Question: I have a small black lump on my clitoris. It almost looks like a hair is growing out of it. It doesn't hurt but bothers me only by the fact that it is there. Any answers on what it could be?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

The non-mucous tissues of the clitoris, the outer layer of the hood and the tissue that conceals the body of the clitoris, is like skin elsewhere on your body and may have moles and hair follicles present. If you have a dark complexion or dark colored moles on other areas of your body this could be normal for you.

If this is a new growth or you do not have dark colored moles on the remainder of your body then you should consult a doctor. If this dark colored bump is located on the mucous membranes, the clitoral glans and the under side of the clitoral hood you should also consult a doctor, as regardless of race or skin color mucous membranes are always of a pink or red in color; the inside of the mouth and inner surfaces of the vulva are mucous membranes.

Here is a link to information about moles:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/moles.htm

Question: This is embarrassing =/ but um.. outside my vagina under my hole I discovered a lumpish bump and its only irritating when I put a tiny force on it and then I squeezed it and I think some white juice sprawled out but the lump is still there under the skin... I don't really want to go to a doctor, that's kind of even more embarrassing... I wear a lot of tight thongs but maybe I could lay off a bit? I just found it today =(...

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

If this bump is located on the skin that is located between your vulva and anus, your perineum, and there is hair present in this area then it may simply be an ingrown hair or a pimple; a plugged oil/sebaceous gland. If the hair follicle or sweat gland became infected then it would swell and fluid would come out when squeezed, as with pimples and ingrown hairs on other areas of your body. If the material causing the irritation was expelled or the oil gland is now unplugged then once the gland returns to normal size in a day or two the bump should disappear.

Wash the area with soap and water and wear loose fitting clothing. You may want to wash after a bowel movement to reduce the chance of infection.

Wearing tight clothing is bad for your vulva in general, as mentioned on the page about hygiene linked to below:

hygiene.htm

I am not saying tight thongs had anything to do with this bump forming, as it could happen no matter what you wear or don't wear. If you shave your vulva then there is a greater risk of ingrown hairs.

If the bump gets worse, there is redness, pain, and swelling indicating an infection is present, please consult a doctor.

Question: I've had sex with two boys. The second was a mistake, although we used a condom and he said it was his first time. I'm tempted to believe him because most of the time he wasn't even inside, he was just rubbing on the outside, and it's my intuition that he didn't know the difference (it was awful sex, horrible, but I didn't have the heart to say anything). Then I went to student health, never never go to student health at Cornell. I was suffering from the first ever outbreak of the Herpes 1 on my lip from my boyfriend, and they told me it was probably on my vagina too. Now, I was itching, but I had never really looked at my vulva before and didn't know if it should be bumpy at all or not, so I saw tiny bumps and flipped out, but they didn't even test me for anything but the herpes on my mouth, which I knew I probably already had. I took a treatment of Monistat the following week and completely recovered, but now I have to ask, can the skin on each of the labia that goes up to the pubic hair be bumpy at all, or does it have to be completely smooth? I don't know and can't find a satisfactory answer anywhere. I'm going to go talk to my mom about seeing her gynecologist next week, because I'm an extremely paranoid person and can't get it off my mind, although boy 2 (out of two) seems completely honest and seemed very concerned when I talked to him. He seems like an upstanding guy and has given me no reason to distrust him. We're still friends, and he seemed interested in being together even. (I feel bad, I've ruined his first time having sex, probably). Knowing that this email was way too long, please at least be amused with the ramblings of a scared 21 year old. I love my boyfriend (boy 1) very much, and I don't want to give him anything, and I don't want to destroy our relationship because I was stupid and depressed.

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

It is my understanding most people have been exposed to oral herpes by the time they are an adult. If this was your first outbreak then you could have contracted it recently from anyone you kissed.

Oral herpes can be spread to the genitals during oral sex, and there does not need to be active blisters at the time for this to occur.

The outer labia are made up of the same tissue as the male scrotum, so it is possible for them to have the same texture and appearance. If the bumps were herpes they would be painful blisters, I believe. The inner labia can have a granular appearance to them too, they aren't always smooth. Not having looked at your vulva prior it is harder to know what is normal for you. You should do regular self vulva exams to keep an eye on things.

You can see many photos of the vulva in the Body Image section of the website to get an idea of what is normal.

Vulvar itching can be caused by many things. It is best not to use an anti-fungal treatment unless you are sure you have a yeast infection. I have heard women mention doing harm when they used them when they did not have a yeast infection. You may want to read the pages about Hygiene and Vaginitis in the Health section of the website for more information on this.

