Question: I am a 46 yr. old woman with everything still intact. I use a vibrator to achieve orgasm mainly because my husband of 21 yrs has always been a premature ejaculator. In the last many months I have noticed something going on in my vulva area. It seems very over stimulated to the point that I can't stop the muscles from pulsing or contacting if you will. If I concentrate on stopping the spasms they stop for a brief moment. My husband has noticed I may be a little swollen, and it causes the slightest irritation from what seems like rubbing on clothes and such. It is better in the morning when I first wake up, worse later in the day. I also have increased wetness, and it seems my urinary flow has become stop and go. I have seen two Drs. and both have said that everything looks normal, no infection, no UTI, but one said it may be due to nerve and tissue damage due to the vibrating movement of the vibrator. She is conferring with other Dr's at the moment as to the possibilities of this, but my sexual desire has increased, not decreased with this condition, although it is starting to be annoying and destructive to my well being. I also do NOT want to give up the vibrator. I am sort of stuck in high gear and need to come down a bit. Have you any knowledge of any conditions of this sort? Thanks

Answer: Unless you are using a jackhammer as a vibrator, I doubt very much your vibrator is the cause of your problem. There are women who have been using a vibrator for longer periods of time than twenty-one years and they have not experienced any ill effects. Going without orgasm can lead to medical problems on the other hand.

I must ask; doesn't your husband's hands and mouth work? Even if he lasted an hour, you still probably would not experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse. His reaching orgasm so soon only becomes a problem if he neglects your sexual needs.

It sounds like your problem may have to do with your pelvic muscles. They are either in spasm or have lost their muscles tone. Slip a finger into your vagina and/or anus and see if you can feel your pelvic muscles pulsing. If they are, then they are likely the cause of your problem.

The solution then may be Kegel exercises and use. Use your fingers to massage your vagina and perhaps your anus; they both share the same pelvic muscles. If orgasm causes pain or discomfort the muscles may be too tight, in spasm, and you need to learn to relax then. You do this by doing Kegels, but concentrate on relaxing after tightening, versus the other way around. You can also stretch the muscles slowly by inserting more fingers or larger objects into the vagina and/or anus. Do this using lots of lubrication and care.

Take your time and use a mirror when you do the above. Get in touch with your vulva and vagina.

There are many women who experience an increased sex drive later in life versus when they are younger. This is because of their ever-changing hormone levels. Perhaps your testosterone is not being suppressed as much by your estrogen, since its level is likely decreasing. Not to sound insensitive, but doesn't feeling sexual feel good? Perhaps you need to relax and enjoy it. Maybe you are just too tense all over and it is centering on your vulva.