Question: I need your help. I am having something I have never experienced before. Just below my clitoris and above my urethra, I am red. The area feels hot and scratchy. Feel almost like a rug burn. I also get a prickly sensation that comes and goes? It is very uncomfortable and my doctor does not seem like he know what it is... I am 51 years young
and I had a hysterectomy years ago. I do not use estrogen regularly.Answer: I am afraid that I don't know the cause for you experience. Estrogen and testosterone deficiencies are a possibility, given your age and medical history.
The information provided in the Q&A linked to below may be of help, specifically in her Email #3.
qa_2/qa2_18.htm
Relevant information:
hormones.htm
androgens.htm
andro_ab.htm
I would discuss with your doctor the possibility of applying a topical estrogen and/or low dose testosterone cream to your vulva in the affected area. If nothing else seems to work, you would have nothing to lose.
Question: When I was about 7 and my younger sister was 6 we used to touch each other, she didn't force me and I didn't force her, there was no kissing/cuddling or even pleasure just touching each other's vulva. I'm 15 now and I feel very ashamed that we did it. Recently my younger sister has been going through a bad patch, smoking, stealing, lying, walking out of school and having underage sex. People have started to question whether something traumatic has happened to her when she was a child. My sister and I have grown apart so it is difficult to talk to her about it now. Could she be misbehaving because she's angry about what we did? My parents have arranged for my younger sister to see a councilor, could we get in trouble for what we did? I want to be a doctor when I'm older, if other people find out could this have an effect my life? Is what we did wrong? Could it be considered as rape as she was younger than me? I'm so confused.
Answer: The activities you engaged in with your sister aren't abnormal or uncommon, just not openly discussed, because others share your guilt and possible confusion. As a child, I witnessed sisters playing house and having a look at each other's vulva, on a couple different occasions, and sometimes brothers and sisters. At least to me, what you did together classifies as consensual exploration that simply fulfilled mutual curiosity about your bodies, and does not constitute overt sexual activity. You were simply exploring the world around you. Please see the Q&A linked to below, and read through the articles it links to.
qa_26.htm#1
There are many potential reasons why your sister is acting as she does, and sexual abuse, not consensual exploration, is only one possibility. She, like you, may experience quilt, not knowing other girls and sisters engage in these same activities. She may also be confused about her sexual orientation, especially if she found these activities pleasurable, or simply because she participated in them with another girl.If your sister is experiencing guilt or confusion as a result of these activities it isn't the direct result of what you mutually consented to, but rather what others have taught you since. You aren't responsible, as the slightly older sister, for negative feelings she may now have about these activities.
In a survey on this website, 4% of women report they have engaged in a consensual sexual activity with a female sibling. That is 1 out of 25 women. Many may not consider what you and your sister did together as a form of sexual activity, and the percentage of sisters who have engaged the same or similar activities is likely higher.
The survey linked to below indirectly looks at this subject as well.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/315895/results
Question: At what age, at the earliest, can a female start experiencing sexual urges from the clitoris?
Also, even when are not you have nothing to do with sexual activity or any relations of it, why can urges appear anyway?Answer: The clitoris is strictly a sensory organ that is sensitive to external stimulation, and chemical and hormonal changes within the body. It does not cause sexual desire, rather it may make a woman aware of her desire, as a result of the changes in it caused by sexual arousal, which many be caused by hormonally induced sexual desire.
Please see the information linked to below.
desire.htm
androgens.htm
In the article linked to below I have stated:
"Based on a survey conducted on this website, the female participants report 22 percent had experienced sexual desire by the age of 11, and 71 percent had by age 15."
Question: I have a question regarding achieving orgasms when climbing in trees or whatever. When I do a certain movement with both my legs while I hang in the tree/rope, raising them up while I push myself up with the arms, I get contractions that feels a lot like an orgasm.The contractions are shorter than a real orgasm, but very nice. I remember when I was a boy, I found out about this one day in the gym. We should climb up a rope as fast as possible,and halfway up I started getting this wonderful tickle in my whole "sex area", and to this day I remember how close I was falling down, simply because it was so wonderful. When I was at ground level again, I was dizzy, like when you reach a real orgasm. I think our teacher saw it, but my pals was so young they didn't see anything (I guess I was around 7-8 years old).
Why do this happened?
Answer: Please see the information linked to below for an explanation of what I believe happened, which is written for women but would apply to men too.
nerves_3.htm#1
Question: I can't get wet before or during sex. Is there something besides buying KY-Jelly that can help? Is there a pill or something I can take that will help, and also help me to want sex more or enjoy it more? The only way I can orgasm is when my husband does oral or hand, but he seems troubled that I don't get very wet even then. Can you tell me what to do. Please help. (Oh by the way, I'm an older woman and I've never had good sex until my 2nd husband, but I still don't know that much about it, but want to learn.)
