Question: I am only 22 years old and I feel as if I have very low sensitivity in my clitoral region. I have to usually rub hard and slow to reach orgasm when I masturbate. I am able to have an orgasm with my partner but it is rather difficult for us both. Even when she rubs me or kisses me in the region, it is hard to feel anything. I read that it could be low testosterone levels on your website, but I feel as if I am too young to be having this problem. Should I see the gynecologist? What can I do about it?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis, only general information.

Many women hope for or expect a quick and easy solution to their sexual challenges, but that is often not the case, as indicated below. You need to do some investigating to determine if there is a problem that needs to be fixed, or if you simply need to adapt to your unique sexual needs.

Given your age it is less likely that you have low androgen levels, unless you have been diagnosed with a medical condition that may alter your hormone levels, or you are taking prescription medication.

Your "perceived" sensitivity to clitoral stimulation is less that you "believe" it should be, which doesn't necessarily mean there is an actual physical deficiency. There are additional hormones and chemicals involved in the sexual response cycle, and insufficient amounts of these could result in decreased sexual response. You ability to experience sexual arousal could be impaired, not your sensitivity to stimulation.

At this point, I recommend reading about the female sexual nervous system, stimulation, and sensation, which are addressed in the articled linked to below. You could be stimulating your clitoris incorrectly, based on your individual anatomy and needs.

nerves_1.htm

Some women are more sensitive to vaginal (G-Spot) and/or anal stimulation than they are clitoral stimulation. Those subjects are addressed in the articles linked to below:

ejacula.htm

anal.htm

You might need to examine your clitoris to ensure you don't have clitoral adhesions, or a hood that protects your clitoral glans from stimulation. That subject is addressed in the article linked to below:

adhesio.htm

Your brain is your largest and most complex sexual organ and it often needs sexual stimulation in addition to your clitoris, if you are to have more fulfilling sexual experiences. Sexual arousal can originate in your brain and/or body. Fantasy is addressed in the article linked to below, but the mental stimulation can be any form of erotica that sexually arouses your brain.

fant_indx.htm

Question: I'm 22 years old and have realized that I'm unable to be aroused anymore. Before, reading some mild erotica or even talking to my partner would arouse me so intensely that I would feel strong waves throughout my body from the abdomen to the palms of my hands. I would feel extremely wet too. Even suddenly recalling intimate details with my partner while doing everyday work would leave me weak in the knees. But suddenly, it has just disappeared. I have had routine medical tests but no anomaly has been found. Also, there hasn't been any traumatic experience. It's like suddenly I woke and was a different person. Even this transition was a matter of a few days or even less. Could you please shed some light on this. I miss my old self. Thanks

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information, not a medical diagnosis.

I am afraid I don't have a definitive answer to your question.

You need to consider if there were other changes in your environment and body that occurred prior to or at the same time as the decrease in your sexual responsiveness. Just about any change in them could be a cause, or a secondary symptom for the condition. What changed in your life during that time? Did you move, change jobs, change partners, change diets, start using a medication or vitamin, etc? Have you been sleeping well? Have there been any changes in your menstrual cycle or vulvar/vaginal fluids? You must consider every little detail that has changed in your life and body recently. Your sexual responsiveness does change with your menstrual cycle, and with the seasons of the year. Recently, many women went back to or started school, and there has been a change in the seasons.

It is likely that these changes in your sexual response indicate something in your body has or is changing, which means more than your sexual response has or will change. It could be the primary or secondary symptom.

Your may want to read up on androgens in the article linked to below, as they play a key part in your sexual responsiveness, but standard medical tests wont adequately evaluate them.

androgens.htm

It could also be performance anxiety. One day your body wasn't as sexual as your brain expected it to be so you started to believe there must be something wrong with you, when there isn't. You believe something is wrong, so there is. Your brain is your largest sexual organ. Perhaps you need to focus on other aspects of your life, and your sexual responsiveness will return in time, when you are less focused on it.

Question: Occasionally, upon waking up slowly I experience clitoral spasms (for lack of a better word). They occur about 2-3 per minute and cause me to tighten my vaginal muscles almost immediately and for the duration of this spasm. It almost feels like orgasm, only in the clitoris itself. I am very wet and it's pleasurable, except sometimes it has stayed with me for hours after getting up and that's not always convenient. I have asked my ob/gyn, who looked at me funny. Is this part of a wet dream? Is there somewhere I can read more about this?  I have never heard any other woman describe this. Please help me!

Answer: What you describe isn't likely abnormal, even if other women haven't talked about it publicly. Women in general don't discuss their wet dreams, or what they are like.

