Question: Not sure if this is the right place...so sorry if it isn't...anyway...I'm a fifteen year old girl and I really like your site. My health teacher directed me here for good information. I just have one question. When I masturbate, lately I have been getting extremely severe headaches that take forever to go away. Until a couple weeks ago this had never happened to me. Can you tell me what's wrong?
Answer: I'm afraid that I don't know the cause of your headaches. Does physical exercise cause the same? This may tell you if it is related to your blood pressure and circulatory system. Are you clenching your teeth, or holding your head and body in an unusual position? Does your menstrual cycle influence the symptoms any? A Google search, linked to below, indicates this isn't an uncommon experience. I can only recommend that you consult your doctor, as they may have to run some tests to evaluate your overall health.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%2Bheadache+%2Bmasturbate+or+masturbation
Question: I have a cut on the inner part of my labia majora. It stings a little and it's kind of itchy. I was wondering if there is any way I can treat it or if I should treat it. It's not very deep, but it's pretty long, but not wide. I'm afraid it might get infected or it might not heal right. When I touch it, a very light amount of blood comes off. I'm not positive how I got it, but I think I got it from not shaving carefully enough. I put a little bit of rubbing alcohol on it with a cotton swab to disinfect it because it is an external cut. Please tell me if there is anything else I should do about it.
Answer: Please see the Q&As linked to below:
qa_1.htm#3
qa_32.htm#9
Question Part 1: Hey, I am 21 years old and my girlfriend is 19.
I really need your help so please reply asap...
Well you see the problem is simply that I can't get my girlfriend to orgasm or cum or whatever you call it..This is not my first relationship and having slept with other girls I understand that I'm good in bed...Maybe they are lying who knows..
But I know for a fact that I have made girls feel good..
With my current girlfriend, we don't actually have intercourse but we make out, touch each other, I don't actually put my whole penis in...but a bit...just enough for the head to go in and play with her clitoris while its in her...but no matter what I do I can never get her to orgasm...if I play with her clitoris with or without lubricant...she gets to a point where its so sensitive that I can't touch her anymore...I've tried giving her oral...but that didn't work either...she says she doesn't like it... We have been together for 3 years now and I really wanna be able to make her orgasm...What do I do...??? She doesn't even want to help out ... As in tell me what she likes, what she doesn't...How do I make her get an orgasm..??? Is it me or is it her...cause my x-girlfriend said I always made her orgasm and we didn't have to intercourse...Please help..This relationship means a lot to me....Thanks...
Answer Part 1: This is a common experience, one unfortunately without a quick and easy answer. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink, and it is equally true that you can lead a woman to orgasm, but you can't make her cum. The woman has to be willing and able, if she is to experience orgasm.
I suggest you both read through the articles linked to below, as she needs to be an active participant in the solution. For starters, you need to know if she can masturbate to orgasm, and if she has ever experienced orgasm during partnered sex.
tips.htm
q_orgasm.htm
mast_indx.htm
outer.htm
anorgasmia.htm
qa_index_arousal.htmQuestion Part 2: Hi. I wrote you an email a week ago and I was happy to see your reply. You might remember me or maybe not. Basically my problem was that I was not able to get her to orgasm. My girlfriend is 19. I forgot to mention that she doesn't masturbate. She says it doesn't feel good or she doesn't like touching her self. I also forgot to mention that she's a virgin. We basically make out ... You know ... touching, rubbing ...e.t.c
The thing is she gets so turned on and I get her so wet and she even tells me stuff like you so know how to touch me...and you can tell when she's lying or not...but she wasn't...but after all that I still don't get her to orgasm. And she always says that she knows I can. When for example I'm on top of her rubbing on her she says that it feels really good, but while I'm on top rubbing myself I feel like I'm about to cum so I move back for a few seconds or stop rubbing for a while so I don't cum and continue rubbing her and she hates it when I stop. Does this effect in any way. If so can you please give me tips on how I'm supposed to hold back myself or prevent myself from cumming. Cause when I rub on her or she rubs on me it feels so good that I cum within 5 minutes..how do I hold my self back. Another thing is my girlfriend keeps getting wet for no reason. This only started happening recently and when I say she gets wet I mean really wet. When she's with me or not. She has to wear a pad every time she wears any underwear, otherwise she would get every underwear wet. Today we went out and for no reason she grabbed my hand and put it between her pants and I could feel her pants were so wet. This is really frustrating her... cause she doesn't like it. Is it normal..and if it why is this happening...Please help me this one last time....I really care about this relationship and I'm not ready to lose her...please reply asap....Thanks a million...waiting for your reply.