Answer: Vaginal lubrication is the result of increased blood flow to the walls of the vagina. The increased blood flow occurs as a result of chemical changes in the pelvic organs and body during sexual arousal.
You do not say if this you have always experienced dryness, or if this is something new. Menopause may impair sexual response.
As mentioned throughout the website, women generally need direct clitoral stimulation if they are to experience orgasm, this likely explains your need for manual and oral stimulation. While some women always experience orgasm during intercourse and other never do, on average women experience orgasm 30% of the time without additional clitoral stimulation and 60% of the time with added clitoral stimulation.
Sounds like you and your husband would benefit from reading through my website.
desire_indx.htm
arouse_indx.htm
inter_indx.htm
sat_indx.htm
Question: I have recently started a sexual relationship with an 18 year old lady.
She is a lot tighter than any woman that I have been with before. She has now decided she wants to try fisting. As she is fairly tight, am I likely to cause damage to her and will it hurt her more than pleasure her?
I find it difficult to insert more than 2 fingers, let alone a whole fist, so is this a practice that takes a longtime to build up to over the course of many sessions.
Thanks in advance and carry on the good work.Answer: Some women have pelvic muscles that are naturally more elastic than those of other women so they are able to dilate their vagina relatively quickly, though not necessarily overnight. Other women have naturally tight pelvic muscles that are initially resistant to dilation. Each situation determines how quickly you can proceed. Video clips available on the Internet may not provide an indication of how much preparation and time was required for these young women to insert very large objects and fists into their vagina.
Not all women have the ability to accept a man sized fist into their vagina. The smaller your hand the easier it will be, and the more likely you are to succeed. She may only be able to insert her own fist, and/or relatively large dildos that are smaller than your fist.
An article on the website provides some basic advise.
Beyond this basic advise I would recommend the following:
She should first learn how to do Kegel exercises, as this will give her control over her pelvic muscles and allow her to strengthen and relax them. Squeezing and relaxing her pelvic muscles will help with the insertion of objects of increasing size.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise
Since she is motivated to do this it may be easiest if she does the actual dilation while masturbating, while you perhaps watch and masturbate along with her. This way you don't have to worry about hurting her, and she can proceed at her own pace. It can serve as the main course or foreplay, or solo play for her.
Prior to natural childbirth they recommend women practice perineal massage, which basically prepares the vagina and vaginal orifice so they stretch rather than tear during vaginal delivery. You can perform these exercises with her. The vagina can only stretch in the direction of her anus, towards her perineum, not towards her pubic bone. Please see the information linked to below.
http://www.childbirth.org/articles/massage.html
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/cn/technique/perineal.html
http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/episiotomy/a/perimassage.htm
Some couples try to proceed too quickly, which results in the woman experiencing pain and discomfort during and after their efforts at attempting the insertion of larger objects, or more fingers. This may result in the woman becoming reluctant to explore these activities. It would be better to engage in the process of stretching her vagina on a frequent and regular basis rather than all at once. Three times a week would be better than once a month.
The stretching of her vagina doesn't necessarily require an episode of masturbation or partnered sex. When women insert tampons they usually don't provide sexual stimulation beforehand, they simply do it, and probably without providing additional lubrication. This means your girlfriend can insert a lubricated object into her vagina while relaxing in front of the TV or while reading a book in bed without the need for sex. She would simply relax her pelvic muscles, insert the object, and then relax for 15 to 20 minutes, preferably on a frequent basis. If this were a nightly ritual she would likely proceed much faster than if she did it infrequently. It doesn't necessarily require a considerable investment in time if done frequently.
Though the insertion of objects can be as mechanical as described above, a hot shower together and a relaxing full body massage that lasts for an hour, and an orgasm or two beforehand, may prepare her for the insertion of more fingers or large objects during partnered sex. The more relaxed and aroused she is the easier her vagina and pelvic muscles will dilate. If she is relaxed she will likely be more trusting and receptive.
A small collection of dildos or other suitable objects of increasing size would be beneficial. You would want to proceed in gradual steps. Another possibility it to use butt plugs, as they are tapered in shape and allow for the gradual dilation of her vagina. The pressure of one finger is all that is required to insert these items, as she squeezes and relaxes, pushing the item out before allowing it to slide back in, slowly repeating the process. Objects made of silicone, glass, and stainless steel are easier to clean and maintain, because they aren't porous. Items made of other materials that are porous may require the use of a condom.
You will need to have plenty of lubricant on hand to reduce friction and possibility of injuries, like bruising and small cuts and tears.