Here are links to additional information on herpes of the mouth and genitals:

http://www.stdservices.on.net/std/herpes/details.htm

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/herpesgenitalis.htm

http://herpes-coldsores.com/std/herpes.htm

http://www.aidsmeds.com/OIs/Herpes.htm

Question: I'm 23 and I've been having intercourse since I was 18 years old. My question is ... ever since I started my period at the age of 12, I've never been able to use tampons. No matter how small the tampon, it wont go in all the way. I know all the tricks to move it around and find a certain angle. I've tried every way possible. I've been trying for over 10 years to use tampons and I just can't get it right! I HATE using pads and I just want to know why I might not be able to do this? I don't have any problem with vaginal intercourse .. so why the problem with tampons? Are they too dry? Is it just because I'm retarded and can't get it in the right way? Please, ideas? I just really want to be able to get this! All my friends (or those I've asked) have tried to tell me how, they can all figure it out ... I've read about how on all the boxes, web sites ... I just can't believe that after all this time I still can't do it. Even if I get it in, it doesn't go in far enough I don't think. It's still at the vaginal opening. And if I DO get it any farther, I can still feel it when I sit down or walk around. Is it normal to feel it a little? Everyone says "you can't even feel 'em!" but I CAN! Please please please reply to me. If tampons aren't an option, is there anything else I can use besides pads? I've tried Instead and they wont go in right either.

Answer: Assuming you spread your labia fully to expose your vaginal opening, the applicator is supposed to slide in until your fingers holding the applicator are in contact with your vulva; the applicator would need to enter your vagina about 2 inches for a "regular" size Tampax tampon. When the tampon is inserted by pressing on the applicator plunger it will insert the tampon into your vagina up to a depth of about 4 inches, but the length of the vagina varies in women from 2 1/4 to 3 1/2 inches. Based on these facts you may not be able to insert a tampon as far as the applicator may allow you to. If your vagina is short you will not be able to insert a tampon as far as women who have a longer one.

Assuming your vagina is 3 inches in length then a regular Tampax tampon would be about 1 inch in from your vaginal opening after insertion, not very far. If your vagina is 2 inches in length, the tampon will be right at the entrance to your vagina.

I recommend doing some exploring with your fingers. Lubricate a couple fingers and insert them into your vagina and explore the structure of your vagina. You will likely be able to touch your cervix with your finger(s), it will have the same firmness and feel as the tip of your nose. If you move your fingers to the front or back of your cervix, it is like a small ball projecting slightly into your vagina, you may be able to insert your fingers a little further. This will tell you how long your vagina is and how far a tampon could be inserted. The more familiar you are with your vagina the easier it will be for you to use tampons. If you are uncomfortable inserting your fingers into your vagina it will likely be more challenging for you to insert a tampon.

While your fingers are inside, contract and relax your pelvic muscles, as if you wanted to start and stop the flow of urine from your body. This will help you to know when your pelvic muscles are relaxed, which is necessary for you to insert a tampon.

Experiment to see how many fingers you can insert into your vagina. Since you are not a virgin you should be able to insert 2 to 3 fingers. You can also insert a suitable object. This will help you to be aware of the elasticity of your vagina, how much room is inside. Now relax and visualize your fingers or the object that you have inserted. What do you feel? How far in is your vagina sensitive to the object that is inserted? Slowly sliding your fingers in and out may help you to become aware of the range of sensitivity along the length of your vagina. This will help you to know what a tampon may feel like inside your vagina.

The inner two-thirds (2 inches) of the vagina is usually LESS sensitive than the outer third (1 inch). The inner portion of the vagina is usually only sensitive to pressure, and there are fewer nerve endings here so it is usually not overly sensitive. Now you may have more nerve endings or a short vagina so you are more aware of the inserted tampon than other women. Doing the above mentioned exploration will help you to know your anatomy better.

What you may be feeling is the string used to remove the tampon rather than the tampon itself, as it passes through the more sensitive areas of your vagina. You might try tucking the string just inside your vagina, within reach of your finger, to retrieve later; exotic dancers do this. One website recommended coating the string with petroleum jelly to reduce the irritation they may cause.

You may find that you cannot use tampons because of your anatomy.

You might consider using reusable cotton pads, as you may find these more comfortable to
use.

If you can insert your finger but not a tampon with an applicator try a tampon without an applicator like the O.B. brand.

There is a page on the website that addresses tampon insertion and the health concerns associated with them.

Question: This is a great site and I encourage you to continue doing what you do. My sister found this site for her own questions and I find it very useful too.

I am 18 years old and have never reached any kind of orgasm. Though I am a virgin as far as sex is concerned it's not like I have never done anything.