I am guessing that the clitoral spasms are the result of your pelvic muscles contracting, as some of the pelvic muscles attach to the pelvic bone at the location of the clitoris. Since intentionally contracting these pelvic muscles suppresses the spasms this would seem to be the case. See the illustration linked to below to see how these muscle attach to the clitoris:

clit01.jpg

On waking and experiencing these spasms, or just as a matter of habit, use your fingers to check your vulva for signs of sexual arousal, wetness and blood engorgement, and the state of your pelvic muscles by inserting a finger into your vagina. The ease at which your finger enters your vagina will tell you if your pelvic muscles are relaxed or constricted. While the finger is still inside your vagina contract your pelvic muscles, by doing Kegels or pretending that you want to stop the flow of urine from your bladder. If you are able to insert one finger without resistance and don't feel your muscles contract then try using two fingers.

The intent is to determine if you are sexually aroused and the state of your pelvic muscles. If you are sexually aroused then you likely had a wet dream and/or masturbate in your sleep by rubbing your vulva against something, perhaps wadded up clothing or bedding, etc. Did you masturbate the night before? Perhaps what you are experiencing is residual muscle strain from that activity. You might also take note of where you are in your menstrual cycle and your general level of sexual desire on the days that this occurs. The higher your level of sexual desire the greater the likelihood for wet dreams, and persistent sexual arousal.

If there is no indication of sexual arousal but your pelvic muscles are in spasm, you had difficulty inserting one or two fingers into your vagina, then perhaps the position that you slept in is the cause for muscle tension and spasms. Try to recall the position of your legs and thighs on waking, and if you feel discomfort in the area. If you are in an unusual position or there is discomfort then you could be experiencing muscle strain, that is muscle tension is being transferred to your clitoris through interconnecting muscles. If this is so, doing stretching exercises before going to bed and on waking may help. The idea being to return balance to your pelvic muscles. You might also try going for a 15-20 minute walk prior to going to bed. Here are some links to information that may be of help with stretching:

http://www.expertvillage.com/videos/hip-pelvis-physical-therapy-introduction.htm

http://www.usaswimming.org/USASWeb/ViewMiscArticle.aspx?TabId=445&Alias=Rainbow&Lang=en&mid=702&ItemId=698

http://www.spine-health.com/topics/conserv/preg/preg01.html

http://www.stv.org/babyworld/exercises/stretch.htm

http://www.nia.nih.gov/HealthInformation/Publications/ExerciseGuide/chapter04c.htm

It is possible for muscle tension to be putting pressure on and thus stimulating your erogenous zones, like your clitoris, and the sexual arousal is a symptom of the muscle strain rather than sexual arousal producing muscle tension that would eventually result in orgasm. Poor muscle tone throughout your pelvic region could be the cause of this, but specifically the muscles shown in the illustration linked to above. To determine the strength of the muscles surrounding your vagina you can do the following:

Deborah Sundahl in her book "Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot" says women can test the strength of their pelvic muscles by placing a peeled ripe banana inside a plastic sandwich bag and carefully inserting it into their vagina. If your pelvic muscles are in good condition you should be able to contract your pelvic muscles and divide the banana into two pieces.

If you are in less than ideal physical condition or experience a lot of stress then starting a regular workout schedule may be of help, even if it is only the walking mentioned above.

If you awaked with residual sexual tensions then an orgasm or orgasms could be the solution. Masturbate as you normally would, or if time is limited use a vibrator or water spray in the tub or shower. Some women have reported persistent sexual arousal that isn't resolved by an orgasm or two, and this may indicate intense sexual desire, or a problem with your body in general.

It is also possible that you pelvic and vaginal muscles need to be used, which means inserting your fingers or an object into your vagina while you masturbate to orgasm. Practice Kegels with the object inserted and just increase your awareness and connection with these muscles.

Related Q&A:

qa4_17.htm

If you start experiencing pain in this area please consult a doctor.

Question: I am a young woman and have never been able to masturbate. I have tried to find my g-spot, rubbed my clit and put my fingers inside me but nothing seems to work. I have never had sex as I have never had a real boyfriend. I would really like to be able to feel pleasure and masturbate as lots of women on this website have said how much they enjoy masturbating and how important they think it is. Is there anything I should try? I really enjoy reading the stories about women who have masturbated with other women and have been taught by them and would love an experience like that.

I would really appreciate some help so that I could pleasure myself.

Answer: Yes, it would be nice if women could meet with other women to help them discover and explore their sexuality, but that opportunity seldom exists.

Others have experienced similar experiences and obstacles so I recommend reading through the Q&As linked to below, as many of these concern sexual development.

qa_index_puberty.htm

Things to consider are your personal level of sexual desire, ability to experience sexual arousal, and your ability to experience physical pleasure, as in enjoying the sensations associated with warm showers, fresh warm sheets, hot baths, etc. These are prerequisites for sexual pleasure and orgasm.

If after reading through this information you still have questions please feel free to write me again.

