Question: I have read your section in Orgasm: Did She? and I'm still finding myself unsure if I have experienced orgasm. When I use my vibrator it doesn't take very long for me to experience this sensation that feels like a wave through my entire body and my feet sometimes tingle and it makes my body jerk and I can feel contractions but I can only stand it for about 30 seconds and then I have to stop. Then I can't start again for a minute because it becomes really sensitive, so I just work slow again and then poof the feeling is back, I only work my clit, but it feels really good. Is this a possible orgasm or am I just not doing it right?

P.S. You had said there was a rule that if you have never experienced orgasm either by yourself or with your partner then you should not engage in intercourse, why is that?

Answer: Based on what you describe it sounds like you are experiencing orgasm, extended orgasms that last more than a few seconds. The increased sensitivity is a common experience after orgasm. Staying relaxed and breathing deeply may increase the length of your orgasms and decrease the sensitivity. After orgasm move the vibrator away from your clitoris but continue to provide indirect stimulation by placing the vibrator against your outer labia or pubic mound, cupping your vulva with one hand and placing the vibrator over that, or covering your vulva with a small folded towel to decrease the intensity of the stimulation. Be sure to breath, so moan, talk to yourself, or hum to ensure air is leaving your lungs. You may want to explore using your fingers to stimulate yourself to orgasm, as the buildup would likely be slower and the orgasm more distinct, but shorter lived.

Orgasm is much less likely to be experienced doing intercourse than during activities that include direct clitoral stimulation. Only about 25% of women experience orgasm on a regular basis during intercourse. It is not a sexual activity that is likely to result in orgasm for women who have never experienced orgasm. Her partner may experience orgasm resulting in frustration and resentment on her part. If a woman enjoys intercourse and doesn't fake orgasm intercourse is okay, but still not recommended. Women often need to learn to masturbate to orgasm prior to experiencing orgasm with a partner, and couples are often advised that they should not engage in partnered sex until she does. A woman needs to listen to her own body and needs and not be distracted by her partner, or her partner's wants and wishes. If a woman has never experienced orgasm both she and her partner need to learn new skills, not rely on ones known not to work.

You may want to read the following page for women who have not experienced orgasm:

tips.htm

Question: Please help me. I've read the stuff on the Internet, and my partner has been with women who squirted. That fact that he has been with those women and I know he really finds it a turn-on (he also watches porn with that famous super squirter girl) makes me feel so sexually incompetent. I think our sex is good, really the best I've ever had (I'm 27 now and he's 31), but whenever I have an orgasm and don't squirt, I feel disappointed. The time before last, I almost cried when I didn't because I was trying so hard. I also cried when I tried in the bathtub following what I think are your suggestions about trying in a bathtub and maybe learning how to pee while cumming, as it's all part of letting go. I feel like I must be sexually repressed or something, and hearing how everyone says it's so great and it's the most intense thing and what not, not only do I feel like I must be a sexual prude because I'm not doing it, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot. Like I can't even have sex right, can't even masturbate correctly.

Please help me. I will tell you the method that I've tried alone and that he's tried with me. When I'm alone, I used a vibrator that is curved up. It takes me such a long time to orgasm through just G-Spot stimulation that my wrist starts to hurt if I just use my fingers. When I am with him, he uses his fingers with palm up against my G-Spot in the "come-hither" manner. Sometimes he does it quite hard, but that's what I read is necessary for good G-spot stimulation. I do get the sensation that I'm about to pee. He tells me that at this point I should sort of push out/down shortly before I feel like I'm going to cum (my natural inclination is to squeeze on the thing inside me; I actually think squeezing makes it feel better, like I can feel a stronger contraction. but anyway.) So I try pushing out and down. I've both left the vibrator in me and taken it out when I thought I was about to cum. And while I do feel that urge to pee while I'm stimulating my spot, nothing ever comes out. I'm pushing out (as if I were trying to pee) so hard, it's actually a strain. It's difficult to maintain that kind of pushing, and if I'm doing it really hard, every 10 seconds or so I have to stop pushing just to take a breath. Just relaxing and doing it the way I've been doing it all my life doesn't work either, obviously.