I have tried masturbation on and off over the years but since it doesn't work I don't do it very often. I have used muscle massagers over the crotch area, I have inserted an eyeliner pencil into my vagina then humped my body pillow, I have tried basic digital (finger) stimulation, tried putting a pillow in between my legs and rocking it against me. I have come close to orgasm by spraying my clitoral area with my shower but I do not have a very long hose on my showerhead I have to sit and hold it with my hands to get it to aim properly. The problem about this is that it is so intense that I sort of melt and am unable to hold the showerhead anymore.

I also read a lot of smutty romance novels and have been in a cyber-sex relationship but
still nothing.

A very possible hindrance in my quest for an orgasm is the fact that I take anti-depressants (generic Zoloft).

But it is not that I have never felt sexually stimulated.

The closest I have ever been to orgasm was when I was making-out with my boyfriend. But whenever I got close to what I think is orgasm, he'd stop touching me there. Not as if he was scared or anything, but to touch me somewhere else or because someone walked in. The problem is that he and I were not going out that long and we have broken up, so I don't even know if I can reach orgasm that way. He was my first and, to this point, only boyfriend and sadly enough the only person to ever even ask me on a date.

I am not an unattractive person physically, or characteristically, but I am a person who moved to a very clique-ish place and have never changed for people to like me. I am intelligent and know my own opinions so maybe that scares people. I believe that there have been people who have had crushes on me but no one, my ex-boyfriend excluded, has ever screwed enough courage together to ask me out. But this is not a pity-party site so I'll continue with sexual question.

It is possible that I can only reach orgasm if someone else is the one stimulating me? If that's the case, and considering that I don't have suitors banging my door down, what can I do to reach orgasm? I don't know if I'd feel comfortable getting a vibrator or sex toys and even though my ex and I are still friends I don't think I'd ever be comfortable using him for sex.

Answer: I am happy to hear your sister and yourself have found the website to be of benefit.

Antidepressant medications are well documented to impair arousal and in particular orgasm. You might discuss with your doctor the idea of you trying a different type.

If you are to experience orgasm you will likely need sustained stimulation. This usually means a vibrator, as your hands may tire too soon. Instead of using the shower, use the tub faucet. Set the water temperature and flow to a comfortable level and then scoot your bottom under the faucet, with your feet against the tub wall. Place your vulva to get the appropriate amount of clitoral stimulation. The stimulation could be intense, so remember to breath and stay relaxed.

Having a sexual partner may not help you to reach orgasm if the medication is the problem, and they lack the skill and time to bring you to orgasm. You can still experiment and explore sex, but focusing on orgasm may lead to frustration rather than pleasure. You will have to experiment to see what is possible for you. Be honest with your partners about your not having experienced orgasm and your use of the medication; you don't have to tell them what type of medication. Let them know what you like, and that, if true, you like sex even if you do not experience orgasm.

If you truly wanted a partner I doubt you would have trouble getting one. You are likely sending out a message that you aren't interested. All it takes is a smile to let a boy know you are interested. Now they may hope you are interested in sex, or that is all they are interested in. A guy doesn't necessarily need to like you to have sex with you, so don't see not having a partner to mean you are not liked or are unattractive. It simply may be that you are not ready for a relationship, or you are selective in who you want as a partner. If and when you go to college the long standing peer groups wont exist so it may be easier to make friends.

Even though I am pro sex I believe all eighteen-year-old girls, and as a result boys, should probably be virgins, because the risks associated with intercourse usually don't outweigh the benefits. Certainly feel free to explore other sexual activities alone and with a partner, but don't rush into intercourse.

Question: On the inside of my outer right labia, I noticed a random white patch. As far as texture or  anything goes, it blends completely in with the skin. It's almost like a vitiligo spot, but I don't have any history of that in my family. It's just a random white spot. It doesn't itch and it doesn't have any bumps or anything that seems really abnormal. I'm worried that possibly it could be herpes, but I've been tested as well as my partner and we both were clean. What is it?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide a general information not a medical diagnosis.

I recommend having a doctor look at this. Herpes would be indicated by blisters or open sores. Lichen sclerosus may result in white patches, as well as vitiligo.

Here are some links to additional information:

http://www.dermnetnz.org/immune/lichen-sclerosus.html

http://www.bad.org.uk/patients/leaflets/lichensclerosus.asp

http://dermatlas.med.jhmi.edu/derm/result.cfm?BodySite=2093727041

Question: Does the actual act of intercourse make you thicker? Does a woman actually gain weight from the process? Anal or vaginal? I see no reason that would cause weight gain. This is a question that many woman are asking, and I was having trouble finding the answer.