Question: My name is María, I´ve just turned 45 years old. I´m married since almost 22 years, I have two children (16, 11 ½). I grew up in my grandparents home, it was a very dysfunctional home. As far as I know, or I´ve been told, it seems that my father an OB/GYN raped “with a drug in a beverage” my mom, she was a nurse, she was 21 yrs. old, for her parents it was a tragedy, she went to live to the US and my father, I really don´t know what happened.
My grandma was a great woman in her positive side, my grandparent he was invisible, she dominated him and every single human being in that house. She was indeed a good role model, but in her dark side she was a nazi. When I asked her about sex, she told me she was a Christian, a decent woman, and sex was sin, crap, dirty, etc. I studied during the week in a French catholic private school, on weekends I attended Presbyterian church, so I was almost a nun.
When I was 23 I got married to a man, now that I see, I realize that I was in love, but at the same time and maybe the reason why I got married was because I wanted to escape from home. I got married virgin, in fact I´ve only been with one man: my current husband. He´s not chauvinist, he´s not bullie, I must assume he loved me, he´s never told me that, he´s not romantic, the last time I kissed him in the mouth (I remember like if it was yesterday) was on November 1987. When we have problems he´s never called me names, or yelled at me, we both are very educated, we never raise the voice. Sex has been pathetic, the first four years we had sex one time per week, then with the children, well I´ve made the math, in 21 years = 400 times. I have never ever enjoyed sex with him, (believe me I have a hard disc in my brain), I remember the very first time he was upset because he couldn’t find my vagina. I never felt the “heat”, vibration, and of course I have never experienced orgasm with him, I have never faked, and he knows very well that I´ve never enjoyed sex with him.
Our marriage is very “quiet, educated”, but is absolutely lousy and pathetic. He´s not been a good provider, he has a very complicated personality and he is in my opinion mediocre, he´s been fired 7 times in the time I´ve been married, so financial insecurity, too much work for me, debts, no sexual pleasure or fun has been my life. He´s never in 21 years of married given me flowers or a gift, no gifts for Christmas, he only gave me flowers in one occasion. I was kind of numb, depressed, LOST in this relationship.
Since one year ago I started a process with myself of awakening, reinvention. I´m translator, while I was working with an American client, (I was translating his biography) I fell in love with him. I never met him in person, he never knew I was in love with him. But I think God used “this illusion, or love” to awake me. I discovered the tremendous capacity I have to love a man, I completely overcome the bad attitude toward sex, and for the very first time in my life I started liking it, a new me was born. I thought I was sick or maybe I was weird because I haven´t experienced orgasm, I started taping programs from the cable about sex, and I learned that masturbation was the way. Well, I decided to go for it in spite of my “religious” background, (I have a Master in Theology), well for the first time I went to masturbate with no goal or expectation, wow, I experienced orgasm the very first time I tried, I was incredible happy and sexual satisfied for the very first time in my live, I felt extreme sexual pleasure, the best sex of my life.
I had fantasies with this client and I started masturbation every single day, and I reached orgasm in 15 min. or so, every single time, I was happier, younger, I was the happiest woman I could be. For the last 10 years, the frequency of sex with my husband was once a month: No foreplay, no one single word, no one single kiss, he opened my legs, he penetrated, in 3 or 5 minutes ejaculation, immediately I went to the bathroom to take a shower, it was painful for me, sometimes he couldn´t penetrate. I was pissed off when I had to have sex! Since 9 months (I feel free and happy) we don’t have sex at all!
Five months ago this client invited me to come the US to a Conference, and he told me that he had a girlfriend, I was devastated! Since that time I´ve continued with my daily masturbation sessions, I absolutely love to do that, and I also need it. But I think in my mind he was the “fuel” , because in 7 months that I´ve been masturbating, the first 2 “with him” everything was so easy, this past 5 months have been pretty difficult. I reach orgasm only the 80% of the time. And when I don´t reach it I feel miserable, I´m reading your site, I am educating myself, I´m buying books, I want to buy the Books of B. Dodson, and the DVD Celebrating Orgasm, but I can´t afford them right now.
Nine years ago I had a hysterectomy, and I only have one ovary left, last year (June) I checked my hormone levels, and the doctor says I´m Ok, so I don´t know if I am in the menopause period. I work too much and even though we get along with my husband, I mean we don´t fight, this marriage is sinking me, I´m planning to exit safely, but I can´t get divorce right now, because I do not have a financial freedom, but I´m working on that.
