Answer: Congratulations on learning this very important sexual skill. As with any new skill, it takes time to learn to do it well. You also need to learn your body, which given your age, is likely changing all the time, as well as your mental thoughts and emotions. Not to dismiss your questions, which I will try to answer below, but you will likely need to figure these things out for yourself. A woman's experience of her sexuality is a very individual thing. It is wonderful that you have asked these questions, so as to put your mind at rest.
Webmaster's Note 2011: The absence of sexual desire could be the result of stress, as she indicates below, guilt, or the result of her ever changing menstrual cycle. She may then experience sexual desire as a result of masturbating, which she is motivated to do because of the physical pleasure it provides. Sexual arousal leads to sexual desire, rather than the other way around. This is a common experience for women, as related in the article about sexual desire. The description of orgasm, provided in the article about sexual arousal and orgasm, indicates orgasm may not eliminate all the indications of sexual arousal that masturbation and sex bring about, resulting in a continued desire to masturbate, or engage in sex, to get relieve from the strong sexual feelings and distraction. Her desire for pleasure is her initial motivation, relieve from sexual arousal is her continuing motivation. Orgasms typically last, according to Masters and Johnson, 2-12 seconds. Her primary sexual desire may return at a different time in her menstrual cycle, later in time, or if she discontinues masturbating for an extended period. There is also a period of time, which varies from individual to individual, when our body says no to sex, so we don't harm ourselves by engaging in sex endlessly. Eventually, we all need to eat and sleep, and our body knows this. Many teens experience guilt as a result of masturbating, as indicated in the shared masturbation experiences at DoubleClickHeaven.com. Learning that their peers masturbate, and share the same feelings, often brings an end to the guilt, as indicated in the shared experiences.
When you masturbate, chemicals and hormones are released into your bloodstream that cause the physical and emotional sensations you experience, and allow orgasm to occur. While orgasm involves muscular contractions, it is these hormones that allow them to occur in the first place. What is likely happening when you masturbate is, your body produces a lot of these hormones and it takes time for your body to consume or reabsorb them. Your body may be producing more of these hormones than it really needs too. This is true with many hormones during puberty. It is normal even though confusing at times.
It is also common for women to desire sex the more they have sex. This applies to masturbation as well. What may help with these feelings is engaging in some physical activity like jogging or swimming after you masturbate. You may be high on endorphins and adrenaline after masturbating, and need to use them up. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with masturbating several times a day, if you want/need too. Just be careful not to irritate your vulva. If this occurs, use some extra lubrication, which is a good idea anyway.
Since you have a desire to masturbate it seems you are experiencing a strong sex drive, you are horny. Masturbation helps relieve some of the hormones that cause you to desire sex, so masturbating may result in less sexual desire. Masturbation is a great way to relieve sexual tension. If you want your sexual desire to build up you may need to masturbate less often. Not that this would be a good idea. I would think you would want a constructive means of preventing sexual desire from building up to a high level; it can be distracting.
To help make your orgasm more intense, go slow and allow for a slow build up of sexual tension. Tease yourself. Bring yourself close to orgasm several times without allowing it to happen. Masturbating to orgasm in 5-10 minutes is not necessarily a good idea. Take a full hour and make love to yourself. Take a hot shower or bath, rub some lotion into your body, then stimulate your "entire" body to orgasm.
Her Follow-up e-mail: Thank you very much for your advice. I will try that, even though I sometimes feel guilty masturbating, or like I'm doing something disgusting. Probably because the rest of my friends are sort of that way. I'll just keep my mouth shut I guess and wont tell anyone. But thank you very much.
My Reply: I am glad we were able to help out. Your friends likely have the same feelings, and masturbate as well. If they are going through puberty, they most likely are. They may not masturbate even if they have the same feelings. They, just like you, do not feel it is something they should be doing. They feel guilty and weird as well, unfortunately.
Most adults do not realize how "sexual" young teens such as yourself can be, even if they do not have sex with a partner. It makes it hard for you then to understand and deal with these feelings. You are perfectly normal but society makes you feel weird.
You might mentions to your female friends when talking to them "individually" that you read most teenage girls masturbate secretly, and experience strong sexual feelings. You do not need to admit to doing it yourself, unless they ask. You should not ask them directly, as they will likely say no even if they do. They may be too embarrassed too admit to it. You can let them know it is normal without admitting to it. If you admit to it, they may open up and discuss the subject with you. That is why you want to do it one on one, so peer pressure does not cause it to become an ugly scene. You may be able to become the sexual mentor for your peers, by educating yourself and them about teenage sexuality. You might simply let them know about this website. You can then discuss the information together, again one on one.
There are women who masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, especially when they are young. It is unfortunate that girls are not encouraged to "Jill-off." Do not feel afraid or ashamed of the fact that you masturbate for long periods of time, or several times per day, if that is what you find is best for you. Some girls need or want too, while others do not; they are all perfectly normal. It depends a lot on the level of the hormones in your body, something you have no control over. So it is best to go with the flow.