I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid. And I feel like I'm not as much of a woman because I don't do it. I don't want to think of myself as repressed and missing out on sex's pleasure, but ever since I've started reading about it (and I've read a lot because I've been obsessed with it over the past 3-4 months or so), that's how I feel. Next time, we will try getting me drunk because he says I'm not relaxed enough (see how uptight and prudish I am?) and see if that works, but I would really appreciate some help.

Signed,
Desperate to Squirt

Answer: I don't believe your experience is all that uncommon. About 40% [3rd Question Down] of women in one of the surveys on the website state they do not experience female ejaculation while masturbating but would like to.

Please keep in mind that most of the mainstream porn stars are urinating not ejaculating. They are putting on a show to fulfill people's fantasies, and to make money.

While we know all women have the anatomy necessary for ejaculation to occur we don't know if all women have the ability. Too much is still unknown. You and your partner may be expecting too much, trying too hard, and are finding frustration rather than pleasure. Things tend to get worse when you progress down this path.

Deborah Sundahl mentions in her book the need for the right mental attitude, good pelvic muscle strength, and knowledge of your menstrual cycle prior to learning to ejaculate. She also mentions this is often a solo journey for women.

I am afraid I can only recommend that you read her book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot to learn the details, as she presents more information than I can summarize here. While I sell her book, you also can get it through Amazon.com. Her videos may be of help too, to see true female ejaculation, not porn.

I would following your own instincts in regard to the desire to squeezing rather than the instructed pushing. You want to squeeze the fluid from your paraurethral glands, and bearing down may only contract your pelvic muscles and put pressure on your bladder.

Question: I'm really worried about something... Is is true that if you have sex in a pool and sperm gets in the water it can survive? What about when sperm hits air? How long does it survive? Is there any way I can get pregnant if it's not right in me when he comes?

Sorry I sound so clueless I just hear so many different things and I really need to know for sure.

Answer: Sperm are relatively fragile and don't survive for long when exposed to air and water, but if they come in contact with your inner thigh, vulva, or vagina you can become pregnant. They will survive longer at body temperature and in warm moist environments like your vulva, vagina, and uterus. The chlorine in pool water and the heat of hot tubs should kill sperm very quickly.

You should know that sperm are present in the clear fluid that seeps from a guy's penis when he has an erection, prior to ejaculation. So penetration and ejaculation are not required for you to become pregnant. We generally do not acknowledge how easy getting pregnant can be.

This question is also addressed several times in the Q&A section, under Birth Control and Pregnancy.

Question: I'm still a virgin, but I wanted to know if it would be okay for me to use my friend's birth control for me? Because her mom will get it for her, and I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to tell my mom I might be thinking about having sex. So if she gets it for "herself" but really gives it to me, will it still work on me? Or is there any way I could get birth control without telling my parents?

Answer: What if your friend decides she wants to have sex next month and needs the birth control? Plus, her mother is going to presume she is on birth control, what if she becomes pregnant because you are using her prescription? A prescription is required because a doctor needs to determine if the Pill is appropriate for you, and there are potential side effects that must be considered. All forms of prescription birth control must be selected and/or fitted to to the individual. Diaphragms must be fit to the size of the individual woman's cervix.

Check your local phone book for a Planned Parenthood office or public health facility. They may be able to help you get birth control. You can also search the web.

You may want to read the pages on virginity linked to below before exploring intercourse:

virgin1.htm

Question: I've learned so much from your website, but I have a question that wasn't answered anywhere on it.

I'm 18 years old, and my boyfriend and I have recently began experimenting sexually together. Neither of us really know what we're doing, but we're very close and comfortable with each other and willing to wander blindly together to figure this out. He's incredibly sweet, and the first time we tried anything past just making out he tried to make it all about me and my pleasure rather than just his own.

I've been attempting to masturbate for a couple of years now, but it's never worked. I've never been able to make the sensations last very long, much less have an orgasm, though I've tried stimulating my clitoris, vulva, and vagina as well as using fantasies and erotica. He knows this, and was trying to stimulate me enough to have an orgasm, since I'd never felt it before and he wanted to be able to give me that. I wanted it, too, but was less convinced than him that it was even possible, since I could never stimulate it in myself.