Now it takes me one hour to reach orgasm, I used my fingers, and my brush handle as a dildo, but I am very exhausted. My question is: I was thinking in buying an electric tooth brush (I can´t afford now the Hitachi Magic Wand), and use it as a vibrator. But I read that one can get addicted to it and in the future I won´t be sensitive to my touch or my partner´s. I know I´m not a girl, but I´m a beginner in masturbation, what can I do? I am a strong woman, my health is OK, I do not like to use crutch, but due to my hysterectomy, my age, my stressful marriage, what is your advice? May be I seem to you insecure, yes I am, anxious, yes I am, and please forgive me for this long e-mail, but I wanted you to know my life, so you can help me better. I know there are other issues that I have to overcome, like anxiety, stress, and so on. I´m extremely oriented to goal, but in this case you say in your site that I need to be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented, but it´s in my DNA, and I want to get the mark of 400 orgasms (the same of the times I´ve had sex with my husband) to feel that I recovered those 22 years in the trash with him!
I was verbally abused by my grandma, and sometimes I think that I do not give me permission to be happy, maybe that´s a bad attitude that is not helping me in this regard. I´ve become addicted to orgasms, after all, (I´m playing the victim role) it´s all the fun and pleasure I have now, I desperately need a man, I´m craving for sex with love, I am so sad to see that I´ve wasted 22 years of my life with a man that will never change, a man that will never love me. I want to get divorce and find a man that really loves me, please answer me, I´ll appreciate your advice.
Your site has been a blessing, you have no idea what it means for me and for my children, because I been reading it and I´m giving my children the best sexual education I can, down here in Guatemala, masturbation is “sin” that I have given them my permission and my blessing, to do that. I´m educating them with the education you are giving me in your site. God bless you!! From the bottom of my heart a million thanks!
Please do not sugar coat your answer, tell me the truth, help me please.
Answer: I am very happy to hear my website has been of help to you, and quite possibly your children.
Congratulation on discovering and exploring your sexuality, I am sure many of your peers probably haven't, and never will. So applaud yourself and your achievements.
Given the age of your children, I am guessing your financial and physical independence are several years off, which means you must find others ways of repairing and reclaiming your sexuality. You have obligations, which you could choose to ignore, but given what happened to you as a child you may not want to subject your children to the same.
You, like many women, are perhaps relying too much on physical sexual stimulation, which impedes your progression to orgasm. You need to get your brain involved in the arousal process. I believe the American man became an imaginary lover for you, much as movie stars become the imaginary lovers of many women. While he physically exists, you became infatuated with your mental image of him, based on his biography, which may or may not be based on reality. The same applies to women who fall in love with a character in a movie. We need to find or create a new imaginary lover for you. He doesn't need to physically exist, only exist in your mind.
You need a new imaginary lover who fulfills your romantic and sexual needs, and provides the mental stimulation you require during your masturbation sessions. Are there no men at work or whom you know that you find sexually attractive? If not, how about a famous celebrity? Allow this person to become your lover in your fantasies. You can make the fantasies as romantic and/or sexual as you want, and as long or short at you want. Imagine you are a teen with her first crush (romantic interest). You are in control of this person and what they do, and how they fulfill your wants and needs.
Now schedule time to make love to yourself. Don't masturbate, make love to yourself. Allow your hands to be those of your lover. Take a long bath or shower, or lock yourself in a quite dark room. Apply body lotion or oil to your entire body and imagine it is your lover who is doing this to you. Stand in front of a mirror and show your lover how to make love to you. Allow your mental thoughts and non-genital stimulation to arouse you prior to engaging in sexual stimulation. Don't touch your clitoris or vagina until you are fully aroused and wet. This will reduce your level of physical exertion, and even if you don't become sexually aroused, you probably wont feel so frustrated afterwards. In the beginning keep it simple.
If you cannot create an imaginary lover then find some erotic stories online that sexually arouse you, or buy a romance novel that does the same. Read the sections that arouse your prior to exploring genital stimulation. If romantic thoughts don't arouse you then explore taboo sexual subjects, which should be numerous given your childhood and educational backgrounds. This is a subject addressed several times on the website.
You are 45 and not getting any younger, so your concern about becoming addicted to a vibrator is a moot point in my opinion. Your need for sexual release and control over your sexuality is immediate, the option of having a lover is somewhere in the future, perhaps the distant future. What if he never becomes a reality? Should you delay claiming your sexuality another day? If he is the same age as you he may or may not have the sexual energy and drive to fulfill your needs. You may have to pursue and educate a young stallion in order to expand your sexual horizons.
Are you likely to become addicted to a vibrator, no. Millions of women use them, and 90% would recommend them to other women, according to a survey on my website. In general, women report vibrators make having an orgasm easier during other forms of sexual stimulation, or they have no affect at all on their ability to experience orgasm.
If you are still concerned about becoming addicted to a vibrator then explore water spray as a form of sexual stimulation. Many women have shared their masturbation techniques on the website, in the masturbation section, and may use water spray.
