaginal blood flow. Viagra will not work if there
is significant loss of pelvic blood flow, associated with the surgery or
cardiovascular disease.
The removal of your ovaries would also result in surgical menopause, which
could adversely influence your sensitivity to sexual stimulation, and reduce
sexual desire. Given the motive for your surgeries, standard hormone
replacement therapy is likely out. An androgen based hormone replacement
therapy regiment may help with desire and sensitivity, without the same
risks associated with estrogen based regiments. Please see the following
article.
androgens_and_female_sexuality.htm
I can only suggest that you try to locate or develop a replacement erogenous
zone. Keep in mind the fact that your brain is your largest erogenous zone,
so you may need to reinvent your sexual repertoire. What worked 30 years ago
no longer works today. This is a subject addressed in the lengthy article
about the female nervous system.
female_sexual_nervous_system_1.htm
I don't believe the urination exercises are appropriate in your case, because you
don't experience a barrier to orgasm, as you can experience mild orgasms
with a vibrator.
Betty Dodson offers advice on using a vibrator during partnered sex. The
problem may not be the vibrator, but the fact you are perhaps trying to
have the same type of sex you did 30 years ago. Time to think "recreational
sex," not "reproductive sex."
http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/how-use-vibrator-during-partner-sex
Kegel exercises, as well as good general muscle tone, may improve your
orgasms tool.
Sorry that I can't provide a simple and concise answer and solution.
Question: I have little white dots around my clitoris and sometimes they come out if I rub them after a hot bath. I also seem to have something inside my clitoris, like the white dots, but it will not come out yet or perhaps ever. It seems the clitoris has some white pliable substance in it and will only allow a pinpoint out at a time. What could this be?
Answer: It is most likely normal sebum. Please see the article linked to below:
clitoral_adhesions.htm
Question: Hello, I been having sex for about 15 years. Had 5 men in my life which one is my Hubby now... I have NEVER, EVER got aroused ever since I started having sex... I remember when being young I always felt REALY aroused.. I am SICK of going to a Therapist. I been to so many of them.. They say they will give me something to help (like a pill or something), but they never do.. So I will like to know if there anything you know that I can BUY to help me be aroused!!! Is there any pill I should ask my Doc for??? Please, you must know something.. I am very sexual frustrated even though I don't feel a thing... I love sex, porn, toys, and I am very happy with my body, so I don't get it..
Answer: I'm afraid I don't know of any solutions to an absence of sexual arousal, or
impaired arousal. No magic solution has been found for female sexual
dissatisfaction. I've only researched absence of sexual desire, which I have
addressed on the website. Medications like antidepressants can impair
arousal and orgasm, but not necessarily desire. Many women, 35%, have
indicated in a survey, on the website, that sexual arousal is more mental
than physical. As recent additions to the website indicate, it is common for
women be unaware of their level of physical sexual arousal.
Things that would be necessary to know to guess at a cause are:
1) When did you
notice this change, as you indicate you experienced arousal in the past?
2) Does your partner or you observe indications of arousal during sex, i.e.
vaginal lubrication and genital blood engorgement?
3) In the absence of
arousal, how does your sexual frustration manifest itself, physical and/or mentally?
4) If you "love"
sex and sexual activities, in what manner do you define them as positive
experiences, in the absence of arousal?
Question: I have vaginismus and have recently begun dilating. I've had to start small and so far have managed to insert a pen (without the ink in, it was the smallest thing I could find) and the small end of a plastic tampon applicator (I can't fit the actual tampon end in yet).
I'm happy with this progress but each time I insert, during and when I remove it, I leak fluid. At first I thought I was wetting myself but the liquid is clear, odourless and has the consistency of water. It doesn't look or smell like urine. Whenever I dilate I end up with a puddle under me and the pen or tampon applicator are filled with the liquid, last time it even soaked all the way through a thick, doubled over towel that I had put under me and straight through my duvet. I have been going to the toilet before I dilate so I know my bladder is empty. what is this? I have been unable to find out what this is and why it occurs. and more importantly how to stop this.