Question: I know that you must have heard this thousands of times but I am just really glad right now that I found this website, especially on the top of the list. I don't think that words can really express how gratefully I am. I have being sexually on edge for a couple of months and have been masturbating more frequently. I feel really bad because I was taught in my religion that this was a sin. I wish  I could just control my sexual side, with an on and off switch but I think this is just make belief. I understand that your website said that girls in their early adulthood have these tendencies, but I thought that at 22 I would be over this, really. On top of this, I got curious because a conversation I overheard that came on a talk show, that women have two different holes, but I have always thought that babies and urine came from the same thing. I don't want to make this a really long message but I don't quite know how to talk to anyone else about the way I am feeling right now. I also got curious, it took me until now to place a mirror in front of me and explore and I realize, not only do I have an enlarged clitoris, I also have large inner labia. I just freaked out and needed answers. I thought for a moment something was wrong so I tried to find a hole that I think a penis would go into, I found it. Do you thing I might have broken my hymen by inserting my finger? Your website was so helpful! I thought this was just going to add to my insecurities. As I mention before I have been raised to be very religious and I still live with my parents and I thought of buying items from the adult store but I am nervous. I am still a virgin and I don't want to loss this and don't really want to watch porn. What I saying is, is there something that would be better off buying that could easy my way into this I can't find the word for it?

Answer: I am happy to hear that you have enjoyed the website.

The website addresses the subject of hymens on the pages linked to below:

hymen.htm

virgin1.htm

Exploring your body is addressed on the pages linked to below:

body_indx.htm

loc_vag.htm

Information about exploring your sexuality is addressed in the Q&As linked to below:

qa_index_puberty.htm

You don't necessarily need to buy anything to explore your sexuality. Women have shared many ways of masturbating using items commonly found in the home.

mast_indx.htm

Question: I haven't seen a question exactly like this before, so I thought I'd submit it. I haven't ever really felt physical sexual pleasure before in my life (I'm a virgin, though, and 16 years old, done with puberty), and this complete lack of physical pleasure is a great source of unhappiness for me. For one thing, whether manually or orally stimulated, my clitoris is extremely uncomfortable and painful. It's smaller than most, if that makes a difference.

Another annoying thing is that although I can become physically aroused (i.e. my nipples become stiff, my vagina becomes lubricated), there is no feeling of physical pleasure attached to this. Moreover, when I try to stimulate myself vaginally, it ends up clenching like a fist, and I end up releasing my bladder. I know for a fact that it's my bladder, as it distinctively smells like urine, and there is no pleasure associated with release, only the relief that comes whenever I empty my bladder. I don't think this is sexual pleasure...

My nipples also are subject to this complete lack of pleasure. When stimulated orally or manually, they will stiffen up, showing that they are aroused, and I feel it very acutely, but I gain no pleasure from this.

Of course, this may have something to do with the fact that I don't have any visible labia minora, so they're probably extremely small and/or lacking, as I haven't felt them. Will I be able to do something about this?  I know that the impairment causing this lack of pleasure is not psychological, as I have had no negative experiences that would cause trauma. Please reply, as I feel odd; I haven't yet experienced something almost everyone in the world can relate to feeling.

I experience a mental feeling of being "turned on", and this can happen often, but there is no physical pleasure to accompany this.

Please reply!  I feel very isolated and alone about this, as there isn't really anyone I can talk to about this...

Answer: You present some complex subjects so I am going to have you read some background information and then get back to me with any questions you may still have after reading through it. I wish there was a short answer to your questions but there simply isn't. The information linked to may not appear to address your questions, but relevant information is presented, so please take the time to read through it.

nerves_1.htm

perception_of_sexual_arousal_and_desire.htm

qa6_24.htm

qa7_8.htm

loc_vag.htm

ejacula.htm

Your nipples becoming erect actually have nothing to do with sexual arousal. They are made up of muscle fibers that automatically contract when stimulated. Nipple stimulation may or may not cause or increase your level of arousal. Read about oxytocin in the first article linked to above.

breast.htm

Question: My boyfriend has tried performing oral sex a few times and every time he can't stand the taste. I really want him to be able to do it but whatever we try to mask the taste doesn't work. Is it me? And is there anything we can do?

Answer: An unpleasant scent or taste could be an indication of infection or poor hygiene. You first need to rule these out as the possible cause.

hygiene.htm

fluids.htm

vaginitis.htm

You might both jump into the shower prior to sex to demonstrate to him your vulva is clean, as his problem could be purely psychological, or he is simply looking for an excuse for being lazy.

Question: Do you believe anal bleaching is safe? There is this gel I want to try.

Answer: Please see the article linked to below:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_whitening

The $50 tube will only last a month or two, and you must continually use the product to maintain the color change. You had better read the fine print.