You don't say whether you have tried to educate your husband about your new found sexuality and ability to experience orgasm. Have you considered showing him my website and asking him to read through it? Perhaps he has only been doing what he learned he should do, based on his and your religious believes at the time. Based on your religious backgrounds, he was doing everything as he should have, and you shouldn't have enjoyed it. Perhaps he is too embarrassed, or afraid of offending you, to ask you for something other than intercourse. Perhaps he would like to awaken his sexuality too. I don't fully understand the dynamics of your relationship, but perhaps, as his wife you owe him a least a chance at fulfilling your needs. If there is no longer a "relationship" then perhaps you need to start sleeping in another room, so as to begin the process of physical separation.
The problem isn't so much your goal of experiencing 400 orgasm as your desire to fulfill the goal so quickly. If you have an orgasm every other day you would meet your goal in two years. Even if you go five days between orgasms you will still reach your goal in under five years. It has taken you 45 years to get you where you are today, don't expect to undo those 45 years in a single day or year. Celebrate every orgasm, and value them, rather than placing too high a value on their quantity. You can count them if you must, just don't try to count them quite so quickly.
I don't believe your behavior or situation requires me to sugar coat anything or be gentle, as you appear to be harder on yourself than is warranted.Her Followup Email: Thank you very much for answering my e-mail. It was a blessing to hear from you, and yes I do applaud myself for my achievements. In fact down here in Guatemala the vast majority of my peers don´t even know where the clitoris is. So, I´m very glad, and thankful to God and to you that I´m discovering the beauty of sex. I just do not understand why it is “nasty” feelings about sex, God created sex, it was born in his mind as a gift to mankind, it´s so beautiful! People in Guatemala are repressed by religion, they are religious people, but not spiritual. Fortunately among young people things are changing, thanks to sites like yours, etc.
I´m in a process of finding and re-inventing my authentic self. I´m falling in love with myself, and it´s not a simple crush, it´s been a process of discovering underneath layers of loneliness, bitterness, an authentic me, you told me “I´m 45 and not getting any younger”, well in 5% of your statement you are wrong. On last September I started masturbating (since then I´ve had 145 orgasms), actually I rejuvenated, and it´s not my “perception”, because I feel stronger, happier, younger, healthier (I do exercise every day, so I am a happy positive person), but the happiness and satisfaction I have now is way better, even the people & clients around me have told me “What´s going on with you?…. Your skin looks better, you have a spark in your eyes and smile, kind of new?” My children say I´m funnier now, with the blessing and freedom that comes with a sexual life that really satisfies, it comes a freedom that enables me to forgive and move on, to a new life, to a new me.
I created a new lover in my mind, but it´s hard to make love with a faceless man. But a couple of weeks ago I started taping Tip Nuck, I discovered this program by chance. “Sean” one of the characters, a nerd brilliant doctor was perfect to me, the first time I watched the show I got horny, he makes love just the way I´ve dreamed of, I needed to have sex with him, and surprise, I reached orgasm in 10 minutes, and all the journey was like when you enter in the point of no return, absolute pleasure, I was so aroused and happy. Yes, you are right the brain is the biggest sexual organ.
Regarding to start sleeping in another room, it´s not possible for me now. I happen to live in a 3 bedroom small apartment, but I usually go to bed 2 hours earlier than my husband, and I masturbate in my room, while he is in the living room watching TV, so I applaud myself, because I do that with all the family around, I have no other choice, and I do that without music or a better environment. I´m very proud of myself, because with too little, I´ve done too much.
Regarding the goal of 400 O´s to “undo” the 400 bad experiences… now I see, it´s kind of stupid. It´s hard to take stupid back, isn´t it? But I´m not going to waste more time. I have a diary where I write about my masturbation sessions and it´s been kind of an outlet for my feelings, I really value and celebrate each and every orgasm, like I read in your site, “it doesn´t matter how many, the most important thing is to be able to really enjoy each and everyone of them”. You told me I´m hard to myself, many people tell me that too, I think it´s because my grandma treated me in a harsh way, it´s what I learned. Sometimes I think there´s a blocking in my mind, specially when I don´t reach orgasm I think one of the reasons may be it´s because I don´t allow myself to feel the pleasure, I don´t give myself permission to be happy.
You also told me to give my husband a chance, thanks but no, I´m so done, as I told you in my first e-mail, I´m way over my head. I´ve given him 22 years of my life, the best ones (in terms of age) and he´s done nothing that taking advantage of a loving and caring wife, I´ve worked like an idiot, I´m an excellent housewife, an excellent mother, I´ve been faithful (he cheated on me the first time when I just had a miscarriage), I´ve respected my marriage, even ignoring myself as woman, and my personal needs.