Answer: This question is likely the result of the common believe that the vagina is stretched and enlarged by sexual intercourse and becomes loose over time. A virgin's vagina is assumed to be small and as a result tight. What actually happens is the vagina and internal organs stretch and move about to make room for the inserted penis. The vagina is a potential space, not a hole or empty space inside the body. After intercourse the vagina returns to its prior size and weight. During sexual arousal blood pools in the pelvic and sexual organs, but no additional blood is produced. Consider the elasticity of the vagina during childbirth and how quickly it returns to its original size afterwards. The decrease in friction over time that many couples experience during intercourse is likely the result of decreased pelvic muscle tone. The pelvic muscles will not grip the penis firmly if they are weak. They may become weak if they are not exercised or are damaged during vaginal childbirth. The pelvic muscles are strengthened by doing Kegel exercises. A healthy vagina is both strong and flexible, as an overly tight vagina can be just as bad as loose one.

Question: I believe and hope you will be most helpful. I don't know when it started happening but I have this sexual attraction towards my cousin. I never had this attraction, not even to the most attractive guys at school or on TV. I mean, I hardly ever see this cousin and when I do, the feelings take over. I can't help noticing that he may be feeling the same. He seems to have the same look in his face and when we hug to say hello and goodbye, why does he hold on a little too long?

(His dad is my dad's cousin but it still makes this bad, doesn't it?)

Answer: I don't believe your feelings are abnormal or unusual. 5% of women, 1 out of 20, who have taken a survey on the website report they have engaged in a sexual activity with a male relative other than their father or brother. Laws usually make engaging in a sexual activity with a first cousin illegal. I would not recommend engaging in sex with him, as your family may not be understanding and friction may develop between family members. This does not mean your feelings are not genuine, only that the circumstances are inappropriate and perhaps unfortunate.

The forbidden nature of this attraction may be what makes it so intense. You may want to explore the idea of sex with him in fantasy, but seek out partners who would be more appropriate.

If you were to engage in sex with him you would both have to hide the fact, and may feel guilt and shame as a result.

Question: My wife has MDs [Muscular Dystrophy]. She loves me very much. She always has pain in her legs. She is beginning to think that because we cannot find a comfortable way for her to enjoy our love making that something is going to happen. I tell her I did not marry for that reason, but it is great to do it with her. She is the best that I have ever had and this is my 4th marriage.

She is able to walk with the use of a cane.

I would very much like some ideas on a good position

Answer: Side by side positions would probably be the best, commonly called "spooning." In this position your body weight is not on her and she does not need to spread her legs, perhaps only bending one forward slightly. There is an illustration showing this position on the page linked to below.

interco.htm

There are many positions shown on the pages linked to below:

pos1.htm

Question: I'm a 13-year-old girl and when masturbating have tried to penetrate myself, even when I'm wet. It hurts every time whether I'm using my index finger or pinky. I have not hit puberty, does it matter? Why does it hurt?

Answer: If you have not experienced the physical changes associated with puberty your body may not be ready for vaginal penetration, and is definitely not ready for anything large, like an erect penis, to be inserted into your vagina. During puberty the color of the mucous tissues of the vulva and vagina change from red to pink, as a result of increased amounts of the hormone estrogen; the same hormone that stimulates breast development. If your vulvar tissues are reddish in color then they wont be as elastic as they need to be for vaginal penetration.

Many preadolescent girls insert fingers or objects into their vagina while exploring their body and doctors can see inside their vagina when necessary. Once menstruation begins, if not before, the vaginal opening is usually large enough to permit the insertion of a single lubricated finger or tampon.

If you are experiencing pain then you are possibly trying to insert your finger into the wrong place or in the wrong direction. The vagina angles back towards the small of your back, not straight in. The placement of the opening in your hymen, if you have a hymen, may determine how you insert objects into your vagina. You may be pressing against your hymen, not the opening that passes through it.

You also need to ensure your pelvic muscles are relaxed. You learn this by starting and stopping the flow of urine from your body when you urinate. When you stop the flow the muscles are tensed and when you start the flow again the muscles are relaxed. Learn what the muscles feel like when tensed and relaxed. If the muscles are tensed you wont be able to insert anything into your vagina.

Be sure to take some time to examine your vulva closely with a mirror and identify all the different parts. The information in the Anatomy and Body Image sections will help you with this, they are linked to below.

anatomy.htm

b_image.htm

If pressing your finger lightly against the skin surrounding your vaginal opening causes pain then you may have an infection and should report this to one of your parents.