Question: I have tried anal intercourse twice, it goes half way in, and then it starts to burn. When I can't take the burning any more, that's when I stop. After that, my anus gets swollen. Does this only happen to me, or is this common? Also, I really want to try anal, so is there a way I can prevent this?

Answer: The anus is rich in blood vessels and nerve endings. The burning likely means you weren't using enough lubrication and/or you were trying to dilate the anus faster and greater than it was prepared to. The resulting swelling indicates there was injury to the delicate tissues, and injury is a common occurrence, as the tissues are relatively delicate. This is why HIV is spread more easily through anal sex than other forms of sexual activity.

Anal intercourse requires a lot or preparation if it is to be done correctly and enjoyably, as the anus is basically designed to function as an exit only. The article and discussion linked to below address the appropriate way to explore anal intercourse. If done correctly it is more likely to be enjoyable for you and your partner.

anal.htm

../phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10

Question: My girlfriend has trouble getting wet, she also has a vulva, much like the top photo of on the vulva size page, and a small clitoris. I have tried cunnilingus which works 100% of the time but don't know how to give her pleasure with fingering. Any suggestions? Also she always has to open her vulva so I can insert. Should her vulva be wet, or what? I love her very much, and she I, but we have problems expressing ourselves sexually. We've been sweet with each other, then rough. And sometimes we'll go two weeks, even a month with out it. Which drives me nuts, because I'm crazy about this girl. And it has nothing to do with physical attraction, we're both happy in that department. What can I do to make her more happy in her sexuality. Also please know she has been with three men, one time each before me and is 20. I've been with over 20 women and am 25. She is very stressed out, and has a very demanding job. Please help???

Answer: In a survey on the website 6% of women say only their vagina becomes wet with lubricant when they are sexually aroused. Just about everyone else reports at least part of their vulva also becomes wet. 38% say the lubricant is sufficient in quantity that it becomes visible on the outer surfaces of their vulva.

Vaginal lubrication is the result of increased blood flow to the pelvic organs during sexual arousal. Insufficient lubrication could be an indication that she isn't sufficiently aroused prior to vaginal intercourse. Perhaps she needs more foreplay prior to intercourse to increase her arousal and lubrication. It is also possible that the idea or circumstances of intercourse serve as a barrier to sexual arousal. If she truly doesn't want to be engaging in intercourse then she will have a much harder time becoming sexually aroused. Is the lack of lubrication the problem or a symptom of the problem?

Some questions that you need to know the answer to are, does she become wetter when she experiences orgasm during partnered sex, and when she masturbates alone? Does she always experience insufficient lubrication, or only at certain times?

The short and possible long term solution is for you to apply a water based lubricant prior to intercourse. Apply a generous amount to her vulva and gently work some into her vagina using your fingers. Then coat your penis with lubricant prior to penetration. Intercourse probably isn't something you can rush into, she may need lots of foreplay.

The subject of stimulating her vulva with your hands is addressed in the article linked to below. The best way to learn how she likes her vulva and clitoris to be stimulated manually is to watch her masturbate to orgasm. You can apply the necessary lubricant while caressing and massaging her vulva prior to intercourse.

massage.htm

The problem with entering her vagina could be related to the lack of lubrication. With added lubrication you should find it easier to slip right in. You may need to consider whether you are pointing your penis in the correct direction when you try to enter her. Insert a lubricated penis shaped object into her vagina and observe with way it is pointing into her body. Your penis needs to enter her body at the same angle. Have her lay in different sexual positions so you can see how best to enter her. You might also closely examine her vulva to see if she might have a partially intact hymen, which would impair entry of your penis. Hymens are addressed in the article linked to below.

hymen.htm

You may also be having trouble entering her if her pelvic muscles are too tight. It may help if she first contracts these muscles, as if she was wanting to stop the flow of urine from her bladder, and then relaxes. If she feels the muscles relax then she is better prepared for penetration. She should read about Kegel exercises, as these will help her with body awareness.

The stress of her job will adversely affect her health and sexuality, and there is no way around that. She either needs to learn how to avoid the stress, or decide if the stress is worth the rewards. Money is great, but you can't buy a new body.

It sounds like you need to schedule time for relaxation and sex, and sex isn't necessary relaxing for her. Some couples have a scheduled weekly "date night," and this time together has priority over everything else. Your relationship needs to be of a high priority for both of you if it is to last. You don't necessarily need to have sex on date night, but you should spend quality time together, even if you only go for a long walk. I don't believe lack of experience with different partners is a problem for her, but lack of experience in general could be, as would be the very short sexual relationships, and perhaps lack of long term relationships with a sexual component. Even though you have been with a lot of women, that doesn't necessarily mean you are a good lover, as if you were, it seems they wouldn't let go of you so quickly. You never had the chance to learn an individual woman's sexual needs and how to fulfill them, but at least now you aren't presuming to know how to fulfill their needs.