I´ve forgiven him, but we are not in the same page, actually now I see probably we never were. I have no hard feelings, but sleeping with him NO WAY, he doesn´t deserve that pleasure. Now, I know better, I deserve better. You are right, let´s say IF I find a man in 2 years, may be he´s going to be 50, and probably he´ll have erectile dysfunction! That´s why is very important for a woman not to rely on a partner for sexual satisfaction. I´m learning that I´m enough and I can just be happy with or without a man, but I rather have a man of course, I love men, I love sex, I need partner sex, I´m getting laid good with myself, but I miss, I crave, I need the touch, the intimacy with a man, I need a man, I really do, one year ago I used to pray: Lord I do not want to die without knowing what is it to have an orgasm, (prayer answered) not I keep praying: I do not want to die without knowing the true love, to be able to love and be loved, and also I´d like to experience oral sex!
I´m in a process of learning, growing and changing. I´been reading your site for 6 months, I´ve read it an 80% may be, I´m educating myself with the Internet, books, taping programs, I am really working on building a new me, I´ve always been a nerd, and very proud of it, so thank you again for all you´ve done for me. Finally I am in this process of finding myself, it´s like coming out of a dark hole, I used to be very proud of me, I always was the best in school, and college, but now I love myself in some other ways, now I like myself more, I can even say, I love my cunt!
I used to be a nun, and sometimes I am scared about becoming a “mare in heat”, well if that´s going to happen, so be it, I embrace it. Most of my peers are in the opposite, but my hormones are raging like a teenager. Watching Dr. Phil I figured out that I´m using my masturbation as a “coping mechanism”, well, anyway I´m happy, satisfied, and I m finding peace in my mind and heart. I looking for a divorce in 1 ½ year, meanwhile with absolute discretion I´m preparing myself, I´m preparing my children, I´m finding emotional closure. My children like your site, without knowledge or consent from my husband, I´ve been teaching them everything about sex, about masturbation, we are having a hell of a time, we talk a lot, we have fun, I´m preparing them to be happy, hopefully.
Question: I have often visited this great website for some years and now decided to contact you about something that became important in my life quite a while ago.
Depression and Sex.
What I have to mention first is that I have been masturbating regularly since I was 11, never had problems orgasming and was really happy with my sexuality.
Well, the first time I got depressed it did not really affect my sex-life, unlike the second episode which started when I was almost 15 and developed severe depression. :-(Due to this I continuously lost my interest in sex and my body, which absolutely made me wonder and concerned but in the end also lead me to the conclusion that I was actually depressed as this is as known quite a common symptom of it. When masturbating back then I never had orgasmic problems, but I was just not interested in it at all which made me really pleasure myself maybe every few months just to ensure I was still capable of it..
This was also the time when my period, which had always been regular, stopped.
I am still not sure how all these hormone-related issues fit together but the depression must have a big influence on my body, at least that is my personal impression.
At the start of this year I started taking antidepressants, at first Fluoxetin (Prozac) and now Imipramine against my bipolar depression as well.
The fascinating thing is how the ads impact my sexual desire : it is existent again. Wow. :-DBit by bit I began feeling sexual again although I now have problems reaching orgasm for the first time in my life which will be my body's interpretation of the libido-decreasing effects of this medication. I am not menstruating either but at least not completely dry any longer.
Well, of course all this can still not be considered great but it is completely alright that way.
I am not surprised but rather relieved as the ads improve my mood a little, my depression is unfortunately still very present, but so is desire.Searching for information on sex and antidepressants I only repeatedly found texts about their bad influence, never that they helped in this respect.
As this is a really interesting issue for me I wanted to share my experience by now and ask if there are others who might have experienced the same.Answer: Thank you for sharing your experience.
Antidepressant medications alter how the body communicates by means of the nervous system. They change the way the nervous system does the actual communication, how the chemicals within the body interact. Unfortunately, we do not know how antidepressants actually work. We also don't fully understand how the nervous system communicates to cause the physical indications of sexual desire, nor do we fully understand how the communication occurs within the body during sexual arousal and orgasm. This means there are a lot of unknowns.
Doctors know the side affects of antidepressants medications, some desired and others not, but they don't know specifically how they work, at the molecular level. We know they help treat depression but not how they do it.
Your mood, menstrual cycle, and sexual response appear to have been functioning normally between the ages of 11 and 15. What we don't know is the cause for the changes in these aspects of your life at the age of 15. The change could have been organic, something changed within your body as a result of a medical condition, or environmental, something change in the world around you, or the combination of the two.
Antidepressants treat depression but they do not cure it. Depression is difficult to cure because we don't know the cause, how the body and nervous system has changed to cause the symptoms of depression.