He tried fingering me, after we'd been making out and he'd spent quite a bit of time exploring my breasts (which was amazing). It hurt a bit when he tried to use more than one finger inside me and I didn't feel anything when he rubbed my clitoris. Also, there was a little bit of blood after we stopped. After a while, I felt a tingly, pins-and-needles sensation in my genital area, but nothing else. Was that an orgasm? If not, what were we doing wrong?

Also, how do I convince him that I want to explore his body as much as he wants to explore mine? I appreciate how much attention he pays to my pleasure, but I want him to enjoy himself, too.

Answer: This is a difficult topic to address. You are not alone in your experience but providing an answer is very challenging. Please see the pages linked to below:

qa_7/qa7_8.htm

qa_8/qa8_16.htm

tips.htm

Ensure you clitoris is not hidden by the surrounding tissue, see page linked to below:

adhesio.htm

Some women do not have a sensitive clitoris but enjoy vaginal stimulation:

ejacula.htm

Others like anal stimulation:

anal.htm

You might consider trying a vibrator, as they are used by some women to help them learn how to experience orgasm. They provide strong sustained stimulation, something fingers and tongues simply can't do. Once you learn how to experience orgasm using a vibrator you can try experiencing orgasm with other techniques. Some women require the use of a vibrator if they are to experience orgasm, it is the only thing that works.

To get your boyfriend to allow you to explore his body you might suggest that you give him a full body massage with lotion or oil. If he insists on being in charge you might see if he will allow you to tie his hands so he has to allow you to explore. You may need to convince him that physical pleasure is not the only thing of importance to women, they need the mental aspects too. Many young men mistakenly believe they must be in charge of the sexual activity, and if their partner does not experience orgasm it reflects poorly on them.

Keep in mind that some prescription medications and birth control suppress desire, arousal, and orgasm.

Learning how to experience orgasm is usually a solo journey for women. If you are not able to figure out how your body works it isn't likely that your partner will either. You usually have to figure things out and then show them. Their wants, needs, and expectation usually become a hindrance rather than a benefit. They need to be a supportive partner who isn't active in the process.

Question: I have a couple questions:

What you think the best age is for a girl to start having sex (I'm 14)?

My second question is when I go to put my finger or a tampon into my vagina there is one hole that seems to separate into two going different ways. Is this normal? What does it mean?

Also, I seem to have a lot of moisture and my underwear gets kind of wet is there something that I can do about this?

Thank you for your time.

Answer: I recommend girls wait to explore sex with a partner until they are sure they are ready. There is no set age, it depends on the individual. You can't wait too long but you can do it too soon. I recommend that teens not engage in intercourse until they have completed school, including college if they attend. The reason being, the associated risks often do not outweigh the benefits. This subject is addressed in detail on the pages about virginity linked to below:

virgin1.htm

Other teens have written in with similar questions about the shape of their vaginal opening(s). The hymen can have more than one opening, and is located at the entrance to the vagina, not inside of it. You can learn more about the hymen on the page linked to below:

hymen.htm

Here are a couple more web pages with examples of the hymen:

Evaluating the Child for Sexual Abuse

http://www.healthystrokes.com/hymengallery.html

The urethral opening is located directly above the vaginal opening and while not usually large enough to permit a finger to be inserted, it can be confused with the vaginal opening. It is possible to have a vagina that is divided by a septum, like the septum of your nose, but this probably not the case.

The moisture that is wetting your underwear is normal. It is a subject that is addressed on the page about hygiene linked to below:

hygiene.htm

Question: I'm 17 yrs old and I have a very small bump on my mound (it's located close to where the lips start) which was like an insect bite or something and was itchy. I scratched it a little bit but it didn't really bother me much after that. Every now and then I would feel it to see if it was still there. While I was sitting down, I guess something rubbed against it and it hurt. I checked it again and it was hard...like there was a bump inside. I squeezed it and what looked like pus came out. By doing that it didn't hurt as much anymore but then the liquid was Creamy and yellowish to clear and watery, but at that point the amount coming out became less and less. Is this something to worry about? I had a similar hard bump like this a long time ago but no pus came out but was on the opposite side. That one was there for awhile but it disappeared.