Answer Part 2: Please read my article about Outercourse, linked to below. Sounds like she needs to rub against you, perhaps avoiding your penis, thus making your experience of ejaculation, sooner or later in the experience, irrelevant. If she is in control, she can't blame you if she breaks off the stimulation too soon. I'm not a believer in the whole concept of premature ejaculation, as it is too common of an experience to be abnormal, and is actually beneficial in terms of reproductive sex, but not necessarily recreational sex, when extended intercourse is desired. Just don't make your penis the center of your sexual experiences. Use other body parts to fulfill her needs, before or after you ejaculate. Just don't roll over and go to sleep after you ejaculate, if she is sexually unfulfilled; even if you are incapacitated after ejaculation, she can still rub against you to experience her own orgasm.
outer.htm
As far as orgasm, get her a vibrator or muscle massager; this is possibly the quickest and easiest solution. Get a vibrator, or muscle massager, designed for external clitoral stimulation. Your local department store and pharmacy probably have low cost muscle massagers available; an electric toothbrush may also work. At first, have her leave her pants on, and use the vibrator over her cloths, to soften the vibrations. Allow the vibrations to stimulate her, don't use pressure. If the vibrations are too weak, have her wear only her underwear. Don't be afraid to send the vibrator home with her, so she can do some "homework" with it. ;-) She really needs to learn how to masturbate to orgasm, even if you help her to experience her first orgasm. While it may be good for your ego, it isn't beneficial for girls to have to rely on a partner for sexual pleasure and release, as it makes them dependent on their partner to a certain extent, even if the relationship isn't healthy and beneficial.
The wetness is perfectly normal, women report experiencing different amounts of wetness during sexual arousal, with some becoming dripping wet. Understandably, they don't like the experience of wet underwear. This subject is addressed in the survey linked to below.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180801/results
Some of the fluid may not be the result of sexual arousal, as mentioned in the following Q&A, and on the website that is linked to.
qa_8.htm#3
http://www.beautifulcervix.com/
The fear of being too wet, or urinating during sex, can act as a barrier to orgasm, and is addressed in the following article.anorgasmia.htm
I don't recommend the daily use of pads and panty liners to absorb non-menstrual fluids, it would be better for her to keep a change of underwear with her. Ideally, the excess moisture would be able to wick or evaporate away, rather than allowing a warm moist environment to form adjacent to her vulva for an extended period of time, as is the case when a pad is used to absorb this fluid. Thong underwear in particular is very small, allowing her to carry extras with her if necessary.
hygiene.htm
Question: I'm 13 years old, almost 14, and a virgin. I love to masturbate, and one of the ways I do that is to stick 2 or 3 fingers into my vagina and push them in and out. I think I hit my G-Spot because it sort of feels like I have to pee. Is that right; do I hit my G-Spot probably? Is it possible to accidentally stick fingers into your urethra?
My main question is if it's normal for a virgin to be able to stick 3 fingers in. Is it? I've checked and I think my hymen is still pretty much intact, but I'm not sure. Can it be broken only a little bit? The first time I fit 3 fingers in, it was a kind of sore for awhile, but not exactly painful and it didn't bleed. Also, I don't have my period yet...does that matter?
I also masturbate by rubbing directly on my clit; is that bad? Because most people on here say they can only rub around it. I only rub on it for a fairly short time, but I still rub directly on it.
Is putting objects in your vagina dangerous? people mention using cucumbers, but I really don't think that'd fit in mine. What would based on how many fingers I can fit?
A lot of times one of the nipples on my breasts will get hard automatically when I get kind of horny, but the other doesn't; I have to rub it to get it hard. is that normal?
I sometimes daydream or dream about guys. About them touching me, kissing me, and even sometimes them naked. its not all I think about, but I do that about once or twice a day on average...is that normal sexual fantasies?