I only started dilating and visiting a sex therapist because I want to be able to use tampons (as pads always give me a rash) and I need to be examined by a Dr. and right now they're unable to do that. But I do not want to leak every time I try to insert something inside me and remove it. It would be embarrassing in front of a Dr., a partner (if I find one in the future) and would be impractical when trying to use tampons (especially in public). I have searched the website and the internet and so far found nothing helpful. If you know anything that could possibly help or anywhere I can find information I'd be very grateful. Thank you.
Answer: Does the liquid have the consistency of egg whites, if so, it is vaginal
lubrication, perhaps produced as a result of reflex sexual arousal, caused
by the touching of your vulva and vagina.
If it is more watery, I would guess it is sweat.
Explicit photos of what vaginal lubrication looks like, are presented in the
article linked to below.
anatomy_of_vagina_2_2.htm#vfluids
Question: My three year old daughter, often walks around holding her vulva from the outside of her clothes with her hand, and seems to be pre-occupied with it. At first I thought it was just her signal to tell me she had to use the potty. But eventually, I noticed she did this at other times too. I thought she might have an itch or some discomfort there, but apparently, I had her pediatrician check for that sort of stuff, and she is healthy. Last week, she was with me at a swimming pool and in the changing room showers with her swim suit on, I noticed she was holding her vulva while waiting for me to finish showering. And because swim suits cover up less than regular clothing does, I saw more closely what she was actually doing. It seems that what used to just look like her hand resting underneath her vulva, actually was a hand that was slightly rubbing it. I asked her later on why she does this, and she says it just feels good, and that if she doesn't it feels bad. I don't know, is she masturbating? And what should I do about it? She seems to do this for a few minutes constantly every hour. And she doesn't want to stop once she starts. Which means, if supper is ready, and I need her to come to the table, if she's doing it, she won't come till she's done, and I can't distract her. It's also very awkward if we are in public and she always walks with her hand between her legs like that, or if we have company over, noticing this behavior in her.
Answer: I would say the behavior is normal, though from an adult perspective,
perhaps considered by some to be inappropriate at times. I don't know how
best to teach her to only do it at "appropriate times," given her age and
understanding. Is she masturbating, yes, in a broad since. She is doing
something that results in pleasure, pleasure we as adults describe as sexual
pleasure. The information linked to below may be of help.
http://dir.salon.com/story/sex/feature/2001/05/23/like_mom/index.html
qa_index_child.htm
I link to some other websites in the Q&A linked to below:
qa_25.htm#10
I comment on children and privacy toward the end of the main article on
female masturbation.
female_masturbation.htm
Question: I've noticed over the years that there is a piece of skin that is attached to the entrance of my vagina and I was wondering if it was part of my hymen or not. I attached a picture, although it's not of that good a quality.
I was also wondering something about vaginal surgery. I've been looking into it because I fear that my labia are too big and dark compared to the rest of my body. Does the surgery come with any side-effects? How long is the recovery process?
Thank you SO MUCH <3
Answer: I'm not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general
information.
The skin at the entrance to your vagina could be your hymen, in the form of
a "septate hymen," which simply means your hymen has a septum. A septum is a
dividing partition, or wall, between two tissues or cavities. As an example,
the skin dividing the nostrils of your nose is called a "septum."
Here is a link to an illustration of a septate hymen.
hymen2.jpg
That illustration is presented in the article about the hymen.
hymen.htm
The tissue could also be an indication of a longitudinal vaginal septum.
These are mentioned briefly in the article linked to below:
anatomy_of_vagina_2_2.htm#develop
As mentioned and demonstrated in the body image section of the website, it
is common for the inner labia to be large and of a dark color.
body_indx.htm
The subject of labioplasty, surgery to reduce the size of the labia, is
addressed in the Q&A section of the website, and is linked to below:
qa_index_enhancement.htm
I hope this information is of help.