Another question is, is it normal to have a period 15 days after my last one? I had sex for the first time and it was unprotected (we used withdrawal) so I went and got the day after pill. I started bleeding six days after. It was somewhat heavy for the first two days, the third day it was very light and right now I'm on the fourth but there's no blood at all but when I wipe there's some mucus-like brown discharge from it (but not a lot at all)...I'm guessing that this is the blood that remained inside my vagina? I read this could be withdrawal bleeding. What's that mean?? And is there still any possibility that I could be pregnant although I bled and took the pill (which was a day and a half after intercourse)? I haven't had sex since and I haven't taken any other form of birth control either. Could all this be happening from the hormone changes of the pill? And should this be considered my "period"? Should I be worried??

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

The bump you describe is similar to those described by others. It is probably an ingrown hair or plugged oil gland. Kind of like a pimple that may form elsewhere on your body. Your body was trying to expel whatever was trapped. By draining it you may have removed the foreign material. If you shave this area ingrown hairs are more likely, but they may occur even if you don't. Oil glands can become plugged for numerous reasons. If an infection develops, as indicated by redness, pain, and swelling please consult a doctor. Care of your vulva is addressed on the page about hygiene linked to below:

hygiene.htm

The question about your short menstrual cycle is not one I can answer. It may have been a true menstrual cycle or breakthrough bleeding caused by the hormonal fluctuations. You will need to ask the doctor who prescribed the morning after pill if this is normal. It sounds like the pill would mess with your cycle a bit. I doubt you are pregnant. Here is a link to information on breakthrough bleeding:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakthrough_bleeding

The withdrawal method of birth control is "very infective" at preventing pregnancy, only about 60% effective in preventing conception. The guy does not need to ejaculate for there to be sperm present, as the clear fluid that lubricates the penis during sexual arousal may contain sperm. If sperm comes in contact with your vagina, vulva, or inner thighs pregnancy is possible. Getting pregnant is very easy and no form of birth control is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Question: Hello! I'm 13 years old and I just wanted to say two things. The first is, thank you so much for making your website! It has helped me so much! I just began to experience uncontrollable feelings of arousal, and I've been "horny" a lot, especially when I'm home alone. One day I started looking at porn. It made me horny, a feeling I'd never experienced. I decided to try to masturbate, but it hurt. So I used my mom's K-Y lubricant and it still was painful. A few months later, I was trying to find information about masturbation on Google when I found your site. It was just the thing I needed. I read the information about the woman's body and, although this sounds stupid, it made me feel proud to be a girl and have a vagina. So after reading the women's accounts of their masturbation techniques, I felt like I could try again. I decided to use a showerhead to start out because it sounded interesting. I got naked and went into the shower. I slowly made the showerhead's spraying level harder and harder, and I experienced something wonderful. My legs and pelvis started to shake as the water beat down on my vulva. It felt so good, I did something I thought was really corny - I started moaning and making strange noises I'd never made before! I had the most amazing feeling - probably an orgasm! After a while I decided to stop because I finally felt satisfied sexually for the first time in months. I felt wonderful, lighter somehow after. Then, since I felt more open with myself, I looked in the mirror at my vulva. I saw this creamy white fluid coming out of my vagina. I looked it up on your website, and it was cum. I felt so satisfied that I had figured out this skill that seemed like a cool secret that all women have, and I was just let in on it. I then I decided I'm going to respect my sexual feelings and only masturbate once in a while. Then I found the link for Teenwire, Planned Parenthood's website, and registered an account. It helps a lot too. So, thank you SO much! One quick question, I really don't want to look at porn anymore, but sometimes it's soooo tempting! Do you have any suggestions on how to stop? I know this isn't really the kind of question you usually answer, but I asked anyways... =) Anyways, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I feel so relieved and all of my sexual tension is gone. THANKS!!!!!! =) If you could write back that would be great but you don't have to! =)

Answer: I am extremely delighted to hear my website has helped you to discover your sexuality and to help you feel good about being a young woman. Learning this now will only help you in the future. Many girls do not find the answers to their questions, or get the wrong answers.