I concerned about why I haven't stated my period yet. I know many 13 year olds don't have it yet either, but aren't those people normal or late developers? I started developing when I was 9, almost 10 (I was getting pubic hair.) Isn't that sort of early? When I got my 7th grade physical, my doctor told me I'd probably be getting my period soon. That was about ONE YEAR AGO. Is this normal; do I have like a delayed period? Is there something wrong?
Sorry for all the questions!Answer: You could be stimulating your G-Spot, or possibly only your urethra, as both are located in the same area. Please see the following articles for more information on this subject.
ejacula.htm
anorgasmia.htm#urethra
While a possibility, it is extremely unlikely you can insert a finger into your urethra, as they are normally way to small of an opening to permit this, unless you have been stretching it over time. The anatomy of this area of your body is addressed in the article linked to below:
loc_vag.htm
The elasticity of the vaginal passage is also addressed in the article linked to above. Your three fingers are likely smaller than an erect penis, and since you have been experiencing puberty for several years, your body is probably physically prepared for vaginal penetration and intercourse. The hymen is addressed in the following article.
hymen.htm
The subject of delayed menarche, a girl's first menstrual period, is addressed in the following Q&A:
qa_37.htm#6
And the following Google search:
http://www.google.com/search?q=delayed+menarche
Stimulating your clitoral glans directly isn't harmful, many if not most women don't do this because they find their clitoral glans is simply too sensitive, as they experience pain rather than pleasure when they do.
Inserting clean objects that are free of rough or sharp edges into the vagina is not harmful, though using your fingers is perhaps the safest option, but sharp fingernails can scratch and cut the vaginal walls as well. If you can safely insert an object into your mouth, it is most likely safe to insert into your vagina.
Perhaps the shy nipple is slightly or partially inverted, points inward, or has weak muscles, and requires additional coaxing before it comes out of hiding. The information linked to below may help explain things, and offer a solution.
http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/html/flat_inverted.shtml
The subject of sexual fantasies is addressed in the following surveys, and are an extremely common occurrence.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/176341/results
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/177968/results
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/180801/results
I hope this information addresses your questions and concerns.
Question: Hi! I masturbate using the bristles of an electric toothbrush on my clitoris and vaginal opening, how damaging is this? The more pressure I use the better it feels. Have I scared myself or caused nerve damage? I can not orgasm any other way, and barely feel my fingers when I my use my hand to orgasm.
Answer: You aren't the first to mention this masturbation technique, it is mentioned in one of the shared masturbation techniques presented on the website, but it does sound potentially harmful. Depending on the stiffness of the bristles, you are basically using a small scrub brush on your vulva. It is safe to use the toothbrush on your gums, which are a mucous membrane, but I don't know if the same applies to your vulva. If the brush injures the tissues, calluses or scar tissue may develop, reducing the sensitivity of your vulvar tissues.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Callus
Is the brush causing irritation, discomfort, or bleeding? If so, the greater the chances of causing harm.
Have you found your clitoral glans and tried stimulated it with your lubricated fingers, or the body of the electric tooth brush? Do you experience sufficient sexual arousal and desire? Sexual arousal is often required before the genitals are sensitive to sexual stimulation. You are perhaps trying too hard to have an orgasm, under valuing the sexual arousal and pleasure that must precede it, or trying to experience orgasm more quickly than is reasonable or appropriate for you.
The articles linked to below may provide you with information that will help you develop a new method of masturbating to orgasm. You might try using water spray, from the tub faucet or handheld shower head, or a more powerful vibrator; a battery powered Pocket Rocket or electric Hitachi Magic Wand are both powerful vibrators, but the electric tooth brush may not be.
qa_6.htm#4nerves_3.htm
tips.htm
qa_1/qa1_4.htm
loc_vag.htm
The article about Outercourse, which looks at different ways girls learn to masturbate, may also be helpful.
outer.htm
Question: Does lesbian sex still count as sex?
The reason I ask is that I'm trying to waltz around technicalities. You see, I am abstinent. Extremely abstinent. I have been since I learned about sex, because of personal reasons (NOT religious faith, though I am Christian). I'm in many groups, clubs and organizations that teach abstinence to today's youth (in a non-religious way, I must note.)