Some causes of depression are environmental, like stress. Stress can cause depression and the absence of menstruation, amenorrhea. Stress adversely affects the chemicals in the body. Depression can also cause amenorrhea, or be associated with it. It could be important to know which occurred first, the depression or the amenorrhea.
Antidepressants cause different side affects in some than others. Imipramine, one of the original treatments for depression dating back to the 1950s, is reported to cause a decrease in desire in some and a increase in desire in others.
Antidepressants frequently impair the ability to experience orgasm, without necessarily affecting the ability to experience sexual arousal. They are thought to block the chemical messengers within the spinal cord that allow orgasm to occur. The messengers involved in arousal and desire can still perform their intended task, but not the messengers that allow or cause orgasm.
You mention experiencing dryness, but not whether this dryness pertains to sexual arousal or the general state of your vagina. Vaginal dryness and amenorrhea could be indicators of a problem with your ovaries and other endocrine organs, i.e. the production of estrogen. I suggest seeking treatment for your amenorrhea; making all doctors aware of both conditions.Antidepressants cause a broad range of symptoms so I would guess that other women share your experience, even if it isn't a common experience.
Since your current medication, Imipramine, isn't completely relieving your symptoms of depression then you should discuss this with your doctor, and perhaps see if you can try another medication that is less likely to impair your ability to experience orgasm. You may need to make your desire for orgasm clear to your doctor; if necessary write it down on paper and hand the note to the doctor or nurse. The newer SSRIs are reported to have fewer adverse side affects than Imipramine. One of my reference books mentions switching from imipramine to desipramine, both TCAs, may improve sexual function.
Here are some web references I consulted.
http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-t03.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tricyclic_antidepressant
http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/absence-periods
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_%28medicine%29
The original reference for the change in medications from imipramine to desipramine:
Anorgasmia associated with imipramine but not desipramine: case report. By Sovner, R 1983, Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 44:345-346
I hope this information is of help, or at least comforting to know.
Question: Today I was fooling around with my boyfriend who at the time was fingering me. He was readjusting his fingers when they slipped and I felt a horrible pain. It wasn't until I checked myself out in the bathroom that I found that he had actually torn my clitoral hood and I was bleeding (not profusely). I am very scared that he, accidentally, permanently damaged my clitoris. I'm not sure if I should see a doctor or just "wait and see" what happens. Either way I am very anxious and scared.
Answer: Please see the Q&As linked to below:
qa_9/qa9_7.htm
qa_9/qa9_3.htm
Question Part 1: I was changing my 20 month old daughter's diaper today, and she has a little bit of diaper rash, but I noticed on her clitoris she has a white bump on it, I'm not sure if it is a smegma (by reading from your article), because she is so small and it is really hard for me to tell, but it looks to be kind of hard and almost like it has a head to it. I'm really scared it could be something serious, and will probably be calling her doctor tomorrow to make an appointment for her, but I was really curious if this was common in children at such a young age. Thanks so much! I really appreciate it.
Answer Part 1: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general information.
I don't know the frequency of smegma buildup in preadolescent girls, but I don't believe it is uncommon, just not known about or looked for. The associated glands are though less productive prior to puberty. I also don't know how frequently it results in an immediately medical problem, or in the future, during adolescence or adulthood. As far as I know, smegma is only a concern if it dries out and causes irritation, though it should be gently rinsed away periodically for hygienic reasons.
I recently corresponded with a woman who has clitoral adhesions even though neither she or her doctors had realized it, even though she had gone to the doctors with a complaint specifically about this area of her vulva. I observed the adhesions in a photo she has sent me, and on taking the photos I had marked up to her doctor she was able to get treatment. So even doctors can overlook things like this.
There are several different possible causes for white bumps and discolorations on the vulvas of preadolescent girls, so if it doesn't rinse away, doesn't go away in a day or two, or gets worse, then certainly consult your doctor. If nothing else, you can call and talk to one of the nurses about it. If your daughter doesn't have a history of diaper rash and you are always sure to keep her vulvar area dry then the diaper rash may not be diaper rash, and the rash could be related to the white discoloration.
It is important to note whether the white colored area is on the outer surface of her clitoral hood, on the surface of her clitoral glans, between the inner surface of the hood and clitoral glans, or seeping or sticking out of the opening in her hood. I don't believe the clitoral glans is readily visible in young preadolescent girls, based on my medical references. I'm not a parent, or a doctor, so don't have experience with even casual examination of the vulvas of preadolescent girls so have little knowledge base on which to go by.Question Part 2: Thanks so much, I really appreciate you getting back to me so soon, it seems like it has moved now, (which is really weird) & I agree with you that she is so small that I really cant tell if it is on the hood or not! I have called her doctor, and she will be seen tomorrow morning, so hopefully it isn't anything to serious.