While you probably should not be looking at porn because of your age, I am sure many girls your age and younger do, those who have internet access. It is certainly less harmful than exploring sex with a partner, and risking the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease. Keep in mind there can be a big world of difference between fantasy, porn, and reality, real sex. It can be hard to find examples of real every day sex, though my website provides some. While the Internet provides easy access to an enormous amount of erotic material girls have always sneaked peaks at their father's girly magazines, or their mother's romance novels that are full of erotic material. In the absence of erotica or porn their mind was capable of creating a lot of sexual or romantic fantasies to get them sexually aroused or help them to experience orgasm. As long as you do not prefer to look at porn rather than hang out with your friends and family I would not worry about it. Try to mix it up with your own fantasies though. The more you try to fight your desires and curiosity the harder it will be to control it it. We tend to crave the forbidden.

Question: I want to eat my best friend out so bad, but I don't know how to tell her I want to do it! We aren't lesbians at all, but she just doesn't know how bad I want to do it, or how great I will make her feel!

Answer: You probably need to find out her feelings about lesbian and bi-sexual girls first. You could tell her you heard two girls at school were seen kissing to see how she reacts. You could ask her how she feels about famous lesbians shown on TV, like Ellen DeGeneres. In some peer groups bi-sexuality was/is openly accepted, and it is simply something the girls do, its no big deal. At times there may even be peer pressure that requires or motivates girls to explore their bisexuality.

You can start out by getting her alone and asking if you can kiss her and go from there. You could have a sleep over, suggest you shower or sleep together, or give each other back rubs. Intimacy between girls is more accepted than between boys so a kiss or a shower together doesn't mean she is ready for oral sex. You can mention you are curious to explore oral sex with another girl without say you have her in mind. You can throw caution to the wind and simply tell her you want to make love to her.

Based on the surveys on my website it is very common for girls to do a little exploring with their girlfriends, but touching of the vulva and oral sex is sometimes a line not crossed. It is kind of like it is okay to do this but not that. I have read that some lesbian teens had no trouble seducing their straight friends and getting them into bed, but I don't know how true that is.

You have to decide whether the benefits are worth the risks. This would be true even if you had a crush on a male friend. Is her friendship worth more than the experience of exploring oral sex with her? There are greater risks because of social mores about lesbianism and bi-sexuality. Not only may she turn you down but she may out you in an unflattering way. You have to consider the possibility your desires could become public knowledge. If you don't care or are proud of your feelings then this is less of a problem.

There is nothing wrong with your feelings and desires and many teens share them. Regardless of whether you are motivated by curiosity or sexual desire there is nothing wrong or unusual about how you feel, and some of your peers likely feel the same way.

She will only enjoy cunnilingus if she is able to relax and is truly open to the idea and experience. You also have to provide the appropriate type of stimulation. Like all sexual activities, cunnilingus takes time and practice to master. You may be a natural, but I wouldn't count on it, and she may need time to learn to enjoy this type of stimulation. She may be concerned about her scent and taste, as many women are in the beginning. She may enjoy it even if she doesn't experience orgasm.

Question: I had my clitoris pierced a while ago. My friend did it, and I took it out within a couple of days. I was stupid for not using sterile needles nor getting it down my a professional. After a year I'm starting to get this burning feeling in my vagina, and especially around my clit. Now first I was check out, for STD's, but that was not the case. I'm young and scared and have no idea what to do. I know I need to find a doctor quick and I know I can't let my parents know. What should I do?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

Most piercings of the clitoris involve only the clitoral hood and not the clitoris itself. If this is true in your case then there would only have been minor soft tissue damage that would not have lasting affects. It would be no different than a doctor sticking a needle in your arm. Skin is skin, no matter where it is on your body. If you pierced your clitoral glans then there is a slightly greater chance of injury, but it would have been evident then, not a year later. If you did not develop an infection then, once the wound has healed then there would be no risk of infection. The body generally heals very well and rapidly, especially given the vulva has such a good blood supply. Minor injuries during sex and masturbation are not unusual and the body fully recovers.

What you describe sounds more like a yeast infection or some other form of irritation. Please see the pages about Hygiene and Vaginitis linked to below to learn more about these subjects.

hygiene.htm

vaginitis.htm