At the same time, I'm an avid watcher/reader of porn. Straight, gay, bi, hardcore, softcore, animated, the whole deal. Hypocritical, isn't it? (Or maybe just impressive; I immerse myself in sex, and yet am still virgin.)
I also hang out with many gay/bisexual people. My two best friends happen to be a blatantly gay cross-dresser and a big-breasted lesbian pervert.
It is thanks to aforementioned big-breasted lesbian pervert that I am beginning to question my sexuality. She constantly talks about her relationship with her girlfriend. At first, it freaked me out, but then I got used to it, and most recently... I'm getting kinda horny from it.
Second: She has HUGE breast. She's my weight (about 190lbs), but is slightly skinnier than me. A good ¼ of her body weight it from her breasts. She'd size 36E. Frankly, it's kinda hard not to look at them, (seeing as their larger than her face), but lately, I've started PURPOSELY looking at them. They're impressive... and some part of me just wants to touch them.
Recently, I started to have lesbian fantasies. Some with my friend, most not. Usually there's a strap on involves, sometimes not. I suddenly find myself kinda re-living these fantasies when I masturbate. Frankly, I'm... starting to scare myself.
So... while so far I've had a will of steel to not have sex, that was before I started actually WANTING IT. (I detest men, and a wary of them, once again for personal reasons, which is what fueled my abstinence). Now, if theoretically one day I was to loose myself for a moment, throw myself into the arms of my friend and her girlfriend, and yell "Threesome!" would I still be virgin afterwards? Strap-on included or not? Cause, you know, technically I'm not getting penetrated my a real penis, or in some cases, any for that matter. It just...confuses me. It's right up there with "What came first the chicken or the egg?"
So... what do you think?Answer: I'm afraid the definition of a virgin varies from person to person, as mentioned at the start of the article linked to below:
virgin1.htm
Abstinence implies abstaining from all sex, perhaps even masturbation. While there is no risk of pregnancy during girl/girl sex, there is still a risk of STD transmission, which abstinence seeks to avoid as well as pregnancy.
Some of your concerns and experiences are addressed in the article about Sexual Orientation.
orientation.htm
One of the challenges often overlooked with the abstinence only teachings is addressed in the article linked to below, i.e. the power of sexual desire, which you now find yourself challenged by.
managed_risk.htm
Question: I'm 23 year old virgin. I had some questions about the hymen that my doctor never seems to answer. Since I could remember, I've also had pain when anything was inserted into the vagina, including regular tampons. I've been wearing tampons for years and it still hurts sometimes. I recently bought a vibrator to help aide when I actually have sex and it hurts too much, and I definitely bled the expected amout after 'breaking' the hymen. Yet when I look down at my vagina it looks really weird, which led me to your web page. One of the hymen pictures displayed on your site is practically what mine looks like (the picture of considerable hymeneal tissue). Why was I so blessed with this hymen? I guess my question is what I should do to prevent me being in pain every time I have sex (and using a vibrator/dildo). Keep working it out with a smaller dildo first? I really appreciate the help!
Answer: Please see the information in the article linked to below, if it doesn't address your concerns please let me know.
loc_vag.htm
Question: I really enjoy your website; it has taught me more about my sexuality and body than any sex speech of my mother's. I have a couple of questions, though... First, it must be said that I'm terrified of being pregnant. Due to previous cataracts and almost-glaucoma, the pressure of childbirth could cause my retina to detach, therefore making me blind. I don't even think I'd make a decent parent. Ever. I don't want to have to deprive my partner of sexual pleasure, but I still can't get birth control pills from my GYN. What can I do to prevent pregnancy without depriving my partner (and myself) of pleasure? Also, I'm concerned about virginity and masturbation. I was raised Southern Baptist, and I think we believe that any form of sex before marriage (oral, mutual masturbation, intercourse, etc.) takes away your virginity. It has come to my attention, though, that you have to have your body prepared and have had "sex" before intercourse with your partner. Once again, I don't want to take away from our honeymoon night pleasure, and I'd probably be too shy to admit that we needed to "try" before intercourse, to be prepared. What do you think of this? Personally, I believe vaginal penetration, actual intercourse, is the true decider of virginity, so I plan to prepare my partner and I with other forms of sex before honeymoon night intercourse, as tradition. On the subject of masturbation, does that make you any less of a virgin, having penetrated yourself? I'm really confused. I would greatly appreciate some light being shed on these subjects, if it's not too much to ask?