Last night when I looked at it it seemed to be on the hood, now it looks as though it has shifted and moved downward so it seems to be between the hood and the clitoral glans now. Because you can only see a little bit until I pull back the hood.
It does seem that her hood has lost a little color, but I can't really remember if it was that color before or not, (I don't really look at her and inspect her like that). I think it only looks a little lighter because the white bump being so big.I always keep her very clean and dry down there so it was really a shock to me.
Answer Part 2: Based on the fact that it appears to have moved, and its location, then it is more likely to be sebum or smegma. If the tissue of her hood has lost it pigmentation that would be a reason for greater concern.
Hope all goes well at the doctor's.Her Followup 1: It was just what I thought it was [smegma], he said that it is very common in girls at her age (20 months), no treatment, it will go away when she goes through puberty, because the estrogen is what separates it [the hood from the clitoral glans] !! =) He told me as long as it doesn't get bigger (effecting the way she urinates) then there is nothing we need to do about it!! I was so happy because I was scared! Thanks so much for all of your help and answering my questions, hopefully her experience will help you!
When I told him what I thought it was, (smegma), he looked at her, and said that yes that was what it was, and it is on the hood.......and then he went into detail about how it is totally normal for a child her age and he sees it actually quite often!
He also told me that it was really small, and that he was surprised I even saw it...........but of course I'm a mom.....so I look for things out of the ordinary with my children, especially when I'm cleaning them!
Her Followup 2: Oh gosh now I'm getting confused, lol.....When I meantioned to him that I thought it was the smegma, where the labia tries to grow together, he said yes, so I'm not sure if it is sebum or smegma (because I couldn't remember the name of it when I went to the doctor. But it is where her labia is tring to close, after he looked at her he said that the white bump was on the hood, and then he said when she hits adolesence the estrogen would cause it to come apart, am I makeing sense?
Answer Part 3: It appears we are at times talking about two different subjects.
When the inner labia grow together that is a condition called "labial adhesions," and these adhesions are not normally a problem and go away during puberty, when the girl's estrogen levels normally increase. They appear to result when the associated tissues become irritated, and then heal together. I would presume the parents of the affected girl are not spreading their daughter's inner labia on a daily basis to perform a visual examination, to rinse away irritants, and to look for signs of irritation. It may not be practical for them to do so, though the prevention described in the articles linked to below does mention applying ointment to this area on a daily basis.
The sebum/smegma is the white fluid normally produced by the glands on the under side of the clitoral hood, and between the labia. Sebum/smegma is also normal, unless the smegma dries out and causes irritation and clitoral adhesions. Excessive accumulation, evident by a strong odor, would be an indication of poor hygiene. Regular rinsing of the vulva with plain water is sufficient care, and too frequent, thorough, or aggressive of a "cleaning" can cause the irritation we seek to avoid. "Cleaning" is best avoided, as mention in the article linked to below:hygiene.htm
This confusion results in part from a lack of understanding about the external genitals of adult women. When we shrink this anatomy down in size to that of an infant or toddler the confusion only increases. Most women likely do not have intimate knowledge of their own vulva, and may believe there is nothing to be aware of concerning their daughter's vulva, or is simply uncomfortable with the idea and/or practice of examining her vulva so closely. While the genitals of infant and young boys are readily visible, the same isn't true for infant and young girls, meaning parents must intentionally examine them, requiring them to touch her vulva, to see things clearly. Even if we see things clearly we may not know what we are looking at or for, not knowing the difference between normal and abnormal anatomy, or indications of disease.
There is a photo of labial adhesions at the bottom of the article linked to below. The photo is a little blurry, and the adhesions are not pointed out. In this example, the introitus, the area between the inner labia, below the more visibly clitoral hood, appears to be totally closed. If so, this girl would have trouble urinating, and incomplete voiding may result in urinary tract infections, and discomfort or pain.http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic1267.htm
You can see more images, though very small ones, by going to the following website and entering "labial adhesions" into the search engine.
http://images.md/default.asp
Here are additional articles on labial adhesions, their cause, treatment, and ways of preventing them. There are many more articles available today than there were only a few years ago, perhaps because this is a common experience/condition.
http://www.drgreene.com/21_1130.html
http://www.drgreene.com/21_101.html
http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/info/urinary/diagnose/labial-adhesions.htm
http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5892,00.html
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_labadhes_hhg.htm
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/health/vaginaladhesion.html
http://www.naspag.org/health_profs/articles/adhesions.html
http://www.babycenter.com/0_labial-adhesion_10889.bc
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nhealth/0,,3qcg,00.html
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/welcome/commonproblems/labialadhesions.html
http://hubpages.com/hub/The_Truth_About_Labial_Adhesions
The following Q&A presents related information.
qa_18.htm#1