Answer: The definition of who is a virgin depends on your perspective, and as a result there are many different definitions. This is a subject addressed at the beginning of the article linked to below.
virgin1.htm
There are many different sexual activities that you can engage in without engaging in vaginal intercourse, as mentioned on the website linked to below.
http://www.birth-control-comparison.info/sex_without_risk.htm
Which is mentioned in my article titled Managed Risk:
managed_risk.htm
An alternative to manual and oral genital stimulation is Outercourse:
outer.htm
Question: I am 16 and I have had many sexual encounters but I have never been able to handle masturbation and only get horny if I have a full bladder.
When I rub my clit I feel no pleasure and if someone else does it, it makes my legs shake and I have to get them to stop because I cant handle it, it doesn't feel nice, slow, fast, soft or hard. I want to be able to handle it and for it to feel good because when I'm on my own I can't do anything to satisfy myself.
And also, why do I only get horny when I need a pee?Answer: The experience of sexual arousal may cause sexual desire, or sexual desire may cause sexual arousal. In any event, sexual arousal and desire motivate you to have sex. Sexual desire is addressed in the article linked to below:
desire.htm
Many women report they experience a sexual response, or heightened sexual pleasure, when their bladder is full, but to the best of my knowledge we don't know exactly why. When your bladder is full, it may place pressure on nerves in the area, your thoughts may focus on your genital region, and contracting your pelvic muscles to retain the urine may also stimulate the area. As mentioned in the article linked to below, your urethra is an integral part of your sexual and reproductive organs, meaning sex and urination are linked at some level, or more than one level. Something that has only been acknowledged recently is the fact that women also have a functional prostate gland, which may be influenced and stimulated by a full and distended bladder.anorgasmia.htm
Since you don't know how to masturbate to orgasm, and as a result how your body responds to sexual stimulation, you don't know how to physically and mentally process the sensations caused by your partner's actions. It is all foreign to you, and as a result, potentially overwhelming. Others report the same experience, and I believe some or many of them also didn't know how their body responds to sexual stimulation, i.e. they didn't know how to stimulate themselves to orgasm. You may expect your body to respond to sexual stimulation differently than it actually does, causing conflict. You may also be fearful of surrendering control during partnered sex. There is no quick answer to this situation. I can only recommend your read through the questions submitted by your peers, and consider my advise to them.
qa_index_puberty.htm
Question: Hello, I have a question about something odd that happens to me on occasion.
For as long as I can remember, whenever I had a sexual dream that particularly aroused me, my body would do something that I could feel even in my sleep. It felt like my vaginal muscles were squeezing very intensely, and my clitoris would throb. Even in my sleep, it would feel very good. Before recently, it had only happened once when I was awake, and that particular time I hadn't been doing or thinking of anything sexual. For a long time I thought that I was having an orgasm, until I actually had one and realized that during orgasm, it not only feels different but I ejaculate every time as well.
In the past month and a half, twice when I was masturbating I experienced this. Once I still don't know why it happened, I wasn't any more aroused than usual, but it made the masturbation feel amazing. The other time I was particularly arouse - I was trying to stealthily masturbate while my roommate was in the room, and experienced it when the vibrator got a little too loud.
My question is, have you ever heard of something like this? I love the way it feels and would like to have it happen more, but I'm not sure how. Any information you can offer me? Thank you.Answer: I don't recall anyone reporting a similar experience, but I don't find yours to be surprising.
At night while dreaming, your sexual responses are likely the result of innate sexual desire, which is caused by increased hormone levels. Your body is telling you to seek out sex, while preparing your mind and body for that sex. At the same time, you likely feel safe and secure in bed, relaxed, and there are no external distractions. Your responses are also not restricted by conscious thought and inhibition. The increased sexual desire triggers the sexual arousal, which not only affects your body, but also your brain, and the environment allows you to be undistracted from your physical responses. The sexual theme of the dream indicates your brain is also sexually aroused and willing. In your dreams, even if you don't recall them, you are likely much more free to be a sexual person, with no potential negative repercussions.
Direct genital stimulation can result in reflex sexual arousal that doesn't require the participation of the brain, at least actively. You can consciously decide to masturbate or engage in partnered sex, stimulate your vulva and vagina and experience sexual arousal, but your brain doesn't necessarily need to facilitate that arousal, or actively be a part of it. This is something I mention in my article about the female sexual nervous system. The building blocks of sexual arousal are in place, but not necessarily all connected and working together. During your wet dreams, your brain is pretty much controlling everything, and all the different parts are working together, as demonstrated by the genital sensations and perceptions; the physical responses most likely aren't imagined, which a check with your fingers would confirm. You need to consider whether your brain and body are working together during your conscious sexual activities, or simply going through the process in a mechanical, and less holistic manner. Using a vibrator, while very effective and efficient, may somewhat force arousal and orgasm to occur.
During sexual arousal, 72% of women report they experience a vaginal ache, i.e. muscular tension, and 86% are aware of a change in their clitoris, with 53% experiencing pulsing or throbbing. It appears that only during an absence of external distraction do you experience this, with one or two exceptions. In one case, the fear of "being caught," not to mention masturbating when you intentionally risked being caught, would tend to arouse you even more. I mention on the website that scary movies seem to facilitate female sexual arousal more so than romantic movies, because of the changes in the body caused by fear and physical stress. The environment of risk may have facilitated greater sexual arousal, even in the absence of increased innate sexual desire. Basically, the non-sexual fear of being caught may facilitate sexual arousal. Your subconscious mind may be more able to facilitate, through your autonomic nervous system, the type of arousal you seek to experience.
Your motive to masturbate at the time would provide some indication of whether you experienced greater sexual arousal because of sexual desire or risk. Why did you masturbate, because you were already sexual aroused and desirous, to help you relax and fall asleep, or a conscious desire to "risk it." If your motive wasn't sexual, then the increased arousal was the result of risk. If you were first highly desirous of sex and orgasm, then that would have potentially decreased the perception of risk, until the loud buzzing brought the risk to the forefront.
Only recently have you learned how to experience orgasm, which likely means you experienced some form of sexual inhibition during childhood and adolescence. This inhibition may still play some part in your sexual experiences. You might consider why you didn't discover orgasm at a younger age. Were you simply not sexual, or did you suppress your sexuality, and if so why. Are you less sexually inhibited when sleeping?
My advice is to explore relaxation in an area free of distraction; this might be difficult in dorm environment. Try to determine if you are experiencing stress, and if so ways of reducing or eliminating it. The muscular tension and clitoral throbbing you desire may require good pelvic muscle tone, so consider exploring and practicing Kegel exercises on a regular basis. When in the relaxing and distraction free environment, explore sexual fantasy, or watch erotica or porn, to see how sexually aroused you can become, in the absence of physical stimulation. You want to learn how to mentally arouse and tease yourself. You may want to set an entire day aside to pamper and mentally tease yourself. Contrary to what the media often indicates, it may take a considerable amount of time for women to become highly sexually aroused, especially if their level of innate sexual desire is low.
Keeping a menstrual calendar that also records a history of your sexual desire and activities, including the wet dreams, may help you determine when you are most desirous of sex, and when you are more likely to experience an increased level of sexual desire and arousal. If your mind and body aren't "in the mood" for sex, you may experience greater difficulty experiencing arousal and orgasm, and you may even find it impossible.
Keep in mind the fact that the experiences you seek to recreate occur most often while you sleep, and there is no physical stimulation at that time. This is the environment you want to recreate; you probably don't want to try to bring it about through masturbation, which may be the reverse order in which they must actually occur. The mental experience likely needs to precede the physical. To often, we try to force sexual events to occur, which result in them being less likely to occur. Explore sexual arousal rather than orgasm. Sexual arousal may also result in sexual desire, but you may want to hold off on fulfilling that desire until your level of arousal is maxed out.
If your autonomic nervous system needs to facilitate the type of you arousal you desire, the information in the Q&As linked to below may be of help.
qa_24.htm#7
qa_24.htm#8
My article about the female nervous system is linked to below:
nerves_1.htm